 It is a big pleasure to be with you again today on this fine Thursday morning. My name is Ram Magukwo. It is a pleasure. And of course, thank you so much for being part of Y-254. This is Power Talk. We are coming to you live from the broadcasting house here in Nairobi, Kenya, where we are streaming live through our website. That's at www.kbc.co.ke4 slash Y-254. And of course, we are happy that you are glad, you know, we are happy that I'm glad that you are with us today on this particular program. Remember, a repeat of this show as again tonight and every Thursday at 10 pm. Now, this is part two of last week's conversation. Today it's all about understanding relationship red flags part two. And as we did it again last week, we are going to do it again today. I am with to my extreme right Apostle Prince Isaac C.A.O. Maksaki, the lead pastor of R.W.E.M.I. Church in Ruiru. Thank you, sir. Today you have mentioned it so nice. How can you feel? How can you feel? That's not a red flag. And next to me, I am with Violet Mumbi. She is an actress and a property advisor. Kambizana Violet. Thank you so much, Ram. Looking stunning today. Thank you so much. Kambizana, see you red flag. Dressing well is not a red flag. Yes. All right. And the hashtag is part of show at Ram Aguko and at Y-254 channel. We value your feedback. Engage with us. Let us know where you're watching us from. And of course I shall sample your feedback a bit later on during this particular morning show. Red flags part 2. And this is Power Talk. Sazna, let me start with you Apostle. Last week we covered quite a lot, but still we did not even touch on so many things yet. And today we want to touch on this particular aspect now. Let's get into marriage. Last week we were talking about before, as you go on a date before marriage, now we are in a marriage set up. From day one, it doesn't matter regardless of the number of times or number of days you've been together, there can be red flags even in a marriage set up. Yes. What are some of them and of course give us your opening remarks. Talk about that generally in terms of the marriage set up as a whole before I come to you Violet. Generally, I want to say thank you also for this opportunity. My fans of, oh my goodness, everybody let us send in those questions. I'm telling you, we are ready for them like never before. Shalene, thank you. Now, they are red flags in even a marriage set up. And I can mention this one as a first one, number one, when you are being boomed by love, too much love, oh, you know that song that they sing too much. Too much love. Yeah, too much excess love, too much excess love. It's always a red flag, think twice. So somebody loving you a lot is a bad thing? Somebody loving you excessively, extremely. There are things they are hiding behind the curtain. Ah, human beings. When somebody loves you, nimbaya. When somebody doesn't nimbaya, what do you want? What is the problem here? What do you mean, don't say too much? Be very you, be very you. Just be you. Be yourself. Be yourself. Be you. Yeah. Be you. Do you. Don't take the soap operas kind of realities and bring it into your own setup. Don't be a Romeo. Just be Isaac. You can't say all this, you can't do all that. Just be you. Let this woman know you as you. Let this husband know you as you. But still you're saying they should not love you too much. Too much, I mean, I mean there is that extreme that is not real. It's an extreme that is not real. It is excess, but it's not real. All right. Hava, let's claim come to red flags in maori. Do you believe that they are there, that they can be there? And what are some of them that you've seen so far? Do you agree with what he's saying? I highly agree with what he's saying about the idea of being too good to be true. Yes. Yeah. You're showing too much love and that to me it may mean one thing or another. There's something you're hiding behind the too much love you're giving. Yes. So sometimes if you see someone, I mean Badilika Kidogo, they are showing some different type of thing you're not used to. Now that's when you say, this is too much. Or maybe they have good intentions or not, but it's good to be very careful and be on the lookout to know if this person is being too good or is it just them? That is how they are. Now let's give a disclaimer in this particular part now that you've given your opening remarks in regards to this. Yes. This is a marriage setup. Yes. It's not like last week we were talking about marriage. Yes. Those are not yet married. Those are still dating. Yes. Quoting. Now this is a marriage setup. Yes. When you talk about red flags, are we advising divorce? No. We are not advising divorce. It is against even the laws of the nature of the world, even of the land. It's against. Divorce is something not permitable. It's totally, it's totally a no goes on. It's, it's better you stop going to marriage before than getting into that marriage and get divorced. And here we are talking about red flags in marriage. In marriage. Now you are now in marriage. The only problem that we touched on last time is that most of the people are carried up with the boombaring of love. They are taken over and you see they are now they walk into this class called love is blind and so in the blindness of love, they find themselves falling into some ditches that they didn't really want to know about. Please, this brother before, this sister before, please, can you just get to know them? Leave alone the fancy show, the fancy outing, the fancy everything. Now that now you are in marriage, be real, real to me as a wife, real to me as a husband. Because in real sense, you'll find you loved me or I loved you as a wife, and as a husband. And when we get into the house, I realize you are not that kind of a person. You don't like even washing. When we were talking, you told me love washing. Yes. You don't like cooking. And when we were