 have the business or whatever, the six at best or whatever you had said. And I'm just really curious as to, since that video has happened, have you reached out to her to maybe just say anything like, I'm sorry that it came across the way that it did or anything too hard to just kind of say, maybe my tone or maybe what I said or my frustration that you weren't respecting what I was trying to do that night with my show led me to act the way that I did. Cause when I saw it, I was stunned. You know what I find interesting? Is you two expect a man who was running a business when a woman who was an avid viewer of the show called in on an inappropriate day and I did my level best to talk to this woman irrespective of my platform. And for 23 minutes, I tried to give her exactly what she wanted. So, and no, has she called me to say, you know what sir, I'm sorry for calling in on the wrong day. I know I should have did that. I'm sorry for not paying attention, picking up my phone, doing that. I'm sorry for laughing and acting inappropriate. See, but that's the way the conversation's always been. It's always on the black man to bend over backwards and come back to queen black woman and beg for your forgiveness. It ain't gonna happen. I said what I meant and I meant what I said. That's why it's up. That's right. Okay, and that's fine. Okay, so you didn't. So my thing is that- I didn't know should I, I didn't and I don't, and nor should I have been expected. Okay, and that's fine. That's your show, it's your decision. But this is the other thing. If you are a, because I'm on television as well. And if you are on, if you have your own show and somebody is doing something that you find disrespectful to your show, just like you hung up on me, you could have hung up on her. You know what I'm saying? Like you didn't even have to continue having the conversation- Tell me what I should and shouldn't I do. I did what I did. I said you could have- Look, Rochelle, Rochelle, I could have done a lot of things, but I did what I did. Yeah, I know you did, I'm just saying. Okay, but here's the thing, you're just saying, but here's the thing, I find it very rich. We are always telling men what we should do. They told Kevin Kelly what he should do in his restaurant too. He put a million dollars plus into a business during the pandemic to employ black people. And because he said, get the fuck out, I don't need your money. They wanted to cancel the brother. 82% of men say there are no marriageable women on the market. When are you ladies gonna start listening to men instead of telling us what we should do? Exactly. I didn't say- Okay. Yes, you have. I didn't say, I did not say what you, I didn't say you had to do that, but what I'm saying- But why would you think it's on me? Why would you think it, okay, why would you think it's on me to reach out to this woman and call her? She is not a poor- We moved past that, Kevin. Hold on, no, no, no, no, but the thing is, hold on, but my question is, I didn't ask you a follow-up question. Why would I need to follow up with a middle-aged entrepreneur, 35-year-old business owner, mother of one, to coddle her feelings like she's a wounded little bird? That's not what I said. I asked you a question, I asked you if you did. I didn't say- Why would I need to though? I didn't say that you needed to. I just asked you a question. That's it, you didn't do it. Okay, moving on. I never said you needed to do anything. I just asked you to do it. But you asked the question for a read. Okay, and the thing is, if I were Gordon Ramsay, if I were at Simon Cowell, I wouldn't be asked, well, did you say, did you really have to be the ways, when you told that person they are ghastly singer, did you send them a message and say, I shouldn't have said it? How you doing? Finding Cowell is a narcissist and an asshole too. So I mean there's no difference between them two. Oh, okay, two, two. Interesting, two. I think it's funny, I'm sorry to step in, I think it's really funny that a lot of people are so uptight or concerned about your tone when you spoke with her. When again, like you said, she called in, she was a listener, so she should be used to your tone and how you present whatever dialogue that you're having. And she asks you questions that you were specifically answering and she was ignoring. And I think it's a little funny that so many people feel that you were out of line when you were very clear to me, you were extremely patient. And I also think that the woman was not expecting you to be as thorough as you were because she was not really prepared. And so I don't think, I don't think she deserved an apology at all. It wasn't a situation that required it. She should have taken the information as you gave it to her and hopefully she'll put it forth and maybe she'll get that six-figure guide that she thinks that she's, you know, able to get it. Of course, and I've been told that I've cursed the woman out. I said, brawl. I said, damn. In the context of God, a goddamn nerve. I said, brawl. And then I said, get the fuck off my phone. Over the course of a 23-minute conversation, that was on the way of hanging up. But yet I've cursed this woman out. I've heard some of the most disingenuous responses from women. I've heard grown women that are about 10 years older than this woman called this woman a young, helpless woman and da da da da. Here's the thing. If women are, men are not going to speak to you like women. And if you need us to speak to you like women, go get a woman. Men are fed up with this narrative. And when we speak, you say we're hurt, you're bitter, you're disa- What's going on with the last 30 years of media in the image of black men? Men are speaking their truths. And men are speaking what they're saying and you're not going to silence them, shame them. You're not going to maneuver them because here's what ends up happening. Like it or not, of the black men who marry and go to college and have a bachelor's or higher, 30% marry out. Why? We want to say they hate themselves. They're self-haters. They can't deal with a strong black woman. But you never ask the men why. We never ask the men why they're doing what they do. We just chastise them for doing what they do. And my show has proved in for six months, night in, night out, what women want. And I don't judge what they want. I just ask, what's the likelihood of you getting it and what kind of, and what does the kind of man that you want from a woman? And that's when it starts to fall apart. Why is it such a difficult ask to get the average sister to see where the men are coming from, especially the men that you say you want? I don't get it, but we're going to keep it going. Raise your hand. And I will say this to the men. Here's my challenge to the men, especially if you're one of the men that falls in this category. You guys need to stop being quiet. I know you have jobs. I know we have to cancel culture, but of the thousands of responses, women think that it's a minority of men because they're not hearing it. And unfortunately, we all have something to do in this regard. It's not just for content creators or these people. It's for average, everyday folks to start telling the truth. It is over the holiday. When you go back home to your family, say what you really think and stop telling women what you believe they want to hear just to keep the peace. If you want a different outcome, let's see. We got a lot of people with their hands raised. So, now go to Jared. And next up, Jared. Hello? Okay. You got to wait for him. You got to wait for him to accept the invite to come up with something. Oh, okay. All right, cool. I agree with. I feel like that woman that came on, she sold herself short by, I think you asked her to rate herself and she said she was a five and I think she should have rated herself much higher if she... Why? Why? I don't think she believed she was a five either. But my question is, my question is when did it become so, most people are average or normal? You know, I feel like, okay. So, you told her she was average at best. So, I didn't take, I was not offended by that, that is... What is that? Let me explain what average at best means. When you are a five, when you wake up, that means most of the times you are average. At best, you are a six. So over your lifetime, you're average at best and we're only getting older. Gravity is only taking more of effect. We know how this works. Okay, so aside from that, I think what Rochelle is referring to is like, and what you said is you called her broad. You told her to get the F off of your phone. You know, I think, you said men don't need to speak to women as women, then what should they speak to them as? Like how... No, no, speak to men. No, we don't need to speak to women like we're women. Oh, like