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So smoke the smoke tobacco experts smoke Lucky Strike, remember. Independent tobacco experts again name Lucky Strike First Choice. Lucky Strike First Choice over any other brand. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, Jack Benny has just returned from his stay in Palm Springs. So let's go out to Jack's house in Beverly Hills. It's morning and we find Rochester in the kitchen. I ain't gonna sing for the bitches that I own. And there's saucers and dirt on the floor. Oh, good morning. Good morning, Rochester. Oh, oh, good morning, boys. Did you have a nice night? Oh, pretty good, Rochester, but as you know I had a difficult time falling asleep. I counted 3,000 sheep. 3,020 to be exact. Was it that many? Yeah, and boss tonight when you go to bed, why don't you take a little pill? No, Rochester, I prefer to count sheep. I know, but I feel so silly putting on that white coat and jumping back and forth over your bed post. Rochester, if I can toss and turn, you can jump a little. Doesn't hurt. Now pour me some coffee. Okay, just a minute, boss. Why'd you pull down the shade? In case Mr. Coleman looks out of his window, I don't want him to see you. Oh, yes, yes. He's still mad about my losing his Oscar, isn't he? Mad. Yesterday he came over and got one of our lawn mowers. Well, that's all right. I know, but he mowed half his lawn before he put the flag down on the meter. Gee, Rochester, if Mr. Coleman finds out I'm back from Palm Springs, no telling what he'll do. But I have to go to the studio. How am I going to get out of the house without him seeing me? Well, let me see. I know. What? Get down on all fours, I'll throw the bear skin rug over you and lead you out of the house on a leash. No, no, that wouldn't work. I suppose he comes over to pet me. I'll leave the muzzle off so you can bite him. I probably break my tooth on his gargards, silly. But I gotta get out of the house without Mr. Coleman seeing me. Say, boss, I know what you can do. What? You've still got your old Charlie's Ant costume. Why don't you put that on? Say, that's a wonderful idea. If I'm dressed like a woman, he won't recognize me. You take it, Rochester. I'll go in and put on my Charlie's Ant costume. Yes, sir. Mr. Benny's residence, dark stage, green radio, and will accept the nomination for any party that'll let him rent out rooms in the White House. Hello, Rochester, this is Miss Livingston. Oh, hello, Miss Livingston. How did you enjoy your two-week stay in Palm Springs? Oh, wonderful, Rochester. I was on the golf course with Mr. Benny every day. I know, and Mr. Benny said you owed him $4.35. That's right. I didn't know he could beat you. He didn't beat me. He cattied for me. By the way, Rochester, how does Mr. Benny feel now? Much better, but when he got home from Palm Springs, he was green. What made him so sick? Well, he stopped at an orange juice fan that said, all you can drink for $0.10, and we had to roll him back in the car. Oh, so that's what it was. He woke me up when he came sloshing into the house. Well, Rochester, please tell Mr. Benny that I'll pick him up in a few minutes on my way down to the studio. That'll be fine, Miss Livingston, but would you mind waiting for him down in the corner? On the corner? Why? Mr. Benny will explain it to you when he sees you. All right, Rochester. Goodbye. Goodbye. Are you decent, boss? Rochester, how do I look in my Charlie's Aunt costume? Well, let me see. You've got the wig on straight, and your curls tumble down over your forehead in the tantalizing manner. Thank you. Thank you. Your mascara is just heavy enough to accentuate the blue in your eyes. Good. Good. Your lips have the red glow of a summer sun as it slowly sinks into the peaceful vicinity. Well... And your... Uh-oh. What's the matter? You better pull up your shoulder straps. Your hair on your chest is showing. Oh, nobody will notice that when I wear my shawl. Oh, my goodness. Look what time it is. I better get started for the studio. I told Miss Livingston to pick you up on the corner. Well, that's a good idea. Gee, I hope nobody recognizes me. Rochester, do this dress really make me look like a woman? Boss, if this was Mother's Day, you'd be lousy with flowers. Good, good. Song, Rochester. Goodbye. Little chilly. I'm glad I wore this shawl. A pretty girl is like a melody. Gee, if I pass Georgie Jessel, I'm dead. But it'll be interesting. As soon as I get in Mary's car, I'll take off this dress and... Uh-oh. Oh, my