 The Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike. I'm 6-7-12....oldamil-igan Let your own taste and throat be the judge For smoothness and mildness There's never a rough puff in a lucky strike For smoothness and mildness There's never a rough puff in a lucky strike Yes, let your own taste and throat be the judge For smoothness and mildness There's never a rough puff in a lucky strike And that's because L.S.M.FT Yes, MFT. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, fine light naturally mild tobacco that gives you smoothness and mildness in every lucky you smoke. And no wonder, for years Lucky Strike has maintained the largest and most complete cigarette research laboratory in America. Tobacco is analyzed both before and after it is bought. Yes, prior to the auctions the buyers for Lucky Strike send sample leaves from all tobacco growing areas to the great Lucky Strike research laboratory in Richmond, Virginia for scientific analysis to help determine which tobaccos are really fine, light, naturally mild. And this is only one phase of the constant year-round research program that makes possible the unconditional guarantee you find on every pack. In all sincerity we ask you to check the cigarette you're now smoking. We assure you that among all leading brands only the makers of Lucky Strike put a guarantee on the pack. So smoke a Lucky and then let your own taste and throat be the judge. For smoothness and mildness there's never a rough puff in a Lucky Strike. So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. Make your next carton Lucky Strike. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Belly with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Tennessee and yours truly Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we're broadcasting from New York City for the opening of the 1950 Heart Campaign. So without further ado, I bring you the man who is here to help launch the campaign, Jack Belly. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hello again, this is Jack Belly talking and ladies and gentlemen, as Don said, we're here to help raise money for the 1950 Heart Campaign. It's a very worthy charity and everyone should donate as much as possible. Well, Jack, do you think everyone will make a donation? Don, if I'm giving, how can anyone refuse? Well, tell me, Don, have you been doing anything exciting since we've been here? I certainly have, Jack. I've seen several shows and I've been to some night clubs, but early Wednesday morning I got the biggest thrill of all. The government invited me to come to Norfolk, Virginia. Really? Why? Well, I don't know, but when I got there, they took off my clothes, pushed me in the ocean, the tide went up and the mighty mole floated away. I knew, Don, I knew, I knew you could do it. Okay, Dad, let's get the show rolling. William Harris is here. Come on, come on, let's get this clam baked off the ground. Hi, it's Jackson. Well, if it isn't deer, hearts and drunken people. Hello, Phil. Hey, Jackson, this is really a great town, ain't it? Nothing like old New York. You said it. Philip, you having fun? Yes, sir. The first night in town, Remley and I spent the evening at the Museum of Natural History. Phil, the museum. And the next night we went to Carnegie Hall Thursday night, Grant's Tomb Friday night, the planetarium. And last night we conducted on a tour through the Botanical Gardens. Phil, do you mean that you and Remley have been spending your evenings in such places as Carnegie Hall, the Museum of Natural History, and the Botanical Gardens? No, but Alice might be listening in and I want to get out again tonight. Oh, I see. Hey, Jackson, you know the night I said that Frankie and I went to Grant's Tomb? Yeah. We were stiffer than he was. Well, Phil, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. You only get to New York once in a while. You ought to go to some shows and take Alice with you. Well, I've been trying to get Alice out of the hotel, but we can't get a sitter. A sitter? Yeah, with what's happening around town, somebody's got to stay home with a jewelry. All right, I got a man at home watching my cuff links now. Oh, say, Phil. Hi, it's Don Silver. Phil, I don't recognize any of the musicians you have here. This isn't your regular band, is it? No, no, Don. You see, I left my boys in Los Angeles. These are some of the musicians I picked up. They sound pretty good, Phil. Well, they ought to. I got the brass section from Guy Lombardo, the rhythm section from Jimmy Dorsey and the harpist sitting up there. I got her from Phil Spitalny. Spitalny? Well, that certainly should add a lot of, wait a minute, Phil. There's no harpist here. What? Well, what are you? All right, fellas. Where is she? Where is she? Phil, don't yell so loud. People will think that... Hello, fellas. Hi, Jack. Hello, Mary. Hello. Well, did you hear that applause, Mary? Everybody's glad to see you. Oh, yes, Jack. It makes me feel just wonderful. Say, Mary, I haven't seen you since you got in town. You've been having fun? Oh, yes, Don. I've