 In just 20 seconds, the Jack Benny show. And speaking of shows, the biggest show on Broadway is Quo Vadis. Quo Vadis is the drama of the world's most wicked empire. The love story of a pagan soldier and a beautiful slave girl. See MGM's Quo Vadis in magnificent Technicolor. Continuous performances at the capitol. Reserved seats at the Aster. WCBS AM and FM New York. The Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike. Lucky, Lucky, Lucky, Lucky, Lucky, Lucky, Lucky, Lucky We happy, go Lucky We happy, get better taste We happy, go Lucky Get better taste today Lucky's taste better. Friends, L-S-M-F-T. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. Fine, mild, good tasting tobacco. There's no substitute for fine tobacco and don't let anybody tell you different. Yes, Lucky's taste better. Because their fine, mild, good tasting tobacco goes into the cigarette, prove the best made of all five principal brands. Let me repeat that. Prove the best made of all five principal brands. That's not an empty claim. That's a fact. Verified by leading laboratory consultants. For example, Proling and Robertson of Richmond, Virginia, who report it is our conclusion that Lucky Strike is the best made of these five major brands. So don't be misled by double talk. Remember the facts. Enjoy fine, mild, good tasting tobacco in the cigarette that tastes better, Lucky Strike. So mild, so smooth, so firm and fresh with better taste in every puff. When you buy cigarettes, remember, Lucky's taste better. And right now, Lucky's are available in bright festive Christmas cartons. So this year, make it a happy, go Lucky Christmas. Give all your friends Christmas cartons of Lucky Strike, the cigarette that tastes better. Be happy, go Lucky, go Lucky Strike today. Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston Solaris, Rochester, Dennis Day and yours truly down low. Gentlemen, Christmas is just two days away. So let's go out to Jack Benny's home in Beverly Hills where we find Jack and Rochester busily trimming the tree. Jingle bells, those works once a year, but I work every day. Rochester, look at if you're just going to stand there singing, we'll never get this tree decorated. Give me another ornament, will you please? Yes, sir. Here you are. Thanks. I think I'll put this one right here. That's pretty. Now give me another one, will you Rochester? Yes, sir. Here you are. Thank you. Now I'll put this one on this branch. Just a few more will be finished. Rochester, this time give me a big one. Coming up. Here you are. Oh boy, this is really a big one. I think I'll hang this one up near the... Oh, darn it, I broke it. I try to handle it so gently. Boys, next year why don't you buy one of them instead of having me blow them out of bubblegum? Never mind. Now Rochester, I better put this star on top of the tree and then we'll all... I can't reach the top of it. I'll run out to the garage and get the ladder. No, no, that'll take too much time. The gang will be here any minute. I want this tree finished. I know what, you bend over and I'll stand on your back. Okay. Like this? Yeah. Now hold still while I get up on your back. There. Now hold still, Rochester. Now I'll reach up and put the star right up on... Coming! Rochester! My goodness boss! Boss, are you hurt? Rochester, you knew I was standing on your back. Why did... why did you move? It's your own fault. My fault? Yeah, you worked me like a fire horse and when I hear a bell, I gotta go. Fire horse. Hello? No, I'm sorry. Who was that? Paul's alarm. Now Rochester, I want to put this star up on the top of the tree. So will you please try... You better answer the door first. Yes, sir. Rochester, Merry Christmas. Oh and a Merry Christmas to you, gentlemen Sliviston. Come on in. Hello Jack. Have any of the other... Hold it, Merry. Hold it. Don't move. Why? You're under the mistletoe. Here I come. How was that, Merry? Merry, where are you? I'm over here. You kissed the bridge lamp. What? You always close your eyes too soon. Of course I closed my eyes. I was being romantic. Romantic? Yeah. What are you laughing at? When you came at me with your lips puckered up, you looked like the super chief whistling at a crossing. Super chief, super chief. Some joke. I'm only kidding, Jack. What about these presents I brought? Where shall I put them? Oh presents, huh? Well, let's go in the living room and put them under the tree. Rochester, what are you doing? I'm putting snow on the branches. Oh good, good. Well, Merry, how do you like my Christmas tree? Oh, Jack, it's beautiful. And I've never seen such unusual ornaments. Yes, they are, aren't they? You know, but this one should be moved a little towards... Jack, the