 Chapter 1 of The Memoirs of Jacques Casanova, Volume 1, by Jacques Amour-Casanova. Chapter 1 The illegitimate son of Don Francisco Casanova was a native of Zaragoza, the capital of Aragon, and in the year 1428 he carried off Donna Ella Palafax from a convent on the day after she had taken the veil. He was secretary to King Alfonso. He ran away with her to Rome, where, after one year of imprisonment, the Pope, Martin III, released Anna from her vows, and gave them the nuptial blessing at the insistence of Don Juan Casanova, Major Domo of the Vatican, and Uncle of Don Jacob. All the children born from that marriage died in their infancy, with the exception of Don Juan, who, in 1475, married Donna Eleanor Albini, of whom he had a son, Marco Antonio. In 1481 Don Juan, having killed an officer of the King of Naples, was compelled to leave Rome, and escape to Como with his wife and his son. But, having left the city to seek his fortune, he died while travelling with Christopher Columbus in the year 1493. Marco Antonio became a noted poet of the School of Marchele, and was secretary to Cardinal Pompeo Colonna. The satire against Gileo de Medici, which we found in his works, having made it necessary for him to leave Rome, he returned to Como. Where he married Abondia Resonica, the same Gileo de Medici, having become Pope unto the name of Clement VII, pardoned him, and called him back to Rome with his wife. The city, having been taken and ransacked by the imperialists in 1526, Marco Antonio died there from an attack of the plague. Otherwise he would have died of misery, the soldiers of Charles V having taken all he possessed. Pierre Valerien speaks of him in his work, to infelicit a auditorium. Three months after his death, his wife gave birth to Jacques Casanova, who died in France at a great age. Colonel in the army, commanded by Farnes against Henry King of Navarre, afterwards King of France. He had left in the city of Parma, a son who married Teresa Conti, from who he had Jacques, who in the year 1681 married Anna Roli. Jacques had two sons, Jean Baptiste and Géten Joseph Jacques. The elders left Parma in 1712 and was never heard of. The other also went away in 1715, being only nineteen years old. This all I have found in my father's diary. For my mother's lips I have heard the following particulars. Géten Joseph Jacques left his family, mandolin love with an actress, named Fragaletta, who performed the Chambermaids. In his poverty he determined to earn a living by making the most of his own person. At first he gave himself up to dancing, and five years afterwards became an actor, making himself conspicuous by his conducts still more than by his talent. Whether from fickleness or from jealousy, he abandoned the Fragaletta and joined in Venice a troupe of comedians, then given performances at the Saint Samuel Fietta. Opposite the house in which he had taken his lodging resided a shoemaker, by name Jerome Fraffuse, with his wife, Marzia, and Zanetta, their only daughter. A perfect beauty, sixteen years of age. The young actor fell in love with this girl, succeeded in gaining her affection, and in containing her consent to a runaway match. It was the only way to win her. For, being an actor, he never could have heard Marzia's consent, still less drums, as in their eyes a player was a most awful individual. The young lovers, provided with the necessary certificates and accompanied by two witnesses, presented themselves before the patriarch of Venice, who performed over them the marriage ceremony. Marzia, Zanetta's mother, indulged in a good deal of exclamation, and her father died brokenhearted. I was born nine months afterwards, on the 2nd of April 1725. The following April my mother left me under the care of her own mother, who had forgiven her as soon as she had heard that my father had promised never to compel her to appear on the stage. This is a promise which all actors make to the young girls they marry, and which they never fulfil, simply because their wives never came much about claiming from them the performance of it. Moreover, it turned out a very fortunate thing for my mother, that she had studied for the stage. Four or nine years later, having been left a widow with six children, she could not have brought them up if it had not been for the resources she found in that profession. I was only one year old when my father left me to go to London, where he had an engagement. It was in that great city that my mother made her first appearance on the stage, and in that city likewise that she gave birth to my brother Francois, a celebrated painter of battles, now residing in Vienna, where he has followed his profession since 1783. Towards the end of the year 1728 my mother returned to Venice with her husband, and as she had become an actress she continued her artistic life. In 1730 she was delivered of my brother Jean, who became director of the Academy of Painting in Dresden, and died there in 1795. And during the three following years she became the mother of two daughters, one of whom died at an early age, while the other married in Dresden, where she still lived in 1798. I had also a posthumous brother, who became a priest. He died in Rome fifteen years ago, let us now come to the dawn of my existence, in the character of a thinking being. The organ of memory began to develop itself in me, at the beginning of August 1733. I had at that time reached the age of eight years and four months. Of what may have happened to me before that period, I have not the faintest recollection. This is the circumstance. I was standing in the corner of a room bending towards the wall, supporting my head, and my eyes fixed upon a stream of blood flowing from my nose to the ground. My grandmother Marzia, whose pet I was, came to me, bathed my face with cold water, and, unknown to everyone in the house, took me with her in a gondola as far as Muran, a thickly populated island only half a league distance from Venice. A lighting from the gondola we entered a wretched hole, where we found an old woman sitting on a rickety bed, holding a black cat in her arms, with five or six more paring around her. The two old cronies held together a long discourse of which, most likely, I was the subject. At the end of the dialogue, which was carried on in the patios of folly, the witch having received a silver ducket from my grandmother, opened a box, took me in her arms, placed me in the box, and locked me in it, telling me not to be frightened. A piece of advice which would certainly have had the contrary effect, if I had had any wits about me, but I was stupefied. I kept myself quiet in a corner of the box, holding a handkerchief to my nose because it was still bleeding, and otherwise very indifferent to the uproar going on outside. I could hear in turn laughter, weeping, singing, screams, shrieks, and knocking against the box, but for all that I cared for naught. At last I am taken out of the box, the blood stops flowing. The wonderful old witch, after lavishing caresses upon me, takes off my clothes, lays me on the bed, burns some drugs, gathers the smoke in a sheet which she wraps around me, pronounces incantations, takes the sheets off me, and gives me five sugar plums of a very agreeable taste. Then she immediately rubs my temples in the nap of my neck, with anointment exhaling a delightful perfume, and puts my clothes on me again. She told me that my hemorrhage would little by little leave me, provided I should never disclose to any one what she had done to cure me, and she threatened me, on the other hand, with the loss of all my blood and with death, should I ever breathe a word concerning these mysteries. After having thus taught me my lesson, she informed me that a beautiful lady would pay me a visit during the following night, and that she would make me happy, on condition that I should have sufficient control over myself, never to mention to any one having received such a visit. Upon this we left and returned home. I fell asleep almost as soon as I was in bed, without giving a thought to the beautiful visitor I was to receive. But, waking up a few hours afterwards, I saw, or fancied I saw, coming down the chimney, a dazzling woman with immense hoops, splendidly attired, and wearing on her head a crown set with precious stones, which seemed to me sparkling with fire. With slow steps, but with a majestic and sweet countenance, she came forward and sat on my bed. Then, taking several small boxes from a pocket, she emptied their contents over my head, softly whispering a few words, and, after giving utterance to a long speech, not a single word of which I understood, she kissed me, and disappeared the same way she had came. I soon went again to sleep. The next morning my grandmother came to dress me, and the moment she was near my bed she cautioned me to be silent, threatening me with death if I dared to say anything respecting my night's adventures. This command, laid upon me by the only woman who had complete authority over me, and whose orders I was accustomed to obey blindly, caused me to remember the vision and to store it, with the seal of secrecy, in the innermost corner of my dawning memory. I had not, however, the slightest inclination to mention the circumstances to any one, in the first place, because I did not suppose it would interest any body, and in the second, because I would not have known whom to make a confident of. My disease had rendered me dull and retired, everybody pitted me, and left me to myself, my life was considerably likely to be but a short one, and as to my parents they never spoke to me. After the journey to Moran, and the nocturnal visit of the Fairy, I continued to have bleeding at the nose, but less from day to day, and my memory slowly developed itself. I learned to read in less than a month. It would be ridiculous, of course, to attribute this cure to such follies, but at the same time I think it would be wrong to assert that they did not in any way contribute to it. As far as the apparition of the beautiful Queen is concerned, I have always deemed it to be a dream, unless it should have been some masquerade got up for the occasion, but it is not always in the drugist shops that have found the best remedies for severe diseases. Our ignorance is every day proved by some wonderful phenomenon, and I believe this to be the reason why it is so difficult to meet with a learned man entirely untainted with superstition. We