 So failure to commit in a relationship, why does he not want to commit or sometimes why does she not want to commit? Usually the first one is more common than that I would hear certainly. So let's let's talk about that, that fear of commitment, why does a person reluctant to be fully in the relationship, half in the relationship, half out of the relationship? One of the mistakes we make with this is that we kind of assume that their lack of readiness to commit is a sign of immaturity. Now I want to just take a different approach to this. Let's just start off with the assumption here or the idea that their lack of commitment or lack of readiness to commit is logical. It makes perfect sense from them, from their perspective it makes a lot of sense that they're just not ready to commit. And of course from the other person's perspective it feels like they're half in, half out and it drives them up the wall, that's for sure, there's no doubt about that. But why is it logical? We could easily label it as immature or something, but let's just give it some due respect for a minute and see where it's coming from because it can be something that you can move past and get to a place where the person is ready to make a commitment. But just labeling that issue they have as immature is not going to help. We need to really understand it because understanding it helps both partners move through it. So really this is the equation, it's pretty simple. A person will be unwilling or unready to make a full commitment to a relationship. If they think that life in the relationship is not as good as life outside the relationship. Now that might seem like I'm stating the bleedingly obvious there, but I'm just going to say it again, as long as they think life in the relationship is not as good as life outside the relationship, they will not make a full commitment. They'll drag their heels, they'll be in and out, they'll drive their parents up the wall. So that's what it is. Now then we have to ask ourselves, well why do they know? Would they not like life in the relationship? What are they giving up? That's where we can start really because they are giving up something if they leave the life outside the relationship. What are they giving up? What is a person giving up if they're going to make a full commitment to be in a relationship? Well there's a lot of things. They're giving up their ability to meet and be with other people. That's our real thing that they're giving up, they are giving up that. They're giving up when you're in a relationship with someone else. You have to be far more mindful of another person's preferences and needs and decisions you'll make cannot be as independent in a relationship. So you're giving up a lot of freedom to make decisions, to go where you want to do, wherever you want to go, to do whatever you want to do. You complete independence when you're not in a relationship. In a relationship less so. So isn't that logical? It makes perfect sense that a person would not be just totally ready to commit all the time. Let's just respect the fact that what that fear of commitment is. Now you could call it a fear of commitment but you could just say also it's quite sensible. So how then does a person move from this over to this, to not wanting to be in a relationship, wanting what they have outside the relationship, to being in the relationship? Well this is a huge, huge key. They need to become aware of what life in the relationship is giving them that they're not currently getting. And that's the key. As soon as they really begin to realize what's in the relationship for them then it becomes choiceless. It becomes well this is awesome. They have to feel like this is awesome over here. And often times when people have this issue when they're saying like I feel insecure in this relationship, I feel like the other person isn't fully in it, they're not ready to make a full commitment. It's the feeling that they'll have is feeling secure around this. So really we want to look at how can you start to feel more secure? Well one thing you need to realize is what are the emotional needs of the person who has the fear of commitment? If you can figure those out, you're now in a much stronger, more secure position because you know what will make life over here for them awesome. So get curious about what their emotional needs are. Now if you're seeing a man, a male partner, that is very frustrating for a lot of people because what do men want is a question and often times you ask a man what he wants and he doesn't know and the reason for that there are many but one is that men are usually very very out of touch with what their emotional needs are. They might give you some very very superficial needs that they have if they're being honest. But men's emotional needs, let's say he's in a relationship and it's a really good relationship and his emotional needs have been met. He has a lot more emotional needs than maybe he even knows about. So if you can find out what your partner's emotional needs are, you'll realize this person maybe doesn't even realize the amount of happiness that's waiting for them in this relationship because as a partner you, your role is to help meet those emotional needs to fulfill that person's life in ways that they don't even understand yet. When you realize that the feelings of insecurity go away, you're not even afraid anymore of the fact that they're clinging to the independent life of being outside the relationship. You begin to feel a lot more confident about there is huge value to being with me in this relationship. So I'm going to talk about that in other videos, but that's the equation. That's where the fear of commitment comes from. They need to see life in the relationship in better than life outside it because I talked to you again soon. Take care.