 Lever Brothers Company makers of swan the soap with the exclusive super-creamed blend presents Our friend swan with my friend Irma Starring Mary Wilson as Irma and Kathy Lewis as Jane Friendship friendship just a perfect Bland ship when other friendships have been forgot There's will still be hot Why I've got the blues like I never had them before Why because last night we went out on a double date Irma and Al Richard and myself and what is the result now Richard doesn't talk to me Al doesn't talk to Irma the fact is nobody talks Except Irma you can't stop her from talking Jane yes, honey. I didn't mean to start the fight last night Well, you had no business insulting Richard that way When he said his folks came over on the Mayflower You had no right to turn to Mrs. Rhineland and ask her how she enjoyed the trip I'm sorry. Well, you started it, but Richard had no right to tell you that your head was the only vacancy in town That's why I'm glad we walked out when we did I Am through with Richard and I'm through with Al The way he behaved when the fan dancer came on put water on his face So she'd think he was perspiring come over and cool him off I'd rather not recall any of the sordid details We're through with the boys, and it's probably for the best. That's right Jane. This is a man's world, but we can go someplace else You're right, honey. We don't need the boys. We don't need the boys. We can do without them forever Yes, we can do it without them forever What are you thinking about Irma? Jane, how can we get the fellas back? We don't need them Irma. There are plenty of things for two girls to do. What? Well, my heavens we can do things like Well, we can knit and and and we can read and We can knit and and we can read We can knit Here I wonder how we can get the fellas back I don't know Jane But but this should only prove to us that a girl is lost without a fellow. How right you are, honey I wouldn't want to be found any other way You know, I've got an idea You know all men like that domestic touch Irma you and I will cook dinner and we'll invite the boys over You see they'll just be the four of us in a in a warm and friendly atmosphere and who can tell What with this being leap year and with a full stomach a man's liable to say yes to anything Well we call the boys and they're coming over now Irma and I are preparing dinner and Irma is her usual talented self in the kitchen She has baked an apple pie and it's perfect except for one slight error. She forgot to put the apples in it So now she's panicky so she's cut slits in the crust and she's trying to slip in the apples with a pair of tweezers Really Irma yes, Jane forget the pie will you sweetie? It's a total loss. We'll serve the cake I baked All right, I'll get it off the fire escape the fire escape What's my cake doing out there? Well Alex icing so I put some water on it and set it out to free Look sweetie, I appreciate you're trying to help me, but Richard is coming. I'm trying to marry him not poison him You know I want the dinner to be good too after all I want to impress Al You know spring is coming in the spring a young man's fancy turn. Yeah, and when it turns I want it facing me Well, honey if I let you cook this meal he won't be able to turn rigor mortis will hit him after the first bite Suppose you make the cocktails, huh? The Manhattan they're old-fashioned Come in only me Professor Kropatkin Hello, Jane and Irma my two little baby carriages one with a fancy top one a little buggy Why professor excuse me a little joke I picked up from a nurse made My what smells so good such a delicate aroma could only come from one thing Hungarian goulash It's pot roast. How could I make a mistake like that? Maybe the cow is Hungarian? Please Irma don't mention cows cows remind me of milk milk reminds me of butter butter reminds me of a tub And I don't want to discuss Mrs. O'Reilly You know professor there are times when I resent those remarks you make Frankly, I think you'd get more out of Mrs. O'Reilly if you met her halfway Alright, I'll meet her halfway. I'll hold my arms out and tell her to come to me. Oh, that's the spirit But only a one condition if she's on the other side of an open drawbridge Now you see professor, that's what I mean You know, I think it's entirely your fault if you can't get along with it James, right? We had fights with Alan Richard, but we realize we're wrong. So we're giving them a chance to apologize Please girls. I thank you for