talking, you told me my goodness, the day you will taste my food, you will know that there is a queen in the house. Vashti has gone and Esther has come. You know, you will put all this kind. And now when the reality comes, it's a mess. Kwa ground ni different. Kwa ground ni different. Now there is where we now advise, please, if this one comes to this level, attach yourself or talk to people who have gone through it, bring this person into a reality check. Talk to them, let them come out real. Because apuwa li kudanganya wakuwekenda ni a box. Now that you are in marriage and you have seen this is a really dangerous red flag. You need somebody to come and help you in it. So you had asked about if there are some red flags in marriage. Yes, the red flags are there, but you are not asked to leave your marriage the moment you see red flags. There are ways of approaching these red flags. And every problem that is there, it's good that we always look for ways to solve the problems. So for example, one of the red flags I usually see in most marriage, it is the anger management issues. You see, that would go further to emotional abuse, physical abuse, because once someone is not able to manage their anger, because you don't expect to be happy with someone from January to December, they will always be fights, they will always be arguments, they will always be issues. So it will take a very emotional, a very mature person to be able to solve these anger problems or arguments. So in other words, what you are talking about in this conversation today and I love how you are bringing it out because you are saying last week conversation it's all about those who are dating. So you have the ability to opt out. But in today's conversation, those who are married, so you don't have the ability to opt out. The only ability you have is to get a solution. Yes, to get a solution. Get a solution. Yes, because there are always ways to approach these red flags. And number one ways of approaching, because there are so many red flags, number one thing you can do to approach these red flags in a good way is communication. Communication and also seeking advice, seeking for counseling, because you need to understand your person much better. So if there are anger management issues which is one of the red flags in a relationship, go talk to a counselor or even go talk to a, or talk to your husband or wife or your spouse, ask them what are the things that you feel when I do to you una kasi rika, what can I, because you know, anger management issues in the zinaleta, if you look at what is happening today, there are a lot of killings in relationships honestly Ram. There are a lot of murder cases. Abuse. The abuse days, physical fights. They are, most of the killings by the way, according to me, I feel like zinaleta una relationships, unhealthy relationships. So what we advise people is to communicate. You know, maybe someone at a chapu kukwa nyumba and they just go and close themselves in the house and be quiet in the house. But why would you do that? Kusaba bila wakati uta kufa, mo uta pigwa or you fight in the house and there'll be no one to help, you can't speak out. There's no justice for people who are many a mtwame kufa, how is he speak out? So we advise people to communicate. That is one way you approach a red flag in a relationship. And that communication is very key. Why? Because there is this thing that has gone to social media, it's a meme. It's going on to social media. There is somebody who is feeding a small lion. You're feeding a small lion with milk. And then the lion starts growing and the lion grows and it grows big. And now you don't feed it. The lion starts feeding on you. So it is dangerous when you know you are feeding a lion and you are still feeding it. It is dangerous when you are feeding your own red flag and giving it opportunity. That is why the communication part is very important. That communication part is very important. Why? Communicate in the morning, communicate during the day, communicate in the afternoon, communicate in the evening. Let your body expression communicate. Any person in marriage who is not communicating, that is a very dangerous red flag. All right, now let us touch on the different aspects and if possible, give solutions where applicable. Exactly. One, we have people in marriage who have a problem when it comes to work, their jobs. Every time this person comes late in the night, is that a red flag? When your husband comes late midnight, 1 a.m., and sometimes it goes to maybe 2 a.m. And maybe once in a while. But some are afraid, they are wondering, could my partner be cheating on me? Doa Rudi Nyumbani, I say me over, I was at work. Getting home late in the night. Let's talk about that. Yes, let me say, it's still on your friends. Daran is a sweet one, I like it. 3 reasons why men go home late. Number one, they are not performance. That is number one. They don't perform. And a man who is not a performer a true performer. I am talking about performance. You know? Glory be to God. Hallelujah. Fill the anointing coming down. Performing. Performance. You make sure that your wife That man will always come home very early. Very early. But a man who is not a performer will always find an excuse To come late. To come late. But where are they going to? They are going now to what we call boys clubs. That's why you find after work because every there is no work, there is no job here in Kenya or in the world that you can work 24 hours or 18 hours or 19 hours or 10, 15 hours. So there is no job that can take somebody till midnight. And even doctors have their own time. They are the most critical ones. They are called doctors on call. But even as they are doctors on call they have left somewhere going somewhere. And when they are done with somewhere they are going back somewhere. Okay quickly. You said they are three. They are three. Number