 Hello everyone, welcome or welcome back to another Psych2Go video. We've all experienced friendship in some way. They can change or grow apart with time, and that's all normal. People take different paths in life that don't always mesh well. Some friendships don't really feel like growing apart, but rather they feel more like breakups. Have you been there? You know, where things work great one moment and the next you're being ghosted and you have no idea what happened. Well, here's the hard truth we never like to admit. Sometimes we make mistakes and don't atone for them. Sometimes we don't even know we made the mistake. But it still happened, and no matter how solid that friendship is, there are just some things that can't be hand-waved so easily. Are you curious as to what these things could be? Are you looking at yourself and pondering, is there anything I can do? Here are 10 possible factors that could sabotage friendships for your consideration. 1. Lack of communication. It happens. A friend will do or say something that's hurtful. When you're faced with this or treated poorly, how do you tell them? It's a bit uncomfortable, isn't it? No worries, you're not a chicken, it's a bit scary for many people. Usually the problem is ignored, which is fine if it's infrequent, but if the behavior is continuous and frequent, build-up happens, like putting just one more plate in the sink. It's no big deal until the stack topples over. A repeated wrongdoing can very well mean your friend is unaware that their actions are having an effect on you. And if they're a good friend, it's likely they won't want to keep doing you wrong. Acknowledgement and talking things over might feel uncomfortable, but communicating like this shows trust and respect, both of which makes for a better relationship all around. 2. Lack of appreciation. If we take a breather and think, what would my life be like without my friends? How would it change? We can feel their importance in our lives and how much they help us to be who we are. Once last time you shared or received that sentiment. When they do a favor for you, or vice versa, is the response a quick, yeah thanks? Or a true show of gratitude, letting them know how a potential problem was averted? All relationships need a certain level of appreciation and a fair balance of give and take to survive. An imbalance can cause the whole skill to collapse because one side feels taken advantage of. 3. Jealousy with rivalry. Are your friends awesome? Of course they are. You've picked great ones who are talented, funny, or maybe they're incredibly smart. This amazingness is part of the reason you were drawn to befriend them. As such incredible people, it's natural to have a touch of envy. Unfortunately, when that envy turns into full blown bitter jealousy, you end up competing, trying to outdo them, and even refusing to support their success. This is the end to this is of being a friend. Let us give you a gift and let you in on something. They're friends with an awesome person they might envy too. You. The saying show me who your friends are, and I'll show you who you are, it means exactly this. You're both amazing to each other, and your friendship is something the little jealousy creep shouldn't be allowed to wreck. 4. Betrayals and dishonesty. The closest to us hurt us the most. I know you've heard this, and I'm sure you can imagine why. We care about these people. We've opened up our vulnerable insides and trusted them with our guard down. So to have that kind of trust betrayed is like being attacked in the most sensitive and fragile spot. The scar left may never go away, serving as a constant and permanent reminder of what happened the last time you allowed this person in. Communication ties into this. The constant pretending nothing is wrong is like a long ongoing lie, and eventually everyone gets caught in the eruption when things build up. 5. Refusing to forgive and holding a grudge. Apologizing is hard. It means admitting you're wrong and taking responsibility, so if your friend apologizes for hurting you or doing something wrong, they just might deserve your forgiveness. The alternative is holding a grudge. Just as virtually anything can be broken with enough time and pressure, wielding your friend's mistake like a bludgeon, time and time again, will likely destroy any friendship present. Regiveness won't mean immediate reversal of the hurt, and there will be ups and downs. However, the concerted effort of both sides to move forward helps strengthen the friendship. 6. Not spending enough time together. We get it. We've got busy lives. We need to eat, pay rent, see our family, and oh my goodness, did your teacher seriously give you that last minute assignment? Life happens. At times, hanging with your buds just takes a back seat to the rest of, well, everything. That bond, though, is a precious thing, and it's like a muscle. If you don't use it and take care of it, it atrophies and withers away. Use your friends or that break and breath of fresh air needed to keep you healthy, so this bond-tending benefits everyone. 7. Spending too much time together. Now here's the other side of the scale. This is going overboard, where so much time is spent with that muscle that it's strained and causing an imbalance. To find out, ask yourself, honestly, what do you normally do with your time? Do you have any relationships, interests, or hobbies of your own? If you start compromising your entire sense of self by constantly being your friend, they might feel a little smothered, too. This kind of clinginess also can change you into someone that your friend did not become friends with in the first place. They like you because you're you, not because you're them. 8. Possessiveness. No person is an object, and no person belongs to another person as such. Do you agree? Since that's how we are, why would we think that our friend's time and attention belongs only to us? We respect them and we like them for the same reason their other friends like them. Being possessive and treating this person as our possession does nothing to build a friendship, and actually implies to the other person that you wish to clip their wings and hold them back. The response is to run for it while they can. 9. Selfishness and being self-centered. You spend most of your time together talking about you and what's going on in your life. Are you constantly asking them to be there for you but don't make the effort to do the same for them? Focusing too much on yourself and not enough on your friends can easily ruin your friendships. Friendship involves more than one person, right? Being friends with someone means it's a multi-way street. There's give and take. We like validation, having someone to respond to questions we have, to discuss things with. And so do they. 10. Arguing too much. Hurt and disagreement is something that enters all relationships at some time or another. However, when it gets to the frequency where you honestly aren't ever enjoying time together, it makes both sides question why they're even friends. And if it gets too heated, hurtful, and humiliating things are said. This leads to irreparable damage and long-lasting trauma for both sides. You're able to save yourselves that kind of hurt with a little figuring out and discussion. Do you relate with any of the things we've mentioned here? Have you struggled staying friends with people because of them? If you've observed any of these behaviors, we're glad that we may have helped your awareness. We hope that this newfound information can be useful to maintain, repair, or improve any friendships they may apply to. Acknowledgement and effort makes for stronger, better friendships. We know you have the strength and wisdom for it. Please comment, like, and share this video. Catch us in the next one.