 Chapter 14 of My Bondage and My Freedom by Frederick Douglass. This LiberVox recording is in the public domain. Experience in St. Michael's. The village, its inhabitants, their occupation, and low propensities. Captain Thomas Alde, his character, his second wife Rowena. Well matched, sufferings from hunger obliged to take food, mode of argument in vindication thereof, no moral code of free society can apply to slave society. Southern camp meeting, what Master Thomas did there, hoped suspicions about his conversion. The result, faith and works entirely at variance, his rise in progress in the church, poor cousin Henney, his treatment of her, the Methodist preachers, their utter disregard of us, one excellent exception, Reverend George Cookman, Sabbath school, howl broken up, and by whom a funeral pall cast over all my prospects, Covey the Negro Breaker. St. Michael's, the village in which was now my new home, compared favorably with villages in slave states generally. There were a few comfortable dwellings in it, but the place as a whole were a dull, slovenly enterprise for a sake and aspect. The mass of the buildings were of wood. They had never enjoyed the artificial adornment of paint, and time and storms had worn off the bright color of the wood, leaving them almost as black as buildings charred by a conflagration. St. Michael's had in former years, previous to 1833, for that was the year I went to reside there, enjoyed some reputation as a shipbuilding community, but that business had almost entirely given place to oyster fishing for the Baltimore and Philadelphia markets. A course of life highly unfavorable to morals, industry, and manners. Miles River was broad, and its oyster fishing grounds were extensive, and the fishermen were out, often all day, and a part of the night during autumn, winter, and spring. This exposure was an excuse for carrying with them inconsiderable quantities, spiritous liquors that then supposed best antidote for cold. Each canoe was supplied with its jug of rum, and tippling among this class of the citizens of St. Michael's became general. This drinking habit in an ignorant population fostered coarseness, vulgarity, and an indolent disregard for the social improvement of the place so that it was admitted by the few sober thinking people who remained there that St. Michael's had become a very unsainkly, as well as an unsightly place before I went there to reside. I left Baltimore or St. Michael's in the month of March 1833. I know the year because it was the one succeeding the first cholera in Baltimore, and was the year also of that strange phenomenon when the heavens seemed about to part with its starry train. I witnessed this gorgeous spectacle and was awestruck. The air seemed filled with bright descending messengers from the sky. It was about daybreak when I saw this sublime scene. I was not without the suggestion at the moment that it might be the harbinger of the coming of the Son of Man, and in my then state of mind I was prepared to hail him as my friend and deliverer. I had read that the stars shall fall from heaven and they were now falling. I was suffering much in my mind. It did seem that every time the young tendrils of my affection became attached, they were rudely broken by some unnatural outside power, and I was beginning to look away to heaven for the rest denied me on earth. But to my story, it was now more than seven years since I had lived with Master Thomas Ault in the family of my old master on Colonel Lloyd's plantation. We were almost entire strangers to each other, for when I knew him at the house of my old master, it was not as a master but simply as Captain Ault, who had married old master's daughter. All my lessons concerning his temper and disposition and the best methods of pleasing him were yet to be learnt. Slave holders, however, are not very ceremonious in approaching a slave, and my ignorance of the new material in the shape of a master was but transient. Nor was my new mistress long in making known her animus. She was not a Miss Lucretia, traces of whom I yet remembered, and the more especially as I saw them shining in the face of little Amanda, her daughter now living under a stepmother's government. I had not forgotten the soft hand guided by a tender heart that bound up with healing balsam, the gash, made in my head by Ike, the son of Abel. Thomas and Rowena I found to be a well-matched pair. He was stingy and she was cruel. And what was quite natural in such cases, she possessed the ability to make him as cruel as herself while she could easily descend to the level of his meanness. In the house of Master Thomas, I was made for the first time in seven years to feel the pinchings of hunger, and this was not very easy to bear. For in all the changes of Master Hughes' family, there was no change in the bountifulness with which they supplied me with food. Not to give a slave enough to eat is meanness intensified, and it is so recognized among slaveholders generally in Maryland. The rule is, no matter how coarse the food, only let there be enough of it. This is the theory, and in that part of Maryland, I came from the general practice accords with this theory. Lloyd's plantation was an exception, as was also the house of Master Thomas Alde. Alde know the lightness of Indian cornmeal as an article of food and can easily judge from the following facts, whether the statements I've made of the stinginess of Master Thomas are borne out. Four slaves of us in the kitchen and four whites in the great house, Thomas Alde, Mrs. Alde, Hadaway Alde, brother of Thomas Alde, and little Amanda. The names of the slaves in the kitchen were Eliza, my sister, Priscilla, my aunt, Henny, my cousin, and myself. There were eight persons in the family. There was, each week, one half-pushel of cornmeal brought from the mill. And in the kitchen, cornmeal was almost our exclusive food for very little else was allowed us. Out of this half-pushel of cornmeal, the family in the great house had a small loaf every morning, thus leaving us in the kitchen with not quite a half a pack of meal per week apiece. This allowance was less than half the allowance of food on Lloyd's plantation. It was not enough to subsist upon and we would therefore reduce to the wretched necessity of living at the expense of our neighbors. We were compelled either to beg or to steal, and we did both. I frankly confess that while I hated everything like stealing as such, I nevertheless did not hesitate to take food when I was hungry wherever I could find it. Nor was this practice the mere result of an unreasoning instinct. It was, in my case, the result of a clear apprehension of the claims of morality. I weighed and considered the matter closely before I ventured to satisfy my hunger by such means. Considering that my labor and person were the property of Master Thomas and that I was, by him, deprived of the necessaries of life, necessaries obtained by my own labor, it was easy to deduce the right to supply myself with what was my own. It was simply appropriating what was my own to the use of my Master since the health and strength derived from such food were exerted in his service. To be sure this was stealing according to the law and gospel I heard from St. Michael's pulpit, but I had already begun to attach less importance to what dropped from that quarter on that point while as yet I retained my reverence for religion. It was not always convenient to steal from Master and the same reason why I might innocently steal from him did not seem to justify me in stealing from others. In the case of my Master it was only a question of removal, but taking his meat out of one tub and putting it into another. The ownership of the meat was not affected by the transaction. At first he owned it in the tub and last he owned it in me. His meat house was not always open, there was a strict watch kept on that point and the key was on a large bunch in Rowena's pocket. A great many times have we poor creatures been severely pinched with hunger when meat and bread have been molding under the lock while the key was in the pocket of our Mistress. And so when she knew we were nearly half-starved and yet that Mistress with saintly air would kneel with her husband and pray each morning that a merciful God would bless them in basket and in store and save them at last in his kingdom. But I proceed with the argument. It was necessary that the right to steal from others should be established and this could only rest upon a wider range of generalization than that which supposed the right to steal from my Master. It was some time before I arrived at this clear right the reader will get some idea of my train of reasoning by a brief statement of the case. I am, thought I, not only the slave of Master Thomas but I am the slave of society at large. Society at large has bound itself in form and in fact to assist Master Thomas in robbing me of my rightful liberty and of the just reward of my labor. Therefore whatever rights I have against Master Thomas I have equally against those confederated with him in robbing me of liberty. As society has marked me out as privileged plunder as the principle of self-preservation I am justified in plundering in turn. Since each slave belongs to all all must therefore belong to each. I shall here make a profession of faith which may shock some offend others and be descended from by all it is this within the bounds of his just earnings I hold that the slave is fully justified in helping himself to the world in silver and the best apparel of his Master or that of any other slave holder and that such taking is not stealing in any just sense of that word. The morality of free society can have no application to slave society. Slave holders have made it almost impossible for the slave to commit any crime known either to the laws of God or to the laws of revolution. If he steals, he takes his own. If he kills his Master he imitates only the heroes of the revolution. Slave holders I hold to be individually and collectively responsible for all the evils which grow out of the horrid relation and I believe they will be so held at the judgment in the sight of a just God. Make a man a slave and you rob him of responsibility. Freedom of choice is the essence of all accountability but my kind readers are probably less concerned about my opinions than about that which more nearly touches my personal experience albeit my opinions have in some sort been formed by that experience. Bad as slave holders are I have seldom met with one so entirely destitute a character capable of inspiring respect as was my present Master Captain Thomas Alde. When I lived with him I thought him incapable of a noble action. The leading trait in his character was intense selfishness. I think he was fully aware of this fact himself and often tried to conceal it. Captain Alde was not a born slave holder not a birthright member of the slave holding oligarchy he was only a slave holder by marriage right and of all slave holders these letter are by far the most exacting. There was in him all the love of domination, the pride of mastery and the swagger of authority but his rule lacked the vital element of consistency. He could be cruel but his methods of showing it were cowardly than his spirit. His commands were strong, his enforcement weak. Slaves are not insensible to the whole sold characteristics of a generous dashing slave holder who is fearless of consequences and they prefer a master of this bold and daring kind even with the risk of being shot down for impudence to the fretful little soul who never uses the lash but at the suggestion of a love being. Slaves too readily distinguish between the birthright bearing of the original slave holder and the assumed attitudes of the accidental slave holder and while they cannot respect either they certainly despise the latter more than the former. The luxury of having slaves wait upon him was something new to master Thomas and for it he was wholly unprepared. He was a slave holder