one. Performance. Number two. They are The wife has become a nuisance or the husband has become a nuisance in the such that what they thought she was has just changed all of a sudden. She is an animal. You come back home and you are not treated as the king you are or the queen you are. You are given things. You are being thrown. I recommend you to eat. You don't find food on the table. You don't even find food on the table. She was waiting for you. She could give the children food and wait for you until you come is when she can eat. All right. Number three. Number three. When they are not how can I put it when they are not the role model of their family. When they feel they have lost their they have lost their position of leadership. They have lost their position of influence. Let me come to you. Comment on that particular issue here. Coming late at home. Red flag? That's a red flag. If it's a man who's coming home late. Yes, as a Apostle has said I highly agree with him about there's no job that you'll work 24 hours. If you're working at night in the morning I expect you to be there during the day but if you're someone who's coming home late at night if it happens once in a while that is okay. And as I understand maybe you went somewhere very far away from from work maybe you were not within a ruby that is okay. We'll understand once in a while but if it becomes something that's happening daily daily I'll know there's a problem as a woman, as a lady in the house also ladies honestly if you see your money is anakwa void sana anakataku kuja nyumbani mafema it's good that you communicate to joy if there's an issue with you because sometimes they feel akuna pleasepale nyumbani and you know your house is the only is the only safe having your safe space. Wanoa ka nafiga kelele sana nyumbani? Ya, ata uneza kusaku piga kelele but you are emotionally abusing this person. Ya. Ya, uneza kuwa hau pigi kelele but you have your spouse in the house maybe you have a problem and you're not talking back to them that's bad that one I would not advocate for if someone you have an issue talk about it lakin yuki una the man is coming to the house and they are not talking maybe you have a problem mama nulia menyamaza they don't want to solve their issue no you are emotionally abusing this person how do you feel when you are not talked by someone and you are in the same space so mu na pitan na when the other one is going to the kitchen and the other one is going to the no it's good to ask what is the problem so you'll see this person ata avoi dapo because they want to be in a place or in an environment where people are appreciating them but now still there are some women who also come home late yes yes not just men not just men even women yes so for the for the women also it's still a red flag because if it's this girl's out if you look if you look at your circle and your girl's out mu na if any too sick there's a problem with your circle because what I did it any girl's out fine girl's out is okay but why do it at night why do it later at night if your friends are always having girl's out at night at 12 midnight there's a problem you can have it but have it on Saturdays in the afternoon and go back home and go back home and go back home and go back home so sir if you have to go back home and you have someone in the house waiting for you waiting for you to you know you are married to that person you're not married to these friends alafu dunda why don't you before you ata ufike kwa you marriage what is so new about dunda I mean these things you have done them these things you have done so I don't expect you me giya kwa marriage ya you're itching alafu dunda fanya dunda and you see like the way she's saying she's very right a married man and a married woman their first priority is their heaven is their home first priority and if you find a woman coming home late is because either the three things are happening and the man is not satisfying her and so she's finding pleasure somewhere else and when she's finding pleasure somewhere else these things happen the three things still apply even to a woman so they must they must put in their family a priority if I love for example she's my wife and I love her my goodness I'm always itching like it time in a figure babe niko karibu kutoka nakam you can't wait to go home you can't wait to go home because it's hours and many now in cases where families because I'm sure there is someone who is married who is going through this yes you are going through a particular scenario where or season in life where you no longer find it interesting to go back home I was kidding in the figure time yoku na nyuma lekin wa ah badawa chani kunyo insa hibu sa samba le nyumbani kuna shida because that place is your first is the first place udafu kutua stress in fact when you're going out nuku na fata stress inje not the other way around not the other way around so kipata you know there is so much happening in this world today there is so much stress at work yes there is so much stress with our with our friends so when you go out there coming back home should be the place where you relieve all that stress but kikua ni mahali una rudi and even the stress is more then that is not good and how do we approach some of these things you try and talk it out you try and lay everything on the table communication is key ask them why they are coming home late yes no actually you may not be that direct but first what is the problem let's start with the problem seta kumbia nili kua kazi mimi na na fana kazi na nukulipi wewa na wa toto na rent na school fees that's why I'm coming home late why can't you understand that that's the answer you will get you will not get that answer from a true man you'll never get that answer from a fake one who has a big red flag you'll get that kind of answer why because they are now starting to manipulate you that is manipulation so somebody