 SCP-3467 Object Class Keter Special Containment Procedures SCP-3467 is to be made fun of at every opportunity, hackling practical jokes and pranks are good examples. Filming the more spectacular procedures is a must. Description SCP-3467 is a 6-foot-tall, 200-pound man-eating chicken. Hank is 35, slightly balding, dark brown hair and eyes and slightly overweight. Name is Hank, and he has worked as a level 1 cleanup crew for the past three years. Hank is never seen without a bucket of chicken and only stops eating it when it's actually working, which is a rare occurrence in itself. It is known that Hank still lives in his mom's basement and hearsay amongst the female staff that he is still a virgin. All video footage of the more impressive procedure performed on Hank are available in the central reading area. Document-3467-01 Damn it guys, this isn't funny. The system still freaks out when I enter the building, and I don't have clearance to delete this stupid file. Thanks a lot, assholes. Hank. Document-3467-02 Now this is a bit unfair, I mean, it's not his fault he's fat, balding still lives with his mom and… Hank. No, no, no, sorry. I can't stay with a straight face. Come on, alright? Let me try it again. I'll do it proper this time. I promise. Document-3467-03 Document-3467-03 Document-3467-03 Document-3467-03 Document-3467-03 In accordance with SCP-Protocols associated with this item, the following record of special containment procedures carried out by Dr. Gears is submitted. After incident ██ with its incapacitation, SCP-682 regeneration was being monitored via sealed observation booth. This booth projected 12 feet into the current containment area, constructed a transparent super-dense plastic developed by ██ SCP-3467 was instructed to clean the observation booth. When SCP-3467 was at the far end of the booth, the security door was locked. The sounds of SCP-3467 attempted to escape and Dr. Gears' uncontrollable laughter attracted the attention of a 67% regenerated SCP-682. SCP-682 attempted to attack SCP-3467, however its current state posed no danger to the structural stability of the booth. Dr. Gears observed SCP-3467 to emit a loud, extremely high-pitched scream not unlike a small female child. SCP-3467 proceeded to whimper like said small child and asked for mommy. SCP-3467 was instructed to bark like a dog if he wished to exit the booth. SCP-3467 proceeded to bark like a small, frightened canine for 48 seconds after which the security door was opened. It was observed that SCP-3467 had depicated himself at some point during the event. Recordings of events are available via a request to Central Records or Dr. Gears. They caught on all fours when he barked, I didn't even ask him to do that, Dr. Gears.