without the ability to hold or manage his slaves. We seldom call the master but generally addressed him by his Baycraft title Captain Alt. It is easy to see that such conduct might do much to make him appear awkward and consequently fretful. His wife was especially solicitous to have us call her husband master. Is your master at the store? Where is your master? Go and tell your master. I will make your master acquainted with your conduct she would say but we were in apt scholars especially were I and my sister Eliza in apt in this particular Ompress Cilla was less stubborn and defined in her spirit than Eliza and myself and I think her road was less rough than ours. In the month of August 1933 when I had almost become desperate under the treatment of master Thomas and when I entertained more strongly than ever the oft repeated determination to run away a circumstance occurred which seemed to promise brighter and better days for us all. At a Methodist camp meeting held in the Bayside a famous place for camp meetings about 8 miles from St. Michael's master Thomas came out with a profession of religion. He had long been an object of interest to the church and to the ministers as I had seen by the repeated visits and lengthy exhortations of the latter. He was a fish quite worth catching for he had money and standing. In the community of St. Michael's he was equal to the best citizen. He was strictly temperate perhaps from principle but most likely of interest. There was very little to do for him to give him the appearance of piety and to make him a pillar in the church. Well the camp meeting continued a week people gathered from all parts of the county and two steamboat loads came from Baltimore. The ground was happily chosen, seats were arranged, a stand erected, a rude altar fenced in, fronting the preacher's stand with straw in it and the accommodation of mourners. This letter would hold at least one hundred persons in front and on the sides of the preacher's stand and outside the long rows of seats rose the first class of stately tents each vying with the other in strength neatness and capacity for accommodating its inmates. Behind this first circle of tents was another less imposing which reached round the campground to the speaker's stand. Outside the second class of tents were covered wagons ox carts and vehicles of every shape and size these served as tents to their owners. Outside of these huge fires were burning in all directions where roasting and boiling and frying were going on for the benefit of those who were attending to their own spiritual welfare within the circle. Behind the preacher's stand a narrow space was marked out for the use of the colored people. There were no seats provided for this class of persons the preachers addressed them over the left if they addressed them at all. After the preaching was over at every service an invitation was given to mourners to come into the pen and in some cases ministers went out to persuade them to come in. But one of these ministers master Thomas Alt was persuaded to go inside the pen. I was deeply interested in that matter and followed and though colored people were not allowed either in the pen or in front of the preacher's stand I ventured to take my stand at a sort of halfway place between the blacks and whites where I could distinctly see the movements of mourners and the progress of master Thomas. If he has got religion thought I he will emancipate his slaves and if he should not do so much as this he will at any rate behave toward us more kindly and feed us more generously than he has heretofore done appealing to my own religious experience and judging my master by what was true in my own case I could not regard him as soundly converted unless some such good results followed his profession of religion. But in my expectations I was doubly disappointed master Thomas was master Thomas still. The fruits of his righteousness were to show themselves in no such way as I had anticipated. His conversion was not to change his relation toward men at any rate not toward black men but toward God. My faith I confess was not great there was something in his appearance that in my mind cast a doubt over his conversion. Standing where I did I could see his every movement. I watched very narrowly while he remained in the little pen and although I saw that his face was extremely red and his hair disheveled and though I heard him groan and saw a straight tear halting as if inquiring which way shall I go I could not wholly confide in the genuineness of his conversion. The hesitating behavior of that teardrop and its loneliness distressed me and cast a doubt upon the whole transaction of which it was a part but people said Captain Alt had come through and it was for me to hope for the best. I was bound to do this in charity and I too was religious and had been in the church for three years although now I was not more than 16 years old. Slave holders may sometimes have confidence in the piety of some of their slaves but the slaves seldom have confidence in the piety of their masters. He can't go to heaven with our blood in his skirts is a subtle point in the creed of every slave rising superior all teaching to the contrary and standing forever as a fixed fact. The highest evidence the slave holder can give the slave of his acceptance with God is the emancipation of his slaves. This is proof that he is willing to give up all to God and for the sake of God not to do this was in my estimation and in the opinion of all the slaves in evidence of life-heartedness and wholly inconsistent with the idea of genuine conversion. I read also somewhere in the Methodist discipline the following question and answer question what shall be done for the extirpation of slavery answer we declare that we are as much as ever convinced of the great evil of slavery therefore no slave holder shall be eligible to any official station in our church. These words sounded in my ears for a long time and encouraged me to hope but as I had before said I was doomed to disappointment. Master Thomas seemed to be aware of my hopes and expectations concerning him. I thought before now that he looked at me in answer to my glances as much as to say I will you young men that though I have parted with my sins I have not parted with my sense I shall hold my slaves and go to heaven too. Possibly to convince us that we must not presume too much upon his recent conversion he became rather more rigid and stringent in his exactions. There always was a scarcity of good nature about the man but now his whole countenance was soured over with the seemings of piety. His religion therefore neither made him emancipate his slaves nor caused him to treat them with greater humanity. If religion had any effect on his character at all it made him more cruel and hateful in all his ways. The natural wickedness of his heart had not been removed but only reinforced by the profession do I judge him harshly God forbid facts are facts. Captain All made the greatest profession of piety. His house was literally a house of prayer in the morning and in the evening loud prayers and hymns were heard there in which both himself and his wife joined yet no more meal was brought from the mill no more attention was paid to the moral welfare of the kitchen that was done to make us feel that the heart of master Thomas was one with better than it was before he went into the little pen opposite to the preacher's stand on the camp ground. Our hopes founded on the discipline soon vanished for the authorities let him into the church at once and before he was out of his term of probation I heard of his leading class he distinguished himself greatly among the brethren and was soon an exorter. His progress was almost as rapid as the growth of the fable vine of Jack's being. No man was more active than he in revivals he would go many miles to assist in carrying them on and in getting outsiders interested in religion his house being one of the holiest if not the happiest in St. Michael's became the preacher's home. These preachers evidently like to share master Thomas's hospitality for while he starved us he stuffed them. Three or four of these ambassadors of the gospel according to slavery have been there at a time all living on the fat of the land while we in the kitchen were nearly starving. Not often did we get a smile of recognition from these holy men they seemed almost as unconcerned about our getting to heaven as they were about our getting out of slavery. To this general charge there was one exception the Reverend George Cookman. Unlike Reverend Messieurs Stork's Urie, Hickey, Humphrey and Cooper all whom were on the St. Michael's circuit he kindly took an interest in our temporal and spiritual welfare. Our souls and our bodies were all alike sacred in his sight and he really had a good deal of genuine anti-slavery feeling mingled with his colonization ideas. There was not a slave in our neighborhood that did not love and almost venerate Mr. Cookman. It was pretty generally believed that he had been chiefly instrumental in bringing one of the largest slaveholders Mr. Samuel Harrison in that neighborhood to emancipate all his slaves and indeed the general impression was that Mr. Cookman had labored faithfully with slaveholders whenever he met them to induce them to emancipate their bond men and that he did this as a religious duty. When this good man was at our house we were all sure to be called in to prayers in the morning and he was not slowly making inquiries as to the state of our minds nor giving us a word of exhortation and of encouragement. Great was the sorrow of all the slaves when this faithful preacher of the gospel was removed from the Talbot County circuit. He was an eloquent preacher and possessed what few ministers south of Mason Dixon's line possessed or dared to show these a warm and philanthropic heart. Mr. Cookman of whom I speak was an Englishman by birth and perished while on his way to England he heard the ill-fated president. Could the thousands of slaves in Maryland know the fate of the good man to whose words of comfort they were so largely indebted they would thank me for dropping a tear on this page in memory of their favorite preacher, friend and benefactor. But let me return to Master Thomas and to my experience after his conversion. In Baltimore I could occasionally get into a Sabbath school among the free children and receive lessons with the rest. But having already learned both to read and to write I was more of a teacher than a pupil even there. When however I went back to the Eastern shore and was at the house of Master Thomas I was neither allowed to teach nor to be taught. The whole community with but a single exception among the whites frowned upon everything like imparting instruction either to slaves or to free colored persons. That single exception a pious young man named Wilson asked me one day if I would like to assist him in teaching a little Sabbath school at the house of a free colored man in St. Michael's named James Mitchell. The idea was to me a delightful one and I told him I would gladly devote as much of my Sabbaths as I could command to that most laudable work. Mr. Wilson soon mustered up a dozen old spelling books and a few testaments and we commenced operations with some twenty scholars in our Sunday school. Here thought I is something worth living for. Here is an excellent chance for usefulness and I shall soon have a company of young friends, lovers of knowledge like some of my Baltimore friends from whom I now felt parted forever. Our first Sabbath passed delightfully and I spent the week after very joyously. I could not go to Baltimore but I could make a little Baltimore here. At our second meeting I learned that there was some objection to the existence of the Sabbath school and sure enough we have scarcely got at work, good work, simply teaching a few colored children how to read the Gospel of the Son of God. When in Rush to Mob headed by Mr. Wright, Fairbanks and Mr. East to