 Chapter 9 of Sons of Fire by Mary Elizabeth Brighton This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. So grew my own small life complete. After the incident of that September night there was no longer the shadow of doubt in Alan's mind as to the relations between his father and the Lady of Disco Manor that they had known each other and loved each other in their youth he was now fully convinced. This last strange act of Mrs. Warnock's was to his mind the strongest link in the chain of evidence. Whatever the relations between them had been guilty or innocent and finally as he loved his father he feared there had been guilt in that association. It was his duty to prevent any meeting between them. Thus the mere sight of that pale spiritual face with its singular youthfulness of expression should reawaken in his father's breast some faint ghost of the passion that had lived and died a quarter of a century ago. Nor did his respect for his honest-minded, trustful-hearted mother permit him to tolerate the idea of friendly intercourse between her and this mysterious rival from the shadow land of vanished years. He took care therefore to discourage any idea of visiting the Manor and he carefully avoided any further talk of Mrs. Warnock lest his father's closer questioning should bring about the disclosure of her identity. His father's manner when the lady was first discussed had shown him very clearly that the description of her gifts and fancies coincided with the memory of someone known in the past. But it had been also clear that neither the name of Warnock nor the lady's position at Discombe had any association for Mr. Carew if he had known and loved her in the past he had known and loved her before she married old Jeffrey Warnock. His anxiety upon his father's account was speedily set at rest for Mr. Carew after exploring his son's small and strictly popular library where among rows of handsomely bound standard works there were practically no books which appealed to the scholar's taste. Soon we read of unstudious ease and announced a stern necessity for going to London where a certain defunct Hebrew scholar's library lay and ecclesiastical was to be sold at Hodgson's. He would put up for a few days at the old fashioned hotel which he had used since he was an undergraduate. Part or about among the bookshops look up some references he wanted in the museum reading room and meet his wife at Liverpool Street on her way home. Lady Emily, absorbed in her son and her son's love affair, agreed most amably to this arrangement. Telegraph your day and hour for returning when you have bought all the books you want, she said, I'm afraid you spend more money on those dreadful old books which nobody in Suffolk cares a straw about than I do on my farm which people come to see from far and wide. And a great nuisance your admirers are, Emily, I'm very glad the Suffolk people are no book lovers and I hope you will never hint to anybody that my books are worth seeing. I could not say anything so untrue, your shelves are full of horrors. Now Allen's library here is really delightful, Blackwood's magazine from the beginning, Macaulay, Scott, Dickens, Zachary, Bower, Lever, Marriott and all of them so handsomely bound. I think my brother showed excellent taste in literature that I doubt if he ever read much, but as you seem happier in your library than anywhere else, I suppose one must forgive you for spending a fortune on books that don't interest anybody else and one can't help being a little bit proud of your scholarship. And so they kissed and parted with the unimpassioned kiss of marriage which has never meant more than affectionate friendship. Lady Emily stood at the hall door while her husband drove off to the station and then turned gaily to her son and said, Now Allen, I am yours to command. Let me see as much as possible of that sweet young thing you are in love with. Shall we go and call on her this afternoon? She has a white cat which may someday provide her with kittens to distribute among her friends and if so, I am to have one to bring up by hand as I did Snowdrop. You remember Snowdrop? Allen kissed his mother before he answered, but not for Snowdrop's sake. I have a vague recollection of something white and fluffy hanging to the skirt of your gown that I used to tread upon. Yes, you were horrid. You very nearly killed him. Shall we go? Please, please, please, Mother dearest, I am ready. This instant, three o'clock, we shall get there at half past and if we lured her looking at white kittens or the mother of potential kittens till half past four, she will give us tea and we can make an afternoon of it. Hadn't I better put on a bonnet, Allen? No, no, you will go in your hat just as you are. You will treat her without the slightest ceremony. Treat her as your daughter. Do you know, Mother, I am uncommonly glad you never honored me with a sister. Why, Allen? Because if I marry Suzette, she will be your only daughter. There will be no one to be jealous of her in Suffolk or here. What a foolish fancy will give me a daughter as soon as you like. I'm getting old, Allen, and your father's secluded habits leave me very often alone. His books are more his companions than I am. Ah, but you know how he loves you, Mother. Interrupted, Allen. They were on their way to the gate by this time. Lady Emily in her traveling hat and loose tan gloves, just as she had been going about the gardens and meadows in the morning, Allen twirling his stick in very gladness