 My name is Liza Michaud. I'm from Fort Fairfield and I recover loud. Hi, welcome to another episode of Recover Loud. I'm your host Mike Paddleford and I recover loud. This show first started with the hopes that we could help end the stigma of substance use disorder and try to help to save some lives. Need to make a change, advocate to change the laws through the people that it's not insane. When you stand behind a cause, I'm here to speak about the pain. Recover Loud to normalize the disease that's been killing all my friends and my family. The time is now to let it all go and recover loud. The benefit is healthy people, family and friends that never have to overdose. Ever again, never have to plead out to a lesser defense. I'm proud to say that I recover loud. I never thought I could, but I'm so proud that I discovered how to live my life again, controlling my own destiny. I needed recovery. I still needed desperately. Addiction never defined my identity. I recover loud, here to tell my own story. I recover proud, save a life of like 40. I recover loud, yeah. I recover loud. I recover loud, yeah. I recover loud. I recover loud, here to tell my own story. I recover proud, save a life of like 40. I recover loud, yeah. I recover loud. I recover loud, yeah. I recover loud. I recover, I recover loud. I recover, I recover loud. I recover, I recover loud. I recover, I recover loud. Welcome to this season of Recover Loud. Tonight's guest is Liza Michele. Liza, welcome to the show. sharing your story with us. Can you tell us a little bit about where you're from, what it was like growing up for you? I grew up in Urusa County, born and raised in Fort Fairfield. I grew up with one brother. We lived with our mom until I was seven, and then our grandmother raised us until I was a teenager. I lived here, grew up here, went to school here. When I turned 18, I left as soon as I could and had it off to college. My life, I would say, was pretty good. I mean, we had a good family life. We did what we wanted, you know, we didn't go without. So, yeah, it was good. Did you graduate from Fort Fairfield? I did. I graduated from Fort Fairfield High School 2007. And what college did you go to? So I went to Hester College in Manchester, New Hampshire. I stayed there for about four years. I got one degree, tried to get a second, and then I ended up dropping out and moving home. So at some point in there, you started using some substances? I did. So at the age of 13, I was prescribed some painkillers. I had a couple of things. I had wisdom teeth out. I had my tonsils out all within a year. So I had three different instances where I was getting prescribed painkillers at a young age. And this was the time they were starting to roll out heavy for doctors to prescribe them to people. And I just happened to be part of that. So that's where it started. I got the painkillers and it felt good. So I started abusing them. Did you start abusing right away? So maybe after the first or second script, I was like, Oh, this is fun. And then a couple of my friends, older friends, were like, Oh, you know, you should try to snort it. So we were snorting hydros and viking and stuff like that. Probably by the age of 14. And you said all of your friends are doing were most of them your age or most of them older? Most of them were my age. Yeah, we only had a couple of older friends. And at the time we were all doing it together. Luckily, most of them, it was just a phase. And one other friend of mine wasn't addict like me. So luckily, most of them didn't go down the path that I went down. Yeah. So what was it that that you enjoyed about it? What did it do for you? It made me feel numb. You know, made me feel like I didn't, you know, have a care in the world or things that matter. You could just have fun and relax and, you know, go about your day and not worry about school or your drama at home, things like that. And I was just going to ask, what kinds of things did you have to actually worry about at 13? I mean, really, being bullied, I was bullied a lot in school for being overweight. I was also like a emo into God stuff when I was younger. So I'd get bullied a lot and just growing up with my grandmother and my parents weren't really in the picture. That was another thing that I got bullied, you know, bullied for a lot. So that was a big one for me being bullied. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, just trying to fit in and, you know, have fun with your friends. Exactly. Have fun, not worry and fit in and try to be cool, I guess. And at what point were you using so much that you didn't feel you could stop? So I went on with the painkillers probably all through high school and that was pretty normal, like, partying, drinking with the pills is when I went to college. I discovered other things and that's when it kind of, I would say, got out of hand. Yeah. So you've said you completed one degree? I did, yep. And what degree is that? So I got an associate's in graphic design. So I did that for two years and then I started on my bachelor's in business when I was in Manchester at Hesser and I only have less than a year left but I was so bad into my heroin addiction that I just couldn't do it anymore. So I dropped out, moved back to Roosa County. Yeah. Now were you doing heroin that first degree that you were? No, I mean, I just started discovering it and I wasn't really, it was kind of like a here and there type of thing, not an everyday type of thing. So what was it like when you came home having that addiction already? It was rough. So I moved home and I thought that I would try to get sober. So I got on methadone and unfortunately I ended up abusing those for a long time, probably two years after that. So I would say that was almost just as bad, if not worse than the heroin detox wise and things like that. So I tried but people places and things, I moved home, my friends were here, the pills were there. So it was easy. Yeah and just to speak on methadone as a path to recovery, I mean these medications are intended to help. Right. They are abusing. Yeah. But in conjunction with the program, counseling, support, people can be successful. Absolutely. A lot of times people, they are successful but then there's those times where people just can't get away from meatic behavior. Exactly. That mentality. Yeah. So what happened next? You left the stage for rehab? So then, yep, I was around back in here for maybe two years on the methadone, abusing the methadone and I decided my family sort of had an intervention which I'm thankful for and they basically sat me down and said that they weren't going to help me anymore if I didn't help myself. So my grandmother lived in Cocoa, Florida. She worked at a rehab. They were willing to take me in. So I just made the decision to just go ahead and do it. I was scared. I went back and forth with it a lot but I just said, you know what, you need to make a change. So here's your chance. Yeah. So I did. So just to touch on, again, the time you were on methadone. Yeah. How serious were you about recovery? I'm probably not very serious. I would go to a couple of meetings here and there just to make it look good, like to people on the outside. You know, I'm trying to fool but in my mind, I wasn't ready to get sober. Yeah. You know, I was still wanting to party. I still like the chaos. I still like running around and chasing people and all that. So I wasn't ready. So when you went to Florida, you were finally ready? I think so. I was ready. I was ready. I was going to be at that point. So I went to inpatient rehab. I flew down. I spent the night with my grandmother and directly that next day. They took me for intake. Luckily, I didn't have to go to T-talks, which was nice. They let me come right in. So I ended up staying inpatient rehab for 10 months. It was great. The people there were awesome. This whole routine and the structure worked really well for me in my recovery. Yeah. So I stayed there for 10 months. I got out and I was sober for maybe three months after that. My grandmother passed away up here in Maine. I was stuck in Florida and unfortunately I relapsed in Florida. Yeah. Now, before you came back to Maine and while you were still in that inpatient rehab, do you remember what that experience was like as far as what it was that was helping you? Just having a structure, a time set, a routine. You have to get up at 8 o'clock. You need to make your bed by 8.30. You need to go have group breakfast by 9. Have a meeting by 10. You know, you go out and work. You have to be home by 5. You have to go to two meetings a week. Just basically them telling me what to do and when to do it. Me not having to think for myself. I think in that early recovery really helped me a lot. And then all the people in the togetherness, all the different people having to come together I think was really helped me. Yeah, exactly. I think that helped me too because I know for me I didn't know how to live. It was get up every morning, get high if I could. And if I was able to get high, it was what can I do today so that I make sure I'm high tonight? Exactly. And so that was dictating my life. My choices were how am I going to get high, when am I going to be able to get high, and what am I going to do to get high. So it was the same for me in rehab. Having the ability to learn how to live each day. Exactly. And understanding that the chaos isn't really what we need for normal living. I found out later on in my recovery that so-called normal living is someone boring. Sitting at home, having dinner with the family, watching TV, giving the kids baths, whatever it is, and going to bed. We don't need to stay up until two in the morning. We don't need to be exciting right up until the time we go to bed. So yeah, I'm glad you touched on that because that was something that really helped me just knowing what to do each day. Exactly, what you have to do or what you're expected to do. That's to be a functioning human. Right. And before that I know I was a functioning animal. Yeah, exactly. Same. And a lot of the times I thought that I hated from people. When I did get a job, of course nobody suspected I was going to the