know, as a matter of course, that there never have been any sorcerers in this world. Yet it is true that their power has always existed, in the estimation of those to whom crafty knaves have passed themselves off as such. Somnio nocturnos lemuez hortentacue des alia huides. Many things became real which, at first, had no existence but in our imagination, and, as a natural consequence, many facts which have been attributed to faith may not always have been miraculous, although they are true miracles for those who lend to faith a boundless power. The next circumstance of any importance to myself, which I recollect, happened three months after my trip to Muran, and six weeks before my father's death. I give it to my readers only to convey some idea of the manner in which my nature was expanding. One day, about the middle of November, I was with my brother Francois, two years younger than I, in my father's room, watching him attentively as he was working at optics. A huge lump of crystal, round and cut into facets, attracted my attention. I took it up, and, having brought it near my eye, I was delighted to see that it multiplied objects. The wish to possess myself of it at once got hold of me, and, seeing myself unobserved, I took my opportunity and hid it in my pocket. A few minutes after this my father looked about for his crystal, and, unable to find it, he concluded that one of us must have taken it. My brother asserted that he had not touched it, and I, although guilty, said the same. But my father satisfied that he could not be mistaken, threatened to search us, and to thrash the one who had told him a story. I pretended to look for the crystal in every corner of the room, and, watching my opportunity, I slyly slipped it into the pocket of my brother's jacket. At first I was sorry for what I had done, for I might as well have feigned to find the crystal somewhere about the room. But the evil deed was past recall. My father, seeing that we were looking in vain, lost patience. Searched us, found the unlucky ball of crystal in the pocket of the innocent boy, and inflicted upon him the promised thrashing. Three or four years later I was foolish enough to boast before my brother of the trick I had then played on him. He never forgave me, and has never failed to take his revenge whenever the opportunity offered. However, having at a later period gone to confession, and accused myself to the priest of the sin with every circumstance surrounding it, I gained some knowledge which afforded me great satisfaction. My confessor, who was a Jesuit, told me that by the deed I had verified the meaning of my first name. Shach, which he said, meant in Hebrew, saplanter, and that God had changed for that reason the name of the ancient patriarch into that of Israel, which meant knowing. He had deceived his brother, Esor. Six weeks after the above adventure, my father was attacked with an abscess in the head, which carried him off in a week. Dr. Zambili first gave him operative remedies, and, seeing his mistake, he tried to mend it by administrating castorium, which sent his patient into convulsions and killed him. The abscess broke out through the ear one minute after his death, taking its leave after killing him, as if it had no longer any business with him. My father departed this life in the very prime of his manhood. He was only thirty-six years of age, but he was followed to his grave by the regrets of the public, and, more particularly, of all the patricians amongst them, whom he was held as above his profession. Not less on account of his gentleman behaviour, than on account of his extensive knowledge and mechanics. Two days before his death, feeling that his end was at hand, my father expressed a wish to see us all around his bed, in the presence of his wife, and of the messieurs-gramani, three Venetian noblemen, whose protection he wished to entreat in our favour. After giving us his blessing, he requested our mother, who was drowned in tears, to give her sacred promise that she would not educate any of us for the stage, on which he never would have appeared himself, had he not been led to it by an unfortunate attachment. My mother gave her promise, and the three noblemen said they would see to its being faithfully kept. Circumstances helped our mother to fulfil her word. At that time, my mother had been pregnant for six months, and she was allowed to remain away from the stage until after Easter. Beautiful and young as she was, she declined all the offers of marriage which were made to her, and, placing a trust in Providence, she courageously devoted herself to the task of bringing up her young family. She considered it a duty to think of me before the others, not so much from a feeling of preference, as in consequence of my disease, which had such an effect upon me that it was difficult to know what to do with me. I was very weak, without any appetite, unable to apply myself to anything, and I had all the appearance of an idiot. Physicians disagreed as to the cause of the disease. He loses, they would say, two pounds of blood every week, yet there cannot be more than sixteen or eighteen pounds in his body. What then can cause so abundant a bleeding? One assented that in me all the kyle turned into blood. Another was of the opinion that the arrow was breathing must, at each inhalation, increased the quantity of blood in my lungs, and contended that this was the reason for which I always kept my mouth open. I heard of it all six years afterward from M. Baffo, a great friend of my late father. This M. Baffo, consulge of the celebrated Dr. Markop of Padua, who sent him his opinion by writing, This consultation, which I still have in my possession, says that our blood is an elastic fluid, which is liable to diminish or to increase in thickness, but never in quantity, and that my hemorrhage could only proceed from the thickness of the mass of my blood, which relieved itself in a natural way in order to facilitate circulation. The doctor added that I would have died long before, had not nature, in its wish for life, asserted itself, and he concluded by stating that the cause of the thickness of my blood could only be ascribed to the arrow as breathing, and that consequently I must have a change of air, or every hope of cure be abandoned. He thought likewise that the stupidity so apparent on my countenance was caused by nothing else but the thickness of my blood. M. Baffo, a man of sublime genius, a most lascivious yet a great and original poet, was therefore instrumental in bringing about to the decision which was then taken to send me to Padua, and to him I am indebted for my life. He died twenty years after, the last of an ancient patrician family, but his poems, although obscene, will give everlasting fame to his name. The state inquisitors of Venice have contributed to his celebrity by their mistaken strictness. Their persecutions caused his manuscript works to become precious. They ought to have been aware that despised things are forgotten. As soon as the verdict given by Professor Mackop had been approved up, the Airbgrim Arnie undertook to find me a good boarding-house in Padua for me, through a chemist of his acquaintance who resided in that city. His name was Ottaviani, and he was an antiquarian of some repute. In a few days the boarding-house was found, and on the second day of April 1734, on the very day I had accomplished my ninth year. I was taken to Padua, in a Borschiello, along the Brenta Canal. We embarked at ten o'clock in the evening, immediately after supper. The Borschiello may be considered a small floating-house. There is a large saloon with a smaller cabin at each end, and rooms for servants four and aft. It is a long square with a roof, and cut on each side by glazed windows with shutters. The voyage takes eight hours. Em Grimani, Em Bafou, and my mother accompanied me. I slept with her in the saloon, and the two friends passed the night in one of the cabins. My mother rose at daybreak, opened one of the windows facing the bed, and the rays of the rising sun falling on my eyes caused me to open them. The bed was too low for me to see the land. I could see through the window only the tops of the trees along the river. The boat was sailing with such an even movement that I could not realise the fact of our moving, so that the trees, which, one after the other, were rapidly disappearing from my sight, caused me an extreme surprise. Ah, dear mother! I exclaimed, what is this? The trees are walking. At that very moment the two noblemen came in, and, reading astonishment in my countenance, they asked me what my thoughts were so busy about. How is it? I answered, that the trees are walking. They all laughed, but my mother, heaving a great sigh, told me in a tone of deep pity. The boat is moving, the trees are not. Now, dress yourself. I understood at once the reason of the phenomenon. Then it may be, said I, that the sun does not move, and that we, on the contrary, are resolving from west to east. At these words my good mother fairly screamed. M. Gramani pitted my foolishness, and I remained dismayed, grieved, and ready to cry. M. Baffo brought me life again. He rushed to me, embraced me tenderly, and said, All right, my child, the sun does not move, take courage, give heed to your reasoning powers, and let others laugh. My mother, greatly surprised, asked him whether he had taken leave of his senses to give me such lessons. But the philosopher, not even condescending to answer her, went on sketching a theory in harmony with my young and simple intelligence. This was the first real pleasure I enjoyed in my life. Had it not been for M. Baffo, this circumstance might have been enough to degrade my understanding. The weakness of fragility would have become part of my mind. The ignorance of the two others would certainly have blunted in me the edge of a faculty which, perhaps, has not carried me very far in my afterlife, but to which alone I feel that I am indebted for every particle of happiness I enjoy when I look into myself. We reached Padua at an early hour, and went to a Taviani's house. His wife lodged me with caresses. I found there five or six children, amongst them a girl of eight years named Marie, and another of seven, Rose, beautiful as a serif. Ten years later, Marie became the wife of the broker Colonda, and Rose, a few years afterwards, married a nobleman, Pierre Marcello, and had one son and two