you're women. Okay, I understand. But the thing is like, it was your delivery, if that's how you decide to deliver things, it's okay. Everybody has their way. Actually, really, let's be honest, really it isn't written. It's not okay. It's not okay, or else it wouldn't be such a backlash. Okay, well, I mean, I think part of the reason you do that is because it draws, you know, it draws attention too, you know? No, no, no, C, B. We don't ask men questions. We tell them what we do. You tell me what I do. You have a chance to ask me any question you want and you're telling me about it. Okay, so why do you do that then? Like, why did you speak to her that way? Because it was deserved at that point. Did you watch the entire 20 minute video? Hold up, I'm sorry. Excuse me, excuse, oh, don't, please don't. Was that Michelle? Watching her. Yes, it was Michelle, but... No, that's not gonna work, ma'am. Okay, well, it also doesn't work. Okay, you don't have to be here, man. You don't have to. Oh, no, I'm about to leave, but really quick. So your advice to men is to tell women... Again. Kevin, that was not nice. Whoa, why was that not nice? She was being rude. That's how you have to do it. That's how you have to do it. Stop, stop. That is what the black community is used to. One way, aggression. You're used to women being able to be verbally aggressive and abusive to men and we're just supposed to take it. I won't. Was that woman, so the reason why I... Ma'am, let me finish what I'm, let me also say this. That woman is a professional. You know how to conduct yourself, but see the thing is black men are men not. There is a low level contempt and lack of respect for the overall black male image. So when black men finally respond, you question us as to why we responded. Well, I tell you what, if Isaac and I were dialoguing back and forth, we would have to understand that there's a line that we don't cross because there's a low level third of violence between men. Between a man and a woman, you guys have no consequences. You're completely protected to where you can see a woman who's five foot, something, a hundred and something, calling her six foot, 300 pound, you punk motherfucker, piece of shit, nigga, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick. And that has an effect. Men are not doing this anymore. You want to be respected? I have thousands of, I have hundreds of hours of me speaking to women with respect because it was given. I mirror back what I get. I don't understand. Well, and if you think, and if you ladies need to understand something, men are sitting back listening to how you talk to another man that you have a disagreement with. You don't like what I did. But instead of just saying, you know what, you're a grown man, it's your platform, you have the right to do what you do. She was fought on both sides. No, no, I'ma get you told. Let me tell you what's going on with you. That's not going to work, like. I agree. I think there's a way to like discuss things and you don't have to yell and you know, you don't have to agree. But I'm asking, what did that woman do for you to like curse at her like that? Man, when you say curse at her like what? Let's be real. What curse, what curse did I say? Well, you're like, you called her abroad and I don't, I think that's offensive. Like I wouldn't want someone to curse. But that's not a curse, ma'am. Well, no, I'm talking about when you said like, you said like get the eff off of my phone or something. And I was hanging up. I mean, we got to be honest, ma'am, hold on. See, black women, I was raised by black women and y'all know how to curse straight. You see, it's hyperbole. You cursed at that woman. Y'all curse, y'all call each other far worse than we ever could. I said, the problem I have with you broads because she was acting like I broad at that point. I called it what I saw. That's what I saw at the point that was 18 minutes into the phone call. It ain't like she picked up the phone and it was that. And everybody keeps going back to that point. You said broad, you said the effort, you said this. Well, how about this? How come she didn't just go to the side to say, I'm sorry, sir, I've called it the wrong day. I'll go ahead and book a session. How about that? That's fair. I agree with that. It's more than fair. And I said, well, since you don't want it, and I said it at the beginning, you're an average fan, you know how this works. Well, come on, I was like, all right, I'm going to do this and use it as a teaching lesson. And that's exactly what happened. You know, I offered multiple times during this. I said, ma'am, please don't make me do this. Please don't make me say that. Book a session. I think you need it. But she kept pushing. Well, what do you, well, what, well, what, well, what? Here's my, here's the better question. What, for everybody that seems to be such a detractor, what should a man say when he continues to get pushed and pushed and pushed to the edge? What should he say or what should he do? I think, I think just disengage. And I guess you tried to do that. I thought that was your way of disengaging with her. So I'm like, I can't understand yet. Right. So a man disengages and you can't disengage when somebody who's not going to disengage. See, that's what black men continue to get told to just mute yourself, don't speak, just be the strong silent type. Just take it, stand in it, bear under it. You know, like when you say that part, it's like, I do understand what you're saying. I do understand your frustration. Black men have it very rough. And women, we have more of an outlet to be a bit more sensitive and express our feelings and our frustration. But you know, like, you keep saying, men are told to do this and men are told to do that. But what if you meet a woman that's more than women? Ma'am, Rihanna Vanzant on Fix My Life said, when men said, she said I would, when questioned about dealing with a black woman's problem, she said, I would teach my sons to stand in it with her. Random black women. This is what black men have been told to stand in it with you. Here's the funny thing. That woman wanted a six-figure man off the ribs. She did, I said, why don't you get an average man? Why don't you get a Henry, a high earner, not richer? Why don't you build with somebody? Nope, she wanted a microwave ready to go. So you don't want to build with a man. But yeah, we're supposed to stand in your mess with you. All right, Ronnie. And this is why I say, you ladies may not like what I'm saying, but 82% of men are sitting back high-fiving. Everywhere I go around this country, men are thanking me. I agree with like 98% of what you say. Your delivery is a bit, but I can't shoot the messenger. However it gets bold. But we do. We do. It is what it is. But if I was a black woman, it would be just fine. A black woman can say what she wants to a black man. No, that's not true. I think that there is this, I think there is this. Really, so, are you honestly saying that the roles are reversed? The black woman would have gotten the firestorm of backlash that I had. Absolutely not. No, no. No, Kevin, no. So let's be, we gotta start being honest. We're used to one way of crashing with men. And it's like, well, what do you want the men to do? And this is what the men are getting, conflicting messages. I think that there is this unfortunate, like you said, many women are. Let me bring up two more people. Many women are raised with this thought that men are supposed to have this unnatural level of restraint. And that they're supposed to have this, this unnatural barrier that stops them from acting out of control. Meanwhile, as women, we could act out of control. Even when it comes to physical assault, there are plenty of men that are physically being abused, but they're taught not to accept the abuse while the women, as soon as you get that response that you were actually looking for, now we have a Me Too campaign or now we have these other different campaigns and cancel cultures against that man who may have been taken abuse from this woman. So I definitely think that there is this, especially in the African-American community, I think that there is this unspoken thing where we train our men and we train our sons to have this unnatural level of restraint. Meanwhile, we don't do the same with women. I think that's a generalization though, because I do understand what you're saying, Daisy. I'm a, I'm a Sagittarius. I have all the fire in me and it has taken me years and many experiences to lower my temper and speak to men with respect. And you know, don't raise your voice. And I think you have to work, that's a skill. That's a skill. Is that Brittany? Yes. So I gotta ask, are you in your 30s, 40s, 20s? I'm 33, I just turned 33 like two weeks ago. Why are you walking