ornament exploded and all I did was touch it like... There goes another one. I heard it. I heard it. You and your sharp fingernails. Chester, what are you doing? I'm blowing replacements. That's good, Rochester. Jack, everybody will be here soon. Help me put my gifts around the tree. Okay, Rochester, run upstairs and bring mine, too, will you? Yes, sir. Well, Merry, you certainly brought enough packages. You're not kidding. To get them over here, I thought I'd have to get a wheelbarrow. A wheelbarrow? Oh, say, that reminds me, Merry, of a wonderful story that's going around. It's so funny. I gotta tell it to you. Listen to this, Merry. There was a man who was working at the place where they make the atomic bombs in Oak Ridge, Tennessee. And as you know, everything they do there is top-secret, see? And one day at quitting time, this man was going through the gate, pushing a wheelbarrow filled with excelsior, see? When the guard all... Excuse me. Package for Mr. Benny. I'll take it, boy. Yes, sir. Sign right here. Certainly. There. Thank you. Just a minute, boy. Here's a tip for you. Thank you. Merry, look at this beautiful package. It just came in. Isn't it? Boy, you can go. Aren't you gonna open it? What? The package. Please, please open it. Why should I open it? You gotta. I can't stand it any longer. For two weeks now, without a day off, I'm delivering Christmas packages. Big ones, little ones, green ones, red ones, blue ones, white ones. Little boys. I keep trying to guess what's in these packages? The big ones, the small ones, the green ones, the red ones. Boy, take it easy. I can't help it. At night when I get home, I can't eat. I can't sleep. I keep thinking, thinking, thinking. What's in these packages? The red ones, the green ones, the big ones. It's driving me nuts. Look, fellow. Please, please open it. Why? All right. I'll open it. He's gonna open it. He's gonna open it. He's gonna open it. I'm here. Well, control yourself. I'm opening it. I'm opening it. There. There, it's open. It's from my brother-in-law, Leonard Fenchel. I don't care who it's from. What is it? What is it? Here it is. See? Oh, goody, goody. That's it, that's it. Oh, no, I can sleep tonight. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to know and take a circuit day. It takes so little to make some people happy. Now, Mary, where was I? You were telling me a story about a fellow with a wheelbarrow. Oh, yes. As I told you, everything is top secret at the atomic plant in Oak Ridge. So when this fella came through the gate with a wheelbarrow full of Excelsior, he at least noticed that... Oh, for heaven's sakes, these interruptions. Excuse me, Mary. Oh, hello, Don. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas to you, Jack. Don, how come you brought the sportsman quartet over? We're not rehearsing. Well, they have some packages they want to put under your tree. Oh, well, come on in, boys. Merry Christmas, Don. Same to you, Mary. You too, Rochester. Merry Christmas, Mr. Wilson. Hey, Jack, I've never seen such a beautifully decorated tree. Well, thanks, Don. Say, what's that package you have in your pocket there? Oh, that's a present for my wife. Oh, oh, what is it? Well, it's something very unusual. She'd be crazy about it. Well, what is it, Don? What is it? Well, Jack, we have a family album at home and in it are several pictures of me when I was in college and high school, grammar school. And my wife asked me so many times for a baby picture. Oh, that's cute. Say, Don, did you have one of those baby pictures, you know, where you're new, lying on a bare skin rug? No, so I went down this morning and had one taken. Don, this morning you... you had a... Oh, well, it'll make a beautiful calendar. Anyway, Don, when you came in, I was telling Mary a story about a fellow who worked in the atomic plant at Oak Ridge, Tennessee. And each night, this fellow would go through the gate with a wheelbarrow filled with... Jack, Jack, I hate to interrupt. It's such an interesting story, but the quartet has to leave. Oh, oh, so on, fellas, Merry Christmas. So the security police knew that the man was stealing something. So they examined the excelsior, but they couldn't find anything, so they let him pass. See, the next night this man came through... Listen, listen, better watch out, because I'm trying to tell a story. I mean, you don't have to sing to me. Then I want to tell a story. He's making a list and checking it twice. Going to find out who's naughty or nice. Santa Claus is coming to town. