 I cannot even speak the name of the vampire that organized that monstrosity. I don't give a fuck. His name was Mike. Though quite adept at dissolving and digesting sugary sweets, SCP-999 hits a roadblock when given something more substantial, like Minona's ravioli recipe. Whether this is a physical limitation or because it deems it to be, quote, yucky, has yet to be discerned, although it better be the former. Welcome to Barnes and Na- I need to stitch this with the most evil, non-offensive thing that a teacher has ever done. Dr. Bright addressed a class of second-year cadets on the Ethics Committee track. He described to them SCP-956, a pinata which paralyzes children and then breaks them open, spawning anomalous candy, seemingly in revenge for its fallen pinata brethren. He then described for them SCP-1459, an anomalous claw machine that can spawn your favorite kind of puppy from thin air. The wind condition of which is you think of a way that the machine can murder the puppy that it hasn't before, and if you do so within 15 seconds, it does that action and then gives you a cookie. The lost condition of which is you get no cookie and the claw machine pummels the puppy to death. He then posts to them the moral quandary if you could only stop testing on one of these projects, which one would you pick? Reminding them that even if they got on the Ethics Committee, neither of these projects would be stopped. There were tears, resignations, and now another thing is added to the things Dr. Bright is not allowed to do at the foundation list. Let's see. Watch this, y'all. Why the fuck would that happen? It's a crystalline. You know, we were kind of waffling on what kind of apocalypse it was going to be, but we took a vote and the eyes have it. That's just a little under-the-world humor for ya. Go ahead, commence the reality reset. We'll see you in the next one. Maybe. What the... Well, to quote a former collaborator, what you think you saw you did not see. Now please, drink this. You said how I got your address? Don't even worry about it, bro. Can you please stop tagging Dr. Sherman in my videos? He's really not going to respond, because I swear way too much. Are you fucking kidding me? Okay, lights out. Aw. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that they scheduled a hug test or that it was successful. And now we've got to contain that person because they're clearly anomalous. Question. Does the SCP Foundation pay taxes? This all started when Nikhil Clayton made a hilarious video about the IRS attempting to tax SCP-30008, the Infinite Ikea. And it got me thinking, because contrary to what a lot of people believe, the Foundation is not a government organization. We are private and we operate worldwide. We've worked both with and against numerous anomalous organizations led by governments, such as the FBI's Unusual Incidents Unit and the UN's Global Occult Coalition. But it's not a friendly relationship by any means. There's a lot of treaties and going behind each other's back. The UIU has documentation that says if the Foundation shows up to the scene of something that's happening, let them take over because they have more knowledge and are better funded than we are. I posed the question over on Twitter and there were a lot of interesting responses to comb through, including from the Foundation itself, which, yeah, I get that. What do you think? Does the Foundation pay its taxes or do we have some work around? Discuss it in the comments. Take your hands, loop them like that. Three middle fingers. Well, that's an all-in-the-saif. You're going in the box, mate. That's Lady Pinto Bean. I'd advise not getting killed by her. Her sword traps the souls of its victims. Godspeed, agent. Reporting in from the PlayStation campus, but I can't seem to find the- What? Oh, sweet 343. Oh, wow. I mean, uh, wait, hang on. I forgot what I was doing here. I forgot what I was doing. Everybody, hold on. That didn't count. That was nothing. I know it has to be contained, but how am I, a professional with multiple PhDs, supposed to tell a mobile task force that they're on route to contain exorcist macaroni? Hello, Gallifrey High Command. This is the doctor speaking. Hello, also the doctor. Can you hear me? Also the doctor. Standing ready. Dear God, three of them. All my worst nightmares at once. I bought the bull's back ring any more. You can jump in now. What? What the- Oh! Oh, no. You do not recognize the bodies in the- Wait. Maybe I'll put too much chemical in. Oh, this is just Florida. You know the motto. We secure, contain, protect. We don't destroy, destroy, destroy. So why is everyone talking about smashing the anomalies? Wait, what? This briefing is meant only for mature audiences. So if you're one of our younger cadets, go spend 10 minutes with SCP-999. I'll see you in the next video. SCP-297 is going viral right now, and yes, it is that. But there's so much more to it. You've got to read past the first line in the description. Did you even catch the part where it's powered by a micronized nuclear reactor? Or how its uppermost power level is titled self-unalive, and it will completely powder a one-meter concrete cube in 10 seconds? Or how we discovered it in the third sub-level parking basement of a 30-story apartment building because it had bored its way through 30 floors and two parking garage basements before somebody turned it off? At the top of which was, you guessed it, an apartment containing the liquefied remains of a human being. You gotta read the whole article, Skane. You're missing the wildest stuff. You said how I got your address? Yes, Reggie. I've moved offices three times. How in the Scarlet King's jockstrap do you keep finding me? Don't even worry about it, bro. But seriously, this will be extremely painful. And they're both me. Use test one for the baseline. Test two. Oh! Alright, test three. Get a new D-Class for test four. Transformation. Alright, that's new. Move on to test five. Stop. What's happening to him? Who said that? Whoa! Where's he going? SCB 5486 has infected the lab. Lock it down and... This is the hole that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on my... What? It's the same hallway over and over again. It's boring. I thought we were letting the asynch guys handle the back rooms anyways. Look, are you ready around this corner? Another hallway! Ta-da! Oh, wait, there was someone. Finally some action. What are you... What are you... Are you lying on the ground? Are you taking a nap? Where do you get these D-Class from? Prison, right. Oh, a cameo from lights are off. Welcome to the show. Are... Are there sharks in the back rooms? And now for the team of everybody asked for, Dr. Rexus Buchanan. Dr. Theron Sherman. And we're here at the Game Developers Conference. That's GDC 2022 because we heard there's something anomalous. And we're going to put it in a box. The anomaly could be anything. It could be a VR game that sucks you in, or a sentient AI, or a God trapped in a video game. Have you seen anything weird around here? I just work here. So you remember the secret password? We did decide on a secret password. Yes, we did decide on a secret password. I messaged it to you. You did decide on a secret password, Dr. Theron. I sent it in... What is your favorite console and why is it the Xbox? Secure, contain, protect. Let's go! There's nothing actually anomalous here. I just wanted to use the corporate card. Go to GDC. Don't sell director griefs. Thank you for listening. Site 42 studios and its staff are funded by viewers like you. Please become a patron or visit our merch store at the link in our bio to support our work. Secure, contain, protect.