 Amen, all right, keep your place in Genesis chapter 37. So this morning, of course Genesis chapter 37 is the story of Jacob and Joseph and what happened to Joseph. So this morning we're gonna have a parenting sermon and you're like, well, another parenting sermon, but we're actually gonna talk about something this morning that I haven't heard called out a lot as its own topic, but it has such serious consequences that I think that it deserves some attention. As parents, what we're gonna talk about this morning is this idea of favoritism, favoritism amongst children. And this is something that you don't hear a lot about, but the consequences of having favoritism in your families towards children is severe and I hope I can prove that to you this morning. There's many different examples in the Bible of this of favoritism ruining the relationships of parents and their children and of children with their brethren. So we're gonna look first at the Bible in Genesis chapter 37 and look at what favoritism has done here and then we'll look at a couple of other examples in the Bible just to show you that this isn't a one-off, this is something that can happen in different places as well. There's many examples in the Bible we won't actually get through them all, but I want to show you how important this is and so we can avoid it ourselves and even what the Bible says about it and what God says about it. Look at Genesis chapter 37 in verse number three to start off, the Bible says, now Israel loved Joseph, Israel of course Jacob, loved Joseph more than all his children because he was the son of his old age and he made him a coat of many colors. So right away here we see that Joseph is favored to his father. He is the favorite of his father and when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him and could not speak peaceably unto him and Joseph dreamed a dream and he told it to his brethren and they hated him yet the more and he said unto them, here I pray you this dream which I have dreamed, for behold we were binding sheaves in the field and low my sheaf arose and also stood upright and behold your sheaves stood round about and made obeisance to my sheaf and his brethren said unto him, shall thou indeed reign over us or shall thou indeed have dominion over us and they hated him yet the more for his dreams and for his words and he dreamed yet another dream and told it to his brethren and said behold I have dreamed a dream more and behold the son and the moon and the eleven stars made obeisance to me and he told it to his father and to his brethren and his father rebuked him and said unto him, what is this dream that thou has dreamed, shall I and thy mother and thy brethren indeed come to bow down ourselves to thee to the earth and his brethren envied him but his father observed the sink. So of course there's a lot of prophecy in these dreams from Joseph. We're not gonna get into that but the point is that a lot of people think that because of Joseph's dream his brethren hated him but that's not really the case if you look back at the beginning of this story. The Bible says that because of his dreams, I mean imagine he goes up to his brothers, he's the youngest, he goes up to his brothers and he says you're all gonna basically be bowing down to me, you're all gonna be serving me and then he tells them a story about how the stars are gonna bow down and serve him and you know look it says they hated him the more because of that. They already hated him in the first place. Okay so what was the root cause of this hatred? Well look the root cause of his hatred of this hatred towards Joseph was the favoritism that his father showed him. That was the root cause. Look back at verse number four. Look this is a big problem amongst siblings and it's demonstrated just directly right here and it can cause problems for children especially after their parents are gone by the way, especially after their parents are gone. Look back at verse number four. The Bible says when his brethren saw that their father loved him more. This is before all the dreams. This is before anything had happened with the dreams. It says when they saw that his father loved him more than all his brethren they hated him and could not speak peaceably unto him so they hated him because of that. So look, turn to Genesis chapter 29. We see that it was the favoritism that Jacob or Israel showed to Joseph that started the hatred that his brothers had towards him. Now look favoritism, in this case we can see it demonstrated, but let me just tell you something it never goes well in the Bible. Whenever there was favoritism in the Bible it never goes well. Look at Genesis chapter 29. Look let's talk about Jacob with his two wives Leah and Rachel. So Jacob had two wives, I mean he had more than two but I mean he had these two wives in the beginning and one of the reasons, I mean first of all this is one of the reasons, just one of the reasons that multiple wives never worked out in the Bible. All right, I mean there's obvious reasons but one of those reasons is favoritism. It's favoritism. Look at Genesis chapter 29 in verse number 30. And the Bible says, and he went in also unto Rachel and he loved also Rachel more than Leah and served with him yet another seven years talking about serving Laban. And when the Lord saw that Leah was hated he opened her womb but Rachel was barren. So here Jacob had a favorite wife and his favorite wife was Rachel and he did not favor Leah. Look down at verse number 34. And Leah was the one that had the children in the beginning and the Bible says in verse 34 it says about Leah it says that she conceived again and bear a son and said, so here she bears a son again and says, now this time will my husband be joined unto me because I have borne him three sons therefore was his name called Levi. So here Leah is just, I mean this is kind of a sad verse. I mean she's just looking for the favor of her husband and she's saying, hey, now I've borne him three sons now he'll love me, now