of heart. They were going to her. If she were out, they would go and find her at her aunts at the Vic Ridge on the Lynx yonder anywhere but at Discomb. He hoped she had not gone to Discomb. Yes, he is fond of me. I believe in his own way. There never was a better husband, Lady Emily answered thoughtfully. But I know, Allen, I know. What, Mother? I know that I was not his first love. That I was only a peasale. That there is something wanting in his life and always must be till the end. I should brood over it all, perhaps, Allen, and end by making myself very unhappy if it were not for my farm but all those living creatures occupy my mind. One living fox terry is worth a whole picture gallery. Suzette was at home. The aftermath had been cut in the meadow in front of Marsh House, a somewhat swampy piece of ground at some seasons but tolerably dry just now. After a hot summer, Suzette and Bessie Edgefield were tossing the scented grass in the afternoon sunshine and fancying themselves useful haymakers. They threw down their hay forks at the approach of visitors and there was no more work done that day. They all sat in the garden talking or wandered about among the flowers in a casual way. And while Bessie and Lady Emily were looking at the contents of the only greenhouse, Allen found himself alone with Suzette in a long gravel walk on the other side of the lawn-like meadow along all the length of which there was a broad border filled with old-fashioned perennials that had been growing and spreading and multiplying themselves for half a century. A row of old meddler and hazel trees sheltered this border from the north wind and hid the boundary fence. Dear old garden, cried Allen, how much nicer an old garden is than a new one. I hope you don't mean to disparage your garden at Beechhurst. Our gardener is always complaining of the old age of all things here. Everything is worn out, the trees, the shrubs, the frames, the greenhouse. One ought to begin again from the very beginning. He says he would be charmed with Beechhurst, where all things are so neat and trim. Cock-kneed trimness, I'm afraid, but if you are satisfied with it, if you think it not altogether a bad garden, I think it a delightful garden, says Suzette, blushing at that word satisfied, which implied so much. I am glad of that, said Allen, with a deep sigh of content, as if some solemn question had been settled. And you, like my mother, very much indeed, but how you skipped from the garden to Lady Emily, and you approve of the Mandarin Room? It is one of the handsomest rooms I ever saw. Then take them, Suzette, he cried eagerly with his arm round her waist, drawing the slim figure to his breast, holding and dominating her by force of will and strength of arm, smiling down at her with adoring eyes. Have them, dearest mother garden room, they are all your own, for they belong to your very slave. They are at your feet as I am. Do you call this being at my feet? She asked, setting herself suddenly free, with a joyous laugh, you have a very important way of offering your gifts. Not impertinent, only desperate. I remembered my repulse of the other day, and I swore to myself that I would hold you in my arms, once at least, if only once, even if you were to banish me into outer darkness for the next moment. And I have done it, and I am glad. But you won't banish me, will you, Suzette? You must need to know how I love you, how long and patiently I have loved you. Long, patiently, why we only met at mid-summer. Ah, consider the age that every day on which I did not see you has seemed to me, and the time would hardly come within your powers of computation. Suzette be merciful, say you love me, were it ever so little, were it only a love grain of mustard seed, I know it would grow into a wide and spreading tree by and by, and all the days of my life would be happy under its shelter. You would think me curiously inconsistent if I owned to loving you after what I said the other day. Faulted Suzette, looking down at the flowers. I should think you adorable. She was only serious for a moment, and then her natural guillotine prevailed. Do you know that my aunt lectured me severely when I confessed to having refused your flattering offer? Did she really, how utterly sweet of her? After that, you cannot refuse me again. Your aunt would shut you up and feed you upon bread and water, as fathers and mothers used to do with rebellious daughters in the 18th century. I hardly think she would treat me quite so ferociously for saying no, but I think she would be pleased if I were to say yes. And that means yes, my love, my own. He cried in a rapture so swift and sudden that he had clasped her to his breast and snatched the kiss of the troller before she could check his impulsiveness. You are my very own, he said, and I am the happiest man in England. Yes, the happiest. Did I say in England? What a contemptible notion. I cannot conceive the idea that anywhere upon this earth there beats a human heart so full of gladness. As mine, Suzette, Suzette, Suzette, he repeated tenderly with a kiss for each comma. What a whirlwind you are, that she remonstrated. And what a rag you were making of my frock. Oh, Alan, how you have hurried me into this. And even now I am not quite sure you are sure that I adore you. What more need my wife be sure of? Oh, my darling, I have seen wedlock where no love is, only affection and trustfulness and kindly feeling. All the domestic virtues with love left out. Dearest, such a union