 65M The Jack Fendi Program, presented by Lucky Strike. You see, only fine tobacco gives you both perfect mildness and rich taste. And LSMFT Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. And Friends, the beautiful new Lucky Strike Christmas cartons specially designed for Lucky Strike by Rayman Loi make wonderful Christmas gifts. They're so bright and gay, no additional wrapping is necessary. Yes, for the gift that will bring deep down smoking enjoyment to all your friends. Give Christmas cartons of lucky strike, fun and relaxation. Every morning he can be seen playing golf at the O'Donnell golf course. Yesterday I was too under par. Every afternoon he can be seen playing tennis at the Biltmore. My back hand is sensational. And every evening he can be seen playing his violin on stake with Mexicali Rose. Backbending tumbling, I mean talking. And Don, you should have seen me on that golf course yesterday. On the first hole I had a terrible slice, but I made a terrific recovery when I sunk a 30-foot putt. Oh, Jack, I think that's wonderful. Well, so did I until I found out it was an open manhole. Rochester, watching for it at El Segundo. You mentioned I play tennis every afternoon. You must have seen me at the Biltmore. Oh, I did, Jack. And I want to congratulate you for finally staying at such a beautiful place. Well, Don, I'm not exactly staying at the Biltmore. You see, I only play tennis there. I have a very comfortable room at the El Pocho Motel. It's right near... Oh, no, no, no, no. Not that joint. There. Somebody was talking to you. I know, Jackson, but when you mentioned the El Pocho, my hair's straightened and I'm a tight curl man. Ada Crumb joined like that. I never heard of the El Pocho. Well, where is it? Well, Don, do you know where the desert retreat is? Yeah. Well, the El Pocho is where it retreated from. The El Pocho may not be swanky, but it's comfortable. I'll admit that my room doesn't have electricity or running water. No electricity or running water? Well, Jack, on these chilly nights, do you have heat? No, no, but if I get in bed by eight o'clock, it's still warm from the fellow who just got out. That is, I think it's a fellow. I left a note in one of the booths. They were so daty and fatigued. They must have known. Oh, hello, Jack. Hello, everybody. Oh, hello, Matt. Can sit down now. Phil, let's have a band now. Wait a minute, Jackson. You didn't even give Livy a chance to do her routine. She comes in, says, hello, and you push your way from the microphone. Phil, I know what I'm doing. Let's have a band now. Jack, you're not pushing Mary for that little mistake that she made on last week's program. Pushing, did you? That's punishing. That's punishing Mary. Now, wait a minute. What did our little Livy do? I'll tell you what she did. Phil, it happened after you left to do your own show. You remember that part last Sunday when I ran my car into a gas station and hit another car while it was up on a grease rack? Yeah? What was supposed to say to me? Jack, how could you possibly hit a car that was up on a grease rack? That's all she was supposed to say. How could you possibly hit a car that was up on a grease rack? Well, what did she say? Phil, if I told you the mistake she made, you wouldn't believe me, so I brought a record along. Fellas, put that record on the one I gave you last week's show. Now, listen to this, Phil. I think the way I've got the interview is all right. I think people will be interested in the way I found Rochester. Well, I think so, but Jack, how could you possibly hit a car that was up on the grease rack? That's enough. That's enough. How do you like that? Gras-reak. What kind of a word is that? Oh, Jack, anybody can... Mary, get away from the microphone. Oh, but Jack, me. Just when I'm getting over, chiss-swee sandwich, you come up with a new one. I bought a cheer up, Libby. So you made a little mistake. Next week, before we go on the air, I will personally go over the script with you. Please, Phil, I'm in enough trouble. Yeah, look who's going to show her how to read. Phil, you can't even write your own name. So what? So what do you do when you have to sign a check? The same as you would. Take a little Novocaine. A snappy retort coming from a man whose eyes stick out like the taillights on a Greyhound bus. Wait a minute, Mexicali Rose. I don't think that was a very nice thing to say to a man who's tapering off. Tapering off? I certainly am tapering off. You