he'll favor me but this poor woman just wants to be loved by her own husband. So look, you should favor your wife is another lesson out of this but the difference is you should only have one. It's much easier to favor your wife when you only have one because if you don't have more than one wife one is gonna be favored over the other. I mean that's just inevitable but look, you should favor your wife which is easy because you have one wife if you're married. But here's the thing, you will have multiple children in your life. You will have, I mean if God blesses you you will have, it's a blessing to have multiple children, the Bible says. So look, we need to make sure that there's no favoritism amongst children in our families. Let's look at another example. Let's look at King David. Go to 2 Samuel chapter 13. King David, I mean one of the greatest men of the Bible. You say David, well David had a lot of shortcomings as a father. Let me just say that. I mean we won't get into every detail of that of course but look at 2 Samuel in chapter 13. So here we have a situation where David's children, you had David's daughter Tamar was violated by her brother. I mean her brother Amnon did a horrible thing and he physically violated his sister and we won't get into the details there but you have a situation, look at 2 Samuel chapter 13 where this has happened and this is David's reaction. Look at verse 21 of 2 Samuel chapter 13. I mean imagine a terrible situation like that. You have multiple children and one of the siblings actually does something horrible like that to another one, to one of your daughters but the Bible says in verse number 21 it says but when King David heard of all these things so he found out about it. I mean David found out what happened. It says he was very raw. And Absalom spake unto his brother Amnon neither good nor bad for Absalom hated Amnon because he had forced his sister Tamar. So look, it says that David was upset about it but he did nothing about it. He did nothing. He did not punish the crime, nothing happened. So what happens? Absalom takes things into his own hands. Absalom says you know my father is not going to protect my sister. He's not gonna avenge or produce justice on the situation. And Absalom turned to 2 Samuel chapter 14. Absalom kills Amnon two years later. He sets him up and he does this whole thing and he sets him up and he kills him. And that's what gets Absalom banished and it drives this huge rift between David and Absalom. And you know I mean it just doesn't turn out in the end but look at 2 Samuel chapter 14. You can see you know what interesting thing about the Bible is you can kind of see where people's loyalties lie. There's several different cases in the Bible where I can point this out to you but this is another case where you see Absalom's own daughter, what does he name her? What does he name his own daughter? And look at verse 27 of 2 Samuel chapter 14. And unto Absalom there were born three sons and one daughter whose name was Tamar. And she was a woman of fair countenance. So he named, look he named his child after his sister. That's how you know, so Absalom you know he's coming from a good place here. He wanted you know Amnon punished for what he did to his sister. You know maybe he took things you know out of the things that weren't in his hands, into his hands and did some vigilaniism there. But the bottom line is he was very protective of his sister and he had so much affinity for his sister that he actually named one of his own, his daughter after her. Okay, so look this does not turn out well. You could say that David favored Amnon over Tamar by not punishing that crime. Okay, he didn't do justice in that case. He favored one of his children and what happens? What happens? Well Absalom ends up revolting against David. He takes the kingdom away from him. Absalom kills Amnon. Absalom ends up getting killed himself. It's just a disastrous family situation to say the least. Okay, so look, favoritism in the Bible never ends well, especially amongst siblings. So what is the application here? How can favoritism take form in our families? What does that look like? You say, how do I protect against favoring my children? Look back at verse number three of Genesis chapter 37. Look back at Genesis chapter three in verse number 37. Let's get into some details about things that we can watch out for to make sure that we're not favoring one child over another. Because look, maybe some parents don't even realize they're doing it. It might take forms where you don't even realize that you're doing it, but let me tell you one thing, you can be dead sure that your children understand that it's happening. It says when they hated him, when they knew that his father loved him more, they hated him just like that. It was definite. Look at verse number three. The Bible says, now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children because he was the son of his old age and he made him a coat of many colors. So look, Joseph, or Jacob, I'm sorry, Israel showed his favoritism outwardly in that he gave more to Joseph than he gave to the other children. And this drove a wedge between his other children and Joseph. So look, acting differently towards your children over other children is showing favoritism. Look at verse number 11. Look at verse number 11. When it talks about the dreams, the Bible says, and his brethren envied him, but his father observed the saying. So look, his father just looked at him differently as he looked at the other children. So I mean, look, think about this situation for a second. You have this young kid and you have these older brothers. Now, I imagine if I had one of my younger children that goes up to one of my older children that says, hey, I had this dream that you're gonna work for me one day, Garrett. It's like, hey, Garrett, you know I had a dream last night that I'm gonna be your boss. And then the reaction from the brethren, it does it seem like it's a little overreaction? I