 Well hello and welcome to Jonathan from the Heart. I'm Jonathan Asley at JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this short video for you today. Our topic 99% of men respect women who know this. All right really quickly if you're brand new to my YouTube channel please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos and if any time during this video the content resonates with you please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Lastly these are my weekend videos I shoot out on my balcony very similar to the videos I shoot in my private group called Midlife Love Mastery. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis and based on the questions you write in the group I shoot personalized videos just for you. So check out the link below to my VIP group. All right let's talk about respect and let's face it I think respect is one of the fundamentals of a healthy happy relationship to feel respected because there's nothing worse than feeling disrespected and it seems today that in the dating realm a lot of disrespect is happening on both sides whether it's men and women alike. I think women can disrespect men and men can disrespect women and it's a shame that people aren't starting with a level of integrity in the early stages of dating and as if you've been watching my channel you know I'm your big brother I wish I could be there for you on a first date with my shotgun pointing it at the guy's head going what are your real intentions because wouldn't it be great to know someone is genuine and that they're serious and they want a fully committed relationship early in the process. Well we're gonna lean into that in a moment. Here's the thing earlier this morning I was watching a video from one of my contemporaries talking about how men love the chase they love the pursuit and that you're going to you know play games to keep him chasing you to keep him dating you to withhold sex and those sorts of things because that makes a man that hooks a man but does that really make a man respect you when you're playing games when you're using arousal techniques when you're using sex as a weapon I am not a big proponent of that whatsoever I'm a big proponent of showing up as your authentic self in the right from the beginning right from the first date showing up as your authentic self and yet sadly sadly most people don't they're more operated from this is true of men and women like they operate from what they can get instead of what they can give and here's the thing about respect emotionally unhealthy men people that are emotional train wrecks can't respect another human being because they can barely respect themselves they can barely respect themselves and I know this person firsthand because I've been there and I will tell you that dating triggers the number one emotion the number one emotional health issue that's facing almost everybody and that is I'm not good enough I'm not lovable and I'm not likable and as I said I know this from personal experience because after my divorce when I went back out on out out looking for a mate and I will never forget in my right when I you know got divorced and I joined one of the dating sites actually it was yahoo personals and AOL personals does anyone remember that actually they got bought up by match.com and my first year after my divorce I just thought it was easy you could simply plug in exactly what you want and someone magically would appear and I went on one date and another date and another date and another date and I think in a year I had over a hundred first dates and I'm I look back now and I'm like what the heck was going on with me and why I'm sharing this with you is because I was a train wreck after my divorce I was an emotional basket case not just because of the divorce but I also went through some major job issues in my life I was I had lost my quarter million dollar a year job the market crash of 2008 happened and I got wiped out in the market crash and I was using two things as my drug of choice I was using cocaine and alcohol quite frankly to numb the pain and the other numbing of the pain was online dating it was meeting new people and why I'm sharing this with you is met and by the way I met some beautiful wonderful women and I don't mean beautiful from the from a physical standpoint I mean a beautiful heart and I want to share something with you many of you women out there is that you're these beautiful human beings and you see men who are absolutely dysfunctional absolutely dysfunctional and you figure well I can heal him I can save him because you see the good qualities in him too and and not to suggest that I was a bad person during this time I was so numb to the pain of what was going on in my life that the drug of choice was dating now why am I sharing this with you because this is a significant percentage of the population who's in the dating realm especially in midlife and if you're in midlife it's after baby making years and before retirement and I was right at that cusp of it right at age 40 I was going through my midlife crisis and so many men and women are going through this midlife crisis that makes it very difficult for them to actually lean into a relationship and lean into respecting another human being and as I said before if someone can't respect themselves how can you ever respect them as well and how can they respect you now here's one of the challenges I see in the dating realm today is there's there's basically three types of women three types of women and please forgive me this sounds like a judgment yet I I witness this over and over and over again there's what I call the entitled woman this is the woman who thinks her shit doesn't stink and please forgive me for that one on my weekend videos I do not curse but she thinks her stuff doesn't stink you know she acts from princess energy it's all about what she can get instead of what she can give and um in fact let me give you an example of this I was I was reading a blog the other day about how one woman was saying if a man doesn't pay for my valet after a date I'd never see him again and I'm thinking