just can't stop in midstream. You got to drag your anchor a bit. And it wasn't easy. When I got the Palm Springs last Wednesday, I made up my mind that each day I was going to drink a little less. And I stuck to it. As a matter of fact, today is my fifth day. Really? Yep. Today I'm down to a fifth. And you used to spill that much. Yeah, it sure is exciting here in Las Vegas. Well, say, Mr. Benny, would you give me a dollar's worth of nickels? What do you want nickels for? Well, I've been playing those slot machines, and one of them is about to pay off soon. What slot machines? They're all over the place. They're lined up on both sides of the street. Those are parking! Gee, and I thought the fellow playing the one next to me won a Cadillac. Girl in it, yes. You have to. Fortunately, you threw me off the program. Oh, yes. Now go over in the corner and say grease rack 50 times. Then you can come back. Oh, all right. Grass reed. Say, Dennis, where are you staying down here? Oh, I'm at the El Pocho Motel. The El Pocho? Dennis, that's where I'm staying. What room are you in? 24. 24? I'm in that room, too. Cute note you left in my cowboy boot. Hey, Jackson told us about that. Read us that note, kid. Dennis. Oh, come on now, Dennis. Read the note Jack wrote. Okay. You and I have never met. To me, you are a stranger. But I'm carefree as a desert breeze and would like a little danger. Then a writer. All right, Dennis. Come on. Let's have your song. Okay. I'm sitting around the house. I wasn't doing anything. I've been like doing anything. Just sitting around. So the doctor sent you to Palm Springs to rest? Can't take too much of the desert. But you, you can stay out in the hot sun as long as you want. It won't even hurt you a bit. I didn't think you had enough money to come to Palm Springs. But here you are. You even have a new suit on. Where are you living? At Bullock's. That's a department store. I don't care where it is. They're very proud of me. Proud of you at Bullock's? Yeah. I was just standing around. The doctor told me to relax. So I wasn't even moving a muscle. Uh-huh. All of a sudden the guy come over, put this suit on me, picked me up, put my hand on my hip and stuck me in a window. In a window? So I gotta go now, Mr. Benny. I'm getting married this afternoon. No. Stuffing this new suit. I propose to a girl standing. Don't tell me she said yes. Then a auntie who dressed up like Auntie and gave us a present like he always does. But Johnny McGee, when he sat on his knee, tried to pull off his whiskers to see who it was. I'm not angry. I'll take you to dinner at the dunes. And tomorrow morning, I'll take you on a breakfast ride. Oh, fine. Remember that last breakfast ride? What was it, Barry? Somebody dropped an egg. Jack saw the yolk, thought it was gold. And before we could stop him, he dug a hole 30 feet deep. A new 1950 version of Murder at the Racket Club. I will play the part of Captain O'Berry. And, Mary, you will... Oh, for heaven's sake, come in. Mr. Benny, I'm Gus Kettman, the Palm Springs Chief of Police. What do you want to see me about, Chief Kettman? It's about those sketches you do here in Palm Springs. You mean Murder at the Racket Club? Yes. Why must these murders always take place at the Racket Club? Well, we get a better class of bodies that way. You don't object to our doing these plays, do you? No, but it might leave the wrong impression. There's probably never been a murder at the Racket Club. Probably. You mean you're the Chief of Police and you don't know? They won't let me in there. I wish you'd mentioned my name to the owner, Charlie Farrell, the star of Seventh Heaven. Well, I will, but why do you object to my doing murder mysteries? Don't you ever have murders here? Very rarely. We only have minor troubles, like this morning. We had to chase a skunk that was running around on someone's lawn. Oh, did you finally get the skunk off the lawn? Yes, but boy, did that grass reek. We're going to do our sketch, and don't worry, Chief. I won't embarrass you. But how can you be a police officer? You don't even know how to handle a gun. What's so difficult about handing a gun? There's a lot to it. Here, I'll show you. Well, Chief, Chief, don't point that gun at me. It might go off. Don't worry. It's loaded with dates. Whenever I get hungry, I play Russian roulette. You sit down and listen while we do the sketch, and I promise I won't embarrass you. Okay. Now, come on, let's get on with the play. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we present our 1950 version of murder at the Racket Club or get a load of those prices. I'm in the office of Captain O'Benney of the Palm Springs Contire Country, and do you know why it's so popular? No television. Well, I know that, Captain, and I'm doing my best to keep it clean. Why, only yesterday, I closed up a nightclub that had a naughty floor show. They featured a girl dancer doing the bumps. The bumps? And what did you say to her? I said, get out of here with that. I need to pack a pickle peppers. Casting, casting. Don't worry about the mistakes now. What do you want? Well, listen, Chief, this is Mitzy LaRue, and I'd like to report a murder. A murder? Who was killed? A Townsend T. Fletcher. Rich Andy Devine. It happened by the pool at three o'clock this afternoon. Three o'clock this afternoon, eh? Was the murder man shot? Uh-uh. Poisoned? Uh-uh. Strangled? Uh-uh. And how did he die? The sun went down and he froze to death. Murder? It isn't. No. Are you happy now? I'll be right over and I want to talk to you, so you wait there. I can't. Why not? Because last night, one of your cops said something to me. What did he say? Get out of here with that. And don't come back tomorrow. Fine that. You wait there. Now I really want to see you. Goodbye. Goodbye. Come on, men. We got to rush over to the racket club. And I'll solve this murder club. Now where's the body? Here I am, Chiefy. I mean the dead one. But here a minute ago, it must have disappeared during the excitement. What excitement? A few minutes ago, I stunk round across the lawn into that grease rack. I can look for the body. Come on, men. Well, just a second, Captain O'Venny. I'm playing ping-pong. Point for me. O'Day, who are you playing with? Nobody. This wind is terrific. Aside with me. Far with me. Yes, sir. Captain O'Venny, Chief of Police. Who are you? I'm the lifeguard here at the racket club. Oh, well, if you were the lifeguard, you must have been at the pool when the murder took place. Oh, not necessarily. They have 26 lifeguards here. But you only have one pool. How come you have so many lifeguards? Well, Mr. Ferrell don't let nobody drown till they pay that bill. That would be taken the easy way out. Now get out of here with that for this place. And I'll solve this murder if the $95 prison Hollywood all day doing retakes on 7th Heaven. That was made nearly 20 years ago. How come you're still doing retakes? I've got a lousy agent. I want this great. What do you know about the murder? Well, I didn't do it, I tell you. I couldn't have done it. I wouldn't have done it even if I could. I'm not the type to commit murder. I'm not a murderer. I tell you, I'm not. You did it. I know, but I love to act. Oh, I wish you wouldn't. If I arrested, it would be the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me in all my 39 years. You say you're 39. Look at your hair. It's gray. I know, but it's mine. And then here comes someone who looks suspicious. Where? It's barging in here ruining my sketch. Well, that's the most insulting thing that's ever been said to me in all my 39 years. I like this. Play, Phil. Everybody be happy. Go lucky and let's join in a gay costume party. Lucky Strike. With every puff, you'll always enjoy perfect mildness. In fact, sign three independent consulting laboratories prove Lucky Strike is milder than any other principal brand. And puff after puff, you'll enjoy the full rich taste of truly fine tobacco. Because LSMFT, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. And remember, Lucky Strike Christmas cartons, specially designed by the famous Raymond Loy, are a perfect way to say Merry Christmas. Put Lucky Strike Christmas cartons on your shopping list today. Chief Kepman, how'd you like our little sketch? It was quite good, Jack. And on behalf of the Palm Springs Police Force, I'd like to present you with this. Well, a ticket. I was double parked. Tanner, I want to thank you for dropping in on my program. That's all right, Jack. I was glad to do it. Is there anything you'd like to say before we leave? Yes. Good night, Ida. Good night, Marilyn. Good night, Janet. Good night, Natalie. Good night, Edna. Good night, Marjorie. Good night, Jerome. Good night, Jerome. I never give up. Oh, peace of mind, it was played by Frankie Fontaine. Thank you for the endless manly show. We'll follow him immediately. This is Sylvia. It's the Columbia Broadcasting System.