mean, they literally wanna kill him because of this. I mean, you would think if it was a normal sibling relationship that it would be like, oh, that's just little Jacob or whatever, just being goofy, right? But instead, they're like, we wanna kill him. And they literally plot to murder their brother. So something is there that is not normal. You have to understand. Because I mean, a dream of a little boy or a young man towards his older brothers should just produce a reaction like quit being a goofball. Not we're gonna kill you now, right? So there's something else there that's been there and the Bible tells us what it is. Is they hated him because their father favored him over everyone else. If they had a loving attitude towards their brother, the dream would have been no big deal, okay? So, but look, there's just this deep and this is really when I wanna get across before we get into details is that favoritism will produce this deep seated, deep seated resentment in children towards their siblings. Not to say that it's right that that happens but that's what does happen. I mean, I've seen it many times in my life. I've seen it many times with people that I know that people that, I mean, as you get older, you'll see it yourself amongst people that you know and are related to. But the difference is that it's because of the favoritism was the cause of that resentment. Okay, so look, children, children want your attention. Did you know that? Children want the attention of their parents. I mean, look at Leah. What did Leah say? She said, now this time my husband will be joined unto me. Children want your attention like a wife wants the attention of her husband. It's a similar type of thing. Children want the attention of their parents and children will be able to easily see if one child has more attention or is favored over the other. They'll be able to easily see it. Maybe easier than you. So have I convinced you that it's a serious problem? That's the first point of the sermon this morning to convince you that it happens all the time. It happened in the Bible with godly men and it's dangerous. It's dangerous. It's generational type dangerous. So how do we avoid it is the next question. We know it's serious. We know we don't want to do it. How do we avoid it? Well, the first thing is this. Turn to James chapter two. Favoritism is actually a sin. The Bible says favoritism is actually a sin. Look at James chapter two. Look at verse one. James chapter two and verse number one. The Bible says in Romans that God is not a respecter of persons. Why would you be? Look at James chapter two and verse number one. The Bible says my brethren have not the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with respect of persons. Look down at verse number eight. If you fulfill the royal law according to the scripture, now shall love thy neighbor as thyself, you do well. But if ye have respect to persons, ye commit sin. I mean that is pretty simple right there. In our convinced of the law as transgressors. Turn to first Timothy chapter five. First Timothy chapter five. First Timothy chapter five and verse number 21. The Bible says I charge thee before God and the Lord Jesus Christ and the elect angels that thou observe these things without preferring one before another. Doing nothing by partiality. So look, favoritism is just a straight up sin. You're not to just favor one over the other for selfish reasons. And I'll show you later in this sermon that that's what parents do and the reason that they favor one over the other is for selfish reasons. It's for selfish reasons. Look, favoritism, turn to Proverbs chapter 17. The biggest danger is this. Favoritism will separate your children from each other. Look, the sibling relationship, and this is something that I'm sure a lot of you parents with very young children, I'm sure this is something that you take for granted because I took it for granted as well. So the sibling relationship is a fragile one. You must understand that. That the sibling relationship is a fragile relationship. But it is something that you need to pay attention to early. Early and often. How your children treat each other is so important. Look at Proverbs chapter 17. Look, everyone thinks, everyone thinks especially when they're young and the kids are young and the kids are all together and they're playing and they're arguing and they're fighting and all these different things. Everyone thinks that these kids are just gonna be close forever. Everyone thinks that these brothers and sisters, they're gonna be brothers and sisters forever, which is true, they're always gonna be related. But everyone thinks that that relationship is always just gonna be close forever. Not the case at all. And the Bible tells us that. Look at Proverbs 17 in verse number 17. The Bible says this. It says, look, a friend loveth at all times and a brother is born for adversity. What? A friend loveth at all times and a brother, look, if you read that verse and you're confused, you're not old enough. That's all I can say. Because if you haven't seen brothers and sisters grow up and grow apart to the point where there's adversity there, you are not old enough because it happens all the time. But your friends, look, you ever heard the saying, you know what this Bible is basically saying here is based off of the, the saying is based off this verse. You can choose your friends, but not your family. You ever heard that saying? Look, I can choose my friends. I can choose who I hang out with. I can choose people that are like-minded with me. I can be 40 years old and go out and find like-minded adults and people that raise their kids like me kind of like us, right? People that are like-minded, that believe the same things, that have the same values, but you don't choose your family. People grow up. People grow apart. How? They get married to different people that have different ideas. And there's things that maybe separated them from the time when they were even very young is what