 What's with you guys? It's Adana, and I am back with another video for you guys. So guys I am going to be reading my first cringy personal state statement, and I'm gonna be comparing that to my new beautiful Personal statement. Thanks to my husband who helped me out with that. So stay tuned because we're gonna be looking at that Thank you guys so much for watching Um, if you liked this video go ahead and hit that like button go ahead and subscribe leave a comment in the Comment section below and go ahead and have my description box up because I have my go fund me page for you And also you guys I'm gonna be doing another video that has three points three simple points to make your personal statement All right, so let's get into it, right? This is my first personal statement. Yes. Oh my gosh I'm like I read the first sentence. I had to stop because I Don't know what I was talking about I was like I have to make a video on this because this was really really bad. So it starts off saying homeless and poor What are you talking about Adana? Homeless and poor these are the characteristics that describe my life over the past four years I graduated from university got married and two weeks after my wedding my husband lost his job I was unable to do anything with my degree because of my status. I got pregnant and Immediately after I had a time I'm depressed already like I'm sad for this girl. I'm sad for this girl I don't know if I want her in my school or not But I think I just want to like adapt her at this point and help her out That says um, oh Gosh, I was no longer eligible for insurance because I had aged out of the program That's when the whole like 26 I think what was the 23 like once you were 23 you were no longer eligible This was like before Obamacare. I think I took showers in hotel bathrooms and I slept in my car And fascination with the human body has never wavered. What? That is bad you guys. So that was really really bad I talked about being homeless and losing my apartment Losing insurance and but yet still wanting to be in medicine like it's guys. That was just it's it's Depressing it doesn't want me to keep reading it really doesn't I just kind of want to like put this off to the side and say hey Where can I donate to this girl's life? I? Don't really want her to be a part of my school like me as me as me Reading this. I'm like what it what are you doing mice the body of my personal statement? I go more in-depth into What I did in college? research any all of my Service stuff because I felt like oh, you know, they want to know about me as a Service person because medicine and health care is about like it's about servitude. You're serving the community So of course I'm gonna highlight my service points. I talked about let me I talked about the program that I was in at My school, but I didn't really talk about my personal experience. I talked about somebody else's I talked about someone else's personal experience And then I tried to say like but this Influenced me to do this and feel this kind of way and I don't really think that that was good. I think that was bad I don't think that's what somebody wants to hear They want to hear about you and your personal experience and what has brought you to this point Let me read my last paragraph for you guys because this really should be the paragraph that is bringing it all home Okay, it says all although I still very much a rookie My lack of medical training has not hindered my mission to serve others I have actively sought to make humanitarianism in action where by using my past Experiences to guide me through new ones and my struggles Perseverance and triumphs qualify me as an applicant excellent applicant For a career as a physician's assistant as I offer myself a PA as a PA candidate in your graduate school I bring to the table experience in the field and understanding an unrelenting pursuit for knowledge a Compassion for people and a belief that anything is possible to those who love the Lord throughout my life I never lost my path and I hope that you will allow me to continue my path at your school So I think that last statement was pretty good But in that whole paragraph it was like again still depressing and also contradictory My first sentence talks about how although I'm still very much a rookie My lack of medical training has not hindered my mission to serve others But then maybe four sentences down I say as I offer myself as a PA candidate to your graduate program I bring to the table experience in the field you just talked about being a rookie But then you say you have experience in the field. How does that quantify it doesn't like so again? And I had people read this you guys and they were like, oh, yeah This is good, but clearly this was really bad looking back on it This was a really poorly written personal statement. There was nothing personal about it And that's probably why I didn't get into PA school with this one But let me read you guys my really beautiful one that I'm super proud of that has been helping with okay All right, so let me read you guys my Beautiful personal statement that my husband helped me with this is the one that I'm proud of and this I believe also Was a part in getting me into PA school. This is my first paragraph. I Can imagine walking down an empty road and stumbling upon a shiny gold lamp It looks like a lit little genie lamp So I allow my curiosity to take over and I rub this lamp to my complete Amazement out pops a genie. He says to me you have awakened me from my somber and now I would like to grant you Three wishes anything you want in the world is yours I smile to myself because I already know what my answer is as a matter of fact I've known how I would respond to this genie since I was a little girl I opened my mouth and say thank you genie But I only need one of those three wishes you can give the other two wishes to someone else who really needs them more As for me my only wish is to be a well-learned physician's assistant that was Bum you guys It's like you I brought them into like Aladdin We were on a magic carpet ride together. It was amazing you guys like I I brought them into this I told them what I wanted which is to be a PA. I told them that this is the only thing that I've ever wanted It shows just how important this is to me And that was definitely so much more better than the first one in my second paragraph because this one only really has About four paragraphs the other one had five or six so in my second pair and third paragraph I talked about my experiences in the medical field that propelled me to be a PA so I talked about being working at a nursing home and Getting in to like acquiring like a friendship with some of the residents there and then Realizing that you know one of them passed away that I was really close to it and how that affected me and then also in talking to my Mentor and just how her life experience Helped me kind of mold myself and understand like I didn't want to be a physician anymore because I wanted to spend more time with My family so it really just kind of put everything into perspective on why I wanted to be a PA And then I end off with this paragraph which is again the paragraph that's supposed to bring things home, right? So I say When I am commissioned to a particular assignment, I am committed whether it be school work or community service I get it my everything in order to be successful I was a part of the national association for the prevention and starvation in college And my involvement with nats inspired me to continue serving those who need help as I offer myself As a PA candidate to your graduate school I bring to the table an unrelenting pursuit for knowledge a compassion for people And a belief that anything is possible throughout my life I've never lost my path and I hope that you will allow me to continue this path at your school I've rubbed the lamp and now you're the genie. You already know my wish It only needs granting What my husband again No helping me with that. It was amazing. I I want to accept this person to my program again You know, I still use parts for my old PA personal statement because there were aspects in there was good, but it just wasn't structured, right? Um, so those were my personal statements Um, I will leave a link so that you guys can actually compare them Just the body and everything that I didn't go to through in detail side by side So you guys can see from for yourselves Make sure that you have people that have gone and gotten into PA school or into med school Where whatever school you're trying to get into have them read your personal statements not like Your friend who's really good at english because that's kind of what I did and they're like, oh, yeah, this is great No, it sucked and that's probably why I didn't get into PA school when I used that personal statement So, um, I'll leave that link for you guys. You guys can look at that Leave your comment below. Let me know what you thought of my personal statements If you thought the first one was just as cringy as I thought or and you know, how you like my my second personal statement Um, also if you have a comment or a question about anything else, leave that in the comment section below as well Go ahead and like this video Subscribe if you haven't already done so join me on this journey and hit up my go for me page It will be in the description box below Stay tuned because I will have three points in my next video on How to make a bomb personal statement. All right, you guys. Thank you guys so much for watching. Talk to you later. Bye