 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the Heart. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, please tell me you're not doing this with a man. Please. Please. Really quickly, if you're new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button. Hit the bell so you can be notified of new content. These are my weekend videos I shoot out on my balcony. Similar to the videos I shoot in my private group called Midlife Love Mastery. Check out the link below. It's a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis and I shoot videos based on your questions in the private group. So check out the link below. Alright guys, please tell me you're not doing this with a man or man. Alright, look it. If you're single and looking for love or you're in a relationship, I'm going to assume that you're following my channel because you'd either like to improve your existing relationship or you'd like to find a great guy. Because wouldn't it be great to be in what I always affectionately term a juicy, delicious, healthy relationship? Yeah. That's what we, I mean, for those who are genuinely, sincerely from the heart wanting to connect with another human being, they do it with a level of intentionality, a level of consciousness, a level of awareness. And yet sadly, most people are dating unconscious, unaware. They're like zombies out there because they haven't really studied human behavior, haven't studied the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. And this is what I lean into so frequently in my videos. Because literally here, I can only speak in the United States. We've adopted this philosophy, if you will. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me to feel good about myself. And it pains me to watch women do this one thing over and over and over again. And that is lamenting over a guy who's not interested in you. Let me repeat that. And I use the term lamenting over a guy versus, because in many of your cases, it's, but I love him, but I love him, but I love him. But if we go deeper under the surface of what's really going on, it may not actually be love. And that's what I want to talk about today. So if you're not familiar with the work of Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, this book is called Attached. Now what this book talks about is what's known as love attachment style. Love attachment style. And once you read this book or you find out some of the details in the book, we oftentimes choose people in our lives. We become attached to people in our lives that are actually reliving some childhood imprinting we have. And the imprinting can either be what's known as anxious or avoidant. And eventually, a person may become secure, but most it's rare that someone has been imprinted in what's called secure attachment style. It might be anxious, which is needy or avoidant, which might seem like emotionally unavailable. So when you understand why this happens, you can start to distance yourself when you're attached to a guy. Now there's another thing that's happening. Remember I mentioned human behavior here because it's not always about biology. It's not about a man's testosterone level and a woman's estrogen level and oxytocin and everything. There's some other things going on in there. And that's also that's known as the Amago, the Amago. And Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt wrote a book called Getting the Love You Want, Getting the Love You Want. And what it explains is we oftentimes choose partners that are very familiar to one of our parents. And if we had trauma or wounds in our childhood, we oftentimes choose to relive that experience to heal something that's happened with one or both of our parents. So this explains why oftentimes, for example, women choose men who are like their father, especially if they had an emotionally unavailable father because they're trying to relive, they're trying to not intentionally relive, but it's because it's both familiar and there's a need to heal this relationship. So I say, please stop doing this with men. And what I'm really talking about is stop giving your power away. Please stop giving your power away. And this is why I wrote my book What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway? What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway? It's a journey of personal development, self-help, and spiritual work because ladies, hold on a second. By the way, my t-shirt says humankind be both and my mug says swear a little, you'll feel better. I'm not going to swear on my weekend videos. If you want good swearing, come to my live videos that I do three times a week. All right, but going back to self-love and I know, listen, you've heard this before and before and before. You have to love yourself before you can love another and you know, how can you love, give love from an overflown cup. What's most important is that you work on yourself because when you give your power away to someone else and you make your happiness predicated on someone else, it's going to be unfulfilled because it's impossible for someone else to fill our own cup. And if we have wounds and traumas that have been unhealed, it can make the dating process very dysfunctional. This is why so many people are bouncing around off of each other because we have so many people that haven't healed from the inside out trying to get the healing from another human being. And that's really what's most important here is don't make your happiness predicated on someone else. Please don't do that. Don't give your power away. Take your power back. I highly recommend, there's a link below to Jonathan recommends books. It gives you opportunity to check out some great information to help you from the inside out. Because when you're loving on yourself, it doesn't matter what happens out in the dating realm because the best relationship you're ever going to have is the relationship with yourself. And as Esther Perrell says, the quality of our life is predicated on the relationships we have. So start with a great relationship with yourself. And that's human. That's kind. And you can be both. Alright, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this video. Please post a comment below. If you have a question, post it below. If you want to join my group, check out the link. And I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to a pet or a teddy bear or a pillow or a pet or a friend a pet and give them or it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye bye now.