 It was a cold and rainy day in Fantasyland, and there I was, minding my own business by the campfire, when out of the blue this villager dude comes up to me and asks, Hey, you're a hero, aren't you? Like a liar, I respond, Yes, of course I am! And this villager tells me of a predicament he's having, where he'd like to get from one end of the town to the other. But the night is dark and full of terror, so he wants me to go with him, because of all the people sitting at this campfire, the twink with the short sword was the optimal bodyguard. Not wanting to turn a fan down, I agree, but I grab some tea and a bagel on my way out because heroism is hungry work. We get going, and right out of the gate, the villager stops and asks me if I can take the lead, so that if any monsters show up, I'll take the hits instead, you know, being a hero and all. I responded with, No, I don't think I will, but I'll let you take the lead so that if any monsters show up, your dying screams will give me time to come up with a plan, you know, being a hero and all. He concedes my point, but in my head, a tiny little lightbulb starts to glow. The journey continues, and along the way, we come across another adventurer. I'll name him Jeff. Jeff asks where we're going, I say that way, and he's going that way too, so I offer him a bagel, and we all walk together. As we're going, I notice the villager guy is stopping every few seconds at every puddle and twig in our path, making it harder to keep him in front of us, and that little lightbulb starts to glow a little brighter. I consider telling Jeff about my theory, but he's a smart boy, he'll figure it out. We're about to reach the end of our journey, when the villager guy spots something behind a house. Like a hero, Jeff turns to investigate. But, like a smart man, I instead turn directly to the villager, just in time to watch as he pulls out a knife, sticks it in Jeff's shoulder blade, and my lightbulb glows completely bright as I realize, oh my god, I'm a genius. I don't see Jeff fall, I don't see the blood on the knife. All I see is the audacity of this bitch, as he then turns to me, swipes his knife, and knocks the bagel right out of my hand. The following battle was furious, lightning uproarious, but in the end, I stood in the rain and mud with vengeance over my lost pastry. One walk to the cleric's house later, I dumped Jeff's body and said, fix this, then made the long pilgrimage back to my campfire to find another snack. And that's how I rescued my friend from an assassin. Oh, I'm bleeding out, so with the last thing that I do, I'll just bring you down, I'll bleed out for you.