 CHAPTER 66 to be tempted, Escalus, another thing to fall. Lidgate certainly had good reason to reflect on the service his practice did him in counteracting his personal cares. He had no longer free energy enough for spontaneous research and speculative thinking. But by the bedside of patience the direct external calls on his judgment and sympathies brought the added impulse needed to draw him out of himself. It was not simply that beneficent harness of routine which enables silly men to live respectively and unhappy men to live calmly. It was a perpetual claim on the immediate fresh application of thought and on the consideration of another's need and trial. Many of us looking back through life would say that the kindest man we have ever known has been a medical man, or perhaps that surgeon whose fine tact directed by deeply informed perception has come to us in our need with a more sublime beneficence than that of miracle workers. Some of that twice-blessed mercy was always with Lidgate in his work at the hospital or in private houses, serving better than any opiate to quiet and sustain him under his anxieties and his sense of mental degeneracy. Mr. Fairbrother's suspicion as to the opiate was true, however, under the first galling pressure of foreseen difficulties and the first perception that his marriage, if it were not to be a yoked loneliness, must be a state of effort to go on loving without too much care about being loved. He had once or twice tried a dose of opium, but he had no hereditary constitutional craving after such transient escapes from the hauntings of misery. He was strong, could drink a great deal of wine, but did not care about it, and when the men round him were drinking spirits, he took sugar and water, having a contemptuous pity even for the earliest stages of excitement from drink. It was the same with gambling. He had looked on at a great deal of gambling in Paris, watching it as if it had been a disease. He was no more tempted by such winning than he was by drink. He had said to himself that the only winning he cared for must be attained by a conscious process of high, difficult combination tending towards a beneficent result. The power he longed for could not be represented by agitated fingers clutching a heap of coin or by the half-barbarous, half-idiotic triumph in the eyes of a man who sweeps within his arms the ventures of twenty chapfallen companions. But just as he had tried opium, so his thought now began to turn upon gambling, not with appetite for its excitement, but with the sort of wistful inward gaze after that easy way of getting money, which implied no asking and brought no responsibility. If he had been in London or Paris at that time, it is probable that such thoughts, seconded by opportunity, would have taken him into a gambling house, no longer to watch the gamblers, but to watch with them in kindred eagerness. Repugnance would have been surmounted by the immense need to win if change would be kind enough to let him. An incident which happened not very long after any notion of getting aid from his uncle had been excluded was a strong sign of the effect that might have followed any extant opportunity of gambling. The billiard room at the Green Dragon was the constant resort of a certain set. Most of them, like our acquaintance Mr. Bainbridge, were regarded as men of pleasure. It was here that poor Fred Vinci had made part of his memorable debt, having lost money in betting and been obliged to borrow of that gay companion. It was generally known in Middle March that a good deal of money was lost and won in this way, and the consequent repute of the Green Dragon as a place of dissipation naturally heightened in some quarters the temptation to go there. Probably its regular visitants, like the initiates of Freemasonry, wished that there was something a little more tremendous to keep to themselves concerning it. But they were not a closed community, and many decent seniors as well as juniors occasionally turned into the billiard room to see what was going on. Lidgate, who had the muscular aptitude for billiards and was fond of the game, had once or twice in the early days after his arrival in Middle March taken his turn with the cue at the Green Dragon, but afterwards he had no leisure for the game and no inclination for the socialities there. One evening, however, he had occasion to seek Mr. Bainbridge at that resort. The horse dealer had engaged to get him a customer for his remaining good horse, for which Lidgate had determined to substitute a cheap hack, hoping by this reduction of style to get perhaps twenty pounds, and he cared now for every small sum as a help towards feeding the patients of his tradesmen. To run up to the billiard room as he was passing would save time. Mr. Bainbridge was not yet come, but would be sure to arrive by and by, said his friend Mr. Horwick, and Lidgate stayed playing a game for the sake of passing the time. That evening, he had the peculiar light in the eyes and the unusual vivacity which had been once noticed in him by Mr. Fairbrother. The exceptional fact of his presence was much noticed in the room, where there was a good deal of middle-march company, and several lookers on, as well as some of the players, were betting with animation. Lidgate was playing well and felt confident. The bets were dropping round him, and with the swift glancing thought of the probable gain which might double the sum he was saving from his horse, he began to bet on his own play and won again and again. Mr. Bainbridge had come in, but Lidgate did not notice him. He was not only excited with his play, but visions were gleaming on him of going the next day to Brassing, where there was gambling on a grander scale to be had, and where, by one powerful snatch at the devil's bait, he might carry it off without the hook and buy his rescue from its daily solicitings. He was still winning when two new visitors entered. One of them was a young Hawley just come from his lost studies in town, and the other was Fred Vincey, who had spent several evenings of late at this old haunt of his. Young Hawley, an accomplished billiard player, brought a cool fresh hand to the cue. But Fred Vincey, startled at seeing Lidgate and astonished to hear him betting with an excited air, stood aside and kept out of the circle round the table. Fred had been rewarding Resolution by a little laxity of late. He had been working heartily for six months at all outdoor occupations under Mr. Garth, and by dint of severe practice had nearly mastered the defects of his handwriting, this practice being perhaps a little less severe that it was often carried on in the evening at Mr. Garth's under the eyes of Mary. But the last fortnight Mary had been staying at Lowick Parsonage with the ladies there during Mr. Fairbrothers residence in Middle March, where he was carrying out some parochial plans. And Fred, not seeing anything more agreeable to do, had turned into the green dragon, partly to play at billiards, partly to taste the old flavor of discourse about horses, sport, and things in general, considered from a point of view which was not strenuously correct. He had not been out hunting once this season, had had no horse of his own to ride, and had gone from place to place chiefly with Mr. Garth in his gig, or on the sober cob which Mr. Garth could lend him. It was a little too bad, Fred began to think, that he should be kept in the traces with more severity than if he had been a clergyman. I will tell you what, Mistress Mary, it would be rather harder work to learn surveying and drawing plans than it would have been to write sermons, he had said, wishing her to appreciate what he went through for her sake. And as to Hercules and Theseus, they were nothing to me. They had sport and never learned to write a bookkeeping hand. And now Mary, being out of the way for a little while, Fred, like any other strong dog who cannot slip his collar, had pulled up the staple of his chain, and made a small escape, not of course meaning to go fast or far. There could be no reason why he should not play at billiards, but he was determined not to bet. As to money just now, Fred had in his mind the heroic project of saving almost all of the 80 pounds that Mr. Garth offered him, and returning it, which he could easily do by giving up all futile money spending, since he had a superfluous stock of clothes and no expenses in his board. In that way he could, in one year, go a good way towards repaying the 90 pounds of which he had deprived Mrs. Garth, unhappily at a time when she needed that sum more than she did now. Nevertheless it must be acknowledged that on this evening, which was the fifth of his recent visits to the billiard room, Fred had, not in his pocket, but in his mind, the 10 pounds which he meant to reserve for himself from his half-year salary, having before him the pleasure of carrying 30 to Mrs. Garth when Mary was likely to become home again. He had those 10 pounds in his mind as a fund from which he might risk something if there were a chance of a good bet. Why? Well, when sovereigns were flying about, why shouldn't he catch a few? He would never go far along that road again, but a man likes to assure himself, and men of pleasure generally, what he could do in the way of mischief if he chose, and that if he abstains from making himself ill or beggaring himself or talking with the utmost looseness which the narrow limits of human capacity will allow, it is not because he is a spoony. Fred did not enter into formal reasons, which are a very artificial in exact way of representing the tingling returns of old habit, and the caprices of young blood, but there was lurking in him a prophetic sense that evening, that when he began to play he should also begin to bet, that he should enjoy some punch drinking, and in general prepare himself for feeling rather seedy in the morning. It is in such indefinable movements that action often begins. But the last thing likely to have entered Fred's expectation was that he should see his brother-in-law, Lidgate, of whom he had never quite dropped the old opinion that he was a prig and tremendously conscious of his superiority, looked excited and betting, just as he himself might have done. Fred felt a shock greater than he could quite account for by the vague knowledge that Lidgate was in debt and that his father had refused to help him, and his own inclination to enter into the play was suddenly checked. It was a strange reversal of attitudes. Fred's blonde face and blue eyes, usually bright and careless, ready to give attention to anything that held out a promise of amusement, looking involuntarily grave and almost embarrassed, as if by the sight of something unfitting, while Lidgate, who had habitually an air of self-possessed strength and a certain meditativeness that seemed to lie behind his most observant attention, was acting, watching, speaking, with that excited narrow consciousness which reminds one of an animal with fierce eyes and retractile claws. Lidgate, by betting on his own strokes, had won sixteen pounds, but Young Hawley's arrival had changed the poise of things. He made first-rate strokes himself and began to bet against Lidgate's strokes, the strain of whose nerves was thus changed from simple confidence in his own movements to defying another person's doubt in them. The defiance was more exciting than the confidence, but it was less sure. He continued to bet on his own play, but began often to fail. Still he went on, for his mind was as utterly narrowed into that precipitous crevice of play as if he had been the most ignorant lounger there. Fred observed that Lidgate was losing fast and found himself in a new situation of puzzling his brains to think of some device by which, without being offensive, he could withdraw Lidgate's attention and perhaps suggest to him a reason for quitting the room. He saw that others were observing Lidgate's strange unlikeness to himself, and it occurred to him that merely to touch his elbow and call him aside for a moment might rouse him from his absorption. He could think of nothing cleverer than the daring and probability of saying that he wanted to see Rosie and wished to know if she were at home this evening, and he was going desperately to carry out this weak device when a waiter came up to him with a message saying that Mr. Fairbrother was below and begged to speak with him. Fred was surprised, not quite comfortably, but sending word that he would be down immediately, he went with a new impulse up to Lidgate, said, Can I speak to you a moment and drew him aside? Fairbrother has just sent up a message to say that he wants to speak to me. He is below. I thought you might like to know he was there if you had anything to say to him. Fred had simply snatched up this pretext