around with so much fire for men that you don't know? No, no, I don't, do you feel that I'm giving you fire? Well, you said, no, no, you said, if I heard you quickly, you said it is taking you years to get it under control. Oh, no, I mean, like, naturally, you know, like, I'm not so much. Well, all the women in my, I'll be honest, majority of women in my family are Sagittarius, but that's, I don't, but that's, but it's only, but it's only, but here's the funny thing. I found all these Sagittarius, they keep their mouth control when they white paycheck was on the line. Well, I- My mother's a Sagittarius, all of the women that raised me, they were all born between, all the birthdays between November 22nd and December 12th. And all that Sagittarian aggression got checked when it was time to go to work. So listen, let me tell you, so I, like at 33, it didn't take me this long, but it took me a while to, like, lower my, get rid of the ego. You can't fight every battle. You can't do this. You can't do that. It is a skill for me while other people, you know, it comes naturally. It's something that I really had to work on. So, you know, Daisy, I do kind of understand what you're saying. What I'm not understanding is though, that Sagittarius women have existed for forever, but I'm still not, okay. You're allowed, you can say that you've had to get it under control, but you're also allowed to go off. Everyone is, yes. No, you're really not. Men are not. And see, the women in my family- Without crazy consequences. Well, but see the thing is, yeah, but yeah, but see, I mean, I don't know what your marital status is, but as a black man out here, the rank and file system, for the most part feels as though they can talk to us any kind of way. Not all of them. Excuse me, ma'am. I don't wanna do all this, not all, not all, not all. There's an ethnic stereotype that's rooted in lived realities. Look, if you're a company and you wanna put somebody at, why, if you're a company and you wanna put somebody in charge of complaints, who tends to be in that department? I'm sorry. Can you please repeat that one more time? No, I'm telling my friends. No, I'm telling my friends who love you. I'll just say it this way. Black women have earned reputation of being tough. Collections department, customer service. You wanna end up getting things handled in a certain way. People weaponize that fire you have. And that's fine, but you're weaponizing it for some company's gain. How is it benefiting us as men for you to weaponize that against us? Especially if I don't know you. You should be walking around with a fire for me. Right. Can I, Kevin, can I ask you a question? Let me ask you this though. Is there a way, because I think there's so much aggression and tension between Black men and women at this point, is there a way to have conversation with de-escalation as opposed to escalation? Exactly. Not that you have to do, not that... Yeah, the answer is yes. You're okay. And here's how it happens in my feed. You have to come to the table in good faith. If you're not coming in good faith, then it's gonna, then it's just, you can set your watch. It's gonna go off the rails. And in the profession that, in the professions that I'm in, sometimes you deal with people with egos and attitudes and tempers. And men or women, and I feel like the best approach is just me personally. And this is the best approach is always to have a means to an end, the goal, right? The goal is to get the record done, the deal done, the relationship intact. So therefore, even if the person on the other end is rude or angry or hostile, there's not much someone can do when fire is met with lack of oxygen. You suck the oxygen out of the situation that doesn't give a person the opportunity to burn hotter. Well, that can work in a profession. It doesn't work in personal lives. You don't, well, I disagree. Not as effective, well, I'm okay. In general, it is not, okay. Yes, in a profession because you're submitting yourself to a greater goal. Most people, okay, in interpersonal relationships, if you're not submitted to a, okay. Our relationships today, who's submitting to who? You can't even say the word submit to a system. Not you're not gonna, you're supposed to. So what do you submit it to? We got a 51, what's the divorce rate in the black community? It's higher than the national average, but eight out of 10 divorces filed by women. Even if you say half of the divorce are filed for the worst parts of the Bible, adultery, this, that, fully have for women are walking away from men that do not deserve to have the Tyler husband or have a wife that still gives us four out of 10. Being filed. We have to look at what's going on with women today. We have always asked what's going on with the men until we start to have an unflinching look at where women are today. And relation to what, and also, and women ask what men want. Cause men want one simple thing across the board. They simply want cooperation. And if the rank and file man feels like he can't get cooperation, that's what's gonna lead to 82% of men saying that they don't believe men, women are out here to be marriageable. And we can sit back and call the men and question the men and that's typical stuff and telling men to give the men new tools to use and de-escalate, but what we never do is we never go over to the women and say, hey, how about you just don't come in here with all that? How about you get some therapy and talk through and figure out what's going on with you and the reason why you feel like you need to move through the world that way. Can we mind if I say something real quick? Go ahead, I'm gonna start bringing out some more people. No problem, no problem. One of the, this is an amazing book. I talked about it on the show called His Needs, Her Needs. And there's a bestselling book over 2 million copies. And one of the things that the author talked about was that he was having a dating service and he realized that the dating service was ineffective because he met a bunch of people, men and women alike, who were always demanding things from the other gender, but they themselves offered nothing in response. So what he then suggested was that instead of creating a dating service, why don't he equip men and women with the skills to meet the needs of the other gender? And he saw instantaneous results. And like, you know, obviously they don't see that all the work you've done for men, you know what I've been doing for men for all these years. But one of the biggest things that I have not seen is the curiosity from a lot of women to learn what exactly do men need? What exactly do men tolerate? What exactly is the tonality that men are going to step? I sent you that picture earlier about the decline of marriage in the black community. I think we need to have an honest conversation and I really wanna encourage all the women to get very curious. Because like you said, the view, the real, is there's a lot of female dominated spaces, but there's not enough women who are really spending the time to figure out what do men need. They wanna tell us what we should take, but they don't wanna tell it, we wanna learn what we want. Well, I was saying, I was gonna- Let me just say something that you can go ahead. And I understand why there's no curiosity when you're being told that everything's fine with you. It's those guys. And that's the thing. We got people facilitating women just being all right. And that doesn't help either side with an outcome. So yeah, there does need to be curiosity and it'll shut down on the finger pointing because it'll help us come to the table and more good faith. Go ahead. Well, I don't wanna interject. I kinda wanna piggyback, but thank you for inviting me up to speak. I've been raised in a pretty much a full family household. I had my mother and my father, they were married for like 30 years. And we had a really big family dynamic on both sides where I was raised around a lot of men. And just through me growing up and being around women and also being around those men, I find that I was taught at a young age to know my place in a room. And when I was younger, if it wasn't a grown folks conversation, I didn't speak. If I was around the women, I knew my place as a child. When I was around men, I knew my place as a young girl and also as a child. And that kinda helps me as when I grow up as a woman, I also know my place as a woman in this role to be able to carry myself properly when it comes to communication with men. And I think that when we talk about the family dynamic where there's a lot of women who didn't grow up with their father in a household, they never had that ability to be able to move properly or know when to speak or know when to be quiet or know when to interject or to say something properly