 Hi, I'm Matthew Coast, head dating coach and founder at CommitmentConnection.com and in today's video, we're going to talk about why men pull away after intimacy. And if this is your first time to our channel, make sure that you go and hit the subscribe button so that you can get more videos on how to have the relationship that you've always wanted. So let's get started. So why do men pull away after intimacy? So there's a bunch of different, I get a lot of women that come to me and they're like, oh, this guy, you know, we had this great connection and then he pulled away, right? And it's usually after either some type of sexual experience that they had together, or it's because of some kind of emotional intimacy that they had together. And so I'm going to talk about both of them. We're going to talk about the sexual experience first, and then we're going to move on to the emotional experience. And I'm going to tell you a little bit about how to get over this hump, how to make sure that he continues to want to pursue you even if you guys have that emotional intimacy together. So first is sex, right? So when we can talk about this from a biological standpoint, when a guy, when a woman, when two people have sex together, there's this hormone that's released. It's called oxytocin, right? It's this bonding hormone. And for a woman, the more oxytocin that is released into her body, so the stronger the sexual experience that she had with a man, the more and deeper of an emotional connection she feels with the guy. So for a guy, it's a completely different experience, different biological experience that he has is because when oxytocin is released into a man's body, what ends up happening is his testosterone actually drops when oxytocin is released. And so testosterone is what makes a man kind of feel that drive, right? That drive to go after a woman, to court her, to be romantic with her, to do all those things with her. And so if his testosterone drops, there's a good chance that he's going to kind of pull back and pull away. And so the second thing that you want to think about is that there's a power dynamic that happens in every situation. So women before sex have a lot of power, right? So men are the ones that come and pursue, chase, approach. They're putting in all the effort. They're putting in all the work. They're doing everything before sex, right? And they're doing it to get this woman. And so when a woman has sex with a guy, her power actually kind of drops a little bit, right? And it can even out, depending on how the guy feels about himself, about how the woman feels about herself, about how valuable each of these people are, the power dynamic can shift after sex. And so if there's not a deep emotional investment that a guy has in a woman before the sexual interaction, there's a very high chance that he's going to have kind of this sobering moment where he's like, whoa, you know, like, what am I doing here? Is this something that I want to continue to pursue? And if it's like, he drops out of his emotions, he drops out of this crazy drive that he has, and he goes into this space of like reflection and realization. And if he doesn't feel invested, if he doesn't feel like you're this amazing, valuable, awesome woman that he met, right, which can happen if you didn't connect with him in the right way, then there's a good chance that he'll end up pulling away from you, or completely ignoring you or disappearing on you, ghosting on you, that kind of stuff happens all the time. So let's talk about emotional intimacy for a second. So if a guy connects with you in a deep emotional way, why do men pull away after that happens? And one of the biggest reasons why this happens is because a lot of women think it's because guys are afraid of commitment, guys don't want emotional intimacy, guys are afraid of emotions or women or whatever. And that's not really true usually. That's usually not true. What's usually the case is that a guy is afraid of getting into a relationship with the wrong woman. So guys from what I've experienced being both a men's dating coach and a women's dating coach is that guys take relationships and being committed very, very seriously, right? So a lot of times women come to me and they're like, oh, I slept with this guy and now I want him to commit. And I'm like, is this guy even a really good guy for you? And usually they don't even know. Guys tend to be a lot more logical about this, right? So they look at this and they're like, am I, you know, there's a lot of things that a guy needs. If he's going to get into a relationship, if he's going to continue to get closer to a woman, if he's going to look at a woman and want to get married to her, there's a lot of things that he needs to experience. He needs to make sure that she's the right woman. So there's this thing, right? So men need to make sure that one that they're in a good position, right? From a standpoint of like financial position, from a bunch of different, the biggest one I ever see is financial, right? So a lot of times women are like, they connect with a guy and the guy's not ready or whatever. And it's because he's not financially ready. And she's like, well, what is any of that matter, right? It's love. That's what's important. Well, to guys, it's not just love. Love isn't the only thing that's important here. There's also, you know, as a man, we're expected to be the providers. And even if we aren't expected to be that from a biological standpoint, we don't feel like men if we can't kind of take care of and be providers for women. And while that for a woman is like, well, you should get rid of that or whatever. And I hear women say that all the time. It's like, you know, should you get rid of feeling like a woman? You know, like it's ridiculous. But a lot of guys, it's a real issue for them. And you have to consider that beforehand. And so the other thing that you have to consider beforehand is how does he feel about you as a woman, right? Are you the type of woman that he wants to get into a commitment with, right? Or some type of relationship or, you know, some type of marriage with, right? And so men, a lot of men are out there and they're, they're really, you know, it was one of the biggest complaints that I used to get from men in the men's dating industry was that they were like, I can't, you know, like I meet all these women and I end up sleeping with them and the sex is great. And it's so much fun and all these things. But I can't find a woman that I really want to be in a relationship with, right? And there's a lot of different things that make a guy feel like he wants to be in a relationship with a woman. One is the, is he in love, right? That can be a big factor. But love isn't the only thing. It's by far not the only thing. I actually, I'm going to be doing a video here soon on what makes a man feel like your relationship material, but there's other things, right? Like alignment, right? Does he feel like you're the type of woman that he can grow with? Another one is, you know, his emotional experience that he has when he's around you. Are you guys fighting all the time? You know, do you guys argue all the time? Do you guys share similar values? Do you feel, does he feel like you're somebody that he can hang out with and be with and, and is a good friend to him? You know, those are all big things that a man can consider. And if he ends up getting emotionally intimate with you and he doesn't feel like some of these things are in check or right with you, there's a great chance that he'll pull away. It's not fair, but that's what ends up happening. What a man really wants is a woman that he feels is high value, right? If he gets intimate with you sexually or emotionally and he feels like you're this really valuable woman to his life, it doesn't matter about any of all those other things that are going on. He will continue to chase you. He will continue to pursue you. He will commit to you. He'll want to get married to you. He'll think that you're the most amazing and special woman that he's ever met in his life. Thanks for watching this video. If you're ready to know exactly what to say and do to attract the man and the relationship you've always wanted, click on the button on the right hand side of this video and go to our website.