 Okay anybody want to come in and chat with the old broad who's been gone for so long? I hope I hit public. Let's hit all these buttons and find out. Shoot I may not have hit public and that's why. Okay there's somebody here so that means you guys can see me. I should have done my eyebrows. Hello whoever's here. This is so weird I haven't done this in so long and I have to do it. I have to do some splaining as Ricky would say. I want to talk with you guys back and forth until you know maybe we get to 20 people or something and then I'm gonna do a majority of the talking because if I don't we'll all be here for days because I have a lot of talking to do it. Come in and say hi guys whoever's here. How do I get this down? I think it says 16 people. Nobody wants to say hey. There we go. Nobody? Not one single person? And I got three likes. Thanks you guys for the likes. Thanks. I got a chipped tooth. Look at that nonsense. Oh well just gotta make sure I don't cut Steve's lips should I give him a smooch. Come on you guys come in and say hi please. Or else I'm gonna think it's trolls and I'm just gonna split. I'm gonna it's play. Do you have your water? Do you have your water? I haven't been drinking my water. Well I have now this last month but before that I haven't been drinking it. I want to come on explain where I've been why I've been. I know I've eluded to it. I know I have told you most of it but I want to explain more because this coming Friday I'm gonna start going to my meetings again. I'm going to do the whole nine and I want to start at the beginning because a lot of folks who are on weight loss programs something happens they lose their mojo they're just not into it anymore because we all know that newlywed feeling right? The newlywed feeling I'm in here I'm on weight watchers I'm losing the weight look at those weight those pounds fall off and then they kind of just get I'm not gonna worry about it this week and then that's it they're done and that is not what happened to me that is not my 24 of you guys and wonder why all right why can I not let's try something else I had the wrong button all right let me go back and see okay all right hi honey hi Sarah hi Judith bonita hola hi Jessica hola hola hola hi Janet hi Mary hi Michelle Barbara Cheryl hi Sabrina hi honey think about you all the time Regina Jessica such a numb nut how many times have I done this and I had it on the wrong setting bonita has her water hi Sarah did the rest of you guys have your water hello Anna don't talk I mean yeah don't talk Anna while you're driving Janice Ann from Ireland hello Janice Ann hi Linda Linda I am here I'm here I'm in relatively healthy good place right now needa you're looking a little showy shea puffy not to be rude oh heck yes honey I have learned a lot of stuff in the last two months looking good explain this I can look good and feel I have to feel good to look good I can be 40 pounds lighter have some nice light make up on brush my hair but if I feel like complete and there's there's gonna be a little little bit of cuss in here if anybody's got a small kid here let me know and I won't do it but if you don't but if I've got everything going on but I feel inside I'm not gonna look good hi Carrie how are you honey long time no see you and I oh boy hi Gail oh Jessica Jessica Jessica Jessica the numbers the numbers they are so large so okay so I'm gonna kind of bounce around because I remember things that I don't remember that's key to what I want to tell you guys thank you honey and that's exactly why I'm here guys I have to start somewhere hi Judy thank you it's I can't you know I don't know how to style it I'm just not I don't know but thank you anyways you know I'll remember something from when I was six that pertains to what I'm gonna tell you now and I have to go back there and back up or follow the bouncing ball first of all let me ask anybody who's here right now is anybody having a tough time is anybody having a really great time how are you guys are you guys well do you have your water because if you don't have a problem sister maybe brother maybe Jimmy I'll pop in if anybody here has mental issues you don't have to speak up because you may not want people to know since I started my channel I have talked about mental issues and the fact that I have always had them I'm not creeping around the hallways in the middle of the night playing with Harris pray seeing how high I can spike my hair I'm not outside vacuuming my car and nothing like that I have been into present my whole life you can go back and I'm gonna repeat a lot of stuff that a lot of you've heard before but it's imperative to my story you can go back in my mom's photo albums and every other picture of me as a child from say three and on you can tell I just got done crying I'm gonna try not to say Sabrina last enough months finally good so during the pandemic when it started I was okay because for the most part I don't go anywhere anyways it's