without over speaking or speaking out of turn or the way women talk, we talk differently than the way men talk. So sometimes when I see my friends when they're in the room with men, they wanna talk about things that women like to talk about. And when we're around men, it's a different type of energy from my friends than it is from me because I know how to move properly around men or how to speak properly around men that's respectful. And also where I stand in my place. And I don't think that's a disrespectful thing for me to be able to say that. Like as a woman, I know my place in the room. And I can- I would say that that probably sends some chills up some women's spine, standing your place. And we're gonna have to talk about all these things. See, one thing that gets missed is I don't do this show as a lot being said, he's this, he's that, he's bashing it, you don't know me. You're listening to what people have to say. I don't do what I do because I don't wanna see a better outcome. I could make money a lot of different ways and not have to deal with the stress of trying to do a show every night to try to talk to women about things that I know most don't wanna hear. But I will tell you, when I got women who were saying, thank you, when I first heard you, I didn't like it. But now my husband, my children and my future generations owe our lives to you or something along those lines. And there are brothers out there like Hafez and other people who are trying to help. But you're gonna have to hear what men are coming from. I don't expect women to like all the stuff they hear, accepted at face value. I expect challenge, I expect questioning, but at the end of the day, just good faith. Are we trying to come out to a better outcome? Danielle, Lola, did you guys have anything you wanted to say? I absolutely have something to say. And I want to address your point about, women, I guess, taking accountability or whatever. I just came from a beautiful room that I hosted with some very, very beautiful women where we literally sat down for three hours. And this room was called, Why When Have Women Become So Hard? So there are a ton of us out there who are having these conversations, who are talking about our traumas and delving in deep as to why am I this way? How can I rest in my feminine energy? So in my opinion, there are far more women right now who are doing the inner work, but we need our counterparts to join us in that work. And I'm not gonna get up here and bash the gentlemen because they're absolutely some wonderful guys. We had some fellas who came up in there. However, I have to say, I'm seeing women, especially black women, who are trying to look at how and why they've become hardened. We are doing that work. And so I just want that to still be acknowledged. And I appreciate you bringing me up here and I'm ready to listen to everything you guys have to say. But if we could definitely acknowledge that, then yeah. Let me also say something because many people are familiar with the content I made previously for men. I openly tell guys, look, I don't wanna hear about your problems. The world does not owe you understanding. Beauty costs, you want a beautiful woman, a fit woman, you want her to be out of these things then you better pay the cost to be the boss. I don't do this 50-50 shit. I tell a man that you need to be working 60 hours a week minimum that you're getting paid for, if not get off internet, get off Instagram, get out of these spaces, go get a job. I don't care if you got to clean toilets, I have. Go get a job at a convenience store, do it. Check your pride. You shouldn't be having pride in empty pockets because I think there's a big problem because so many of our women, I was raised by a single mother, my father wasn't around too, I get it. And many men were not raised to be the masculine, strong men that you're starting to hear so many men stepping to. We're all broken, the black community. We all, so I say we all need therapy. And I like to hear when I hear women say that they're trying to get that shit together, men are trying to get that shit stuffed together because then we can approach each other with some grace, some empathy and understand that we're better together than apart, but I am very tough on guys because at the end of the day, it is our responsibility to build and your nest. There is a reason so many women cannot feel comfortable resting in their femininity because so many men have dropped the ball. I have, I'm not perfect and I never try to make myself seem like I'm perfect. You've been divorced twice, that's right, but that doesn't mean your marriage can't work once. And that's what I'm ultimately getting to. We have to get past the messenger and who said what and trying to get to the greater outcome. How do we start making more healthy black couples? Cause this is some bullshit. 50 year marriages, filings in 2019 were the 50 year high. Divorces were the 50 year low. Black community has a $1.1 trillion spending power and we, people get rich off of us because we are not together. And we have people on all sides of their arguments. That's why what I've done with this new found spotlight is reach out and say, where are the counselors, the therapists, the relationship coaches, the affinity instructors, the matchmakers, all the resources. All right, let's start putting together an infrastructure for a black network of people so we can actually start getting our resource, ourself together so we can find one another. So when a woman meets a man, she can actually come in with her guard down a little bit cause she can at least say, well, I know that there are men out here trying to do something other than just hitting quick. I don't make it, I'm an image consultant and I have taken up a lot of heat from black men. We're telling them, take that damn t-shirt off at 40 years old, pull up your damn pants just like a damn man. And can't we see that? But, and that thing is they can't see it because our ethnic image is shit and that's our responsibility. Black women have black media. Black men have to make black media for black men by black men to repair our own image. It's not their responsibility to give us essence, ebony, matter of the war or any of these other platforms. Black women check for their sales. They will make a platform to benefit themselves as black men who got to come out of their pocket and support black male content for black men by black men promoting something better. We were given gangster rap and hip hop. I was in college in one minute, we had ex-clan next minute, we had bitches ain't shit. I saw this stuff. I've been talking about this since 1989. So like I said, at the end of the day, I know where I stand in this thing. It ain't about me. I ain't trying to make it about me. We don't have black family. We don't need reparations in this and that. Without black family, you can't have black nothing. And I'll say this and I'll say it again. Anybody who knows me will tell you that I think it's a travesty that so many generation acts black men and black women in particular. We were lied to. I know some thorough professional beautiful women who there's no way in God's green earth, there's no one hell these women should be unmarried. No children. Now also no men, there's no way in hell they should be unmarried. But we are. We're unmarried, uncoupled. We don't know how to do it. We got to figure it out. And I want to address Daniel real quick. One of the biggest things is that, I think sometimes when we talk about there's not enough men in the space creating healthy platforms, you got to go out and look for it. Now, obviously we have the platform with the roommates. Kevin, like I said, he's been doing this for quite a long time. People are just now watching more of the female oriented content, but there is a lot of male content creators who are creating healthier black men physically and mostly spiritually, financially. We have tons of community. My community has over 1600 men who are looking to improve in their lives and growing and maturing. So I think when it comes to the conversation, we're not looking. And we have to emphasize that they are great quality men. They are places and spaces which are encouraging men, which are equipping men, which are giving the men the skills to be successful, to be great fathers, to be great husbands, to be great leaders in society. And so I really want to challenge everybody who's saying where are these spaces for men? Cause when I was on tour with Derek Jackson to find those both here in ACE metaphor, women would say that all the time, where are the spaces for men? I'm like, they're here. You've got to open your eyes and see it. This is what I say for the men. We got to do a better job at promoting it. We do it. We got to talk about it. We have