 Alright guys, welcome back to the 21 convention back from lunch. Your next speaker up is Nick Sparks He is a four-time. This is his fourth time Returning speaker to the 21 convention. I first met him back in 2009 and I was blown away by speech one of the best that year and Never your sense. Of course, of course He is a head coach for the social man one of the world leaders in dating and social skills development for men and And the title of the speech today is how to hold conversation like a man Without further ado, welcome Nick Sparks back to the space stage Fourth time being up on the 21 convention stage I feel first of all, I just want to say I feel very fortunate to be up here So thank you for having me again as it is awesome. This is always the best. I always look forward to this event I also feel very nervous. I don't know if I'm giving off signs of that too much, but I've been doing this a lot now in the past three four years, but it never gets any easy for me whenever I stand up here I'm still trying to hold back myself from shaking, but I will do my best so The title of my speech today is how to hold conversation like a man That's a pretty it's not the most simple concept in the world to really define to really explain But I'll do my best and I found through trying to explain this concept that one of the best ways that I can do it It's to start off with a story that I think really highlights What it means to hold conversation like a man what it means to be a man take a masculine role in the conversation with a woman now Three years ago now my first time standing on the 21 convention stage. I opened up with a story and About me and a girl which I thought was gonna hope illustrate some points and teach some things and some of the feedback I got after that speech was along the lines of oh man This asshole is just bragging about some girls like he sounds like a douche bag this and that and looking back It might have been a little braggy. It might have been a little douchees. I admit that so I it's probably against my my best like Self-interest to start with a story, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway And hopefully I can try to keep the douche level as low as possible with I'll do my best Thank you. So Let's see this story starts out several years ago I was in Amsterdam on vacation great place to go visit if you've never been and I was staying in the hostel. I Highly recommend staying in a hostel if you're ever traveling alone. It's the best way to meet people You're always gonna have other people traveling alone all over the world really interesting cats great way to go out find people To go out and do things with highly recommend staying in hostel. So It was in this one particular hostel that I had met this lovely Romanian girl very sweet spoke good enough English and Met her and it was you know, we were getting to know one another we were all sitting around in a group I was staying in a 15-person dorm room, which is about as big of a dorm room I've ever stayed in a hostel and we were sitting around in a circle me and a bunch of our other roommates It was getting closer to the evening and we're all just kind of sitting around getting to know each other You know BSing having some beers having a good time laughing and the sweet Romanian girl She was just sitting right next to me and as we were talking I was looking we were flirting a little bit She started leaning closer to me She started like you know nuzzling up a little bit smiling looking at me and I thought this is a great start to a vacation This is a fan. This is perfect. I could not have planned this vacation any better. Welcome to Amsterdam, right? But of course as fate would have it as luck would have it It's never that simple because as we're all sitting around all of a sudden I hear some yelling We look out the window down to the courtyard the thing is Just to make this clear We're on the second floor the window overlooked this courtyard and directly across the courtyard was the all mail dorm I was in a co-ed. This was the all mail dorm And sure enough coming through the courtyard. There are these three Norwegian guys yelling and screaming You know beating their chest super like alpha and of course all the girls in the room go scurrying over to the window Hey, like what's going on? They want to like you know go check out the action. That's happening down You know down in the courtyard, and they you know the guys are yelling open I'm making this big scene though the ringleader of the guys You know the loudest one the most to the one that's talking the most he he pulls himself up He grabs the window ledge pulls himself up to it like you know carries in the girls like oh my god Oh my god like helping to pull him in like taking care of him He stands up his friends come up, and he's just in the middle of the circle He's holding court telling all these stories like making all these jokes. Everybody's like the focus is all on him And I see my sweet Romanian girl starting to drift towards him as well Starting to lean forward starting to look at him more in the eyes starting smiling looking at him And I just think to myself son of a bitch son of There goes my beautiful perfect vacation son of a bitch. I was not happy at all. I was not happy at all and so it's at this point that I found myself at a crossroads there are several different directions I could go and There are several different directions. I wanted to go there were several different directions. I was dying to go My first impulse the first reaction that I had the first thing that I wanted to do I Think it's really common. I've certainly had it before and I'm sure I'm not the only one In fact, I would say we've all experienced this first impulse and that first impulse Was to just feel sorry for myself get pissed Like kind of shut my mouth kind of slink back in think oh, you know screw this guy Like he's such a douchebag like he's like if she wants to be with a guy like that fine go she can have him I didn't really like her that much anyway. I'm just this guy sucks. These people are lame. I didn't even like him I wasn't having a good time screw them Right hold myself back feel sorry for myself make excuses This is my first impulse and thank God I started to do it I started to shrink back when he first came in that was my first impulse. I started to do it Thank God. I didn't let that happen for too long because what would have happened? I've done it before we've all been there before I would have said screw these people Gone out to the bar by myself, right? I'll find some chick myself. I don't need them I would have been such a bad move that I would have turned off anybody that got close to me I would have ended up just getting hammered Stumbling home passing out listen to them banging in the bed next to me or something like that and just think it Was the worst decision ever Luckily I didn't go down that path luckily My second impulse the second Action that I was desperate to take and this one was hard for me to fight because this is my standard MO Like whenever I'm screwing up in a conversation with a woman or in general like this is my biggest problem Right and that second impulse for me what I that second thing like I'll know what I'll do Here's what I'll do. I'll show this guy was to say like I'm ten times as entertaining. I'm ten times as charming. I'm ten times as funny I can hold court a million times better than this guy Does he realize who the F. He's dealing with right now Nick Sparks like Right this was my next impulse my ego my ego what I can be funnier. I can be better Me me me me me me. Let me show everybody how hilarious. I am how much better I am than this guy So that was my second impulse to start like getting up there and trying to outdo him Try to charge up one up his jokes to one up his stories to try to be the bigger bigger center of attention than he was Thank God I didn't go down that path either though. I know where that would have gone. I've been there before I've done it before