kind of like well I'm here with Oliver you know he was basically doing his own schoolwork kicking butt at it I might add I was really proud of that boy and then as time went on and I know I'm not alone I know I'm not alone I started you know it was like I'm not in a good place I'm and I started getting in a worse place and then I started I'm gonna skip things just because again it would be a really really long story I started gaining weight I started I didn't get out of bed Oliver is old enough I would check check in on him was his work done was he doing his work yes okay but I wouldn't get out of bed I wasn't showering all this to say that I gained 60 pounds now after I gained that 60 pounds I'm gonna do this without crying because I think I put on regular mascara nobody needs to see black mascara running down my face I then started opening my eyes up in the morning when Steve got up to go to work and first thought out of my mind was yeah I kind of just wish I would rather be dead but but there's a couple of butts number one if I were to do something to myself Oliver would be the one to write and I can't do that to him I have three grandchildren and all that I want to be a part of their life I haven't seen the other two since last time Oliver I have to say is the most important because I was raising him I couldn't bail on him his parents already bailed on him how could I bail on him no thank you very much but every single morning it was just I wish I was dead I just don't want to be here I have no reason to be here the weight gain because it's the most weight I've ever gained in my life even when I was pregnant you guys I mean a lot of weight I don't look at the mirrors when I walk by them just really bad I just couldn't have felt worse about myself couldn't feel worse so you might be sitting there saying to yourself and to me self Nita get your happy ass down to the doctors and get some help what what's the dang do I guess I'm kind of an emerald well this is the part that I never told you guys because I number one I didn't want to get inundated from you guys about you should do this you should do that and I'm gonna ask you now from the bottom of my heart that I hope that you won't do that now because I'm a 60 year old woman who's been going through this depression my whole life and I know what I should and I know you get it and you're not offended thank you very much we did not have health insurance we had no health insurance how can I explain this without making it sound like I'm throwing my husband under the bus because I'm not I I'm not throwing him under the bus he is he's a really and let me tell you also I would probably wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him he's been doing everything he does all the shopping he does all the cooking he takes my car out and gasses it up like I'm gonna go anywhere that's the funniest part does all the cooking did I say that if it wasn't for him and his love and him telling me he needs me he loves me and we'll get through this who's to say so yeah we didn't have any health insurance and we didn't have any free clinics or anything out here and I just was getting worse and worse and worse to the point where I had already had a breakdown but I had a breakdown it was the queen of all you guys know me if I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do a good and big I'm gonna do it so you all around the country can hear what it's going on so I finally threw myself on the floor and I was crying and screaming and because I can't get insurance which would you know and I said you have got to go to let's just call him Bob Steve's boss Bob you have got to get me health insurance or I'm not gonna live past this year I'm not I'm not gonna make it now he's a guy who he doesn't take aspirin he doesn't take Advil he doesn't take you know if his bill he's bothering him he won't even suck on a tum he just doesn't think he needs these things therefore he doesn't think I need these things so all these years I've just gone along with it he's the one that pays the bills blah blah blah so I they're through this fit and I think it just scared him finally enough to realize I gotta get this chicks some help or something's gonna happen to her and they're gonna blame me or something like that let's have a drink of water everybody I don't know there was something wrong with me he's no dummy that's for sure so I don't remember was before or after Oliver then went to not because of not because of my breakdown or before or after my breakdown has gone to live with his dad which you guys all know it hadn't one did not have anything to do with the other his dad just you know got his poop in a group and got a home and a girlfriend beautiful girl oh my gosh you guys wait till you see her and he went to live with his dad so it wasn't like I was bad enough but then I went into mourning over the fact that my boy was gone he was I still you guys he left in April kitty dog she's