is like a picture of this color blind, like music to the stone deaf, like a landscape without sunlight. There is nothing in this world like love, and nothing can make up for love when love is wanting. And nothing can make up for love when love is wanting, repeated Suzette suddenly series. Oh, Alan, what if I am not sure if I doubt my own feelings? But you can't doubt. My dearest, I am reading the signs and tokens of love in those eloquent eyes in those sensitive lips while you are talking of doubt. There is no one else. Is there, Suzette? He asks with quick earnestness, no one in the past whose image comes between you and me. No one, no one. In all your Indian experiences, no one. Then I am more than satisfied. And now let us go and tell my mother she has been waiting for her daughter ever since I was born. And behold, at last I am giving her one the sweetest her heart could desire. Suzette submitted and walked by his side in silence while he went in search of Lady Emily, whom he finally discovered in his older yard with Bessie Edgefield. Alan's elated air and Suzette's blushes were a sufficient indication of what had happened. And when mother and son had class pans and looked at each other, there was no need of words. Lady Emily took the girl to her heart and kissed her. I hope your father will be pleased, Suzette. I don't think he will be sorry. And I know Mrs. Mornington will be glad. Alan has her consent in advance. Auntie is a very silly woman, laughingly. And then she had to endure Bessie Edgefield's congratulations, which were of the boisterous kind. Of course, you will let me be bridesmaid, she said, with that vulgar practical view of things, which wounds the sense of goodness of the newly betrothed almost as much as an estimate from a furniture dealer or a circular from an insurance office. End of Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Of Sons of Fire by Mary Elizabeth Braddon, this LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Our dreams pursue our dead and do not find. Miss Vincent's engagement met with everybody's approval with the one exception of the marriageable young ladies of the neighborhood who thought that Alan Carew had made a foolish choice and might certainly have done better for himself. What good could come of marrying a girl who was neither English nor French? We'd been educated in a Parisian convent and who drove to Salisbury every Sunday morning to hear Mass. What uncomfortable Sundays they will have one of these young ladies remarked to Bessie Edgefield and then how hard for him to have a wife of a different creed. They are sure to quarrel about religion isn't the vicar dreadfully shocked. It is rather sorry that Mr. Carew should marry a Roman Catholic. There is always the fear that he might go over to Rome. Of course, he is sure to do that. It will be the only way to stop the quarreling. She will make him a pervert. Mrs. Mornington on the other hand, flattered herself that by her marriage with a member of the English church her niece would be brought to see the heirs of Rome and would very soon make her appearance in the DP beside her husband. Lady Emily cherished the same hope since although a less hardened church woman than Mrs. Mornington she believed in Anglicanism as the surest road to salvation and she dwelt also upon the difficulties that might arise by and by about the poor dear children talking of those potential beings as if they were already on the scene. Here, General Vincent tried to reassure the anxious mother I have talked to your son he said and he is willing that it shall be with him and Suzette as it was with her dear mother and me if there are children the sons are to follow their father's religion the daughters their mothers well I suppose that kind of compromise is best though no Roman priest will approve of it and then there is the sad idea of the brothers and sisters being separated by their agonistic opinions I hope Suzette will come round to our way of thinking I doubt it very much she is as firm as a rock dear girl she is so young and there is plenty of time while other people were thinking about these things for him Alan had no room for thought of any kind unless fond meditation upon the image of the girl he loved could be dignified by the name of thought for Alan life was a dual ecstasy to be with Suzette in her own home at the grove on the links anywhere to be with her was all he needed for bliss for his sake his mother had prolonged her stay at Beechhurst in order that the two young people might be together in the house where they were to live as man and wife it was Alan's delight to make Suzette familiar with her future home he wanted her to feel that this was the house in which she was to live that under her father's roof she was no longer at home that her books the multifarious trifles and prettinesses which her girlhood had accumulated might as well be transferred at once to the sunny boat window upstairs room which was to be her den it was now a plainly furnished matter of fact morning room a room in which the Admiral had kept his boots cigar boxes and business documents and transacted the fussy futilities of his unoccupied life which had been built up with shelves and artful cupboards for the accommodation of the Admiral's cigars would serve excellently to set off Suzette's zoological China her dresden pugs and rats and lobsters and pigs and rabbits her morsels of silver and scraps of rock copper would adorn the shelves and offer little odds and ends