been to a lot of shows. Lost in the Stars, The Enchanted, The Happy Time, and I went to some nightclubs too. Oh, which ones, Mary? Well, I went to Leon and Eddie's, this dark club, the Versailles, El Morocco, and last night, Jack took me to Cronkite Rendezvous. Yeah. The Cronkite Rendezvous, I never heard of it. Well, that's understandable, Don. You see, the Cronkite Rendezvous is not right in the center of Manhattan. See, this club is a little downtown. A little downtown? It's under the Brooklyn Bridge. Mary. On the Brooklyn side yet. Oh, brother, what a joint. What do you mean joint? It's the only nightclub I ever saw where you enter through a turnstile. All right, all right. Jack, I can't figure you out. You come to New York once a year and you go to the crummiest club, stay at the worst hotels. Wait a minute, Mary, just one minute. I won't argue about the Cronkite Rendezvous anymore, but I resent your insinuation that the Acme Plaza is not a good hotel. Oh, Jack, how can you stay at a hotel that caters to such awful people? Awful? What's wrong with the people at the Acme Plaza? The water shortage was on for six weeks before anybody there found out about it. Look, Mary, it just so happens that I like to... Now, who can that be? Come in. Jack, look, it's Mel Blank. Oh, yes, the poor man's Al Jolson. Okay, Mel, you can go now. Go? Yes, you came in, you did your bitch, you got your laugh, now go. But back in Hollywood, you said if I came to New York, you'd give me a big part in your program. I'm sorry, we haven't got time for it now. But I saw my furniture and hucked my watch to raise the money to come here. Mel, look... I bought a train ticket, I said goodbye to my wife and kids, traveled 3,000 miles and for what? Just to say... Mel, you're better go. I won't go. Back in California, all my friends are sitting by the radio waiting to hear me on your program and all I get to say is, nah, I won't go to here, I won't, I won't, I won't. But Mel, I don't need an imitation of Jolson. Mel, you can't do this to me. Not after all I've done for you. I even went to the trouble to get your due bill at the Cronkite Cron to move. Mel, go already. Just a second, Jack. Huh? Did you have the nerve to get a due bill to that awful nightclub? Mary, believe me, there's nothing wrong with that club. The atmosphere is nice and the food there is wholesome. I said wholesome! I don't know why it is. I come to New York only once a year. I try to do a classy show. Look what happens. Well, Jack, if you're trying to do such a classy show, why are you wearing that old gray suit that isn't even pressed? I'll tell you why because I haven't seen my new brown suit or Rochester since I got off the train. Jack, you mean Rochester is wearing your brown suit? Don, all I know is that Rochester and my brown suit disappeared at the same time and I haven't seen either one since we got off the train. I'm so mad. Hello, Mr. Benny. Huh? Oh, hello, Dennis. I'm so mad that for two pins... I'd like to talk to you, Mr. Benny. Later, kid. I'm so mad that for two pins... Oh, Jack, calm down. I won't calm down. I'll bring Rochester all the way to New York to take care of my personal thing so I can be free to do a show and look what happens. Can I talk to you now, Mr. Benny? I have to unpack my clothes, iron my own shirts, shine my own shoes. On top of that, my new brown suit is missing. Can I talk to you now, Mr. Benny? All right, all right. What is it, Dennis? I want a raise. Well, that does it. Dennis, why did you wait until we got to New York to ask me for a raise? Because last night I took a walk in the park and there's ice on the statue of Nathan Hale. There's ice on the statue of Nathan Hale? What's that got to do with it? My mother said you give me a raise when Hale freezes over. Dennis, why don't you stop with that silly stuff? Dennis, stop with that silly stuff and do your song. Okay, but how about my raise? Forget the raise. You're making plenty of money with your two shows and your personal appearance. Dennis, are you making your personal appearance? Yeah, Mr. Benny, book me into the Cronkite rendezvous. The Cronkite rendezvous? That's funny. I saw the floor show last night, Dennis, but I didn't see you. Oh, I was stuck in the turnstile. Look, Dennis, just sing your song, will you? Yes, sir. Meanwhile, I'm going out in the hall and get a glass of water. I'm thirsty, too. I'll go with you. Come on. So long. They read the good. There's a spirit in the air that you can't find anywhere. Folks are cheerful cause they're always every holiday. We'll be sure to be parading. Gee, I was thirsty. Me too. We better get back. Dennis just finished his song. You go in, Mary. I want to get a package of cigarettes. There's a machine over there. Yeah. Gee, what a, what a fancy cigarette machine. Hey, bud, bud. Huh? Cameraman. Me? Yeah. What are you doing? I'm getting a package of cigarettes. What kind? Lucky strike. Smart boy. Huh? You're putting your dough on a favorite. And look at the odds. The odds? With men who know tobacco best, it's luckiest