we'll see. So we need to work hard to make sure that this proverb doesn't affect or doesn't come true in our families because the Bible is warning us here. That's why it's telling us this, okay? Think, I mean, you just think of the problems amongst siblings in the Bible, just the ones we've discussed. I mean, were these minor problems? I mean, was it a minor problem with Joseph? I mean, his brothers literally, I mean, they tried to murder him and then they decided they could make more money by just selling him into slavery. I mean, that's not a small issue. I mean, think about something like that happen today. It's terrible. Look at Ephesians chapter four and verse number 32. So here's something that you need to pay very close attention to amongst your children as they're growing up. And I mean, as soon as they can talk, you need to start paying attention to this type of thing. Look at verse number 32. The Bible says this and it says, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Look, this verse needs to be ingrained into your children as how they live and how they treat each other, how they act towards their brothers and sisters. Look, you need to teach them to speak kindly to one another. You need to teach them to look out for one another. You need to teach them, look, abuse amongst siblings. Do you understand that if you have one child that is abusing another child verbally, physically, whatever, that look, that will be seen as favoritism by you, because you're favoring one over the other. Kids, siblings, they get so used to each other. Sometimes it's easy for them to think that they can chide or be rude to one another and it's just something that's okay. Then we can just get, you know, in this phase where we're just so informal with each other in our homes, where we can just treat each other like garbage amongst siblings, it's not okay. And parents, if you let that type of thing go on, it will be seen as favoritism by you, because that's how Absalom saw it. Absalom, look, that's what it was. When you had one child that abused another child, look, that's an extreme case, but it applies. It applies, it was favoritism. By not punishing that and by allowing something like that to happen going and not doing justice in that situation, it was favoritism. So look, it's a big deal. Siblings bullying other siblings is a big deal and it must be stopped by you, the parent. I mean, just it's the same thing with David and Amnon. And look, when you are dead and gone, if you allow this to go on, when you are dead and gone, because you will be dead and gone and your sibling, your children will be on this earth without you for a long time. When you are dead and gone, if you allow this to go on, it will separate them from each other, is what it will do. I know siblings. I know siblings who are in their 70s today as I speak to you that want to have nothing to do and will not speak to their brothers and sisters because of the way they treated them when they were five or 10, just little kids. As soon as their parents died, we're done here. That's how it went. Look, it's a big deal in our family. You know, I brought up big deals. We've talked about discipline. We've talked about certain sins that your kids are gonna do and how to punish your children and what the Bible says about properly disciplining your children. But look, the Bible says, I told you, there's certain things that I bring the world down on my kids for. Lying is one of them. I mean, it's just an example. You know, if a kid just lies to me, if one of my children just lies to me knowingly, I'll just bring the whole world down on their head. Because I don't want that ever to happen again. I want them to know it's a big deal. Look, being mean or rude or bullying your younger brothers and sisters or your older brothers and sisters, that's the same category to me. It's a very serious offense in my household, by the way. And here's why it's such a serious offense to me because it's a sign of character emerging. If you have one child that is starting to be mean or is mean-spirited, look, a mean-spirited child will be mean-spirited to their brothers and sisters, but a mean-spirited child, that is character emerging. And let me tell you something, another thing, the older that you get, the more you will figure out and you ask anybody that's been in the ministry or has any experience for years and years in this, which I don't, but I mean, just the older you get, you will realize that changing somebody's character after they're an adult is maybe next to impossible. It's very difficult to do. It's very difficult to do. So you see these signs in a five-year-old, in a six-year-old where they're mean-spirited towards their brothers and sisters, you drop the planet earth on that and you make it stop. Or you, look, you will raise a child of low moral character and it will be unfixable. It's very serious. And like I said again, I'm gonna say the damage from this will last after you're gone. So how do you do it? Okay, how do you do it? How do you raise children all the same? And let me just give you a few steps on how to actually treat all your children the same. The first one is you must treat them all the same. You must love them all the same, which means what is love? Is love this feeling? No, you must act the same towards them. You must have the same actions of love towards all of your children equally. You must show the same sacrifices to all of your children equally. Through your attention, through your time, you must be equal with all your children. It must be equal with all your children. It's easier when they're young as they grow up. You need to make sure that you are doing this equally. Think of Leah. She just wanted his attention. She just wanted his love. Look, you need to spend time, dads. You need to spend time with your boys and your girls. It needs to be equal or that's favoritism. I mean, look, dads and daughters. It's something where dads, you know, dads maybe you're gonna wanna go spend time with