who is lying will say that yes somebody who is lying who is a manipulator a dictator will now start that one to cover it up to cover it up so that now the woman now may now shrink and now totally become dependent on the man on the man now a good relationship is the relationship that makes the woman independent and the man independent and when they come together they are interdependent they interdepend on each other so should you ask why they're coming late yes you should you should you should you should why because you have already known now you are married before you are dating now you are married you have already known the working hours of this guy you have known the working hours of this woman and whenever there is kind of late you just give you know and you take a job before by the time you are at home I am late because I have a job and when you are at 7 up it is past 7 9 club is the end of church and that is the church club club club and that is the club club of penguin you are not saying still okay so there are some women who are saying you are not saying you are not saying you are not saying you are not saying and you are not saying and you are not saying that kind of a lady I am a fikamahali I am too manipulated it have gotten to a point that now whatever happens happens and now this is very unhealthy because if you see a woman telling you what you are not saying just know she is up to something a woman and I know yes definitely yes the woman yes wamejipanga kipata wamejipanga ma pena wamejipanga to a point where to a point where are comfortable with all your funny and bad behaviors just know that she is up here mejipanga because women talk we have already talked these things to our circles we have told our friends they have given us ideas they have told us what you can do and then for us we are comfortable so you where chelawa pia mimi sinajona fika 9 na mihuana ingiya 4 lewanta ingiya 6 so kipata asinare where a woman says ni me mizohia for example ni mezohia and a dakuya late ni mezohia an alala na wanawakini yes even though viniya yuuko ni mezohia analehu analehu ni mezohia analehu anakwana iya seera anakwana iya seera anaribu pesa ni mezohia even though wanawaku anahu me waku waku bora rudi ni umbani akiwa happeni wango akiwa wuko ingiya niwa community community husband yonidami nimbaya it's wrong it's an error that must be corrected and who should correct it the woman or the man the person who should correct it is because all of these people are protectors to each other the woman is a protector to the man why because the woman covers the man from any other feminine and the man is a protector to the woman he covers the woman from every masculine so that all masculinity will see the lady will see masculinity in me as the husband and i'll see all femininity in her as my wife so we are all protecting each other once anything else comes in in the middest of us that means we are starting to hear a third voice and believe you miron even if i love this woman as heaven come down and you start talking to her and she listens to you you will always make a gap you will stand in the middle and when you stand in the middle another one comes another one comes if i used to tell her baby i love i will now start shouting because you are here all of you are here so i say baby na kupenda how do you na kupenda oe and you know it will sound it will not sound now passionate it will not sound romantic it will not sound in love it will sound dictated what do you say na kupenda? na kupenda oe so if you think at the time you are so used to each other yes that's not good it's not good it's a messoia mefika mahali na itwa ineza kwa tan repairable mahali mefika ya because if you messoio mezoia na yundokitu na sumbu awanua kiskuizi and the world that we are in today because you are getting too comfortable with the fact that they cheat but now you see nowadays and not just nowadays we have some of these those who are married they will marry for so long that they no longer feel it is going to be worth it to mend some of these issues when that happens when that happens is a critical zone we are sorry that it is the reality it's the reality happening out here but now to re-correct it let me tell you love never grows old bodies get old souls get old this thing get old but love never gets old love is new every day I can learn from my grandmother and my grandfather they loved each other until their last days they loved each other any no anger ya they are like they are together they are walking all over they are love these people you separate one from the other so this issue that people are saying that one in the first place wasn't a marriage it was a contract it wasn't a marriage and it was wrong and they just push themselves into it because they were all desperate to get a home and to add on that those people who are saying that those people when you make a figure to that position that critical position you know those are the same people who are advising the youth they are the same people who are advising the young people the young people who want to get married and they want to get married that is why someone at my age my very young age and I say to myself why because they are learning from the parents or from the aunts or from the older relatives who have already given up and so on that matter they are taking so much time a guy at 28 and I say to myself he is a marriage, he is a mambo stack society the older people are showing us and now they are damaging us and that is where now it's leading to homosexuality and lesbianism and if it is not so you you find your own you find your own in your own house and you are hosting you are hosting the rock you know what she is referring to yes I know now still ladies and gentlemen wherever you are send in your questions because these are relationship red flags that you would like to engage you on ask your questions the hashtag is