class leaders by Master Thomas, who armed with sticks and other missiles drove us off and commanded us never to meet for such a purpose again. One of this pious crew told me that as for my part I wanted to be another Nat Turner and if I did not look out I should get as many balls into me as Nat did into him. Thus into the infant Sabbath school in the town of Michael's the reader will not be surprised when I say that the breaking up of my Sabbath school by these class leaders and professedly holy men did not serve to strengthen my religious convictions. The cloud over my St. Michael's home grew heavier and blacker than ever. It was not merely the agency of Master Thomas in breaking up and destroying my Sabbath school that shook my confidence in the Muslim religion to make men wiser or better, but I saw in him all the cruelty and meanness after his conversion which he had exhibited before he made a profession of religion. His cruelty and meanness were especially displayed in his treatment of my unfortunate cousin Henning whose lameness made her a burden to him. I have no extraordinary personal hard usage toward myself to complain of against him, but I have seen him tie up the lame and maimed woman and whip her in a manner most brutal and shocking and then with blood-shilling blasphemy he would quote the passage of Scripture that servant which knew his Lord's will and prepared not himself neither did according to his will shall be beaten with many stripes. Master would keep this lacerated woman tied up by her wrists to a bolt in the joist for four and five hours at a time. He would tie her up early in the morning, whip her with a cow skin before breakfast, leave her tied up, go to his store and returning to his dinner, repeat the castigation, laying on the rugged lash on flesh already made raw by repeated blows. He seemed desirous to get the poor girl out of existence or at any rate off his hands. In proof of this he afterwards took her away to his sister Sarah, Mrs. Klein, but as in the case of Master Hugh hen he was soon returned to his hands. Finally upon a pretense that he could do nothing with her, I used his own words, he set her adrift to take care of herself. Here was a recently converted man holding with tight grasp the well-framed and abled bodied slaves left him by old Master the persons who in freedom could have taken care of themselves yet turning loose the only cripple among them virtually to starve and die. No doubt had Master Thomas been asked by some pious northern brother why he continued to sustain the relation of a slaveholder to those whom he retained. His answer would have been precisely the same as many other religious slaveholders have returned to that inquiry. These I hold my slaves for their own good. That is my condition was when I lived with Master Thomas I was soon to experience a life far more coating and bitter. The many differences springing up between myself and Master Thomas owing to the clear perception I had of his character and the boldness with which I defended myself against his confrecious complaints let him declare that I was unsuited to his wants. That my city life had affected me perniciously that in fact it had almost ruined me for every good purpose and had fitted me for everything that was bad. One of my greatest faults or offenses was that of letting his horse get away and go down to the farm belonging to his father-in-law. The animal had a liking for that farm with which I fully sympathized whenever I let it out it would go dashing down the road to Mr. Hamilton's as if going on a grand frolic. My horse gone of course I must go after it. The explanation of our mutual attachment to the place is the same. The horse found there good pastridge and I found there plenty of bread. Mr. Hamilton had his faults but starving his slaves was not among them he gave food in abundance and that too of an excellent quality. In Hamilton's cook on Mary I found the most generous and considerate friend she never allowed me to go there without giving me bread enough to make good the deficiencies of a day or two. Master Thomas at last resolved to endure my behavior no longer he could neither keep me nor his horse we like so well to be at his father-in-law's farm. I had now lived with him nearly nine months and he had given me a number of severe whippings without my character or my conduct and now he was resolved to put me out as he said to be broken. There was in the bay sidebar near the camp ground where my master got his religious impressions a man named Edward Covey who enjoyed the executed reputation of being a first-rate hand at breaking young Negroes. This Covey was a poor man a farm renter and this reputation hateful as it was to the general goodman was at the same time of immense advantage to him it enabled him to get his farm tilled with very little expense compared with what it would have cost him without this most extraordinary reputation some slaveholders thought it an advantage to let Mr Covey have the government of their slaves a year or two almost free of charge for the sake of the excellent training such slaves got under his happy management like horse breakers noted for their skill who ride the best horses in the country without expense Mr Covey could have under him the most fiery bloods of the neighborhood for the simple reward of returning them to their owners well broken added to the natural fitness of Mr Covey for the duties of his profession he was said to enjoy religion and was as strict in the cultivation of piety as he was in the cultivation of religion I was made aware of his character by some who had been under his hand and while I could not look forward to going to him with any pleasure I was glad to get away from St. Michael's I was sure of getting enough to eat at Covey's even if I suffered in other respects this to a hungry man is not a prospect to be regarded with indifference end of chapter 14 chapter 15 of my bondage and my freedom by Frederick Douglass this little box recording is in the public domain Covey the Negro breaker journey to my new masters meditations by the way view of Covey's residence the family the author's awkwardness as a field hand accrual beating why it was given description first adventure at ox driving hare breath escapes ox and man alike property Covey's manner of proceeding to whip hard labor better than the whip for breaking down the spirit cunning and trickery of Covey family worship shocking contempt for chastity the author broken down great mental agitation in contrasting the freedom the ships with his own slavery anguished beyond description the morning of the first of January 1834 with its chilling wind and pinching frost quite in harmony with the winter in my own mind found me with my little bundle of clothing on the end of a stick swung across my shoulder on the main road bending my way toward Covey's I had been imperiously ordered by Master Thomas the latter had been as good as his word and had committed me without reserve to the mastery of Mr. Edward Covey eight or ten years had now passed since I had been taken from my grandmother's cabin in Tukahoe and these years for the most part I had spent in Baltimore where as the reader has already seen I was treated with comparative tenderness I was now about to sound profounder depths in slave life the rigors of a field less tolerable than the field of battle awaited me my new master was notorious for his fierce and savage disposition and my only consolation in going to live with him was the certainty of finding him precisely as represented by my fame there was neither joy in my heart nor elasticity in my step as I started in search of the tyrant's home starvation made me glad to leave Thomas Alves and the cruel lash made me dread to go to Covey's escape was impossible so heavy and sad I paced the seven miles which separated Covey's house from St. Michael's thinking much by the solitary way averse to my condition but thinking was all I could do like a fish in a net allowed to play for a time I was now drawn rapidly to the shore secured at all points I am thought I but the sport of a power which makes no account either of my welfare or of my happiness by a law which I can clearly comprehend but cannot evade and resist I am ruthlessly snatched from the hearth of a fond grandmother and hurried away to the home of a mysterious old master again I am removed from there to a master in Baltimore then some I snatched away to the eastern shore to be valued with the beasts of the field and with them divided and set apart for a possessor then I am sent back to Baltimore and by the time I have formed attachments and have begun to hope that no more rude shocks shall touch me a difference arises between brothers and I am again broken up and sent to St. Michael's and now from the latter place I am footing my way to the home of a new master where I am given to understand that like a wild young working animal I am to be broken to the yoke of a bitter and life long bondage with thoughts and reflections like these I came in sight of a small wood colored building about a mile from the main road which from the description I had received at starting I easily recognized as my new home the Chesapeake Bay upon the jutting banks of which the little wood colored house was standing white with foam raised by the heavy northwest wind popular island covered with black pine forest standing out amid this half ocean and Kent Point stretching its sandy desert like shores out into the foam crested bay were all in sight and deepened the wild and desolate aspect of my new home the good clothes I had brought with me from Baltimore were now worn thin and had not been replaced for master Thomas was as little careful to provide for us against cold as against hunger met here by a north wind sweeping through an open space of 40 miles I was glad to make any port and therefore I speedily pressed on to the little wood colored house the family consisted of Mr. and Mrs. Covey Miss Camp a broken backed woman a sister of Mrs. Covey William Hughes cousin to Edward Covey Caroline the cook Bill Smith a hired man and myself Bill Smith Bill Hughes and myself were the working force of the farm which consisted of three or four hundred acres I was now for the first time in my life to be a field hand and in my new employment I found myself even more awkward than a green country boy maybe supposed to be upon his first entrance into the bewildering scenes of city life and my awkwardness gave me much trouble strange and unnatural as it may seem I had been at my new home but three days before Mr. Covey my brother in that Methodist church gave me a bitter foretaste of what was in reserve for me I presume he thought that since he had but a single year in which to complete his work the sooner he began the better perhaps he thought that by coming to blows at once we should mutually better understand our relations but to whatever motive direct or indirect the cause may be referred I had not been in his possession three whole days before he subjected me to a most brutal chastisement under his heavy blows blood flowed freely and whales were left on my back as large as my little finger the sores on my back from this flogging continued for weeks before they were kept open by the rough and coarse cloth which I wore for shirting the occasion and details of this first chapter of my experience as a field hand must be told that the reader may see how unreasonable as well as how cruel my new master Covey was the whole thing I found to be characteristic of the man and I was probably treated no worse by him than scores I had been committed to him for reasons similar to those which induce my master to place me with him but here are the facts connected with the affair precisely as they occurred on one of the coldest days of the whole month of January 1834 I was ordered at daybreak to get a load of wood from a forest about two miles from the house in order to perform this work in order to make sure of unbroken oxen for it seems his breaking abilities