for speaking because he could not say. You were losing confoundedly and are making everybody stare at you. You had better come away. But inspiration could hardly have served him better. Lidgate had not before seen that Fred was present, and his sudden appearance, with an announcement of Mr. Fairbrother, had the effect of a sharp concussion. No, no, said Lidgate. I have nothing particular to say to him. But the game is up. I must be going. I came in just to see Bambridge. Bambridge is over there, but he is making a row. I don't think he is ready for business. Come down with me to Fairbrother. I expect he is going to blow me up and you will shield me, said Fred with some adroitness. Lidgate felt shame, but could not bear to act as if he felt it, by refusing to see Mr. Fairbrother. And he went down. They merely shook hands, however, and spoke of the frost. And when all three had turned into the street, the vicar seemed quite willing to say goodbye to Lidgate. His present purpose was clearly to talk with Fred alone, and he said kindly, I disturbed you, young gentleman, because I have some pressing business with you. Walk with me to St. Barthol's, will you? It was a fine night, the sky thick with stars. And Mr. Fairbrother proposed that they should make a circuit to the old church by the London road. The next thing he said was, I thought Lidgate never went to the Green Dragon. So did I, said Fred. But he said that he went to see Bambridge. He was not playing then. Fred had not meant to tell this, but he was obliged now to say, yes, yes, he was, but I suppose it was an accidental thing. I have never seen him there before. You have been going off in yourself then lately. Oh, about five or six times. I think you had some good reason for giving up the habit of going there. Yes, you know all about it, said Fred, not liking to be catacysed in this way. I made a clean breast to you. I suppose that gives me a warrant to speak about the matter now. It is understood between us, is it not, that we are on a footing of open friendship. I have listened to you, and you will be willing to listen to me. I may take my turn in talking a little about myself. I am under the deepest obligations to you, Mr. Fairbrother, said Fred, in a state of uncomfortable surmise. I will not affect to deny that you are under some obligation to me, but I am going to confess to you, Fred, that I have been tempted to reverse all that by keeping silence with you just now. When somebody said to me, young Vincy has taken to being at the billiard table every night again, he won't bear the curve long. I was tempted to do the opposite of what I am doing, to hold my tongue and wait while you went down the ladder again, betting first, and then, I have not made any bets, said Fred hastily. Glad to hear it, but I say my prompting was to look on and see you take the wrong turning. Wear out, God's patience, and lose the best opportunity of your life, the opportunity which you made some rather difficult effort to secure. You can guess the feeling which raised that temptation in me. I am sure you know it. I am sure you know that the satisfaction of your affections stands in the way of mine. There was a pause. Mr. Fairbrother seemed to wait for a recognition of the fact, and the emotion perceptible in the tones of his fine voice gave solemnity to his words. But no feeling could quell Fred's alarm. I could not be expected to give her up, he said, after a moment's hesitation. It was not a case for any pretense of generosity. Clearly not, when her affection met yours. But relations of this sort, even when they are of long standing, are always liable to change. I can easily conceive that you might act in a way to loosen the ties she feels towards you. It must be remembered that she is only conditionally bound to you, and that in that case another man, who may flatter himself that he has a hold on her regard, might succeed in winning that firm place in her love, as well as respect which you had let slip. I can easily conceive such a result, repeated Mr. Fairbrother emphatically. There is a companionship of ready sympathy, which might get the advantage even over the longest associations. It seemed to Fred that if Mr. Fairbrother had had a beak and talons, instead of his very capable tongue, his motive attack could hardly be more cruel. He had a horrible conviction that behind all this hypothetical statement, there was a knowledge of some actual change in Mary's feelings. Of course I know it might easily be all up with me, he said, in a troubled voice, if she is beginning to compare, he broke off, not likely to betray all he felt, and then said, by the help of a little bitterness. But I thought you were friendly to me, so I am, that is why we are here. But I have had a strong disposition to be otherwise. I have said to myself, if there is a likelihood of that youngster doing himself harm, why should you interfere? Aren't you worth as much as he is? And don't your sixteen years over and above his, in which you have gone rather hungry, give you more right to satisfaction than he has? If there is a chance of his going to the dogs, let him. Perhaps you could know how hinder it, and do you take the benefit. There was a pause in which Fred was seized by a most uncomfortable chill. What was coming next? He dreaded to hear that something had been said to Mary. He felt as if he were listening to a threat rather than a warning. When the vicar began again, there was a change in his tone, like the encouraging transition to a major key. But I had once meant better than that, and I am come back to my old intention. I thought that I could hardly secure myself in it better, Fred, than by telling you just what had gone on in me. And now do you understand me? I want you to make the happiness of her life and your own, and if there is any chance that a word of warning from me may turn aside any risk to the contrary. Well, I have uttered it. There was a drop in the vicar's voice when he spoke the last words. He paused. There was standing on a patch of green where the road diverged towards St. Bottle's, and he put out his hand as if to imply that the conversation was closed. Fred was moved quite newly. Someone highly susceptible to the contemplation of a fine act has said that it produces a sort of regenerating shutter through the frame, and makes one feel ready to begin a new life. A good degree of that effect was just then present in Fred Vinci. I will try to be worthy, he said, breaking off before he could say a view as well as of her. And meanwhile, Mr. Fairbrother had gathered the impulse to say something more. You must not imagine that I believe there is a present any decline in her preference of you, Fred. Set your heart at rest that if you keep right, other things will keep right. I shall never forget what you have done, Fred answered. I can't say anything that seems worth saying. Only I will try that your goodness shall not be thrown away. That's enough. Goodbye, and God bless you. In that way they parted. But both of them walked about a long while before they went out of the starlight. Much of Fred's rumination might be summed up in the words, it certainly would have been a fine thing for her to marry Fairbrother. But if she loves me best and I am a good husband, perhaps Mr. Fairbrothers might be concentrated into a single shrug and one little speech. To think of the part one little woman can play in the life of a man, so that to renounce her may be a very good imitation of heroism, and to win her may be a discipline. End of Chapter 66 Chapter 67 of Middle March This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Now is their civil war within the soul, resolve his thrust from off the sacred throne by clamorous needs, and pride, the grand vizier, makes humble compact, plays the supple part of unboy and deaf-tongued apologist for hungry rebels. Happily, Litgate had ended by losing in the billiard room, and brought away no encouragement to make a raid on luck. On the contrary, he felt unmixed disgust with himself the next day when he had to pay four or five pounds over and above his gains, and he carried about with him a most unpleasant vision of the figure he had made, not only rubbing elbows with the men of the green dragon, but behaving just as they did. A philosopher fallen to bedding is hardly distinguishable from a Philistine under the same circumstances. The difference will chiefly be found in his subsequent reflections, and Litgate chewed a very disagreeable cud in that way. His reason told him how the affair might have been magnified into ruin by a slight change of scenery, if it had been a gambling house that he had turned into where chance could be clutched with both hands instead of being picked up with thumb and forefinger. Nevertheless, though reason strangled the desire to gamble, there remained the feeling that, with an insurance of luck to the needful amount he would have liked to gamble, rather than take the alternative, which was beginning to shape itself as inevitable. That alternative was to apply to Mr. Bulstrode. Litgate had so many times boasted both to himself and others that he was totally independent of Bulstrode, to whose plans he had lent himself solely because they enabled him to carry out his own ideas of professional work and public benefit. He had so constantly in their personal intercourse had his pride sustained by the sense that he was making a good social use of this predominating banker whose opinions he thought contemptible and whose motives often seemed to him an absurd mixture of contradictory impressions that he had been creating for himself strong ideal obstacles to the proffering of any considerable request to him on his own account. Still, early in March his affairs were at that pass in which men begin to say that their oaths were delivered in ignorance and to perceive that the act which they had called impossible to them is becoming manifestly possible, with Dover's ugly security soon to be put in force with the proceeds of his practice immediately absorbed in paying back debts, and with the chance, if the worst were known, of daily supplies being refused on credit. Above all, with the vision of Rosamond's hopeless discontent continually haunting him, Litgate had begun to see that he should inevitably bend himself to ask help from somebody or other. At first he had considered whether he should write to Mr. Vinci, but on questioning Rosamond he found that, as he had suspected, that she already applied twice to her father, the last time being since the disappointment from Sir Godwin, and Papa had said that Litgate must look out for himself. Papa said he had come with one bad year after another to trade more and more on borrowed capital, and it had to give up many indulgences. He could not spare a single hundred from the charges of his family. He said, let Litgate ask Bullstrode. They have always been hand and glove. Indeed, Litgate himself had come to the conclusion that if he must end by asking for a free loan, his relations with Bullstrode, more at least than with any other man, might take the shape of a claim which was not purely personal. Bullstrode had indirectly helped to cause the failure of his practice and had also been highly gratified by getting a medical partner in his plans. But who among us ever reduced himself to the sort of dependence in which Litgate now stood without trying to believe that he had claims which diminished the humiliation of asking? It was true that of late there had seemed to be a new langle of interest in Bullstrode about the hospital, but his health had got worse and showed signs of a deep-seated, nervous affection. In other respects he did not appear to be changed. He had always been highly polite, but Litgate had observed in him from the first a marked coldness about his marriage and other private circumstances, a coldness which he had hitherto preferred to any warmth of familiarity between them. He deferred the intention from day to day, his habit of acting on his conclusions being made infirm by his repugnance to every possible conclusion and its consequent act. He saw Mr. Bullstrode often, but he did not try to use any occasion for his private purpose. At one moment he thought, I will write a letter, I prefer that to any circuitous talk. At another he thought, no, if I were talking to him I could make a retreat before any signs of disinclination. Still the days passed and no letter was written, no special interviews sought. In his shrinking from the humiliation of a dependent attitude towards Bullstrode, he began to familiarize his imagination with another step even more unlike his remembered self. He began spontaneously to consider whether it would be possible to carry out that purile notion of Rosamund's which had often made him angry, namely that they should