 You need three types of courage in your life But first, maybe we should define what does not constitute courage Defiance is not courage Wrecklessness is not courage In your face is not courage Fearlessness is not courage These are all manifestations of anti-social behavior And strong indications of a lack of intelligence Of stupidity Not to mean too many words This kind of behaviors would lead you to an outcome which is far from favorable Courage is measured Courage is risen Courage is cautious Courage is intelligent It is a thinking man's reaction to a world which constantly poses threats as well as opportunities And you in life, you need three forms of courage You need the courage to be afraid Courage is about not being afraid to be afraid When we hear about heroes, courageous people, they overcome their fear They acknowledge their fear, they embrace their fear They confront it, they experience it, they go through it, they traverse it They come out at the other end, courageous, heroic Courage is about not being afraid to be afraid And then, ignoring your fear to the best of your ability Accommodating it, assimilating it, converting this energy into the decision to overcome, to transcend And then to act This is courage So the really courageous person would never act recklessly If there's a threat, if there is a risk, if there's a danger He would first do his best or her best to avoid them Only if he's left no choice He would face his fear and then he would take action Make decisions, adopt choices, choose among alternatives And this is true courage The second type of courage is known as resilience or resiliency Resilience is about not being afraid to be vulnerable Resilience is the direct conversion, manifestation and expression of vulnerability When you acknowledge your shortcomings, your failures, your defeats, your frailties The chinks in your armor When you accept your limitations, you become self-aware You're grounded in reality And then you can share, expose, demonstrate your vulnerabilities to trusted people of course Because you're resilient to anything they may say or do To be vulnerable is to be truly strong and truly courageous This is why we are vulnerable in love To some extent we are vulnerable in sex We are vulnerable in therapy We are vulnerable among friends and family As you can see vulnerability characterizes intimacy Vulnerability characterizes home It's a domestic reaction, a domestic element Resilience therefore is the ability to feel at home where your vulnerabilities cannot or will not be translated into threats Where your vulnerabilities will not lead you deep into hostile territory Resilience, exactly like courage, is reasoned, measured, takes into account trust, threats, risks It avoids, resilience avoids, recklessness You're beginning to see that courage has to do with intelligence Courage has to do with self-control and self-discipline and self-regulation and self-awareness and self-consciousness And the ability to act in the world and on the world from a position of self-love Being your own best friend is the most courageous act you could ever adopt Which leads me to the last type of courage Strength Strength is about not being afraid to seek help Let me summarize Courage is about not being afraid to be afraid Resilience is about not being afraid to be vulnerable And strength is the outcome of courage and resilience When you are not afraid to be afraid and when you acknowledge your vulnerabilities You realize that you need help We all need help all the time And we all get help most of the time Strength is about not being afraid to admit that you require help, that you depend on it Support, support, holding, containing, accepting and caring environment People who love you You need help But to seek help You must overcome your grandiosity Your arrogance Your hubris Your misperception of yourself Escapable or self-sufficient or self-containing There are many obstacles to overcome Many hurdles Cultural, societal and individual It takes strength Strength is when you admit I need assistance I can't do it on my own I'm vulnerable And I'm afraid And I need someone to hold my hand And guide me to where I would feel safe and secure and stable and regulated again These are the three forms of courage you need in life The courage To be afraid The courage to be vulnerable And the ultimate form of courage To seek other people's help For What does it mean to be human If not to be integrated with other people in networks To be human is to be relational To be human is to act interpersonally You can't be human all on your own Atomized, isolated, cast away on an island of your own making To be yourself You need others