 This video is harder than any other video I've done on depression anxiety. I feel like for people to admit That they need friends is a way more awkward and surreal and difficult thing to admit than I deal with depression and Anxiety the stigma and embarrassment is real When you say you don't have friends and it hurts Like hell to realize that and if you're realizing that now and you you know avoiding that kind of thought Just take a breath real quick Because you have time and we're gonna talk about this from a very real perspective in my own experience dealing with that Because there is a reason Why you might not have friends or why you want more and don't have as many as you'd like or you have friends But they're what I like to call fringe friends. They're not really on the green with you They're kind of those who who come to the bachelor party, but not the wedding It took me a long time to realize how important people were Okay, when I was diagnosed with depression years and years ago. I did everything Right, I did the Omega 3's St. John's wort tried that b12 vitamins exercise regime CBT sheets All like everything you could think of I was on it. I thought of the biological factors I thought of my mind. I thought of the psychological factors right doing the CBT changing my thought process. I Didn't think of the social factors my friends. I didn't I didn't think that People and my relationships could really affect Depression something that was so in my head and in my body. I thought how could having someone else? Not even to talk to about mental health, but how could having someone by my side to hang out with to share experiences with? How could that help? But it does and it did to this day Having friends is something that that has helped me so so much and I did a video about that before but I really want to talk about maybe you Because I did a poll on our community tab on YouTube about I asked the question. Do you have at least one really good friend and a good amount of people said no they don't have any and It hurts that hurts me That hurts me to know that there are people out there that Need friends that deserve friends and they don't have anyone So I think the reason why if you're watching this you have no friends. I think one thing I can say with complete certainty is that You don't think you deserve friends You don't think that you can offer anything to someone else Am I right about that at least partially? You might be thinking why would anyone want to be my friend? Maybe I'm boring. Maybe I'm not interesting. I'm not funny I'm too quiet I'm gonna go out with a group of friends. I'm gonna be the quiet one. No one's going to think I'm funny They're not gonna want to hang out with me. I'm offering nothing That's so wrong That way of thinking is wrong You do have something to offer other people Because guess what okay? You go with a group of people. I go with a group of people There are the loud ones They're there the funny ones. They're the expressive ones. I don't want that all the time. I Want someone maybe as you describe yourself. There should be someone in that group that is maybe the quieter one That offers something different Not telling jokes all the time not drinking Someone that can honestly just have a fun conversation or even just someone to sit with in silence and observe the world Around me and around you You think that you're not needed but people need you just as much as you need them You think you're the lonely one with no friends There's clearly millions and millions of people that are in your position Who want someone and need someone just as much as you do in the United States and Canada more people are living alone than ever before People need connection. It's so simple, right? The reason I think you don't have any friends And the reason I thought I didn't have friends was because I didn't think I was offering anything worth Having a friend for Why would I need a friend when I'm not worthy of friendship? Why would I have a friend if I'm not worthy of love and I don't love myself a Simple message to you would just be to tell you that you are worthy of love You are worthy of friendship and you can offer something that No one else can offer. I'm gonna do another video after Seeing if you all who are watching think like I do Because I'm not only the jokie expressive one and the one with the dirty jokes and everything I'm also the one who sits quietly and Watches the world go by and questions the universe. I want to know if you have that kind of mind, too And if you do well every group of people needs you if you're the expressive one Every group needs you if you're the quiet one every group needs you if you're the artistic one every group needs you if You're the deep thinker every group needs you if you're the shy one every group needs you if you're the dirty one Every group needs you If you're the musician every group needs you If you're the one who loves food and eating every group needs you people need you Just as much as you need them Now the second reason why you might not have any friends and this goes to me, too And this is a very difficult and awkward conversation to have and this is by no means judging anyone with no friends because I Understand and I've been there but the reason that I think I didn't have any close meaningful connections for so long is because It's awkward to say and you may be in the same boat that I thought I was better than everyone else So I thought people weren't deserving of my connection They didn't deserve me because I was ethical I was empathetic I was intelligent I knew a lot about a lot of topics I was environmentally sustainable And I didn't think people were good enough for me What happens is when you go through depression well, you realize that judgment Is is a necessary part of life, but it serves no purpose when trying to connect with people And when you put the judgment aside and you really think of okay I'm really no better than anyone else and we all bear our own cross and we all are going through things and we all have very Difficult pass and are suffering through something at any given moment Sorry the battery just died When you when you realize people are can be suffering at any given moment and we don't know what people are going through well that adds some It really made me very humble to the fact that in most ways I am no better than anyone else and Believe it or not even though we see the news and we see people doing terrible things and Seeing polarized cultures right and left up and down a Lot of the time we're doing the best we can with what we know So there's two reasons why you might not have any friends one is you don't think you deserve love and Two might mean you don't think other people deserve your awesomeness and both are wrong Both are wrong The reason you may not have friends are for those two now. How do you actually gain? Friends this is hard, especially as you get older like I'm 30 now And I was at this at this conference speaking about loneliness and depression and social media and It was like how as you get older maybe you're graduated through school, right? It's easy to make friends in school easier because it's like oh you're in the same class and you see them every day And then you have Homework together etc etc, but as you get older when you have your work friends, but that's maybe not meaningful connection How do you make friend friends? How do you make real close connections? Well, you can connect on a few different levels one is through your suffering which works sometimes but not all the time but People with similar values as you That's really a way to connect people with similar interests You know, there's that site meetup.com. I use that a few times I went to a few Star Trek screenings and met a whole bunch of cool people Another way is actually This is how you know people are craving connection bumble the dating app has a best friend Option instead of swiping for a bang at a bang You swipe for a friend to hang out with and do things with join clubs Sports is a great way sports say what you will about sports and and fat guys and beers and nachos watching football It's one way, but actually joining and playing something together with a team. That's huge That's a great way to have a connection, right? So there's a bunch of things we can do in person But having the mindset first guys having the mindset first that that a you are no better than anyone else But also so importantly is that that person whether you not they think they're popular They already have a million friends. They're looking for connection just as much as you are So you can take the first step in knowing that they're going to be grateful that you Asked about them asked to do something after work. They're all looking for something People are getting tired of Netflix going home to their condos and houses and watching TV alone People want to get out there people want to connect people want to have conversations You can be the one to start that Because they deserve love you deserve love they deserve friendship you deserve friendship. We all need each other man The world of of being connected Through social media is one thing and it's done wonders, but it's also about About understanding real-life connection to both can work wonders Now a quick plug No pressure at all, but in the description You can join our online community if you're looking for a friend if you're looking for people all over the world Maybe even in your own community We have a bunch of people online on our online community through patreon and we talk about music We have mental health resources. We just have an open chat room sharing pictures sharing art Sharing what's going on in our lives and I've actually met a few of these people in real life Which is the coolest part? We met online through our online community and then they came to Toronto and I hung out with them We went to video games video game bars. Hi Corinne Scott came over and oh my gosh We had a good time and hopefully I see him again soon same as Corinne There's gonna be a few other people popping by the city But if you can connect with people online, right use that platform to then meet them online Meet them where they're at and then take that offline. That's a really cool part So if you're looking for a community Check out patreon.com slash depression to expression join our live streams join our conversations But listen everyone Don't be too hard on yourself either. It's hard to meet people. It really is But it's so worth it when you do Especially knowing that they're getting a lot out of knowing you because you have something different to offer Stay strong keep being you and don't forget to express yourself. Bye