 This is part three of lecture 10. So by now, we've established just how important relationships are and that from the moment we are born, we are looking for others to connect to. So from this part on, we're going to start focusing on romantic relationships exclusively. So up to this point, it was more generally on the importance of relationships also with your parents. From this point on, we're going to talk about love and attraction specifically. And we're going to do so first by talking about the way we find love nowadays. And this part is called digital dating and that is because we are now digitally dating and online dating and dating apps really changed everything when it comes to dating. So in the book, there's quite some information on digital dating. For example, that profiles are not always honest and that this can be a pitfall when you're looking for a romantic partner. Yes, that's all true, but I think something is really missing in the book. And that is very recent insights on to the dynamics of online dating. And it's basically my own research. So I am very happy to now show you a lecture that I recorded for the University of Nederland, University of the Netherlands. It is in Dutch, but there's English subtitles. And I will explain everything about my own research on to online dating. Swipe if you want on Tinder or maybe the other online dating apps like Bumble or Happen. I'll tell you if you're going to find the truth. How Saboteers love Tinder. This is the University of the Netherlands. We have more possibilities than ever when it comes to finding our true love. And that was easy to see evolutionarily. We can always look for an ideal partner. Because with those hundreds of profiles, there must be a perfect match between them. The more couples who have found their love through online dating apps, there will be enough people who will find dating frustrating and annoying in this way. And I can imagine everything. I do research on online dating. And in this lecture, I will tell you whether this is a lie or a blessing for finding a partner. Before I explain the science of online dating, I will explain briefly how these dating apps work. Because they only exist for ten years. People who are in a long relationship will probably have no experience with it. Take Tinder now. To start, you make a profile. Place some nice photos and put your life motto below. Then you start looking for a partner. You get to see a profile and you can swipe to the right if you like it, or to the left if you don't see that person. Very simple, just from home. And so you go through all your partner options and those are hundreds. And if you swipe to the right and that person does that to your profile, then you have a match. Fantastic, right? The possible partners are there for the operation. And that success, it seems. In 2021, there were only 57 million people on Tinder. And there were about 30 billion matches. And then I have it now about Tinder. But after that, there are still a lot of other swipe apps like Happen, Inner Circle or Bumble. We also see that the way people meet each other has changed radically. Let's take a look at this graph. Here you see how heterosexual couples meet each other in the last 80 years. The most useful way to come across each other was for a long time through friends or in a bar or restaurant. But the last 10 years online data has been added. And that name is really gigantic. Of course, it started earlier with dating websites such as e-matching but the arrival of swipe apps around 2012 really made a huge increase. And if you see that line, you will be able to talk about a huge revolution in the dating circuit. Almost half of the couples have to meet each other online. In short, online data is a big success. But don't forget, because this graph only shows the people who have finally found a partner. The free cells don't fit. And the number of people without a relationship is drastically increasing. There are more free cells than ever before. The number of divorces is increasing, but also the number of young people without a relationship is increasing. The question is, is that bad? Some people will say no. They think, I'm independent, I don't need anyone. Or, long live the LOL, I did it right away. You can also see something positive about the dates and divorces. Many people don't have to stay in an unhappy relationship anymore because this is what they expect, or because a divorce is not possible financially. But it's not just good news that there are so many free cells. Because out of numbers it turns out that most people do want a relationship. Especially young people. How did these singles not succeed in finding a relationship while the choice is ruse on the apps? Well, at first glance, that choice indeed looks fantastic. Evolutionarily, we have programmed them to combine different options. But if you're in the group, it's better to have 10 free cells in place of 2. Because the more choice, the bigger the chance that you meet someone with whom it clicks, and who fits you really well. The bigger the choice, it also pulls us towards the online dating apps. And at first glance, it looks like a kind of Hala. But then we get to the point, and it often doesn't work to find a partner. What do you have in your hand? This has to do with the consequences of choice overload. Or rather, an overdose of choices. There is a lot of research done. Not exactly with relationships and models, but with a pot of jam. Quite comparable, isn't it? Imagine, you're going to a