 Welcome to Finding Respect in the Chaos. I'm Cynthia Lynn Lee Sinclair and this is Think Tech Hawaii. I'm so glad you've joined me today. Today what I'd like to do is take a little look back at what's been on for the last couple years since I've been doing Finding Respect in the Chaos. We have had so many wonderful guests that have come into the studio with me. I think if I had to pick the number one that I thought was one of the most important was when I had Senator Laura Thielen come on. Now the platform for my show is to give survivors of abuse a safe place to come and tell their stories and then a place for advocates to come and share important resources. Now Laura Thielen was the chair of the Women's Legislative Caucus here in Hawaii and they did an amazing tour of all the islands talking to people, getting input, talking to police and resource providers and victims and really trying to put together a very comprehensive approach politically, legally so we could get some bills through Congress here. And so I'm pretty excited that she was here and I have a little clip that we can show you right here. Until we make the changes with the younger generation we're not gonna really make the changes that we need to make long-term anyway, right? So our Women's Legislative Caucus is one of the oldest in the nation because it has been in operation for about 30 years. 30 years, oh wow, okay. Recently when these, some things were going through where we were seeing that the sex assault or rape kits were not being tested nationally as well as in Hawaii. We reached out to the women on the Honolulu City Council, all of whom are former women legislators and members of the caucus. And we said, you know, the police and the prosecutors are at the city and county level where the judiciary is at the state level, you know, can we work together to make sure that some of these things get into place? And so we began to work with them and then reached out to the women and the other county councils and have an informal alliance working together. But we also reached out to the University of Hawaii through the Women's Studies Program as well as like to St. Andrews Priory in high schools to say we need more of the younger women coming in and working with us as interns to demystify the legislative process. They may run for office later or they may be in other careers or professions but then they can come to the legislature knowing how it works and lobby for changes or testify on things, stop bad things from happening is equally important to getting good things passed. I was so proud to have her come on and talk with us and really explore what our options are when it comes to the legislative caucus and what kind of rights women have and what kind of options women have. She told me a story about her mom that was really powerful. She went back to school in her 40s and at first they wouldn't let her into law school and then she came back and said, listen, you've got to let me in. And then they did. So she didn't even finish her college until she was in her 40s which I think is a really great example that it's never too late. And more and more and more we see women coming forward and taking the power that belongs to them. So I got to work with some amazing politicians from Hawaii. I got to meet with Maisie Hirono which was one of my big highlights of the year for me. I was invited to come to the press release for Planned Parenthood and she was there. She was one of the keynote speakers and that's a little bit, look back at the women's legislative caucus. I was invited to that press conference also when they really came and talked to the different people about what was gonna be happening going forward. Maisie Hirono is an amazing woman that has stood up for the rights of women and the Violence Against Women Act in really powerful, strong, important ways. And I am proud to say that I got to speak with her. Then there was the opening of our new Planned Parenthood here in Honolulu. I had a couple of shows about that and Think Tech was on site for the opening day which was a really amazing day. Josh Green was there and our Lieutenant Governor and he used to be a host on Think Tech so that was pretty fun to have him be there with us and to get to interview him and talk with him about some of the things that he wants to do going forward too. And I think that's really, it's important that our politicians are supporting Planned Parenthood with everything that is going on in this country where the rights of women are being taken away. We have here in Hawaii, we have a very positive step going forward. They own the building, Planned Parenthood owns their building so they can't be just kicked out, right? And they're here to stay and they've made it very clear that they're here to stay which I think is an amazing statement to their dedication and responsibilities. And we have a lot of people that stand around out in front and try to protest against it but it's amazing to me that the Planned Parenthood people, well, they're much more forgiving than I am because I don't think it's right that they should be able to accost people when they walk through the door. Planned Parenthood just keeps this wonderful attitude of acceptance and respect for everyone and I think they're a very good example for what the rest of us need to try to practice also. Then we've got some amazing people around in Honolulu here that are working