 Hey, Psych2Goers, close your eyes and think of the word love. What comes to mind? Is it an image of you holding a loved one close, or a picture of your beloved pet that you can see? Now, think of the word obsession instead. You probably imagined a pop star being chased by their crazed fans, or maybe a hobby you love doing. The difference between love and obsession is often blurred due to the feeling of extreme passion and emotional attachment to the subject being a key component of both. However, obsession can lean towards being an unhealthy and dangerous expression of love when taken to extremes regardless of the type of relationship, whether it's platonic or romantic. Here are eight signs to warn you that what you or someone else may be feeling is obsession, not love. 1. Threatened by Independence A relationship thrives when both parties are encouraged to maintain their own relationships with themselves first and foremost. Healthy relationships consist of two healthy individuals who acknowledge and accept responsibility for themselves and are capable of contributing to an external relationship from a grounded and centered place. An obsessed lover would have difficulty allowing their significant other the space to build on their independence due to a lack of security within themselves. Some examples include not allowing a partner to pursue a hobby individually, feeling threatened when a partner wants to hang out with friends individually, or not allowing a partner to pursue their own career path without consulting them first. 2. Boundaries are ignored The most healthy expressions of love always allow for boundaries to be respected between said two. If you choose to speak up about needing space for your well-being, note the kind of response you receive after expressing your need. Is it supportive and understanding, or is it angry and defensive? Love involves patience and willingness to allow your loved one what they need, especially if it will benefit their health and well-being, even if it goes against your own belief, desire, or direction for the relationship. Obsession is choosing to ignore the needs and boundaries of another in favor of your own. 3. Extremely controlling behavior According to psychologist Holly Richards, controlling behavior occurs when a person is feeling insecure with themselves, therefore causing them to exert control over others to regain a sense of control over their environment. Dictating what you're allowed to wear, choosing the friends you're allowed to spend time with, or even monitoring where you go throughout your day, are all examples of controlling behavior. In obsessive friendships, a friend who keeps you from making new friends or becomes upset when you hang out with other existing friends might be exhibiting signs of controlling behaviors as well. 4. Not engaging in other activities During the early phases of a relationship or newfound friendship, it may seem normal to be caught up in a honeymoon bubble of sorts, one that disconnects you from the day-to-day world. Bending time with this person might be the only thing on your mind and vice versa. However, losing your sense of groundedness and detaching from your existing support systems such as friends and family might be a sign of obsession rather than love. Notice if you're becoming disinterested in aspects of your life that have little or nothing to do with your new partner or friend, like school, family, or hobbies for example. If you find yourself distracted to the point of losing care for how the rest of your life is progressing, be sure to reassess and readjust. 5. Blocking out others A supportive lover or friend could be a breath of fresh air when you need time away from stressful family members or friendship drama. An obsessive lover or friend, however, might take advantage of your dependence upon their support and attempt to convince you that they're the only one you need and that no one else should matter. This may seem harmless on the surface, but in actuality, behavior like this consists of controlling undertones with selfish motives. In time, obsessed lovers or friends want to train you to believe that their attention is the only one you desire, which allows them to keep you under their control without interference from your friends or family. 6. Moving too fast in the relationship If you notice that your new significant other is in a rush to progress your relationship together, this may be a warning sign of obsession on their part. Are you feeling pressured to officiate your relationship with them publicly too quickly? Or perhaps they're asking serious questions about the future involving marriage, kids, and joint finances at a rate that makes you feel uncomfortable. Someone who is in love with you will understand the weight of the questions they're posing and won't rush you because they understand you deserve to have the time to decide for yourself if they're the right one for you. A person that is obsessed with you will attempt to bypass your logical reasoning and corner you into rushing in with them, in turn making them feel secure without considering your comfort. 7. Demanding constant contact Feeling restricted and being pressured to keep in constant contact with your friends or significant other can be a red flag. A person who is obsessed with you might not outwardly demand that you text them throughout the day or report on your whereabouts from hour to hour, but they may condition you to believe that it's the best thing for you to do for your relationship with them through passive-aggressive behavior. They may convince you that they are wracked with anxiety for your safety or guilt-trip you into feeling as if you're a bad partner or friend for not talking to them enough throughout your day. While it's normal for everyone to experience separation anxiety within a relationship, be sure you understand the difference. 8. Tracking without consent On the extreme end of obsession, behaviors that trespass privacy such as keeping track of someone without their consent can be seen as threatening and dangerous to the well-being of the person being tracked. If you or a loved one is concerned this may be happening to yourself or someone you love, please be sure to notify the closest help you can find. Unless you and a loved one are a super spy or working for an undercover agency, know that finding tracking devices on yourself, your accessories, or transportation vehicles should not be accepted as normal or appropriate behavior. So, do you relate to any of the signs we've mentioned here? Obsession can be a harmless component of a healthy relationship, but honest assessment and reflection are required to determine whether extreme levels of passion and admiration are causing discomfort for either party. Love without respect for another's personal needs and growth is not shared love, but selfish and demeaning at the core. Learning to love yourself and allowing others this space to grow into self-love is one way to help your relationship develop healthily. Did you find this video valuable? Tell us in the comments below. Please like and share it with friends that might find use in the video as well. And please make sure to subscribe to Psych2Go and hit the notification bell for more content. All the references used are added in the description box below. Thanks for watching and we'll see you next time.