one in the morning head over to our facebook page on our page that is at Y254 you will see our photo there and our post there drop your comments and your questions we shall answer them as you continue with this show now let's talk about parents now there are so many examples I can give let me start with you are married but your wife or your husband doesn't listen to you anastya sauti yamza ziwake when you are having an argument he calls home to the parent and says is it a red flag when your parents are always aware about the problems you are having and your partner only listens to their advice and not your voice it's a big red flag unfortunately it's a big red flag because the bible is very clear and any marito institution is very clear on this that a man shall live to cleave that is very open and outright clean live and cleave that is a principle leave your mother leave your father leave your guardian leave your spiritual father whatever if somebody is saying that I need their advice they are my parents then still grow up why are you getting married you are still a kid you are still a boy in a man you don't have the capacity to make decisions by yourself your mama will not be there for you forever your daddy will not be there for you forever you must grow up my question would be if this guy who is always talking to the mamu is a problem what if they have a kid so what is going to happen mamu will be the nani mamu will be the taking care and he will be taking care so he will be taking care he will go to the dad and then the dad who is a very grown up man is going to the mother so I don't understand it is confusion that is why I am telling you the principle is clear as a man style up man up and grow up if there is a man listening to the father and the mother more than the way they can listen to the wife that is not a man that is a boy, a kid, a child what about a wife, what about a woman who is listening to the parents that is also a girl a baby girl a girl a girl a girl my mother said me my mother told me my mother even warned me my mother, my father come on what you lacked from your mother your mother cannot give you your father cannot give you you have to come to me because me I am the one who can give you that thing come on I also believe sometimes these parents this mother and father in law who bring positive advice to the relationship they can come and help you and guide you the mother to the guy the guy is being stubborn maybe he is a drunk and all the mum can come and advise you are hurting your marriage by doing this whatever you are doing but a mum who is coming to advise but a wife will find you that's bad let me ask this question another example their mothers in law they come to Nairobi and spend the night in that home at the first day they enter kitambaya white handkerchief kitambaya white handkerchief kitambaya white handkerchief and the woman feels as if the mother in law is supervising her it means money and living and staying with you that's the mimi divorce Kupigwa ma kufi It is wrong When you come as a mother You have come into your daughter's house Or your son's house Please wait Please wait Please wait Please wait Please wait Please wait Please wait Please wait Please wait Please wait Whatever the lady will bring to you Appreciate If there is anything to add Call her aside Until her daughter This is excellent I love this This one is wonderful But when she is pregnant She doesn't want to have a baby She doesn't want to have a baby But do not put your law Another woman's law In another woman's house No, your time of your house Is ok Tafadani Don't overstay it No overstaying Na piya wuki kuja Siyati ilazima wu pigesimu You can come and you are a mother But if only you are a good mother But now you see To be fair We are not just talking about The mothers of the sons Also the mothers of the daughters I am a good woman I love to see whether you are mind enough To take care of her daughter What happened to her She was pregnant She was pregnant And she was pregnant And she was pregnant She was pregnant She was pregnant She was pregnant She was pregnant And she was pregnant And she was pregnant And she was pregnant And she was pregnant And she was pregnant And she was pregnant You said that if your husband's mother comes home You can come to our chair Now what if it is your mother that has come home No It depends Even the mothers The mother to my husband And she is not this negative person Who is coming to drain off my energy In my house We are talking about your own mother If my mother also comes And she is not this Snoopy person We had that time When I was at her house At our house that time We had the time For her to discipline me Tell me going this way is wrong Now I am a grown up I am a big girl Who has my own family And I know what to do She is coming to tell you This is how you should take care of a man And then your mother will tell you Listen to me by daughter I took care of your own father So I know what to do If I ask her for advice She can tell me Outside the house Is it a red flag when you keep on seeing your mother And not coming to visit anytime Just as he said The relationship is only to people The moment you bring in a third party Now that's when you are going to destroy that relationship So avoid this Ata kama ni mother Ata kama ni nani Avoid this third party people So it's a red flag If she is only bringing negativity to your house How would you handle your own mother? And even if she is bringing positivity Because there are mothers who love To see their daughters flourish They are sun flourish And you see at times Anakuja ana leta omena ana eka apu Ana leta kama aragwe ana angusha apu Namenda Ana se matu ni kwa na apitia Nika angusha hiyo namenda But wali amba wanakuja, wanapiga kambi Wana eka mugujiwe kiti Wana chukwa remote, wanazaku control Wana kukcontrol na remote ianyumba ya kwa Nwa na control baby Nwa na