had not been turned in this direction and I may remark in passing that working animals in the south are seldom so well trained as in the north in due form and with all property ceremony I was introduced to this huge yoke of unbroken oxen and was carefully told which was Buck and which was Darby which was the in hand ox the master of this important ceremony was no less a person than Mr. Covey himself and the introduction was the first of the kind I had ever had my life of the two had led me away from horned cattle and I had no knowledge of the art of managing them what was meant by the in ox as against the off ox when both were equally fast and to one cart very easily divine and the difference implied by the names and the peculiar duties of each were alike Greek to me why was not the off ox called the in ox where and what is the reason for this distinction in names when there is none in the things themselves after initiating me into the woe back g hither the entire spoken language between oxen and driver Mr. Covey took a rope about ten feet long and one inch thick and placed one end of it around the horns of the in hand ox and gave the other end to me telling me that if the oxen started to run away as the scamp knew they would I must hold on to the rope and stop them I need not tell anyone who was acquainted with either the strength or the disposition of an untamed ox as unreasonable as a command to shoulder a mad bull I had never driven oxen before and I was as awkward as a driver as it is possible to conceive it did not answer for me to plead ignorance to Mr. Covey there was something in his manner that quite forbade that he was a man to whom a slave seldom felt any disposition to speak cold distant morose with a face wearing all the marks of captured pride and malicious sternness he repelled all advances Covey was not a large man he was only about five feet ten inches in height I should think short necked round shoulders a quick and wiry motion a thin and wolfish dissage with a pair of small greenish gray eyes set well back under a forehead without dignity and constantly in motion and floating his passions but denying them utterance in words the creature presented an appearance altogether ferocious and sinister disagreeable and forbidding in the extreme when he spoke it was from the corner of his mouth and in a sort of light growl like a dog when an attempt is made to take a bone from him the fellow had already made me believe him even worse than he had been represented with his directions and without stopping the question I started for the woods quite anxious to perform my first export in driving in a creditable manner the distance from the house to the woods gate a full mile I should think was passed over with very little difficulty for although the animals ran I was feed enough in the open field to keep pace with them especially as they pulled me along at the end of the rope but on reaching the woods I was speedily thrown into a distressing plight the animals took fright and started off ferociously into the woods carrying the cart full tilt against trees over stumps and dashing from side to side in a manner altogether frightful as I held the rope I expected every moment to be crushed between the cart and the huge trees among which they were so furiously dashing after running thus for several minutes my oxen were finally brought to a stand by a tree against which they dashed themselves with great violence upsetting the cart and entangling themselves among sundry young saplings by the shock the body of the cart was flung in one direction and the wheels and tongue in another and all in the greatest confusion there I was all alone in a thick wood to which I was a stranger my cart upset and shattered my oxen entangled wild and enraged my poor soul but a green hand to set all this disorder right I knew no more of oxen than the ox driver is supposed to know of wisdom after standing a few moments surveying the damage and disorder and not without a presentiment that this trouble would draw after it others even more distressing I took one end of the cart body and by an extra outlay of strength I lifted it toward the axle tree from which it had been violently flung and after much pulling and straining I succeeded in getting the body of the cart in its place this was an important step out of the difficulty and its performance increased my courage for the work which remained to be done the cart was provided with an axe a tool with which I had become pretty well acquainted in the shipyard at Baltimore with this I cut down the saplings by which my oxen were entangled and again pursued my journey in my heart and my mouth lest the oxen should again take it into their senseless heads to cut up our caper my fears were groundless their spree was over for the present and the rascals now moved off as soberly as though their behavior had been natural and exemplary on reaching the part of the forest where I had been the day before chopping wood I filled the cart with a heavy load as a security against my mother running away but the neck of an ox is equal in strength to iron it defies all ordinary burdens when excited tame and docile through a proverb when well trained the ox is the most sullen and intractable of animals when but half broken to the yoke I now saw in my situation several points of similarity with that of the oxen they were property so was I Covey was to break me I was to break them break and be broken such as life half the day already gone and my face not yet homeward it required only two days experience and observation to teach me that such apparent waste of time would not be lightly overlooked by Covey I therefore hurried toward home but on reaching the lane gate I met with the crowning disaster for the day this gate was a fair specimen of southern handicraft there were two huge posts 18 inches in diameter rough huge and square and the heavy gate was so hung on one of these that it opened only about half the proper distance on arriving here it was necessary for me to let go the end of the rope on the horns of the in hand ox and now as soon as the gate was open and I let go of it to get the rope again off my oxen making nothing of their load full tilt and in doing so they caught the huge gate between the wheel and the cart body literally crushing it to spinters and coming only within a few inches of subjecting me to a similar crushing for I was just in advance of the wheel when it struck the left gate post with these two hair breath escapes I thought I could successfully explain to Mr. Covey the delay and avert apprehended punishment I was not without a faint hope of being commended for the stern resolution which I had displayed in accomplishing the difficult task a task which afterwards learned even Covey himself would not have undertaken without first driving the oxen for some time in the open field preparatory to they're going into the woods but in this I was disappointed on coming to him his countenance an aspect of rigid displeasure and as I gave him a history of the casualties of my trip his wolfish face with his greenish eyes became intensely ferocious go back to the woods again he said muttering something else about wasting time I hastily obeyed but I had not gone far on my way when I saw him coming after me my oxen now behave themselves with singular propriety opposing their present conduct to my representation of their former antics I almost wished now that Covey was coming they would do something in keeping with the character I had given them but no they had already had their spree and they could afford now to be extra good readily obeying my orders and seeming to understand them quite as well as I did myself on reaching the woods my tormentor who seemed all the way to be remarking upon the behavior of his oxen came up to me and ordered me to stop the cart accompanying the same with the threat that he would now teach me how to break gates and idle away my time when he sent me to the woods suiting the action to the word Covey paced off in his own wiry fashion to a large black gum tree the young shoots of which are generally used for ox goads they being exceedingly tough three of these goads from four to six feet long he cut off and trimmed up with his large jack knife this done he ordered me to take off my clothes to this unreasonable order I made no reply but sternly refused to take off my clothing if you will beat me thought I you shall do so over my clothes after many threats which made no impression on me he rushed at me with something of the savage fierceness of a wolf tore off and thinly worn clothes I had on and proceeded to wear out on my back the heavy goads which he had cut from the gum tree this fogging was the first of a series of foggings and though very severe it was less so that many which came after it and these four offenses far lighter than the gate breaking I remained with Mr. Covey one year I cannot say I lived with him and during the first six months either with sticks or cow skins every week aching bones and a sore back were my constant companions frequent as the last was used Mr. Covey thought less of it as a means of breaking down my spirit and that of hard and long continued labor he worked me steadily up to the point of my powers of endurance from the dawn of day in the morning till the darkness was complete in the evening I was kept at hard work in the field at certain seasons of the year we were all kept in the field till eleven and twelve o'clock at night at these times Covey would attend us in the field and urge us on with words or blows as it seemed best to him he had in his life been an overseer and he well understood the business of slave driving there was no deceiving him he knew just what a man or boy could do and he held both to strict account when he pleased work himself like a very Turk making everything fly before him it was however scarcely necessary for Mr. Covey to be really present in the field to have his work go on industriously he had the faculty of making us feel that he was always present by a series of adroitly managed surprises which he practiced I was prepared to expect him at any moment his plan was never to approach the spot where his hands were at work in an open manly and manner no thief was ever more artful in his devices than this man Covey he would creep and crawl and ditches and gullies hide behind stumps and bushes and practice so much of the cunning of the serpent that Bill Smith and I between ourselves never called him by any other name than the snake we fancy that in his eyes and his gait we could see a snakeish resemblance one half of his proficiency in the art of negro breaking consisted I should think in this species of cunning we were never secure he could see or hear us nearly all the time he was to us behind every stump tree bush and fence on the plantation he carried this kind of trickery so far that he would sometimes mount his horse and make believe he was going to St. Michael's and in 30 minutes afterward you might find his horse tied in the woods and the snake like Covey lying flat in the ditch with his head lifted above its edge or in a fence corner watching every movement of the slaves I have known him walk up to us and give us special orders as to our work in advance as if he were leaving home with a view of being absent several days and before he got halfway to the house he would avail himself of our inattention to his movements to turn short on his heels conceal himself behind a fence corner and watch us until the going down of the sun mean and contemptible as is all this it is in keeping with the character which the life of a slaveholder is calculated to produce there is no earthly inducement in the slaves condition to incite him to labor faithfully the fear of punishment is the sole motive for any sort of industry with him knowing this fact as the slaveholder does and judging the slave by himself he naturally concludes the slave will be idle whenever the cause for this fear is absent hence all sorts of