to promote it. And this is one of the biggest failings. From 1915 DW Griffith's birth of a nation, the black male image has been under assault. Now we actually have access to these social platforms to use to our advantage. And we need to present the image of ourselves that we are proud of and that our women can be proud of. And we got to fund it out of our own pockets. I think what Kevin said was accurate because there has to be more promotion. When I was speaking, I said that I acknowledged there are a lot of wonderful gentlemen who are doing the work and I'm friends with many of those gentlemen and I've collabed with them in lives on Instagram. So I know that it's out there, but oftentimes what is promoted are things like clubs labeled, is this turning into porn hub? Is this stuff about sex work and everything else? So we're not seeing that promoted as much and maybe that's a part of it because us women, we are open with talking about doing our work in my opinion, but I absolutely applaud all of the men who are out there doing that work. It is appreciated. Hey. Go ahead. Go ahead. Hey, how are you? This is Laura. I'm sorry, what's your name? Hi, Lola, how are you? Go ahead. I am well. I'm sorry, I'm new to the platform, so I'm still trying to figure it out, but go ahead. That's fine. So when you first, when your video went viral, I did go listen to it and I actually went and I looked on your YouTube page and I looked at a lot of your posts and videos. Some of them were very long, so I'm not gonna sit here and say I listened to all of it. But what I did gather from it, where I mainly listened to the lines that were African-Americans. And what I did gather was even listening to you was like it's a destruction of our family in itself. So the family has been destroyed and so with the family being destroyed, and I'm noticing that, but when you were speaking, it was very surface and they were calling about surface things as well. And I understand, I agree with you, you were just brutally honest and a lot of people can't take that brutality because they're not ready to accept the accountability of what it is that you were stating. So it is about delivery like Brittany was saying, because you have to remember if someone is fragile, because I'm a mental health professional. So I'm a little bit more therapeutic with my words because it's not what you say, it's how you say it. So if someone comes to you and they ask questions, but again, that's not your realm, so I understand. But like I said, for me, it's the destruction of our family in its whole. So our men, a lot of them have changed roles because the women of this society, a lot of us are women in general are making more money than they're made. And so men become intimidated. And if you are in a certain bracket like that woman, she said she made six figures. So if she's looking for someone and I'm gonna speak for myself too, in a relationship and like you said, women do, we do the same thing and you're right. It is a double-edged score and it is, we wouldn't get what you got. You got attacked. We wouldn't have got an attack. They would have agreed with us. Like, oh no, she's making this. You're about to pay for it. Attack it. Attack is our understanding. It's an understatement, it's an understatement. Well, I'm saying you went viral and a lot of it was negative, but I'm also one who's honest and saying what he said, he was just brutally honest. But it's true. If you're asking for something, like I tell everyone, are we able to provide what we want to receive? And that's a question that you have to ask yourself. So if you go out and you say, you want this man, he's six feet, making six figures, he drives this or drives that. Can you provide that as well? Well, let me say this, let me say this because it's kind of getting long. One, I am not a clinician. I never hold myself out as a clinician. That's why I often say you need therapy. And many people are saying, well, you should have did this. Look, you don't go to your cardiologist to get you, you don't go to your dentist to get for heart surgery. I stayed in the lane I'm in, but we're so quick to tell black men, you need to do better. I'm very good at what I do. And I gave her exactly what she asked for. It wasn't a brutal truth. It was very tactful. If you watch the entire video, men are seeing this very differently. Well, I say most men are seeing it very differently. I did my level best to not have to. Please, ma'am, don't make me say it because I have a professional opinion and a personal opinion, but as an image consultant and social skills coach, that is what I'm supposed to talk about. And she understood that. That's number one. Number two, you know, if you want a man at that level, that's fine, but you need to know what those men tend to want. Did anybody remember what I asked her? What would you happen to bring to the table for the kind of man you want, what he wants? Did anybody have to remember her answers? Did she say she was like a farmer or something? She said if I could help, she said, well, if he has a business, I can help him with his business. And I said, you know, that's great, only 20 to 30% of the population really owns a business. So that may or may not matter. Then she said, I plant my own garden. Right. And I'm into self-improvement and etiquette. Now I need you guys to understand what it takes to make a man like Isaac or A.C. Hatchett or a man like myself. We don't come out making what we're making and, oh, and I've heard six figures, I ain't that much. Are we kidding? I mean, come on. Whether it's, and it's adjusted for income, but at the end of the day, a man has, men are being told, you gotta go improve. You gotta go do this, this, this, this, this, in order to be on the level, to be acceptable and suitable, to be a father or husband or whatever, you gotta go get better. And for men to hear that that was the extent of the curiosity that a middle-aged mother of a 13-year-old son had about a man. That's just heartening to men. But we'll get focused on what I said versus what she was saying to her son and men. I think she brought her way. I think she brought up her, the physical first, which I thought was where everything went downhill. Why? Can you see, she said, can you see me? But it doesn't, but that's the show. I'm an image consultant. That's the whole thing. And it's a question that I asked. And I did not, she said, can I see her? And I could. And I keep my personal opinion to myself. I said, that's why I asked her, what would you rank yourself? There were people who had a problem with me asking her those questions. It was like, you're not supposed to ask women anything. You're supposed to accept, this is what we want and give it to us. Ladies, that's not gonna work. Well, would you say, Kevin, because this is what you do during image consulting? So I understand you're saying because she wants this man who makes this type of amount. But would you say, because you saying because she wanted this, she's 35 and she has this child and a questionable baby's father because of that, that's gonna limit her to get in the man that she wants? What about character? Well, two answers. One, character is a different discussion for what I have. Just like his fate. I've mentioned character, but it's not what I'm concerned with primarily. I am not a one-stop shop. And that's what we gotta stop doing, trying to make it about everything. And the men, there have been at least three panels of black men on YouTube, attorneys, bankers, physicians. I'm actually gonna put them up on my channel next week of men discussing and men in their very category. And you know what the men in the very category, even on other platforms that aren't necessarily friendly to mind. Men are saying the same thing. Where I met, I was one of the women primarily with my first, I wanted to have no children. And I prefer to be younger. This is what the men are saying. That's what they're saying. So is it going to, is it 100% no? But I said what I meant. She said, I said, why don't you just go get an average guy? Because man, you're not running Microsoft. You have a business, okay. Why don't you just go get an average guy in North Carolina, which there are plenty more. And average is not an insult. And what was her answer? Her answer was, I can't get an average guy because in order for me to fully submit, you've got to make more than me. So what are we telling to 90% of black men who don't make more than her? And you automatically can't get submission from her. And I said, well, ma'am, if that's the case, women like you die alone. If you're gonna keep that standard where it is, and you and the reality of your life. I said, these men are not knocking down your door. She said, that's right. My dating life is not that good. I'm like, you