 Good morning, Hickets Tuesday. You have just acquired possibly the cutest kitten I have ever seen in my life, and now all that remains is the extremely fraught work of naming that kitten. Fortunately, I am here to help. Now, Hank, your kid has already suggested several cat names, including Kierker, Kacker, and Gebirker, all of which are excellent cat names, because, one, they are unique. I don't think there are a lot of cats out there named Gebirker, and, two, they capture both the cuteness of the cat and the cuteness of the namer. But also, any potential pet name must first pass the test of imagining saying it to the veterinary clinic, and I love the idea of you calling the vet and being like, hello, yes, I'd like to schedule a follow-up appointment for my kitten Gebirker Green. Now, Hank, far be it from me to try to improve upon your son's near-perfect ear for cat names, but I do have some opinions on this matter, and, like all opinions valued by the social internet, they are strongly held and of dubious quality. Now, Hank, your late-great-cat-cameo had a perfect cat name, and I'm sure you're gonna come up with something good, but I'm a little nervous because you once on our podcast told someone to name their kitten, like, manhole cover, and that's not a good cat name? So, yeah, I do have some advice. I guess the first question is whether to pick a common human name, which in general I think is a risky strategy. Like, what if you name your cat Christopher and later develop a best friendship with someone named Christopher? But if you do pick a common human name, I think it should be as regal and fancy as possible. Like, instead of just calling your cat Philip, you could call it Philip the Seventh Sovereign of Bavaria and God King of the lesser realms, Green. That's a fun one to say to the vet. I also think there are lots of good apparel-based names for cats, like, Pants is a great name, Socks is excellent, Cardigan ain't bad. Of course, you can take this too far, like, Balgown Green is not a good name for a cat, nor is Ralph Lauren polo shirts, but I get them at the outlet, so they're 60% off Green. It just occurred to me, this is slightly off topic, that Ralph Lauren's first name is Ralph. Like, the Lauren gets so much emphasis. His name is Ralph. What a great name! But right back to cat names, of course, Hank, you will consider some punny names, like Holden Clawfield or Catnip Everdeen. And, you know, those are high-risk, high-reward for me. Like, if you miss, it's very eye-rolly, but if you get it just right, it's brilliant. Like Edgar Allan Poe had a cat named Catarina. That's a great cat name. Speaking of writers, quite a few of them have named their cats after their work, like Sylvia Plath had a famous poem called Daddy, and a cat called Daddy. George Bernard Shaw had a cat called Pygmalion. And I cannot recommend that strategy. Like, an absolutely remarkable thing is a good name for a book, but not for a cat. On the other hand, I do think you can get inspiration from writers, like Ursula K. Le Guin had a cat called Mother Courage, which is phenomenal. Doris Lessing had one called El Magnifico, which is also top drawer. But don't follow along with all the writers, like Mark Twain, who, to be fair, was never great at titles, called his cat's names like Satan and Beelzebub and Pestilence. I don't think you should call your cat Pestilence, Hank. But I do think it's worth considering a historically resonant name, like Phyllisette, which was the name of the French cat who was the first catstronaut. It went to space and then came back. And then there's my all-time favorite historical cat, Massac, who was Nikola Tesla's childhood cat. As a very small child, Tesla was petting Massac and felt a shock and saw a spark and asked his father what was going on. And his father said, well, that's electricity, just like the lightning that comes in storms. And little tiny Tesla was like, whoa, the same thing that happened with my cat is happening in the sky. And then he asked himself, these are his words, is nature a giant cat? And in some ways, he spent the rest of his life trying to examine that question. So to summarize, Hank, number one, name your cat whatever you want. And number two, nature is a gigantic cat. I will see you on Friday.