petty deceptions are practiced to inspire this fear but with Mr. Cubby trickery was natural everything in the shape of learning or religion which he possessed was made to conform to this semi-lying propensity he did not seem conscious that the practice had anything unmanly base or contemptible about it it was a part of an important system with him essential to the relation of master and slave I thought I saw in his very religious devotions this controlling element of his character a long prayer at night made up for the short prayer in the morning and few men could seem more devotional than he when he had nothing else to do Mr. Cubby was not content with the cold style of family worship adopted in these cold latitudes which begin and end with a simple prayer no the voice of praise as well as of prayer must be heard in his house night and morning at first I was called upon to bear some part in these exercises but the repeated flogging giving me by Cubby turned the whole thing into mockery he was a poor singer and mainly relied on me for raising the hymn for the family and when I failed to do so he was thrown into much confusion I do not think that he ever abused me on account of these vexations his religion was a thing altogether apart from his worldly concerns he knew nothing of it as a holy principle directing and controlling his daily life making the latter conform to the requirements of the gospel one or two facts will illustrate his character better than a volume of generalities I've already said or implied that Mr. Edward Cubby was a poor man he was in fact just commencing to lay the foundation of his fortune as fortune is regarded in a slave state the first condition of wealth and respectability there being the ownership of human property every nerve is strained by the poor man to obtain it and very little regard is had to the manner of obtaining it in pursuit of this object highest as Mr. Cubby was he proved himself to be as unscrupulous and base as the worst of his neighbors in the beginning he was only able as he said to buy one slave as unscrupulous and shocking as is the fact he boasted that he bought her simply as a breeder but the worst is not told in this naked statement this young woman Caroline was her name was virtually compelled by Mr. Cubby to abandon herself to the object for which he had purchased her and the result was the birth of twins at the end of the year at this addition to his human stock both Edward Cubby and his wife Susan were ecstatic with joy no one dreamed of approaching the woman or finding fault with the hired man Bill Smith the father of the children for Mr. Cubby himself had locked the two up together every night thus inviting the result but I will pursue this revolting subject no further no better illustration of the unchaste and immoralizing character of slavery can be found that is furnished in the fact that this professively Christian slaveholder amidst all his prayers and hymns the embocefully encouraging and actually compelling in his own house undisguised and unmitigated fornication as a means of increasing his human stock I may remark here that while this fact will be read with disgust and shame at the north it will be laughed at as smart and praise worthy in Mr. Cubby at the south for a man is no more condemned therefore buying a woman and devoting her to this life of dishonor than for buying a cow and raising stock of her the same rules are observed with a view to increasing the number and quality of the former as of the latter I will here reproduce what I said of my own experience in this wretched place more than ten years ago if at any one time of my life more than another I was made to drink the bitterest drugs of slavery that time was during the first six months of my stay with Mr. Cubby we were worked all weathers it was never too hot or too cold low snow or hail too hard for us to work in the field work work work was scarce the more the order of the day than of the night the longest days were too short for him and the shortest nights were too long for him I was somewhat unmanageable when I first went there but a few months of this discipline tamed me Mr. Cubby succeeded in breaking me I was broken in body soul and spirit my naturally last density was crushed my intellect languished the disposition to read departed the cheerful spark that lingered about my eye died the dark night of slavery closed in upon me and behold a man transformed into a brute Sunday was my only leisure time I spent this in a sort of beast like stupor between sleep and wake under some large tree at times I would rise up a flash of energetic freedom would dart through my soul accompanied with a faint beam that flickered for a moment and then vanished I sank down again morning over at my wretched condition I was sometimes prompted to take my life and that of Cubby but was prevented by a combination of hope and fear my sufferings on this plantation seem now like a dream rather than a stern reality our house stood within a few rods of the Chesapeake Bay whose broad bosom was ever wiped with sails from every quarter of the habitable globe those beautiful vessels robed in purest white so delightful to the eye of free men were to me so many shrouded ghosts to terrify and torment me with thoughts of my wretched condition I've often in the deep stillness of a summer Sabbath stood all alone upon the banks of that noble bay and traced with saddened heart and tearful eye the countless number of sails moving off to the mighty ocean the sight of these always affected me powerfully my thoughts would compel utterance and there with no audience but the almighty I would pour out my soul's complaint in my rude way with an apostrophe to the moving multitude of ships you are loosed from your moorings and free I am fast in my chains and emma slave you move merrily before the gentle gale and I sadly before the bloody whip you are freedom swift winged angels that fly around the world I am confined in bands of iron oh that I wear free oh that I wear on one of your gallant decks and under your protecting wing alas betwixt me and you the turbid waters roll go on go on oh that I could also go could I but swim if I could fly oh why was I born a man of whom to make a brute the glad ship is gone she hides in the dim distance I'm left in the hottest hell of unending slavery oh God save me God deliver me let me be free is there any God why am I a slave I will run away I will not stand it get caught or get clear I'll try I had as well die with egg you as with fever I've only one life to lose I had as well be killed running as die standing only think of it 100 miles straight north and I'm free try it yes God helping me I will it cannot be that I shall live and die a slave I will take to the water this very bait shall bear me into freedom the steamboat steered in a northeast from north point I will do the same and when I get to the head of the bay I will turn my canoe adrift and walk straight through Delaware into Pennsylvania when I get there I shall not be required to have a pass I will travel without being disturbed let but the first opportunity offer and come what will I am off meanwhile I will try to bear up under the yoke I am not the only slave in the world why should I fret I can bear as much as any of them besides I am but a boy and all boys I will be alone to someone it may be that my misery and slavery will only increase my happiness when I get free there is a better day coming I shall never be able to narrate the mental experience through which it was my lot to pass during my stay at Covies I was completely wrecked changed and bewildered goaded almost to madness at one time and at another reconciling myself to my wretched condition everything in the way of kindness which I had experienced at Baltimore all my former hopes and aspirations for usefulness in the world and the happy moment spent in the exercises of religion contrasted with my then present lot but increased my anguish I suffered bodily as well as mentally I had neither sufficient time in which to eat or to sleep except on Sundays the overwork and the brutal chastisements of which I was the victim combined with that ever-knowing and so devouring thought I am a slave a slave for life a slave with no rational ground to hope my freedom rendered me a living embodiment of mental and physical wretchedness end of chapter 15 chapter 16 of my bondage and my freedom by Frederick Douglass this LibriVox recording is in the public domain another pressure of the tolerance vice experience at Covies summed up for six months severe than the second preliminaries to the change reasons for narrating the circumstances seen in the treading yard author taken ill unusual brutality of Covies author escapes to St. Michael's the pursuit suffering in the woods driven back again to Covies bearing of master Thomas the slave is never sick natural to expect slaves to feign sickness laziness of slave holders the foregoing chapter with all its horrid incidents working features may be taken as a fair representation of the first six months of my life at Covies the reader has but to repeat in his own mind once a week the scene in the woods where Covies subjected me to his merciless lash to have a true idea of my bitter experience there during the first period of the breaking process through which Mr. Covies carried me I have no heart to repeat each exact transaction in which I was a victim of his violence and brutality such a narration would fill a volume much larger than the present one I aim only to give the reader a truthful impression of my slave life without unnecessarily affecting him with harrowing details as I have elsewhere intimated that my hardships were much greater during the first of my stay at Covies than during the remainder of the year and as the change in my condition was owing to causes which may help the reader to a better understanding of human nature when subjected to the terrible extremities of slavery I will narrate the circumstances of this change although I may seem thereby to applaud my own courage you have dear reader seen me humbled degraded turned down enslaved and brutalized and you understand how it was done now let us see the converse of all this and how it was brought about and this will take us through the year 1834 on one of the hottest days of the month of August of the year just mentioned had the reader been passing through Covies farm he might have seen me at work in what is there called the treading yard a yard on which wheat is trodden out from the straw by the horses feet I was there at work feeding the fan or rather bringing wheat to the fan while Bill Smith was feeding our force consisted of Bill Hughes, Bill Smith and a slave by the name of Eli the latter having been hired for this occasion the work was simple and required strength and activity rather than any skill or intelligence and yet to one entirely unused to such work it came very hard the heat was intense and overpowering and there was much hurry to get the wheat trodden out that day through the fan since if that work was done an hour before sundown the hands would have according to a promise of Covie that hour added to their nights rest I was not behind any of them I wished to complete the day's work before sundown and hence I struggled with all my might to get the work forward the promise of one hour's repose on a weekday was sufficient to quicken my pace and to spur me on to extra endeavor besides we had all planned to go fishing and I certainly wish to have a hand in that but I was disappointed and the day turned out to be my ever experienced about three o'clock while the sun was pouring down his burning rays and not a breeze was stirring I broke down my strength failed me I was seized with a violent aching of the head attended with extreme dizziness and trembling in every limb finding what was coming and feeling it would never do to stop work I nerved myself up and staggered on until I fell by the side of the fan feeling that the earth had fallen upon me this