 It's a wild insects thing. I'm just thinking of, like, the only thing that I can think of is, like, praying mantises, you know, like, they may, and then the man, the man gets his head, head beat, like, bit and off. Like, that's just what my brain's defaulting to. Oh, Lee Jesus. I'm not really. I don't mask. I don't mask in a dating context either. I'm just myself. Some people like it. Some people don't. That's cool. I'm not going to like put on a mask of normalcy because that stops the weird people, the quirky people from being like, hey, he's like me. You know, it removes that possibility. And that's what I want too. I like strange people. They bring me happiness and joy. Are you an autistic person? Are you struggling with dating and relationships? And perhaps you might have thought to yourself, you know, screw this. I'm just going to stay single. And a lot of people have this idea, this perspective. Today, I do want to challenge that perspective somewhat. And we do have a video for you today by Jordan Owen, another autistic person on the platform, telling us about why autistic men should stay single. Is this the right way to look at it? Is this what you should be doing yourself? Let us have a look. Let's react to it together. And it'd be a nice, happy, happy community getting together and watching some interesting takes. This will be, hopefully, the final iteration of this video that I do. I've done a couple of ones that I started to upload and took down just because I haven't been satisfied with them. And it's something where I want to try to talk a little bit analytically without letting the emotion of it get too close to me. And what I came across was a video by a user called Aaron's Journal. I'll assume that the poster's name is Aaron. And it's a personal journal from a 44, almost 45-year-old man who is autistic, high-functioning autistic. And he's had some sex along the way. He's had some dates along the way. He's had some short day or two kind of flings along the way. But he's never really had a relationship. When I heard him, I'll put the OP video in the link below. But when I heard his video, my heart really went out to him because I'm a little further along the road than he is. But I'm in much the same headspace that he is. See, the thing is, like him, I am a high-functioning autistic. Like him, I am involved in music. Like him, I am now in my 40s. I just turned 40 recently. And the difference is with him between me and him is that unlike him, I've been in relationships. I've been in enough relationships and indeed long-term relationships that I can speak about my experiences with some, I guess, multidimensional authority or multiple perspectives on having been in different relationships and that kind of thing. And I will tell you that as disheartening as it is, as an autistic person, you're very much more likely just not pursuing relationships. There is definitely a lot more difficult, I would say. It's probably right in that sense. I mean, I'm ignoring the part about the high-functioning autism because I do tend to jump on that quite a bit. But if this is how this guy wants to self-describe, self-identify, then that's fair. I'd be interested in what his takes are on that because I have seen videos like what he's talking about, where there are people who just haven't really had that kind of romantic experience. And it's really sad. It is really disheartening to hear the very difficult aspect of it. I'm interested in this band's thoughts, and me too. Throughout my life, I have tried to comprehend human beings and how human beings work. And like you, Erin, I have yearned for relationships and that sort of thing. But having experienced them, I've found that it's not something I want to particularly continue doing. And I've been getting the usual detractors saying that now I'm making in-cell videos. No, these are just cell videos. Look up what in-cell is involuntary celibate. You can't choose to be involuntarily celibate. Yes. And I'm not even choosing to be celibate. I just don't want to be in any relationships. Because I've had such horrible experiences in relationships that what people tell me is, well, when you meet the right person, it won't be like that. And the thing is, even if that's true, the process of finding the right person is so tedious and odious that I have no desire to keep trying to find the right person. I am done kissing frogs. I'm not going to kiss more frogs just to get to your frog. That sounded better before I said it out loud. But anyway, it's just what I'm hearing is a lot of an Erin has read messages from other autistic men and things like that. And by the way, Erin's also a nice-looking guy. I mean, he is a good-looking guy. He works out, hits the gym regularly. So he's not falling short in the looks department or anything like that. I know the typical, when you say autistic, the typical mental image is Rain Man plus 300 pounds. But no, he's actually a good-looking guy. Yeah, I think that definitely needs to change to some degree. Like, it's not an accurate depiction. It's very much a stereotype. But it is a stereotype that I've also seen. You know, kind of, particularly like usually to do with also like a combination of like gender expression and race as well. It seems to be stereotypes about that all interests that people have. And even like to a certain extent, a desire to not have a partner or have a friend and a friend group and stuff, which is silly. So he's not falling short in that area either. And, you know, Aaron, you talk about like, what am I not doing? What's wrong with me? Well, the thing is what I've come to understand is just there is there are these things that normal people are looking for in relationships, not just looking for. They expect to automatically be there like your tone. I noticed your tone of voice. You speak a little slower than I do. But your tone of voice is very much akin to how I talk. We talk with a very atypical rhythm, a very atypical phrasing of our rhythmic phrasing of our sentences and everything. It doesn't sound quite the same. I come off as like a slightly more charismatic version of Ben Stein and stuff like that. Yeah, I think that maybe to a certain extent, like the whole thing about like the commonotony and things of that nature. But yeah, maybe. I mean, obviously, we'll see what he says. But, you know, that's definitely not like. I wouldn't put that on the top of the list of things that people are looking for. Like not someone who speaks in a certain cadence. It's like, no. I don't think so, at least not with my experience. Like I've never had anyone talk about that before. We'll say that. Oh, I just wish that their voice was a bit different. Trying to, the thing is, the thing that made it maddening was trying to figure out, trying to understand other people, human beings and people have even suggested to me, well, Jordan, if you try dating other neurodivergent people, I have, doesn't help. And so it's. That is also something that I do here a lot as well. Whenever I make videos or posts, which are particularly about like autistic, neuro-alistic relationships, neuro-typicals, you know, I do get that comment a lot. Like just dating over autistic person. I have, I've dated. Primarily sort of neuro-typical individuals or people who are all this stick, I would say. It's never really been a factor. I think when it comes to sort of daily living, perhaps that person might be a bit more on my wavelength, like the amount of communication or interaction that they want. But it tends to be a lot to do their personality, their values, their interests. If those things align, then it's usually really good. If they don't, then it's not so good. It's definitely a factor to consider, but I wouldn't say that it's the end all and be all of finding a partner that suits you. It's a whole like assortative mating hypothesis. It's not like, I think to a certain degree, we might find each other and relate to each other a bit more. And perhaps there'll be more instances where we do get to a point where we are developing those feelings and through interaction. But I don't think that it's necessarily the case that that is the best thing to do. It's weird, you know, think about it this way. I'll give you an example of why I found relationships difficult now. If any of my exes are seeing this, I will say one thing to my ex from 2015 to 2016, the one that I lived with for nearly a year. You and I are cool, you're great. I'm glad you found somebody and you're living your best life. I wish you all the best. I love you and you're great. We did not work out, but you're great. Don't worry, this is not about you. I like to hear stuff like that. It makes me really happy. I'd say one of the biggest red flags that I've noticed in dating is if the person that you're dating is just constantly rattling on about negative things about people that they've been with. I don't like that particularly. You dated them. I mean, I