 Now it's Armist Brooks, Holly E. Barton! Well, a couple of times a year, Armist Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High School, is obliged to invite his principal and his wife over for dinner. On these occasions, the fact that she's extremely fond of Mrs. Conflin and feels rather differently about her principal presents the problem. Yes, how to sprinkle ground glass in the food without getting them both. I was expecting the Conflins and Mr. Boynton for dinner last Thursday evening, but much to my surprise, Mrs. Conflin came over as I was finishing breakfast that morning. Good morning, Mrs. Conflin. Aren't you a little early? Dinner won't be ready for 11 hours yet. Oh, it's nothing like that. I had to see you before you went to school today. Well, it's... Oh, Mrs. Brooks, ever since you mentioned that Beaver's stole to me 10 days ago, I've decided I wanted it for Christmas more than I wanted anything for a long time. Well, I think you should have it, Mrs. Conflin. And so do I. After being married to Osgood for 20 years, I think I deserve a fair piece. After being married to Osgood for 20 years, you deserve the Brooklyn Bridge. You certainly do. Well, in the last 10 days, I've tried everything to get it. However, the day before yesterday, I hit upon the perfect solution to my entire problem. But I'm going to need your help. I simply want you to give this special delivery letter to Osgood. It came after he left the house this morning. That's all you want me to do? Certainly. The contents of this letter from his cousin really ought to do the thing. But how do you know the contents? I wrote it. You wrote it? Well, I had no idea you were his cousin, too. Oh, this book. Mr. Conflin's cousin is in on this little hope for me. She sent this letter from Cedarville, where we were married. You see, I asked myself when was the only time Osgood ever gave me everything I wanted. Then I remembered it was when he was courting me. So I decided to have him court me all over again. But how are you going to manage that? Well, I got the idea from a movie I saw a few years ago. You see, this letter says that recently it was discovered that the justice of the peace who married us had done so without a license. So technically, we're not married. Of course, Osgood will try to remarry me, and that's when I have him over a battle. I see. Well, it sounds fine, but there might be one possible bet. What's that, Mrs. He might enjoy being over the barrel so much you might never get him off. I don't think a first soul is asking for so much. After all, Mother has worked in slave for us both all these years. Well, you have no idea the hardships she's had to endure. As soon as I get home, remind me to unstraff her from in front of the plow. Harriet, your mother doesn't know the meaning of the word work. Apparently all she knows is how to ask for things. Oh, but daddy sure... No sooner that you learn I'm making $300 extra by going on a lecture tour for Mr. Stone than she wants a first soul. Now, if you'll excuse me, Harriet, I can't think of anyone I'd rather converse with less at the moment. Mrs. Mr. I spoke too soon. Do my inner office, please, Harriet. But daddy, can't I wait... Lamous Vixen. Come in, Miss Brooks. Good morning, Mr. Conqueror. What is it, Miss Brooks? Please, please, as brief as possible. As you can see, I have a desk piled high with paper. Yes, sir. Those crossword puzzles do pile up if you don't get them. I have a letter for you, sir. Your wife called and asked me if I'd drop it off. She thought it might be important. It's from your cousin in Cedarville. Uh-huh. Special delivery from our surgeon. He's written a part in her from my cousin in five years. The last time she wrote me her letter contained extremely bad news. Oh, I read reading it. Well, not so good, though. Oh, dear, oh, good. Must be terrible news, huh? Awful news. Simply bad news, huh? Horrible? I had no idea the news to be that bad. Miss Brooks, I'm not married! That's terrible, sir. Simply terrible. What happened? Well, it seems there's a little mistake about my marriage, Miss Brooks. A remarkable little mistake. It seems the justice of the bees who married us wasn't really the justice of the bees at all. Then who was he? The best friend a man ever had. I'm dead. Oh, but, sir, this is dreadful. Simply dreadful after all these years. Well, you must remarry at once. But who? I'm Mrs. Conklin. That's who. Oh, it's great to be single, my possible jingle. Miss Brooks, I feel like a bird who's just been let out of his cage. A convict who's just been released from jail. Oh, if Mr. Boyden's anywhere around, I'm cooked. So then I suppose you and Mrs. Conklin won't be coming over for dinner tonight. I and Master Flyshacker will be delighted. Will be delighted to come for dinner? Master Flyshacker? My wife's maiden name. No wonder she changed it, Mr. Conklin. Then you are coming over, sir? Oh, certainly, certainly. I can't wait to get together with Boyden and discuss the good old single life. Well, if you must discuss it, Mr. Conklin, at least don't do it in the presence of Mrs. Davis. Why not, Miss Brooks? The way things stand now, she's the only one left who might marry me. Well, Mrs. Conklin hopes to convince our principal that they were never really married and thereby get a fur coat when he recorted her backfired rather badly. So all morning long, I did my best to keep Mr. Boyden away from our ecstatic principal. The last time I stopped him occurred as he was leaving his laboratory just before noon. Hi, Mr. Boyden. Where are you going with those rabbit cages this time of day? Well, I didn't think you'd mind if I took my rabbits, Henry and George, to lunch with us, Miss Brooks. Not at all, Mr. Boyden. Maybe one of them will