don't know where these men are. You don't know how to find them. You don't know what they want. I tell you what the men who are in that category have told me over years what they want. They don't want, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. I'm telling women what these men are saying because they're my clients. They're my colleagues. And if you ask them, they will tell you, no, that's not what we want. And she said, well, yeah, but what can I do to get them? It didn't matter that I told her that these guys don't tend to want these things. All she wanted me to tell her was, here's how you can get them. That's why I said, why don't you do anything? Kevin, is there not an option for a woman like that to find someone who is a high earner, or perhaps she can date someone who also has a child? What do you think the option is? No, I was posing the question to you. Do you think that that's not an option for a woman like herself who said, hey, I'm a successful business owner to now need someone who's also a high earner? What does that mean to me? We don't care. I don't care about that. But can I finish? Can I finish? Somebody who is, maybe that is important to them, they also have a child. So they don't view that as a negative. Basically, what I'm getting at is there is a lid for every pot. Is that not an option? Danielle, OK, if I told her it was an option, you know what that's going to do? Continue to feed that hope and delusion that they are available when they are not numerically. What percentage of men would fit their category? First off, we're roughly how many in this country? 40 million of us, 22 million black men, 22 million black men. Well, not even 8% of black men, 8% or 6%. 6% of black men earn over six figures. So what's 6% of 22 million adjusted for age of 18 to 65? Because men enter their financial stride after age 52. So what percentage of black men? See, the numbers are, we can feel what we want, but the numbers are stubborn things. Take 6% or 8% of roughly 40 to 60-year-old black men who are single, heterosexual, and earn the kind of money and tell me how many men those are. It ain't millions. But what you guys want me to say is, yes, sis, there's a chance. Well, you know what? And that will also, if I'm a financial planner or a financial advisor, there will be just as impractical as saying, yeah, why don't you go ahead and play Powerball as a retirement strategy? Hit the lotto. It could work. No. And there's a really interesting article I would challenge everybody to read. Brookings Institute has an article called, Is There a Shortage of Marriageable Men? And in the article, it breaks down a lot of statistics that Kevin's always quoting on his show. And one of the things it talks about is when they ask women, what is the number one trait that you guys want in a marriageable man? The number one thing women said they wanted was a guy who has a job. When they asked men, what's the number one trait you want in a marriageable woman? The number one thing that men said is to not have a child. So one of the biggest things I'm constantly hearing is whenever a woman has standards, she creates her rules. I want height, I want money, I want this. Then she wants a guy. The rule is always that guy that she wants is not going to have any standards. Well, that guy just only wants, well, what if he just wants it for a character? But why won't she just want a guy for his character? Why does she need that money? Why does she need that height? We don't question her. We always assume that the guy is an individual who's going to have no standards. And the woman can ask for whatever she wants and there's no standards. So I keep on saying, I would advise men and women to get curious about one another. See what each other wants. And the biggest thing, like I keep on saying, is look up the information, do your research yourself. Brogan's Institute article, Google search it, is a shortage of marriageable men and it really breaks down that in the black community, when you look at women who have jobs and no kids and men who have jobs and men who have no kids, there are more men than women. When you use those two variables, you can look it up, it's online, it's public data, all this available public data. So I keep on, you guys got to get curious about the data. You guys got to research the stuff yourself and you got to learn from men exactly what they want. It's available online. I would challenge anybody to look it up right now and share their numbers themselves. Okay, the median earning of black men in this country, 41,054 dollars, that's the median earning for black men. All other men, well, this is white men, 52,400. Okay, 13% of black men make $75,000 or more. That's just $75,000. When you take it over 100, it drops down to 8%, 8%. So it's numerically daunting just by the numbers. Then when you started adjusting for age, geography, sexual orientation, marital status. And what I'm fairly saying is what I said, the problem is women have been told you can have it all and you cannot. Life is about choices and trade-offs. That's what I'm ultimately trying to get a conversation. Women starting to understand that men that you want things, they have preferences, they have standards. And this, what this whole video has shown me that this is really new news to so many black women that it is mind-blowing and mind-boggling so much so that they wanted to attack the messenger because the message just sounded like an outright lie. But what you started to see is it's the truth. To be honest with you, Kevin, I feel like we get more of the message that we need to be open to take what we can get if I can be completely honest with you. I feel like that's pushed on a lot more. What does that mean? Take what you can get. What does that mean? Exactly that. I feel like people are consistently telling black women, hey, you need to taper your expectations because this is what's out there. This is what guys are making. Well, Daniel, if the expectation is unrealistic, should it not be taper? Well, I mean, I'm not sure who I am to say that it's unrealistic because speaking in terms of dating black men, maybe, but there are black women who are open to dating outside of their race. Yeah, one in four black women were married in their lifetime. Okay, one in four black women were married regardless of the race. Moving outside of the race does not change black women's opportunities drastically. But can we really say that when so few black women do it? Okay. Okay, Daniel, then if that's the case, black women should be happy. Should be happy than any other time because you're earning more, making more, or educated according to some polls. And if more men are wanting to marry, you should be on top of the world, not one in four taking some sort of anti-psychotic depression, medication or whatever. See, what you're basically, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. What you're basically saying is the same trope that black women are being told to take what you get, i.e. settle. And see, what's wrong with getting somebody that's suitable? And this is what you're telling black men that most of you aren't suitable to us. What makes them unsuitable? I didn't say that. Okay, well then, we told the settle. What are you settling for? I didn't say that. I'm saying for every woman, she has her bar, she gets to decide where that bar is. And for every single woman settling for me something different. Okay, so let me ask you this question. Let me ask you this question. Yes, you're right. But this is a market-based economy. You own a car. You can decide whatever price you want to pay on the car. But who gets to decide, who gets to decide how much it's worth? The person who's selling it. Wrong, the market decides. The market always decides. Oh, ma'am, yes. You can't sell to a camera for $400,000. You can't sell to a camera. Excuse me, hold on, hold on, hold on. That's why there's a Kelly Blue Book. But there's always- Go listen, Danielle. I think they're selling price. Danielle, Danielle, Danielle. We're educated people. We're intelligent. The market decides. This is not a Kevin Samuels concept. It's product theory. The market decides. Well, that's the all's taken. I respect you guys opinion. In my mind, we all get to set our price. And if someone wants to pay that, then they have the option to do that. Right, but they are part of the market. That's the thing, ma'am. Okay, okay. You can set your price. But you look like a woman you shot before. Go into Neiman Marcus. Go to Neiman Marcus and try to set your price for what you want to pay. See how that works. Hello. Hi, I'm Karla. I just wanted to- I have a real quick question for you. Based on what you've been saying, which I do agree with you, how have you navigated this through personal