think in some cases, if they were particularly negative towards you in a lot of different ways, then perhaps that is something to talk about. But it's just a nice day and stuff like that, you know? They're good looking, but their vocal pitch is not for me. People that are one love and accept others as they are, they want characters to fit into their story. I mean, I am particularly like I would say. You know, you do have to accept people as they are. I think one thing that people get wrong when it comes to dating is that you shouldn't change anything about yourself for a relationship. I'm very much in the category of like, if there are things that you can do to make the relationship better in a certain number of respects, you know, I think you should try if you feel comfortable and it's not like a core part of your identity. If it's like a core part of who you are, it's like someone telling me to like, stop having an interest in things and spending a lot of time researching and like doing stuff around that interest. That'd be like, no, I can't not do that. But you know, there is a certain aspect of like, you know, working on improving the relationship with your partner. Personally, I don't understand how to form a relationship with a person. I don't get that feeling of crushing on people so there's no ghost signal for me. I wish people were more direct. Yeah, I think that is somewhat to do with like, suffine you, I should, I would say. It is one thing that I have seen from, you know, interacting with like, dating prospects who are autistic or like in being in a relationship is that there is less of like an air of like, both parties sort of initiating dates, initiating interest, initiating whatever. And that's easy because it can take us a bit of a while to understand how we feel about things. A lot of the autistic people that I've talked to tend to have found their partner after being friends with them for a considerable amount of time. And I can't understand why that is the case. Actually, I can relate to the struggles of love interactions as a matter of fact, being newly identified as an old HD. I'll have to take my time before choosing to step into a relationship 100%. To my ex that broke up with me six months ago and called me last week out of the blue, wanting to resume our arguments. If you call me again, I will scream into the phone and hang up. Anyway, but the point being, one of the things I found out about relationships is that there are things, there are, no matter what we try to do, there are inevitable, no matter how enlightened and postmodern we all try to be, there are inevitably going to be these like biological defaults that we keep coming back to. And one of those biological defaults I found is that the man in a relationship is always expected to be a rock, a bastion of strength and basically Clint Eastwood. You're supposed to be this solid rock of humanity that is the foundational source of strength for the family and all of that sort of thing. I can't do that. I would say that, this is the whole thing of like, masculine kind of biological traits and things. I think that's what he's getting at. I do find that particularly if I'm dating someone who's like quite feminine in terms of like there, the whole societal kind of ideas of what femininity is, that they do like it when I have more of that kind of input in their life, but I have dated people who are not particularly so outwardly, sort of stereotypically feminine in that way and they didn't expect that and they didn't necessarily want that. So I think it depends on who it is. It's like, I think in general, if you are talking so broadly about a group of people that you're obviously going to be wrong because there are people out there who don't want that and who don't necessarily find that attractive to a certain degree and they do wanna take more of kind of an even kind of split in what both of you do within the relationship and they'd like you to be like that and you'd like them to be like that. It doesn't always have to be this kind of, this is the man's role, but some people do like that, and I wouldn't take that away from them, but not everybody, 100% not everybody. I have fears and worries and plagued by all kinds of problems that I have. And I can project an aura of someone who is in command and in control of situations and is the foundational rock of a situation so that like in my day job and that kind of thing, people can count on me, can rely on me and they can. And that's not a false front, but I can project that outwardly because I've gone to, when I found out that I was on the spectrum, I was in college and I started just going to tremendous lengths to try to learn everything I could about how to act normal. And I know it's politically incorrect to say act normal, but when you're on the spectrum, you know what normal is, it's tangible. And I just wanted to give it a bit of time to breathe because I wasn't sure if it was gonna sort of elaborate on it, but it makes me really sad to hear that he feels that he can't sort of be open and vulnerable in a relationship. There is this kind of feeling that a lot of people get and he's right, some people do react badly to that kind of vulnerability and openness and I've experienced that myself. But before you are a man or a woman, and before all, this is obviously assuming all of the societal kind of gender norms and things of that nature, but before all of that, you are a human and you are autistic. And I'm not necessarily talking to Jordan, but just in general, you know, humans feel bad. Humans feel like they can't surpass certain tasks and they need a bit of social interaction, a bit of validation, a bit of encouragement, a bit of support in order to move past certain things. That's not a bad thing. It might be a bad thing for some people, but those people don't tend to have a lot of, like they don't have the social maturity. They don't have the awareness to be like, okay, this is actually like pretty unreasonable to expect this from someone all the time. They can't always be this emotional rock. Sometimes they have difficulties. And a lot of people understand that and being in a relationship with people who do is definitely like a good thing to try and strive for. It makes me really sad seeing all this stuff and it's the same thing with the whole like, manasphere, kind of masculinity kind of stuff and never show your emotions, never do all of this. But if you're going after people who do want you to be that kind of rock stoic and not talk about your feelings, you don't want to be with those people. Like you have a long-term relationship. You want to be with someone who supports you and you can be open with and you can be honest with. That's what you want to strive for. I'm sorry, Jordan, you have experienced that and I have experienced that as well with some individuals, but they're just not right for you. And it's not reasonable for someone to expect that in a relationship, I would say. You know, everyone cries. I saw this amazing video. I think of this girl sort of recounting one of her like most memorable moments with her father, particularly, and this father was very kind of this idea of like the stoic kind of rock never sort of broke down emotionally, never struggled, anything like that. And one of the moments where she really started to connect with him and started to develop the relationship a bit more and seem as a human, was when something really bad happened and he started crying. And there is something to be said about like something goes wrong and you try and pick yourself back up and you try and watch forwards and you try. And nobody wants self-defeatedness and self-wallowing and misery to a certain extent. I tend to go after other guys so I've never experienced dating a woman. I understand that. I would be interesting to have someone in the podcast to talk about like, because I don't really, you know, obviously as a straight man, I don't really have much experience dating dudes. But I'd be interested to hear like what the dynamic differences are and in general, of course, because you know, everyone's different and all that, but I have opposite issue with this guy in society expects me to be softer and emotionally independent, but that's not who I am. Exactly. And like, if you don't necessarily have those qualities, you don't necessarily need to find someone who has all of those qualities. Like there's nothing wrong with having preferences and being a different person. I think a lot of people can go down this alley of thinking that everything is one way and every person on each side of the dating sides thinks a certain thing and are looking for the exact same thing and it's just not true. Feels vulnerable to be open and soft. He was being hurt and when being vulnerable to socially mature, people are reinforced, just believe 100% you've got it there. And then you see all this stuff on the internet telling you about like, as