and never to be finished bits of fancy work could be neatly stowed away in the cupboards that won't you want those dear little cubby houses cigars as Suzette it seems too cruel to rob you of your uncle's snuggery I've no doubt you smoke just as much as the Admiral not cigars my humble pipe and pouch can stow themselves away anywhere I only smoke cigars out hunting and I keep a box or two in the saddle room for handiness no this is to be your room Suzette I've imagined you in it until it seems so to belong to you that I feel I am taking a liberty in writing a letter here when are you going to bring the dresden bow, wows and the elephants and mice and lobsters and donkeys all about about size by the way oh I could not possibly spare them Suzette answered quickly making for the door they had come in to look at the room and for Suzette to give her opinion as to the color and style of the new papering it was to be amorous paper although that would entail new carpet and curtains and the complete revolution as to coloring spare them echoed Alan detaining her who wants you to spare them when will you bring them with you when are you coming to take possession of the house which is no home for me until you are mistress of it this was by no means the first time the question had been asked again and again had Alan pleaded that his marriage might be soon there was no reason why he should wait for his wife his position was established his house was ready a house as well found as that flagship had been on whose quarter deck the Admiral had moved as a king why should he wait he could never love his future wife more dearly than he loved her now all the framework of his life would be out of gear till he had brought her home to the house which seemed joyless and empty for want of her when is it to be Suzette when am I to be completely happy what are you not happy par exempla you talked about overwhelming happiness when I said yes that was the promise of happiness that lifted me to the skies but it was only the promise I am pining for the realization I want you all to myself to have and to hold forever and ever beside my heart interwoven with my life mine always and always no longer a bright capricious spirit glancing about me like a gleam of sunshine and vanishing like the sun beam but a woman my very own of one mind and of one heart Suzette if you love me you will not spend out the time of dreams you will give yourself to me really and forever there was an earnestness in his tone that scared her the blushes faded from her cheeks and she looked at him pale and startled and sudden tears rushed to her eyes you said you would give me time she faltered time to know you better to be certain and then recovering her gaiety in an instant now Alan it is too bad of you did I not tell you that I would not be married till my one and twentieth birthday why do you tease me to alter the date surely you don't want to marry an infant and your birthday will be on the 23rd of June Alan rather suddenly nearly a year from now nearly a year from October to June what odd ideas you have about arithmetic and now I must run and find Lady Emily we are going to drive to Morton Towers together Alan made way for her to pass followed her downstairs vexed and disheartened his mother was to leave him next day and then there would be one house the less in which he and Suzette could meet the house which was to be their home he had not visited Mrs. Warnock since her nocturnal perambulation and he had prevented his mother paying her a second visit albeit the hope of a white peacock and a certain interest in that widow's personality had made Lady Emily anxious to call at the manner Alan had found reasons for putting off any such call without saying one disparaging word about the lady he had heard of Mrs. Warnock from Suzette who reproached him for going no more to discone I did not know you were so fickle she said I really think you have behaved abominably to poor Mrs. Warnock she has always asked me why you don't go to see her and I'm tired of inventing excuses Suzette was at the manner every other day was teaching her to play the organ is it not sweet of her she asked Alan and though I don't suppose she ever gave anyone a lesson in her life till she began to teach me she has the teaching gift in a marked degree I love to learn of her I can play some simple things of hiding not altogether badly perhaps you will do me the honor to come and hear me someday when I have got a little further I will go to hear you tomorrow if I may what then you have no objection to discone in the abstract though you have cut poor Mrs. Warnock for the last six weeks I was so much occupied with my mother and your mother wanted badly to call upon Mrs. Warnock and you always put a stumbling block in her way but I am happy to say Lady Emily is to have the white peacock all the same she is to have a pair of birds I have taken care of that like a good and thoughtful daughter when Alan came back from the station after seeing his mother safely seated in the London train he found a letter from Mrs. Warnock on the hall table a hand-delivered letter which had just arrived it was brief and to the point why have you deserted me Alan have I unconsciously offended you where is there no room in your heart for friendship as well as love I hear of your happiness from Suzette but I want to see you in your sweetheart roaming about the gardens here as in the old days before you were engaged lovers now that Lady Emily is leaving Beechers