bathroom and abusing medications. Right. But just in the end I found out I really wasn't happy because the weight loss, the eyes, there were so many things, so many tells that people just didn't talk about you know. But in the end you know basically I wasn't. Right, by yourself. Right. Liza Michele. Liza, before the break we were talking about your inpatient stay in Florida. Relapse because of your grandpa's death or how did that play into your life? Yeah, I definitely did. So I wasn't able to make it back to Maine when she was sick or for her funeral and everything because I was still in a program. So just that and her passing, that is that is why I relapsed. That was the sole reason. Did you find that the substances on the street were different? Yeah, so before I went to rehab I was using heroin to my knowledge just straight regular heroin and then after my sobriety getting out of rehab and relapsing everything was cut with fentanyl if not pure fentanyl. It was hard to tell really but there was a lot of fentanyl going around so it was totally different, high, a lot more dangerous and you just didn't know what you were giving. Yeah, yeah and you know my experience was you know when I was using things started to switch over and it wasn't something that I knew about or something that I even chose it was just kind of you know when I went to pick up it was something different. Yeah and you know I noticed pretty quick the difference that it did to me and the harder it was when I was getting sick you know the difference. Absolutely. How quick I got sick and to what extent I was getting sick. So how long did that period of recurrence? So the relapse I used for about two years after that I was still in Florida at that time and I was using primarily fentanyl a little bit of heroin so that lasted two years I experienced homelessness multiple times and then I was jobless I had my car repoed you know I literally lost everything including myself during that two year period. Yeah. So had you ever been homeless before? I had at one point in New Hampshire but just briefly it wasn't for any period of time like it wasn't in Florida. Yeah. How about incarceration? Did you get arrested? I did so at the end of that two years the last three months of my using I got arrested three times in those three months I got arrested with fentanyl um I got a couple of felonies I got distribution um possession and then I got grand theft petty theft so I ended up staying the third time they wouldn't let me out so I stayed incarcerated for a year um which saved my life that was the best thing that could have ever happened to me so um it was great. Now how did you receive treatment while you were in so they didn't they don't offer that in Florida they don't offer any help for addicts um it's basically just good luck to you and hopefully you are okay through your detox and your sobriety yeah so it was rough um that sticks in my mind that detox in solitary confinement um I detoxed for almost 30 days I didn't sleep I was sick it was terrible and I will never it is literally burned into my brain and I never want to feel like that again yeah yeah and is that helping you to stay away from absolutely that um that's always lingering in the back of my mind like I don't want to go through that again it was terrible probably the worst thing um that I ever did go through yeah and see I remember when I was using it was that fear of the detox that kept me using yep you know um because when I was sick it did it felt like that yeah it was terrible yeah um so thankfully you got through that yes you know and now see here in Maine we have you know uh we're a lot more progressive in in our laws um with use when uh people go to jail here uh they can get on in Métis um they are offered programs in good meetings um and I'm noticing you know uh through tiktok and facebook and some of the other platforms that the rest of the country yeah um you know in florida is actually one of the furthest behind that I've seen um so hopefully some of the advocates out there can can help push some of these laws that are that we found here in Maine that helped um you know helped us to to find uh recovery and to actually um feel like we mattered right um you know being locked up and thrown in there saying good luck um you know that that doesn't feel um you feel like it beats the garbage I mean really the punitive system is is uh you know put there for a reason but you know if we can't learn how to live um when we get back out on the streets um it's just gonna put us back in exactly and um you know it's it's just a system that you get caught up in and it doesn't do us any benefit uh it doesn't do the society benefit because they're still paying for us um you know to be locked up and you know if we can learn how to live without using then you know maybe we have a chance of contributing to society absolutely um so when you were homeless in Florida um you know what did that look like um it basically sleeping there's a I mean it's warm down there so there's a lot of places outside to stay there's a lot of homeless people a lot