control wa toto My goodness, ingiya first thing I will pray A prayer, glory be to Can I talk like I feel it What can help You've asked how can I tell my own mum Yes According to me, speaking for me I have a very understanding mum And I have a best friend in her So she is the kind of a person Kukiwa na issu ni tamombi And she will understand Very calm person But you see also on that note Everybody protects their mother She will protect her mother And she will say My mother also understands me And is a friend Her mother also understands her All these mothers should be kept off We'll come back for this And then you tell us What happens when your mother has come Or your parents have come home I love her mesema Atakamu lio yung shana Amatakamu lio yung kumanome I know the right person for you Relationship red flags Part 2 We still have a lot of questions We'll take a short break and be back in a bit This is Power Talk Welcome back We are glad to have you with us I'm seeing so many comments We are on social media platform I don't know if we We have a lot of questions We have a lot of questions We have a lot of questions So let's continue This particular conversation On Power Talk And of course today I am With the Apostle Prince and Violet movie Here in this particular Conversation here on Power Talk And of course We have a lot of questions And then you see what people are saying Right here on this particular Conversation In today's show And of course it's all about Relationship red flags So drop in your questions The hashtag is Power Talk Show at Ram Aguko And that Y254 channel Is where you can be able To engage with us At Ram Aguko Is where you can be able to find me On Y254 channel Is the official station handle Before we go into that break We are talking about parents Now let's handle this particular issue here Before we Sorry Remember to so many comments Bring them up Bring them up Alright So this is the first comment of the day This is from T2 Is important Apostle getting you Getting you there I wish the whole world Would be listening to this Unique and important talk By the way This conversation is helping many people I always get a lot of feedback Juma Paolo Relationships of nowadays too Hey Akayaka yu emoji Alright Next comment Titu Bado Titu Bado Wonderful talk and very paramount Skyboy Interesting power talk This is power talk Muskato Rapa King I am right there with you Santa Sana Of course we shall sample a bit more Because We will see Alright Let's continue Prince The inlaw has come home Namu kwa mbia Atakama muliwa Na na hau jama What do you do You go to your wife You ask your wife in front of that person To avoid ruma And to avoid a lot of Behind and chinia Akape to manenos Amesema ibo The husband is here The wife is here The mother or the father or the uncle or the aunty Kaapa Onesema tuwachana na huyu Where were you when we were beginning You can't ask your mother that question You should This is your house You are now married You are not dating You married my brother He takes care of kandakanda I Feel mad For her to take care of this To treat God And she came to know of the difference Which you got She eineve Mwambia As momenta was terrible So, you cannot continue the marriage with that particular husband? That's a red flag, of course. It's a red flag and you didn't come that far. And all the things that you have gone through because marriage is not as simple. So, mumianza mahali, you had your foundation. You know where you got this lady, you know where you got this man. Someone prayed very hard for their spouse. Exactly. It is unfair for you to go all that way. You will be separated by someone who is telling you how far you are going home to now. In fact, mumianza mahali, that will be very stupid of them. Yes. Because I don't expect a grown-up person to say that they are going to marry you. They are going to marry your husband. And they are okay with that. So, mumianza mahali, in fact, I have confirmed all the spirit that I have gone through. No, that will be wrong. Personally, I would not leave my husband just because I have been told by someone to do so. You know your mother will tell you, my daughter, I have prayed that I will live more. My mother has had that relationship with my father. I was not there. We grew up and they did whatever they did. So, they should live it through me now. This is my marriage. This is my home. Exactly. If women would think the way you are thinking now, to answer the question, if women would think the way she is thinking, divorce would not be an option. They could have gone to solve it. Exactly. And bring a solution that is permanent, that is lasting. If it were you who was feeling truly naskianiki kuwazwa, there is a way I am feeling, but not for you to be told. You are a naskianiki kuwazwa. If you are in a situation where you are feeling naskianiki kuwazwa, you are in a situation where you are feeling naskianiki kuwazwa. So, if you are in a situation where you are thinking, will you do that? That will be stopi domi. Now, let me still ask this question. Another scenario here. You come to realize that your wife has been having some plants, plants with the in-laws. It is happening. Yes, it is. Red flag? Very. How do you handle that? You just know you are having a traitor with you. You are not having a wife. You are having a knife that is about to kill you. Because a real wife, a true wife is one, my brother, one with you. You think one, you do one. You say one, you go one, you are one. So, the moment they are separated to listen to other people, he is not a wife, he is a concubine. Who is concubine? Violet, your husband is still listening to the in-laws. You are talking behind your back. How do you handle that? No, that I would feel we are not one. We are not in a marriage. Still you are not one. If you are going to talk to your in-laws about me, then come bring your in-laws at home. Marry them and then