the consideration But believe me Mrs. O'Reilly is east and kropot skin is west and if I see her coming from the north believe me girls I'm heading south Please girls these are my last words besides the smell of food makes me hungry So I think I'll go back up to my room and open up a can of oyster soup. Oh professor, that's out of season There's no orange soup I'll drink it out of a saucer. There's an orange saucer Isn't it a pity Jane? Sweet old man like the professor. What kind of a life has he got living alone? He has to go up to a lonely room and eat from a can by himself. Yeah It is sad honey. There's nothing as pitiful as a lonely person and I don't want us to end up that way That's why we're giving this little dinner party for the boys tonight Yeah, I wonder why the professor hasn't gotten married in all these years. Oh, I don't know. Maybe hasn't found the right person Yes, or maybe he can't get his father's permission Or my hand me the flower sifter the flower sifter. Yeah, you know that shiny can with the little holes on the bottom Oh that I threw it out because it leaked I Grand I'm glad we haven't any screens in this place you throw them up because he let the air in Come in Hello girls Mind if I drop in for a minute. Oh not at all. Mrs. O'Reilly. You have to excuse us though. You see we're just getting dinner ready Thank you. Oh Girls I get the blues so badly especially on Sunday. You don't know how lonely an old widow can be So let me give you a bit of advice When you get married always treat your husbands kindly if you don't they get even with you. They die the cowards Well, Mrs. O'Reilly, you know, you're still shall we say young well, that's true But my beauty is all slowly fading at night. I have to use all sorts of creams and max factors makeup Have you noticed any difference? I haven't but the professor says I'm getting to look more like max every day Girl believe me the professor is a miserable tempered man Well, Mrs. O'Reilly, you know, I think it's your fault You won't meet him halfway and he's even willing to meet you on a drawbridge You know, Mrs. O'Reilly, you've got to understand that the professor is a very lonely man He's alone in the world and and I don't want to interfere, but that room of his is well now Janie That's not my fault. I try to do me best the best I can in his room Only yesterday I brought up some white sheets for him, but the man's an ingrate because now he says he wants a bed Well, he's probably tired of sleeping on that studio couch No, the professor has a lot of pride but underneath it. Oh, he's a very sensitive and warm-hearted person Oh, I guess you're right Jane. You know, there are times when I think he likes me because Really miss O'Reilly, how do you know or a woman always knows these things are math One time when I was on top of the roof leaning over fixing the clothesline. He nudged me playfully Oh Well, what's the use of dreaming? I think I'll just go back to my room and throw rocks at me. Hope chest Goodbye girls. Gee, Jane. I I feel sad all over again. Why honey? Oh the professor and Mrs. O'Reilly are both so lonely Wouldn't it be wonderful if tonight at dinner when we get our our fellas back We could get them to give it to then we can kill six birds with one dinner The way you're cooking honey, you can get eight to one odds any place Besides, you know where they don't get along I don't think the professor and Mrs. O'Reilly can even sit in the same room without our having to call the police Flowers for Jane Stacy. That's me. Oh Here you are boy. Thanks lady. Oh gee They're from Richard. Oh, aren't they beautiful? And here's a card. Oh Isn't this sweet it says we'll never quarrel again. I'm looking forward to dinner tonight. Love Richard Oh, yes, I wonder what owl bring probably some wax paper so what he can't eat. He can take home You shouldn't pick on Al like that some days going to be a big man honey He couldn't be a big man if he was wearing stilts that boyfriend of yours has more angles in a four-way cold tablet Hello, Jane. Hi chicken. Hello Here chicken candy boy. Oh Look Jane a box of assorted chocolates. Really? Three peanut bars one old nick Two packages of lifesavers This is quite a present diamond Jim Dangerous work. I shook that candy machine till I was blue in the face Look, here's a card for mail. Well, I could kiss you for this Card what does it say? Love is a path between two hearts from which we have never swerved So say those words I