supermarket for jam, and you can choose from at least 20 different pots. At first people think, oh, that's fantastic, all those flavors. But after 4 pots, it's actually getting difficult to choose. And what do you do? We see in the research that there are two things happening. First of all, people are paralyzed. And they don't choose at all. The choice is made by the lamp, and they decide to choose. And second, lower the peace if you finally choose when you are less satisfied with your final choice. Even if you have seen objectively exactly the jam you came for, the science that there were many other choices that you haven't tried, makes you doubt. Wasn't there a better choice? As well as the phenomenon of freezing, as lower the peace comes by one corresponding factor. Our expectations go up. With all those choices, you expect the final product to be better. And if it's about an overdose of choices, you get complete unrealistic expectations about the final product. While we find a lot of choices in the first instance, it has negative psychological consequences for us. And this is what we call the choice paradox. Well, all of them are nice and nice. But I wanted to know whether the choice paradox also plays a role in online dates. That's why I made an online dating platform myself. Just like with Tinder, participants from my research received, all of them free of charge, potential partners that they could accept or refuse. And what did I see? How long the participants were busy and how many profiles they had received before. How big the chance was that they would refuse. And this is also what happens on Tinder. While you are on the app to find possible partners, you get into a state of continuous rejection. I took the Rejection Mindset. And that comes with the freezing effect of that portrait. You just keep swiping and you don't choose anymore. The effect you see from the moment that people start swiping. And the chance on a match is also the biggest at the first profile you see when you open the app. After that, the Rejection Mindset is put in and the chance on a match is getting lower, especially for women. But how does this come about exactly? To look at these researches, I looked at what is psychological with the participants involved in my research. And what I found looked very bad at what we saw at that portrait. People became less and less satisfied with the profiles they received. And they even became pessimistic about a chance to find the love at all. And these psychological processes explained why they had less interest in the profiles. So when you swiping, how long you are looking for, how less chance you have to find. And how brotherly you feel. So it's logical that more and more free-spirited couples fight with Tinder Burnouts and stay much longer free-spirited than their love. Well, maybe you're thinking get out of those dating apps. It doesn't seem like it. We see that people in real life don't just step on someone anymore. People are like the death they've been given and it seems a lot safer to put on your screen the first step. So the future is really online. Then the question can be different, simpler. There are solutions. First of all, you could let yourself out on television. But more realistically, put yourself on a Tinder diet. Take your profile profile. Very specifically, open Tinder, check five profiles and close the app again. And when you swipe, you're also on the corner for the reference mode. Try to look a little longer at a profile instead of the few seconds that people spoke normally about it. And focus on things that you are talking about. A place to immediately look for red flags or reasons to swipe online. So think, what a nice smile. A place of oh my god, a Christmas tree, that really can't be. In short, be more open minded. And don't stand blind to what the most sensible partner choices should be. We know from research that for the listed lists that we make ourselves with ideas for a future partner, that they don't completely come together with the partner that you eventually come with. And that brings me to my last point. Maybe there is another option to make online data easier. And that is to better listen to how our body reacts when we see a potential partner. Our body can give us a lot of important information. And in that way, we are no longer dependent on our thoughts and doubts. In a new research, I looked at changes in pupil size during online data. Your pupil size is a good predictor whether you are interested in anyone. As soon as someone draws attention or is interested in you, your pupils are automatically wider. You have no control over that. We measure the pupil size during swiping. And what appears to be a deviation from the pupil is a good predictor of romantic interest. So it works. How beautiful would it be if you only had to stand when the next time you opened the Tinder and the camera on your phone determined your pupil size with whom you do get no match without having any conscious action. But note that it is not a water-closed system. If someone triggers you, that can happen because you don't find them suspicious and attractive. But it can also be if someone recognizes that my neighbour is also on Tinder, Awkward or maybe someone looks like an ex. The combination of pupil size with consistent conscious choices would actually be ideal. Maybe an app in the future based on your pupil size can make a pre-selection of profiles where you can look for a partner without making a mistake in a pre-selection. Thanks for watching.