daughters, one of whom was wedded to M. Pierre Monacenigo, and the other to a nobleman of the Carrero family. This last marriage was afterwards nullified. I shall have, in the course of events, to speak of all these persons, and that is my reason for mentioning their names here. Taviani took us at once to the house where I was to board. It was only a few yards from his own residence. At Saint-Marie-de-Vance, in the parish of Saint-Michel, in the house of an old Sclavonian woman, who let the first floor to Signora Mitter, wife of a Sclavonian colonel. My small trunk was laid open before the old woman, to whom was handed an inventory of all its contents, together with six sequins for six months paid in advance. From this small sum she undertook to feed me, to keep me clean, and to send me to a day-school. Protesting that it was not enough, she accepted these terms. I was kissed and strongly commanded to be always obedient and docile, and I was left with her. In this way did my family get rid of me. End of chapter 1 Chapter 2 of the Memoirs of Jacques Casanova Volume 1 by Giacomo Casanova This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. The Memoirs of Jacques Casanova Volume 1 The Venetian Years by Giacomo Casanova Episode 1 Childhood Chapter 2 My grandmother comes to Padua and takes me to Dr. Gotsy's school, my first love affair. As soon as I was left alone with this clavonian woman, she took me up to the garret, where she pointed out my bed in a row with four others, three of which belonged to three young boys of my age who at that moment were at school, and the fourth to a servant girl whose province it was to watch us and to prevent the many picadillos in which schoolboys are wont to indulge. After this visit we came downstairs, and I was taken to the garden with permission to walk about until dinner time. I felt neither happy nor unhappy, I had nothing to say, I had neither fear nor hope, nor even a feeling of curiosity. I was neither cheerful nor sad. The only thing which grated upon me was the face of the mistress of the house. Although I had not the faintest idea, either of beauty or of ugliness, her face, her countenance, her tone of voice, her language, everything in that woman was repulsive to me. Her masculine features repelled me every time I lifted my eyes towards her face to listen to what she said to me. She was tall and coarse like a trooper, her complexion was yellow, her hair black, her eyebrows long and thick, and her chin gloried in a respectable, bristly beard. To complete the picture her hideous, half-naked bosom was hanging halfway down her long chest. She may have been about fifty. The servant was a stout country girl who did all the work of the house. The garden was a square of some thirty feet, which had no other beauty than its green appearance. Towards noon my three companions came back from school, and they at once spoke to me as if we had been old acquaintances, naturally giving me credit for such intelligence as belonged to my age, but which I did not possess. I did not answer them, but they were not baffled, and they at last prevailed upon me to share their innocent pleasures. I had to run to carry and be carried, to turn head over heels, and I allowed myself to be initiated into those arts with a pretty good grace until we were summoned to dinner. I sat down to the table, but seeing before me a wooden spoon I pushed it back asking for my silver spoon and fork, to which I was much attached, because they were a gift from my good old granny. The servant answered that the mistress wished to maintain equality between the boys, and I had to submit much to my disgust. Having thus learned that equality in everything was the rule of the house, I went to work like the others, and began to eat the soup out of the common dish, and if I did not complain of the rapidity with which my companions made it disappear, I could not help wondering at such inequality being allowed. To follow this very poor soup we had a small portion of dried cod and one apple each, and dinner was over. It was inland. We had neither glasses nor cups, and we all helped ourselves out of the same earthen pitcher to a miserable drink called Graspia, which is made by boiling in water the stems of grapes stripped of their fruit. From the following day I drank nothing but water. This way of living surprised me, for I did not know whether I had a right to complain of it. After dinner the servant took me to the school, kept by a young priest, Dr. Godzie, with whom this clavonian woman had bargained for my schooling at the rate of forty Sue a month, or the eleventh part of a sequin. The first thing to do was to teach me writing, and I was placed amongst children of five and six years who did not fail to turn me into ridicule on account of my age. On my return to the boarding-house I had my supper, which, as a matter of course, was worse than the dinner, and I could not make out why the right of complaint should be denied me. I was then put to bed, but their three well-known pieces of vermin kept me awake all night, besides the rats which, running all over the garret, jumped on my bed and fairly made my blood run cold with fright. This is the way in which I began to feel misery and to learn how to suffer it patiently. The vermin which feasted upon me lessened my fear of the rats, and by a very lucky system of compensation the dread of the rats made me less sensitive to the bites of the vermin. My mind was reaping benefit from the very struggle fought between the evils which surrounded me. The servant was perfectly deaf to my screaming. As soon as it was daylight I ran out of the wretched garret, and, after complaining to the girl of all I had endured during the night, I asked her to give me a clean shirt, the one I had on being disgusting to look at, but she answered that I could only change my linen on a Sunday and laughed at me when I threatened to complain to the mistress. For the first time in my life I shed tears of sorrow and anger when I heard my companions scoffing at me. The poor wretches shared my unhappy condition, but they were used to it and that makes all the difference. Sorrily depressed I went to school, but only to sleep soundly through the morning. One of my comrades, in the hope of turning the affair into ridicule at my expense, told the doctor the reason of my being so sleepy. The good priest, however, to whom without doubt Providence had guided me, called me into his private room. Listened to all I had to say, saw with his own eyes the proofs of my misery, and moved by the sight of the blisters which disfigured my innocent skin, he took up his cloak, went with me to the boarding house, and showed the woman the state I was in. She sat on a look of great astonishment, and threw all the blame upon the servant. The doctor, being curious to see my bed, I was, as much as he was, surprised at the filthy state of the sheets in which I had passed the night. The accursed woman went on blaming the servant, and said that she would discharge her, but the girl, happening to be close by and not relishing the accusation, told her boldly that the fault was her own, and she then threw open the beds of my companions to show us that they did not experience any better treatment. The mistress, raving, slapped her on the face, and the servant, to be even with her, returned the compliment, and ran away. The doctor left me there, saying that I could not enter his school unless I was sent to him as clean as the other boys. The result for me was a very sharp rebuke, with the thread as a finishing stroke, that if I ever caused such a broil again, I would be ignominously turned out of the house. I could not make it out. I had just entered life, and I had no knowledge of any other place but the house in which I had been born, in which I had been brought up, and in which I had always seen cleanliness and honest comfort. Here I found myself ill-treated, scolded, although it did not seem possible that any blame could be attached to me. At last the old shrew tossed a shirt in my face, and an hour later I saw a new servant changing the sheets after which we had our dinner. My schoolmaster took particular care in instructing me. He gave me a seat at his own desk, and in order to show my proper appreciation of the servant, he gave me a seat and in order to show my proper appreciation of such a favor, I gave myself up to studies. At the end of the first month I could write so well that I was promoted to the grammar class. The new life I was leading, the half-starvation system to which I was condemned, and most likely more than everything else, the air of Padua, brought me health such as I had never enjoyed before, but that very state of blooming health made it still more difficult for me than the hunger which I was compelled to endure. It became unbearable. I was growing rapidly. I enjoyed nine hours of deep sleep, unbroken by any dreams, saved that I always fancied myself sitting at a well-spread table and gratifying my cruel appetite. But every morning I could realize in full the vanity and the unpleasant disappointment of flattering dreams. This ravenous appetite would at last have weakened me to death, had I not made up my mind to pounce upon and to swallow every kind of eatables I could find whenever I was certain of not being seen. Necessity begets ingenuity. I had spied in a cupboard of the kitchen some fifty red herrings. I devoured them all one after the other as well as all the sausages which were hanging in the chimney to be smoked. And in order to accomplish those feats without being detected I was in the habit of getting up at night and of undertaking my foraging expeditions under the friendly veil of darkness. Every new laid egg I could discover in the poultry yard quite warm and scarcely dropped by the hen was a most delicious treat. I would even go as far as the kitchen as the schoolmaster in the hope of pilfering something to eat. This glavonian woman in despair at being unable to catch the thieves turned away servant after servant. But in spite of all my expeditions as I could not always find something to steal I was as thin as a walking skeleton. My progress at school was so rapid during four or five months that the master promoted me to the rank of ducks. My province was to examine the lessons of my 30 school fellows to correct their mistakes and report to the master with whatever note of blame or of approval I thought they