to myself what an entitled attitude she was operating from a place of what she can get instead of operating from a place of what she can give now sadly there's another type of woman I call it the doormat type of woman and I please forgive me for that analogy and why I'm sharing this with you is that's a woman who's an over giver she's just giving giving over giving to the point of where it's a complete imbalance in the relationship because deep inside she wants to be loved now let me say this everybody deep down inside wants to be loved the sad part is many people aren't capable of actually loving another human being and if you're over giving in relationship oftentimes you have this martyr attitude is I gave I gave I gave or the doormat doesn't even have their own value within themselves but I mean their own self word self reliance self esteem self love and those of you know me I wrote a book what the heck is self love anyway what the heck is self love anyway it's a journey of personal development self open spiritual work so you actually can show up not as a doormat and not as entitled but and what I'm about to share with you next and by the way there's a link below to get my book what I'm about to share next is where I want everyone to aspire to be and that is in a place of being a secure human being a secure human being an empowered human being where it's not based on gender roles in the dating practice but it's actually coming from a heart centered place because this is where we're going to start leaning into how to generate true respect with another human being and if you're not familiar with this book I love love love this book it's called if the buddha dated if the buddha dated and why I love this book it throws out the gender narratives of expectation based way of dating and actually coming at it from a more heart centered space a more heart centered space now I know it's tough for many of you out there because you've subscribed to the oldest myth of all and that is chemistry equals relationship success I'm going to repeat that you've subscribed to the myth that chemistry equals relationship success and if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg here it is okay and above the waterline it says the word attraction and you can see the tip of the iceberg is chemistry it's the first thing we see so we're hyper focused on the first thing we see and if you look below the waterline you can read the word compatibility and you can see it says shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity these are the more significant pieces to be aware of when it comes to actually developing genuine respect for one another because you going back to what my my contemporary was sharing all about it was literally them about men chasing sex and I know that the men have this belief that through sex they will find love and yet deep down they don't find love that way they find an orgasm that way they don't find love that way and nor do you find love that way and what I'm here to say is we need I'd like to encourage everyone to stop hyper focusing on the chemistry piece and start looking at the bigger picture because that's what matters most and if you're not familiar with my emotional maturity relationship skills chart and by the way at the bottom you can say this is not a fact it's an opinion but I believe roughly 20 of the population has clinical issues they are borderline they're they're passive aggressive they're bipolar or they're narcissistic or worse sociopath now this is just my opinion and as you can see over here it says healthy it says 20% and I'm being ridiculously generous when I say healthy is 20% of the population emotional skills and relationship skills it's probably closer to 3% and everybody else is in the dysfunctional phase so why am I sharing all this with you why how does this relate to respect I said sex by the way my coffee mug says to choose joy today and my t-shirt says humankind being both and that's what we're going to lean into today is about being human and being kind because ultimately I gotta read my notes here what did I say here emotionally healthy men respect women who genuinely want to understand them I'm repeat that men respect emotionally healthy men respect women who want to understand them that come from a curious mind that come from a place of curiosity and understanding now I was gonna say that men feel respected when they're accepted for who they are and I'm a big believer I've accepting people for who they are and at the same time I do believe relationships are an opportunity for two people to grow together to go to grow together and co-create a relationship and at the same time what most couples truly neglect to do in the dating mating or relating process is actually truly get to know one another to actually really understand one another to really understand what makes them tick and there's a new book I want to introduce you all to and I'm just got this so I'm just starting to read it it's called I hear you I hear you the surprising simple skills behind extraordinary relationships this is all about understanding your partner this is all about being curious this is all about creating deeper intimacy with one another if you're not familiar with intimacy intimacy means into me you see into me you see and when couples reach a level of intimacy together they create a very strong bond with one another and through that bond they genuinely respect one another they come from a heart centered space of respecting one another now in a previous video I talked about the four questions to improve your relationship I want to share those with you today just to give you some examples of how to build that deeper connection with another person and let me just say this this isn't for those surface relationships this isn't for those relationships where all you do is talk talk talk on the phone or your text text text text text text it's not built for those relationships what I'm about to share with you this is for those relationships where they are actively engaged in with one another they through social activities hobbies mutual