 hello everybody hello everybody um wait i haven't done this in so long i don't know it feels so awkward i don't know where to begin i don't know what to say what am i doing getting thirsty for the shower shall we hi everybody it's me ash did you forget me i was probably the longest i've gone without uploading anything since i've started a delting series just always really bad at being consistent um but also i just got really busy for a while i'm trying to upload this video because i'm leaving to new york in a few days and that means that i won't be able to upload for another two three weeks so i'm like should i not should i just not upload should i just wait till i'm back from new york and then start uploading when i could upload consistently i feel terrible as a creator for making you guys wait so long and making you guys wait again when i go away to new york for two weeks but yes i'm going to new york to see my family and i'm actually gonna be spending my birthday with them which is very special because the last time i celebrated my birthday with them was more than 10 years ago so this will be nice i'm gonna be narrating my vlogs a little bit and uh talk you through it because i what i did vlog but it was just like very little snippets here and there i didn't do like the whole like sitting down or introducing or talking going into detail about what i'm doing and i have a lot to fill you guys on so thought why not make this type of video i hope it's not too boring where to start um i've been doing a lot of self care it's been four months since i've started therapy now and i've been doing it weekly the main reason i started therapy is because i wanted to get to know myself better and just learn why i am the way i am and because i wanted to improve myself and work on myself it's been nice because i would have these aha moments when my therapist would ask me these questions and it would help me be more self-reflective and dive deeper than just thinking about me on a surface level i can't say i've become a better person since starting therapy but i do feel lighter and more grounded after each session so the end of july and the beginning of august was a little tough mentally so i would like break down a lot um i would try to meditate which i have a problem doing consistently it's only when i'm like super stressed that i'll actually time take the time to just meditate and space out i know it's supposed to be so good for you people talk about it all the time but i don't know it just i i think i needed to try it out a little more so at one point in july i turned on the camera and started ranting these days while i haven't been vlogging i've been trying to spend more time by myself and been trying to just focus on myself i just don't think i know how to be alone i definitely am a social person but i don't have enough time to focus on myself and to listen to what i want i mean everyone's on their journey to self-discovery and it's like an ongoing process but i did really start late okay maybe not late it's never too late but i didn't get to do a lot of self-discovery and self-exploring in my 20s so i'm starting now i want to be able to enjoy being alone and being able to feel whole and not having to depend on other people like a significant other or a friend to make me feel whole because i can't expect to meet someone who is whole and complete when i'm not like that myself so just trying to work on improving myself bettering myself but not trying not to be too obsessed with it honestly i've just been very emotional these days but that's okay i'm just figuring it out i'm doing much better now and i have a much clearer headspace and it was summer so like the summer girl i am i spend a lot of time out with my friends as well i did document this one time i went out with jone today we're going out on a little like a date night usually we always just hang out in our neighborhoods because we live pretty close so we always meet with like no makeup on and it's very chill i wanted to you know change things up a bit and so i told her hey let's dress up on saturday and go on a date night i'm gonna get ready right now makeup is done here's my outfit for today i put my hair up very open open back hello i've met my hubby hi we have matching phone cases right now see she has the same phone case we're on our way to this place called tbd what am i beautiful day we need to spice things up you know i know i'll be like you know we're like a married couple that needs to have doesn't mean they have a date night thank you for treating me hubby my hubby treated me but like she also bought me and subini wine yesterday that was nothing though but still thank you can we do it together can you do it with me well and on the first day of august i had a photo shoot for this brand musinsa it's a korean online fashion store and they just launched their global site so i filmed some content for them we went around Seoul at three different locations filming like five six different looks it was fun because it's something that i love to do i love to explore new places and search for new cafes or restaurants to upload to my aesthetic guide instagram which if you didn't know i have a new instagram dedicated to all the cute aesthetic spots in Seoul so please go follow i started taking barista lessons um yeah i talk about it here so let's just watch that good afternoon everybody i'm balancing my phone on a water bottle right now that's what my phone is balancing on i have too much trust in this world i'm gonna start getting barista lessons today i'm trying to get my barista license it's just been something that was on my bucket list i've always been interested in learning more about coffee and making coffee and i don't know who knows i might use it one day i'm gonna get lessons through the sac which is the specialty coffee association there are five different licenses that you can get there is barista skills brewing sensory skills roasting and green coffee which is learning more about like the beans i'm gonna start with barista today's the first class which is introduction to coffee and i feel like i'm like going back to school or something because the class is two and a half hours which is kind of long but yeah i'm excited and the next vlogs to come you'll see a more detailed video of me making coffee and getting lessons and yeah on my way to becoming a barista barista barista barista and my radio broadcast station arirang was celebrating their anniversary so we had a special episode and they asked me to prepare like a performance for like the talent show segment so i decided to dance to new jeans because i was obsessed with them at the time so i was like why not try to learn to dance so i spent a good amount of time trying to learn the choreography for new jeans attention dude i was dying i don't know how they make it look so easy because it is not easy you don't stop moving and they have all these like bounce moves so you can't breathe yeah i got a lot of exercise a lot of cardio exercise learning the choreo i performed it on radio and i also made a cover of it and uploaded it to my instagram something i've been able to do consistently though is going to the gym i go to the gym at least two times a week because i have one-on-one sessions with my trainer and on a good week i'll go like four times i definitely feel stronger i've been wanting to you know gain more muscles and i'm very proud of myself for being consistent with that i can't make any promises but i'm gonna try to upload more consistently like the way i did i don't know it used to be so natural and used to be so much more enjoyable but at a certain point i think i started thinking too much and it got to my head but i think the time off definitely helped so when i'm back from new york i'm gonna start editing my butt off and i will try to upload the rest of the videos as well because i have a lot of footage just sitting here and i really want to get all of them out before this year ends which is also crazy to me i know we say this all the time but like can you believe it's november like we only have two months of this year left have a safe halloween and i'll see you guys when i'm back from new york in november i'm gonna hit the bed now bye everyone thanks for watching clearly needs sleep okay bye