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been better good, so be good for goodness sake. Oh, you better watch out. You better not cry. Listen now, Jack, we're telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town. With plenty of luck, he's right on his back. A card more to poor Mary and Jack. Santa Claus is coming to town. And you can be sure that Santa is glad. Bringing those luckies to mother and dad. Santa Claus is coming to town. He knows that lucky strikes are milder. That is true. He also knows they're round and firm. And it's so much better tasting to be happy. Though lucky, better start now. Open a pack, we're telling you how. Santa Claus is coming to town. Listen, listen, listen, listen. Santa Claus is coming to town. That was very good, fellas. You can go now. So the security police once again took the excelsior out of the wheelbarrow. And this time, they really examined it. But, well, for heaven's sake, come in. Hiya, kids. Merry Christmas. Well, Mary Jackson, that's a nice tree you got this year. Well, thanks. Have you decorated yours, Phil? Yeah, Livy, and you ought to see it. It's in the corner of the living room, and it's got a big gold star on the top and it's loaded down with lights and tinsel. And then in the den, we've got all of our presents laid out. In the den, why don't you have the presents under the tree? Oh, there's no room there. No room? Well, what's under the tree? My orchestra. We had a party last night. Phil. Phil. You mean all your musicians are lying under the tree? Well, I'll accept Bagby. He's sitting there playing a piano. Oh, gee, you must be proud of him. I would be if we had a piano. Phil, let me ask you something. Phil, if your boys had a party last night, how come you're in such good condition? I'm on a wagon, Dad. Don't you know that I didn't take a drink during the entire month of December? Why not? I promised my eyes a white Christmas. Now, let's give you for a present. Oh, I won't know that on Christmas, but I got her something beautiful, Liv. She's really going to get a kick out of it. I called up and ordered an encyclopedia Britannica. Encyclopedia Britannica? That's a strange gift for you to think of. A set of books. Books? Holy smoke, I thought it was one of them foreign cards. How could you be so ignorant, mistaking the encyclopedia Britannica? Mary, Mary, leave him alone. That's a natural mistake. Anyone could have made it. Now, Phil, I'd like to ask you something. Well, do, Jackson, do. Well, it's about that package you have under your arm. If it's a present for me, give it to me already. If it's not, tell me so I can stop being nice to you. Hey, I'm glad you reminded me, Jackson, because it is for you. Well, good, good. Put it under the tree. No, no, no. Open it now. Well, if you insist. Oh, Phil. Phil, thank you very much. You're welcome, Jackson. I figured an oil painting would go swell in your den. Well, it's really beautiful. But what is it? It's a picture of the sun rising over the downtown branch of the California bank. Oh, hang it between the pictures of my sponsor and Mr. Paley. You know, it looks so nice. Hey, hello, Polly. Oh, say, kid, I want to show you something I taught Polly to do just for Christmas. Oh, Polly. Now, Polly, Polly, recite the poem Daddy taught you. Now, come on, Polly. Twas the night. Come on. Twas the night. Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house. Go on, go on. Not a creature with story. Not even a... Come on, Polly. Not even a... Not even a what? Not even a... M-O-U-S-E. Moose. Stupid parrot. Before you came in, I was telling the most wonderful story about a man and a wheelbarrow. I knew it, I knew it. Come in. Hey, Mr. Kid. I was brought by to tell you I saw your television show last Sunday and I enjoyed it to my heart's contentment. Well, thank you, Mr. Kid. The whole program was wonderful, but that French girl you had on with you was something special. Oh, you mean that little French girl or that Helene Francois? Yeah, she was so beautiful and what a figure. Like they say in French, you're the most beautiful of all. What does that mean? Well, Mr. Kid, if you like her so much, I got news for you. What? Helene Francois is going to be a guest on my radio program next week. Oh, Mr. Binney, how I would love to see her in person. Could you get me a ticket? I think so. In fact, I'll try to get you two tickets so you can take your wife along. Try real hard and just get one. I see what you mean. I'm glad that I got anything against my wife. Bless her. In fact, for a Christmas present she needed me this tie I'm wearing. Say that's a very pretty tie, Mr. Kitzel. Oh, this is not all. Wait till I unbutton my jacket. Now look. Oh, she even needed a belt to match the tie. It's still the tie. She didn't know when to start. Mr. Kitzel, you're joking. Oh, my... Binney, I just wanted to wish everybody a