soon as you crack and soon as you break down or you get upset or like something bad happens and you're like down about it, they're gonna leave you and they're gonna see that you're not this rock of a person and like some people are like that, but you don't necessarily wanna be with, you know, it's not reasonable. It's not like, you know, for the majority of people we're not all emotionless rocks. So you can just take on board everything and not crack once in a while. And so I did everything I could to try to act normal. And I can do that. I can do it convincingly, but I can't maintain it. It's draining. I'm an introvert on top of everything else. It's deeply draining to me to try to constantly be projecting an aura of anything. And what I found when I was in relationships was that that aura of confidence and charisma and charm and everything that I had cultivated, I was expected to maintain 100% of the time. And that's not unfair that I was expected to maintain it because they had gone into the relationship of thinking that was me. Yes. But it wasn't. It was something I had cultivated so that I could function in the world and interact with people. And when I come home, I need quiet and introversion and just to sink deeply into myself and, you know, go watch the, actually I wanted to do a video commenting on this. Go watch the, if you have Apple Plus TV, there's this great peanut special. They just made called one of a kind Marcy. Go watch that. That's the Marcy that they portray and that is very much what I'm like on my own. Anyway, yes. And that's great. And I'm sure like a lot of people have, like I smiled at it. It's like, cool. It's like, yeah, tell me more about it. It sounds, I mean, like, of course I know, I'm glad that he understands, I guess a little bit more about that. I have touched on it quite a bit. Like the whole, the impact of like masking in terms of like dating and relationships, it can definitely like say, in the other person's eyes, you are effectively like presenting a different person to who you are. Like, you're not even giving yourself, I'm not saying to Jordan, but if you do find you do that, you're not really giving yourself or other people the chance to like be attracted or like enjoy or like spending time with the real you. And it's like a falsehood and eventually, as you said, it's gonna crack and people are gonna be like, well, you're different to how I expected. You know, obviously you can look at like trends and you can see what usually is attractive to people. And you can put that out there and like maybe you will have more short to medium sort of success rate when it comes to relationships. But you're not necessarily gonna find someone who really vibes with you and likes you if you always put that mask up first. But yes, that was Pinkie Pie. Anyway, so that kind of thing, like it's, you know, people will come to me, neurotypical people, women will come to me and say, oh, I understand that you need downtime. I get that, I understand. It's like, no, no, no, no. You don't get it. You can't imagine it because you're not capable of imagining what I'm describing. You're not ready to experience the vast soulless void that is Jordan Owen when he doesn't have to be out there impressing people. And then they see it and they can't deal with it. And the thing of it is, it's making me really sad because I'm like, I get that. No, I feel, I feel that, like, again, the likelihood that if you experience that, and that's how you like to live life, there's gonna be people out there who do feel the same. They're like, I don't wanna be hanging out and talking and stuff after a long day at work. You know, there's lots of introverts and people like that out there who would probably be, you know, pretty on your level. I dated a couple of people who were like that and it was fine. They knew that I had time that I needed to do and I didn't spend all of my time with them and I wanted to sort of engage with my hobbies and interests and such. And they're respectful and some people not. I feel that. It's like, you nearly got me there. Yeah, I was just crying with myself. Yeah, it does seem to be that way. It's really sad. Like, not as in a derogatory side. It's just, it makes me sad. I need to hear that. It's not like I'm masking around my boyfriend was so scary but so worth it. You can't maintain that mass forever. It's, but it's so scary knowing that someone could leave you for being yourself. I'm really glad that you had the courage to do that. And I'm happy that, you know, things have worked out for you in that sense, Jodyne. How young does masking start? Do you remember when you first did it? So to say that one trend that I've seen is that like particularly like the autistic female at birth assigned people, they do tend to mask a little bit earlier in life from what I've seen. I haven't really met many autistic men who have the same experience but when it comes to like late teens, early 20s, 100%, that's what that's when I started to, but that was a response to being out of school, not having that kind of social construct around me that those groups and people that I see every day, I actually had to go out and do it myself and eventually I found that that was quite hard. And so I looked and I was like, hey, how do I act more normal? How do I attract people? How do I make friends? So that was when I started masking a lot more. And it was kind of over time that I realized that, you know, this is not how I want to live. If it is now, as I say that, what's amazing is that in addition to what I try to understand about relationships, all of that is burdened by the standards of political correctness. For some, there are people out there who would say that, you know, who would say that that observation I made about how in relationships, men are expected to be bastions of strength and confidence for the family. There are people who would say that my simply saying that means that I mean, it indicates some kind of hatred for women or something like that. But if you say that, I mean... No, I mean, some people might say that. I know what kind of crowd you're talking about. But like, I think most people tend to in general, you know, the internet tends to amplify like the more extreme sides of everything. Whatever side you look at tends to, the most popular stuff tends to be the most extreme kind of more out there views and takes. Because that's what gets people talking. Most people do tend to have more of a moderate kind of view on things, some things they agree with, some things they don't. Some people are within those kind of echo chamber communities, but a lot of most people sort of out there in the world, people that I've talked to, they just tend to have a pretty moderate view and they deviate somewhat one side or the other. But no, it's definitely, does it be that you hate women? I think it's, you know, perhaps the idea is something that is talked about and particularly a lot within like the hemisphere and stuff. But that doesn't mean that it's like something that is not something that's like always tied to that. That it means you hate women, which is absolutely ridiculous to me, but that's the bizarre standard that we're living with. You know, it's funny. It's like, give me an example of how me talking in my normal sounding personae, how it comes off to other people. I was talking to, I was driving, this was years ago when I was driving Uber. I had this woman in my car, I was taking her from one nightclub to the other and we were talking about breakfast at Tiffany's. The, I had just gotten done reading the book. She had seen the movie. And so we were talking about how we go lightly as a character. And I said, you know, it's amazing to me, imagine one hand is on the wheel, not talking with my hands. But anyway, I said, you know, it's amazing to me when you're, when you're reading a story like that, I think as a man, it kind of resonates with you because we all have that experience of some woman like that, that is just a complete mess, but, and it's just getting by, you know, living one day, you know, living day by day, just barely getting by. And she's just a complete mess, but like you get involved in her life and everything. And you kind of wish you hadn't and all that. I'd say that I've met people from both sides who, you know, live life like that, probably more men to be honest, I would say just from my experience. Bear in mind, I was going off of the book, which is a lot darker than the movie. Anyway, but I was explaining that. And I said, I just, I feel like it's like a ride of passage, guys get involved with someone like that when they're young. And she said, you know, you would really like my brother. And I said, really, why is that? And she said, he says misogynistic things like that too. I have no idea why that's misogynistic. I said, there are, I said guys deal with women. You know, I said that when guys are young and naive, they deal with women