your boys more because you can do boy stuff. Because you can do boy things. Look, you need to go out of your way to find things to do with your daughters, dads. You must do it or you are favoring the sons. I mean, you have to have things. With my daughter, we go mini golfing. We go to get coffee. We go fishing. We go hiking. You know, I forced her to go on hikes with me. It's fine. See her outlook, what do you think of that? She says she didn't have fun but every time I bring it up, she smiles. It was a test. So look, you must go out of your way to make sure that you're just not, you know, I've got some boys and I've got some girls and I'm just doing all boy things with the boys all the time. It's something you have to think about. Otherwise you're favoring the boys over the girls. That's it. Mom, sons, same thing. I love the fact that I will come home from lunch during the day and my wife will be on the phone and she won't be able to talk to me and I'm like, who are you on the phone with? She's like, Garrett, you know, the fact that her son will call her and talk to her for half an hour about certain things or whatever during the day, you know, when he's 18, 19 years old, I love the fact that that relationship is there but it's there because they spent so much time together in their life because it wasn't like, you know what, the girls are gonna be with the girls and the boys are gonna be with the boys. There was no favoritism. We always made sure that we had family time together and we were spending time with all the kids. Look, I'm not saying we did it perfect but we've always been aware of this. And we've always tried to make things, you know, very equal amongst the way we've treated our kids. So look, how about this one? How about discipline? How many times have you seen parents that just go easier on the youngest child? I mean, that's the case with Israel and Joseph. I can guarantee it that the youngest one, they just don't get in trouble with it for anything. How many times have you seen kids, siblings, being like, oh, you know, so-and-so, the youngest, they never got discipline for everything. And the oldest one, the first one, they got the hammer brought down on them for every little thing. You're all smiling because it's common. It's not right that you're showing favoritism. I don't care why it is, but it's favoritism. Maybe it's just laziness. We'll get into that too. You're just like, you know what? I'm almost done with this thing, whatever. The other one's turned out okay. It's fine, whatever you want to do. Just, you know, you have to discipline the same for all your children. Or guess what? And guess who notices it? Guess who's the first to notice it? The other children, they always notice it. And maybe it's no big deal if it's a normal loving relationship, otherwise it's no big deal. But guess what? As those kids grow up, they got disciplined differently. Here's how it reverberates through generations. As those kids grow up, one got disciplined heavily, the other didn't get disciplined at all. They marry, they have children of their own who these children are now cousins, right? And the cousins are all supposed to just hang out and be perfect friends all the time, right? What a joke. I mean, don't get me started. Let's just change the sermon to cousins right now. But the point is that this person was disciplined differently. This one was disciplined not at all. And now they raise their children differently. So these are completely different groups of children now. And it just, and that drives those families apart. And you're gone at this point. You're dead. How's that for a sermon? You're dead now. And now your kids and their kids, they just, it doesn't mix. It's like oil and water. This is how it happens. Now here's another one. And I've seen this over the years and this is a huge mistake, huge. By getting that across, this is a huge mistake. Here's another one. Never have older children discipline younger children. And what I mean by that is like spanking your younger kids. Having your older children, discipline your younger children. Here's not what I'm talking about. My wife and I, we're to the point now where our kids can, you know, they can kind of watch themselves. We can go out to dinner or well, now no one can go out to dinner. But back in America last year, we could go out to dinner and the kids could watch each other and you look, Garrett's in charge. But he reports to us the crimes when we come home. And I'm the executioner. I'm the judge, the jury and the executioner. He is not spanking our younger children. We would never allow that. I've seen that stuff happen too. Those children will hate each other. They will hate each other. How do you know? Because I could give you half a dozen examples of that. Because those older kids, they will beat those younger kids unmercifully. What are you doing? If you do this, it's a huge mistake. Stop. Because these kids will be driven apart from each other. You will ingrain. Look, you will plant such seeds of deep resentment amongst your children that it's, why does it happen that way? Because it's not the biblical order of things. That's why. Because it's not the biblical order. Whenever you step outside that biblical order, things just, it just goes all wrong. Just remember that. Understand your Bible and just remember that statement. There's a certain order of things in this Bible. There's a certain order for the family. There's a certain order for the husband and the wife and the children and the father. There's a certain order in the church. There's a certain order for everything. God has a certain order for everything. Every time you step outside that order and say, I'm gonna do it this way, it will be a train wreck for you. Especially as a Christian. You're just like, you know what? I'm gonna step outside that order here. Disaster. Guaranteed. So many examples in the Bible. Look, you'll create a Joseph situation is what you'll do. No one turned to Proverbs chapter 13. You say, this