 Hi there, lovers and friends. So a number of years ago, I did a video that was called Classic Versus Exotic Beauty that got a lot of attention and equal amounts of hate, probably for good reason. She just turned the corner, now it's my turn. Let's see what kind of comments we get. Okay. I guess I'm a wildcat. Three so far. In summary, in that video, I wanted to create a correlation between who is attractive and who is marketed the most in society. But unfortunately, the way that I chose to do it, the message got lost in the medium. So I thought I would just try again. This video is sponsored by Squarespace. With Squarespace, you get to control and customize your content to fit your brand this 2020. From websites to online stores, Squarespace provides easy to use templates to build your presence online today. Go to squarespace.com slash amboody to start playing around for free and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Bro, like I'm not even playing with you, I won't even like it. I'm so ugly. What? That video went viral for a reason. It is so beautiful, so painfully relatable and so hopeful. But I want to use this as a discussion jump off because it truly encapsulates what I want to talk about in this video. So in the comment section below, let me know. If you were a primary caregiver to a young child like that who made that comment that I am ugly, what would you say in that moment and what would you do going forward? When we think of attraction, we think of something that occurs between two people. What we are neglecting to understand is that attraction is not just between two, it is between thousands of people. It is between this person, this person, all of their influences, including media, family, religion, friends, and this person and all of their influences, the same goes for that. And so when you're entering into a connection with somebody, you're never really truly alone. And that speaks to the fact that we are social animals. A lot of different animals or species out there are driven so heavily by biological influences and there's not a lot of nurture going on. Humans, the nature versus nurture debate exists because we are so heavily influenced by both. So usually when people talk about attraction, they talk about nature. They talk about things like hip to waist ratio and facial symmetry and healthiness. And while all of those things do play a large role in who we see as attractive, there's a whole other host of things that have nothing to do with nature that are more nurture that over time we have come to see certain attributes as attractive based on nothing more than exposure. So once you're open to accepting the fact that attraction probably has a lot more to do with nurture than nature, you can also digest how beauty truly is a privilege and not a privilege that you were born with kind of like height, but instead a privilege that some people are born into depending on the given times that they're on this planet and the beauty standards that are being circulated. This is why we have to accept that the personal is highly political. When we think about personal preferences, we're often thinking to ourselves that it is organic, it is natural, it is fireworks. It is something that cannot be controlled or altered. I've seen multiple people on Twitter trying to defend why they're attracted to only certain body types or only certain colors. And usually their argument is, I just like what I like and I can't help that. But the truth is, you can help it a lot more than you think because a lot of our personal attractions, if we're honest, are not just organically spawned, but instead they are connected to a broader political system that ranks people based on race, on body size, on body abilities, on color, et cetera. And these social norms that dictate which kinds of people or what kinds of bodies are worthy of feeling loved and given positive attention, have a really negative effect for anybody who is not a part of this referential group. Can we pause for a little second from talking about creating a world in which you are beautiful to discuss, creating a world where your dreams come true, and Squarespace wants to empower you to make your next big idea beautiful, tangible, and for the world to see. Squarespace is a tool that I have been using for the past two years. It has massively helped my business. And during this time of social isolation, I want you to start to think about how you can reinvent yourself to be clearer, bigger, brighter, and more visible. And I want to give one person one year of Squarespace. Watch this video. It will tell you how to sign up for a free trial. And once you do your free trial, email me screenshots of your Squarespace account, and I'm gonna pick one person who I can pay for their year for them. Look, I know building a website can be daunting, but Squarespace makes it so easy. Even for me, who doesn't know how to code, I find Squarespace very user-friendly. I mean, if you're a fan of this channel, you probably heard us brag about Squarespace because we literally use that for every website we build. But let me tell you some things that you may not know about. Blogging tools. Squarespace has powerful blogging tools to help tell your story. I mean, look, you can schedule your post and have your content work for you, not the other way around. 