 So today we're going to talk about, do dating apps really work? The dating apps, the on our phone. The reason I want to talk about this today is because I'm having some interesting new awareness around using dating apps and and I thought I'd share it with everyone today because and I'm looking at my own patterns of my behavior with respects to online dating and you know, I'm kind of in a catch-22 because in my professional capacity, you know, I'm here talking about dating relationships all day long and unlike most men out there and then I've been an advocate for dating apps for years because when after going through a divorce I found my well, I didn't use dating apps. I use dating sites after my divorce and I met some really amazing women. I'm I Got to go on a lot of dates Not that that's a good thing. I went on a lot of dates, but I mean there was access to people There was access to an abundance amount of people and in the beginning my first couple years after my divorce I mean I had what feels like hundreds and hundreds of dates Probably that number isn't too far off So there was this perception that there was all this abundance out there And the more I did it the more I did it the more I did I realized that the problem Isn't the dating sites the problem was me in other words what I truly wanted was I in a healthy place to be in a relationship and the dating sites were this Addictive became an addictive thing for me now. Thankfully because of my addiction I I found my vocation in life So I'm very grateful for the the addiction and the dating process and the dating sites and whatnot But as I got to know myself better I realized that once the dating apps once the swipe apps were invented I became rather addicted to the process I became rather addicted to the Dopamine hit when someone would swipe you and you'd match and they go and you'd say inside yourself Or at least I didn't set them inside myself Oh, someone likes me and then we gauge in a conversation It would fade out and it was just one disappointment after another after another So as I really leaned into What's happening both for myself and globally and I'm saying globally from the dating perspective around dating apps is that It's it's I think that swipe apps have bastardized the process At least it was at least when there was the dating sites where you used your laptop There was a lot more information. There was a few more hurdles to jump through There was You know a little few more barriers into entry. There was a little bit more success and now because of dating apps I think The swiping and the the dopamine hits and the addictive process of it has made it almost Incredibly incredibly difficult especially if you're swiping with people who live hundreds of miles away because there's the need to meet Right away. There's the need to meet right away And you haven't even developed a relationship and what I mean by relationship having developed any familiarity with a person It's all about meeting meeting meeting and and God forbid when you meet and there's lust or limerence going on that could take you down a whole another rabbit hole of of Approaching it from an attraction based way of dating and not a compatible based way of dating Okay, so I'm sharing all this with you because I'm finding myself in a position where I'm spending Still have the dating. I still have my my Profile on the different apps, but I've made a commitment to myself to stop looking every single day Or at least I upgraded my service to those where I could look to see who swiped me And then I can make a quick determination, but I'm not even sure that's healthy Because I'm coming to the awareness that I so desired a relationship That I was getting in my own way trying so hard and being attached to the outcome I got and I think part of it it was because is because of my profession I was like I want to prove to everyone I can do it this way so I can show you Even though my coaching has nothing to do with the online dating process my coaching is all about how to vet for emotional maturity how to Determine who is actually capable of being in a relationship. So I've really gotten good at that skill for myself And I and I'm grateful that I can teach that but in my own life I got I've gotten so Addicted to the process and the attachment to the idea of it Instead of just trusting that the universe knows exactly my desire I do not have to make any once the desire is out there the universe is going to let it expand Expedentially unless I'm creating resistance and that resistance is the addiction that existence is the expectation that Existing is caring about it Now some people might say stop caring It's not about care. It's about attachment to the outcome. It's about attachment to the idea of it I don't believe in caring. I believe in just Don't be you know allow yourself not to be affected by it Now this is a lot easier said than done, especially when you truly desire a partner Which is why when I think back for the last few years that I've been single What I learned was to Appreciate my own company what I learned is just the last few years. I'm just like I like my own company I really enjoy my own company. Now. Does that mean that could be the danger of of being recluse? No, I still desire to be connected with someone and yet I'm in a space where I feel good And when you actually feel in a spin you when you're in a space of just feeling good And you just feel good you just feel good You're just feeling good and I feel good and I feel good and I feel satisfied and and I'm still doing the personal development work To keep making myself a little bit better and a little bit better and when I use the word better I simply mean, you know not allowing negativity to over Override my emotions and just leaning into trust leaning into trust leaning into trust And so I say a prayer most every day Dear God universe spirit I invite you I put out the energy to invite my soulmate into my life my true love into my life Where we can begin a partnership together where we have mutual chemistry and we have excellent Communication skills with one another and we banter with each other on a regular basis in a healthy happy way And we have the ability to resolve conflicts and differences with ease and we're compatible in that our lifestyles are blendable with one Another and we enjoy each other's company and we can do spontaneous things with ease And we are we share the same values in life and we have that emotional maturity to actually go beyond our egoic beliefs and actually leaning into more Unconditional love and lastly we can build the deep roots of trust together So we can forge this healthy happy relationship together and for that or in that I invite that into my life So that's my invitation for you Let go of the dating apps Trust that the universe is going to invite someone in set that prayer work on yourself Emotionally every single day and allow God universe spirit to bring that person into your life And when you're ready And oftentimes we're getting ready to get ready to get ready to quote Abraham and when you're ready that person will show up God-willing and if they don't maybe in the next time like lifetime that will happen because I believe our spirit is eternal And we get to try this over and over and over again just for fun All right I'd like to hear your thoughts on this please post a comment below with this resonated with you if you have something to share Certainly share the group Midlife love mastery to your friends and send them to my website Jonathan asley.com have them click the group coaching button so they can join our fantastic group and I'm gonna sign off this video As I always do first I've given myself a big gigantic job the bearer of self-love And I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone a pat a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love His hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now. Bye. Bye. Bye