I will walk out. I like a solution. I mean, it is just simple. It is just simple. Bring them home. I mean, you know. I mean, you know. When you feel in your in-laws say, I am done with this, nimeskiza in-laws, I am done. No call me, we can talk. Still, another question here. We have a scenario where somebody no longer feels that they can trust their partner. When this happens is somebody and every answer on a tour and so must hear me, we squeeze is equal meaning. Right flask? How it is over. Exactly. You are married remember. You see now, that does not happen instantly. It is a process. For somebody to get to that level, it means you have been put on a spot for quite a long time. And women are very good spies. They are the best CIDs in the world. I agree. That any other CID that we have ever had and FFBI. I agree. They can do your, by the time anakuliza swali. Anajua. Anajua kila kitu. Anakwambia tu, ili ujuya kwambana najua. But as a husband, if you want to have it in a good place, do not play hard. In fact, because she is your wife, opener and say one, two, three, four at her hearing. What if she doesn't listen? She tells you, I don't believe every word you say. Now, in the process, let her now become your best friend. If she is your best friend or if she was your best friend, she will, okay, she might have put you on the spot, but on the spot of wanting the best to correct you and to bring you out from that kwaqmaya or that mess. But awa a knife will put you on the spot so that they may find a reason yaku kwanika. And when kwanika inakuja, I'm telling you she will get evidences everywhere and she will bring it with a whole witness to tell them, yaku kwanika, you will see this was it. I knew it. I knew this would happen. But now a good wife will bring you into a place of friendship until you have it. We have gone through this together. I want us to make it together. I know you have gone wrong and forgiving you because of love and I want to build us and there is no language a man listens to like the language of love or ship now. There is no language. We listen to love until they bondeka kwanika budubudu. All right. Your man when he asks you questions that you answer and I come back, I don't believe everything you say. He tells me that. That is because number one if they tell you they don't believe what you're saying I may have broken their trust in one way or another because that is the foundation of it all. Why would someone just not trust you for no reason? Of course someone will break trust. That is why when you say anything when you tell them I'm going at a particular place and you just feel like I really don't trust this man or this woman you broke their trust at some point. So what do you do? Try and match your words with actions because it will take time to rebuild trust. Yes it will take some time so just keep encouraging this person and yeah this is what I'm planning to do and this is what I'm going to do. And then when you say you will do something make sure you do it so that you match your words with actions because if you don't do that that trust can never be rebuild and you will keep saying I don't trust you. You want to do this I don't trust you and I'll never trust you. Yes and it can remain that way as long as we are together. Yes another example. Ay ay ay ay Every time you go to your wallet you find some money missing There is a problem somewhere about money here one you do not know where your finances are two you don't know where this person is spending their money every time you ask for money there is no money every time and when you check your wallet as a man I thought I left 2,000 I thought I left 2,000 but this is sometimes when I forget for you so you assume but one day you will realize that there is a problem here or as a woman you realize that your husband is just just just but there is something off the reason is priorities have changed when priorities change everything in that setup changes number one when the lady feels that they are not being taken care of they will find a way of taking care of themselves and that one and that one is going even to your wallet you can pass your money to me and your money and delete the message? at the end of the bank I will draw money I will draw it and watch it up why because priorities have changed and that is a very wrong foundation when everything from the foundation is wrong no matter how that house will become beautiful it will still fall and when you see that happening know that the foundation of that marriage was very very wrong they were not open to each other baby me na napokeyanga i pesa hani weon na letanga api tu e ke pamoja wana se manga pese ya muna umeni ya muna muke lakini ya muna umeni ya 2 wana se manga evo but in a good marriage setup in a very good marriage setup believe you me their husbands out here whose wives have supported and they were having nothing and right now they are the pillars that are standing and their wives here whose husband have supported and right now they are pillars it doesn't mean that when you have is when you are senior and when they are not senior but you know in the world of today people are so skeptical they wonder are they after my money we must come out of the world of today because if we go with the world of today then my brother we will get everything wrong we must stick that is why these elders are still there and these people are still there and these foundational truths are still there principles that cannot be omitted we must go back to that one and it will help us but the other finances I believe when it comes to finances be open tell your wife don't show them you have money but that is one thing most people men will do you'll show them you have money this muscular person show them you have money but you don't have money we have been there that's right I understand also we have met people who are like that a few of them will