quit Middle March without seeing anything beyond that preface. The question came, would any man buy the practice of me even now for as little as it is worth? Then the sale might happen as a necessary preparation for going away. But against his taking this step, which he still felt to be a contemptible relinquishment of present work, a guilty turning aside from what was a real and might be a widening channel for worthy activity. To start again without any justified destination there was this obstacle that the purchaser, if procurable at all, might not be quickly forthcoming and afterwards. Rosamund in a poor lodging, though in the largest city or most distant town, would not find the life that could save her from gloom and save him from the reproach of having plunged her into it. But when a man is at the foot of the hill in his fortunes, he may stay a long while there in spite of professional accomplishment. In the British climate there is no incompatibility between scientific insight and furnished lodgings. The incompatibility is chiefly between scientific ambition and a wife who objects to that kind of resonance. But in the midst of his hesitation, opportunity came to decide him. A note from Mr. Bulstrode requested Lidgate to call on him at the bank. A hypochondriacal tendency had shown itself in the banker's constitution of late, and a lack of sleep, which was really only a slight exaggeration of an habitual dyspeptic symptom, had been dwelt on by him as a sign of threatening insanity. He wanted to consult Lidgate without delay on that particular morning, although he had nothing to tell beyond what he had told before. He listened eagerly to what Lidgate had to say in dissipation of his fears, though this too was only repetition. And this moment in which Bulstrode was receiving a medical opinion with a sense of comfort seemed to make the communication of a personal need to him easier than it had been in Lidgate's contemplation beforehand. He had been insisting that it would be well for Mr. Bulstrode to relax his attention to business. One sees how any mental strain, however slight, may affect a delicate frame, said Lidgate at that stage of the consultation when the remarks tend to pass from the personal to the general, by the deep stamp which anxiety will make for a time even on the young and vigorous. I am naturally very strong, yet I have been thoroughly shaken lately by an accumulation of trouble. I presume that a constitution in the susceptible state in which mine at present is would be especially liable to fall a victim to cholera if it visited our district. And since its appearance near London, we may well beseeched the mercy seat for our protection, said Mr. Bulstrode, not intending to evade Lidgate's illusion, but really preoccupied with the alarms about himself. You have, at all events, taken your share in using good practical precautions for the town. And that is the best mode of asking for protection, said Lidgate, with the strongest taste for the broken metaphor and bad logic of the banker's religion, somewhat increased by the apparent deafness of his sympathy. But his mind had taken up its long-prepared movement towards getting help, and was not yet arrested. He added, The town has done well in the way of cleansing and finding appliances, and I think that if the cholera should come, even our enemies will admit that the arrangements in the new hospital are a public good. Truly, said Mr. Bulstrode, with some coldness. With regard to what you say, Mr. Lidgate, about the relaxation of my mental labour, I have for some time been entertaining a purpose to that effect, a purpose of a very decided character. I contemplate at least a temporary withdrawal from the management of much business, whether benevolent or commercial. Also I think of changing my residence for a time. Probably I shall close or let the shrubs and take some place near the coast, under advice, of course, as to solupility. That would be a measure which you would recommend? Oh yes, said Lidgate, falling backward in his chair, with ill repressed impatience under the banker's pale earnest eyes and intense preoccupation with himself. I have for some time felt that I should open this subject with you in relation to our hospital, continued Bulstrode. Under the circumstances I have indicated, of course, I must cease to have any personal share in the management, and it is contrary to my views of responsibility to continue a large application of means to an institution which I cannot watch over and to some extent regulate. I shall therefore, in case of my ultimate decision to leave Middle March, consider that I withdraw other support to the new hospital than that which will subsist in the fact that I chiefly supplied the expenses of building it, and have contributed further large sums to its successful working. Lidgate's thought when Bulstrode paused according to his want was, he has perhaps been losing a good deal of money. This was the most plausible explanation of a speech which had caused rather a startling change in his expectations. He said in reply, The loss to the hospital can hardly be made up, I fear. Hardly, returned Bulstrode in the same deliberate silvery tone, except by some changes of plan, the only person who may be certainly counted on as willing to increase her contributions is Mrs. Cassabon. I have had an interview with her on the subject, and I have pointed out to her as I am about to do to you, that it will be desirable to win a more general support to the new hospital by a change of system. Another pause, but Lidgate did not speak. The change I mean is an amalgamation with the infirmary, so that the new hospital shall be regarded as a special addition to the elder institution, having the same directing board. It will be necessary also that the medical management of the two shall be combined. In this way, any difficulty as to the adequate maintenance of our new establishment will be removed. The benevolent interest of the town will cease to be divided. Mr. Bulstrode had lowered his eyes from Lidgate's face to the buttons of his coat as he again paused. No doubt that is a good device as to ways and means, said Lidgate with an edge of irony in his tone, but I can't be expected to rejoice in it at once, since one of the first results will be that the other medical men will upset or interrupt my methods, if it were only because they are mine. I myself, as you know, Mr. Lidgate, highly valued the opportunity of new and independent procedure which you have diligently employed. The original plan, I confess, was one which I had much at heart under submission to the divine will, but since providential indications demand a renunciation from me, I renounce. Bulstrode showed a rather exasperating ability in this conversation. The broken metaphor and bad logic of motive which had stirred his hearer's contempt were quite consistent with the mode of putting the facts which made it difficult for Lidgate to vent his own indignation and disappointment. After some rapid reflection, he only asked, What did Mrs. Cassavon say? That was the further statement which I wish to make to you, said Bulstrode, who had thoroughly prepared his ministerial explanation. She is, you are aware, a woman of most magnificent disposition, and happily in possession, not I presume of great wealth, but of funds which she can well spare. She has informed me that though she had destined the chief part of those funds to another purpose, she is willing to consider whether she cannot fully take my place in relation to the hospital. But she wishes for ample time to mature her thoughts on the subject, and I have told her that there is no need for haste, that in fact my own plans are not yet absolute. Lidgate was ready to say, if Mrs. Cassavon would take your place, there would be gain instead of loss. But there was still a weight on his mind which arrested this cheerful candor. He replied, I suppose, then, that I may enter into the subject with Mrs. Cassavon. Precisely, that is what she expressly desires. Her decision, she says, will much depend on what you can tell her, but not at present. She is, I believe, just set out on a journey. I have her letter here, said Mr. Bulstrode, drawing it out and reading from it. I am immediately otherwise engaged, she says. I am going into Yorkshire with Sir James and Lady Chetam, and the conclusions I come to about some land which I am to see there may affect my power of contributing to the hospital. Thus, Mr. Lidgate, there is no haste necessary in this matter. But I wish to apprise you beforehand of what may possibly occur. Mr. Bulstrode returned the letter to his side pocket and changed his attitude as if his business were closed. Lidgate, whose renewed hope about the hospital only made him more conscious of the facts which poisoned his hope, felt that his effort after help, if made at all, must be made now and vigorously. I am much obliged to you for giving me full notice, he said, with firm intention in his tone, yet with an interruptedness in his delivery which showed that he spoke unwillingly. The highest object to me is my profession, and I had identified the hospital with the best use I can at present make of my profession. But the best use is not always the same with monetary success. Everything which has made the hospital unpopular has helped with other causes, I think they are all connected with my professional zeal, to make me unpopular as a practitioner. I get chiefly patients who can't pay me. I should like them best if I had nobody to pay on my own side. Lidgate waited a little but Bulls drove on the bowed, looking at him fixedly, and he went on with the same interrupted annunciation as if he were biting an objectionable leak. I have slipped into money difficulties which I can see no way out of, unless someone who trusts me and my future will advance me a sum without other security. I had very little fortune when I came here. I have no prospects of money from my own family. My expenses and consequence of my marriage have been very much greater than I had expected. The result at this moment is that it would take a thousand pounds to clear me. I mean to be free from the risk of having all my goods sold in security of my largest debt, as well as to pay my other debts, and leave anything to keep us a little beforehand with our small income. I find that it is out of the question that my wife's father should make such an advance. That is why I mention my position to the only other man who may be held to have some personal connection with my prosperity or ruin. Lidgate hated to hear himself, but he had spoken now and had spoken with unmistakable directness. Mr. Bulls drove replied without haste, but also without hesitation. I am grieved, though I confess not surprised by this information, Mr. Lidgate. For my own part I regretted your alliance with my brother-in-law's family, which has always been of prodigal habits and which has already been much indebted to me for sustainment in its present position. My advice to you, Mr. Lidgate, would be that instead of involving yourself in further obligations and continuing a doubtful struggle, you should simply become a bankrupt. That would not improve my position, said Lidgate, rising and speaking bitterly, even if it were a more agreeable thing in itself. It is always a trial, said Mr. Bulls drove, but trial, my dear sir, is our portion here and is a needed corrective. I recommend you to weigh the advice I have given. Thank you, said Lidgate, not quite knowing what he said. I have occupied you too long. Good day. End of Chapter 67 Chapter 68 of Middlemarch This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org, recording by Anna Simon. Middlemarch by George Elliott, Chapter 68 What suit of grace hath virtue to put on, if vice shall wear us good and do as well. If wrong, if craft, if indiscretion act as fair parts with ends as laudable, which all this mighty volume of events, the world, the universal map of deeds, strongly controls and proves from all the sense that the directest cause still best succeeds, for should not grave and learned experience that looks with the eyes of all the world beside and with all ages holds intelligence, goes safer than deceit without a guide. Daniel Musophilus That change of plan and shifting of interest, which Bulls drove stated or betrayed in his conversation with Litgate, had been determined in him by some severe experience which had gone through since the epoch of Mr. Larch's sale, when Raffles had recognised Will Ladisloff, and when the banker had in vain attempted an act of restitution which might move divine providence to arrest painful consequences. His certainty that Raffles, unless he were dead, would return to Middlemarch before long had been justified, on Christmas Eve he had reappeared at the