deserved. But my strictness did not last long for idle boys soon found out the way to enlist my sympathy. When their Latin lesson was full of mistakes they would buy me off with cutlets and roast chickens. They even gave me money. These proceedings excited my covetousness or rather my gluttony and not satisfied with levying attacks upon the ignorant I became a tyrant and I refused well merited approbation to all those who declined paying the contribution I demanded. At last unable to bear my injustice any longer the boys accused me and the master seeing me convicted of extortion removed me from my exalted position. I would very likely have fared badly after my dismissal had not fate decided to put an end to my cruel apprenticeship. Dr. Godsey who was so attached to me called me privately one day into his study and asked me whether I would feel disposed to carry out the advice he would give me in order to bring about my removal from the house of the Sclavonian woman and my admission in his own family. Finding me delighted at such an offer he caused me to copy three letters which I sent one to the Abbey Grimani another to my friend Baffel and the last to my excellent Grandam. The half year was nearly out and my mother not being in Venice at that period there was no time to lose. In my letters I gave a description of all my sufferings and I prognosticated my death where I not immediately removed from my boarding house and placed under the care of my school master who was disposed to receive me but he wanted two sequence a month. Em Grimani did not answer me and commissioned his friend Ottaviani to scold me for allowing myself to be ensnared by the doctor but Em Baffel went to consult with my grandmother who could not write and in a letter which he addressed to me he informed me that I would soon find myself in a happier situation and truly within a week the excellent old woman who loved me until her death made her appearance as I was sitting down to my dinner. She came in with the mistress of the house and the moment I saw her I threw my arms around her neck crying bitterly and the lady soon joined me she sat down and took me on her knees my courage rose again in the presence of the Fsklavonian woman I enumerated all my grievances and after calling her attention to the food fit only for beggars which I was compelled to swallow I took her upstairs to show her my bed I begged her to take me out and give me a good dinner after six months of such starvation the boarding housekeeper boldly asserted that she could not afford better for the amount she had received and there was truth in that but she had no business to keep house and to become the tormentor of poor children who were thrown on her hands by stinginess and who were required to be properly fed my grandmother very quietly intimated her intention to take me away forthwith and asked her to pull all my things in my trunk I cannot express my joy but for the first time I felt that kind of happiness which makes forgiveness compulsory upon the being who enjoys it and causes him to forget all previous unpleasantness my grandmother took me to the inn and dinner was served but she could hardly eat anything in her astonishment at the veracity with which I was swallowing my food in the meantime Dr. Gotsy to whom she had sent notice and his appearance soon pre-possessed her in his favor he was then a fine looking priest 26 years of age chubby modest and respectful in less than a quarter of an hour everything was satisfactorily arranged between them the good old lady counted out 24 sequence for one year of my schooling and took a receipt for the same but she kept me with her for three days in order to have me clothed and to get me a wig as the filthy state of my hair made it necessary to have it all cut off at the end of the three days she took me to the doctor's house so as to see herself to my installation and to recommend me to the doctor's mother who desired her to send or to buy in Padua a bedstead and bedding but the doctor having remarked that his own bed being very wide I might sleep with him my grandmother expressed her gratitude for all his kindness and we accompanied her as far as the Burqiallo she had engaged to return to Venice the family of Dr. Godsey was composed of his mother who had great reverence for him because a peasant by birth she did not think herself worthy of having a son who was a priest and still more a doctor in divinity she was plain and of his father a shoemaker by trade working all day long and never addressing a word to anyone not even during the meals he only became a sociable being on holidays on which occasions he would spend his time with his friends in some tavern coming home at midnight as drunk as a lord and singing verses from Tasso when in this blissful state he kept his mind to go to bed and became violent if anyone attempted to compel him to lie down wine alone gave him sense and spirit for when sober he was incapable of attending to the simplest family matter and his wife often said that he never would have married her had not his friends taken care to give him a good breakfast before he went to the church the Dr. Godsey had also a sister called Bettina which of thirteen was pretty lively and a great reader of romances her father and mother scolded her constantly because she was too often looking out of the window and the doctor did the same on account of her love for reading this girl took at once my fancy without my knowing why and little by little she kindled in my heart the first spark of a passion which afterwards became in me a ruling one six months after I had been an inmate in the house the doctor found himself without scholars they all went away because I had become the sole object of his affection he then determined to establish a college and to receive young boys as borders but two years passed before he met with any success during that period he taught me everything he knew true it was not much yet it was enough to open to me the high road to all sciences he likewise taught me the violin an accomplishment which proved very useful to me in a peculiar circumstance the particulars of which I will give in good time the excellent doctor who was in no way a philosopher made me study the logic of the peripatetics and the cosmography of the ancient system of telomy at which I would laugh raising the poor doctor with theorems to which he could find no answer his habits moreover were irreproachable and in all things connected with religion although not a bigot he was of greatest strictness and admitting everything as an article of faith nothing appeared difficult to his conception he believed that the alluge to have been universal and he thought that before that great cataclysm men lived a thousand years and conversed with God that Noah took one hundred years to build the ark and that the earth suspended in the air is firmly held in the very center of the universe which God had created from nothing when I would say and prove that it was absurd to believe in the existence of nothingness he would stop me short and call me a fool he could enjoy a good bed a glass of wine and cheerfulness at home with good jests or criticisms because it easily turns to slander and he would laugh at the folly of men reading newspapers which in his opinion always lied and constantly repeated the same things he asserted that nothing was more troublesome than in certitude and therefore he condemned thought because it gives birth to doubt his ruling passion was preaching for which his face and his voice qualified him his congregation was almost entirely composed of women of whom however he was the sworn enemy so much so that he would not look them in the face even when he spoke to them weakness of the flesh and fornication appeared to him the most monstrous of sins and he would be very angry if I dare to assert that in my estimation they were the most venial of faults his sermons were crammed with passages from the Greek authors which he translated into Latin one day I ventured to remark that those passages ought to be translated into Italian because women did not understand Latin any more than Greek but he took offence and I never had afterwards the courage to allude any more to the matter moreover he praised me to his friends as a wonder because I had learned to read Greek alone without any assistance but a grammar during Lent in the year 1736 my mother wrote to the doctor and as she was on the point of her departure for St. Petersburg she wished to see me and requested him to accompany me to Venice for three or four days this invitation sent him thinking for he had never seen Venice never frequented good company and yet he did not wish to appear novice in anything we were soon ready to leave Padua and all the family escorted us to the Burchello my mother received the doctor with a most friendly welcome but she was strikingly beautiful and my poor master felt very uncomfortable not daring to look her in the face and yet called upon to converse with her she saw the dilemma he was in and thought she would have some amusing sport about it should opportunity present itself I in the meantime drew the attention of everyone in her circle everybody had known me as a fool and was amazed at my improvement in the short space of two years the doctor was overjoyed because he saw that the full credit of my transformation was given to him the first thing which struck my mother unpleasantly was my light-colored wig which was not in harmony with my dark complexion and contrasted most woefully with my black eyes and eyebrows she inquired from the doctor why I did not wear my own hair and he answered that with a wig it was easier for his sister to keep me clean everyone smiled at the simplicity of the answer but the merriment increased when to the question made by my mother whether his sister was married I took the answer upon myself and said that Bettina was the prettiest girl of Padua and was only 14 years of age my mother promised a doctor a splendid present for his sister on condition that she would let me wear my own hair and he promised her that her wishes would be complied with the perook maker was then called and I had a wig which matched my complexion soon afterwards all the guests began to play cards with the exception of my master and I went to see my brothers in my grandmother's room François show me some architectural designs which I pretended to admire Jean had nothing