belong to here Dine dinner has served Oh Gee Jane isn't he another long fellow? Yeah, but long fellow wrote from suffering Al writes from hunger Don't talk about Al that way Jane Al did that job come through with Craig oil? No chicken, but got him interested in a great deal It's a Derek with a ferris wheel attached. So if you don't strike oil, you can open an amusement park Sounds wonderful. You see what hidden talents. He has Jane hidden. They should be exiles G Jane isn't it wonderful now. I've got Al back and you've got Richard back But I'm still not happy now. What's the matter honey? I keep thinking of the professor and Mrs. Oh rally I can't be happy if I know other people are unhappy. Well, but honey, what can we do about it? Well? I've got a plan. No. No, wait a minute. Irma. No, I'll be right back. Oh Hey, what do you think chicken is up to? I don't know Al, but I'm afraid she's out on a mercy Aaron She's probably gonna try to get professor Karpotkin and Mrs. Oh Riley down here together. Oh, she ain't got a chance You know, although chickens got a great heart. I don't think she's got much tact. Do you Jane? Well, I'll put it this way Al if Irma had been a diplomat during the Civil War Not only would the north have fought the south, but the east would have slugged it out with the west Al we will you keep an eye on the pot roast while I get the phone, huh? Hello Hello Richard. All your flowers were just beautiful Yeah dinner will be at seven. We're having a pot roast and if Irma accomplishes what I think she's trying to do We may have the police for dessert I'll explain it all to you when I see you. Goodbye Richard How's the roast Al? Fine. Never tasted anything better. Oh All I wanted you to do was just a one. Well, Jean I did it. It's all fixed Irma They're coming for dinner. Yes. I told Mrs. Oh Riley It was a surprise and I couldn't tell her who the fellow was well What about the professor? Well, I told him we had a girlfriend for him Who is a combination of Rita Hayworth and Lana Turner put together? Chicken how could you say that? Well, the two of them put together about as old as Mrs. O'Reilly and way about the same Chicken the professor didn't fall for that did he? Well, he did when I showed him this picture Of course, he doesn't know who it is. Let me see it Irma, who is this? It's Mrs. O'Reilly But this must have been taken when she was 18 years old Jane he's getting a woman not a car. He doesn't have to know what model it is And now Susie Swan sings to us listen My advice says Susie you like this brand you kind of lather so be choosy Swan gives you beauty lover riches cream your skin stays soft as any dream and Fresh as do I swan do you says Susie Say that's what I call real beauty expert advice Susie swan Yes, swan is a perfect bath soap because thanks to swan's exclusive super cream blend swan gives you a wonderful New kind of beauty lather for your bath rich creamy lather that smooths on to your skin more softly than you ever dreamed possible And yet this gentle swan lather cleanses so thoroughly your skin fairly glows and ladies when you step from the tub You'll love the way your skin feels Fresh from top to toe because this new kind of swan beauty lather rinses away so completely It's true swan's exclusive super cream blend gives you a wonderful new kind of beauty lather So from now on make swan soap your regular bath soap an imitable way Irma has done it again. She's got Mrs. O'Reilly thinking that a young Casanova awaits her and Professor Kropotkin will be down to dinner expecting to meet some glamorous young siren When they find out the awful truth the only siren around will be the one that brings the riot squad I Don't know what to do Irma. How could you have done this? Jane we wanted to bring the two of them together. Oh, yes, but honestly, honey The professor is going to walk in here expecting an 18 year old girl. He will see Mrs. O'Reilly What will you say to it? Gee professor, you're late Chicken nobody was ever that late You know, there's only one thing to do and that's to tell the truth I'll go upstairs and I'll try to girls Excuse my appearance, but I'm getting dressed for dinner And I've been so excited at the thought of meeting a new gentleman that I dropped me mirror How does me hair look? I think you've got it on backwards I mean you're calm look, you know, Mrs. O'Reilly about this gentleman that you're expecting not another word Jane I wanted to be a surprise. Oh, but you see