shrubs. Bulls drove was at home to receive him and hinder his communication with the rest of the family, but he could not altogether hinder the circumstances of the visit from compromising himself and alarming his wife. Raffles proved more unmanageable than he'd shown himself to be in his formal appearances. His chronic state of mental restlessness, the growing effect of habitual intemperance, quickly shaking off every impression from what was said to him. He insisted on staying in the house and Bulls drove, weighing two sets of evils, felt that this was at least not a worse alternative than his going into the town. He kept him in his own room for the evening and saw him to bed. Raffles, all the while amusing himself with the annoyance he was causing this decent and highly prosperous fellow-sinner, an amusement which he facetiously expressed a sympathy with his friend's pleasure in entertaining a man who had been serviceable to him and who had not had all his earnings. There was a cunning calculation under this noisy joking, a cool resolve to extract something the hansomer from Bulls drove his payment for a release from this new application of torture, but as cunning had a little overcast its mark. Bulls drove was indeed more tortured than the coarse fibre of Raffles could enable him to imagine. He had told his wife that he was simply taking care of this wretched creature, the victim of vice, who might otherwise injure himself. He implied, without the direct form of falsehood, that there was a family tie which bound him to this care and that there were signs of mental alienation in Raffles which urged caution. He would himself drive the unfortunate being away the next morning. In these hints he felt that he was supplying Mrs. Bulls drove with precautionary information for his daughters and servants and accounting for his allowing no one but himself to enter the room even with food and drink. But he said in an agony of fear lest Raffles should be overheard in his loud and plain references to past facts lest Mrs. Bulls drove should be even tempted to listen at the door. How could he hinder her? How would betray his terror by opening the door to detect her? She was a woman of honest direct habits and little likely to take so lower course in order to arrive at painful knowledge, but fear was stronger than the calculation of probabilities. In this way Raffles had pushed the torture too far and produced an effect which had not been in his plan. By showing himself hopelessly unmanageable he had made Bulls drove feel that a strong defiance was the only resource left. After taking Raffles to bed that night the banker ordered his closed carriage to be ready at half-bar seven the next morning. At six o'clock he had already been long dressed and had spent some of his wretchedness and prayer, pleading his motives for averting the worst evil if in anything he had used falsity and spoken what was not true before God. For Bulls drove strength from a direct lie with an intensity disproportionate to the number of his more indirect misdeeds. But many of these misdeeds were like the subtle muscular movements which are not taken account of in the consciousness, though they bring about the end that we fix our mind on and desire, and it is only what we are vividly conscious of that we can vividly imagine to be seen by omniscience. Bulls drove carried his candle to the bedside of Raffles who was apparently in a painful dream. He stood silent, hoping that the presence of the light would serve to awaken the sleeper gradually and gently, for he feared some noise as the consequence of a too sudden awakening. He had watched for a couple of minutes or more the shudderings and pantings which seemed likely to end in waking, when Raffles, with a long, half-stifled moon, started up and stared round him in terror, trembling and gasping. But he made no further noise, and Bulls trod, sitting down the candle, awaited his recovery. It was a quarter of an hour later before Bulls trod, with a cold peremptoriness of manner which he had not before shown, said, I came to call you thus early, Mr. Raffles, because I have ordered the carriage to be ready at half-bar seven, and intend myself to conduct you as far as elsely, where you can either take the railway or await a coach. Raffles was about to speak, but Bulls trod anticipated him imperiously with the words, be silent sir, and hear what I have to say. I shall supply you with money now, and I will furnish you with a reasonable sum from time to time on your application to me by letter. But if you choose to present yourself here again, if you return to Middlemarch, or if you use your tongue in a manner injurious to me, you'll have to live on such fruits as your mallets can bring you, without help from me. Nobody will pay you well for blasting my name. I know the worst you can do against me, and I shall brave it, if you dare to thrust yourself upon me again. Get up, sir, and do as I order you, without noise, or I will send for a policeman to take you off my premises, and you may carry your stories into every pothouse in the town, but you shall have no sixpence from me to pay your expenses there. Bulls trod had rarely in his life spoken with such nervous energy. He'd been deliberating on this speech and its probable effects through a large part of the night, and though he did not trust to its ultimately saving him from any return of Raffles, he had concluded that it was the best throw he could make. It succeeded in enforcing submission from the jaded man this morning. His empoisoned system at this moment quailed before Bulls Trod's cold, resolute bearing, and it was taken off quietly in the carriage before the family breakfast time. The servants imagined him to be a poor relation, and were not surprised that a strict man like their master, who held his head high in the world, should be ashamed of such a cousin, and want to get rid of him. The banker's drive of ten miles with his hated companion was a dreary beginning of the Christmas day, but at the end of the drive Raffles had recovered his spirits, and parted in a contentment for which there was the good reason that the banker had given him a hundred pounds. Various motives urged Bulls Trod to this open-handedness, but he did not himself inquire closely into all of them. As he had stood watching Raffles in his uneasy sleep, it had certainly entered his mind that the man had been much shattered since the first gift of two hundred pounds. He had taken care to repeat the incisive statement of his resolve not to be played on any more, and had tried to penetrate Raffles with the fact that he had shown the risks of bribing him to be quite equal to the risks of defying him. But when, freed from his repulsive presence, Bulls Trod returned to his quiet home, he brought with him no confidence that he had secured more than a respite. It was as if he had had a loathsome dream and could not shake off its images with their hateful kindred of sensations, as if on all the pleasant surroundings of his life a dangerous reptile had left his slimy traces. Who can know how much of his most inward life is made up of the thoughts he believes other men to have about him, until that fabric of opinion is threatened with ruin? Bulls Trod was only the more conscious that there was a deposit of uneasy presentment in his wife's mind because she carefully avoided any allusion to it. He'd been used every day to taste the flavour of supremacy and the tribute of complete deference, and the certainty that he was watched or measured with a hidden suspicion of his having some discreditable secret made his voice totter when he was speaking to edification. For seeing to men of Bulls Trod's anxious temperament is often worse than seeing, and his imagination continually heightened the anguish of an imminent disgrace. Yes, imminent, for if his defiance of raffles did not keep the man away, and though he prayed for this result he hardly hoped for it, the disgrace was certain. In vain he said to himself that if permitted it would be a divine visitation, a chastisement, a preparation. He recoiled from the imagined burning, and he judged that it must be more for the divine glory that he should escape dishonour. That recoil had at last urged him to make preparations for quitting middle-march. If evil truth must be reported of him he would then be at a less scorching distance from the contempt of his old neighbours, and in a new scene where his life would not have gathered the same wide sensibility, the tormentor, if he pursued him, would be less formidable. To leave the place finally would he knew be extremely painful to his wife, and on other grounds he would have preferred to stay where he struck root. Hence he made his preparations at first in a conditional way, wishing to leave on all sides an opening for his return after brief absence, if any favourable intervention of provenance should dissipate his fears. He was preparing to transfer his management of the bank, and to give up any active control of other commercial affairs in the neighbourhood, on the ground of his failing health, but without excluding his future resumption of such work. The measure would cause him some added expense and some diminution of income beyond what he had already undergone from the general depression of trade, and the hospital presented itself as a principal object of outlay on which he could fairly economise. This was the experience which had determined his conversation with Litgate, but at this time his arrangements had most of them gone no farther than a stage at which he could recall them if they proved to be unnecessary. He continually deferred the final steps, in the midst of his fears, like many a man who is in danger of shipwreck, or of being dashed from his carriage by runaway horses, he had a clinging impression that something would happen to him that the worst, and that to spoil his life by a late transplantation, might be over-hasty, especially since it was difficult to account satisfactorily to his wife for the project of their indefinite exile from the only place where she would like to live. Among the affairs Bilstrode had to care for was the management of the farm at Stonecourt in case of his absence, and on this as well as on all other matters, connected with any houses and land he possessed in or about Middlemarch, he had consulted Caleb Garth. Like everyone else who had business of that sort, he wanted to get the agent who was more anxious for his employer's interests than his own. With regard to Stonecourt, since Bilstrode wished to retain his hold on the stock and to have an arrangement by which he himself could, if he chose, resume his favoured recreation of superintendents, Caleb had advised him not to trust to a mere bailiff but to let the land stock and implements yearly and take a proportionate share of the proceeds. May I trust to you to find me a tenant on these terms, Mr. Garth, said Bilstrode, and will you mention to me the yearly sum which would repay you for managing these affairs which we have discussed together? I'll think about it, said Caleb in a blunt way. I'll see how I can make it out. If it had not been that he had to consider Fred Vincy's future, Mr. Garth would not probably have been glad of any addition to his work, of which his wife was always fearing an excess for him as he grew older. But on quitting Bilstrode after that conversation, a very alluring idea occurred to him about this said letting of Stonecourt. What if Bilstrode would agree to his placing Fred Vincy there on the understanding that he, Caleb Garth, should be responsible for the management? It would be an excellent schooling for Fred. He might make a modest income there and still have time left to get knowledge by helping in other business. He mentioned his notion to Mrs. Garth with such evident delight that she could not bear to chill his pleasure by expressing her constant fear of his undertaking too much. The lad would be as happy as two, he said, throwing himself back in his chair and looking radiant. If I could tell him it was all settled, think, Susan, his mind had been running on that place for years before Old Featherstone died, and it would be as pretty a turn of things as could be that he should hold the place in a good industrious way after all, by his taking to business. For it's likely enough Bilstrode might let him go on and gradually buy the stock. He has made up his mind, I can see, whether or not he shall settle somewhere else as the lasting thing. I never was better pleased with the notion in my life, and then the children might be married by and by, Susan. You will not give any hint of the plan to Fred until you are sure that Bilstrode would agree to the plan, said Mrs. Garth, in a tone of gentle caution, and as to marriage, Caleb, we old people need not