with domestic violence, victims and child abuse victims. So there's a program called BVAC and that's the Domestic Violence Action Center and they do amazing things for all victims here. We've got the SATC which is the Sex Abuse Treatment Center and they help rape victims and child abuse victims. They have such an important program that's available for people that need it. Now I know we've got the numbers for Domestic Violence Action Center and for Sex Abuse Treatment Center and I'd like you to show those on the bottom part of the screen for people right now just in case they need some help, okay? If you need help, I want you to know you're not alone, okay? There are more people out there that have been through what you've been through. There are people out there that want to help you. Now Domestic Violence Action Center, they've got programs that help with legal advice. They have programs that help for an advocate to come to court and meet you there and go in front of the judge if you're by yourself and you need someone to accompany you and can help give you some advice. That is invaluable. That is such a valuable service that it's hard to even put an actual adjective for it. That's how important it is. I know when I went through the court stuff that I went through, when I was dealing with my domestic violence, I wish I'd had somebody there with me. But so you know, you're not alone. There are people out there that want to help. The Sex Abuse Treatment Center and I think we've got their phone number for you guys too, is really an important program. It's completely confidential. It doesn't matter when it happened or where it happened. If you are here in Hawaii and you have had some kind of experience like this, I want you to reach out. These people are so trained. They've been doing this for a long time and they're very good at it. And it is, like I said, completely confidential. So you will be able to get the kind of help that you need. Well, I know that we're gonna be moving studios here. And so we're taking a little break through the holiday season and then when we come back in January, we're going to be at a different studio. And I am going to be beginning a new series. And it's going to be called Stories of Love. I want to make sure that I bring in stories of love that are positive and healthy, not just the dysfunctional ones. There's so much anger and sadness right now in our country that I think what we need more than anything is uplifting stories of hope. That's always been my number one goal here at Finding Respect in the Chaos is to show people that there's hope and there's healing on the other side of abuse. Now what I want to do also is bring stories of hope and love. Of course, they won't all, not all love ends well, but lots of it does. And there's all sorts of love stories that we're going to be looking at. We'll be looking at romantic love, friendship love, familial love. There's the love for your country. There's the love for whatever your job is. So I intend to explore and find as many stories of hope and healing and love as I possibly can. So when we come back in January, that's what you can expect to see most of. Now, I'm not sure if I'll be able to fill up this whole half hour right now, but we do need to take a break in between. So right now we're gonna cut away to a little bit of a commercial for Think Tech and some of our other hosts that we have. And I wanna make sure you guys know, just cause we're moving to another studio, doesn't mean we're closing, doesn't mean we're going off the air. You can still watch us all the way through the holidays on YouTube and where all of our shows are uploaded to iTunes as podcasts. So make sure you stay in touch with us and make sure you stay tuned right now cause I'm going to be back with some highlights of some of the amazing guests that I've had here as they came to tell their stories. Stay right with us. Thanks to our Think Tech underwriters and grand tours, the Atherton Family Foundation, Carol Mun Lee and the Friends of Think Tech, the Center for Microbial Oceanography Research and Education, Collateral Analytics, the Cook Foundation, Dwayne Kurisu, the Hawaii Community Foundation, the Hawaii Council of Associations of Apartment Owners, Hawaii Energy, the Hawaii Energy Policy Forum, Hawaiian Electric Company, Integrated Security Technologies, Gailin Ho of BAE Systems, Kamehameha Schools, MW Group, the Shidler Family Foundation, the Sydney Stern Memorial Trust, Volo Foundation, Yuriko J. Sugimura. Thanks so much to you all. Welcome back to Finding Respect in the Chaos. I'm Cynthia Sinclair and I'm glad that you stayed with me. Let's talk a little bit more about one of the amazing things that we had happen here in Honolulu before I start getting into the individual stories of some of the survivors that came on. And that is we had a men's walk here in Honolulu and it was amazing. There were a thousand people that came and the whole police force was there and they weren't there to police everybody. They were there to take part in the march and I thought that was pretty impressive. I was really proud to be able to be with them and talk with them and interview them a little bit about why it was important to them to be there. And they believe that until, and I believe also that until we get men involved in the prevention stages of abuse, we're not gonna make any headway. And as soon as we start making some more headway