 Simon & Chuster Audio presents A Man Called Uva A novel by Frederick Bachman read by J.K. Simmons 1. A man called Uva buys a computer that is not a computer. Uva is 59. He drives a sob. He's the kind of man who points at people he doesn't like the look of, as if they were burglars and his forefinger a policeman's flashlight. He stands at the counter of a shop where owners of Japanese cars come to purchase white cables. Uva eyes the sales assistant for a long time before shaking a medium-sized white box at him. So this is one of those O-pads, is it? He demands. The assistant, a young man with a single-digit body mass index, looks ill at ease. He visibly struggles to control his urge to snatch the box out of Uva's hands. Yes, exactly, an iPad. Do you think you could stop shaking it like that? Uva gives the box a skeptical glance as if it's a highly dubious sort of box, a box that rides a scooter and wears track suit pants and just called Uva my friend before offering to sell him a watch. I see, so it's a computer, yes? The sales assistant nods, then hesitates and quickly shakes his head. Yes, or what I mean is it's an iPad. Some people call it a tablet and others call it a surfing device. There are different ways of looking at it. Uva looks at the sales assistant as if he has just spoken backwards before shaking the box again. But is it good, this thing? The assistant nods, confusedly. Yes, or how do you mean? Uva sighs and starts talking slowly, articulating his words as if the only problem here is his adversary's impaired hearing. Is it good? Is it a good computer? The assistant scratches his chin. I mean, yeah, it's really good, but it depends on what sort of computer you want. Uva glares at him. I want a computer, a normal bloody computer. Silence descends over the two men for a short while. The assistant clears his throat. Well, it isn't really a normal computer. Maybe you'd rather have a... The assistant stops and seems to be looking for a word that falls within the bounds of comprehension of the man facing him. Then he clears his throat again and says, A laptop? Uva shakes his head while... Sample complete. Ready to continue?