help to hasten it. Oh, I don't know, said Caleb, swinging his head aside. Marriage is a taming thing. Fred would want less of my bid and bridal. However, I shall say nothing till I know the ground I'm treading on. I shall speak to Bilstrode again. He took his earliest opportunity of doing so. Bilstrode had anything but a warm interest in his nephew, Fred Vincy, but he had a strong wish to secure Mr. Garth's services on many scattered points of business, at which he was sure to be a considerable loser if they were under less conscientious management. On that ground he made no objection to Mr. Garth's proposal, and there was also another reason why he was not sorry to give a consent which was to benefit one of the Vincy family. It was that Mrs. Bilstrode, having heard of Lidgate's deaths, had been anxious to know whether her husband could not do something for poor Rosamond, and had been much troubled on learning from him that Lidgate's affairs were not easily remediable, and that the wisest plan was to let them take their calls. Mrs. Bilstrode had then said for the first time, I think you are always a little hard towards my family, Nicholas, and I am sure I have no reason to deny any of my relatives. Too worldly they may be, but no one ever had to say that they were not respectable. My dear Harriet, except Mr. Bilstrode, wincing under his wife's eyes which were filling with tears, I have supplied your brother with a great deal of capital. I cannot be expected to take care of his married children. That seemed to be true, and Mrs. Bilstrode's remonstrance subsided into pity for poor Rosamond, whose extravagant education she had always foreseen the fruits of. But remembering that dialogue, Mr. Bilstrode felt that when he had to talk to his wife fully about his plan of quitting Middlemarch, he should be glad to tell her that he had made an arrangement which might be for the good of her nephew Fred. At present he had merely mentioned to her that he thought of shutting up the shrubs for a few months, and taking a house on the southern coast. Hence Mr. Garth got the assurance he desired, namely that in case of Bilstrode's departure from Middlemarch for an indefinite time, Fred Vinci should be allowed to have the tenancy of stone called on the terms proposed. Caleb was so elated with his hope of this neat turn being given to things, that if his self-control had not been brazed by a little affectionate, wifely scolding, he would have betrayed everything to Mary, wanting to give the child comfort. However he restrained himself and kept in strict privacy from Fred certain visits which he was making to stone called in order to look more thoroughly into the state of the land and stock and take a preliminary estimate. He was certainly more eager in these visits than the probable speed of events required him to be, but he was stimulated by a fatherly delight in occupying his mind with this bit of probable happiness which he held in store like a hidden birthday gift for Fred and Mary. But suppose the whole scheme should turn out to be a castle in the air, said Mrs. Garth. Well well, replied Caleb, the castle will tumble about nobody's head. End of Chapter 68. Mr. Bulstrode was still seated in his manager's room at the bank about three o'clock of the same day on which he had received Lidgate there, when the clerk entered to say that his horse was waiting and also that Mr. Garth was outside and begged to speak with him. By all means, said Bulstrode, and Caleb entered. Pray, sit down, Mr. Garth, continued the banger in his swabbest tone. I am glad that you arrived just in time to find me here. I know you count your minutes. Oh! said Caleb gently, with a slow swing of his head on one side, as he seated himself and laid his hat on the floor. He looked at the ground, leaning forward and letting his long fingers droop between his legs, while each finger moved in succession as if it were sharing some thought which filled his large, quiet brow. Mr. Bulstrode, like everyone else who knew Caleb, was used to his slowness in beginning to speak on any topic which he felt to be important, and rather expected that he was about to recur to the buying of some houses in Blindman's Court for the sake of pulling them down, as a sacrifice of property which would be well repaid by the influx of air and light on that spot. It was by propositions of this kind that Caleb was sometimes troublesome to his employers, but he had usually found Bulstrode ready to meet him in projects of improvement, and they had got on well together. When he spoke again, however, it was to say, in rather a subdued voice—I have just come away from Stone Court, Mr. Bulstrode. You found nothing wrong there, I hope, said the banker. I was there myself yesterday. Abel has done well with the lambs this year. Why, yes, said Caleb looking up gravely. But there is something wrong. A stranger who is very ill, I think. He wants a doctor, and I came to tell you of that. His name is Raffles. He saw the shock of his words passing through Bulstrode's frame. On this subject the banker had thought that his fears were too constantly on the watch to be taken by surprise, but he had been mistaken. Poor wretch! he said in a compassionate tone, though his lips trembled a little. Do you know how he came there? I took him myself, said Caleb quietly, took him up in my gig. He had got down from the coach, and was walking a little beyond the turn and from the toll-house, and I overtook him. He remembered seeing me with you once before at Stone Court, and he asked me to take him on. I saw he was ill—it seemed to me the right thing to do—to carry him under shelter. And now I think you should lose no time and get an advice for him. Caleb took up his hat from the floor as he ended, and rose slowly from his seat. But certainly, said Bulstrode, whose mind was very active at this moment, perhaps you will yourself oblige me, Mr. Garth, by calling it Mr. Lidgates as you pass, or stay—he may be at this hour, probably at the hospital—I will first send my man on the horse there with a note this instant, and then I will myself ride to Stone Court. Bulstrode quickly wrote a note, and went out himself to give the commission to his man. When he returned, Caleb was standing as before with one hand on the back of the chair, holding his hat with the other. In Bulstrode's mind the dominant thought was, perhaps Raffles only spoke to Garth of his illness. Garth may wonder, as he must have done before, at this disreputable fellow's claiming intimacy with me, but he will know nothing, and he is friendly to me. I can be of use to him. He longed for some confirmation of this hopeful conjecture, but to have asked any question as to what Raffles had said or done would have been to betray fear. I am exceedingly obliged to you, Mr. Garth, he said in his usual tone of politeness. My servant will be back in a few minutes, and I shall then go myself to see what can be done for this unfortunate man. Perhaps you had some other business with me? If so, pray be seated. Thank you, said Caleb, making a slight gesture with his right hand, to waive the invitation. I wish to say, Mr. Bulstrode, that I must request you to put your business into some other hands than mine. I am obliged to you for your handsome way of meeting me, about the letting and sewn court and all other businesses, but I must give it up. A sharp certainty entered like a stab into Bulstrode's soul. This is sudden, Mr. Garth, was all he could say at first. It is, said Caleb, but it is quite fixed. I must give it up. He spoke with a firmness, which was very gentle, and yet he could see that Bulstrode seemed to cower under that gentleness, his face looking dried and his eyes swerving away from the glance which rested on him. Caleb felt a deep pity for him, but he could have used no pretext to account for his resolve, even if they would have been of any use. You have been led to this, I apprehend, by some slanders concerning me uttered by that unhappy creature? said Bulstrode, anxious now to know the utmost. That is true. I can't deny that I act upon what I owed from him. You are a conscientious man, Mr. Garth, a man I trust who feels himself accountable to God. You would not wish to injure me by being too ready to believe a slander, said Bulstrode, casting about for please that might be adapted to his hero's mind. That is a poor reason for giving up a connection which I think I may say will be mutually beneficial. I would injure no man if I could help it, said Caleb, even if I thought God winked at it. I hope I should have a feeling for my fellow creature. But, sir, I am obliged to believe that this raffles has told me the truth, and I can't be happy working with you or profiting by you. It hurts my mind. I must beg you to seek another agent. Very well, Mr. Garth. But I must at least claim to know the worst that he has told you. I must know what is the foul speech that I am liable to be the victim of. Said Bulstrode, a certain amount of anger beginning to mingle with his humiliation before this quiet man, who renounced his benefits. That's needless, said Caleb, waving his hand, bowing his head slightly, and not swerving from the tone which had in it the merciful intention to spare this pitiable man. What he has said to me will never pass from my lips, unless something now unknown forces it from me. If you led arm for life for gain, and kept others out of their rights by deceit, to give more for yourself, I dare say you repent. You would like to go back and can't. That must be a bitter thing. Caleb passed a moment and shook his head. It is not for me to make your life harder for you. But you do. You do make it harder to me, said Bulstrode, constrained into a genuine pleading cry. You make it harder to me by turning your back on me. That I am forced to do, said Caleb, still more gently, lifting up his hand. I am sorry. I don't judge you and say he is wicked and I am righteous. God forbid. I don't know everything. A man may do wrong, and his will may rise clear out of it, though he can't get his life clear. That's a bad punishment. If it is so with you, well, I am very sorry for you. But I have that feeling inside me that I can't go on working with you. That's all, Mr. Bulstrode. Everything else is buried, as far as my will goes, and I wish you good day. One moment, Mr. Garth, said Bulstrode hurdly. I may trust, then, to your solemn assurance that you will not repeat either to man or woman what, even if it have any degree of truth in it, is yet a malicious representation. Caleb's wrath was stirred, and he said indignantly, Why should I have said it if I didn't mean it? I am in no fear of you. Such tales as that will never tempt my tongue. Excuse me, I am agitated. I am the victim of this abandoned man. Stop a bit. You've got to consider whether you didn't help to make him worse when you profited by his vices. You are wronging me by too readily believing him," said Bulstrode, oppressed as by a nightmare, with the inability to deny flatly what raffles might have said, and yet feeling it an escape that Caleb had not so stated it to him as to ask for that flat denial. No, said Caleb, lifting his hand depreciatingly. I am ready to believe better, when better is proved. I rob you of no good chance. As to speaking, I all did a crime to expose a man's sin, and as I am clear it must be done to save the innocent, that is my way of thinking, Mr. Bulstrode, and what I say I've no need to swear, I wish you good day. Some hours later, when he was at home, Caleb said to his wife, incidentally, that he had had some little differences with Bulstrode, and that in consequence he had given up all notion of taking stone court, and indeed had resigned doing further business for him. He was disposed to interfere too much, was he? Said Mrs. Garth, imagining that her husband had been touched on his sensitive point, and not been allowed to do what he thought right as to the materials and modes of work. Oh! said Caleb, bowing his head and waving his hand gravely, and Mrs. Garth knew that this was a sign of his not intending to speak further on the subject. As for Bulstrode, he had almost immediately mounted his horse and set off for stone court, being anxious to arrive there before Lidgate. His mind was crowded with images and conjectures which were a language to his hopes and fears, just as we hear tones from the vibrations which shake our whole system. The deep humiliation with which he had winced under Caleb Garth's knowledge of his past, and rejection of his patronage, alternated with, and almost gave way to the sense of safety in the fact that Garth, and no other, had been the man to whom Raffles had spoken. It seemed to him, a sort of earnest, that Providence intended his rescue from worse consequences, the way being thus left open for the hope of secrecy. That