mr.. O'Reilly professor Kapati, please don't mention his name when we're speaking of the finer things in life Oh, dear, I'd better hurry back to me room. Me eyelashes are drying on the window soon And I'm afraid the birds will get at them Oh now Irma there you see how you've misled the poor woman When she seizes the professor her heart will be broken not to mention all the furniture Jane we got to prevent them from killing each other. I don't know why you're both so worried It'll be a candlelight dinner when they come in we'll blow out all the candles All right every man for himself come in Hello everybody. Oh, it's you Richard. Gee. I'm afraid you're not in for a very peaceful meal. What do you mean? Well, you see I originally planned this dinner as a sort of a bury the hatchet thing But it seems that Irma's played Cupid and invited Mrs. O'Reilly and Professor Kropotkin without either of them knowing the other is coming So instead of it being a bury the hatchet party. It'll just be a scalping party Well now Jane I wouldn't be so distressed You know I once read an article by an eminent psychologist who states that the reason so many couples fear romance and marriage is Because they see so many unhappy couples around them What what you mean is that that if the if the four of us pretend to be very happy that the professor and Mrs O'Reilly will forget their hatred and try to copy us exactly But we must put it on extra heavy Jane no quarreling of any sort We must be the epitome of happiness. You understand Irma. Certainly. I'll show them. We're happy When they knock at the door, I'll sit on your lap. No chicken. I'll sit on your lap. I Don't care if you sit on each other's laps, but remember now no quarreling and that goes for all of us Here I am dressed to kill oh quiet Irma Did I say something funny No, it's just that we're all so happy. Well this young lady. I'm going to meet Jane. What's she like? Oh Well, I must say her pictures do flatter her a little. Yes about 40 years Professor that's a nice suit you've got on is it salt and pepper or herringbone? Who knows when you work in a restaurant you pick up everything I'm so excited. I'm shaking like a schoolboy Here comes the truan officer Come in. Hello everybody. Oh Mrs. O'Reilly. How lovely you look. I'm a notch yet Professor what are you doing here? Oh, what's the difference? Richard my sweet it's nice to see your smiling face before me. Happy dear I do nothing but smile when I'm with you beloved right now. Oh, indeed I have never known such happiness since I met chicken every time I look at her I laugh. Yes Well, shall we all have dinner? Oh, yes, just as soon as the young lady hold it hold it What's the matter? I'm getting a little sick Richard is for Jane Al is for Irma and me I'm for the nearest open window Wait professor wait. What is that to wait about Irma? What professor? That picture of that girl you showed me. That was Mrs. O'Reilly taken 40 years ago I don't believe it that much damage couldn't have been done in only 40 years Now just a minute there professor you think you're disappointed. What about me? I expected someone handsome and dashing the only time you ever dashed was when you saw me coming for the rent Now listen to me, Mrs. O'Reilly Now look the two of you now look maybe we did trick you into this meeting But but why not be grown up about it? You're both just wonderful people and and you're lonely Gee, I think you ought to give each other a chance Come on now. Why don't you join us at dinner and you can see for yourself? How happy Al is with Irma and I am with Richard. Come on now. What do you say? Pot road smells pretty good. Well, I'm willing Well, I'll stay Only under condition that I sit next to Mrs. O'Reilly Why professor? If I sit next to her I won't have to face her Fishing dinner and I must say things have been progressing rather nicely so far not one harsh word is passed between Mrs. O'Reilly and the professor Maybe it's because neither of them stopped eating since they sat down But now we're in trouble They finished eating and before they get a chance to start tearing into each other I've nudged Richard and whispered to him to tell a funny story You know as long as we're all sitting here sort of friendly I'd sort of like to tell a little story at sort of risque Oh, don't tell a story in risque tell it in plain English so we can all understand it Irma, why do you always butt in when Richard wants to talk go ahead Richard chicken? Are