 It's natural to encounter conflicts among personal relations in life. But what happens when wanting things a certain way turns into control? According to Psychology Today, over 50% of adults are expected to experience emotional abuse in their lifetime. Emotional manipulation is when a manipulative or abusive person exercises specific strategies to gain control over or victimize another person. This typically comes from an inner desire to hold influence over someone through abusive tactics. Abusive people believe they have the right to control their victim's lives because they wish to be the main priority in the relationship and enjoy the power that they gain from such abuse. Emotional abuse can happen in any type of relationship, whether that may be personal, social, or professional. Oftentimes, the victim of a manipulator is left feeling helpless, distressed, and trapped in a toxic cycle which can severely impact their mental health. In order to protect yourself from any harm in a potentially toxic or abusive relationship, it's important to identify the many distinctive behaviors and actions of an emotionally abusive person. This can be the first step towards taking care of your own safety and mental and physical health. Let's break down the most common signs of a manipulator. Before we get started, please keep in mind that this video serves as general guidance purely for educational purposes and is not to be taken as a substitute for professional advice or assistance. Number one. They are too much, too soon. Emotional manipulators are skilled liars who have an ultimate goal in mind at all times. This usually involves gaining some sort of power. They'll do whatever it takes to achieve this, starting by skipping the important steps of a strong foundation of a relationship. Whether it's a relationship or at home, emotional manipulators seem to rush to get to the sweet spot of shared vulnerability. Have you ever heard of the term love bombing? This is when an abuser establishes a false sense of intimacy through overwhelming signs of adoration and making you perceive them to be emotionally open and sensitive. Dr. Suzanne Deggis-White, licensed counselor and professor at Northern Illinois University, explains that when the narcissist uses this strategy, they do so to capture their prey before the prey gets too wise to the game. Their narcissistic tendencies cause them to mirror your desires well, allowing them to create a persona of who they want you to believe they are. Except it's all an illusion. They overshare too much too soon an act to portray sensitivity all while playing a ruse of making you feel special. This makes the victim feel as though they've made it into the exclusive inner circle of the manipulator, gaining their concern and sympathy while making it so that the victim is now responsible for their feelings. Number two, they pretend to be concerned. You are stuck in a rut and need some support and reassurance. Your manipulator will initially display a sense of eagerness to take action and help, but this energy will soon turn into reluctance and indifference towards your situation. When a victim needs help in any situation, an emotional manipulator will find a way to make it about them. Helping the victim in any way will go nothing short of their toxic urge to remind them that they are a burden. Emotional manipulators can pretend to be concerned about their victim only when it's convenient to them and that's as far as they'll go to show care for anyone. Number three, they refuse to help resolve problems. Emotional manipulators tend to create a reason to have an argument and often feed off unresolved tension as it serves their power. In these situations, the manipulator takes advantage of the victim's emotional attachment to them by putting the blame on them, according to Anita Chlapala, a licensed marriage and family therapist. In a healthy relationship, both partners will listen to each other and be willing to compromise. A manipulator will have a my way or the highway attitude about it. Emotional manipulators claim the role of the victim. Nothing is ever their fault no matter what they do or don't do for that matter. If they get upset, it's on you for upsetting them. And if you get upset, that's also on you for having unreasonable expectations from them. In healthy relationships, the two partners will always share core values around some form of respect and empathy that they'll uphold even during tough times. They continue to look out for each other no matter the height of the obstacles that test them. In abusive relationships, however, the abuser removes themselves from the situation and avoids addressing the victim's concern in any way. They view conflict as you versus me rather than us versus the problem. Thus, in a toxic situation, the victim is cornered into giving up their side to avoid dealing with a person who refuses to listen to them. Number four, they gaslight you. Emotional manipulators are unsettingly good at bending reality to make themselves appear to be the victim in any given situation. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse, which can be challenging to identify at first, and has long-lasting effects on a victim's trust and self-esteem. According to Psychology Today, by manipulating the victim to doubt his or her own sense of reality, continually saying things like, that's not how it happened or you're crazy, the gaslighter asserts control over the relationship, leading the victim to rely on the perpetrator for a sense of reality. Gaslighting gives the manipulator a free pass to dismiss their toxic behaviors and refuses to acknowledge their wrongdoings. The tactic serves as a way for them to turn the issue onto you and distract you as you then become consumed with feeling at fault for the problem at hand. Gaslighting can instill self-doubt, anxiety, and confusion and can cause a person to develop serious mental health conditions such as depression. The victim falls into the trap and the gaslighter moves on with no remorse. Number five, they isolate you from others. Emotional manipulators can restrict you from contacting and meeting with friends and family to socially isolate you. A study published in the National Library of Medicine under the National Center for Biotechnology Information explains, isolation aims to undermine the victim's life and identity outside the relationship and foster a sense of dependency. This can look like them stopping you from hanging out with your friends, going home to see your family, or hanging out with anyone they don't feel particularly comfortable or close to. They fear that you spending more time with others might reveal the truth behind what's happening behind closed doors. Through constraining your social circle and support, emotional manipulators gain control over your contacts and connections so they can ultimately gain more control over you. The more severe the isolation, the more severe the abuse. Alternatively, victims can be influenced into self-isolation due to the fear of retaliation, coercion from the manipulator, or an attempt to stop the abuse altogether. Number six, they know your weaknesses and can use them against you. Emotional manipulators are highly aware of their victim's weaknesses and are always on the lookout to use them against them. This abusive tendency stems from their own narcissism and deep-rooted insecurities, which they project on you. They prey on your vulnerability by highlighting your shortcomings and live on putting you down and wearing you out. Professor and author of Communication Success, with four personality types and how to communicate effectively and handle difficult people, Preston Nye explains, some manipulators like to make critical remarks, often disguised as humor or sarcasm, to make you seem inferior and less secure. By making you look bad and making you feel bad, the aggressor hopes to impose psychological superiority over you. For instance, they may notice that you're struggling with a pressing insecurity, so they might use this against you by pointing it out or drawing attention to the thing that makes you feel the most vulnerable in, say, a social setting. With this psychologically damaging behavior, an emotional manipulator's greatest satisfaction comes from seeing their victim fall. This feeds their ego while they continue to distract the victim's self-esteem by making them feel flawed or less than. And number seven, they guilt-trip you. Emotional manipulators can use your guilt against you to get their desires met. Founder of take-root therapy, Saba Harouni Luri, LMFT, explains how the manipulator can take advantage of the victim's past wrongdoings, personal flaws, and even skillfully influence you to feel a sense of obligation towards them for anything they might have done for you in the past. This helps them gain more control of the victim by exaggerating your guilty conscience and causing you to feel responsible to put aside your needs and favor their preferences instead. Emotional manipulators use guilt as a tool to wield their victim's actions and motivate them to disregard their personal desires so they can stay dominant. Their game runs on making you feel dependent on them so they can sustain their control over you. And the issue is, they tend to be so good at it that you end up questioning your own sanity. Emotional manipulators can be difficult to deal with due to their unpredictable and irrational behavior. They can undermine your sense of identity and individuality. You may feel like there's no way out from the chaos and toxicity, but once you understand an emotional manipulator's tendencies, you can begin to proactively set stronger boundaries to protect yourself from this person. While you can't control the actions of them, you can set limits in place for what you personally will not tolerate from an emotional manipulator. When they cross the line, it's time to have an escape route planned to get away. You need to distance yourself from this person for the sake of your own safety and well-being. Dealing with an emotional manipulator can be a challenging process, so it's even more important to stay in close contact with trusted friends and family as you navigate through this. If you or someone you know is experiencing any form of abuse, please refer to the resources below for more information or assistance.