relationships? Has people been resistance to what you say? Why? I'm not talking about Clubhouse. I'm not talking about just the internet. I'm talking about your own life. Cause I know you're only as good as the person. You're only as rational as the person you're with or who you're dealing with. So based on what you've been saying, how has that been interpreting across your- I don't understand. Okay, just make the question a little bit more simple. What are you trying to get asked for? I'm asking you basically, based on what you've been saying, how has this, how have you been able to navigate your own personal relationships with this? It's fine. So- Just fine. Okay. Cause my whole point is like, what I'm saying is, I feel as though sometimes when you get, when you deal with certain people, whoever you're dealing with, you're only as rational as the people who you're dealing with. So if somebody doesn't understand that concept, then you might have a miscommunication and there might be no comprehension. Or not deal with them. That's true. Exactly. I mean, if somebody has a clinician, I mean, but again, again, there's a professional and a personal standpoint. If someone is a clinician to ask them, hey, what's going on in your personal life? How does that impact what you tell a client or a patient? I don't understand. What do you mean by that? I do. I think that's the disconnect when it comes to men and women. I think that a lot of us women, we aren't very logical when it comes to relationships. It's kind of like how you brought in the Kelly Blue Book and the marketplace. It's all about numbers. And when it comes to women, we've been fed all these fairy tales and that, oh, we deserve love. And wow, yes, we do deserve love, but everything is still a numbers game. And you can have any man that you want if you play the numbers. If you do all the things that requires you to do in order for you to get all the things that you want, then you can have everything that you want. But if you decide to procrastinate or decide that one thing is too much for you to take on as far as whether it's the fitness or whether that's the, you know, the aspect of your physical features, all these things are changeable. And that's something that I had to learn for myself growing up, you know? We grow up watching the books and them telling us all these things about what love is and what that looks like. And, you know, oh, we, you know, we have to have a good heart, but they don't actually teach us the marketplace portion of the relationship. Let me say this, let me say this. Danielle, there's a statistic saying one out of four black women were married in their lifetime. Have you heard that? Yes, I've seen the numbers. All right, that means three out of four will die alone. And that's what struck people so much, not that your average or your average at best, it's the dying alone. But if one out of four were married in their lifetime, that means three out of four will die alone. So while you can set your price, just like switch it to a car, you can set the price. The car has been kept in the garage and I know every mile that's on it, I change the oil myself. People can get, can feel what they want to, but when you set it on the corner, it's got a Kelly Blue Book value. That's why pawn shops exist, because folks get real, this is worth so much to take it to a pawn shop. And here's what we're actually telling people. Women are feeling like when I'm telling you to get reasonable, rational, that somebody's telling you to settle for less. Well, I gotta ask you, that settle for less has a face on it and it's a man. You're telling men that they are less. Could I say something? Go ahead. So as a woman who's approaching it from a reasonable standpoint and just attempting to be reasonable or wanting to be understanding and I know that man has a face on it, as you said, but what about the situations where men are threatened and feel uncomfortable with a woman that makes more than them? So what is your, do you have advice for those women or those situations? And I'm more so asking a question. I'm not telling. Is that you? Yes, I've had that experience and I'm in the no man's land is what you call it. So here's what I say. How do you make yourself available to men? Data, different caliber of men and how do you do that? Therapist, person of training, matchmaker, image consultant. Ladies, you get to choose who you make yourself available to, but men get to decide whether or not they offer a relationship. You choose to sex happens, we choose a relationship. My question is if you're saying that if you're, let's say older, I'm 39, I know the no man's land and you're having to be more reasonable. And it's not gonna necessarily be a six figure man. Let's say I'm not gonna necessarily get a six figure man, but then there are men that I'm trying to, like I said, be reasonable and they're threatened or don't or their ego is threatened. And I could not be doing anything or flashing anything, but just. Well, okay, okay, okay. So again, all right. So basically what I'm hearing you say is that the men are intimidated by the amount of money you make. That's a hundred percent. Is that what you're ultimately saying? I'm saying that there are some men out. I'm not saying every man is like that because I'm not like a disagree. But what about the men that aren't? I'm sure there are men that aren't. I just. Okay, then where are they? That's what I'm trying to understand, like how I live in Michigan. What part? I live 45 minutes outside of Detroit. That's a problem. Move to a major metropolitan area where men make more. See, I've been telling women this too. See, another thing, let me go ahead and a lot of you ladies think you're gonna just get something for nothing. You're gonna have to sacrifice. You're gonna have to move. You're gonna have to, you may have to move, change religions. You may have to, if you got kids and the man is serious about not having kids, you may have to ship the custody go to the dad. Can he manage the money? Can he discipline the kids? Like there is on, see? All these things come into play. It's not as though there's a shortage of men, but what are you willing to sacrifice to get what it is you want? But unfortunately, we've been fed the Disney fantasy that the Prince Charming is around the corner and Whole Foods or Barnes and Noble or at your church and they're not there. Kevin, I'm gonna address the times. If men are intimidated in your area, then go to a matchmaker, but you have to find a different caliber of men if they're not readily available to you, but they do exist. I wanted to address the comment you made, Kevin, about telling, oh, we're telling men that they are less. I don't think that that's necessarily what we're telling men by not choosing them because they don't meet whatever standard we women have. I think what we're saying is, hey, look, I'm willing to stay in the dating market or I am willing to be alone because I am fulfilled on my own with or without a partner. You can want a partner, of course, but I don't think it's necessarily telling them that they are less. The men aren't the ones complaining, but here's the thing Daniel, men aren't the ones complaining about dying alone. We're not. We're not complaining about the lack of women. We're not. Women are constantly talking about what's wrong with men. And see, here's another thing that I find that gets interesting. Women are always talking about the dating market. All you need is one. You can only have one. Find your one and get out the dating scene. All you need is one. Go find it. I got you. We may be talking about it more, but I absolutely feel like there are men who are scared of ending up alone. I feel like it, man, but it doesn't matter. Well, listen, man, this is what I mean. This is what I mean. This is what I mean. This is what I mean. See, you're not listening. Okay, see, women run their logic for their emotions. Why don't you, men aren't, okay. If every black man married, and maybe a marriageable black man got married, there'll still be two million black women. I got news for you. The leverage in time is not on your side. If you want a man, there's a time component and opportunity. Sam's are the hours last of moving. Now, saying that I'm not going to settle, I'm going to keep my standard high. That's why I say, buy a dog. That's an option too. But when you got that dog and you're 65 years old, that's the life you chose. Be happy with it. But I'm not seeing that women are happy with their lives. Okay, Kevin, I have a question. You know, when you keep using the word average, if you really look in dissect the word average, aren't we all average? Most people are, yes. Most people are average. Most people are average. Most people are right in the middle. 