you gonna let Jane talk to you like that? Well as I was saying Will you please be quiet, please we'd like to hear what Richard has to say. Well as I was saying Why does Richard have to talk maybe maybe my Al has a funny story. Thank you chicken Now this fellow has started. Let him finish. Thank you Jane. Well now it's either a man there What's wrong with my stories? I know funnier ones than he does Good one Al. I haven't told it yet Now this is your last warning you keep still all right. Just a minute Jane Nobody talks to Irma like that when I'm around you get smart with her or not. Now wait a minute Al Don't talk to Jane that way stay out of this Richard. I can handle it myself Yeah, I wish you'd stop telling everybody what to do. That's telling her chicken. She's always picking on you. No, she's not That's pick on you Irma. I think it's for your own good Richard Rhinelander I'm perfectly capable of handling my own arguments. This is a personal affair. Please stay out of it All right, Jane if that's the way you feel about it. Goodbye Probably heard the story anyway All that Richard's a sore head Al that's no way to talk about Richard after all you're not his girlfriend Oh keep quiet Irma Jane. You can't talk to my girl that way. Oh mind your own business Okay, I will goodbye This is all your fault you made Al leave I made him leave Irma sometimes I think you're the most ridiculous girl in the world. Goodbye She's got no right saying I'm the most ridiculous girl in the world. She hasn't traveled enough to know But I'm gonna tell her that Mrs. O'Reilly Yes, professor It has been a long time since I've had the privilege of escorting a beautiful woman to a dance Are you ready? Folks will announce more top winners of the $100,000 lever fur contest in just a moment But first here's a special word to all the ladies listening if you'd like to make your bath a real pleasure and a real Beauty bath at the same time then the soap to keep handy is swan soap Sure because swan's exclusive super cream blend gives you a wonderful new kind of beauty lather that feels soft and gentle against your skin Luscious swan beauty lather that cleanses so thoroughly then rinses away so completely your skin is left feeling Beautifully smooth and fresh when you step from the tub. Yes from now on make your bath a real beauty bath with swan Soaps wonderful super-creamed beauty lather and now here are the top winners of the third week in the lever fur contest first prize a Gorgeous $3,000 mink coat or the cash goes to Mrs. Janice T. Ursel cook 907 State Street Lafayette, Indiana Congratulations, Mrs. Ursel cook the second prize winners who each win a beautiful $1,000 fur coat or the cash are Mrs. Robert S. Oaks Alexandria, Virginia Mrs. Gladys Dorothy Johnson Minneapolis, Minnesota and Joan L Smith Chicago, Illinois Congratulations to you all the other three hundred twenty-five winners in the third week's contest will be notified by mail Well, we're all friends again. Thanks to Mrs. O'Reilly and Professor Krippotkin who gave a dinner for all of us tonight So before we went I said to Irma now remember honey Let's not have any quarrels with anyone tonight Just agree with everything the fellow say and Irma took me literally in fact Richard said he thought if he took another bite He choked to death and Irma said oh if that'll make you happy. I'm in favor of it Me Jane Stacey, I don't know if I'm happy or not, but I'm in favor of my friend My friend Irma presented by Swan another fine product of Lever Brothers company was produced and directed by Psi Howard Tonight's script was written by Psi Howard and Park Levy and stars Marie Wilson is Irma and Kathy Lewis is Jane The part of professor Krippotkin was played by Hans Conreed. Mrs. O'Reilly was played by Gloria Gordon Ladies listen, the shortage of fats and oils is still very serious and it's worldwide So please keep on saving every drop of used kitchen fat. Your butcher will pay you for every pound Frank Bingman speaking Yes, there's a reason why Sprye is the cake making wonders Sprye has an amazing cake improver secret try the Sprye one bowl way and be certain of lighter finer richer cakes every time No other type of shortening has Sprye's cake improver for new cake making success rely on Sprye the pure all vegetable shortening rely on Sprye Junion next week one hour earlier and listen to the Lux Radio Theatre immediately followed by my friend Irma This is CBS the Columbia Broadcasting System