two to one. I know, I know. And another thing. What? Cameraman. According to the smoking form, luckiest have been picked by expites. Yes, yes, I know. And look at the breeding. The breeding? It's by American tobacco on a goldsboro, not Carolina. Well, thanks, thanks very much. You going to get a pack of luckiest? Am I going to get a pack of luckiest? Yeah. Come here a minute. I'm going to get two packs. Two? I'm trying for the daily double. Smart boy. See you later. Well, I got my luckiest. I better get back on the stage. Oh, Jack, Dennis finished his song a couple of minutes ago. We've been waiting for you. Oh, fella, stop me in the hall. What songs you do, Dennis? Well, the one I recorded for RCA Victor, Dear Hearts and Gentle People. Oh, that's swell. Yeah, I heard Dinah Shore sing it in the Wedgwood Room, and boy, she wonderful. You're right, Dennis. Dinah Shore is a very talented singer. Well, if you like her so much, what do you want me for? Dennis. You always tell me how good everybody else is. But you started the whole thing. You were the one who said Dinah Shore was so wonderful. I know your type. Look, kid. On the way home, you'll throw me off at Kansas City. Oh, shut up. Jack says she's wonderful. Mary, in all your life, did you ever see such a silly kid? Well, Jack, you know how he is. Remember what happened when we were here three years ago? What was that? You told him to get tickets to Oklahoma, and a week later, he called us from Tulsa. Anyway, I don't know why I let him bother me when I got other things to worry about, like Rochester, for instance. I can't understand why he wouldn't... Hey, wait a minute. I just thought of something. I got a phone number here that he... I'll bet I'll find him there. Here it is. Mary, hand me the phone. Here you are. Thanks. Now, Jack, don't get too mad at him. Leave it to me, Mary. I bet you'll find Rochester here. Hello? Hello? Hello? This is the Harlem Social Benevolence Fairviews Every Thursday Club. I'm looking for Rochester. Is he there? Come again? I'm looking for Rochester Van Jones. He works for me. Are you Mr. Benny? Yes. Uh-oh. What do you mean, uh-oh? Is Rochester there or not? Well, this place was on his itinerary, but as soon as he won, he left. He won? Yeah. But next time, we won't be so sympathetic. What do you mean, sympathetic? When Rochester came through the door on one knee, we thought he was height. So, the benevolent members of our club, Neldinacy, what was the matter? Uh-huh. And before we could diagnose the case, we were in a game of Harlem canasta. Wait a minute. Look, you've got your games mixed up. Canastas played with cards. Mr. Benny, when you're trying to make seventh, the equipment you use is irrelevant in material and has no bearing on the point. I guess so. Anyway, do you know where Rochester could be now? You might try Monument 21099. That's his girlfriend. Thank you. Would you have any luck, Jack? No, but the man gave me another number. I'll try this one. I'll find Rochester if I have to call every place in Harlem. Amy Brown, the sweetest gal in town talking. Uh, this is Jack Benny. Oh, oh. Look, I'm trying to get in touch with Rochester. Is he there? He was here. Oh. Well, do you think he'll come back? In all modesty. I can guarantee that. Well, when he returns, will you please tell him to call my hotel? And you can also tell him I'm stopping his salary. Oh, that ain't gonna bother him. He now owns the building that houses the Harlem social benevolent and sparrows every Thursday club. Oh, yes, I heard about that. He wins from everybody, doesn't he? Yeah. When I opened the door and he came in on one knee, I thought it was a proposal. Oh. Well, where do you think I can reach him now? Well, he left a number here, Lehigh 41598. Lehigh 41598. Is that another girl? If it is, I'm gonna cut your brown suit to ribbons. Well, oh, don't do that. And thanks for giving me the number. Goodbye. Goodbye. Lehigh 41598. Oh, Jack, we've got to get on with the program. In a minute, Don. Well, at least I'm making some progress. I'll catch up with Rochester yet. Hello, Linux Avenue. Come as you are, cocktail bar. Now look, Mr. David Copperfield speaking. Well, look, David, I'm trying to get in touch with Rochester Van Jones. Uh-oh. This is Jack Benny. You heard me, uh-oh, didn't you? Well, what about Rochester? Is he there? No, he just left. Oh, then he can't be very far. Well, I don't know. It's amazing how he gets around on one knee. Oh, he won from you too, huh? Yeah, and please make this short. I'm cool standing here without my pants. Well, I'm not interested in that. When Rochester left, did he leave a number? No, sir. He made every one of them. Well, never mind. Thank you. Goodbye. You can't find him, eh, Jack? No. And David Copperfield didn't know where he was either. Never mind. You wouldn't believe it, Mary. I don't know where else. I'll get it. Hello? Hello, boss. Where have you been all week? Where have I been? Rochester, I haven't seen you since we arrived in town, and I called every hot spot in Harlem that has a