to show me and I thought him a rather insignificant boy the others were still very young at the supper table the doctor seated next to my mother was very awkward he would very likely not have said one word had not an Englishman a writer of talent addressed him in Latin but the doctor being unable to make him out modestly answered that he did not understand English which caused much hilarity Mbafo however explained the puzzle by telling us that Englishman read and pronounced Latin in the same way that they read and spoke their own language and I remarked that Englishman were wrong as much as we would be if we pretended to read and pronounced their language according to Latin rules the Englishman pleased with my reasoning wrote down the following old couplet and gave it to me to read after reading it aloud I had exclaimed this is Latin indeed we know that's at my mother but can you explain it to explain it is not enough I answered it is a question which is worthy of an answer and after considering for a moment I wrote the following pentagram I wrote the following pentagram I wrote the following pentagram I wrote the following pentagram I wrote the following pentagram I wrote the following pentagram for a moment I wrote the following pentameter the she quod a domino nomina servus habet this was my first literary exploit and I may say that in that very instant the seed of my love for literary fame was sown in my breast for the applause lavished upon me exalted me to the very pinnacle of happiness the Englishman quite amazed at my answer said that no boy of eleven years had ever accomplished such a feat embraced me repeatedly and presented me with his watch my mother inquisitive like a woman asked M Grimani to tell her the meaning of the lines but as the abbey was not any wiser than she was M Bafo translated it in a whisper surprised at my knowledge as she rose from her chair to get a viable gold watch and presented to my master who not knowing how to express his deep gratitude treated us to the most comic scene my mother in order to save him from the difficulty of paying her a compliment offered him her cheek he had only to give her a couple of kisses the easiest and the most innocent thing in good company but the poor man was on burning coals and so completely out of continents that he would I truly believe rather have died than give the kisses he drew back with his head down and he was allowed to remain in peace until we retired for the night when we found ourselves alone in our room he poured out his heart and exclaimed that it was a pity he could not publish in Padua the distich of my answer and why not I said because both are obscene but they are sublime let us go to bed and speak no more on the subject your answer was wonderful because you cannot possibly know anything of the subject in question or the manner in which verses ought to be written as far as the subject was concerned I knew it by theory for unknown to the doctor if he had forbidden it I had read Meurcius but it was natural that he should be amazed at my being able to write verses when he who had taught me prosody never could compose a single line Nemo dat quad non habit is a false axiom when applied to mental acquirements four days afterwards as we were preparing for our departure my mother gave me a parcel for Bettina and M Grimani presented me with four sequins to buy box a week later my mother left for St. Petersburg after our return to Padua my good master for three or four months never ceased to speak of my mother and Bettina having found in the parcel five yards of black silk and twelve pairs of gloves became singularly attached to me and took such good care of my hair that in less than six months I was able to give up wearing the wig she used to comb my hair every morning often before I was out of bed saying that she had not time to wait until I was dressed she washed my face my neck my chest lavished on me childish caresses which I thought innocent but which caused me to be angry with myself because I felt that they excited me for fear is younger than she was it seemed to me that she could not love me with any idea of mischief and the consciousness of my own vicious excitement put me out of temper with myself when seated on my bed she would say that I was getting stouter and would have the proof of it with her own hands she caused me the most intense emotion but I said nothing for fear she would remark my sensitiveness and when she would go on saying that my skin was soft the tickling sensation made me draw back angry with myself that I did not dare to do the same to her but delighted at her not guessing how I longed to do it when I was dressed she often gave me the sweetest kisses calling me her darling child but whatever wish I had to follow her example I was not yet bold enough after some time however Bettina I became more daring and returned her kisses with interest but I always gave way the moment I felt a wish to go further I then would turn my head pretending to look for something and she would go away she was scarcely out of the room before I was in despair at not having followed the inclination of my nature and astonished at the fact that Bettina could do to me all she was in the habit of doing without feeling any excitement from it while I could hardly refrain from pushing my attacks further I would every day determined to change my way of acting in the early part of autumn the doctor received three new borders and one of them who was 15 years old appeared to me in less than a month on very friendly terms with Bettina this circumstance caused me a feeling until then I had no idea and which I only analyzed a few years afterwards it was neither jealousy nor indignation but a noble contempt which I thought ought not to be repressed because Cordiani an ignorant course boy without talent or polite education the son of a simple farmer and incapable of competing with me in anything having over me a sense of dawning manhood did not appear to me a fit person to be preferred to me my young self esteemed whispered that I was above him I began to nurse a feeling of pride mixed with contempt which told against Bettina whom I loved unknown to myself she soon guessed it from the way I would receive her caresses when she came to comb my hair while I was in bed I would repulse her hands today vexed at my answering her questions as to the reason of my change towards her by stating that I had no cause for it she told me in a tone of commiseration that I was jealous of Cordiani this reproach sounded to me like a debasing slander I answered that Cordiani was in my estimation as worthy of her as she was worthy of him she went away smiling but revolving in her mind the only way by which she could be revenge she thought herself bound to render me jealous however as she could not attain such an end without making me fall in love with her this is the policy she adopted one morning she came to me as I was in bed and brought me a pair of white stockings of her own knitting after dressing my hair she asked my permission to try the stockings on herself she said that she had a good deficiency in the other pairs she intended to knit for me the doctor had gone out to say his mass as she was putting on the stockings she remarked that my legs were not clean and without any more ado she immediately began to wash them I would have been ashamed to let her see my bashfulness I let her do as she liked not foreseeing what would happen Bettina seated on my bed carried too far her love for cleanliness and her curiosity caused me such intense voluptuousness that the feeling did not stop until it could be carried no further having recovered my calm I bethought myself that I was guilty and begged her forgiveness she did not expect this and after considering for a few moments she told me kindly that the fault was entirely her own but that she never would again be guilty of it and she went out of the room leaving me to my own thoughts they were of a cruel character it seemed to me that I had brought this honour upon Bettina that I had betrayed the confidence of her family offended against the sacred laws of hospitality that I was guilty of a most wicked crime which I could only atoned for by marrying her in case Bettina could make up her mind to accept for her husband a wretch unworthy of her these thoughts let early seized her morning visits by my bedside during the first week I could easily account for the girls reserve and my shyness would soon have taken the character of the warmest love had nod her manners towards Cordiani inoculated in my veins the poison of jealousy although I never dreamed of accusing her of the same crime towards him that she had committed upon me I felt convinced after due consideration that the act she had been guilty of with me had been deliberately done and that her feelings of repentance kept her away from me this conviction was rather flattering to my vanity as it gave me the hope of being loved and the end of all my comingings was that I made up my mind to write to her and thus to give her courage I composed a letter short but calculated to restore peace to her mind whether she thought herself guilty or suspected me of feelings contrary to those which her dignity might expect from me my letter was in my own estimation a perfect masterpiece and just the kind of epistle by which I was certain to conquer her very adoration and to sing for ever the son of Cordiani whom I could not accept as the sort of being likely to make her hesitate for one instant in her choice between him and me half an hour after the receipt of my letter she told me herself that the next morning she would pay me her usual visit but I waited in vain this conduct provoked me almost to madness but my surprise was indeed great when at the breakfast table she asked me whether I would let her dress me up as a girl to accompany her five or six days later to a ball for which a neighbor of ours Dr. Olivo had sent letters of invitation everybody having seconded the motion I gave my consent I thought this arrangement would afford a favorable opportunity for an explanation for mutual vindication and would open a door for the most complete reconciliation without fear of any surprise arising from the proverbial weakness of the flesh but a most unexpected circumstance prevented our attending the ball and brought forth a comedy with a truly tragic turn Dr. Godsey's godfather a man advanced in age