is your opinion. Turn to Proverbs chapter 13. Look at verse 24. No one should discipline your children but you. Why? Look what the Bible says. The Bible says that you should spank your children. I mean, how many times have we gone over this? A child should be spanked. Look what the Bible says in Proverbs 13, 24. The Bible says, he that spareth his rod, hateeth his son. But he that loveth him, chastened him be times. It says, he hateeth his son. Not he hateeth his brother. Not he hateeth his sister. Look, it's the father that's supposed to be spanking his children. It is the mother. It is the parents job to discipline the children. That is, look, that's the wheelhouse. That's the wheelhouse. I know 70 year olds who hate their brothers and sisters because of this one too. And you're just like, I'll be honest with you. I didn't understand it. I don't understand it when I was younger. And I'm like, why doesn't so-and-so talk to so-and-so anymore after their parents died? It's like, oh, because so-and-so used to watch them and when they were bad, they would just fank them or the parents. This is why. It's the one reason. Because they were literally, they will say, I was just beaten by my older brother or whatever as a child. Well, can't you get past that? Well, I mean, you should get past it, but in a lot of cases they don't. So I mean, we're not coming at it from that side. The point is, that seed of resentment was planted when they were like six, when they were like five, when they were like four, and they're 75 now. Big deal, you think? You think it, look, do you think it's a big deal this parenting thing we're doing? I mean, it should scare the living daylights out of you to be a parent. With the disasters that could be, if you don't do it right the way the Bible says, with the disasters that could be, look, it's just for brothers and sisters, it's just not their wheelhouse to discipline their younger siblings. It's outside the model. By the way, this is why, because look, they don't have that parental love that you have. They don't have the same parental love that you do. The Bible says that when I spank my son, it's because I love him. And I do, and I'm not saying that I've never spanked my children when I was angry, but I mean, the Bible says I do it because I love them and I did do it because I love them. And I know because there's, the vast majority of the times, I didn't even want to do it. I just did it because I knew it had to be done. I knew it had to be done. Look, this is why daycare centers, by the way, are so bad, not to go off on this. Daycare centers are bad because guess what? They don't love your child. Public schools, they don't love your child. So guess what? When you have a daycare situation where your kid's gone off in daycare and they're just, that's why there's so many, there's so many bullying situations, so many horrible abuse situations in schools and daycare centers because they don't love your child. They could care less. They're paid to care. They don't love them, which means what? There's gonna be favoritism. That means that all children are not gonna be treated the same. Are all children likable when they're not yours? I mean, think about it. I mean, they have to be yours for you to have that love to care for them properly, right? I mean, who wants to watch somebody else's kids? The whole idea of it just drives me, gets me upset right away. Nobody, I mean, that's why this stuff doesn't work. Turn to Proverbs chapter 24. So I mean, I'll just leave the discipline part here. But the bottom line is this, you must discipline, first of all, you must do the discipline, parent. It's your job. That's your wheelhouse. You say I don't want to. Well, you should have thought of that before you had kids. Proverbs chapter 24, look at verse number 23. Not only do you have to do it yourself, you have to do it in the right way. You say, man, this is complicated. Look at verse number 23. You gotta do it in a way where you're just. And it's right, and it's equal for each one. You're just always. Look at this. These things also belong to the wise. It is not good to have respect of persons in judgment. It's not good to say, oh, you know, because it was Joseph, we're gonna let it slide. Oh, because he's the youngest. We're just gonna let it go. You know, we're real hard on this one, but this one, I just, I'm tired. I don't wanna spank kids anymore in my life. I'm just gonna let it go. That's not, that's having respect of persons in judgment is what that is. And it's showing favoritism, period. So we see in discipline, you should not show favoritism. Discipline is your responsibility, dad and mom. What's another one? What's another one? Giving, look back at verse number three of Genesis chapter three. Genesis chapter 37, I'm sorry. Notice how in Genesis chapter 37, in verse number three, the Bible says this. Now, Israel loved Joseph more than all his children because he was the son of his old age. So it tells you why he did, but then it gives you another little tidbit here of something that Joseph did, of something that Jacob or Israel did for Joseph. And it says, and he made him a coat of many colors. Not only did he give him this nice coat, he made it for him. I mean, he made this coat. That's interesting when they bring the coat to him and they're like, I don't know, they bring this coat all covered in blood. They know he'll recognize it because he didn't buy it at Walmart. He made it himself. He stitched the thing together with his own hands. Of course, he's gonna recognize the coat and they knew this because he made it for him. Okay, so look, if you do one thing for one child, it's easy as a parent of young children. Just tattoo this in your head though. It gets harder as they get older. Maybe it doesn't get harder. Maybe that's not the way to say it. You have to pay more attention to it as they get older. You have to pay more attention to it as they get older. If you do one thing for one child, you must do it for all of them or you are