merry Christmas and a happy new year. Well, thank you, Mr. Kitzel. Merry Kitzel. Now, let's see. What was I doing before Mr. Kitzel came in? You were in the middle of a joke. Yeah, that's right, Jackson. You were telling us an antidote. No, no, Phil, that's anecdote. Antidote. See, I always thought it was antidote. No, no, Phil, it's anecdote. A-N-E-C-D-O-T-E. That, she can spell, but mouse to her is moose. You know, sometimes that bird, well, I hope that's Dennis, then I can tell the story to everybody. Oh, hello, Dennis. Trick or treat. For heaven's sake, Dennis, this is Christmas. Why in the world would you think it's Halloween? I just passed Phil's house, and there are bottles dumped all over the lawn. Dennis, those weren't dumps. Phil had a party, and those are calling cards. Now, come on in. Who is it, Jack? Bernard Baruch. Hello, Dennis. Merry Christmas. Well, Merry Christmas, everybody. Say, Dennis, I was just telling you... Dennis, what happened? Your jaw looks like it's swollen. It is. Why? What's wrong, kid? I had a tooth pull this morning. Aw, that's a shame, Dennis. Was it hurting you? No. Have a cavity in it? No. Then why did you have it pulled? My uncle's a Dennis, and that's what he gave me for Christmas. Well, that's the most stupid thing I ever heard. Letting your uncle pull your tooth. Oh, it's not so stupid. Jack's right, Dennis. How could you let your uncle pull your tooth for a Christmas present? It looks silly in my mouth. Why? He already had a gift wrapped. Hey, are you going to go along with this thing? Jack, this is so fantastic. I've got to find out. All right, it's up to you. Dennis, do you mean that you let your uncle pull one of your teeth every Christmas? Uh-huh. And then I can't wait until my birthday, so he'll pull another one. Well, why? Well, that's how I keep my uppers and lowers even. Look, Dennis. Three more years and you can call me gummy. Dennis, it's Christmas. Why can't you come in here just once a year? Oh, my goodness. Look what I forgot. What? This present here under the tree. It's for Ed, the man who guards my vault. Well, Jack, that's certainly nice of you to remember him. Don, all the years that Ed has been down there, never once have I forgotten him at Christmas. Excuse me, kids. I want to go down there and give him his present. See, it's dark. I can hardly see the bridge across the moat. Oh, there it is. The moat looks empty without the alligator. I'll have to get another one. Mary had to have a purse for Christmas. When you say I beg your pardon, then I'll come back to you. That's right, Ed. Well, I'll light a candle so you can see the combination on the safe. Oh, no, no, Ed. I'm not down here to open the safe. You're not? No. No, I brought you your present. Oh, happy birthday to me. Happy birthday. No, no, no, no, Ed. No, it's, uh, it's Christmas. Christmas? How time flies. Go ahead, Ed. Go ahead. Open your present. I will. There you are, Ed. Do you like it? Oh, just what I've always wanted. A kite. I like it. Gee. And string, too. Merry Christmas. You're welcome. So long, Ed. Goodbye. Oh, oh, Ed. Yes, Mr. Benny? I got the most wonderful joke to tell you. I hope you haven't heard it before. Down here? Oh, I forgot. Well, anyway, Ed, it seems that a man was working at the Oak Ridge atomic plant when one night he walked out past the guard with a wheelbarrow filled with Excelsior. Now, the guard inspected the Excelsior and found nothing in it, so he let him pass. The next night the same man came along and again he was pushing a wheelbarrow filled with Excelsior, but this time the guard was very suspicious, so he checked the Excelsior carefully and still couldn't find anything. This kept happening for 10 days till the guard was nearly crazy because he knew the man was stealing something and he couldn't find out what. So the next night when the man came out with a wheelbarrow filled with Excelsior, the guard stopped him, took him in a room and said, now look, we know you're stealing something. If you'll tell us what it is, we promise you we won't arrest you or punish you. Now, what is it you're stealing? And the man said, wheelbarrows. I don't get it. Oh, of course, not silly me, I forgot. You've been down here so long, you don't even know what an atomic plant is. I don't even know what a wheelbarrow is. Well, Merry Christmas, Ed. Merry Christmas. Jack, you took so long, we're all waiting for you. Waiting, where is everybody? In the next room, they're all gathered around the piano. Dennis is going to sing some Christmas carols. Oh, good, let's go in and listen. To sponsor my entire cast, I want to wish everybody a very merry Christmas. This is the CBS radio network. Stay tuned for Amos and Andy.