 All right, so it's working for you. And this is what I call the contrast principle. When you compensate properly, the contrast principle. Because let's imagine in America, the African-American male is hypermasculinized. This is not controversial to say that. This is the subject of a lot of gender studies, research on African-American males' perceptions or impressions of them. And it works against them when they want to go into the corporate world. But imagine a guy with tattoos and piercings, just looking badass. He's not really gonna stand out. Because if the first impression or if the stereotype is that he is that way, then he's just another African-American male, unfortunately for him. And it's the same with Asians. If we just look like we have pocket protectors and we work for IBM or something, then another guy who matches that stereotype, we don't stand out, we're just another Asian. However, with the contrast principle, if you work against your stereotype, if you're a black guy with tattoos, you wouldn't stand out, but if you're an Asian guy with tattoos, you would stand out. If the stereotype is that you don't have tattoos. You see, so the contrast principle will work for your advantage, to your advantage, if you can identify what their first impressions are that are negative, and you do the opposite of that as a first impression. Right, so that can work right away. And in addition, along the lines of the contrast principle, is the principle that, especially for Asians, that there's actually something really good about being the minority race. There's something really good about being the minority race. Because you get to be exotic. Exotic is good. Anything different is good. Because it generates intrigue and curiosity. But you don't want to be too exotic, but not too much, but not too exotic. Exotic but not too exotic is a principle. For instance, if you're dating a girl from rural America, I don't know, Montana, maybe, and there's no sushi restaurant there at all in the whole city. For your first date, you take her across county lines to eat sashimi. And you insist that she uses chopsticks and that she adds a lot of wasabi. It's probably not gonna be a great date. Probably too much for her, right? It's too exotic. But she likes the fact that you're different. She likes the fact that you know a little bit about Buddhism. She wants to do some yoga and meditation. She's into that. And that is where you need to start. You can be relatable. You need to be approachable. But using the exotic part of you, the fact that you're different and that you come from this different world that she doesn't know anything about but is kind of curious about. You can play that up. So these are all ways of taking advantage of a seemingly limiting belief. You started off saying, as an Asian person, non-Asian girls will not like me. It's true. Actually, the research has shown that a really great online dating study by Dan Ariely and some others showed that as an Asian man, you would have to make $247,000 more a year to compete on par with the white dude on online dating. That really sucks for Asian guys. I sure they make a little more, but that's crazy. So it's true that you're, it's a major handicap. Can you change it? You can't change your race, right? But you can reframe it. Do the research and then condition. Condition through visualizations and affirmations. In this case, you'd have to find people of your race, guys of your race who are dating beautiful women and make that replace whatever you're seeing in the representations. What was really great for me was moving to Asia. Actually, I think that's one of the problems with some of the Asian dating coaches in America is that they're just basically becoming white. You know, they're like, oh, the white guys are dominating. Let's just be as white as we can, right? Or like be even a little bit more where Harley-Davidson motorcycle boots everywhere. But being in Asia, what helped was, you know, when you walk around in America, you see on the billboards, everyone's white. You see on the cover of the magazines, everyone's white. You watch the Hollywood movies, everyone's white. Everything is supporting the limiting belief. That sucks. But moving to China, looked at the billboards, they were all using Chinese models. The TV was all Chinese people. You know, everything was different. So it helps reinforce my empowering belief. Now, whatever yours is, you just have to find the environment that will support the empowering belief you want to adopt. And in addition, through my research in Asian cultures and literature, I found that actually, I became very proud of my Asian heritage. That's another thing that you would do with your research. That whatever limiting belief you have, if you can't change it, become proud of it. Become proud of it, because that's part of who you are. And look for things to be proud of. That might take some more research, right? I found it's astounding that in Singapore, Indian guys don't know shit about India. Like they don't know anything about the Indian culture or the history or the religions. They're just Indian. And they kind of want to repudiate that whole past and become just Singaporean, which is like a 50-year-old culture. It's not as rich as what they came from. Become proud of that. I found that through my study of East Asia, that there were actually not only powerful men, emperors and kings and cons from Mongolia, but also ladies men, the equivalent of Casanova. No one told me about that when I was starting out. But I found works of literature that were over 1,000 years old, Tale of Genji, The Pillow Book, Dream of the Red Chambers, The Golden Lotus. These all showed these Chinese or Japanese men who were incredibly attractive to the ladies. And they had a specific style. And it was a courtier style. Back then, it was always the disparity between the upper and lower classes were so great that even in Europe, you would have very effeminate men who were incredibly attractive to women. Casanova, the Don Wands. They took care of their appearance. They powdered their faces. They took a lot of care over their hair and all that. So yeah, that's effeminate. Maybe that's part of the problem for the Asian guy. He's too effeminate. But actually that can work for you if your outward appearance is like a dandy, like a gay fashion designer kind of thing. Girls let the guard down. And it's great if you like the things that girls like. You don't have to be the big jock. If you like the things that girls like, girls will love you. They're gonna have you around all the time. They're gonna ask you along to their tea times and their fashion shows and all that. That's great. So if this is their view of Asian guys, work with it, man. Use it, and especially if that's what you like. If you like fashion, then make that part of your identity. It's great. But here's the one thing you can't do. You can't make that part of your personality in the sense of you can't be a weak man. So if you read the literature of these Asian seducers, they were all very powerful personalities. They were independent. They were strong. They were assertive. They were very direct when they wanted something. And they could be hot and cold very easily. They had game. They could walk away from a situation and that's often what created a chase dynamic. But their outward appearance wasn't like that the jock or the military man. They had their own way of doing things. So as an Asian guy, you don't have to sell out. You don't have to just dress like the white guy, talk like the white guy, and just be the white guy hoping the girl won't notice that you have yellow skin. That's gonna fuck you up, because that's gonna make you, that limiting belief is gonna go even deeper into your psyche. Bring that out and make that something you're proud of. Put that out front. So if you reframe it as something that can work for you and then you do this conditioning through research, then you can see how you don't need to know any specialized skills or techniques. You just need to do a little bit of research and then condition your identity, your new identity. So with all of this, it requires honesty. Most guys are not gonna be honest with their limiting beliefs. So that's the first step. You have to know what your limiting beliefs are. You make a list of those. What's holding me back? And be brutally honest with yourself, right? And then just apply reflection and reframing to the process and it's very simple. This is the decision tree here. Okay, so that's the inner part. I'm gonna move into the outer. Okay, and another term for this other than R and R is psychological archeology. Psychological archeology is what I'm gonna be doing as well when we get to the outer part. Actually, I was gonna entitle the talk that but I thought it would be too esoteric. Okay, outer. Now this is the part that most guys wanna hear because whenever I give talks on dating, the guys always wanna know what to say. But if you take care of the inner part of it, then you don't need to worry about what to say, right? Because the thoughts will already be there. You just have to say what's in your mind. So let's get you started though on how to understand how to apply the inner part into making it the outer part. So here's a formula about attractiveness. Being attractive equals emotional strength plus honesty or expressing yourself honestly. Ash, being attractive equals emotional strength plus expressing yourself honestly. And it's simply a cyclical process of becoming stronger and stronger and more and more attractive. Cyclical. What's the cyclical process? It's you be as strong as you can and then express yourself honestly. And if you're still insecure, you're gonna hit up against this wall, but that's all you got.