favoring the children. I have a friend who I grew up with since I was in like first grade and his sister went to college. This is just one example. His sister went to college. She was much older than him. I think she was five years older than him and he had a brother and a sister. And his sister went to college and she went to some elite private school and it cost, I don't know, like a ton of money to go to this college. And his sister went to this college and got out of this college and then when it came time for him to graduate from high school, his dad's like, we have no money left. Join the army. So he did. And I mean, there was no indication to me that there's problems there. But I mean, the point is, is that's not right. That's not right. His brother, same thing. Yeah, we spent all the money on your sister. You joined the army too, right? So look, you need to ask yourself when you plan for one child, you need to ask yourself, can I afford this or how am I gonna do this equally for all my children? That's what you need to ask. And look, it goes from small things. And my wife is very good at this and she's constantly reminding me of this. Because sometimes one of the kids will want something for their birthday that I'm really interested in and I'll just wanna go way overboard on the whole thing. You know, oh, we can do this and we can do this. And then it kind of becomes my birthday a little bit. And my wife always has to remind me, she's like, okay, we spend this much money for the kids on their birthday every time. And I'm like, oh, but that's the way you have to do it. That's the way you have to do it. It is so important. And then the large things, because these build into larger things, right? Birthdays are small things, right? But look, the coat of many colors, that was just a constant reminder. You have to understand, if you have one child, that you go and you spend $200 on for their birthday and then the other child, you just get them like a box of cracker jacks and you're like, whatever you find in there, do they still do that with the cracker jacks and the toy inside? You're like, whatever you find in there, that's your birthday present, son. I mean, the $200 toy or coat is gonna be a constant reminder to your children on how you have favored one over the other. You see that? That coat, Jacob's wearing this coat around every day and they're just like, stupid coat. Let's kill him now. I'm sure there was more to it than that. But you see, it was just a constant reminder on how their father loved him more. Because what was he saying? He's saying, I love you more. That's what he was saying. I'm gonna spend all this time, you box of cracker jacks, have fun, knock yourself out. You, I'm gonna spend days making you a coat. It's gonna be great and you can wear it around for everybody to see. And I mean, what a terrible thing to do. What a terrible thing to do. Look, you could say, ah, but we shouldn't care about material things. But in this case, parents, material things matter. I'm telling you. Material things matter. This, I mean, it all needs to be equal. It was a constant reminder to his siblings that their dad loved him more. I mean, that's the bottom line. Now look, think about this. Think about this. If you're gonna guide your boys and you're gonna guide your girls in their life, you know, think about this. We have certain goals for our kids. We have certain goals. Now the birthday was the small thing that leads into bigger things. These are the bigger things. You have certain goals for your kids. Education, savings, et cetera, how they're supposed to, their path forward in their life so you can launch them into this life successfully, right? I mean, you have certain goals for the boys. Look, the goals for your daughter, they're gonna be different but equal. Does that make sense? Look, there's certain goals for my boys where we're helping them find a path. And we're gonna help them find a path where they can go out in this life and they can be successful and raise a successful family that grows up healthy and learns to serve the Lord. But I mean, there's a lot of detail involved in everything I told you there. You know, part of that is how they're gonna, you know, support themselves and how they're gonna support their family and how they're gonna, you know, create some savings. Look, as far as my daughter goes, we're still providing a plan of education for her. The savings part, because I'm not gonna kick my daughter out and have her go to work in the world, the savings part for her, I'm gonna provide for her. So it's almost unfair to the boys because they have to work for, you know, that savings part on their own but they get character out of that. And they're gonna need that character going forward to lead their families but that savings part, that financial nest egg, you know, I provide that for my daughter, it will be equal. The goal is equal. The path to get there for each one is different but the goal is equal. We're not just saying, oh, you know, you're not gonna be going out and working so forget about that. No, you must think of, they could be different paths, obviously girls and boys are not gonna have the same path but they can be different paths but they must be equal. You must treat them the same. You must treat them equally. If you provide, the bottom line is if you provide and guide opportunity for one of your children, you must do it for all. You must do it for all. If you support one child in their plan for their life, you must do it for all. It's very simple. You cannot have a favorite child and I've seen this so many times too. You cannot have a favorite child who you put all your hope in. I mean, what in the world? It's about their future, not yours. So, I hope you understand the importance of this and this is something that needs to be planned out between you and your wife and something that you need to make sure that you execute justly in your life. But you say, you know, why? Just think about this. The consequences