brought the entire work to a dead stand there was work for four each one had his part to perform and each part depended on the other so that when one stopped all were compelled to stop covey who had now become my dread as well as my tormentor was at the house about a hundred yards from where I was fanning and instantly upon hearing the fan stop he came down to the treading yard to inquire into the cause of our stopping Bill Smith told him I was sick and that I was unable longer to bring wheat to the fan I had by this time crawled away under the side of a post and rail fence in the shade and was exceedingly ill the intense heat of the sun the heavy dust rising from the fan the stooping to take up the wheat from the yard together with the hurrying through had caused a rush of blood to my head in this condition covey finding out where I was came to me and after standing over me a while he asked me what the matter was I told him as well as I could for it was with difficulty that I could speak he then gave me a savage kick in the side which jarred my whole frame and commanded me to get up the man had obtained complete control over me and commanded me to do any possible thing I should in my then state of mind have endeavored to comply I made an effort to rise but fell back in the attempt before gaining my feet the brute now gave me another heavy kick and again told me to rise I again tried to rise and succeeded in gaining my feet but upon stooping to get the tub with which I was feeding the fan I again staggered and fell to the ground I had so fallen had I been sure that a hundred bullets would have pierced me as the consequence while down in this sad condition and perfectly helpless the merciless negro breaker took up the hickory slab with which Hughes had been striking off the wheat to a level with the size of the half bushel measure a very hard weapon and with the sharp edge of it he dealt me a heavy blow on my head which made a large gash and caused the blood to run freely saying at the same time if you have got the headache I'll cure you this done he ordered me again to rise but I made no effort to do so for I had made up my mind that it was useless and that the heartless monster might now do his worst he could but kill me and that might put me out of my misery finding me unable to rise a rather despairing of my doings so Covey left me with a view to getting on with the work without me his bleeding very freely and my face was soon covered with my warm blood cruel and merciless as was the motive that dealt that blow dear reader the wound was fortunate for me bleeding was never more efficacious the pain in my head speedily abated and I was soon able to rise Covey had as I have said now left me to my fate and the question was shall I return to my work or shall I find my way to St. Michael's and make Captain Ald acquainted with the atrocious cruelty of his brother Covey and beseech him to get me another master remembering the object he had in view in placing me under the management of Covey and further his cruel treatment of my poor crippled cousin Henney and his meanness in the matter of feeding and clothing his slaves there was little ground to hope for a favorable reception at the hands of Captain Thomas Ald nevertheless I resolved to go straight Captain Ald thinking that if not animated by motives of humanity he might be induced to interfere on my behalf from selfish considerations he cannot thought I allow his property to be thus bruised and battered marred and defaced and I will go to him and tell him the simple truth about the matter in order to get to St. Michael's by the most favorable and direct road I must walk seven miles and this in my sad condition was no easy performance I had already lost much blood I was exhausted by overexertion my sides were sore from the heavy blows planted there by the stout boots of Mr. Covey and I was in every way in an unfavorable plight for the journey I however watched my chance while the cruel and cunning Covey was looking in an opposite direction and started off across the field for St. Michael's this was a daring step if it failed it would only exasperate Covey and increase the rigors of my bondage during the remainder of my term of service under him but the step was taken and I must go forward I succeeded in getting nearly halfway across the broad field towards the woods before Mr. Covey observed me I was still bleeding and the exertion of running had started the blood of fresh come back, come back those siphirated Covey with threats of what he would do if I did not return but disregarding his cause and his threats I pressed on towards the woods as fast as my feeble state would allow seeing those signs of my stopping Covey caused his horse to be brought out and saddled as if he intended to pursue me the race was now to be an unequal one and thinking I might be overhauled by him if I kept the main road I walked nearly the whole distance in the woods keeping far enough from the road to avoid detection and pursuit but I had not gone far before my little strength again failed me and I laid down the blood was still oozing from the wound in my head and for a time I suffered more than I can describe there I was in the deep woods sick and emaciated pursued by a rep choose character for revolting cruelty beggars all appropriate speech bleeding and almost bloodless I was not without the fear of bleeding to death the thought of dying in the woods all alone and of being torn to pieces by the buzzards had not yet been rendered tolerable by my many troubles and hardships and I was glad when the shade of the trees and the cool evening breeze combined with my matted hair to stop the flow of blood after lying there about three quarters of an hour brooding over the singular and mournful lot to which I was doomed my mind passing over the whole scale or circle of belief and unbelief from faith and the overruling providence of God to the blackest atheism I again took up my journey towards St. Michael's more weary and sad than in the morning when I left Thomas Alds for the home of Mr. Covey I was barefooted and bareheaded and in my shirt sleeves the way was through bogs and briers and I tore my feet often during the journey I was full five hours and going to seven or eight miles partly because of the difficulties of the way and partly because of the feebleness induced by my illness spruces and loss of blood on gaining my master's store I presented an appearance of wretchedness and woe fitted to move any but a heart of stone from the crown of my head to the soul of my feet there were marks of blood my hair was all clouded with dust and blood and the back of my shirt was literally stiff with the same briers and thorns had scarred and torn my feet and legs leaving blood marks there had I escaped from my den of tigers I could not have looked worse than I did on reaching St. Michael's in this unhappy plight I appeared before my professedly Christian master humbly to invoke the interposition of his power and authority to protect me from further abuse and violence and I began to hope during the latter part of my tedious journey towards St. Michael's the captain Ald would now show himself in a nobler light than I had ever seen him I was disappointed I jumped from a sinking ship into the sea I had fled from the tiger to something worse I told him all the circumstances as well as I could how I was endeavouring to please Covey how hard I was at work in the present instance how unwillingly I sunk down under the heat toiling pain the brutal manner in which Covey had kicked me in the side the gash cut in my head my hesitation about troubling him captain Ald complains but that now I felt it would not be best longer to conceal from him the outrages committed on me from time to time by Covey at first master Thomas seemed somewhat affected by the story of my wrongs but he soon repressed his feelings and became cold as iron it was impossible as I stood before him at the first for him to seem indifferent I distinctly saw his human nature asserting his conviction against the slave system which made cases like mine possible but as I have said humanity felt before the systematic tyranny of slavery he first walked the floor apparently much agitated by my story and the sad spectacle I presented but presently it was his term to talk he began moderately by finding excuses for Covey and ending with a full justification of him and a passionate condemnation of me he had no doubt I deserved the flogging I did not believe I was sick I was only endeavoring to get rid of work my dizziness was laziness and Covey did right to flog me as he had done after thus fairly annihilating me and rousing himself by his own eloquence he fiercely demanded what I wished him to do in the case with such a complete knockdown to all my hopes as he had given me and feeling as I did my entire subjection to his power I had very little heart to reply I must not affirm my innocence of the allegations which he had piled up against me but that would be impudence and would probably call down fresh violence as well as wrath upon me the guilt of a slave is always and everywhere presumed and the innocence of the slavehold or the slave employer is always asserted the word of the slave against this presumption is generally treated as impudence worthy of punishment do you contradict me you rascal is a final silencer of counter statements from the lips of a slave calming down a little in view of my silence and hesitation and perhaps from a rapid glance at the picture of misery I presented he inquired again what I would have him do thus invited a second time I told master Thomas I wished him to allow me to get a new home and to find a new master that assures I went back to live with Mr. Covey again I should be killed by him that he would never forgive my coming to him captain alt with a complaint against him Covey that since I've lived with him he had almost crushed my spirit and I believe that he would ruin me for future service that my life was not safe in his hands this master Thomas my brother in the church regarded as nonsense there was no danger of Mr. Covey is killing me he was a good man industrious and religious and he would not think of removing me from that home besides that he and this I found was the most distressing thought of all to him if you should leave now that your year has but half expired I should lose your wages for the entire year you belong to Mr. Covey for one year and you must go back to him come what will you must not trouble me with any more stories about Mr. Covey and if you do not go immediately home I will get hold of you myself this was just what I expected when I found he had prejudged the case against me but sir I said I'm sick and tired and I cannot get home tonight yes he again relented and finally he allowed me to remain all night at St. Michael's but said I must be off early in the morning and concluded his directions by making me swallow a huge dose of epsom salts about the only medicine ever administered to slaves it was quite natural for master Thomas to presume I was feigning sickness to escape work for he probably thought that were he in the place of a slave with no wages for his work no praise for well at the last he would try every possible scheme by which to escape labor I say I have no doubt of this the reason is that there are not under the whole heavens a set of men who cultivate such an intense threat of labor as do the slaveholders the charge of laziness against the slaves is ever on their lips and is the standing apology for every species of cruelty and brutality these men literally bind heavy burdens grievous to be born and lay them on men's shoulders but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers my kind readers shall have in the next chapter what they were led perhaps to expect to find in this namely an account of my partial disenthraughment from the tyranny of Covey and the marked change which it brought about in of chapter 16 chapter 17 of my bondage and my freedom my Frederick