and in easy circumstances residing in the country thought himself after severe illness very near his end and sent to the doctor a carriage with a request to come to him at once with his father as he wished them to be present at his death and to pray for his departing soul the old shoemaker drained the bottle dawned his Sunday clothes and went off with his son I thought this a favorable opportunity and determined to improve it considering that the night of the ball was too remote to suit my impatience I had therefore managed to tell Bettina that I would leave a jar at the door of my room and that I would wait for her as soon as everyone in the house had gone to bed she promised to come she slept on the ground floor in a small closet divided only by a partition from her father's chamber the doctor being away I was alone in the large room the three boarders had their apartment in a different part of the house and I had therefore no mishap or fear I was delighted at the idea that I had at last reached the moment so ardently desired the instant I was in my room I bolted my door and opened the one leading to the passage so that Bettina should have only to push it in order to come in I then put my light out but did not undress when we read of such situations in a romance we think they are exaggerated they are not so and the passage in which Arriosto represents Roger waiting for Alcine is a beautiful picture painted from nature until midnight I waited without feeling much anxiety but I heard the clock strike two three four o'clock in the morning without seeing Bettina my blood began to boil and I was soon in a state of furious rage it was snowing hard but I shook from passion more than from cold one hour before daybreak unable to master any longer my impatience I made up my mind to go downstairs with bare feet so as not to wake the dog and to place myself at the bottom of the stairs within a yard of Bettina's door which ought to have been opened if she had gone out of her room I reached the door it was closed only from the inside I imagined that Bettina had fallen asleep I was on the point of knocking at the door but was prevented by fear of wrath or four yards overwhelmed with grief and unable to take a decision I sat down on the last step of the stairs but at daybreak chilled, benumbed shivering with cold afraid that the servant would see me and would think I was mad I determined to go back to my room I am that I am going to see her and hope lending me new strengths I draw near to the door it opens but instead of Bettina coming out I see Cordiani who gives me such a furious kick in the stomach that I am thrown at a distance deep in the snow without stopping a single instant Cordiani is off and locks himself up in the room which he shared with the brothers Filtrini I pick myself up quickly with the intention of taking my revenge upon Bettina whom nothing could have saved from the effects of my rage at that moment but I find her door locked I kick vigorously against it the dog starts a loud barking and I make a hurried retreat to my room in which I lock myself up throwing myself in bed and heal up my mind and body for I was half dead deceived, humbled ill-treated an object of contempt to the happy and triumphant Cordiani I spent three hours ruminating the darkest schemes of revenge to poison them both seemed to me but a trifle in that terrible moment of bitter misery this project gave way to another as extravagant as cowardly namely to go at once to her brother and disclose everything to him I was twelve years of age and my mind had not yet acquired sufficient coolness to mature schemes of heroic revenge which are produced by false feelings of honor this was only my apprenticeship in such adventures I was in that state of mind when suddenly I heard outside of my door the gruff voice of Bettina's mother who begged me to come down adding that her daughter was dying as I would have been very sorry if she had departed this life before she could feel the effects of my revenge I got up hurriedly and went downstairs and surrounded by the whole family half dressed nearly bent into she was throwing her body now to the right now to the left striking at random with her feet and with her fists and extricating herself by violent shaking from the hands of those who endeavored to keep her down with this sight before me and the night's adventure still in my mind I hardly knew what to think I had no knowledge of human nature no knowledge of artifice and tricks and I could not understand why I found myself coolly witnessing such a scene and composedly calm in the presence of two beings one of whom I intended to kill and the other to dishonor at the end of an hour Bettina fell asleep a nurse and Dr. Olivo came soon after the first said that the convulsions were caused by hysterics but the doctor said no and prescribed rest and cold baths I said nothing but I could not refrain from laughing at them for I knew or rather guessed that Bettina's sickness was the result of her nocturnal employment or of the fright which she must have felt at my meeting with Cordiani at all events I determined to postpone my revenge until the return of her brother although I had not the slightest suspicion that her illness I had to pass through Bettina's closet and seeing her dress handy on the bed I took it into my head to search her pockets I found a small note and recognizing Cordiani's handwriting I took possession of it to read it in my room I marveled at the girl's imprudence for her mother might have discovered it and being unable to read would very likely have given it to the doctor her son had taken leave of her senses but my feelings may be appreciated when I read the following words as your father is away it is not necessary to leave your door ajar as usual when we leave the supper table I will go to your closet you will find me there when I recovered from my stupor I gave way to an irresistible fit of laughter and seeing how completely I had been duped I was cured of my love Cordiani appeared to me deserving of forgiveness and Bettina of contempt I congratulated myself upon having received a lesson of such importance for the remainder of my life I even went so far as to acknowledge to myself that Bettina had been quite right in giving the preference to Cordiani who was 15 years old while I was only a child yet in spite of my good disposition and kindness the kick administered by Cordiani was still heavy upon my memory and I could not help keeping a grudge against him at noon as we were at dinner in the kitchen where we took our meals on account of the cold weather Bettina began again to raise piercing screams everybody rushed to her room but I quietly kept my seat and finished my dinner after which I went to my studies in the evening when I came down to supper I found that Bettina's bed had been brought to the kitchen closed by her mother's but it was no concern of mine and I remained likewise perfectly indifferent to the noise made during the night and to the confusion which took place in the morning when she had a fresh fit of convulsions Dr. Godsey and his father returned in the evening what my intentions were but I rushed towards him with an open pen knife in my hand and he beat a hasty retreat I had entirely abandoned the idea of relating the night's scandalous adventure to the doctor for such a project I could only entertain in a moment of excitement and rage the next day the preamble that she had discovered was that it was caused by a spell thrown over her by a witch and that she knew careful not to make a mistake who is the witch of it how so I have barred the door of my room with two broomsticks placed in the shape of a cross which she must have undone to go in but when she saw them she drew back and she went round by the other door it is evident that where she not a witch she would not be afraid of touching them it is not complete evidence dear mother send the woman to me the servant made her appearance why said the doctor did you not enter my mother's room this morning through the usual door I do not know what you mean did you not see the st. Andrews cross on the door what crosses that where did you sleep last Thursday night at my nieces who had just been confined nothing of the sort you were at the witch's sabbath you are a witch and have bewitched my daughter the poor woman indignant at such an accusation spits at her mistresses face the mistress enraged gets hold of a stick the doctor endeavours to keep his mother back but he is compelled to let her loose and to run after the servant who was hurrying down the stairs screaming and howling in order to rouse the neighbors he catches her and finally succeeds and pacifying her with some money after this comical but rather scandalous exhibition the doctor donned his vestments for the purpose of exercising his sister meaning whether she was truly possessed of an unclean spirit the novelty of this mystery attracted the whole of my attention all the inmates of the house appeared to me either mad or stupid for I could not for the life of me imagine that diabolical spirits were dwelling in Bettina's body when we drew near her bed her breathing had to all appearance stopped and the exorcisms of her brother Dr. Olivo happened to come in at that moment and inquired with upon which he left saying that he had no faith in any miracles except in those of the gospel soon after Dr. Godsey went to his room and finding myself alone with Bettina I bent down over her bed and whispered in her ear take courage get well again in my discretion she turned her head towards the wall and did not answer me but the day passed off without any more convulsions I thought I had cured her but on the following day the frenzy went up to the brain and in her delirium she pronounced at random Greek and Latin words without any meaning and then no doubt whatever was entertained of her being possessed of the evil spirit her mother went out accompanied by the most renowned exorcist of Padua a very ill featured Capuchin called Friar Prospero da Povolenta the moment Bettina saw the exorcist she burst into loud laughter and addressed to him the most offensive insults which fairly delighted everybody as the devil alone could be bold enough to address a Capuchin in such a manner but the holy man who called an obtrusive ignoramus and a stinker went on striking Bettina with a heavy crucifix saying that he was beating the devil he stopped only when