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So we'll start off with the mirror exposure effect and that basically states that the more you're exposed to something, the more that you're gonna like it. This can work, obviously, in a one-to-one effect. Different meets and buddying at first, you don't really rock with them, but over time, you begin to look at them as attractive and you begin to really find their jokes funny, et cetera. This, again, goes to the mirror exposure effect and this can work in a very different way. You know, when you meet somebody and you're like, I don't know why, but I feel like I've known you my entire life. What you're really saying is I do know why it's because I have exposed myself to people who fit your archetype for my entire life. I have watched porn, TV shows, I've played video games, I've looked at magazines, where somebody who resembles you shows up consistently and thus, when I'm around you, I have this beautiful, overwhelming sense of familiarity that makes me feel very drawn to you and thus, very connected and attracted to you. The similarity attraction effect means that we find it more comforting to be around those who we are already familiar with. Now, we can see how this works in terms of people being attracted to those who are from the same ethnic group as them. Your family probably looks like them, sounds like them, smells like them and thus, it feels most natural to create a pair bond with that person. But you can also see how the similarity attraction effect works when it comes to societies that have a dominant group. So in one like America, where white is the dominant group, majority of people, if they're not going to pair bond with their own race, are probably going to choose white as their preferred option. I also wanna talk about sexual imprinting and that is a theory that states that a lot of our ideals around who we should be sexually attracted to is determined at a very young age by our parents' influence or influences that we had as a child. It's really important to examine these because through things you heard from your parents about attraction and beauty, comments they used to make even about you, be that about body size or ableism or staying out of the sun, not to get too dark, et cetera, how those things have later impacted you in your adult life. There is one more fact that I wanna bring up to give you further reflection on this topic and it comes with a question. Do you believe in soulmates? Now, before we go any further, answer the comment section below. If you said yes, then you are part of two thirds of Americans who believe in soulmates. You are also possibly part of the problem because the issue with thinking of life in terms of soulmates, that means you think that there is one person out there who is worthy of all of your love. And again, if we acknowledge that our love is political, that our personal preference is political, that means that we are reserving treatment of the one for somebody who looks like the archetype of the one, who looks like the Disney princess or Disney prince and everybody else we're looking at like a stepping stone to the real thing. This prevents us from creating real meaningful relationships with truly incredible people because we are all worthy of love at the very base of it. And it also promotes this idea that love is only reserved for certain kinds of people. That is it, that is essentially what I tried to communicate in that other video and hopefully I did a better job this time around and if I didn't, that's what the comment section is for. But above all else, I pray that you found this video inspiring and not defeating and inspiring because it is actionable. Changing the beauty standard to make yourself the focal point of it genuinely is actionable. And if you do not believe me, I want you to go back to that first question I asked at the top of the video and reflect on your answers. You probably had really concrete clear advice that you would give to a young child. So take that and copy and paste it for yourself. And in addition, here's some tips that I would give to you. First and foremost, you have to create a world in which you are celebrated as beautiful. And I say you not as an individual but you as an archetype. If for example, you are disabled and you are in a wheelchair, I think it's massively important to start watching movies, watching videos, watching other YouTubers, changing your social feeds, especially during this time of social isolation where you get to really control the world that you're being exposed to. Why not create a world where you are a star, where you are a leading person and also get inspired by other people who have risen above the beauty standard to create a world again where they are a part of that group who is worthy of attention, desire, praise, et cetera. Number two, do this while masturbating. I do this for myself. I masturbate in front of a mirror and I choose a body part of mine that I find really erotic. Like my breasts right now, I'm really like, they're just, they're having, you know, you go through moments with your boobs, they're having a great moment right now. So that is this part of me that I focus on. Studies actually show that people who don't see themselves as attractive are less likely to engage in sex because they view sex as something that attractive people are supposed to partake in and they yuck themselves out of it. So you have to first look at you as sexual and as worthy of sexual attention. And again, I think that can truly start with masturbation in a mirror. It can also be a facial feature of yours. It can be your hair, whatever it is, but really creating a sexual attraction, I think to yourself, is a really big part of the puzzle. Number three, I would say, start to really have conversations with people about this. And look, I am saying all this while also understanding that may not be part of your solution. Again, like I said, it's changing your stimulus and inviting more people into your world that reinforce you as sexy, as attractive, and as worthy of love. So I'm going to list a bunch of other sex educators that I know of that fit a broader spectrum when it comes to looks. And if you have any that I missed, please also write them in the comment section below. Oh, ah, how you hear that? Oh, ah, bring it right back. Oh, ah, we're getting old past, shit. Oh, you're so excited, I've been trying to find you. Talking about you missing body.