sitting in the sun he left in April okay have to be careful because this is I think we're really and I literally went into mourning as if he was gone for good now let me tell you he lives six miles down the street I can ride my bike over there he can ride his bike over here we can see each other anytime we want it's not that desperate of a situation but you guys when he lived here he and our pals were buddies we talked we had conversations he's he's so used to being around adults that he would have adult conversations and he was my guy he was my partner my grandpa was at work and that kind of ticked the rock off the boulder so to speak I love to make up my own sayings okay so Steve got me some insurance got us both some insurance he had to get insurance I insisted that he got insurance because he's got five pounds of wax in this year and probably about 12 pounds of wax in that year and let me tell you guys when he goes to the doctor and they go in and pull those things out I'm gonna record it I'm gonna play it for the world to see it's gonna be a thing of beauty so I went and I'm not gonna go into all the details of who I saw or who I'm seeing or what I'm seeing I've been on medication for two months a mood stabilizer and anti-depressant I've gotten out of bed I've showered I smell good and I'm on the upswing I'm on the upswing I like my doctor very much she's really funny she's your typical if anybody here is a psychiatrist well psychiatrist honey I'll make sure you see it she was your stereotypical television because we had to do it on on the iPad and she gets on and she says she has her hair she looked like Dr. Birx she looked like Dr. Birx and she says aloha Anita let's talk I'm gonna like this chick aloha I mean she's she she wasn't Polynesian she wasn't Hawaiian she was Simi Valley in but yeah she looked just like Dr. Birx her hair was up and everything and I'm getting the health that I need and I'm not giving any name sester Dr. Birx you know Dr. Birx and Dr. Fauci that that Dr. Birx did my doctor I can't even think of her last name so the main the main thing is when I put all that way back on I had zero self love zero I just the self-hatred that was boiling in me with I didn't I couldn't imagine anybody feeling that I just couldn't my self-worth in my head was somebody dug a big hole in the ground and threw it down there just because I was heavy yeah I mean my self-worth was zip zero zilch so we're working on this is what the plan is and I want to tell you because Friday I'm gonna be coming back I'm gonna be starting right brand new over with my weight I'm not going to use my old weight I'm gonna use my new weight I'm feeling good it feels good to sit here and talk to you swells I should have come on and talk to you swells earlier but I really just wasn't in the mind mood you know when squeeze me you know when you're about to take a rope and swing out over the side of your building and let go you just not feel too much like getting on here and trying to be happy I feel a hundred times better already the only side effect that the medications had for me was oh boy did I sleep I slept and slept and slept and slept and that's okay because I had nothing else to do so we're on the upswing I'm happy oh so happy to say that I'm on the upswing I'm trying to think if there's anything else so yeah I'm gonna go to my meeting on Friday thank you Kerry feels good it can only cry so much you know and so I'm gonna go to I can't decide okay here's what I need your guys's today help me with there's the regular eight o'clock meeting which is the one I always went to and there's a 1030 meeting now I'm embarrassed to go to the 8 o'clock meeting because of how much weight I've put on and everybody knows me there and I know I'm just gonna shrink I wish I could shrink when I walk into that meeting or if I should just start a new go to the 1030 meeting and not be so self-conscious of all this if you guys saw my gut and my legs and everything well you wouldn't because you you guys understand you're in the same boat well you're not the same boat you know what it feels like to gain weight whose weight gain again some of you guys do anyways right but I'm gonna do it I have been saying I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it you know like this yeah I'm gonna do it hey honey what do you think should we do it so this is what Steve and I did we did the assessment hey have you guys all done the reassessment is that what it's called the reassessment since Steve has been doing all the cooking go to the 1031 Sarah it's one's in my meeting though I love them so much they're so nice yeah totally new start honey I'm gonna read you guys in just a second so if you have anything to say say it I'll scroll back and then we'll chat yes I forgot what I was gonna say oh since Steve does all the cooking we did the reassessment together to realize what foods we've been eating together like potatoes I never ever ever ever eat potatoes