you will have time to spare for me the letter seemed to reproach and he felt that he deserved to be reproached by her how kind she had been how sympathetic how interested in his love story and what an ingrate he must appear in her eyes he did not wait for the following morning and that music lesson lest Mrs. Warnock should think he went to Disco only on Suzette's account he set out immediately after reading that reproachful little letter and walked through the lanes to the manor house it was four o'clock when he arrived and Mrs. Warnock was at home and alone the swelling tones of that wonderful organ answered his question on the threshold no beginner could play with that broad strong touch which gave grandeur to the simple phrases of an agnesty by Palestrina she started up as Alan was announced and went quickly to meet him giving him both her hands this is so good of you she exclaimed my dear Mrs. Warnock why should I be offended I have received nothing but kindness from you I thought you might be angry with me for refusing the invitation through your lunch and party it would have been very important of me to be angry when I know what a recluse you are it is a month since you were here a whole calendar month why didn't you bring Lady Emily to see me but perhaps she did not wish to come was that so no Mrs. Warnock he answered coldly your mother wished to call upon you and you prevented her yes why did you do that dare I be frank with you yes yes yes you cannot be too frank I love you Alan always remember that you are to me as a second son her warmth startled and scared him his face flushed hotly and he stood before her in mute embarrassment if the secret of the past was indeed the guilty secret which he had suspected there was utter shamelessness in this speech of hers Alan why are you silent because there are some things that can hardly be said least of all by a man of my age to a woman of yours there is nothing that you can say to me Alan about myself or my regard for you that can bring a blush to my face or to yours there is nothing in my life of which I need to be ashamed in your sight or in the sight of my son forgive me forgive me if my secret thoughts have sometimes wronged you there has been so much to surprise and mystify me your agitation on hearing my father's name your painful embarrassment when I brought my mother here and last and most of all your secret visit to Beechhurst when my father was there what you know of that yes I saw your face at the open window looking in at him she clasped her hands and there were tears in her eyes yes she faltered after a silence of some moments I was looking at the face I had not seen for nearly 30 years the face looked at me like a ghost from the past and had no knowledge of me no care for me I knew that he could not be dead I have sought for him in the spirit world again and again and again in long days and nights of waiting in my dreams in long far reaching thoughts that have carried my soul away from this dull earth but there was no answer not a thought not a breath out of that unseen world where my spirit would have touched his had he died while he was young and while he loved me but he lived and grew old like me and found a new love and so we are as wide apart as if we had never met I stood in the darkness outside your window for nearly an hour looking at him listening to his voice when he spoke the dear kind voice that was not changed it is true then you knew and loved my father years ago yes knew him and loved him and would have been his wife if it had been for his happiness to marry me think of that Alan I was to have been his wife and I gave him up for his own sake why did you do that why should you not have married him because I was only a poor girl and he was a gentleman the only son of a rich widow and his mother would never have forgiven him for such a marriage I knew nothing of that when he asked me to be his wife I only knew that we loved each other truly and dearly but just before the day that was to have been our wedding day his mother came to me and told me that if I persisted in marrying him I should be his wife it would be social extinction for him to marry me social extinction I remember those words though I hardly knew then what they meant I was not 18 Alan and I knew less of the world than many children of eight but I did not give up my happiness without a struggle there was strong persuasion brought to bear upon me and at last I yielded for his sake and blighted his life explained Alan my mother is the best of women and the best and kindest of wives but I have always known that my father's marriage was a loveless marriage well he went on recovering himself quickly apprehensive bestie should cheapen his mother's position by revealing too much you acted generously and no doubt for the best and making that sacrifice and all has worked round well you married a good man and secured a position of more importance than my father's smaller means could have given you position means she repeated in bitterscorn oh Alan you think so poorly of me as to suppose that it was Mr. Warnock's wealth which attracted me I married him because he was kind and sympathetic and good to me in my loneliness up people at a German conservatoire living with stony hearted people who only cared for me to the extent of the money that was paid for my board and lodging and who were always saying hard things to me because they had agreed to take me so cheaply too cheaply they said I used to feel as if