 Well, got it together most of the time. I know how to handle most things, but this is kind of like the exception. I have denied from awareness. To me, that says that I deny the fact that there is such a thing as being out of control. Well, denied from awareness simply refers to the fact that I'm not generally aware that I'm out of control. I think it's just like some specific incidents, but actually it's the belief that they're all the time. It comes to awareness in those situations where it seems out of control, and then I pin it on that. Oh, well in these situations I feel out of control, but over here I don't. What this might suggest is that you're out of control, but you don't realize it. Well, it's not that I'm out of control, but that there's a belief in my mind that I do have a lack of control, and that most of the time I keep it out of awareness. The belief comes and goes. It's not like it comes and goes. It's not like it comes when Nancy's there and it goes and Nancy's gone. But the belief is in the mind all the time, and it only comes to awareness when there are situations that I perceive as saying, oh, now I feel out of control, and then that's over, and I go to the next situation and I say, no, now I feel fine. I take it a little bit deeper too. The first time that the out of control seemed to appear was when the ego, remember I gave you the little passage into eternity, where all those one, their crevice, tiny, mad idea, which the Son of God remembered not to let, that is the original out of control. And now that's just the wrong mind, but there's layers and layers. So it doesn't seem like every time I feel like I'm out of control and I'm feeling a little anxious, that it's just because I'm choosing the ego, I'm choosing the wrong mind. No, it seems it's because something out there on the screen. If this person wasn't that way, then I wouldn't feel so out of control. Or if things had gone differently in the world, then I wouldn't be out of control. So it's a belief that's way very, very deep in the mind. So it seems like the problem isn't my belief in being out of control. It seems like the problem is the scenario. That's why we keep calling it tracing back because it's like you're starting with Nancy, and you keep tracing it back, you're tracing it back to from the perception of the scenario to the feelings that identify, to the thoughts that I'm thinking of what I'm fearing in the future and then to the belief. So that's the tracing back because the point you want to get to is the middle. Can you want to take the ego? It's the core of this problem because until I get to the core, it's just going to keep coming back. Even if Nancy dropped off the face of the earth tomorrow, it's just going to come back in another form. When I blame fear or something in the world, it is to avoid seeing the upsets and resolution as they really are, decisions in my mind and to instead maintain an image of self, other, the world as I wish. Okay. So the upset and resolutions, it boils down to our first day when we talked about the wrong mind and the right mind. The wrong mind is the upset. It's always the source of the upset. And the right mind is always the resolution to use core terms of the Holy Spirit. This mind trick seems to displace guilt and fear, but actually maintains feelings of upset. To blame or fear an image of self, other, the world requires that I believe I am limited to a body and world of bodies and denies the spiritual abstract reality of my being. As a first step in letting go of all upset, I want to see in my mind what I thought was outside it. Being upset about a is only another attempt to make see the cause of my guilt and fear. I find a cause out here because as long as I can say, well, the cause is out there, then it takes the responsibility away from my mind. If the cause is always coming from my mind, then that sometimes can feel like I don't want it to be there. I want it to be that you're the problem or you're the problem with those people. Because it's too hard to change the mind when we get to thinking about it. Like you're saying, how can I change it? How can I see it different? And I ask myself that question. Well, that means I have to choose the right mind. So that means I have to go to this concept called forgiveness. And the way the Course explains forgiveness is really difficult to comprehend at this level of my experience. But like I'm beginning to understand it more and more and beginning able to see it. Like I just realized some things here that sort of made some shifts for me in, again, back to the bathroom and getting that squared away. So I guess what I'm saying is it's just so hard to give up what you believe and think is right and true because you had it all this time. Well, that's what you identify yourself. That's a very important piece of you. Yes, the self-concept. And then what we do is we find somebody who joins us in that self-concept and most people will. I mean, if you go tell the story and you tell about Nancy, in this group we're not going to buy it. But you go to a group of your friends and they'll say, you're right Lynette. How did you deal with that Nancy? How do you put up with her? You're