with young people, we need to start doing early intervention and get this patriarchal idea of how things ought to be shaken up a little bit so that men can get involved without it looking down on them at all, that they are actually taking part in standing up for women. I was very proud to see them all there. There must have been a hundred or more policemen that marched with us. It was really, it was a really powerful moment for me. So okay, now let's get into some of the clips that I have of some of the amazing survivors that I had come on. There is a gal that I went to school with and her name is Donita Garcia. She has an amazing story. And I'd like to play just a short clip for you now of some of the things she said while she was here. Talking about. Well, first of all, I'd like to thank you for inviting me here today because my purpose is to really be an advocate for women, for women that need to know that there's places to go to get help. That there's people that have been through what they have been through. I've been through quite a lot in my six decades plus of life. No way, you don't like to dance around that long, girl. You certainly don't, you look really great. But first, talking about sexual abuse, I'd been married three times and my second husband was a physical abuser. And we were married five years and he hurt me badly at least twice. There was other times, but I mean, nothing really to share about. But the very first time was, I remember we were walking home from work. It was at night and we just lived a short distance away. For some odd reason, I don't even know why and I can't even remember why. He just got really angry. And at first he punched me and pushed me down and ripped my clothing and just started dragging me through the field by my hair and my shoulders. And by the time we got home, I was just like so scared because he had never done that before. You know, it's wild how we go along and we hear things from people saying, well, you better watch out for this or you better watch out for that. But we think, oh, no, no. And we kind of poo poo it a little bit. But really, I think what we need to do is pay attention to those moments. If you've got a feeling, trust your instincts. If something doesn't seem right, trust that. Better safe than sorry, right? I think that Donita is an amazing example of someone overcoming the abuse that she had been through. She shared with us about how she had gone through drugs and alcohol and cigarettes and everything else and walked away from all of it. Hook her life back. She's a great example that there's hope for all of us. And I believe the name of that episode was You Can Succeed Against All Odds. And I thought that was her choice too for the title, which I thought was pretty cool. Now, I had another story of a gal that came on. Her name was Catherine Aikau. And I know that some of you may know the story, but I'd like to show you a little clip from one of her segments. I want to say first off that you're so brave for coming out and sharing your story. And I really admire your courage for being able to come out in hopes that you can maybe help somebody that's in the situation you were in so that the outcome is a little different. Why don't you give us a little background of your story and of Reef? Okay, Cynthia, well, thank you for having me. On June 13th of 2017, Reef was three months shy of his eighth birthday and he was stabbed to death by his father who then was addicted to ice. And then the father stabbed himself and hung himself. And unfortunately, Reef should have been in Greece with me. But before I talk about his death, I want to talk about his life because he really was an incredible kid. Right. He was an incredible kid. He had his own business. He made these little fish hats that he sold at Sea Life Park. He was a world-class surfer for a child anyway. He was an amazing little surf boy. And I know his mom misses him every single day. And I hope that she knows that people are praying for her and people love her and are always there for her. I'm so impressed by her amazing resilient attitude and just that she still carries on and works as hard as she does to make sure that nobody else has to go through what she's been through. I really admire that. Oh, gosh, I get goosebumps when I talk about it even. Wow. Well, we went from lots of survivor stories and things like that that we also did things like talking about how the Me Too monologues have affected the SAG. I had one of the chairman or the presidents. I guess he was the president at the time. I'm not sure if he is anymore. His name is David Fulmer. And he was with SAG at the time. And so he came on the show and talked about how all the Me Too movement stuff was changing the terrain at SAG, which I thought was pretty neat. And then I had Miss Teen Hawaii. She was with Pearl City High School at first. Baker, excuse me, Baker, what did I say? Shoot, sorry. Jade Baker, I didn't mean to say the wrong name. Sorry, Jade. And her mom Jasmine were on and they were fabulous. They've actually been on a couple of times and she took third this last year when she came back to tell us about how things had gone. She's doing it, first she was working with human trafficking going for her platform was chosen and how they're trying to teach high school kids ahead of time. So they won't be as apt to fall under and fall prey to human traffickers. It was a very important program