 When you eat, say Mashallah, the food was excellent. It was very good. Mashallah, we thank Allah and I thank you for the effort. This is how it works. Your husband comes back, he comes home, he buys you something, he does something for you. Thank him. Say, oh, I really appreciate it. Count the favors of the husband. Do you know one of the sins of women that are made mention of by Muhammad is that sometimes they do not appreciate what's done for them. They are quick to forget, but the same applies to men. They are quick to forget what the women do for us as well. And we treat them as though, you know what, by the way, I heard one man and it's a fact. I'm a counselor myself. You know, we try to help as many as we can. But once there was a problem between certain people and you know, our mothers are really good people. They don't mean to interfere, but sometimes there's a generation gap. So a generation gap means, you know, when there's more than 30, 40 years gap between people, they don't understand each other properly. You know, so sometimes when they don't, they say things and the other one hasn't understood it. She will say things and the mother hasn't understood it so on. So there was a problem. And to be honest with you, the mother was more wrong in that particular case that I was dealing with. And the man says, listen, a mother I will never replace. But a wife, there are dozens outside waiting to marry me. I looked at him and I said, do you fear Allah? Do you fear Allah? Do you want to be with the same mother in Jannah? Subhan Allah. If that's the case, if your statement is correct technically speaking. But as a Muslim you should not be saying that. Because your mother is irreplaceable. That does not make it such that when she's wrong, that wrong is also irreplaceable. You can replace the wrong with right. Tell her, my mom, I love you. I can't replace you. You are my mother. Allah chose you for me. You are a test for me. But my beloved mother, you know what? In this instance you were wrong. Or get someone like me to tell your mother that you know what? You are wrong. Really, get a scholar. Get someone else whom she respects to correct her. And I've been and I've done this in certain homes where you tell the person, look, this is the problem. Please let your daughter live or let your son live without interfering so to speak. And sometimes my young spouses, it's not interference. It is guidance. We mixed the two up. They are guiding you. Like we said it's their duty to guide you. If your mother sees you as a man, you were a good man, used to get up for Salatul Fajr, Read Quran. Now that you married, everything stopped. She has every right. In fact, it's her duty as married as you are. And as many children as you may have. It's her duty to tell you, listen my son, you will get up for Salat. But she mustn't say, and this is a mistake many women make. Ever since you got married, that woman, I don't know what she does to you at night. You can't even get up for Salat. Mum, you know what we do at night. Come on. It's not like it's haram. I don't have to be shy about it. Allah forgive us really. I've heard this happening. You know, they come any small thing. Son has a bad habit. When my son was single, he never had that bad habit. Now that he's with you, bad habits are coming in. Allah forgive us if those are words that are cutting. Those are remarks that are unwarranted. Those are remarks that are not correct. A Muslim should not be saying that. You make dua for your son. Oh Allah guide my son. Oh Allah help my child. Allah help me create a love between me and my daughter in law. Make the dua. Oh Allah help us. Like this, anything goes wrong. You know the mother, the nose is twitching sometimes. Oh Allah protect all our mothers. The wrong thing would be for her to say, I think my daughter in law is doing some magic on me. My nose is twitching. Your nose is twitching big deal. My nose twitches. No one did anything on you. It's just a little perhaps blood circulation, something wrong, something here and there. It's normal. Everyone's nose twitches once in a while. You know, Allah forgive us. Don't think negative. You want that not to be intact. Don't think negative. Think positive. That is the will of Allah SWT. He has tested you through that. So this is why we say, learn to respect one another. Become role models for your own children. Learn to stand up for your spouse when someone is wrong, whether it's in your home or out of your home. Don't allow them to be trampled by anyone and everyone. And never ever think that your spouse is an unpaid maid. Lot of people are happy. You're getting married. We're going to have good food here. Hey, Mashallah. Who? Is she just a cook? If she likes to do it and she doesn't mind. Alhamdulillah. Mashallah. What a wife. Alhamdulillah. May Allah bless us. Beautiful. But you can't just say, guys, no more worries. All my friends, every night you can come home. No problem. Who's going to prepare my wife? Your wife is not married to your friends, my brothers. Your wife is your spouse. Yes, she may want to spoil you, but remember she's a human being, not a machine. The