 understanding kind of hate to use the word defining, but I'm going to use it for lack of a better term defining what kind of relationship you're in, I think is the first major, maybe transition. And then if you decide that you're going to move in with each other, I can't tell you, excuse me, how many of the holistic or neurotypical partners who come to my support group are like, I don't know what you're talking about. Everything changed after we moved in with each other. Everything changed. We were either in a long distance relationship. We talked every night. We had this great connection when we would see each other. It was usually for a few days. You know, the sex was great. The conversation was great. We had so much fun that we moved in with each other. And I don't even recognize the person I'm with, right? And so being again, very clear about what you need. So do you need your own separate bedroom? Do you need your own separate office? Do you want to eat meals alone? Do you need time in the morning to have your coffee and read and whatever and how much time do you need? Again, if you're not clear about those things yourself and you're not comfortable talking with your potential partner about those things, you're going to have a lot of conflict when you move in with each other. I guarantee you, right? So being clear about looking at what you need while you're living alone or if you're living with your parents or if you're living with a roommate. What is it? What is it that brings you peace and joy? Writing that down and communicating it with your partner for both partners, right? Because for me, I didn't communicate to my ex has been that eating meals together every night was so important. And in his family, they didn't do it. Sort of the transition into housing, living together, which is, I think, something that I relate to a lot. Because I think one of the issues that I have, particularly in a lot of the relationships that I've had is making the commitment and moving and living with somebody because I feel like it's, you know, when you're in those situations where you both have your own house and stuff, there's a little bit more of a kind of a boundary between that. And I have tried moving in with someone before it was kind of during COVID. And I think it was very difficult because the time that we did spend together outside of living together, you know, is a lot more broken up. Like there was times where we'd see each other and times where we wouldn't. And so when we moved in together, it was kind of the situation where I was, I felt like they were on top of me all the time and they were wanting to have the interaction that we would have, like, when we would see each other on a less frequent basis, which is not how social batteries work, you know, so there'd be a lot of situations where I like, right, okay, I need to be on my own. Maybe like, are you okay in there? I'm like, yep, yeah, I'm good. I just need some time on my own and focus on what I need to do. And I found that really difficult. And also, you know, it was it was a situation where we didn't have separate rooms to be in stuff. So that I think that was a difficulty. Yeah, I really relate to that aspect of life milestones and stuff. I think in other aspects of life milestones is children. Yes. That's a big one. I don't have any experience with that. And I have 26 years experience with that. So yeah, I think it's a big, a big one. And you know, now that I think about it, the first apartment my ex-husband and I moved into had two bedrooms. And I think having two bedrooms. And we didn't, of course, we didn't know we were a neurodiverse couple at the time may have been a saving grace, because we made one bedroom and we made one a studio for him, because he was very creative and like to record. And so he could spend as much time as he needed to in there. And we set each other up for success without even knowing it, right? Which may have been a good thing, right? But then when we had our daughter, I have to tell you, my ex, when we were dating and getting serious, he said to me, Thomas, I don't want to have any children. And I think he knew himself better than he realized. And I said, Well, if you don't, then I'm not the right person for you. But in like a minute, he said, Oh, no, no, I'll have one. But we have to wait five years. So he gave himself that time, right? And I'm like, Okay, I can wait five years. Remember, we were like 21 years old, 22. So the five turned into nine years that we waited. And it was because he was never ready. And so I think for your listeners, it's really important to listen to your partner. If they say they don't want to have children, believe them, right? Don't pressure them into having children, right? So I think that's really important. And then think about what you can do to prepare if you both agree you're going to have children. You know, when is it going to be? And what can you do to prepare? Because there are going to be constant changes literally minute by minute throughout your day. Any routine that you thought you had and was important to your well-being is probably going to go out the door. And if you are not flexible with your routine, it's going to create conflict with your partner, right? So I do have to give my ex-husband credit because during the first few years of our daughter's life, he created a beautiful routine for her. And because he was able to do that, it was good for both of them. Now, I didn't have the same routine, right? But he regimented her, maybe without even realizing it. So I think in the early years, having a partner who can kind of routinize what can be routinized, like feeding schedules and sleeping schedules and bathing schedules can be really helpful. But having that discussion is really critical, right? The other thing I think is a lot of times, you know, I babysat for years and years and years. So I knew how to change a baby's diaper and how to bathe a baby and all that stuff. And my ex had never done all that. So to have that conversation ahead of time, like who's going to take on what responsibilities and how can we share them? Who's going to wake up in the middle of the night when the baby is crying? Because that's going to happen every single night, maybe multiple times, who's going to feed the baby? And then you have to think about the sensory sensitivities too. Because I have had neurodiverse couples talk about how one partner, usually it's the autistic partner, may have a sensitivity to water and splashing. And so they're not able to bathe the kids or it's very difficult. And, you know, that sensory battery goes dead very quickly or gets filled up very quickly. The smells or the touch of things and babies stuff and eat it and put it in their mouths and you don't know where it's been. So there's a lot of things that you cannot even prepare for, but having a discussion about what you feel comfortable doing and what you are willing to learn how to do. I think it's really important. Otherwise, you're going to be in a lot of conflict. Hey, YouTube, hope you have enjoyed this podcast clip so far. If you want to check out the full episode, you can find it here on my YouTube channel under the podcast section, or you can go to Spotify, Apple, Google to check it out on different podcasting streaming services. If you have enjoyed this video this far, please make sure to like, perhaps