pick up the text. Yes, sir. He will certainly save me a trip. Otherwise, I'd have to come all the way back here with them after I see Mr. Conklin. After you see Mr. Conklin? Yes. I wanted to see the condition these cages are in. The only way I can persuade him to give me the money for some new ones. Well, today's the wrong day for that. You said that to me twice before today about two other things. They're almost as if you don't want me to see him. Oh, now, Mr. Boyden, wherever did you get such a fantastically accurate, uh, fantastic idea? Why shouldn't I want you to see him? Well, I don't know why. The two times I did catch sight of him today, he seemed excited and happy about something. I wonder what it is. Oh, well, I'll probably find out about it when I see him at your house tonight. Tonight? Mm-hmm. Oh, I knew there was something I had to tell you, Mr. Boyden. The dinner for tonight has been canceled. And Mrs. Davis is very ill. Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Miss Brooks. Must have come on quite suddenly. Oh, what is it, flu? Uh, virus? Or bronchitis? That's right. Which one is it? Take your pick. Um, it's the flu, Mr. Boyden. So, of course, we won't be able to make it, but any other night would be just fine. Hi, Mr. Boyden. Oh, hello, Alder. Boy, wait a year for the latest about old Marvel head. Yes, Mr. Conklin. He's declared tomorrow a half-holiday and commissioned one of the kids to go out and buy up all the fireworks he could find. Everyone thinks that Mr. Conklin's finally snapped his tap. You mean he's crazy? Yes, screwy as a hopped-up kukaracha and a Bola hot chili. Oh, by the way, Miss Brooks, Harriet Kobe, if I ran into you, that Mr. Conklin wanted to see you. There's something about canceling his date with you tonight. But be careful when you go into his office. Well, perhaps I'd better go along with you, Miss Brooks, in case he gets violent. Oh, don't worry about me, Mr. Boyden. I don't have a way with violent men. And if you don't believe me, please try me sometime. Oh, it's nice to be single, my pocketful jingle. Principal's office. Osgood Conklin himself speaking. Over. Hello, Osgood. This is Mr. Stone. Oh, yes, Mr. Stone. How are you there? Conklin, I just had a thought that would make you very happy. How would you like to take Mrs. Conklin along on your lecture tour? Conklin. Hello. Conklin, can you hear me? I'm afraid I can. What happened? Will you cut off? Only my windpipe. That is, I was choked with happiness. Good, good. Mr. Stone, is it absolutely essential that I take Mrs. Conklin along? Yes, Conklin, it is essential. Is your wife free to go? The first she's been free to go for the past 20 years. I mean, yes, yes, of course she is. Then she goes along regardless of what. Those are orders. Yes, they're regardless of what. Good-bye, sir. Well, Osgood, I guess there's no other choice. Well, it's delightful to be married. Come in. Mr. Conklin, I understand you want to cancel the dinner engagement at my house. I guess you've decided to go out on the town to celebrate your newly found freedom. Freedom? Oh, oh, it's true, Miss Brooks, I did have some wild thoughts when you first handed me that letter this morning. But after a little silver reflection, there's nothing I want more than to be welcomed back into the warmth, comfort, and security of my happy little prison. Well, there's nothing standing in your way, is there, sir? Oh, well, frankly, there is little something. In my momentary exuberance this morning, I called my wife and said some things that may have annoyed her a few, few days. A teensy-weensy bitch. She said she'd never speak to me again. Miss Brooks, I know you have some influence, but I'm sure you could help me win her back. Oh, I don't know, Mr. Thompson. You know what they say about a woman scorned. Only a beaver's soul can unscorn her. A beaver's soul? There's a beauty on special for only $200. You do want her back in the next few weeks, don't you? In the next few weeks, I want her back at once. Not only do I love her, but Mr. Stone will cancel my lecture tour if you... Oh, I think I'm beginning to understand the urgency. I did let the cat out of the bag, didn't I, Miss Brooks? You let the cat out and the beaver in. See you at my house at 7, sir. From the clock that night at my house, we were about ready to receive Mr. Conklin. Now, do we have our signal straight, Mrs. Conklin? Well, I think so, Miss Brooks, but are you sure I could recover? Of course, we will, Martha. And don't worry, you won't get that beaver yet. Mrs. Conklin, would just the boy you'd be here now if I weren't sure of your husband's attitude? Believe me, it was difficult to convince him that Mrs. Davis had recovered after I told him she had the flu earlier today. Oh, that explains it. I was wondering why he came in wearing a gauze mask before it... Now, now do you feel a little more confident, Mrs. Conklin? Well, I guess so. Oh, my, I wonder if Phyllis Stone is having the same trouble with Mr. Stone. Phyllis Stone? Yes, Margaret. I told her about my marriage hopes, and she's trying the same trick to get a first soul from Mrs. Stone. What? If this thing keeps spreading, we're all liable to wind up on drag net next week. Now, it is... Oh, oh goodness, that must be our good now. Remember what I told you, play hard to get. Mrs. Davis, would you mind going into the kitchen and sending in Mr. Boyden? I want him to be a witness to love's old sweet songs. All right, dear. In the meantime, I'll finish preparing dinner. Now, we'll be right back, Mrs. Conklin. Good evening, Mrs. Brooks. Why, Mr. Beaver? Oh, Mr. Conklin. Come in, sir. Now, then, where is she, Mrs. Brooks? She's my lovely, blushing child, Bride. Never mind. I know where she is. Hello, Oscar. Poopsy girl.