goodness. Here comes Ronald Coleman walking this way. I just put down my head and crossed the street. Gee, that was close. Better be careful, lady. Huh? May I help you cross the street? Well, thank you, thank you very much. But I can manage by myself. Well, well, let me take your arm. Well, all right. Am I walking too fast for you, Mother? Cross the street. Yes, now, now watch the curb. Up, sir Daisy. Thank you. Thank you very much, Mr. Coleman. Oh, you, you recognize me? Yes, yes. Now I have to run over... Would you, would you like my autograph? Oh, not now. I'm in a hurry. Oh, well, well, only take a minute. I'm sorry, but I don't have a pencil or a paper. I really haven't. Oh, I don't need pencil and paper. I have them written out on little cards. You know, the, um, the demand has been quite heavy lately. Oh, oh, then I'll take one. No, take two. Give one to your husband. Thank you. He's dead. He'll be thrilled. By the way, Madam, am I the first movie star you ever met? Well, no, no. I once met Charles Farrell, star of Seventh Heaven. Charlie Farrell, no, no. Must have been before my time. Yes. Well, thanks again, Mr. Coleman. You're my favorite Oscar. I mean actor. You're my favorite actor. What was that? Goodbye, goodbye. Thanks so much. Goodbye, goodbye. Yes, that was a narrow escape. I don't know how much longer I could have held out. There's a fly under my wig. I'll get him. I'll comb him out later. Let me see. Rochester said that Mary would pick me. Oh, here's Mary's car over there. I beg your pardon, Madam, but I'm... Mary, it's me. It's me. Oh, for heaven's sake, Jack, what are you doing in that outfit? I had to put it on so I could sneak out of the house without Ronald Coleman recognizing me. It's a good thing I did too because I bumped into him. I saw Ronnie too. Oh, my good. If he saw you, he'll be sure to know that I'm around. Oh, he didn't see me, Jack. He just walked by the car and threw his autograph in the back seat. The back seat? Oh, yeah, here it is. Well, what do you know? This one has glue on it so you can stick it on your windshield. Come on, Mary. Let's go. Jack, you're not going to the studio dressed as Charlie's aunt, are you? No, no, Mary. I have my suit on underneath. I'll slip the dress off while you're driving. No, no, Jack. Don't take it off. I want to remember you just the way you are. What? The way your curls tumble down over your forehead in the tantalizing manner. Say, Rochester said the same thing. And your mascara is just heavy enough to accentuate the blue of your eyes. That's funny. He said that too. And your lips have the red glow of a summer sun slowly sinking into the labrea tar pits. Mary. I bet he didn't think of that one. No, no. Now, come on. Let's hurry to the studio. I can't get this. I got to get this dress off before we get there. I'm going into my dressing room. Call me when you start the rehearsal, will you? Okay, I'll see you later. Da-da-da-dum, da-dee-da-dee-da-dum, da-dum-dee-dum. Oh, there's Mel Blank. Hello, Mel. Hello, Jack. Are you going to use me on your show today? No, no, Mel. I spent too much money in Palm Springs. Maybe next week, huh? So long, Mel. So long. If-if-if-if-if-if, that's all, folks. He's a clever guy. It's a shame he won't work cheaper. Oh, well, da-dee-da-dum, da-dee-dum. Hiya, Jackson. Long time, no see. Oh, hello, Phil. Hi, Jackson. Let me look at you. You know, you're staying in Palm Springs. Did you a lot of good? You're two inches taller. What? You're taller? No, no. I forgot to take off these high-heeled shoes. But, Phil, no kidding. I sure missed you on our last two shows. I know. What? You need me, Jackson. You need me. What do you mean? I got big laughs, didn't I? Yeah, you got laughs, but there was something missing. You know, your program without means like a Persian rug. It looks good, but it just lays there. Phil. Look, Jackson, you tried it without me for two weeks. Now, have you learned your lesson? What? If you can't take the talent with you, stay where the talent is. Phil, shrinking violet. Look, how can you possibly be so egotistical? I ain't egotistical, Jackson. I just say, if you got an effervescent personality, let it fizz! Let it fizz! Well, that doesn't stop the air conditioning. Nothing will. Now, Phil, listen to me. We've got a very important show, so let's get started with the rehearsal. Okay, but you wait a minute, Jackson. I want to go in and run over Dennis's song with him. Okay, I'll come along with you. Come on. All right, all right, all right, man. Hold