 Well, the Evil Dead Rise trailer just dropped and we got nothing else to do, so let's have a little chat about it. Oh, a trailer reaction! Since when did you get so fucking trendy? If you think putting all the time and energy into this video will boost views and subscribers, you are sorely mistaken. Come on guys, let the man speak! Join me and my roommates, Dr. Ed, Nurse Natasha, Gary Gray, and Hans the Butler as we talk about all things horror. Everyone is all excited to see the new Evil Dead trailer because just a few days ago Bruce Campbell himself released a teaser also stating that he, Bruce Campbell, was a major producer and, to quote him, was all over it like a cheap suit. Seems like all producers do these days is rude movies! But if Bruce Campbell's involved, it has to be good, right? Right! Wrong! I don't know! I don't know either and honestly judging from the trailer, I don't have very high hopes for this movie at all. What? You don't want to see it in the theater with me? I didn't say I wasn't gonna go see it. I'm just not excited for it and let me tell you what. Oh, here we go, another rant by disenchanted horror fan who doesn't like anything new. First off, what's with all the fucking eggs? Dead-Eyed Breakfast of Champions! I absolutely love shells and blood in my scrambled eggs! What do eggs have to do with it? There are tons of blood in gore, that's for sure. Yes, lots of gore, tons of gore, but gore doesn't necessarily make a good movie. This movie looks like a bloodbath of epic proportions. So let's hope that there are some guts to this movie besides just gore. I see what you did there. If the movie is like the trailer and it's nothing but non-stop senseless gore, this movie knows nothing about Evil Dead. There's gotta be good characters and humor and good story in between the gore. Just like Eddie Murphy said about comedy, you just can't walk out on stage and curse and leave. You have to manage to stick some jokes in between the curses. Good night, suck my dick, bye-bye! And the same goes for horror and gore. Mmm, Eddie Murphy and those tight sexy leather pants. I really hope there are some jokes in between the curses in this movie, unlike Christmas Bloody Christmas. But judging from the trailer, that may not be the case. Looks to be a lot of hot broads in this movie. I hope you don't mean the little girl, Ed. Of course not. And another thing I noticed is the characters look all really bland and boring. Again, it may be different in the movie, but it's Evil Dead, baby. Gore can't be the only thing that's over the top. Everything must be over the top. Yes, the first Evil Dead movie had some generic characters, but where there's Ash, you don't need any more. Then we got Evil Dead 2, where there's Jake and Bobby Joe, who are silly over the top, but memorable and lovable. Bobby Joe! Army of Darkness and Ash vs. Evil Dead introduced even more colorful and over-the-top characters. And the Evil Dead remake, well... It fucking sucked, Rod, did I, dick? And what's with bringing kids into all these franchises? We didn't really want to see kids slinging proton packs and Ghostbusters afterlife, and I don't think we want to see kids fighting off dead-eyes either. That's a grown-up's job. And what's with the incantation playing on a record player? So this pissed me right off. Anyone who's looked into pressing vinyl can understand that this just doesn't make any sense. I'm not sure what the context is, but vinyl doesn't work like a tape recorder. You can plug a microphone into a giant record-pressing machine, and talk into the mic, and have it etch the vinyl as you're speaking into it, and it has to be pressed at a major plant. And vinyl is so expensive! My old punk band, Nat and the Nastyz, we paid $2,000 for a minimum order of 100 copies! So I guess there's just like a limited run of Necronomicon LPs sitting in niche record stores around the world? I wonder what label they are on! Not only did I find the characters to appear bland and generic, but also the overall look of the movie. It doesn't seem to have any charm, it just looks like a generic run-of-the-mill modern horror movie. Look the scene with the woman coming out of the bathtub! And how many times has that been done? It's not newer exciting, it's stock and it's cliche. And if this movie is going to be cliche, it's got to be cliche to Evil Dead, not cliche to crappy modern horror movies. The original series broke so many rules and barriers, while still being on a low budget. And this looks like paint by the numbers on a big budget. Big difference. It doesn't look funny at all! Where's all the comedy and slapstick? An Evil Dead movie should be just as fun and campy as it is gory, and I just didn't see that in the trailer. Anyone involved in this movie should be watching just as much Three Stooges as they are horror movies if they want to get the formula right. Because Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell love the Three Stooges. Sam Raimi coined the term fake shem for Christ's sake. If you don't know what it is, just look it up. We don't have time to explain it. I'll give you a hint, it refers to a dead stooge. Overall, this just doesn't feel like an Evil Dead movie to me, and that has nothing to do with Ash Williams being absent. Who needs Ash? Just give me a bunch of hot fucking broads! Ash vs the Evil Dead is a great example, because even if you take Ash out of the equation, it still reeks of Evil Dead. It sweats Evil Dead out of its pores. Because it nailed everything that makes Evil Dead special. The gore, yes, but also the characters, the story, the dialogue, the cappiness, the slapstick humor, the camera work, and of course the atmosphere. Just like Cobra Kai? Yes, exactly, and there's so many reboots and continuations being made from retro nostalgia shows and movies. Some nail it like Cobra Kai, and some fall flat like Picard and Willow. And Fuller House! And something tells me this is going to be a bit more like Fuller House. Judging from the trailer, the filmmakers don't really seem to understand the mechanics of the source material. They don't have the right ingredients to make the stew, and like any stew it has to be made with love. When you look at shows that get a lot of praise like Cobra Kai and Ash vs Evil Dead, you can tell they're made with love. The ones that seem to fall flat look like they're more paint by numbers. But hey, that's just what I gather from the trailer. Who knows, maybe the movie has everything that I want and more. Maybe it will be a great Evil Dead movie. I don't know yet. So, final thoughts. What did we all think of the trailer? Hot zombie broads and lots of gore. It's worth a watch. It did look like there's lots of practical effects. It does look like there might be some good practical effects. But you can count me out. Not unless Eddie Murphy is in it with his tied sexy leather purple pants. It looks too scary for me. One positive thing I can say is it didn't give too much away about the story if there is one besides blood and guts. It looks like all sizzle at no stake. I'll sit it out, thank you. I'll go see it but I'm not really expecting to like it so much. Maybe I'll love it, but I'm a little doubtful. To me it just looks like a bunch of cliche shit that I've seen a gazillion times before. Like you don't get pissed drunk and watch Ghostbusters like six times a year. I know you can't always judge a movie by its trailer. Trailers in themselves are modern and sleek and exciting to get you invested in seeing the movie. It may not always be the best representation of the essence of the movie. And I hope that's the case here. What did you guys think of the trailer? Make sure to let me know in the comments. In the meantime, I'm gonna go watch Ash vs Evil Dead.