telephone. That's the hot ones you can't hear ring. I don't doubt that. Now look, you knew there was a lot of unpacking to do. My clothes had to be pressed. Now, when you got off the train, where did you go? Boss, when I left the railroad station, I went right to the door of your hotel, ready to work. And just as I was about to enter a black cat crossed my path, and you know how superstitious I am? I know, I know, but Rochester, couldn't you walk around the cat? I did and wound up at 125th Street. Oh, I see. Well, Rochester, I want to ask you something. Yes, boss. You know this is February, don't you? And you know that February is the month of George Washington's birthday. And George Washington is the symbol of truth. Now, Rochester, with that in mind, I want you to answer this question. Did you or did you not wear my brown suit? Rochester, answer me. Did you or did you not wear my brown suit? Boss, would you mind rephrasing that question to give George a little more leeway? I'm not rephrasing anything, and I haven't time to argue with you. Where are you right now? Just a minute. What's this address here, sugar? 31 Lenox Avenue, honey. 31 Lenox Avenue, honey. Rochester, who are you talking to? Is that Mamie Brown, the sweetest gal in town? No, this is Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. Well, Rochester, I don't care who you're with. I want you to get over to my hotel immediately. There's a lot of work to do, and I want it done right away. Yes, sir. Just a minute, boss. Say sugar, I gotta go now. Okay, Rochester, but don't forget, you're taking me to the Savoy Ballroom tomorrow night. Oh, I can't do that, sugar. I'm taking Mamie Brown. You ain't going to the Savoy Ballroom with nobody but me, Rochester. Oh, yes, I am. Rochester, if I catch any other girl there with you, she ain't gonna have an enchanted evening. What? She's gonna meet a stranger across a crowded room. And once I've found her, I'll never let her go. Rochester, what's going on there? She's auditioning for a part in Salva Center. Well, you listen to me and get right over to my hotel. Goodbye. Goodbye. I don't know why it is coming to New York. Ladies and gentlemen, as we mentioned at the start of the program, we are here for the opening of the 1950 Heart Campaign. And so at this time, I would like to introduce Dr. H. M. Marvin, president of the American Heart Association, Dr. Marvin. Jack, I want to thank you and your entire cast on behalf of the American Heart Association for coming to New York to open the 1950 Heart Campaign. Heart disease is our greatest challenge because it takes more lives than any other illness and causes tremendous disability. In radio, you have a sponsor to back your show. The American Heart Association, however, must count on the American public to back its program. The need is very great, and in order to meet it, we have set a goal of $6 million to be used for research, for education, and for community service. The dollars contributed by the tremendous audience now listening to this broadcast could assure the success of this campaign. We are confident that the public will give its support wholeheartedly. With your permission, Jack, I'd like to suggest that the listeners to this program be asked to send their contributions directly to you, Jack Benny at Box 500, New York City. Thank you, Dr. Jack will be back in just a minute, but first, let your own taste and throat be the judge. For smoothness and mildness, there's never a rough puff in a lucky strike, and that's because LSMFT, LSMFT, lucky strike means fine tobacco, fine, light, naturally mild tobacco. Listen to the words of a tobacco expert, Mr. Charles Thomas Randolph, an independent tobacco buyer from Kinston, North Carolina. Recently, he said, I've been learning about tobacco for 31 years, and during that time, I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike by fine quality tobacco, the kind of tobacco that's bound to make a real good smoke. I've smoked Lucky's myself for 23 years. Millions of smokers, including the famous movie and television star Robert Montgomery, take a tip from the tobacco experts and smoke Lucky Strike. Just recently, the popular Robert Montgomery said, luckies are really smooth. That's why I smoke them regularly. Yes, every regular Lucky Strike smoker knows there's always smoothness and mildness in every puff. So for your own real deep down smoking enjoyment, light up a Lucky. Let your own taste and throat be the judge. There's never a rough puff in a Lucky Strike. Get a carton today. Ladies and gentlemen, next week we will be broadcasting again from New York City and don't forget, in the meantime, send your heart-funded donations to Jack Benny, Box 500, New York City. And don't worry, folks. I don't get any of the money. They just promised to let me count it. Good night, everybody. Ladies and gentlemen, don't forget, send your heart-funded donations to Jack Benny, Box 500, New York City. Here's Dennis Day in a day in the life of Dennis Day. Stay tuned for the Amazon Andy Show, which follows immediately.