 And yesterday I was running around doing a lot of things and it was like my voice was out of the box, you know. And I felt, well, do I need to, like, express, you know, something here? I think it was also to be able to sit still, to allow the communication to come as well as expressing it. This was a lot of it because I was running around and I've just had, like, well, I mean, I've just sort of been in this mind so I've got to do so much stuff before I come up. But I'm like, it's all okay. It's all right. Nothing, nothing I can't be done. Like that Beatles song. What we trying to do? Just Erin's, like, to go to the doctor and practical things. It's more of the energy of, like, feeling, just letting my mind, you know, be scrambled or something. But I think it's like, and then everything feels really intense. Like I'm walking down the street and I'm like, so intense. And now, like, everything, this feels really intense. And the whole, the separation anxiety comes up, you know. And it's like, oh my God, I'm leaving now. And I love, I love this place though. Like, but I'm not going anywhere. Also. So, a lot of that's coming, a little bit, that I know. And I just was like, I just had to come out here. I was like, doing things. And then I met with Hilton and we had a quick bite to eat. And I was like, I'm just going to go and do something like that stuff before. And I was like, I'm just going. Like, I'm not thinking of just coming out. You know, this is where I want to be. And I'm glad I came up here. Yeah. Can you talk about the separation? Oh, yeah. I'll signal the beginning of our kid is gone. First change that was ever experienced was what some people call the fall from grace in the state of nirvana or heaven or perfection. From eternity into time, that's the first seeming change. From everlasting to time increments. We're just talking about errands to run and things to do and possible past, possible future. And so the mind that believes that it was separated from God or Source now believes that it's dreaming a dream. It's people full of all kinds of figures that seem like they're other people, but they're really just reflections of our mind. So they just witness to all of our thoughts and concepts and emotions. So we're really, we think we're seeing something that's apart from us, but it's actually just a representation of us. So now waking up back to that eternal reality involves change. And these increments of change we could call miracles or openings and shifts in mind. And every time the mind shifts towards this wholeness, towards this eternity, towards the present moment, there is an anxiety, there's a deep-seated kind of fear there, because the first change that was experienced was traumatic. So now even in the return to that state, each step of letting go of the familiar, letting go of what seemed to be comfortable and convenient and so on and so forth, has an anxiety with it because each step is a step back towards that eternal moment towards the just living in the present moment. So it can be with the city or a location, or you didn't experience too much with karma, and I guess you, did you have any separation of anxiety with your boyfriend? When he left? Yeah. Yeah, that's why I got sick. It was a tiny cafe. When I got cold, then the cold was over, then I got, then it was throat, then it was stomach. It seemed like things were flowing out of my eyes, my nose, my ears, my mouth. Everything was coming out. I had never experienced anything like that. So something was definitely happening, and I wasn't aware that it was going to happen. There was that little bit of anxiety in there that the ego decided to just pray for me to see my friend because I could see it and see how meaningless it was. I didn't enjoy being sick at all. So while I get sick, while I get upset, I decided to come clean with him. I said, I'm going to come clean. I feel bad that you're leaving this whole thing, and that's when he calmed me down and called me. He said, we got back to, you know, it's done, and he was actually able to just express it beautifully. And, you know, let's just be friends together, and, you know, be there for each other, and it's fine. So it's good. Yeah, it seems to be two that's very much tied into time in the past because there's a familiarity. And when you think of all, like if you think of all the joyful memories that you've had around New York since you've lived here, this has been like your home town. The same thing happened to me, you know, back when I first started being called to go travel and to do these kind of things, I felt like a bit of separation anxiety with Cincinnati because I had seemingly gone through the whole thing and spent much of my whole life there. And then when I would go out on some travels and come back and see the skyline for the first time as I would come around the bend from Indiana or Northern Kentucky or whatever and feel this, it was like sentimentality. It was a lot of sentimental feelings because it's a sense of home. And it can be not only all the memories that you've had but family members, you know, my grandmother, my sister, my family and everything. It could be a sense of separation anxiety or just missing, you know, just being out on the road and just missing someone or missing a place or whatever. And I noticed, though, that I went off on my purpose. I went into my purpose of just letting it pour through me that every time I would come back, it would be like the separation anxiety would be a little less or the feelings of heaviness or sadness. And I was like, oh, this is how it's like shifting in my mind. I had to get really anchored in my purpose before that it kind of dissolved away. And I think that's the same way it goes in relationships that we go through a series of relationships a lot of times and there's a sadness about parting or like you were saying, Carmen was saying, you know, what about a year from now and I don't want to lose you and, you know, it gets into a lot of stuff about the future. But as long as we feel like there's still something pulling on the inside or something, then that's still the ego getting undone and it's getting washed away gently over and over and over but it's like the ego still wants to like cling to something and associate all that joy with specifics, persons or places or things. I think in my life I would go back and think about these powerful holy incidents I had with certain people in certain places and I would try to go revisit almost like to recapture the place again but it wouldn't be there and I would be like, hmm, it's got to be inside of me and it's just the ego is trying to tie it and associate it with a particular person or place or thing. So that's basically what this awakening is is letting go of that hurt and anxiety. Yeah, like now at first the emails, back and forth all things just like I love you, I'm scared from Carmen now you're in my heart, you're in my thoughts it's like gotten, if he just needed some time he kind of flipped it out at first and he relaxed it so nice just to see that he's relaxing down and enjoying himself a bit more and being more present and just now he's saying yeah, you know, you're here but maybe he's not with us so yeah, maybe it took a little time just to get there.