like that. I didn't say that all women were like that. But also, we have to take into account that most people just have no fucking clue what a lot of these words actually mean. I think this is probably more of like, you know, outside this kind of context. I think this is more like relate to autism. Because, you know, I get a lot, like just speaking to neurotypicals. I mean, the friends that I have that are like that and the partners that I've had who have been neurotypical, they, you know, sometimes read into things a little bit more than what I'm saying. You know, I mean, like when I say something, I mean exactly what I'm saying. I don't, I'm not trying to refer to like a particular thing outside of that. And if I ever wanted to refer to a particular thing outside of that, I would say it, you know. But I know that that's not generally how a lot of allistic people interact in that way. It's not fair to anyone that we live in a society where men are held to be unemotional and women's emotions seem to be inconsequential. Yeah, that's true. Autistic people must have their own time of notice and or they can't reset. Yeah, of course. Like it is very healing for us. You know, it fills our life with, you know, things that we like. I don't think I have the same idea of manliness as the main thing being talked about by him now. I mean, here's the thing. It's not like a satin stone thing. Like everyone's got their own ideas of it, you know? Particularly my ideas on masculinity is that there are particularly like stereotypical masculinity. Like, I don't think is... I think it's more of like a thing. Like that's outside of people. I don't think that's the gold standard of how you should be acting in life. Like, there is a lot of like humanity and like day-to-day living and to try and fit yourself into a particular mold that people agree is particularly masculine is a very harmful thing to do. Because you're molding who you are into something that society believes is the epitome of like being a man. You know, I'm very happy and very comfortable in my own sort of identity as a man. I know that I don't fit every single stereotype. I actually tend to have very, very contrasting personality traits and also interests. Just for example, really interested in people, psychology, relationships, things of that nature. Not typically things that are associated with traditional masculinity. But I also used to be a combat athlete. I used to fight people. I like going to the gym. Those are two sort of contrasting ideas in that sense. But I'm not so desperate. I'm not saying that this man's desperate, but I'm not so desperate in myself that I'm willing to disregard such a large part of my interest and things that give me meaning in life just to fit a certain mold. Just to fit a certain personality persona that people are expecting me to have. You know, it's not how you wanna live your life. It's the whole idea behind like autistic masking as well. It's like you try and fit into this and there is a big ideal that's just not you. And there's nothing wrong with having feminine characteristics, traditionally feminine characteristics and traditionally masculine characteristics. Anyway, the point being that getting into a relationship, even a relationship with a fellow neuro atypical is not going to be the happy joy ride that you think it is. My experience with relationships is really, it just feels like taking on, not only taking on an extra job, but taking on a job, not only a job that you don't get paid for, but a job that you have to pay other people to do, if that makes sense. It's when people say, if anyone, Aaron ever tells you relationships take work, remember that the rest of that statement is relationships take work just for you. You are going to just be, you're not, when you get on the other side of, you know, you get over the hurdle of, oh my God, oh, yippie-skippy, we're in a relationship. When you get over that, what's on the other side of that is, it's horrifying how quickly your life turns into albundi, like how quickly that happens. I think he's referring to this, this idea of the honeymoon period, which I think is, you know, definitely something that I experienced in my teenagehood. Actually nowadays, I don't have that. I really don't. I don't have the honeymoon period. Just put it, I mean, like you could say maybe like a mild honeymoon period, but that's mostly because, you know, I'm interested in getting to know someone, but, yeah, that is the thing I think for everybody. You know, everyone's trying to put on their best front, you know, sort of sell themselves as all of the positive things and sort of hide the negative things. I think that's just what a lot of people do. But I mean, having awareness in baseline about that's the way that things can be, I think kind of tempers you a little bit to that whole experience. You're like, okay, I'm still getting to know you. Like it's not been, it's the honeymoon period is not over. I don't know if this is right for me yet. That kind of mentality, I think can go a long way. It's tempting yourself not getting too excited about getting married or having kids and moving in and giving it some time. It's just because human beings are, your relationship with another person is not, see the thing is I'm not denigrating and this is why I wanted to be clear. I'm not denigrating the people I was in relationships with because it's not them that I had the problem with. It's relationships that I had the problem with. Relationships are not, you know, when you get in a relationship, you are not just getting in a relationship with that person. You are getting in a relationship with the society that brought you and that person together, the society around you and that person. That is why all of our marital ceremonies are traditionally done. I mean, yeah, you can go down to the courthouse but marital ceremonies are traditionally done in front of a whole community full of witnesses, family members, people esteemed, friends, esteemed people from the community, all of that because you get up there and agree to hedge your personal honor on a pledge that you make in front of all of these people. And that's the thing. You are not, you are going to be, no matter how much you think it's going to be just the two of you, you know, the aristocracy of two as Kurt Vonnegut called it, it's not that. All of you, both of you will be bringing your cultural baggage and expectations whether you know it or not. You know, we have these automatic templates within us that are deeply ingrained and that we will just automatically fall into and start working off of. And I know this sounds all, sounds probably very bizarre and like I'm writing a computer man. No, I understand why he's getting that. I think most people might act in that way but I don't think all people, again. I mean, I feel like it's assumed by like what he was being talking about earlier that that is the case. But even then like, you know, there is the mentality of a good relationship where you kind of, you have the team mindset, you know. You do have aspects of other people and parts of the community and families and such in your life. But if you have a healthy enough bond and you have a healthy enough kind of mentality towards it, then I think you can argue that, yeah, it's kind of you guys against the world kind of thing to a certain extent. For manual for relationships, but that's the thing. The way we view the world, the way we interpret it, Aaron, as neurodivergent people, it's not set up for relationships. It's just what it's gonna feel like Aaron, if you get in a relationship, it's gonna feel like, you know, you mentioned, you mentioned that you would like a partner that when you get home from work, she would kiss you when you come in the door and maybe massage your shoulders a little bit and that kind of thing. That's not it, man. That's not it. You might get that at some point, but that's not, when you go into a relationship, you cannot go into a relationship expecting anything positive. You can only go into a relationship expecting more work. And if you got, and so... I think maybe you can get that now again. I think the issue comes in when you try to enforce that. You're like, okay, every time I come in, you have to do this. It's like, no one wants to be told what to do in that sense. It's supposed to be an act of care and love, you know. It's not always gonna happen, but going into a relationship thing, there's gonna be no positives for you. I disagree. I disagree with that a lot. You know, obviously it's gonna be some work because you're gonna maintain a very strong bond with somebody that you're living with and there's a lot of stuff involved in that. But to say that there's no positives to it, I think is not true. And so what's gonna happen is when you come through the door, she's going to walk up to you and tell you something or ask you something that feels like you're going, like she's going