are so dire of this happening. Why does it happen? Because it's very common, is it not? It's very common and all of you know that it's common but it really boils down to two things. It's selfishness on the side of parents. Let me just give you a very simple example. You know, the dad who has, you know, five kids, you know, maybe he's got three or four boys or whatever and he was a baseball star in high school and all he cares about is having the next baseball star and you know, look, sports and many things like that, there's a lot of natural ability involved. And say he's got one child who's that baseball star and the others just, they're no good at sports. I've seen this so many times too and he just, it's all about that one child and it's all about that baseball star and it's all about this and you know, because that's all that matters and what a stupid thing to favor over but I mean, I've seen, I mean, so many people favor over stupid things like that. Well, so it's selfishness. It's a parent either wanting to live through, you know, the life of their child or it's just selfishness on the side of parents and the next thing is this, it's laziness on the side of parents because the discipline of every single child the exact same way, that takes vigilance. That takes not, vigilance is not the right word. You know what the word is? Diligence. It takes a plan and then the consistent execution of that plan for every single child is what it takes and here's another thing. You know, if you're gonna treat them all the same, it's expensive. Maybe you'll tune down, spoiling one of the kids in that case. If you think about every single child, we need to treat them the same and you realize how important, you know, buying extra birthday presents for one child, you know, the disaster that that could be that coat of many colors, you know, it's expensive if you're gonna buy all the kids a coat of many colors or make all the kids a coat of many colors maybe you'll just buy them, you know, a reasonable jacket at a garage sale. I mean, you have to plan this though. You have to plan these things. So it's basically just, it's a parent problem. I want you to understand this morning, it's a problem with the parents and it creates these massive problems in children for generations to come. Now look, you say, what if there was favoritism in your family? You know, well there was favoritism in my, there wasn't in my family but my parents were actually very careful about this and that's one of the reasons that I kind of have this ingrained in me is I remember my dad saying over and over that it will be the same for all of you kids. Well, we did this for, you know, Christy and we're gonna do it for every single one of you kids. You know, it's my, my parents were very careful about that and I think that they were careful about it because they saw, you know, disastrous results in their lives from favoritism. So look, if it's happened to you just honor your parents as well as the Lord allows. I mean, and you just gotta let these things go. I mean, you gotta let it go. You gotta forgive. You gotta forgive your siblings. You gotta forgive your parents. You know, don't let it, I mean look, just don't let it turn you into an absalom is the bottom line. You gotta look forward, put your hand to the plow just like all the sermons we've preached on this in the past and just look forward and not get snagged by things in the past. But look, favoritism's a big deal. Have I mentioned that? We always need to be watching out for it. We need to be protecting our children's relationship with each other all the time. And not only is it something that God doesn't like, it's a literal sin and it will drive your children apart from each other. Look, when you are gone is when this monster will rear its ugly head. You say, my children, they seem to be fine right now but when you're dead and gone is when the monster will come out. And it's ironic. And it's ironic because here's the thing. If you ask most parents, me included, like what is the main goal of your life? It's that my children would be able to grow up and that when I'm dead and gone, they would grow up, they would be serving the Lord, they would raise children, they'd grow up to love serving the Lord and they would have brothers and sisters that also have children that are serving the Lord and the cousins could be actually not only just their brothers and sisters, they could be one serving the Lord as one with their brothers and sisters that they would, but you know what that takes? That takes an incredible amount of continuity. They need to marry the right people. They need to raise their children according to the Bible, according to the model of the Bible. But if they do that, if they raise people that love serving and they marry people that love serving the Lord, they treat each other well when they're growing up together, they're all treated the same, there's no seeds of resentment amongst them, they marry people that love to serve the Lord, they love the Lord, they have children and they follow the Bible, it will all be continuous. It's possible. It's one of the goals of my life. It's one of the goals of my life. It's one of the reasons that I've made a lot of the moves that I've made in the last several years. And so we can have this continuity in our family for generations. Or at least my children will have that chance, at least that chance to provide that continuity. They can make their own decisions, but at least they'll have a chance. At least the opportunity will be there. But look, you could ruin all that just by how you raise them as parents, folks. Romans 2, 11 says, there is no respect of persons with God. Our ultimate example here is with the Lord. You must treat all your children the same. And you must follow the model of the Bible and apply it exactly to each child. So be very careful about the things that I talked about. The consequences are real and lasting, unfortunately. Let's bow our heads and have a word of prayer.