drop me subscribe if you want to see some more content from me and drop a comment down below, even if it's something simple like an emoji or a heart. It really does help satisfy those big YouTube algorithm gods in the sky. Anyway, I'll let you go back to it. So that's a big transition where, yeah, I hear a lot of couples talking about, and it's usually the allistic partner that says, I feel like I'm taking on too much responsibility. But if your partner has never babysat or they've never been with children before, you have an opportunity to teach them, right, rather than get angry at them. And maybe you take a parenting class together and you figure out together what you can each do that you feel comfortable with and where you may need your parents to come in or siblings or friends to help, whether it's with teaching or transitions. I mean, it does take a village to raise a child sometimes. And it's okay to ask for help. So, yeah, having a child can change everything literally overnight, Thomas. Yeah, yes, and create a lot of terrifying. I think it is for a lot of people in general, but then if you're dealing with neurodiversity, there's just so many things that you can't prepare for. And I did a podcast with a woman who is autistic and she was eight months pregnant. And she talked about the pregnancy piece as an autistic woman and how that impacted her and how the healthcare system was not prepared to hear her needs and to hear the challenges she was having because of her neurotype. And that's a whole other podcast probably. But, you know, that's important too for those folks that do choose to get pregnant, whether they're non-binary or female at birth, you know, you have to have a healthcare team that understands what you need. So, children is a big one. And then, you know, Thomas, another transition is as your children are in school. I know one of the things that I realized quickly was my ex went on one field trip and that field trip caused him so much stress because one of the little kids started running away from the group. He said, I will never go on a field trip again. I will never volunteer in the classroom. I will not have anything to do with other people's kids. And again, I didn't understand what was happening. And so all that responsibility was on my shoulders, but I loved doing that. So I didn't see it as a burden. But I think as your children get older and they have their own point of view and they need more from you, being clear about kind of who is going to take what responsibilities and which are really important to share. Like we would share homework assistance and that kind of stuff. Because I'm just kind of thinking about myself personally because, you know, for a good portion of my life up until this point, I kind of, I don't really want kids. I have enough kind of on my plate with my mental health and like things that I'm doing at the moment, which I feel would be exacerbated. I still find just the concept of living with another person quite difficult. I think, you know, it's something that I'm a lot more open to. I don't think it's something that I would want to do for a while, have kids. But I'm also, you know, if I was to have kids, I think it would be, you know, it would be ideal for me if I could get a kind of a stable income and perhaps have less responsibilities in that area that perhaps I could manage that. But again, it's like it's the communication aspect of that. Because some people might be like, yeah, I'd love to take care of the kids more and you can work more. Right. But that would be a situation where I'd be like, might be a bit more open to it. It's just, you know, definitely it's not something that I feel I can handle at this time in my life. But it's, you know, it's, it is something to think about definitely. Yeah. And isn't that great that you can be that honest with yourself? I mean, my daughter, she's your age, she does not want to have children. She is absolutely 100% certain about that. And her girlfriend doesn't either. So they're both in agreement on that. So, you know, if you have a partner who wants to have children and you're pretty adamant, you don't. Of course, that can be a deal breaker, right? So that's something you need to discuss before you move in with each other or you start talking about. Not on the first date though. Right. On the first date. Maybe. You want kids? She's going to get married. Well, you know what? I mean, I think people are discussing those things up front, maybe not on the first date. But, you know, the third or fourth date because why, seriously, why waste your time with somebody if that particular issue you are on opposite ends of the spectrum? If you don't want to have kids and they do, even though you're, you know, getting along well, you're having a good time. I don't think it's fair to expect that you would change your mind down the road because it's something that they really want. You know, I don't know that my ex husband should have had kids. I mean, not that he wasn't a good father in the beginning of our daughter's life, but I think it took him off his career trajectory. I do think it affected other areas of his, you know, mental and emotional health and it affected mine. I had postpartum depression for two years. So you never know. You never know what's going to happen. And you never know what kind of child you're going to have, right? You know, you never know if your child's going to have any kind of physical disabilities or developmental disabilities or if our daughter had colic for seven months. I literally cried every night at seven o'clock nonstop for several hours. It was very challenging. So you can't prepare for that stuff, Thomas. So I think another major transition, too, is family, extended family issues. So I've heard, especially for older couples, you know, in their forties and beyond where there may be a family member, a parent who needs assistance. And so that may take you away from your relationship or the children or what have you. Or there might be some monetary needs that the parents might have. And, you know, dealing with that, that could be a major challenge in a relationship. So I think, you know, I think most couples experience the empty nest syndrome, which happens when your children grow up and they either go to college or they move out on their own. And I think for a lot of neurodiverse couples, that becomes a time when they realize major, major, major differences that had kind of been covered up because they were both working. They were taking care of the kids or one of them had more responsibility for the kids, whatever. And then they look at each other. The focus is all on the kids, isn't it? It's kind of a self-sacrificing kind of thing. And with that also comes your needs and his person needs. I suppose when it all kind of goes away again, it's eliminated. It's a bit more kind of to the surface. Yes. Plus about the practical looking after the kids and making sure they're safe and making sure they're teaching them. And I can imagine that, yeah. I see a lot of neurodiverse couples, and I'm sure a lot of couples in general that get to that point and they haven't really nurtured the relationship at the level they needed to. Or they haven't really sought to understand each other's needs and wants and dreams. And, you know, so the relationship may end if they're not able to recommit to each other.