he saw her on the point of hurling at him the chamber utensil which she had just seized if it is the devil who has offended thee with his words she said resent the insult with words likewise jackass that thou art but if I have offended thee myself learn stupid booby that thou must respect me and be off at once I could see poor Dr. Godsey blushing the Friar however held his ground and armed at all points began to read a terrible exorcism at the end of which he commanded the devil to state his name my name is Bettina it cannot be for it is the name of a baptized girl then thou art of opinion that a devil must rejoice in a masculine name learn ignorant Friar that a devil is a spirit and does not belong to either sex but to answer me with truth and I will engage to give way before thy incantations very well I agree to this tell me then are thou thinking that thy knowledge is greater than mine no but I believe myself more powerful in the name of the Holy Trinity and by my sacred character if thou are more powerful than I then prevent me from telling the unpalatable truths thou art very vain of thy beard thou art combing and dressing it ten times a day and thou wouldst not shave half of it to get me out of this body cut off thy beard and I promise to come out father of lies I will increase thy punishment a hundred fold I dare thee to do it after saying these words Bettina broke in such a loud peel of laughter that I could not refrain from joining in it the Capuchin turning towards Dr. Godsey told them that I was wanting in faith and that I ought to leave the room which I did remarking that he had guessed rightly I was not yet out of the room when the friared offered his hand to Bettina for her to kiss and I had the pleasure of seeing her spit upon it this strange girl made rare sport of the friar without causing any surprise to see what her purpose was in playing such a part the Capuchin dined with us and during the meal he uttered a good deal of nonsense after dinner he returned to Bettina's chamber with the intention of blessing her but as soon as she caught sight of him she took up a glass full of some black mixture sent from the apothecary and threw it at his head and the cordiani being close by the friar came in for a good share of liquid an accident which afforded me the greatest delight Bettina was quite right to improve her opportunity as everything she did was of course put to the account of the unfortunate devil not over much pleased friar prospero as he left the house told the doctor that there was no doubt that the exorcist must be sent for since he had not himself obtained God's grace to eject the evil spirit after he had gone Bettina kept very calm for six hours and in the evening to our great surprise she joined us at the supper table she told her parents that she felt quite well spoke to her brother and then addressing me she would come to my room in the morning to dress my hair like girls I thanked her and said that as she had been so ill she ought to nurse herself she soon retired to bed and we remained at the table talking to her when I was addressing for the night I took up my nightcap and found in it a small note with these words you must accompany me to the ball disguised as a girl in a sight which will cause you to weep I waited until the doctor was asleep and I wrote the following answer I cannot go to the ball because I have fully made up my mind to avoid every opportunity of being alone with you as for the painful sight with which you threaten to entertain me I believe you capable of keeping your word but I entreat you to spare my heart as if you were my sister I have forgiven you dear Bettina and I wish to forget everything I enclose a note which you must be delighted to have again in your possession you see what risk you were running when you left it in your pocket this restitution must convince you of my friendship End of Chapter 2 Chapter 1 Volume 1 This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by J. C. Iguan The Memoirs of Jacques Casanova Volume 1 The Venetian Years Translated by Arthur Rachen Episode 1 Childhood Chapter 3 Bettina Father Manchia the smallpox I leave Padua Bettina must have been in despair not knowing into whose hands her letter had fallen to return it to her and thus to allay her anxiety was therefore a great proof of friendship but my generosity at the same time that it freed her from a keen sorrow must have caused her another quite as dreadful for she knew that I was master of her secret Codiani's letter was perfectly explicit it gave the strongest evidence that she was in the habit of receiving him every night and therefore the story she had prepared to deceive me was useless I felt it was so and being disposed to calm her anxiety as far as I could I went to her bedside in the morning and placed in her hands Codiani's note and my answer to her letter the girl's spirit and talent had won my esteem I could no longer despise her I saw in her only a poor creature seduced by her natural temperament she loved man and was to be pitied only on account of the consequences believing that the view I took of the situation was the right one I had resigned myself like a reasonable being the shame was for her and not for me I had only one wish namely to find out whether the two brothers Feltrini Codiani's companions had likewise shared Bettina's favours Bettina put on throughout the day a cheerful and happy look in the evening she dressed herself for the ball but suddenly an attack of sickness with her feints or real I did not know as for myself knowing the whole affair I was prepared for new scenes and indeed for sad ones for I felt that I had obtained over her a power repugnant to her vanity and self-love I must however confess that in spite of the excellent school in which I found myself before I had attained manhood and which ought to have given me experience as a shield for the future I have through the whole of my life been the dupe of women twelve years ago if it had not been for my guardian angel I would have foolishly married a young, thoughtless girl with whom I had fallen in love now that I am seventy-two years old I believe myself no longer susceptible to such follies but alas that is the very thing which causes me to be miserable the next day the family was deeply grieved because the devil of whom Bettina was possessed had made himself master of her reason Dr. Gottzi told me that there could not be the shadow of a doubt that his unfortunate sister was possessed as if she had only been mad she never would have so cruelly ill-treated the Capuchin Prospero and he determined to place her under the care of Father Manchia was a celebrated Jacobin or Dominican exorcist who enjoyed the reputation of never having failed to cure a girl possessed of the demon Sunday had come Bettina had made a good dinner but she had been frantic all through the day towards midnight her father came home singing tasso as usual and so drunk that he could not stand and after kissing her affectionately he said to her thou art not mad my girl her answer was that he was not drunk thou art possessed of the devil my dear child yes father and you alone can cure me well I am ready upon this our shoemaker begins a theological discourse expatiating upon the power of faith and upon the virtue he throws off his cloak takes a crucifix in one hand places the other over the head of his daughter and addresses the devil in such an amusing way that even his wife always a stupid doll cross grained old woman had to laugh till the tears came down her cheek the two performers in the comedy alone were not laughing and this serious continent of the performance I marveled at Bettina who was always ready to enjoy a good laugh having sufficient control over herself to remain calm and grave Dr. Gottzi had also given way to merriment but begged that the farce should come to an end for he deemed that his father's eccentricities were as many profanations against the sacredness of exorcism at last the exorcist saying that he was certain that the devil would not disturb his daughter during the night on the morrow just as we had finished our breakfast Father Manchia made his appearance Dr. Gottzi followed by the whole family escorted him to his sister's bedside as for me I was entirely taken up by the farce of the monk here is his portrait his figure was tall and majestic his age about 30 he had light hair and blue eyes his features were close to those of Apollo but without his pride and assuming hotness his complexion dazzling white was pale but that paleness seemed to have been given for the very purpose of showing off the red coral of his lips through which could be seen when they opened two rolls of pearls he was neither in sin nor with his countenance enhanced its sweetness his gait was slow his air timid an indication of the great modesty of his mind when we entered the room Bettina was asleep or pretended to be so Father Manchia took a sprinkler and threw over her a few drops of holy water she opened her eyes looked at the monk and closed them immediately look at him laid herself on her back let her arms droop down gently and with her head petally bent on one side she fell into the sweetest of slumbers the exorcist standing by the bed took out his pocket ritual and the stall which he put round his neck then a reliquary which he placed on the bosom of the sleeping girl and with the ear of a saint saw that God should let him know whether the patient was possessed or only laboring under a natural disease he kept us kneeling for half an hour reading all the time in a low tone of voice Bettina did not stir tired I suppose of the performance he desired to speak privately with Dr. Gottzi they passed into the next room out of which they emerged after a quarter of an hour by a loud peel of laughter from the mad girl who, when she saw them turned her back on them Father Manchia smiled dipped the sprinkler over and over in the holy water gave us all a generous shower and took his leave Dr. Gottzi told us that the exorcist would come again on the morrow and that he had promised to deliver Bettina within three hours if she were truly possessed of the demon she promised if it should turn out to be a case of madness the mother exclaimed that he would surely deliver her and she poured out her thanks to God for having allowed her the grace of beholding a saint before her death the following day Bettina was in a fine frenzy she began to