same applies to your husband, my beloved sisters. He's not a machine. He is a human being. He will falter. He will make mistakes. You know, I normally tell people that when you want to know everything about your spouse, the knot will break. Listen to what I just said. People say I want to know every detail. You are not Allah. My answerability is not to you. I swear I have come across instances where a man or a woman have faltered in life. A big mistake. The spouse did not know. They came crying to the scholars or to the masjid and they repented and they became better people and you think to yourself. The spouse didn't know. That's why they are really, really happy because the man has become a better person than he was before the mistake he made. But if the spouse found out, environment teaches the spouse to say husband made a mistake, kick him out. So now she is depressed. He is depressed. And what happened? It was a mistake between him and Allah. It had nothing to do with you. So you say I want to know every detail. I want to know every detail. Tell me. Mashallah. You know if she is standing with her hands on her hips, it's okay. Some would be standing with a stick. And vice versa. The men are doing it as well. You don't need to know every detail. The sin sometimes is between them and Allah. You don't need to really, sometimes they will turn to Allah. If your spouse turns and leaves a bad habit because of you, they might get back into it. But if they've left the bad habit because of Allah, the chances of them getting back to it are very small because they did it for the sake of Allah. You know the amount of, like we say, the environment and the amount of pressure that the environment puts on people to be promiscuous and to be, for example, to lose morals and values is so intense and immense that a person who is saved is really one who fears Allah. You walk out of this hall. What do you see? Subhanallah. There is a theater right next door. May Allah bless us all. A person can head to the wrong direction very easily, very quickly, very tempting. The lights are flashing. It's Christmas season, end of year and so on. And the Muslims sometimes you find they are the ones who go to the Christmas parties. You know Diwali party, Christmas party, front line Muslims. At least some of them remove their head gear. May Allah forgive us. So this is the pressure of society, pressure of community, pressure of the world today. The globe is such that people can falter and fall. It's your duty to help and assist. Get your spouse back up on her feet or his feet and help him walk towards Allah. That is your paradise. That is your paradise. It doesn't mean when your spouse has made one mistake, you cut the rope, you cut the knot. No, they've made a mistake. There are others who have made many more mistakes and they have helped their spouses in a way that today they are happier than they ever were in the past. And wallahi it's a fact. Ask those who are slightly older. When their spouses made mistakes, they helped them. They did not say right. It's the end of story. Go. I don't want you here anymore. That's the case and that's how we are looking at marriage. Someone else will do the same thing to you or a member of your family. May Allah not do that to us. If you have a serious problem and a crisis, yes indeed, sometimes that not. Perhaps you will want to untie it because you know what, to be honest with you, something went wrong, total incompatibility perhaps. You know something has happened here where the knot is broken. You know when you become physical with your wife you say I'm a Muslim. Didn't you see the Quran says I can beat you. You're my wife. How did you interpret verses? The Quran said you must beat your wife. What are you talking about? Subhan Allah. Do you know when you have a problem and a matter with your wife? What are the first steps? You don't even know. You haven't even learnt. But we just read the verse on our own and said hey, you know what, the translation of this is according to this. Hang on, relax. Take it easy. I know of a case where the man wanted to punch his wife and the wife finished the husband up completely. And then he came with blue eyes saying I didn't know my wife was a boxer. You see it says knowledge box. Watch out, she'll put you on a box. She'll put you in the box. You cannot maltreat your spouse. Never, not at all. Make sure that you understand. You have a problem speak, talk to her. Use your mind, your brain. Convince her. Some means and if she has a problem with you the same applies. She needs to talk to you. And this is a mistake some women make. Like I told you at the beginning, some women prefer to remain silent. Just to pray to Allah perhaps. Don't ever reveal your problems to someone online. Never ever. It's the biggest mistake you could make. You're sitting behind a screen and someone says oh, very bad husband. They advise you wrong. They want to steal your heart at the time when you are on a low. No ways. They are perhaps worse than your spouse. You confiding in someone. You say no, I can confide in them because they don't know me. Trust me. They know your exact