Raffles should be afflicted with illness, that he should have been led to stone court rather than elsewhere. Bulstrode's heart fluttered at the vision of probabilities which these events conjured up. If it should turn out that he was freed from all danger of disgrace, if he could breathe in perfect liberty, his life should be more consecrated than it had ever been before. He mentally lifted up this vow as if it would urge the result he longed for. He tried to believe in the potency of that prayerful resolution, its potency to determine death. He knew that he ought to say, Thy will be done, and he said it often. But the intense desire remained that the will of God might be the death of that hated man. Yet when he arrived at stone court he could not see the change in Raffles without a shock. But for his pallor and feebleness, Bulstrode would have called the change in him entirely mental. Instead of his loud, tormenting mood, he showed an intense, vague terror, and seemed to deprecate Bulstrode's anger because the money was all gone. He had been robbed. It had half of it been taken from him. He had only come here because he was ill and somebody was hunting him. Somebody was after him. He had told nobody anything. He had kept his mouth shut. Bulstrode, not knowing the significance of these symptoms, interpreted this new, nervous susceptibility into a means of alarming Raffles into true confessions, and taxed him with falsehood in saying that he had not told anything, since he had just told the man who took him up in his gig and brought him to stone court. Raffles denied this with solemn adoration, the fact being that the links of consciousness were interrupted in him, and that his minute, terror-stricken narrative to Caleb Garth had been delivered under a set of visionary impulses which had dropped back into darkness. Bulstrode's heart sank again at this sign that he could get no grasp over the wretched man's mind, and that no word of Raffles could be trusted as to the fact which he almost wanted to know—namely, whether or not he had really kept silence to everyone in the neighbourhood except Caleb Garth. The housekeeper had told him, without the least constraint of manner, that since Mr. Garth left, Raffles had asked her for beer, and after that had not spoken, seemingly very ill. On that side it might be concluded that there had been no betrayal. Mrs. Abel thought, like the servants at the shrubs, that the strange man belonged to the unpleasant kin who were among the troubles of the rich. She had, at first, referred the kinship to Mr. Rigg, and where there was property left. The buzzing presence of such large blue bottles seemed natural enough. But how he could be kin to Bulstrode as well was not so clear, but Mrs. Abel agreed with her husband that there was no knowing, a proposition which had a great deal of mental food for her, so that she shook her head over it without further speculation. In less than an hour Lidgate arrived. Bulstrode met him outside the wainscoted parlour, where Raffles was, and said, I have called you in, Mr. Lidgate, to an unfortunate man, who was once in my employment many years ago. Afterwards he went to America, and returned, I fear, to an idle, dissolute life. Being destitute, he has a claim on me. He was slightly connected with Rigg, the former owner of this place, and in consequence found his way here. Believe he is seriously ill, apparently his mind is affected, I feel bound to do the utmost for him. Lidgate, who had the remembrance of his last conversation with Bulstrode strongly upon him, was not disposed to say any unnecessary word to him, and bowed slightly in answer to this count. But just before entering the room, he turned automatically and said, What is his name? To know names, being as much part of the medical man's accomplishment as of the practical politicians, a Raffles, John Raffles, said Bulstrode, who hoped that whatever became of Raffles Lidgate would never know any more of him. When he had thoroughly examined and considered the patient, Lidgate ordered that he should go to bed, and be kept there in as complete quiet as possible, and then went with Bulstrode into another room. It is a serious case, I apprehend, said the banker, before Lidgate began to speak. No, and yes, said Lidgate, half dubiously. It is difficult to decide as to the possible effect of longstanding complications, but the man has a robust constitution to begin with. I should not expect this attack to be fatal, though, of course, the system is in a ticklish state. He should be well watched, and attended to. I will remain here myself, said Bulstrode. Mrs. Abel and her husband are inexperienced. I can easily remain here for the night. If you will oblige me by taking a note for Mrs. Bulstrode? I should think that is hardly necessary. Said Lidgate, he seems tame and terrified enough. He might become more unmanageable, but there is a man here. Is there not? I have more than once stayed here a few nights for the sake of seclusion, said Bulstrode, indifferently. I am quite disposed to do so now. Mrs. Abel and her husband can relieve or aid me, if necessary. Very well. Then I need to give my directions only to you, said Lidgate, not feeling surprised at a little peculiarity in Bulstrode. You think, then, that the case is hopeful? Said Bulstrode, when it Lidgate had ended giving his orders. Unless there turn out to be further complications, such as I am not at present detected, yes, said Lidgate. He may pass on to a worse stage, but I should not wonder if he got better in a few days, by adhering to the treatment I have prescribed. There must be firmness. Remember, if he calls for liqueurs of any sort, not to give them to him. In my opinion, men in his condition are often are killed by treatment than by the disease. Still, new symptoms may arise. I shall come again tomorrow morning. After waiting for the note to be carried to Mrs. Bulstrode, Lidgate rode away, forming no conjectures, in the first instance, about the history of raffles, but rehearsing the whole argument, which had lately been much stirred by the publication of Dr. Ware's abundant experience in America, as to the right way of treating cases of alcoholic poisoning, such as this. Lidgate, when abroad, had already been interested in this question. He was strongly convinced against the prevalent practice of allowing alcohol and persistently administering large doses of opium, and he had repeatedly acted on this conviction with a favourable result. The man is in a diseased state, he thought, but there's a good deal of ware in him still. I suppose he is an object of charity to Bulstrode. It is curious what patches of hardness and tenderness lie side by side in men's dispositions. Bulstrode seems the most unsympathetic fellow I ever saw, about some people, and yet he has taken no end of trouble and spent a great deal of money on benevolent objects. I suppose he has some test by which he finds out whom heaven cares for. He has made up his mind that it doesn't care for me. This streak of bitterness came from a plenteous source, and kept widening in the current of his thoughts as he neared Lidgate. He had not been there since his first interview with Bulstrode in the morning, having been found at the hospital by the banker's messenger, and for the first time he was returning to his home without the vision of any expedient in the background, which left him a hope of raising money enough to deliver him from the coming destitution of everything which made his married life tolerable—everything which saved him and Rosamond from that bare isolation in which they would be forced to recognise how little of a comfort they could be to each other. It was more bearable to do without tenderness for himself than to see that his own tenderness could make no amends for the lack of other things to her. The sufferings of his own pride from humiliations past and to come were keen enough, yet they were hardly distinguishable to himself from that more acute pain which dominated them—the pain of foreseeing that Rosamond would come to regard him chiefly as the cause of disappointment and unhappiness to her. He had never liked the makeshifts of poverty, and they had never before entered into his prospects for himself. But he was beginning now to imagine how two creatures who loved each other and how to stalk of thoughts in common might laugh over their shabby furniture and their calculations how far they could afford butter and eggs. But the glimpse of that poverty seemed as far off from him as the carelessness of the golden age. In poor Rosamond's mind there was not room enough for luxuries to look small in. He got down from his horse in a very sad and went into the house not expecting to be cheered except by his dinner, and reflecting that before the evening closed it would be wise to tell Rosamond of his application to bullstroke and its failure. It would be well not to lose time in preparing her for the worse. But his dinner waited long for him before he was able to eat it, or on entering he found that Dover's agent had already put a man in the house, and when he asked where Mrs. Lidgate was he was told that she was in her bedroom. He went up and found her stretched on the bed, pale and silent, without an answer even in her face to any word or look of his. He sat down by the bed and leaning over her, said, with almost a cry of prayer—forgive me for this misery, my poor Rosamond, but let us only love one another. She looked at him silently, still with the blank stare on her face. But then the tears began to fill her blue eyes and her lip trembled. The strong man had had too much to bear that day. He let his head fall beside hers and sobbed. He did not hinder her from going to her father early in the morning. It seemed now that he ought not to hinder her from doing as she pleased. In half an hour she came back and said that Papa and Mama wished her to go and stay with them, while things were in this miserable state. Papa said he could do nothing about the debt. If he paid this there would be half a dozen more. She had better come back home again, until Lidgate had got a comfortable home for her. —Do you object, Ashes? —Do as you like, said Lidgate, but things are not coming to a crisis immediately. There is no hurry. —I should not go till to-morrow, said Rosamond. I shall want to pack my clothes. Oh, I would wait a little longer than to-morrow. There is no knowing what may happen, said Lidgate, with bitter irony. I may get my neck broken, and that may make things easier to you. It was Lidgate's misfortune, and Rosamond's too, that his tenderness towards her, which was both an emotional prompting and a well-considered resolve, was inevitably interrupted by these outbursts of indignation, either ironical or a monstrant. She thought them totally unwarranted, and the repulsion, which this exceptional severity excited in her, was in danger of making the more persistent tenderness unacceptable. —I see you do not wish me to go, said she said, with chill mildness. Why can you not say so without that kind of violence? I shall stay until you request me to do otherwise. —Lidgate said no more, but went on his rounds. He felt bruised and shattered, and there was a dark line under his eyes which Rosamond had not seen before. She could not bear to look at him. Tertius had a way of taking things which made them a great deal worse for her. —END OF CHAPTER 69 Chapter 70 Our Dean still travel with us from afar, and what we have been makes us what we are. —Bolsteroe's first object after Lidgate had left Stonecourt was to examine Ruffus's pockets, which he imagined were sure to carry signs in the shape of hotel-bills of the places he had stopped in, if he had not told the truth in saying that he had come straight from Liverpool because he was ill and had no money. There were various bills crowned into his pocket-book, but none of a later date than Christmas, at any other place, except one, which bore date that morning. This was crumbled up with a hand-bill about a horse-fare in one of his tail-pockets, and represented the cost of three days stay at an inn at Bilkley, where the fare was held, a town at least forty miles from Middle March. The bill was heavy, and since Raffles had no luggage with him it seemed probable that he had left his portmanteau behind in payment in order to save money for his travelling fare, for his purse was empty and he had only a couple of sixpences and some loose pence in his pockets. Bolsteroed gathered a sense of safety from these indications that Raffles had really kept at a distance from Middle March, since his memorable visit at Christmas. At a distance, and among people who were strangers to Bolsteroed, what satisfaction could there be to Raffles's tormenting, self-magnifying vein in telling old scandalous stories about a