because I just don't like them the only thing for me that they do is they're a conduit for blue cheese with my french fries but Steve likes a baked potato with his steak I can eat a baked potato with I don't care if it's butter or whatever it's called so we did it together and so it's gonna work out great because I married this wonderful guy this wonderful guy that's got 40 pounds of wax in his head oh it's gonna be a thing of beauty I looked it up on YouTube the other day you guys and oh you wouldn't believe it any dogs laying in the sun you want to see her in the sun getting warm you get warm so okay let's make sure this doesn't fall out I have you guys all right let me scooch back here and see let's see where whoops Gail I think I said hello all right there we go Jessica told me she had lost weight too Judy was so kind to comment on my hair Roberta Linda and honey say tough times for sure Sarah's got her water and back on WW and I'm also measuring my water in my app boy that apps got a lot of stuff in it doesn't it it's like I don't know if I should go left right center up down all around there's a lot of things to click on Diane B says I've been off WW for a couple years and I'm ready to start up again good for you Diane join us jump in jump in with a pad wagon there's Sabrina my Sabrina last two and a half months finally good before that not like great you know what Sabrina it's like I was like is that her because you changed your name and I can barely see you hello Andrea Susan it's nice to see you too thank you Karen hi Esther oh thank you Esther the whole more of you love thing it doesn't make me love me I just I don't have clothes that fit me I just have a couple things I walk I walk into the market or the liquor store wherever I am and I look like a homeless person and I'm not kidding I'm wearing plaid shorts with a striped shirt I don't brush my hair I don't do anything it's because I don't care I just don't care but I'm getting there I'm on I'm I'm on the other side the medication has kicked in okay so let's see Carrie's feeling the same way thank you Mary Jane Esther starting her WW meetings tomorrow oh I know I have gained but I am loved so here we go again all of us are in this together thank you Mary Jane thank you oh but bettiana wait betton bettonia bettonia I gotta get the names right it's so important hi Amy I agree honey I agree a hundred thousand percent that I will feel better if I go to a meeting I always love go to my going to my meetings you are right you get a little gold star thank you Esther I know you guys understand and I know the people at the meetings will understand but I have to make me understand when I walk in there and I start feeling like Shrek grabbed myself by the back of the neck and Sarah said did my assignment which did you say you said go to the meeting right Robbie says give the eight o'clock a chance to love you because they will be happy just to see your sweet face oh Robbie you're so sweet thank you I don't know if they'll be able to see it with all the rest of this around it Jennifer Cheryl says I need to know when it's going to judge you go to the workshop that you have the friends at hi Margo thanks you guys oh thank you some day when I learn how to take a compliment and say well thank you it certainly does doesn't it Mary Jane says do kickstart and app Academy virtual to help me find some new stuff on the app I'll do it I'll do it eventually Mary Jane I'm taking baby steps right now I've got because if I inundate myself with too much stuff because like I said there's so much on that darn app I'll overwhelm myself and then I'll be oh just forget it because I'm that girl oh just forget it I'm out of here um honey no it's not the green plan I could have done the green plan if I wanted to but with the foods that Steve eats that I'm gonna eat with him it doesn't it doesn't jive so we're gonna try something first beans and potatoes were important and they weren't coming up and this is we just love you have depression and suicide both side of my family thank you Anna I would go to both meetings and see which ones you like oh that made my heart pump Reborder I get all your messages by the way honey no one will judge you everyone is there for the same reason hello Deborah try both meetings I don't know if I can do after going to meetings with that one meeting you guys I can't promise and I'm a person that'll stick by my word I don't want to say oh good idea and then split out of here and then not do it I I like to be a woman of my word I don't think I can do that I'm getting anxiety just thinking about it it's a lovely idea but I don't have enough self-esteem right now to to try it I you know what I think I'm going to go to my original meeting because I can envisioning the ladies in my meeting right now and I can feel the hugs that they would give me yeah I think that's the way we're gonna go Mary says I was to talk about three and a half miles each day for eight