of cams so it's staying with friends or staying on the couch or staying in someone's car staying outside my friend's house out in their lawn or you know and really anywhere that somebody would even let me come and sleep in my car in their driveway or anything like that you know what I mean it's just every day was different so where am I going to stay today or where am I going to go today right right so it's chaotic right so when you're looking at that and how am I going to get high today it's uh exactly you know and um you know you did mention that uh one of your charges was furnishing yes um so you know you did what you had to do to make money so you could provide for yourself right um and a lot of times even when we do that we're not providing ourselves with enough so that we can get an apartment and do this um because everything ends up just enough to get get yourself by yeah yeah um and prison um you know saved you it did it was the best thing that I think could have ever happened to me I didn't see it like that in the beginning I because I was afraid of detox right I mean like us all and um I just wanted to get out and I was nervous I had been arrested twice before but I'd never spent any time more than a day or two in jail I'm from Maine I'm in Florida you know I was nervous and um you know ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me I trained um service dogs with a program called pause and stripes and my boss there miss Faye she actually um she helped me transform my life and she taught me things um that I still use today implemented in my everyday life you know she helped me I would say grow up yeah and um you know it's funny that that was a program that you got into uh last in the first season I interviewed Tyler from Holton um and he's he's still training dogs today um that's awesome and runs purpose pups I did see that recently that's awesome yeah and uh you know they started a program here in Maine where uh University County where they're going to be bringing a service dog into the courthouse I'm glad to hear that yeah to be support for you know some some children or some of the uh you know someone who struggles with mental health disorders um you know so that there's a lot of good work that that people are doing still uh now in recovery had we been thrown away um yeah we wouldn't be out here trying to affect change and helping those those that are still struggling right you know um so what is it you do today to uh you know keep your your path for recovery going um so I um I'm really into my higher power um very spiritual that's a big part of my recovery today um I would say that's probably the biggest part of my recovery spirituality um I also you know I keep myself busy I work um I spend a lot of time with my family I have a few close friends that I spend time with I work out um I just always try to do new things or things I step outside of my comfort zone a lot and try to do things that I'm uncomfortable with in the end I'm usually happy with the results that I did it so this season of recover loud is presented by recovery on the road a Facebook group providing recovery support and resources to anyone anywhere at any time throughout the day if you or someone you know is struggling please connect to recovery on the road on Facebook recovery on the road has been offering in-person meetings here at 46 Sweden street in caribou if you're in the area please stop by grab a calendar and come attend one of the meetings we believe that connection is the opposite of addiction if I could say anything to the addict or alcohol that is still suffering out there tonight um I would say that there is hope for you no matter how far gone you think you are how dark your path may seem you can get help and you can get better if I can do it trust me you can do it and you should talk about it get help talk about it don't be ashamed you know there's more people than you think struggle with these things so if you talk about it you can relate to people so seek help talk about it get better recover loud let's go i'm on a journey to discover the truth living life and recovery is lovely you got the power in you surround yourself with positive energy judges hitting people with provocative penalties need to make a change advocate to change the laws through the people that it's not insane when you stand behind the cause i'm here to speak about the pain recover loud to normalize the disease that's been killing all my friends and my family the time is now to let it all go recover loud the benefit is healthy people family and friends that never have to overdose ever again never have to plead out to a lesser defense i'm proud to say that i recover loud i never thought i could but i'm so proud that i discovered how to live my life again controlling my own destiny i needed recovery i still needed desperately addiction never defined my again recover loud here to tell my own story i recover proud save a life of like 40 i recover loud yeah i recover loud i recover loud yeah i recover loud i recover loud here to tell my own story i recover proud save a life of