Middle March banker? And what harm if he did talk? The chief point now was to keep watch over him as long as there was any danger of that intelligible raving, that unaccountable impulse to tell, which seemed to have acted towards Caleb Garth, and Bolsteroed felt much anxiety, lest some such impulse should come over him at the site of Lidgate. He sat up alone with him through the night, only ordering the housekeeper to lie down in her clothes, so as to be ready when he called her, alleging his own indisposition to sleep, and his anxiety to carry out the doctor's orders. He did carry them out faithfully, although Raffles was incessantly asking for Brandy, and declaring that he was sinking away, that the earth was sinking away from under him. He was restless and sleepless, but still quailing and manageable. On the offer of the food ordered by Lidgate, which he refused, and the denial of other things which he demanded, he seemed to concentrate all his terror on Bolsteroed, imploringly depreciating his anger, his revenge on him by starvation, and declaring with strong oaths that he had never told any mortal a word against him. Even this Bolsteroed felt that he could not have liked Lidgate to hear, but a more alarming sign of fitful alteration in his delirium was that in the morning twilight Raffles suddenly seemed to imagine a doctor present, addressing him, and declaring that Bolsteroed wanted to starve him to death out of revenge for telling, when he never had told. Bolsteroed's native imperiousness and strength of determination served him well. This delicate-looking man, himself nervously perturbed, found the needed stimulus in his strenuous circumstances, and through that difficult night and morning, while he had the air of an animated corpse, returned to movement without warmth, holding the mastery by its chill in passability, his mind was intensely at work, thinking of what he had to guard against and what would win him security. Whatever prayers he might lift up, whatever statements he might inwardly make of this man's wretched spiritual condition, and this duty he himself was under to submit to the punishment divinely appointed for him, rather than to wish for evil to another, through all this effort to condense words into a solid mental state, there pierced and spread with irresistible vividness the images of the events he desired, and in the train of those images came their apology. He could not but see the death of raffles and see it in his own deliverance. What was the removal of this wretched creature? He was impenitent, but were not public criminals impenitent? Yet the law decided on their fate. Should Providence, in this case, award death, there was no sin in contemplating death as the desirable issue, if he kept his hands from hastening it, if he scrupulously did what was prescribed? Even here there might be a mistake. Human perceptions were fallible things. Lydgate had said that treatment had hastened death. Why not his own method of treatment? But, of course, intention was everything in the question of right and wrong. And Bolsteroad set himself to keep his intention separate from his desire. He inwardly declared that he intended to obey orders. Why should he have got into any argument about the validity of these orders? It was only the common trick of desire, which avails itself of any irrelevant skepticism, finding larger room for itself in all uncertainty about effects. In every obscurity that looks like the absence of law. Still, he did obey the orders. His anxieties continually glanced toward Lydgate, and his remembrance of what had taken place between them the morning before was accompanied with sensibilities which had not been roused at all during the actual scene. He had then cared but little about Lydgate's painful impressions with regard to the suggested change in the hospital, or about the disposition towards himself which what he held to be his justifiable refusal of a rather exorbitant request might call forth. He recurred to the scene now with a perception that he had probably made Lydgate his enemy, and with an awakened desire to propitiate him, or rather to create in him a strong sense of personal obligation. He regretted that he had not at once made even an unreasonable money sacrifice. For, in case of unpleasant suspicions, or even knowledge gathered from the raving raffles, Bolsteroad would have felt that he had a defence in Lydgate's mind by having conferred a momentous benefit on him. But the regret had perhaps come too late. Strange, piteous conflict in the soul of this unhappy man, who had longed for years to be better than he was, who had taken his selfish passions into discipline and clad them in severe robes so that he had walked with them as a devout choir, till now that a terror had risen among them, and they could charge no longer, but threw out their common cries for safety. It was nearly the middle of the day before Lydgate arrived. He had meant to come earlier, but had been detained, he said, and his shattered looks were noticed by Bolsteroad. But he immediately threw himself into the consideration of the patient, and inquired it strictly into all that had occurred. Raffles was worse, would take hardly any food, was persistently wakeful and restlessly raving, but still not violent. Contrary to Bolsteroad's alarmed expectation, he took little notice of Lydgate's presence, and continued to talk or murmur inquirently. What do you think of him? said Bolsteroad in private. The symptoms are worse. You are less hopeful? No, I think he may still come round. Are you going to stay here yourself? said Lydgate, looking at Bolsteroad with an abrupt question, which made him uneasy, though in reality it was not due to any suspicious conjecture. Yes, I think so, said Bolsteroad, governing himself, and speaking with deliberation. Mrs. Bolsteroad is advised of the reasons which detain me, Mrs. Abel and her husband are not experienced enough to be left quite alone, and its kind of responsibility is scarcely included in their service to me. You have some fresh instructions, I presume? The chief new instruction that Lydgate had given was the administration of extremely moderate doses of opium, in case of the sleetlessness, continuing after several hours. He had taken the precaution of bringing opium in his pocket, and he gave minute directions to Bolsteroad as to the doses, and the point at which they should cease. He insisted on the risk of not ceasing, and repeated his order that no alcohol should be given. From what I see of the case, he ended, Narcotism is the only thing I should be much afraid of. He may wear through even without much food. There's a good deal of strength in him. You look ill yourself, Mr. Lydgate, a most unusual, I may say, unprecedented thing in my knowledge of you. Said Bolsteroad, showing a solicitude as unlike his indifference the day before, as his present recklessness about his own fatigue was unlike his habitual self-cherishing anxiety. I fear you are harassed. Yes, I am. Said Lydgate brusquely, holding his hat, and ready to go. Something new, I fear. Said Bolsteroad, pray you be seated. No, thank you. Said Lydgate with some hot hair. I mentioned to you yesterday what was the state of my affairs. There is nothing to add except that the execution has since been actually put into my house. One can tell a good deal of trouble in a short sentence. I will say good morning. Stay, Mr. Lydgate, stay. Said Bolsteroad, I have been reconsidering this subject. I was yesterday taken by surprise and sought superficially. Mrs. Bolsteroad is anxious for her niece, and I myself should grieve at a calamitous change in your position. Claims on me are numerous, but on reconsideration I esteem it right that I should incur a small sacrifice rather than leave you unaided. You said I think that a thousand pounds would suffice entirely to free you from your burdens, and enable you to recover firm sand? Yes, said Lydgate, a great leap of joy within him surrounding every other feeling. That would pay all my debts, and leave me a little on hand. I could set about economising our way of living, and by and by my practice my look up. If you await a moment, Mr. Lydgate, I will draw a check to that amount. I am aware that help to be effectual in these cases should be thorough. While Bolsteroad wrote, Lydgate turned to the window, thinking of his home, thinking of his life, with its good start saved from frustration, its good purposes still unbroken. You can give me a note of hand for this, Mr. Lydgate, said the banker, advancing towards him with the check, and by and by I hope you may be in circumstances gradually to repay me. Meanwhile I have the pleasure in thinking that you will be released from further difficulty. I am deeply obliged to you, said Lydgate. You have restored to me the prospect of working with some happiness and some chance of good. It appeared to him a very natural movement in Bolsteroad that he should have reconsidered his refusal. It corresponded with the more magnificent side of his character. But as he put his hack into a canter that he might get the sooner home, and tell the good news to Rosemond, and get cash at the bank to pay over to Dover's agent, that crossed his mind, with an unpleasant impression, as from a dark winged flight of evil or gray across his vision, the thought of that contrast in himself which a few months had brought, that he should be overjoyed at being under a strong personal obligation, that he should be overjoyed at getting money for himself from Bolsteroad. The banker felt that he had done something to nullify one cause of uneasiness, and yet he was scarcely the easier. He did not measure the quantity of diseased motive which had made him wish for Lydgate's good will, but the quantity was none the less actively there, like an irritating agent in his blood. A man vows and yet will not cast away the means of breaking his vow. Is it that he distinctly means to break it? Not at all. But the desires which tend to break it are at work in him dimly, and make their way into his imagination, and relax his muscles in the very movement when he is telling himself over again the reasons for his vow. Raffles recovering quickly, returning to the free use of his odious powers, how could Bolsteroad wish for that? Raffles dead was the image that brought release, and indirectly he prayed for that way of release, beseeching that if it were possible, the rest of his days here below be freed from the threat of that ignominy which would break him utterly as an instrument of God's service. Lydgate's opinion was not on the side of promise that this prayer would be fulfilled, and as the day advanced Bolsteroad felt himself getting irritated at the persistent life in this man, whom he would feign have been sinking into the silence of death, the imperious will stirred murderous impulses towards this brute life, over which will by itself had no power. He said inwardly that he was getting too much worn. He would not set up with the patient tonight, but leave him to Mrs. Abel, who, if necessary, could call her husband. At six o'clock, Raffles, having had only fitful, perturbed snatches of sleep, from which he waked with fresh restlessness and perpetual cries that he was sinking away, Bolsteroad began to administer the opium, according to Lydgate's directions. At the end of half an hour or more he called Mrs. Abel, and told her that he found himself unfit for further watching. He must now consign the patient to her care, and he proceeded to repeat to her Lydgate's directions as to the quantity of each dose. Mrs. Abel had not before known anything of Lydgate's prescriptions. She had simply prepared and brought whatever Bolsteroad ordered, and had done what he pointed out to her. She began now to ask what else she should do besides administering the opium. Nothing at present, except the offer of the soup or the soda water. You can come to me for further directions. Unless there is any important change, I shall not come into the room again to-night. You will ask your husband for help if necessary. I must go to bed early. You must need, sir, I am sure," said Mrs. Abel, and to take something more strengthening than what you have done. Bolsteroad went away now, without anxiety as to what Raffles might say in his raving, which had taken on a muttering incoherence not likely to create any dangerous belief. He went down into the wainscoted parlor first, and began to consider whether he would not have his horse saddled and go home by the moonlight and give up caring for earthly consequences. Then he wished that he had begged Lydgate to come again that evening. Perhaps he might deliver a different opinion and think that Raffles was getting into a less hopeful state. Should he send for Lydgate? If Raffles were really getting worse and slowly