here, pick the correct button on this keyboard and you go and she says, no, try again and you keep trying different buttons and you can't seem to get it right, which by the way, if you ever are in that situation, just keep pushing the same button because the odds that it'll eventually come back around to that button keep getting higher and higher. But anyway, but the point being, you're going to feel like you're shooting in the dark, you're just gonna feel like you're constantly trying, being asked questions, you can't possibly know the answers to. Well, look, some people can be like that. I think if you find someone who has an air of self-awareness and also like wants to communicate with you and you are also communicating how you feel about certain things, like in that circumstance, you could say, you could talk to your partner and you could say like, okay, I don't know what you're asking of me in that and I'm not saying it because I'm being difficult, I just generally don't understand what to do when you have that conversation, you say, what do you want me to do there? And if they say something like, oh, I just expect you to know, then you say, I can't, I don't understand, I don't know. I would need a little bit more communication around that. And that's generally how you need to go about it. And some people are amenable to that. They are. I've been in relationships where people expect me to know what to do and how they're feeling based on very small things. I tried, I couldn't, I expressed that I couldn't. They didn't really understand that. And then other situations where I did communicate it and it's fine. It's like, you know, if they do it, I'm just like, I don't know like, what are you asking of me? And they're like, oh yeah, I remember. And you bring it back, you know? And it's just about making those small sort of explanations, those small attempts to bridge the communication gap that you need to make, especially if you're dating someone who isn't the same stereotype. And over time, that person just remember and sometimes they slip up and that's cool and that's just what people do. And you know, we're all in our own bubbles, think everyone sort of thinks the same as us. And you know, sometimes we do want people to be mind readers. And is that an acceptable thing to ask of someone? Probably not, to a certain extent. Is it reasonable? No. Does it stop people from doing it? Of course not. Like I've done it and I'm not gonna say that I haven't. I just wanted someone to understand exactly what to do and exactly how to react and understand exactly how I feel based on very, very small things. But it's just not reasonable. There's gotta be some air of communicating about it. And if that other person isn't amenable to that, then you know, they need to do some growth in that area, they need to understand a bit more. You know? That's not on you. And the reason for that is because, is not because there's anything wrong with her. It's not cause she's a bad person or anything like that. It's because you are, as a neurodivergent, you know, neurotypical people are wired to start hooking up, you know, getting together with each other and having children. They just kind of stumble into it. You know, there's the song Fooled Around and Fell in Love. That's pretty much it. That's like they just, normal people just stumble into each other. They don't pull up. Again, this is a very select group of people that are highlighted a lot on the internet. Who do that? And that's how they go about things. I made people all like that. I've met a ton of people who are not like that. And they are quite deliberate with their dating and they don't just kind of stumble in things and hook up with everybody, you know, anyone. You know, definitely not. This keyboard has become incredibly useful. They don't put a lot of thought into it. They don't put a lot of, you know, normal people don't have to go read books on self-improvement. They don't have to give, you know, they don't have to shell out their money to, you know, hucksters trying to teach them how to pick up women. They don't have to do all of these things because they're just, they just kind of stumble into each other like dumbasses and start fucking and then they have children and get married, you know. That's part of why there's such rigorous social conditioning around relationships. No, you know, I've somewhat like adopted that mindset when I was a bit younger. Like, you know, people are kind of like baboons and they just go about and they just do stuff and it's not like, there's no fault behind it and sure, some people are like that. A lot of people are not like that. Just to say that it's just so easy for them is wrong. It's definitely wrong. I can't tell you how many times I've talked to all these stick men who struggle with dating and they're into self-improvement and, you know, I definitely wouldn't say go to the hustle kind of, was it pick apart his stuff? I'd try and stay away from that as much as you can. But, you know, the reason why those people have such an audience is because people are looking for that and it's not just autistic people. It's because most people aren't even thinking at all about it's like, I don't know, I put my dick in there. Oh God, the baby's coming out. What the fuck? I mean, this is literally the level at which most people are approaching relationships. People like us, you know, where we read into it and analyze it and that kind of thing, all that stuff. We don't have that naturally turning machinery like normal people do. And it might not be politically correct to say normal people, but, you know, I think Aaron and I can both agree that when you're on the spectrum, you know what normal looks like and you know you're not it. But anyway, so we have that natural machinery and so normal people just kind of in relationships just kind of know how to communicate with each other. It just kind of flows in and out of. Man, like, there was a lot of people who weren't autistic, who deal with a lot of social anxiety. You can't find a girlfriend, you can't find a boyfriend. There are quite a lot of introverted people in the world who don't have that thing. I think it's kind of referring to, you know, these kind of highly extroverted individuals who like to engage in like nightlife and traveling and all the kind of like mainstream things that we see online. You know, that's a minor, I wouldn't say maybe not minority. That is a group of people that is not like representative of everybody. I understand the mentality there because, you know, it's, it can sometimes feel like that. In and out of each other. And they just kind of automatically know what to do. You know, they know that they don't, when they're approached with something like the, you know, the coded message shit test with the keyboard, it doesn't feel like a, it doesn't feel like they're trying to enter the access code to gain access. I mean, this stuff is online. Like, I feel like a lot of people have this approach. I know he's talking from like the son, male or birth kind of individuals, I suppose. But, you know, I hear a lot of, like most of my friends are women. They also don't know which buttons to press. And their partner doesn't, they don't always know which button to press. Like, it's not, it's not like that. It's not so seamless. Because if it was so seamless then every like most relationships would be like, great for allistic individuals. And that's, that's not good. This man be resentful. Yeah, and I can understand. Like, it's, it is, dating is hard, you know? I've been one to be a little bit resentful, I think at times in my life. It's about tempering that with reality to a certain degree, I'd say. I've got that image in my head now, not good. I've changed my mind about interacting with my roommates. Welcome back, Sheila. You okay? It's talking about them as if he's observing a different species. Yeah, they're not, they're not, they are different, that's for sure. But they're not that different. Now I can empathize with a lot of allistic individuals and a lot of things. There's just some things that I don't necessarily, and they don't necessarily have me. But I don't know if he's necessarily talking from like an emotional perspective. Maybe this is just like, you know, his views, as he said about it. Which, you know, this is how kind of life feels like, you know, I couldn't understand having that view, but it's definitely not like fully, it's not like the full picture, I'd say. There are some things, some kind of assumptions that I don't particularly agree with. Access to the ancient temple, they know that automatically that when she says whatever, you're just gonna go, and that's it, like, is what she wants to hear. And that's the problem, that's the thing. You're never gonna be able to just grunt the right way. And all of the bizarre, all of the weird inanities of human behavior, like I'll tell you something, Erin, one of the weird things