location, your name and everything. Trust me. You never ever turn to an anonymous person for help online. And on your phone. They can blackmail you. They can cheat you. They can give you bad advice. And the worst of friends are those who give you advice that is wrong. And they know it's wrong. Subhan Allah. سو this is what happens sometimes. A person goes to someone for advice and that person is wrong. They tell you. You say you know what? Today my husband really he raised his voice and he was quite upset. No, fix him. Go home. Tell him I'm not talking to you for one month. Well, you walked out for a month. He tried speaking to you. You didn't because you followed the wrong advice. And you didn't speak to him. Not one day, two days, five days. He found someone else to speak to after one week. And then you come back a month later thinking your problem is solved. But now there's a third party involved. Allahu Akbar. And then the person who advised you they run away. They run away. What happened? Oh, I don't know. Your marriage broke. I'm very sorry. But your husband was a very bad man. But he's living happily ever after with someone else. We could have done it. But we didn't because we got advice from the wrong person. So when something goes wrong, seek advice from those who will tell you my sister mend it. Try to make it work. See how it goes. Don't worry. Let it try again and so on. You've tried it again. If it is oppression extreme, you might want out. No problem. Like I'm saying, we need to balance the statement here. There are cases and incidents where there is oppression on either side. There is incompatibility beyond repair. So divorce is permissible as a last resort. Yes indeed. But it's not just something that you throw just because you didn't get a hundred dollars when someone else got a hundred dollars. Allahu Akbar. Sometimes, you know, you find a spouse would perhaps buy a gift for someone. Give someone and you say, but what about me? Where's mine? I don't want. You know, Valentine's Day for us is every day of the year. Valentine's Day. Every day of the year meaning we don't mean Valentine and so on. But expressing love should not just be on a certain day. But I know of Muslims whose marriages have broken because the husband did not bring a rose or a flower or a gift for the wife. On the day of Valentine's. Muslims. Marriage broken. Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day. I want out. I want out. All my friends got flowers. I didn't get anything. I want out. Finish back. How am I going to show face to my friends? My sister, you don't need to show face. A marriage that works is not a marriage that is displayed on Facebook. A lot of those are actually not working. That's why they have to show it on Facebook. If yours is working, you're busy working it. You're not busy on the net. So people want to put all my husband and I and you're hugging and you're kissing and the pictures up. The evil eye is the truth. It happens. It comes. You want to show everyone how delighted you are tomorrow broken. What happened? Everyone was saying what a couple. They're getting along so well. People forget Allah's name and so next thing you're busy fighting and you don't know. And everyone says this marriage was made in heaven. Even the marriage is made in heaven break. Why do you have to show? Why do you have to say oh my beloved husband and speak to the globe. Tell your husband that. Subhan Allah. Tell your wife that. So this is why we say I know of another marriage that broke because the wife suspected the man of giving her flowers that were supposedly from someone else. How's that? So here comes the day of Valentine's and the flowers came. I told you the flowers are supposed to come anytime. Not only when you go to the graveyard. Sorry. I need to explain myself. You know at the graveyard you get these roses on people's graves sometimes the people put. You know we in Islam were not supposed to be doing that. You'd rather make it to half of the deceased than to do that. But some people when they go to the graveyard and they are standing there they see a rose. That's good for my wife. Take it. So the only time they get roses you know. One woman says every time my husband gives me a rose I've got to ask him did you pass by the graveyard. So the reality here is there was a case and this happens and I'm talking about it because it's connected to the knot. There was a case where a man says he came with the flowers. The flowers are presented. Now there's another problem. What's it? Where did you get these from? Who sent them to you? How did you bring them here? If I don't bring them there's a problem. If I bring them there's a problem. What do I do? May Allah help us really learn to appreciate. Like I said you don't need to probe every detail. If you are kind and good towards your spouse and you give them time and you look at them often. Trust me the love will increase. If you are kind and good to your spouse and you have good words to say. You have time for them. You look at them often. You talk to them often with good words. Trust me the love will increase. You look at them often with good words.