utter the most extravagant speeches that a poet could imagine and did not stop when the charming exorcist came into her room she enjoyed her foolish talk for a few minutes after which, having armed himself Keppa Pea he begged us to withdraw his order was obeyed instantly we left the chamber and the door remained open but what did it matter who would have been bold enough to go in during three long hours we heard nothing the stillness was unbroken at noon the monk called us in Bettina was there sad and very quiet while the exorcist packed up his things he took his departure saying he had very good hopes of the case and requesting that the doctor would send him news of the patient Bettina partook of dinner in her bed got up for supper and the next day behaved herself rationally but the following circumstance strengthened my opinion it was neither insane nor possessed it was two days before the purification of the holy virgin Dr. Gottzi was in the habit of giving us the sacrament in his own church but he always sent us for our confession to the church of St. Augustine in which the Jacobins of Padua officiated at the supper table he told us to prepare ourselves for the next day and his mother all of you to confess to Father Manchia so as to obtain absolution from that holy man I intend to go to him myself Cordiani and the two Feltrini agreed to the proposal I remained silent but as the idea was unpleasant to me I concealed the feeling with a full determination to prevent the execution of the project I had entire confidence that I was capable of making a false one but knowing that I had a right to choose my confessor I most certainly never would have been so simple as to confess to Father Manchia what had taken place between me and the girl because he would have easily guessed that the girl could be no other but Bettina besides I was satisfied that Cordiani would confess everything to the monk and I was deeply sorry early the next morning and gave me the following letter spurred me but respect my honor and the shadow of peace to which I aspire no one from this house must confess to Father Manchia you alone can prevent the execution of that project and I need not suggest a way to succeed it will prove whether you have some friendship for me I could not express the pity I felt for the poor girl as I read that note in spite of that feeling this is what I answered I can well understand that notwithstanding the inviolability of confession your mother's proposal should cause you great anxiety but I cannot see why in order to prevent its execution you should depend upon me rather than upon Cordiani who has expressed his acceptance of it all I can promise you is that I will not be one of those who may go to Father Manchia but I have no influence over your lover you alone can speak to him she replied I have never addressed a word to Cordiani since the fatal night which has sealed my misery and I neither will speak to him again even if I could by so doing recover my last happiness to you alone I wish to be indebted for my life and for my honor the girl appeared to me more wonderful than the ones of whom I had read in novels it seemed to me that she was making sport of me with the most bare faced effrontery I thought she was trying to fatter me again with her chains and although I had no inclination for them I made up my mind to render her the service she claimed at my hands and which she believed I alone could compass she felt certain of her success but in what school had she obtained her heart was it in reading novels most likely the reading of a certain class of novels causes the ruin of a great many young girls but I am of opinion that from good romances they acquire graceful manners and a lullage of society having made up my mind to show her every kindness in my power I took an opportunity as we were undressing for the night of telling Dr. Godsey that for conscientious motives he confessed to Father Manchia and yet that I did not wish to be an exception in that matter he kindly answered that he understood my reasons and that he would take us all to the church of Saint Antoine I kissed his hands in token of my gratitude on the following day everything having gone according to her wishes I saw Bettina sit down to the table with a face beaming with satisfaction in the afternoon in consequence of a wound in my foot the doctor accompanied his pupils to church and Bettina being alone availed herself of the opportunity came to my room and sat down on my bed I had expected her visit and I received it with pleasure as it heralded an explanation for which I was positively longing she began by expressing a hope that I would not be angry with her for seizing the first opportunity she had of some conversation with me no I answered for you thus afford me an occasion of assuring you that my feelings toward you being those of a friend only you need not have any fear of my causing you any anxiety or pleasure therefore Bettina you may do whatever suits you my love is no more you have at one blow given the death stroke to the intense passion which was blossoming in my heart in my room after the ill treatment I had experienced at Cordianni's hands I felt for you nothing but hatred that feeling soon merged into utter contempt but that sensation itself was in time when my mind recovered its balance changed for feeling of the deepest indifference which again has given way when I saw what power there is in your mind I have not become your friend I have conceived the greatest esteem I have been the dupe of it but no matter that talent of yours does exist it is wonderful divine I admire it I love it and the highest homage I can render to it is in my estimation to foster for the possessor of it the purest feelings of friendship reciprocate that friendship be true sincere and plain dealing give up all nonsense for you have already obtained from me the very thought of love is repugnant to me I can bestow my love only where I feel certain of being the only one loved you are at liberty to lay my foolish delicacy to the account of my youthful age but I feel so and I cannot help it you have written to me that you never speak to Cordianni if I am the cause of that rupture between you I regret it and I think that in the interest of your honor I must be careful never to give him any grounds for umbrage or suspicion recollect also that if you have tempted him by the same maneuvers which you have employed towards me you are doubly wrong for it may be that if he truly loves you you have cost him to be miserable all you have just said to me and said Bettina is grounded upon false impressions and deceptive appearances I do not love Cordianni I have felt and I do feel for him a hatred which he has richly deserved and I hope to convince you in spite of every appearance which seems to convict me as to the reproach of seduction I entreat you to spare me such an accusation on our side consider that if you had not yourself thrown temptation in my way I never would have committed towards you an action of which I have deeply repented but which you must learn from me the fault I have been guilty of is a serious one only because I did not foresee the injury it would do me in the inexperienced mind of the ingrate who dares to reproach me with it Bettina was shedding tears all she had said was not unlikely and rather complimentary to my vanity but I had seen too much besides I knew the extent of her cleverness and it was very natural to lend her a wish to deceive me how could I help thinking that her visit to me was prompted only by herself love being too deeply wounded to let me enjoy a victory so humiliating to herself therefore unshaken in my preconceived opinion I told her that I placed implicit confidence in all she had just said respecting the state of her heart previous to the playful nonsense I loved for her and that I promise never in the future to allude again to my accusation of seduction but I continued confess that the fire at that time burning in your bosom was only of short duration and that the slightest breath of wind had been enough to extinguish it your virtue which went astray for only one instant and which has so suddenly recovered its mastery over your senses deserves some praise for you with all your deep adoring love for me became all at once blind to my sorrow whatever care I took to make it clear to your sight it remains for me to learn how that virtue could be so very dear to you at the very time that Corgiani took care to wreck it every night Bettina eyed me with the air of triumph which perfect confidence and victory and said you have just reached the point where I wished you to be you shall not be made aware of things which I could not explain before owing to your refusing the appointment which I then gave you for no other purpose than to tell you all the truth Corgiani declared his love for me a week after he became an inmate in our house he begged my consent to a marriage if his father made the demand of my hand as soon as he could my answer was that I did not know him sufficiently that I could form no idea on the subject and I requested him not to allude to it anymore he appeared to have quietly given up the matter but soon after I found out that it was not the case he begged me one day to come to his room now and then to dress his hair I told him I had no time to spare and he remarked that you were more fortunate I laughed at this reproach as everyone here knew that I had the care of you it was a fortnight after my refusal to Corgiani that I unfortunately spent an hour with you in that loving nonsense which has naturally given you ideas until then unknown to your senses that hour made me very happy I loved you and having given way to every natural desires I rivalled in my enjoyment without the slightest remorse of conscience I was longing to be again with you the next morning but after supper Miss Fortune laid for the first time its hands upon me Corgiani slipped in my hands this note and this letter which I have since hidden in a hole on the wall with the intention of showing them to you at the first opportunity seeing this Bettina handed me the notes and the letter the first ran as follows I admit me this evening in your closet the door of which you are or prepare yourself to make the best of it with the doctor to whom I intend to deliver if you should refuse my request the letter of which I enclose a copy and of part one of episode one chapter three