I learned about human nature, and I wanna say I'm gonna be talking about women here, when I say this, this is not women do this, it's just women are my, what I'm dealing, what I'm referring to, what I'm talking about. Women are not, this is, I say that because I'm not trying to be misogynistic here. But it's like, you know, I can't tell you how many times I've had women tell me, you know, I'm dating this guy who's, you know, I'm dating this guy who just sits around and sits on the couch and farts and drinks beer and watches football and he's so boring and I can't, I'm miserable and I wish I had a man who was cultured and educated and intelligent and, you know, creative and all of this stuff. And they'll tell you that, and so you'll think, and so we being autistic think that people are being on the level with us, they're telling us what we want to hear when in reality, believe it or not, even though she's saying she wants all of those qualities in a man, you know, and that's, I heard so many women saying things like that and so I felt, I felt good about cultivating, you know, I felt like if I continued cultivating my qualities as a creative person and an artsy sort of person and that kind of thing, they would find that appealing because I was hearing so many women saying that that's what they wanted. Now, I didn't do that just for women. And I, you know, I'm gonna keep doing it whether they like it or not, but I thought that that would eventually, there would be women who would want me for that, for having all of those qualities that they can't get from their football watching, beer, swilling, dude, bro, husband, or boyfriend or whatever. Well, here's the reason, there's two things here. One is like, you know, a lot of people will say what they want, but be attracted to and go for something that they don't want. No, they haven't said. There is that aspect of it. There's also the aspect that, you know, it is a quality that they are looking for, but it's not everything. And there could be a lot of things that a person is looking for, but if I was speaking about myself, you know, perhaps someone's looking for an autistic person who, I don't know, has an interest in gaming. Perhaps I fit that. I fit that criteria, but perhaps they don't find me physically attractive. Perhaps they don't enjoy talking to me. They don't find that we have a lot of common ground and a lot of our values and interests and things outside of that. Like, is that necessarily saying that they aren't attracted to people like that and they don't find that something of value in another person? I don't think so. There's just a lot more to it, I would say. Just the reality of it, Aaron. What they actually want, they don't, even though they want that, what they really are, what they're going to do and they know they're going to do it, is they're going to go find a man who's a beer-swilling football watching frat boy dude, bro, so that they can complain about not being with a man that is... Yeah, I mean, that's a bit of a stretch, dude. Like, I do think that that's somewhat, you know, going into the air of like the stereotypical, kind of, I wouldn't say misogynistic, but like, it's somewhat getting to the point of generalization where it's not particularly accurate. Sure, there are people like that, but no. Like, yeah, exactly, like... No, I have friends who don't do that. I have friends that do do that, but they generally don't really have much awareness of where they are in life and they don't really know what they want. But then, even in that case, the person I'm referring to that I'm speaking about, they have got to a point where they know what they want and they're kind of happy and they've found someone who does vibe with them and gets on with them well and treats them right and has their values and stuff and they're not particularly like any of the people that they've dated before, but they're really, really happy. But it just took them a while to find that and a while to like know what they wanna look for and accurate sort of intentionally trying to find people that were like that. I'd say that men do the same. Like, I can't say at one point I didn't, I wasn't in a phase where I was like, particularly attracted to kind of like the party girl archetype of people. That's nothing to do, that's like in no way connected to who I am as a person and what I'm interested in, but I still like, you know, and it goes, I think everyone can be like that. Fugi says, I try not to keep onto resentment type enough with remembering silly things I did that randomly popped in my mind, yeah. Makes me sad watching people talk about how they aren't good enough for people, but never think about what good enough for them means. Yeah, I don't necessarily know if that's exactly like what they think. I mean, he's definitely speaking his mind and, you know, I think that there are things that he's getting wrong about it, but, and I'm obviously coming this from a very stunned kind of to the side, kind of critiquing kind of standpoint, but, you know, I'm not proclaiming that I'm perfect with any of this. I feel like I have had enough relationship and dating experience to know sort of a bit more of the nuances around things, like how to make things work and the mindset to have and, you know, how to deal with rejection when you're not meeting these silly expectations that people have and being okay with that. For some people, what he's describing could apply to some people, but if you know where to find people and you get yourself out there into the places that you enjoy to be in and you have the opportunity to socialize with people and you meet people, then, you know, a lot of people are not on the internet and, you know, having a lot of Instagram photos and having a social media prevalence, plus some people are like introverted. They're like, oh, are they like staying on us and they just don't really interact with it, you know? Is an educated, cultured, intelligent, creative person. Literally, that's why they got in the relationship is so that they could be, so that they could have that situation. It's so funny. I had a, I picked up, going back to my Uber days, I picked up this woman. I don't think, like, even if that was the case, I don't think it's a conscious thing. I don't believe that's the case for a lot of people, but if they did do that, it wouldn't be like a, ooh, hmm, this person is not what I want. I want someone to complain about. I think it's more just, if that was the case, then they would just find themselves attracted to and enjoy talking to them and want to spend more time with them, even if they don't fit these criteria. And they're just not really being cognizant and they're kind of getting swept away with it and they're like, oh, I'll give this a shot and find out that they are exactly who they perceive to be and they don't have these qualities that they're looking for. People do have a tendency of being swept up into that stuff and I'm definitely not, you know, a singularity, in that sense. I definitely had that experience too, but not to complain about them, that's for sure. This coming out of the nightclub and beautiful, beautiful statuesque black woman gets into my car, she's everything about her look like it costs a million bucks and she gets in my car and we drive off to the destination, towards the destination and she starts crying. And I asked if she was okay. And she said she was, but she's with this man that she was out at the club having a good time and this man that she's with called her and demanded that she come over and fuck him right then and there, leave the club. I don't care if you're with your friends, come over here, fuck me right now. Demanded that she come over and do it and that's where we were going. And she's kept going on. I don't know why he's like this. I don't know why he doesn't respond. I said, why do you want to be treated this way? And she was kind of taken aback by that question. I bet, I bet she was taken aback by that. Oh my God. I mean, it's coming back full circle. You know, we were talking about like traditional kind of massing things. You know, this guy's being direct telling, you know, being what you consider to have like dominant behavior and stuff. That's not making her happy. Like, perhaps if he had a bit, this man that they were talking about, perhaps if that person had a bit of humanity and like personal insight and care, then they wouldn't rip that person away from something and sort of force them to do that. That is not, not cool. The, and she was like, well, I don't want to be, I said, you're leaving the club where you went out with your friends to go fuck this guy who's just demanding that you show up and fuck him. You must want to do this. You must want this more than you wanted to, you know. She's probably just scared that she's gonna lose like a relationship. Like breakups are hard. If someone's emotionally attached to another person and they're like