a saint. You are a saint. Get rid of that Nancy. I don't need you to hear that. So you come here and we're saying we love you too much to buy it. We're going to work this through. But the world wants the world to be true. That's really important too is that joining. You can join in the conflict and you can bring in a bunch of people to join in the conflict or you can join in the peace and fight. So number eight, upset seems valuable and justifiable when A runs counter to what I want or wanted. What I want or wanted and still or unexpected or expected is E. How I wanted A to be the solution or how I wanted this scenario to go. In this case we could put peace in there, right? Well how do you want the scenario to look? With Nancy, with these family gatherings. That she wouldn't attract attention to herself or whatever. What's the ideal scenario? Upset seems valuable and justifiable. This isn't my upper mind talking. This is my lower mind talking, right? All this is your lower mind talking. All right. So what would your lower mind have said? What have been the ideal situation? Nancy would just be normal. But right down the knee. Now we got to the bottom of it. Nancy would come in and say, hi Lynette, how are you? And sit down and never say another word. You know normal. Well I haven't. I'm boisterous. Okay, we got her sitting there quietly. What is your situation right now? I still believe in some form of lack. You better believe in it. I still believe in some form of lack, D. So I think I need E to be happy, complete and at peace. Okay, now if she asks normal, I will be happy, complete and at peace. That's all it'll take, right? Sure. My ego will buy it. And that'll make me consistently happy, consistently complete and consistently at peace for the rest of my life. As long as she says, as long as Nancy stays quiet or home. So that leads us to the lesson. Is this belief in lack and the resulting expectation more important to me than peace of mind? Is it more important for Nancy to be quiet and at peace? At peace, my peace of mind. Well, is it? But now you're addressing. We're talking about peace of mind forever. Consistent peace of mind. Consistent. 100%. Of course not. Number nine, everything in the world works together for my good. What I think is the cause of my upset is not the cause at all. The choice to be upset is a choice not to see the cause. My belief in separation, lack, has a present decision in my mind. It's an attempt to see the cause in the past or future and the present has its effect. So the first sentence really gets to that. There's a line in the Course and there's also a line in the Bible about all things work together for good. And you probably have read about it in even other spiritualities as they talk about everything's happening for the good or divine order and different things like that. That's just a basic metaphysical principle. That's very reassuring. You might add. So if you even go back to scenario A, which is the scenario of what seems to be, here's this party or this gathering of the family and that's all working together for my good. But I have a belief in lack and I'm reading meaning into the scenarios, so to speak. And according to this meaning that I'm reading in, there's a villain there. Then I'm willing to question the meaning that I'm reading. And am I willing to take a look at, well, it's happening. It's all happening for my good. So this is a lesson for me to learn in this whole thing. And that is just how can I perceive this differently? Now, okay, a sentence says, the choice to be upset is a choice not to see the cause or my belief in separation lack as a present decision in my mind. Then the it's an attempt, that refers back to the choice to be upset. Alright, it's an attempt to see the cause in the past or future and the present as it's a fact. In other words, just thinking about Nancy. You know, you're thinking about the scenario and the emotions are coming up, the frustration, the anger, the being, you know, boxing or cornered in or whatever or those feelings are that don't feel very good. Then it's an attempt to say, no, it's not my belief in separation lack, it's the source of the subset. It's the cause is in the past or the future in the case of it could be just thinking about the past or it could be thinking about, oh my gosh, we've got to get together next week and this is going to happen again. So the mind again is not in the present. So you're upset right now even though Nancy's not anywhere near this room, but I'm just thinking about what happened in the past or I'm anticipating what's going to happen next time I see her. So I could reword that slightly and say it's an attempt to see the cause in the past or future and the present emotion is its effect. Because it's my present emotion that I'm tearing right now. Present state of mind. Present state of mind. Alright. And it says it's an attempt to see it that way. Yeah. Is what I want right now above all else, is peace. I question D and I voluntarily let go of your mouth shut, right? Which is, he's a good one because I think of E for expectations. It helps me remember that. Oh, I have to question my belief, my other one's belief in my...