months intermittent fasting lost 20 pounds then one month I ate a giant chocolate chip cooking haven't stopped gained pounds can't stop Mary I drank one vodka and cranberry and couldn't stop okay I got you covered girl we just got to stop that's just it and I have in fact I think last time I came on here I had but I still mentally I wasn't prepared have I checked to see no I don't eat bill bars Amy I'm sorry somebody else here might know though but I I don't care for them I think their company is kind of shifty shifty I too struggle with self-love I don't know how to get a goal or a why it's all overwhelming I'm tired I'm way down myself get tired yeah avocado everybody's now I'm gonna say this because I'm I'm I'm smart and I know everything I'm just kidding there's probably some new person sitting in the back going who does this broad thing she is remember the avocado you go by the servings kids don't line up five avocados in front of you chop them up and have a field day have the serving that the app says okay thank you Mary I'm looking forward to it I'm gonna be I you know what I should do is go early sit in the corner and let them find me oh and on my belly is like oh please if I had a deep voice I could play Santa Claus no problema thank you Angie thank you so much I've been any meaning you go to have someone who feels yeah you know what the amazing Margot comes again I'm sure you're right how can I say this Mary Jane the other watching other youtubers just screws me up I don't know how to say this it's not in a bad way it's not in a mean way it's not in a way that I just like them it's none of those things but everybody has a different a different opinion on you should do this and you should do that you should do and then when we get a new program and everybody comes out with how to do the new program I can't stand that and I'm just gonna be honest with you guys it drives me crazy when the new program was coming out I went to my leader because I still talk to her and I said are they gonna take me green program and she's like no no she goes I want you to check out the new program if you want to still do you green program you can and she was right so that gave me bad information and I don't like when other people get that information I don't want to give I have never touched on new programs because I don't want to give out incorrect information because somebody at corporate is sneaking information to somebody on YouTube and that's just my personal opinion and you know what I'm entitled to it I mean no offense to anybody at all no offense but I found that when I was watching other youtubers it was just all over the place just oh I hope I'm making sense to somebody it's like if you go to a meeting all the information it's the same right it's all the same if you watch youtubers it's all different everybody's got something different to say so I'm just until I get my feet back on the ground I'm just gonna do my own thing but thank you for the suggestion I appreciate I appreciate you for for having my best at heart ah honey that's awful sweet I have to find a new one and some new peeps well I will say this as far as support until you do find one to get out and do watch you watch the youtubers well I know you are anyways but don't let what I'm saying have any effect on you because you need that support guts to have the support and it says I learned how to bake last Christmas in heaven stopped oh it must be awfully warm in your house Amy I did get my iPad fixed thank you for asking let's see honey does the app not say find a giant avocado well honey as a matter of fact it does not maybe we have the same since oh what's the other one besides the avocado that we're allowed to have now oh what is it I don't have that was good I think I want to fill it out and hang it on my wall Charlene how was your meeting Robbie asks can you connect the leader and let her know how you're feeling about oh yes in fact we've been talking on a regular basis we text we call I've been on a regular basis with her she's just been an angel she's been very supportive and you know she's like everybody asks about you Esther says honey and Esther are the British with flavor she's been very supportive she's like you know Sylvia and they keep asking for you needers they keep asking for you come I'm glad Mary Jane I'm glad no offense is taken I would never I have to be honest with my feelings and my thoughts and I have to never offend any of you swells because you're my swells and I just love you all so much and coming back can you just am I giving somebody just even if you have to lie am I oozing any happiness just being here and talking to you guys because it feels like a million bucks oh right I know you do after that's right I know I feel like a million bucks I feel great and thanks Shirley and I know I can do this I couldn't do it before I was too depressed and you are not the offending types that's right that's that's we're not are we that