pretty much demanding something, you know, if I was in that circumstances, I wouldn't, you know, obviously, but no, it's hard. And there's, you know, there's the potential for loss there. And if you think that person's gonna leave you because you don't do what they say, then, you know, it's the whole thing about like emotional, physical abuse and things like that. And that's something that happens. She was like, shut up and drive. I think we all want what we're told to want until we learn more and you're able to make more informed decisions. And we tried to talk about her relationship and everything, but that's the reality of it, is as weird and counterproductive as it is, she wants to go get in that situation because being abused and mistreated that way is actually what she was looking for. Now, pump the brakes right quick, stop a minute, stop a minute, just hold on captain straw man. No, I'm not saying that women want to be abused and mistreated. What I'm saying is that people are creatures of habit and they seek out, they will, people, men and women are creatures of habit and they will seek out situations that are familiar and they would rather be in a bad familiar situation than a good unfamiliar situation. That's human nature, that's how it works. Sure, some people, particularly teenagers, early 20s I would say, you know, I've never had any sort of, you know, I'm kind of being a bit open and a bit raw, but like I have experienced like both physical and sort of emotional abuse, I guess, in my life, both from friends and from partners and I've never once thought this is great. I would love this, I want more of this. This is familiar to me, I'm gonna go home and have more of this. It tends to be that I avoid it, like if I'm honest. Nobody likes that, but I think more of what is getting at is maybe to do with like particular personality traits that people who do that might have maybe. I do know a lot of people who's describing where they're like, you know, they get themselves into the same cycle of relationships with people who are very, very similar and have that kind of mentality and do do those things. I think there are some people who are like that, but not everybody. So that's why I'm trying to tell you, Erin, as you're trying to logic your way through it, everybody else is just stumbling around being led by their amygdala and bumping into each other until babies start spraying everywhere. And so it just doesn't line up. And I will tell, and like I said, I'll tell you from having been on the other side of it, having been in relationships, positive and negative relationships, it is so maddening. It's more, you think you're going to be finding you're happily ever after, you're not. You're not finding happily ever after. You're finding 50 pages of tax forms you have to fill out or 50 pages of bureaucratic nonsense that you have to fill out in triplicate every day of your goddamn life. That's being in a relationship. It's just boredom and tedium and agro... So you don't have to do that on your own as well. I'm pretty sure you have to do that even if you're not in a relationship. I mean, bar like the whole marriage stuff, I suppose. Yeah, I think you have to do that anyway. Aggravation in the best of circumstances. And it's not necessarily like that for normal people because normal people know when to grunt and fart at the right time and make each other feel good, feel familiar. You're asking what was wrong with you, Aaron. And what's wrong with you? And I'll tell you straight up, I want sugarcoated. What's wrong with you is the same thing that's wrong with me. We think and we don't have the automatic thing where the natural human drive is to take action, take automatic visceral gut level reactive action to something, to stimulus, and then rationalize why they did it after. We're not totally immune from that, but we are the kind of people that want to sit and plot out our course of action and plan what we're going to do before we do it. And the fact that, I'll tell you this, Aaron, what's wrong with you, and like I said, it's what's wrong with me too. Your idea for how do I solve my relationship problems is to go on YouTube and create a video blog where you can talk about your feelings and your ideas and try to strategize and figure out life and everything. That's what we do. That's why we're good with computers. That's why people like you and I are good with music and we're good with creative endeavors like that. We can plan out big, I can write big, wild progressive rock operas and everything and symphonic music and all that, but believe it or not, I've seen how the overwhelming majority of human beings get together, Aaron, and it's things like I've had situations where I'm sitting at a bar, having a drink, and I'm surrounded by douchey college kids and there's like some beautiful girls sitting here next to me and this guy comes up to us, hey, hey, hey, I got a question. I got a question for you. I got a question, I got a question. Is your poop green? Do you have green poop? Is your poop green? Is your poop green, huh? Is your poop green? I've seen this happen. And the girls start giggling and then they turn around and want to talk to the, is your poop green guy? Quality dating advice, very specific circumstance. The thing is, I think this is, if you're speaking about bars and nightclubs and things like that and people drinking, it's a little bit different to day-to-day living. It's a lot of people, I wouldn't say everybody, I partaked in nightclub activities for a certain portion of my life, not necessarily anymore. Can't remember the last time that I have, but usually I think a lot of people are looking for kind of that short-term stuff, which is not a relationship. Some people, yes, they may fall into a long-term relationship and actually like these people, but I think more than often, just talking to my female friends, like more than often, these guys just turn out to be douches and they just don't want to speak to them anymore. Okay. It's a short-term thing. It's not lasting. They get into those long-term phases, the honeymoon ends, they realize just like what they've got themselves into, they finish it, or they continue for a while just to make it work, and you know, some people do that and I'm not saying that everyone does at all, but it's a different sort of, it's a different thing, like it's a different context, I would say. It's a context and also a result of what people are wanting in that interaction. I mean, I've never really been the type to like go to the nightclub to do that, actually never. I mostly go to be with my friends and to dance, but I do know a lot of people who do have that motivation when it comes to going out. They're not looking for long-term partners, fooled around and fell in love. That's it. And we are just not wired this way. And so, like I said, I've been in relationships because I've been so good, I've gotten so good at cult, I don't do the green poop routine, but I've gotten so good at cultivating relation, cultivating a semblance of normalcy in my behavior. And I'm pretty, you know, I'm in conversation with people, I am pretty quick with a joke and that kind of thing. So I have that to my advantage, but I seem normal enough that I've learned how to seem normal enough that I've gotten into situations where women wanna give it a go with me. And once I'm on the other side of that hurdle, once the light, that initial two weeks of, if we found somebody, let's fuck like wild insects, you know, once that whole thing wears off, dude, it's nothing that you want, nothing that you want. And so... You know, I'm really, I mean, the joke about the world, well, not the joke about the wild insects coming, I mean, she's bar that, like, I can, like, you have a very likable personality, John. You have a lot of cool interests, like, it's great, like, you're different, you don't particularly wanna go out and do that kind of thing, that's cool. You don't have to, like, if you want, like, short-term dating things, then maybe you should try and learn that, but, I mean, I'd probably argue against that, if possible. It's the wild insects thing. I'm just thinking of, like, the only thing that I can think of is, like, praying mantises, you know, like, like, they may, and then the man gets his head bit in half, that's just what my brain's defaulting to. Holy Jesus. I'm not really, like, I don't mask. I don't mask in a dating context either. I'm just myself. Some people like it, some people don't, that's cool. I'm not gonna, like, put on a mask of normalcy, because that stops the weird people, the quirky people, from being like, hey, he's like me, you know, it removes that possibility. And that's what I want, too. I like strange people. They bring me happiness and joy. You know, I'm like you, man, I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to, you know, I'm not, I'm at a point in my life where I'm thinking about, like, you know, yeah, it