interest they spend time with family and friends they've already beginning the emotional intimacy along with the physical intimacy in the relationship because here's the thing men are craving to be with partners that they can feel safe with just like you women are craving to be with men that you feel safe with both in the physical world and in the emotional world we men feel the same desire that desire to feel emotionally safe because the fact of the matter is most men are midlife are going through emotional chaos in their life because they're just starting to tap into their feelings because partly because their testosterone levels begin to decrease and their estrogen levels increase and what happens is it clashes right there and we're in absolute confusion this is why ladies I continually say you are the emotional leaders of the relationship not men and let me just also add you are in charge of your relationship destiny do not give that job to a guy you are in charge of your relationship destiny so how do we do this how do we gain deeper intimacy with another is is by leading by example leading by example so I'm about to share with you four great questions to ask and again this is tied to a video I just did the four questions to ask your relationship and I'm going to pull up my trusty notes and I love this because it comes from a curious place it comes from a desire to understand your partner and so number one in what way can I improve upon as a partner what way can I improve upon as a partner now let me just say this this isn't a one-sided conversation this is about both of you communicating with each other and how you can improve your relationship together it builds a dialogue with one another at a deeper level instead of this surface level how's your day going did you have a good day I hope you had a good day by the way I hope you have a blessed day I mean most people all they talk about is having a good day in their text messaging and they're not going any deeper and partly it's because most men and women don't understand the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship and if you're not familiar with the book Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman I highly recommend getting this before you have sex with a guy and quite frankly I want to encourage each of you when two people like each other if two people genuinely like each other then go down the path of reading this book together they are eight separate conversations to determine if you're actually compatible with one another do you share the same values are your lifestyles blendable and it'll help you assess their emotional maturity because critically speaking emotional maturity is the most important piece it's not about chasing and capturing and creating tension the most important piece in a relationship are you with somebody else that's emotionally mature and has good relationship skills and by having these conversations to understand one another a man will genuinely respect you he might end the relationship he'll end the relationship because he respects you and you want that you don't want to be with someone who's not capable of going into deeper intimacy so I'll share with you those three other questions really quickly the second question is do you have any needs that you feel are being neglected because here's the thing ladies and gentlemen each person's needs might be different so ask what needs might need to be addressed sooner rather than later instead of this fantasy way of dating so many of you are suckling on and the third question is there's something I've done that you still feel hurt over what do you need from me to help you heal because oftentimes we don't know if someone has a bug up their butt over something that's happened so it's time to discuss these things and lastly what can I do to help you feel more loved and let me be clear about this I am saying that the both of you should be discussing this together and at the same time I invite you to lead by example because guys aren't thinking about this stuff it is listen I understand this stuff because I study it day in and day out very few men by these books very few men by these books they're purchased by you ladies so I'm here to suggest is what are you going to do with this wealth of knowledge you're just going to sit back in your feminine energy and just hope to be claimed by the guy like really how well does that work yeah it might work temporarily especially if you use the game playing techniques taught by the book the rules and other things and I'm big proponent of some of the fundamental principles of self-worth self-confidence self-esteem self-love you all know that I am all a big proponent of being in your empowered energy and at the same time don't play games because if you genuinely want a man an emotionally healthy man to respect you and let me be clear emotionally unhealthy men don't respect themselves just like when I was a train wreck I didn't respect myself so how can I respect another it requires that level of emotional maturity to actually lean into and men who have leaned into and improve their relationship skills and their emotional maturity want to open up at an intimate level and you can simply with this little key open the door and it's going to open up to a great opportunity for a healthy juicy delicious healthy happy relationship are you with me I hope you are all right I'd like to hear your thoughts on this please post a comment below if there's something you'd like to add or share I do my best to read all of the questions or the comments below all right I think this would be a great place oh by the way check out my link to my book below check out my link to a free discovery call with me check out my membership group called midlife love mastery all the links below and join me on Instagram as well all right I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self-love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to a friend a pet a teddy bear or a pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it we could all use more love in our lives thanks a bunch bye bye now bye