Douglass this LibriVox recording is in the public domain the last flogging a sleepless night returned to Covey's pursued by Covey the chase defeated vengeance postponed using in the woods the alternative deplorable spectacle night in the woods expected attack accosted by Sandy a friend not a hunter Sandy's hospitality the ash cake supper the interview with Sandy his advice Sandy a conjurer as well as a Christian the magic route strange meeting with Covey his manner Covey's Sunday face Arthur's defensive result the fight the victory and its results sleep itself does not always come to the relief of the embodied and the broken in spirit especially when past troubles only foreshadow coming disasters the last hope had been extinguished my master who I did not venture to hope would protect me as a man had even now refused to protect me as his property and had cast me back covered with reproaches and bruises into the hands of a stranger to that mercy which was the soul of the religion he professed may the reader never spend such a night as that allotted to me previous to the morning which was to herald my return to the den of horrors from which I had made a temporary escape I remained all night sleep I did not at St. Michael's and in the morning Saturday I started off according to the order Mr. Thomas believing that I had no friend on earth and doubting if I had one in heaven I reached Covey's about nine o'clock and just as I stepped into the field before I had reached the house Covey true to his snakeish habits darted out at me from a fence corner in which he had secreted himself for the purpose of securing me he was amply provided with a cow's skin and a rope and he evidently intended to tie me up and to wreak his vengeance on me to the fullest extent I should have been an easy prey had he succeeded in getting his hands upon me for I had taken no refreshment since noon on Friday and this together with the pelting excitement and the loss of blood had reduced my strength I however darted back into the woods before the ferocious hound could get hold of me and buried myself in a thicket where he lost sight of me the corn field afforded me cover in getting to the woods but for the tall corn Covey would have overtaken me and made me his captive he seemed very much chagrin that he did not catch me and gave up the chase very reluctantly for I could see his angry movements toward the house from which he had solid on his foray well now I am clear of Covey and of his wrathful lash for the present I am in the wood buried in its somber gloom and hushed in its solemn silence he hid from all human eyes shut in with nature and nature's God and absent from all human contrivances he was a good place to pray to pray for help for deliverance a prayer I had often made before but how could I pray Covey could pray Captain All could pray I would feign pray but doubts arising partly from my own neglect of the means of grace and partly from the sham religion which everywhere prevailed cast in my mind a doubt upon all religion and led me to the conviction that prayers were unavailing and that I was abusive prevented my embracing the opportunity as a religious one life in itself had almost become burdensome to me all my outward relations were against me I must stay here and starve I was already hungry or go home to Covey's and have my flesh torn to pieces and my spirit humbled under the cruel lash of Covey I was presented to me the day was long and irksome my physical condition was deplorable I was weak from the toils of the previous day and from the want of food and rest and had been so little concerned about my appearance that I had not yet washed the blood from my garments I was an object of horror even to myself life in Baltimore when most oppressive was a paradise to this have I done what had my parents done that such a life as this should be mine that day in the woods I would have exchanged my manhood for the brutehood of an ox night came I was still in the woods unresolved what to do hunger had not yet pinched me to the point of going home and I laid myself down in the leaves to rest for I had been watching for hunters all day but not being molested during the day I expected no disturbance during the night I had come to the conclusion that Covey relied upon hunger to drive me home and in this I was quite correct the facts showed that he had made no effort to catch me since morning during the night I heard the step of a man in the woods he was coming toward the place where I lay a person lying still has the advantage over one walking in the daytime and this advantage is much greater at night I was not able to engage in a physical struggle and I had recourse to the common resort of the week I hid myself in the leaves to prevent discovery but as the night rambler in the woods drew near I found him to be a friend not an enemy it was a slave of Mr. William Groones of Easton a kind hearted fellow Sandy lived with Mr. Kemp that year about four miles from St. Michael's he like myself had been hired out by the year but unlike myself had not been hired out to be broken Sandy was the husband of a free woman who lived in the lower part of pot pie neck and he was now on his way through the woods to see her and to spend the Sabbath with her as soon as I had ascertained that the truth of my solitude was not an enemy but the good hearted Sandy a man is famous among the slaves of the neighborhood for his good nature as for his good sense I came out from my hiding place and made myself known to him I explained the circumstances of the past two days which had driven me to the woods and he deeply compassionated my distress it was a bold thing for him to shelter me for had I been found in his hut he would have suffered the penalty of 39 lashes on his bare back if not something worse but Sandy was too generous to permit the fear of punishment to prevent his relieving of brother bondman from hunger and exposure and therefore on his own motion I accompanied him to his home rather to the home of his wife for the house and lot were hers his wife was called up for a feast now about midnight a fire was made some Indian meal was soon mixed with salt and water and an ash cake was baked in a hurry to relieve my hunger Sandy's wife was not behind him in kindness both seemed to esteem it a privilege to succor me for although I was hated by cubby and by my master I was loved by the colored people because they thought I was hated for my knowledge and I was feared I was the only slave now in that region who could read and write there had been one other man belonging to Mr. Hugh Hamilton who could read his name was Jim but he poor fellow had shortly after my coming into the neighborhood been sold off to the far south I saw Jim ironed in the cart to be carried to Easton for sale pinioned like a yearling for the slaughter my knowledge was now the pride of my brother's slaves and no doubt Sandy felt something of the general interest in me on that account the supper was soon ready and though I have feasted since with honorables, lord mares and alderman over the sea my supper on ash cake and cold water with Sandy was the meal of all my life most sweet to my taste and now most vivid in my memory supper over Sandy and I went into a discussion that was impossible for me under the perils and hardships which now overshadowed my path the question was must I go back to Covey or must I now attempt to run away upon a careful survey the latter was found to be impossible for I was on a narrow neck of land every avenue from which would bring me in sight of pursuers there was the Chesapeake Bay to the right and Popeye River to the left and St. Michael's occupying the only space through which there was any retreat I found Sandy an old advisor he was not only a religious man but he professed to believe in a system for which I had no name he was a genuine African and had inherited some of the so-called magical powers said to be possessed by African and eastern nations he told me that he could help me that in those very woods there was an herb which in the morning might be found possessing all the powers required for my protection I put his thoughts in my own language and that if I would take his advice he would procure me the root of the herb of which he spoke he told me further that if I would take that root and wear it on my right side it would be impossible for Covey to strike me a blow that with this root about my person no white man could whip me he said he had the powers and that he had fully tested its virtues he had never received a blow from a slave holder since he carried it and he never expected to receive one for he always meant to carry that root as a protection he knew Covey well for Mrs. Covey was the daughter of Mr. Kemp and he Sandy had heard of the barbarous treatment to which I was subjected and he wanted to do something for me now all this talk about the root was absurd and ridiculous if not positively sinful I at first rejected the idea that the simple carrying a root on my right side a root by the way over which I walked every time I went into the woods could possess any such magic power as he ascribed to it and I was therefore not disposed to cumber my pocket with it I had a positive aversion to all pretenders to divination it was beneath one of my intelligence to countenance such dealings with the devil as this power implied but with all my learning it was really fresh as little Sandy was more than a match for me my book learning he said had not kept Covey off me a powerful argument just then and he entreated me with flashing eyes to try this if it did me no good it could do me no harm and it would cost me nothing anyway Sandy was so earnest and so confident of the qualities of this weed that to please him rather than from any conviction of its excellence I was induced to take it he had been to me the good Samaritan and had almost providentially found me and helped me when I could not help myself how did I know but that the hand of the Lord was in it with thoughts of this sort I took the roots from Sandy and put them in my right hand pocket this was of course Sunday morning Sandy now urged me to go home with all speed and to walk up bravely to the house as though nothing had happened I saw in Sandy too deep an insight into human nature with all his superstition not to have some respect for his advice and perhaps to us like gleam or shadow of his superstition had fallen upon me at any rate I started off toward Covey's as directed by Sandy having the previous night poured my griefs into Sandy's ears and got him enlisted in my behalf having made his wife a sharer in my sorrows and having also become well refreshed by sleep and food I moved off quite courageously toward the much-dreaded Covey's singularly enough just as I entered his yard gate I met him and his wife dressed in their Sunday best looking as smiling as angels on their way to church the manner of Covey astonished me there was something really benignant in his countenance he spoke to me as never before told me that the pigs had got into the lot and he wished me to drive them out inquired how I was and seemed an altered man this extraordinary conduct of Covey really made me begin to think that Sandy's herb had more virtue in it than I in my pride had been willing to allow and had the day been other than Sunday I should have attributed Covey's altered manner solely to the magic power of the root I suspected however that the Sabbath and not the root was the real explanation of Covey's manner his religion hindered him from breaking this Sabbath but not from breaking my skin he had more respect for the day than for the man for whom the day was mercifully given for while he would cut slash my body during the week he would not hesitate on Sunday to teach me the value of my soul or the way of life and salvation by Jesus Christ all went well with me till Monday morning and then whether the root had lost its virtue or whether my tormentor had gone deeper into the black art than myself as was sometimes