was so good oh Esther I don't I just you know what you guys I don't know what to do because my hair so thin and I just washed it I just don't do I am having one other problem that I want to see if anybody oh Mary Jane thank you so much Esther I need to know how you're doing with her hi Don I didn't say hello hi Connie yeah Connie but that's the point that's why I'm saying that they're allowing us to have them because we need need need to have healthy fats right we have to have healthy fats like nuts did you guys know that cash use can give you a great amount of gas trust me on this got to have healthy fats we can't just have low fat no fat high fat so we're allowed to have some avocado we just can't have a field full of avocados my neighbor across the way is a gardener and he brings Steve home bags and bags and bags of avocados now WW says you're allowed avocados we got a look at it up in the app I don't know what it is and let's look it up in I got a new phone too I'm just I'm like knocking it out of the park oh I don't have a glasses I don't know my glasses okay so let's do this ava avo okay I cannot see people okay avocado avocado for a medium avocado one quarter is two points okay now think about it a medium avocado it's about that big so a quarter is what a bite two bites they're not telling you hey everybody go out and get your avocados and scarf them down and make a whole bowl of wakambole and get your chips that's not what they're saying they're okaying some healthy fats for once which they need to put nuts on there too bye yester so good to see you love you lady hope all is well accepted off no you can't and you know what that's the first time you've said that here's to you sister here's to you is everybody else feeling okay both mentally and physically because that pandemic man it ran me into the ground Esther I'm so glad you said that that's the first time you've said that and that's the way you got to do it hello oh my gosh hey what are you doing lady what are you reading pride and prejudice I want to know what you're reading right now because every time I see your book on Instagram it's something like that ish Steve's gonna be home pretty soon with the time change what time is it my clock is backwards 3.30 Friday he should be home soon I'll stay home and then let him say hello to you guys he actually cut his beard and his hair and it's a miracle thank you Connie I'm glad it makes sense to you because all of us love our avocado so much and then you know we get that feeling like we're not supposed to eat it no no no it's like arsenic when that's not the truth we just have to watch how much we eat it the name of the rose before you were yours and the Benson murder case ooh that is that two different books because that first name sounds very intriguing hi Sharon how are you it's 5.30 there it's 3.30 here separation from her has oh I don't think I knew you guys had a separation last time I saw her she gave me a big hug and when I left she had tears good she hasn't done that for years good and you know that's good Lou you took too long to get here lady you just took too long so good to see you too this is the plan in a nutshell was very very sick mentally very very very very sick which I know you know finally saw a doctor because I got health insurance and my medication and I'm on the upswing going to my meeting Friday you know you were at Costco what do you mean you know you were listening to me at Costco everybody at your Costco was listening to me let's see Margot says it's been a rough 19 months but we're still here not too upset about being up good just happy things are just happy things are better in my life than a year ago if that means I have a wait to lose so be it gosh I wish I could have your mind think because you always bring everything around Margot you always have it love the way you think I wish I could apply it to my noodle I'm glad to have caught yours Sharon oh it's three oh my gosh you overdo it okay Mary so good to see you I'm gonna be splitting here pretty soon too because Steve's gonna be coming home then we'll have to see if he wants to go out for dinner but if he wants to go out to dinner and we go to the Don Cuccos I'm gonna get a low battery shoot my battery is gonna die you guys oh but I thank you but you do you just you have a way it would like you're like one of my aunties you guys I'm gonna split because I don't know if you saw that my screen froze so it's gonna freeze it's gonna die it's gonna go it's gonna be out of here so I don't want to just get cut off and not see thank you so much for coming in and talking to me thank you for your support I probably won't come in this week before Friday but I just might just to chitchat patio act and get your support for Friday I might do that so turn on your notifications just in case I need you know thank you Sharon thank you all you guys I love you so much you're just the bestest okay we can do this right all right love you guys