tell you me honestly to mend out and I have only 1,000 so we work with that budget and me as a lady I'll know what to do I will work within his budget he has 1,000 but if you don't have money now when it comes into a home set up at least your wife understands this is the amount that he is getting so I will tell you I will let you sit here so it will be fine but you see wrong set ups wrong set ups bring that kind of a thing wrong marriages wrong choices you saw the red flags earlier kwa avoid kukubi asahi siyati liyanzasahi kuna hiliata siyata kwa wallet to change umemuita home amekam home kusai liya kufanya 1, 2, 3 kuna mahaliwa na hachanga mga 20 bob mga 30, 50 yae because when we will me enda job, me enda kujishugulisha yaa me answer nahizo lakini hiram kuna kitumodya na ta kwa dress kabila ni sahau if you see her looking good she's not asking you for money and she's not stealing your money wejwa ume pango if she's to the salon we are just telling you the truth we just are honestly kama huna pesa tuna elewa uta atu eleziya iko iwi naivi I will understand but if your woman goes to the salon every end month her nails are well done she's dressed well any of they are comfortable atia miata wango ni sumwangi na pesa my friend, I think you are lost you have a problem because you should be honest this is your girl na wu na jwa you know women ata kama tuna fanyakazi yes we will work and we will use our money but we don't, there is some part seen na pesa lakini wana jukona pesa na tata ume toma dress evil she's not working but she's looking good even her friends are asking her who are you dating and you are just quiet there is a problem be careful money is an issue in marriage lakini kuna watwingina they are always looking good but they always ask for money they always ask for money a kusawa money is an issue it is an issue that needs understanding it needs a lot of wisdom and it needs a lot of council let's talk about this when they are not willing to disclose their investments I mean nwa wapi I mean invest wapi a kuna geshara gani when they are not willing to disclose their assets is it already flagged especially in normal settings you are not looking to the same direction you are not talking the same thing you are not on the same page because if you are my husband why would you hide your investments we are supposed to be in this together we are supposed to own this house together the title deed should read both our names why is it that you are hiding some of your investments even these ladies who are having these accounts just talk to if you are willing to you people are newer to honest you both believe in each other and you trust each other just tell them what you are up to because uta ficha investementi ako uende uko niwe ako nji wu di kama uende ukianda uko e kond ya it's a story once happened I heard of they didn't tell their husband it was the lady who didn't tell their husband what they were doing so she went to get this shamba without the husband's consent she got kond 5 million after kukua kond 5 million it started no issues with the bank kukimbizana here and there and then it got to a point the lady had to be auctioned so the husband nakuja kukuliwa witu bila kudua and then he's like what happened she went to take some investments she was not sure about she did not ask for the man's advice the man did not ask for the lady's advice no yo nyumba imesha witu zime kukuliwa gari meenda just because of poor financial decisions it's very critical it's very critical you must as a man you must open up to your wife as a woman you must open up to your husband atakama ni gini you must open up financial freedom even everything hini kana hero everything if you're free financially it means everything is free now another question when you one day realize nakuja mba mbu kukuliwa witu zime kukuliwa amawiyu bibi nakuja nakuja nakuja kwa mbiya nakuja kwa mbiya nakuja kwa mbiya ishiaki na witu jeritia semnia kiki ni permission with how you got the information but it depends because maybe you have loved so much and you believed so much but everything has consequences if you start with a lie there is a consequence And for those who don't understand this particular example here, there are those who have gotten married and how could you have come about who you are and why you want to work on them. Toto alikwa kishagi. Toto alikwa nyumbani. Wali endata nyumbani wakafika wuko, I have taken somebody personally, personally as a pastor. I have taken somebody who ratio. Nani kafika hapo, umtoto wewe umstiana anamuita aunti. Nani umtoto wakia wakuza. Nasi zi tuka jua apani man, ti, tuka uliza evriwea kila umtuna sema. Only for you to realize that you have been in Toto alikwa. After two years. The man alibakizila za jenso. How does the face this conversation here? You thought on that? My thought on that is I advocate for honesty from the very first day. This person who cannot take you because you have a kid is not someone you want to spend your life with. If you have a kid, they should accept you with your kid. So you just be honest and tell them I have a kid 10 years old, 17 years old, or even 30 years old. They should tell you they have a kid. Nojue, because if they will accept you with everything you are, with whatever you are, and if even most of it all your own blood, that is someone you can live with. All right. I want to finish this conversation in this quote here. And of course bring it up. Bring it up as you bring this conversation to a close there. Now, never discredit your gut instinct. You are not paranoid. Your body can pick up on bad vibrations. If something deep inside of you say something is not right about a person or situation, trust it. And that is what brings us to the end of this conversation. Thank you so much for coming. Have a good night. Good night everybody. Thank you so much for being part of today's show. My name is Ram Maguko. This is Power Talk.