50% of the population is average. That's what I said. Average is not an insult to men. This seems to be really much of an insult to women. Average. Yeah. I got a run and that's what I'm gonna have to rap this or not. But go ahead. This, okay. Well, I don't want to, like, I'm not disagreeing with anything that you are saying up there. I actually agree with what you said to the young lady. Maybe then the words that you use, I probably would have not used them, but, you know, to each its own. I just want the room to know, because there's so many people in here. We have to remember, there was a comment stated that women are not curious enough about learning about Black men feelings and, you know, what they want and what they need. And I just want the men to know that there are women out there that are doing those things. I just held a room on Clubhouse, you know, showing love towards Black men, acknowledging Black men, asking about those feelings. And I think from both perspectives, we both have to just be vulnerable enough to make sure that we're having that dialogue in those conversations so that we can learn, you know, what those needs are and what those preferences are and, you know, what turns you off, what turns you on. So I just wanted to say that because I don't want everybody in the room to get the wrong impression that there's no women out there that are doing those things. Because that's not true. It's not the men. What I tend to hear from men more than anything else is I call it the aha moment. Men in general want to hear, know that women have had the aha moment where they've become accountable for themselves and where they are honest with where they are, the numbers, everything else. And then the admission part, you know, and so many, so it's one thing to say these things, but men want to see it from women. And what men are seeing from women is when you've got 82% of men saying that the current dating marketplace lacks marriageable women, that's a problem. If I were a woman, I would say that's a problem if 82% of men think this. Regardless of how scientific it is or not, okay? And you can't go to the 82% and say, who hurt you? Your mama black? You gay? Something, you're gonna have to ask the market what they want. Listen, ladies, the end consumer of a product that is a woman is a man. And if we're intelligent business people, you don't go to the consumer and tell them this is what you want. You try to understand what the consumer wants and give them a better product to incent them to buy. Black men are saying they want a different or a better quote unquote, quote unquote better, quote unquote product. They're not saying they don't wanna get married. It's not what they're saying. They saying they want a marriageable woman. So I'll leave it there. Here's the thing. The goal is to try to help folks come down to the table because at the end of the day, it comes down to a one-to-one negotiation. All these stats, figures and statistics where my mother found her husband, the woman who raised me and the woman right now who got married to 50 are completely different people. She married the least likely man I would ever imagine in my life and she's been the happiest I've ever seen her in her entire life for the last 20 years. If my mother can get it, she can get it too. But then her sisters, one died alone, the other one's on the way to dying alone. I've seen this dynamic. I've seen it too much. And I don't want, personally, I would prefer to see people get together. And I've said it personally, over 27 years old, love comes later. Give respect. I know a lot of people don't share my views and that's fine, you don't have to. But at the end of the day, it comes down to a one-to-one relationship with a man and a man and woman make an agreement, a negotiation. Because when it's all said and done, it ain't about hot butt naked, freaky, circus sex on a coffee table. It's about, I'ma put your teeth in, you're gonna give me my insulin shot. You're gonna go down to the pharmacy to pick up my heart medicine when I put this soup on. I mean, come on, people. We're the only group that is this fractured and this separated and the contention between men and women, we've gotta stop the war and start negotiating the peace. At least that's how I see it. Well, that's why I'm at it. So how the men talk, I think it may be shocking to a lot of women and here's the problem, men, you gotta start speaking. Because what I'm hearing is women aren't used to hearing men speak the way we speak. The way I spoke is the way men talk. And we used to be able to talk that way, but men are being, and there's not, it's not a, men are feeling like they can't say what they say because they'll get canceled, they'll get shunned. Well, man, you're gonna have to risk it. You're gonna have to risk it unless you wanna walk through life, tiptoeing through things that you know don't make you happy. You know, none of us are gonna get out of this unscathed. Isn't that a narcissistic, like a narcissistic, like type of personality? Hold on, hold on, all right. See, a narcissistic type, what does narcissistic mean? As a mental health provider, I will speak on that because everybody's- No, no, I won't hurt it, tell me. What does that mean? Yeah, that's some, that's someone- What is a narcissistic? I mean, in a nutshell, that's someone that's like, you know, they see things their way, it's, they are above, they are the right, they're right in how they execute things and how they say things just to summarize it up. But- No. I mean, I'm just, I'm asking you a question. I'm not trying to be confrontational here because it seems like- But, okay, no, no, I'm just asking, words mean things. Okay. When you say narcissistic, it means something. The mental health professional, would you like to go ahead and chime in, then? Personally, I would do so. Yes, it is, it, go ahead. It is an access to disorder. And I know in the term, the main thing about a narcissist that people forget to add, to be a narcissist, you lack empathy. That's the main thing. Lack of empathy, the dark. See, and we throw these words out. I hear black women throwing out terms, narcissists, bash, massage and war. I'm like, so when a woman has a standard, she's not settling. When a man has a standard, he's a colorist. You guys play slick and loose with men, but you don't hold yourself to the same standards. How often do you call black women narcissists because they don't want to settle? And this is part of the issue. Who has an over-narcissist? One or several personality disorders in the mental condition where some people have an inflated sense of their own importance. A deep need for excessive attention, admiration, trouble relationship and lack of empathy for others. Men knowing men, men wanting what they want does not make them narcissists. It makes them normal. Now, black men stop feeling shame for what you want. Shame, insults, guilt and the need to be right. I call it sign language. Stop letting people make you feel guilty for being a man. Stop letting them shame you for wanting what you want. Stop letting them insult you because you say you want what anyone else should deserve for your level. And you don't have to engage it. If that's what they think of you, detach with love and keep it moving. There's something better on the other side. And I think we should also give that message to black women as well. Black women have had that message given to them. I don't think black women have, my personal opinion, black women have been told you're fine for the longest. You're queens, you're the mothers of the earth, all these things. And here's the thing. Why, when I say to give something to men, is it always seems to be the knee-jerk response to go in and say, uh-uh, give women something too. Just like when I ask you, have you had a contract with the black America? Well, what about for black women? Can black men ever have something on our own? I think black women can also say that when we talk about things that sexual assault, and it's a what about me too. And I'm gonna tell you right now, this is in what, and go ask the men what I just said, because men are really getting tired of having to, yeah, but not all, but men do it too. Well, you want this, well, me too. The reason my brother's keeper failed because black women demanded, you wanna do something for black boys? Yeah, I do something for black girls too. Black men are tired of that, ladies. We're not, we're your men, we're not your enemy. And if we had good faith, we wouldn't have to keep asking for these provisions. But see, that's the problem. I don't think we have good faith. So we keep asking for insurance, guarantees, hedging. How do you build a relationship with that? Just a thought. Thank you guys for joining in. We'll do this again. Till the next time, peace out.