would be nice to have a partner and nice to have a person and everything. But honestly, if I'm being totally honest, the women that are willing to put up with me in my bullshit are not that appealing to me. I want the same women that everybody else is attracted to. And, you know, it's just, it's just not, that's just not in the cards. It's just not gonna work, because I can't keep it going forever. I mean, I have literally had situations where I've had to get out of relationships with women to bring my blood pressure back down. I mean, it is just so taxing and so unbelievably confusing and frustrating. So my advice to you, Aaron, would be, you know, I don't know if you're spiritual or not, but I like to take some time alone with God and just breathe my feelings out that way. God can take all the anger and heartbreak and disillusionment you wanna scream at him. Just, you know, just get it out of your system, just to ritualize it and breathe it out and give yourself over to God as my recommendation and start reshaping what your life can be without, you know, pursuing relationships. You know, think about it this way, Aaron, in a way you're lucky because you're not cynical and disillusioned like I am. You can go, if you wanna go, you know, if you wanna go watch a rom-com or romantic comedy or read a romance novel or something like that, you can still feel all of your heartstrings being tugged at and everything by the beautiful descriptions of love and stuff like that and enjoy it. I don't feel anything anymore with that shit because I'm so over it. I'm so into the reality of it that I just can't get lost. I can't suspend my disbelief anymore. So it's hard pill to swallow, man. And, you know, I realized that envy, that I, you know, envy is not something that, or there's a reason that envy is one of the deadly sins that it can take you over because I realized like, you know, I don't wanna be cane-enable. You know, I don't wanna be suffering with inner contempt because everyone else is able to do this thing. And if I think about it, yeah, it'll make me mad that everybody else is able to do this thing that I can't do but I'm still yearning for. It's tough, man. It's not easy. And we all have our crosses to bear. Yours happens to be shaped roughly like mine. So that's my advice. You're making music. You're doing, you're doing create cool creative things with that. Just, you know, start cultivating that and forget about, I know, I know you said that you were, I know you said that you were, you know, you didn't like the silence of your apartment and everything like that. Dude, you have no idea how grateful you could be. You could find, very seriously find yourself in a situation where you're grateful for that silence. And I welcome the silence. I enjoy the silence and the Pesh mode. So anyway, that is all that I wanted to impart on that. And I think I finally said it in a constructive way that's not me just feeling sorry for myself and that kind of thing. I mean, I really appreciate this guy getting on the internet and kind of sharing his thoughts and feelings and experiences. And a lot of it, you know, if I was to like, talk to, talk to the him and also talk to the guy that he's talking about. I also, and the fires are a lot, I think, you know, there has been a lot of stages in my life and it kind of ebbs and flows and, you know, where I do feel like I'm gonna be like alone for the rest of my life. I'm not gonna find someone great for me. And, you know, insecurities about who I am, my personality, how I look, you know, a lot of things that I think about and I beat myself up about. And also a lot of, you know, things, stages and sort of thoughts I have where it's like, you know, it's, you don't need to craft yourself to be things that you think people are gonna like. Yeah, yeah, it is brave. Yeah, it's good to talk about. I do think there are a lot of things which are incorrect, I think, from, you know, it's particularly about like neurotypicals and like the way that dating goes and the things that all women would want or a large majority of women would want, I don't think that's the case. I'd say for a particular group of people, maybe that's the case, but, you know, I understand I feel a lot of what is said and it's tough and it's not easy for anybody to find what you're looking for and what, you know, there's a difference in what you want and what you need. And, you know, it's about trying to find that and the right way of approaching things. I definitely don't think that the prescription here is just to stay single. If that's something that you want. I mean, it's really cool and it's all good and, you know, if you do wanna be on your own and sure, like, fair enough, even in that instant that there are people out there who don't particularly wanna live together they don't particularly wanna spend all of their time together. There's introverted people, there's people who are not looking for hypermasculinity. There's a lot of different people out there and, you know, if you are finding yourself single and not being able to find something that's good for you, then there's a lot of ways that you can improve and there's a lot of ways that you can learn to be a bit more comfortable with yourself and who you are and what you like. And, you know, through the trial of going on dates and meeting people, you might find someone who's just very, very similar to you and they want the same thing and they have the same difficulties in relationships and the same sort of ideas and values and personality traits and not gonna say that that's an easy thing to do, like, no way, but to say that, to cut yourself off from the opportunities to do that, I think it's not a good thing to do and you shouldn't be hyper-focused on it all the time because that's when you get in your head about it and that's when you get really sad and you get really, you know, feeling exactly, you know, like that. It's just never, it's not gonna be right for me. Perhaps the best remedy to that is to just try and improve yourself in the areas that you think that you should improve in. I'm not masking, that's one that I would not encourage, but learning a bit more about neuro-typicals, how they work, if you're wanting to date someone who's like that and how to accurately communicate what you need, the differences that you have and try to get over that, I suppose. And just kind of let it happen and, you know, be open to going on dates, be open to all of that, don't put all your eggs in your emotional sort of sanity into that, but if something does come along and you find someone who's good, then give it a go. Like, if you don't like it, then don't date them and you can talk about this stuff. And he seems like he knows what he wants. So tell people what you want. Is it gonna turn people away? Yeah, like a lot of people, not everybody. And some people might be unsure about it and they might want to give it a bit more time. And it might not work for them, but it might see you for who you are and enjoy you and like being around you and want to spend most of their time with you, most of the time that they want to spend socializing nice. But I wouldn't feel, I don't think the remedy is that autistic men or autistic women should not date. If you don't want that, then don't, obviously, but if you do, don't glued yourself into thinking that you're okay if you don't have it, try your best and work on yourself, you know. But I hope, you know, with this video, I realize that there is a possibility that you may watch this Jordan and I hope that none of my sort of disagreements is somewhat taken to heart or, you know, my perspectives are somewhat invited, I guess, you're okay with them. I can only, you know, give my own experience and my own knowledge and put it into the pot. And if you do want to come on to like my podcast or something and talk about it, then I'm open about it. So I did, like I don't really empathize with a lot of what you said and I would be willing to, you know, hear you out on things. So I hope that I've approached this somewhat sensitively and not just being like an asshole reaction person because I do, I do, I think you're an awesome person. You say really cool and you've got a lot of cool interests and you know, and the person that you may or may not find yourself with, I think they would be, you know, really happy to be with someone like you. Also, how long has the room in the background been fake, what the heck? Yeah, it's a cartoon. I mean, it'd be cool if my bedroom was like that. But sadly, I have not. But yeah, go over, check out Jordan's channel. It is Jordan Owen. He's got some videos and some other stuff that's not to do with autism and things like that. So if you want to hear something more from Ingo, check his channel out, give the video a like. If you liked listening to it and hearing his perspective or give it a drop, subscribe, things like that. It's always good for small-ish YouTubers like us.