dying, Bolsteroad felt that he could go to bed and sleep in gratitude to Providence. But was he worse? Lydgate might come and simply say that he was going on as expected, and predict that he would, by and by, have fallen to a good sleep and get well. What was the use of sending for him? Bolsteroad shrank from that result. No ideas or opinions could hinder him from seeing the one probability to be that Raffles recovered would be just the same man as before, with his strength as a tormentor renewed, obliging him to drag away his wife to spend her years apart from her friends at native place, carrying an alienating suspicion against him in her heart. He had sat an hour and a half in this conflict by the firelight only, when a sudden thought made him rise and light the bed candle which he had brought down with him. The thought was that he had not told Mrs. Abel when the dose of the opium must cease. He took hold of the candlestick, but stood motionless for a long while. She might already have given him more than Lydgate had prescribed, but it was excusable in him that he should forget part of an order in his present wearied condition. He walked upstairs, candle in hand, not knowing whether he should straightaway enter his own room and go to bed, or turn to the patient's room and rectify his omission. He paused in the passage, with his face turned towards Raffles' room, and he could hear him moaning and murmuring. He was not asleep then. Who could know that Lydgate's prescription would not be better disobeyed than followed, since there was still no sleep? He turned into his own room. Before he had quite undressed, Mrs. Abel rapped at the door. He opened it an inch, so that he could hear her speak low. If you please, sir, should I have no brandy, nor nothing to give the poor creature? He feels sinking away, and nothing else will he swallow. And but little strength in it, if he did, only the opium, and he says more and more he's sinking down through the earth. To her surprise, Bullsdrow did not answer. A struggle was going on within him. I think he must die if I want to support if he goes on in that way. When I nursed my poor master, Mr. Robinson, I had to give him port wine and brandy constant, and a big glass at a time. I did, Mrs. Abel, with a touch of remonstrance in her town. But again, Mr. Bullsdrow did not answer immediately, and she continued, It's not time to spare when people are at death's door, nor would you wish it, sir, I'm sure, else I should give him your own bottle of rum as weak he'd buy us, but to sit her up as you've been, and do everything as laid in your power? Here a key was thrust through the inch of doorway, and Mr. Bullsdrow had said, huskily, that is the key to the wine-cooler. You will find plenty of brandy there. Early in the morning, about six, Mr. Bullsdrow rose, and spent some time in prayer. Does anyone suppose that private prayer is necessarily candid, necessarily goes to the roots of action? Private prayer is inaudible speech, and speech is representative. Who can represent himself just as he is, even in his own reflections? Bullsdrow had not yet unraveled in his thought the confused promptings of the last four and twenty hours. He listened in the passage, and could hear hard, statorious breathing. Then he walked out in the garden, and looked at the early rhyme on the grass and fresh spring leaves. When he re-entered the house, he felt startled at the sight of Mrs. Abel. How is your patient? Asleep, I think? He said with an attempt at cheerfulness in his tone. He's gone very deep, sir. Said Mrs. Abel, he went off gradual between three and four o'clock. Would you please to go and look at him? I thought it no harm to leave him. My man's gone field, and the little girl's seen to the kettles. Bullsdrow'd went up. At a glance he knew that Abel's was not in the sleep which brings revival, but in the sleep which streams deeper and deeper into the Gulf of Death. He looked round the room, and saw a bottle with some brandy in it, and the almost empty opium file. He put the file out of sight, and carried the brandy bottle downstairs with him, logging it again in the wine-cooler. While breakfasting he considered whether he should ride to Middlemarch at once, or wait for Lidgate's arrival. He decided to wait, and told Mrs. Abel that she might go about her work he could watch in the bed-chamber. As he sat there, and beheld the enemy of his peace going irrevocably into silence, he felt more at rest than he had done for many months. His conscience was soothed by the unfolding wing of secrecy which seemed just then like an angel sent down for his relief. He drew out his pocket-book, to review various memoranda there as to the arrangements he had projected, and partly carried out in the prospect of quitting Middlemarch, and considered how far he would let them stand or recall them, now that his absence would be brief. Some economies which he felt desirable might still find a suitable occasion in his temporary withdrawal from management, and he hoped still that Mrs. Kazabon would take a large share in the expenses of the hospital. In that way the moments passed, until a change in the statoris' breathing was marked enough to draw his attention wholly to the bed, and forced him to think of the departing life, which had once been subservient to his own, which he had once been glad to find base enough for him to act on as he would. It was his gladness then which impelled him now to be glad that the life was at an end. And who could say that the death of Raffles had been hastened? Who knew what would have saved him? Lidgate arrived at half-past ten, in time to witness the final pause of the breath. When he entered the room, Bulstrode observed a sudden expression in his face, which was not so much surprise as a recognition that he had not judged correctly. He stood by the bed in silence for some time, with his eyes turned on the dying man, but with that subdued activity of expression which showed that he was carrying on an inward debate. When did this change begin? said he, looking at Bulstrode. I did not watch by him last night, said Bulstrode. I was overworn. I left him under Mrs. Abel's care. She said that he sank into sleep between three and four o'clock. When I came in before eight he was nearly in this condition. Lidgate did not ask another question, but watched in silence until he said, It is all over. This morning Lidgate was in a state of recovered hope and freedom. He had set out on his work with all his old animation, and felt himself strong enough to bear all the deficiencies of his married life, and he was conscious that Bulstrode had been a benefactor to him, but he was uneasy about this case. He had not expected it to terminate as it had done, yet he hardly knew how to put a question on the subject to Bulstrode without appearing to insult him, and if he examined the housekeeper, why, the man was dead. There seemed to be no use in implying that anybody's ignorance or imprudence had killed him, and, after all, he himself might be wrong. He and Bulstrode rode back to middle-march together, talking of many things, chiefly cholera and the chances of the reform bill in the House of Lords, and the firm resolve of the political unions. Nothing was said about raffles, except that Bulstrode mentioned the necessity of having a grave for him in Loick Churchyard, and observed that, so far as he knew, the poor man had no connections, except Rigg, whom he had stated to be unfriendly towards him. On returning home, Lidgate had a visit from Mr. Fairbrother. The vigor had not been in the town the day before, but the news that there was an execution in Lidgate's house had got to Loick by the evening, having been carried by Mr. Spicer, shoemaker and parish clerk, who had it from his brother, the respectable bell-hanger in Loick Gate. Since that evening, when Lidgate had come down from the billiard room with Fred Vincey, Mr. Fairbrother's thoughts about him had been rather gloomy. Playing at the Green Dragon, once or oftener, might have been a trifle in another man, but in Lidgate it was one of several signs that he was getting unlike his former self. He was beginning to do things, for which he had formerly even an excessive scorn. Whatever certain dissatisfactions in marriage, which some silly tinklings of gossip had given him hints of, might have to do with this change, Mr. Fairbrother felt sure that it was chiefly connected with the debts which were being more and more distinctly reported. And he began to fear that any notion of Lidgate's having resources or friends in the background must be quite illusory. The rebuff he had met with in his first attempt to win Lidgate's confidence disinclined him to a second, but this news of the execution being actually in the house determined the vicar to overcome his reluctance. Lidgate had just dismissed a poor patient in whom he was much interested, and he came forward to put out his hand with an open cheerfulness which surprised Mr. Fairbrother. Could this, too, be a proud rejection of sympathy and help? Never mind. The sympathy and help should be offered. How are you, Lidgate? I came to see you because I had heard something which may be anxious about you, said the vicar, in the tone of a good brother, only that there was no reproach in it. They were both seated by this time, and Lidgate answered immediately. I think I know what you mean. You had heard that there was an execution in the house? Yes, is it true? It was true, said Lidgate, with an air of freedom, as if he did not mind talking about the affair now. But the danger is over, the debt is paid, and I am out of my difficulties now. I shall be freed from debts and able, I hope to start afresh on a better plan. I am very thankful to hear it, said the vicar, falling back in his chair and speaking with that low-toned quickness, which often follows the removal of a load. I like that better than all the news in the Times. I confess I came to you with a heavy heart. Thank you for coming, said Lidgate cordially. I can enjoy the kindness all the more, because I am happier. I have certainly been a good deal crushed. I am afraid I shall find the bruiser still painful by and by. He added, smiling rather sadly. But just now I can only feel that the torture screw is off. Mr. Fairbrother was silent for a moment, and then said earnestly, My dear fellow, let me ask you one question. Forgive me if I take a liberty. I don't believe you will ask me anything that ought to offend me. Then this is necessary, to set my heart quite at rest. You have not, have you, in order to pay your debts incurred another debt, which may harass you worse hereafter? No, said Lidgate, colouring slightly. There is no reason why I should not tell you, since the fact is so, that the person to whom I am indebted is Bulstrode. He is mainly a very handsome advance, a thousand pounds, and he can afford to wait for repayment. Well, that is generous, said Fairbrother, compelling himself to approve of the man whom he disliked. His delicate feeling shrank from dwelling even in his thought on the fact that he had always urged Lidgate to avoid any personal entanglement, Bulstrode. He added immediately, And Bulstrode must naturally feel an interest in your welfare, after you have worked with him in a way which has probably reduced your income instead of adding to it. I am glad to think that he has acted accordingly. Lidgate felt uncomfortable under these kindliest suppositions. They made more distinct within him the uneasy consciousness which had shown its first dim stirrings only a few hours before, that Bulstrode's motives for his sudden beneficence following close upon the chillest indifference might be merely selfish. He let the kindly supposition pass. He could not tell this history of the loan, but it was more vividly present with him than ever, as well as the fact which the vicar delicately ignored, that this relation of personal indebtedness to Bulstrode was what he had once been most resolved to avoid. He began, instead of answering, to speak of his projected economies, and of his having come to look at his life from a different point of view. I shall set up a surgery, he said. I really think I made a mistaken effort in that respect, and if Rosamond will not mind, I shall take an apprentice. I don't like these things, but if one carries them out faithfully, they are not really lowering. I have had a severe gulling to begin with, that will make the small rubs seem easy. For Lidgate, the if Rosamond will not mind, which had fallen from him involuntarily as part of his thought, was a significant mark of the yokey bore. But Mr. Fairbrother, whose hopes entered strongly into the same current with Lidgate's, and who knew nothing about him that could now raise a melancholy presentiment, left him with affectionate congratulation.