said of him or whether he had obtained a special indulgence for his faithful Sabbath worship it is not necessary for me to know or to inform the reader but this much I may say the pious and magnanimous smile which grace Covey's face on Sunday wholly disappeared on Monday long before daylight I was called up to go and feed, rub and curry the horses I obeyed the call and I would have so obeyed it had it been made at an earlier hour for I had brought my mind to affirm resolve during that Sunday's reflection to obey every order however unreasonable if it were possible and if Mr. Covey should then undertake to beat me to defend and protect myself to the best of my ability my religious views on the subject of resisting my master had suffered a serious shock by the savage persecution to which I had been subjective and my hands were no longer tied by my religion master Thomas's indifference to cover the last link I have now to this extent backslidden from this point in the slaves religious creed and I soon had occasion to make my fallen state known to my Sunday pious brother Covey whilst I was obeying his order to feed and get the horses ready for the field and when in the act of going up the stable law for the purpose of throwing down some blades Covey sneaked into the stable snake like way and seizing me suddenly by the lake he brought me to the stable floor giving my newly mended body a fearful jar I now forgot my roots and remembered my pledge to stand up in my own defense the brute was endeavoring skillfully to get a slipknot on my legs before I could drop my feet as soon as I found what he was up to I gave a sudden spring my two days rest had been of much service to me and by that means no doubt he was able to bring me to the floor so heavily he was defeated in his plan of tying me while down he seemed to think he had me very securely in his power he little thought he was as the Ravi say in for a rough and tumble fight but such was the fact whence came the daring spirit necessary to grapple with a man who eight and forty hours before could with his word have made me tremble like a leaf in a storm I do not know at any rate I was resolved to fight and what was better still I was actually hard at it the fighting madness had come upon me and I found my strong fingers firmly attached to the throat of my cowardly tormentor as heedless of consequences at the moment as though we stood as equals before the law the very color of the man was forgotten I felt as supple as a cat and was ready for the snakeish creature at every turn every blow of his was parried though I dealt no blows in turn I was strictly on the defensive preventing him from injuring me rather than trying to injure him I flung him on the ground several times when he meant to have hurled me there I held him so firmly by the throat that his blood followed my nails he held me and I held him all was fair thus far and the contest was about equal my resistance was entirely unexpected and Covey was taken all aback by it for he trembled in every limb are you going to resist you scoundrel said he to which I returned a polite yes sir steadily gazing my interrogator in the eye to meet the first approach or dawning of the blow which I expected my answer would call forth but the conflict did not long remain thus equal Covey soon cried out lustily for help not that I was obtaining any marked advantage over him or was injuring him but because he was gaining none over me and was not able single handed to conquer me he called for his cousin Hughes to come to his assistance and now the scene was changed I was compelled to give blows as well as to parry them and since I was in any case for resistance I felt as the musty proverb goes that I might as well be hanged for an old sheep has a lamb I was still defensive toward Covey but aggressive toward Hughes and at the first approach of the letter I dealt the blow in my desperation which barely sickened my youthful assailant he went off bending over with pain and manifesting no disposition to come within my reach again the poor fellow was in the act of trying to catch and tie my right hand and while flattering himself with success I gave him the kick which sent him staggering away in pain at the same time that I held Covey with a firm hand taking completely by surprise Covey seemed to have lost his usual strength and coolness he was frightened and stood puffing and blowing seemingly unable to command words or blows when he saw that poor Hughes was standing half bent with pain his courage quite gone the cowardly tyrant asked if I meant to persist in my resistance I told him I did mean to resist come what might that I had been by him treated like a brute during the last six months and that I should stand it no longer with that he gave me a shake and attempted to drag me toward a stick of wood that was lying just outside the stable door he meant to knock with it but just as he leaned over to get the stick I seized him with both hands by the collar and with a vigorous and sudden snatch I brought my assailant harmlessly his full length on the not over clean ground for we were now in the cow yard he had selected the place for the fight and it was but right that he should have all the advantages of his own selection by this time Bill the hired man came home he had been Mr. Hemsley's to spend the Sunday with his nominal wife and was coming home on Monday morning to go to work Covey and I had been skirmishing from before daybreak till now that the sun was almost shooting his beams over the eastern woods and we were still at it I could not see where the matter was to terminate he evidently was afraid to let me go let's start should again make off to the woods otherwise he would probably have obtained arms from the house to frighten me holding me Covey called upon Bill for assistance the scene here had something comic about it Bill who knew precisely what Covey wished him to do affected ignorance and pretended he did not know what to do what shall I do Mr. Covey said Bill take hold of him take hold of him said Covey with a toss of his head peculiar to Bill he said indeed Mr. Covey I want to go to work this is your work said Covey take hold of him Bill replied with spirit my master hired me here to work and not to help you whip Frederick it was now my turn to speak Bill said I don't put your hands on me to which he replied my God Frederick I ain't going to touch you and Bill walked off leaving Covey and myself to settle our matters as best we might but my present advantage was threatened when I saw Caroline the slave woman of Covey coming to the cow yard to milk for she was a powerful woman and could have me very easily exhausted as I now was as soon as she came into the yard Covey attempted to rally her to his aid strangely and I may add fortunately Caroline was in no humor to take a hand in any such sport we were all in open rebellion that morning Caroline answered the command of her master to take hold of me precisely as Bill had answered but in her it was at greater peril so to answer she was the slave Covey and he could do what he pleased with her it was not so with Bill and Bill knew it Samuel Harris to whom Bill belonged did not allow his slaves to be beaten unless they were guilty of some crime which the law would punish but poor Caroline like myself was at the mercy of the merciless Covey nor did she escape the dire effects of her refusal he gave her several sharp clothes Covey at length two hours had a lapse gave up the contest letting me go he said puffing and blowing at a great rate now you scoundrel go to your work I would not have whipped you have so much as I have had you not resisted the fact was he had not with me at all he had not in all the scuffle drawn a single drop of blood from me I had drawn blood from him and even without this satisfaction I should have been victorious because my aim had not been to injure him but to prevent his injuring me during the whole six months that I lived with Covey after this action he never laid on me the weight of his finger in anger he would occasionally say he did not want to have to get hold of me again a declaration which I had no difficulty in believing and I had a secret feeling which answered you need not wish to get hold of me again for you will be likely to come off worse in a second fight than you did in the first well my dear reader this battle with Mr. Covey undignified as it was and as I fear my narration of it is was the turning point in my life as a slave it rekindled in my breast the smoldering embers of liberty it brought up my Baltimore dreams and revived a sense of my own manhood I was a change being after that fight I was nothing before I was a man now it recalled to life my crushed self-respect and my self-confidence and inspired me with a renewed determination to be a free man a man without force is without the essential dignity of humanity human nature so constituted that it cannot honor a helpless man although it can pity him and even this it cannot do long if the signs of power do not arise he only can understand the effect of this combat on my spirit who has himself incurred something hazarded something in repelling the unjust and cruel passions of a tyrant Covey was a tyrant and a cowardly one with all after resisting him I felt as I had never felt before it was a resurrection from the dark and pastiferous tomb of slavery to the heaven of comparative freedom I was no longer a servile coward trembling under the frown of a brother worm of the dust but my long cowed spirit was roused to an attitude of manly independence I reached at which I was not afraid to die this spirit made me a free man in fact while I remained a slave in form when a slave cannot be flogged he is more than half free he has a domain as broad as his own manly heart to defend and he is really a power on earth while slaves prefer their lives with flogging to instant death they will always find Christians enough like Covey to accommodate that preference from this time until that of my escape from slavery I was never fairly whipped several attempts were made to whip me but they were always unsuccessful bruises I did get as I shall hereafter inform the reader but the case I have been describing was the end of the brutification to which slavery had subjected me the reader will be glad to know why after I had so grievously offended Mr. Covey he did not have me taken in hand by the authorities and by the law of Maryland which assigns hanging to the slave who resists his master was not put in force against me at any rate why I was not taken up as as usual in such cases and publicly whipped for an example to other slaves and as a means of deterring me from committing the same offense again I confess that the easy manner in which I got off was for a long time a surprise to me and I cannot even now fully explain how I can venture to suggest is the fact that Covey was probably ashamed to have it known and confessed that he had been mastered by a boy of sixteen Mr. Covey enjoyed the unbounded and very valuable reputation of being a first rate overseer and Negro breaker by means of this reputation he was able to procure his hands for very trifling compensation and with very great ease his interest in the wisdom of passing the matter by in silence the story that he had undertaken to whip Aladdin had been resisted was of itself sufficient to damage him for his bearing should in the estimation of slaveholders be of that imperial order that should make such an occurrence impossible I jubbed from these circumstances that Covey deemed it best to give me the go by it is perhaps not altogether creditable to my natural temper that after this with Mr. Covey I did at times purposely aim to provoke him to an attack by refusing to keep with the other hands in the field but I could never bully him to another battle I made at my mind to do him serious damage if he ever again attempted to lay violent hands on me a redditary bondman no ye not who would be free themselves must strike the blow end of chapter 17