that she had. And then her second year, she was doing a crayon thing where she takes back, she collects all the broken crayons and then puts them back together, melts them down and makes them into new crayon boxes to get to go out to underprivileged kids and kids that don't have access to crayons and things, which is a pretty amazing, amazing program. So I'm very proud of her and I was so proud that she came on and shared all the things that she's doing. Then I had my brother came on. So of all of the survivor stories that I had here on Finding Respect in the Chaos, it was the biggest honor of all to have my brother come. My brother is a doctor and he's not a doctor with the fancy house and the fancy car. He has, well he started with an outreach program for street kids in San Francisco and then he moved on and went and started a program in Africa. And we have a little video clip of that one too. I'd like to show you guys. So tell us about Manasseh's children. What was that? It was a school, right? Well, it's all a continuum, a learning continuum. I would say that we made every stupid mistake you could make as white people in the first, about four years when we went to Africa. We went to Kenya. I had worked there as a medical student and we tried to duplicate the program we had in America working with street kids. And that was my first mistake. It's trying to duplicate anything that works in America is challenging because the infrastructure, the societal setup, cultural norms, et cetera are so different. But we did try to take kids from the street at that point in time. It was a big issue there in Nairobi, Kenya, a country to relatives and put them in school. And I mean, there are some great successes that there are still a feeding program that feeds 12,000 school kids every day. Big nutritious meal, much of which they take home. Built a big high school there, big public high school. And there's 600 kids go to that. Half of them are orphans, that's good. That's amazing. But what we found over time is that we also built a safe house for girls because sexual assault there is terribly common, especially amongst orphans who are not protected. And you know some statistics about that, right? I do, yeah. What are some of the statistics for that? Well, the most interesting statistic is that we felt compelled to go to Africa to help orphans because at that point in time, it was 20 years ago there were six million AIDS orphans. Six million, wow. Yes, that's what we said because that's the Holocaust number. So we turned to each other and said, if we don't do something, then our grandchildren will shame us like, oh my gosh, there was a Holocaust in your generation. You did nothing. And it was on the cover of Time Magazine, a news week and everybody heard about it. Now there are 20 million AIDS orphans and nobody hears a whisper. Wow. 20 million AIDS orphans. It's staggering to think about those kind of statistics. I'm so proud of my brother for going out there and making a difference. He started another program past the schooling and the feeding programs and all of that. And he started a program that was an anti-rape program. It was a self-defense for women and respectful behavior for boys. They have done so well that their program is now in every single high school in Kenya and it is going into three more countries, Somalia, South Sudan and Uganda over these next coming years. He's been there for about 20 years now and he's making a huge difference. The title of that story was Changing the Rape Culture in Africa. And it's amazing to me to have a brother like that. He's so inspiring and so dedicated and such a good Christian man and I'm so proud to call him my brother. Okay, well I opened the show with my first choice of Senator Thielen and I worked for about a year and a half to get her on the show. And I ended the show with my very most favorite show which was being allowed to have my brother come on and let me interview him about his programs. Over these last two years I have realized a dream and it is the dream of reaching out to others and showing people that there's hope and healing on the other side of abuse. I was abused as a young kid and that led me into a marriage that was filled with domestic violence. At one point I never thought I would get out but I did. And with people's help I healed and with more time I healed some more and then I thought I want to show everybody that they can heal too. When I went back to school I was given a study abroad scholarship and I wrote my own independent study and I went around the world studying the way different cultures deal with these important issues was when I came back and was interviewed about my trip here on Think Tech that our CEO, Jay Fidel offered me my own show. I've never been more grateful in my life. I've never been more honored to have this job to be able to share resources and stories with people so that they know they're not alone and that they know that there is hope. I want you to go onto YouTube please and look up my episodes. They're all listed on there for you. Don't forget about finding respect in the chaos. Don't forget about Think Tech Hawaii and please don't forget about me, Cynthia Sinclair. I hope everybody has the most wonderful Christmas that they've ever had and I'm wishing everyone a very safe and happy new year. I'll see you guys in January when we come back from our new studio. Mele ke li ki maka, aloha.