it, hold it, hold it. Let's run through Dennis's number once more. All right, come on. Very strange and chattered boy. They say he wandered. The orchestra should have played it with just a little more rhythm. I guess you're right, Dennis. Oh, Phil. I'll take care of it. Hey, fellas, when we do the number on the show, play it a little bit more pistachio. That's pizzicato. Pistachio. When we give you the wrong word, you can't pronounce it. Say, Dennis. Dennis. Say, Dennis, what time, uh... Dennis, what... Say, Dennis, what time did you get home from Palm Springs Sunday night? Oh, I didn't get home Sunday. I got home late Wednesday and almost missed my own show. But you left Palm Springs Sunday night. What took you so long? Did your car break down? No, but I ran into a lot of traffic in Salt Lake City. Salt Lake City? Dennis, why did you go from Palm Springs to Los Angeles by the way of Salt Lake City? I wanted to avoid the traffic light and banning. Well, that's logical. Well, that wasn't the only reason. I also wanted to break in my new car. My mother gave it to me for my birthday. Hey, congratulations, kid. When was your birthday? Last week. And I had a swell party, too. Refreshments and dancing and games like post office. Well, well, who was there? Just me. Dennis, how could you dance and play games all by yourself? It's done with mirrors. Oh, fine. We have them two shows I can understand, but this kid's a mystery. Dennis, why don't... Say, Jack, oh, hello, Dennis. Well, how are you, Libby? You ravishing gorgeous one, you. Hello, Phil. Say, Jack, the drug store just sent back the pictures we took in Palm Springs. Oh, good, good. Let's take a look at them. Here's a picture of me taking near the pool in my bathing suit. Hey, let me see that, Libby. Here you are. That's really a gorgeous bathing suit. Oh, it's nothing. That he can see, believe me. And, Phil, here's one of Jack and his bathing trunks. Let me have a figure of that. Oh, no. No. Oh, no, no. What are you laughing at? You look like a spider with four legs, miss. All right, Phil, you can stop fizzing. Say, Mary, can I see that picture of Mr. Benny? Here you are, Dennis. Gee, I don't know what Phil was laughing at. Thanks, kid. For a spidey, you look pretty good. Well, I don't know whether you fellas are kidding me or not. Say, Jack, we better start rehearsing. We'll go on the air pretty soon. Yeah, let's get going, Jackson. The music's already. Good. Hey, wait a minute. Where's Don? Oh, Don. Well, here I am, Jack. Well, Don is getting kind of late, and we have to... Don. Don, did you pass an orange juice, Stan? You look like this. Oh, I see. Well, look, Don. We've got practically everything ready but the quartet. Did you rehearse them? Oh, yes, Jack. I've got a great surprise for you. A surprise? Yes, for weeks now, your quartet's been rehearsing an operatic number, but they needed a soprano for the lead. Uh-huh. So I took the liberty of asking Miss Dorothy Kirsten to come over and join them. Well, I think it was very... Dorothy Kirsten? You don't mean Dorothy Kirsten of the Metropolitan Opera? Yes, Mr. Benny, and here I am. Well, Miss Kirsten, this is indeed an honor and a great privilege having an operatic star like you on my program. Thank you, Mr. Benny. Coming from a violinist of your reputation, I consider that quite a compliment. Well, speaking of my... violin playing, I really shouldn't take too much credit for a talent that comes naturally. Really. Something that you can do. Really. Some talent. Your father used to tie a flat iron on the end of your bow so you could practice the violin and press pants at the same time. Mary, please. Oh, Miss... Miss Kirsten, this is Mary Livingston. How do you do, Miss Livingston? And this is Dennis Day. Dennis, you must be very proud to be associated with a man of Mr. Benny's stature and importance. In a bathing suit, he looks like a spider. Mr. Day. He's such a kid. Oh, Miss Kirsten, I wanted to tell you that I saw you in Madame Butterfly Wednesday afternoon, and I thought your performance was simply magnificent. Well, thanks awfully. It's an awfully nice and kind of you, Mr. Wilson. But who could help singing Puccini? It's so expressive and particularly in the last act starting with the Allegro Viva Chissimo. Well, that's being very modest, Miss Kirsten, but not every singer has the necessary bel canto and flexibility or range to cope with the high testitura of the first act. Thank you, Mr. Wilson. And don't you think that in the Aria Un Bel Di Vedremo that the strings played the conmolto passione exceptionally fine and with great sustenendo? Well, I thought... Oh, shut up! Mary, that's not cricket. I was only trying to be sociable, that's all. Gee, Miss Kirsten, I wish my mother was here. She'd enjoy meeting you. She's a singer, too. Oh, is your mother a soprano or a contralto? She's a baritone. Dennis, please. Miss Kirsten, as I understand it, you're going to sing a number with my quartet. Is that right? Yes, we rehearsed all week. Didn't we, boys? Well, this is really a big event on my show, Miss Kirsten. I'm certainly thrilled having you, but, uh, but pardon me, Don. Don, step over here a minute, will you? Don, how much is Miss Kirsten, uh... I mean, how much is she going to charge me? Well, lean over, Jack. I'll whisper it to you. Whoops! See, she gets more than Mel Blank. Mr. Benny, I hope you're not concerned about the financial arrangements. Oh, no, no. That is, I'm not worried for myself. I'm worried about the rest of my cast. They'll have to take a cut, you know. Miss Kirsten, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Miss Kirsten, what number have you and the boys prepared? The quartet from Rigoletto. Oh, well, that should be wonderful on the show. May we hear it now? Certainly. Don, announce it now. Just the way we're going to do it on the show, will you? Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we have the privilege of bringing you the quartet from Rigoletto with the sportsman quartet, and starring Miss Dorothy Kirsten of the Metropolitan Opera. I must call you Dorothy now. That was, really, that was simply superb. Thank you, Jack. You know, Miss Kirsten, my mother wanted me to become an opera singer. Well, it's a very exciting profession. Indeed. But it requires intensive voice training. I studied ten years. In Milan? No. Do what did he. Dorothy, when you do this same number on the show, you'll have to do it on the show. You'll have to do it on the show. Dorothy, when you do this same number on the show, I'd like to ask you a favor. When you finish the number, don't leave the stage. We may want an encore. Very well, Jack. And now there's something I'd like to ask you. What is it? Where did you get those darling, open-toed shoes? I'm sorry. I meant to take them off. It's a long story, but here's what happens. Everybody on stage, everybody on stage. The program goes on in two minutes. Come on, Dorothy. Come on, kids. Let's give them a great show. Ladies and gentlemen, the majority of American hospitals now have patients waiting to be admitted, and the situation in many areas is growing steadily worse because of insufficient nursing personnel. All young women between the ages of 17 and 35 who are high school or college graduates are urged to apply for admission in any one of the 1,300 accredited schools of nursing. Apply to the one nearest you. Thank you. Jack, we'll be back in just a minute, but first here's Basil Rivesdale, one of the most famous tobacco experts again named Lucky Strike First Choice. Lucky Strike First Choice over any other brand. The famous Crosley poll has just completed an impartial survey in 11 southern tobacco states. This poll, taken among tobacco experts, reveals the smoking preference of the men who really know tobacco. Yes? For their own personal smoking enjoyment, independent tobacco experts again named Lucky Strike First Choice. Lucky Strike First Choice over any other brand. These are the experts, auctioneers, buyers, and warehousemen, and we believe their overwhelming preference for Lucky Strike has a direct relationship to the quality tobacco we purchase for Lucky's. You've heard the poll results. Now listen to what Mr. Fernie Simmons King, independent buyer from Lexington, Kentucky recently said. Season after season, I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike by real fine tobacco, ripe, light tobacco that makes us swell smoke. I've smoked Lucky's 19 years. So for your own real, deep down smoking enjoyment, remember LSMFT, LSMFT. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, so round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. Be sure to listen to the Phil Harris Alice Faye show on Sundays in a day in the life of Denny's Day on Wednesday. I want to thank Ms. Dorothy Kirsten of the Metropolitan Opera for helping us out tonight. I also want to thank Ronald Coleman for helping me across the street. And now if you'll excuse me folks, my feet are killing me. Good night. This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.