I were cheating them when I sat watching meals and I was thankful that I had a wretched appetite you were cruelly used dear Mrs. Warnock I can just remember my grandmother and I know she was a hard woman she had no right to interfere with her son's disposal of his life no she had no right if I had known even as much of the world as I know now when Miss Marjoram Mrs. Beardsford's messenger came to me I would have acted differently I know now that a gentleman need not be ashamed of marrying a sex girl if there is nothing against her but her poverty but then I believed what Miss Marjoram told me believed that I should blight the life of the man who loved me with such generous self-sacrificing love why should he alone be generous and I selfish and indifferent to his welfare but how did he suffer you to sacrifice yourself at his mother's bidding he had no power to stop me it was all settled without his knowledge I hope he was not very sorry dear dear George so generous so true noble oh how I loved him how I have loved him all my life all my life my husband knew that I had no heart to give him that I could be his obedient wife but that I could never love him as I had loved again her sobs choked her speech she threw herself into a chair and abandoned herself to that passionate grief dear Mrs. Warnock forgive me for having revived these sorrowful memories I was wrong I ought not to have spoken no no there is nothing to forgive it does me good to talk of the past with you Alan with you not with anyone else and now you know why my heart went out to you from the first why you are to me almost as a son almost as dear as my own son and your future wife as my daughter it does me good to talk to you of that time so long and long ago it does me good to talk of my dead self I've never forgotten the past has always been dear to me than anything in this life that came afterwards I do not think my father has forgotten anymore than you have Mrs. Warnock I know that there has always been a cloud over his life the shadow of one sad memory I felt and understood this without knowing whence the shadow came he was too true hearted to forget easily Mrs. Warnock said gently and we were both so young I was his first love as he was mine and when a first love is pure and strong as ours was it must be first and last must it not Alan yes the answer had doubtfully remembering certain sketchy loves of his own and hoping that they could hardly be ranked as love so that he might believe that his passion for Suzette was essentially the first essentially if not actually no I have never forgotten Mrs. Warnock repeated musingly seating herself at the piano and softly touching the notes now and then playing a few bars a pensive melody so to voce as she talked now a phrase from an endaggio of Beethoven's now a resolution from a prelude by Bach dropping gravely down into the bass with softly repetitive phrases from piano to pianissimo melting into silence like a sigh no I've never forgotten and I've suffered from the pains as well as the pleasures of memory before my son was born and after there was a long interval of darkness when I lived only in the past when the shadows of the past were more real to me than the living things of the present when my husband's face was dim and unreal and that dear face from the past was near me with the kind smile that comforted me in my desolate youth yes I loved a melon, loved him and gave him up for his own sake and now you tell me my sacrifice was useless but even with the wife his mother chose for him a kind good wife he has not been altogether happy his life has been plastered studious kindly and useful it may be that he was best fitted for that calm secluded life it may be that if you had taken the more natural and the more selfish course so doing part of him forever from his mother who was a proud woman capable of lifelong resentment it may be that remorse might have blighted his life and that even your love would not have consoled him under the conviction that he had broken his mother's heart I know that after her strong-mounted masterful fashion she adored him he was all she had in this world to love or care for and it is quite possible that a lasting quarrel with him might have killed her dear Mrs. Warnock pray do not think that your sacrifice was altogether in vain no such self-surrender as that can be without some good fruit I do not pretend to be a holy person but I do believe in the power of goodness and consider dear friend your life has not been all unhappy you had a kind and good husband good he was more than good and for over a year of our married life I was a burden to him he was an exile from the home he loved for my sake for me who ought to have brightened his home for him but that was only a dark interval said Alan remembering what Mrs. Mornington had told him of the long residence at Grindelwald and the birth of the heir in that remote spot there were happier days afterwards yes we had a few peaceful years here before death took him from me and while our boy was growing in strength and beauty and in these long years of widowhood music has been your comforter in your devotion to art you have lived a higher life yes she answered with an inspired look striking a triumphant chord music has been my comforter music has conjured back my dead father my lost lover music has been my life and my hope end of chapter 10 chapter 11 of Sons of Fire by Mary Elizabeth Bratton this the revox recording is in the public domain the master of disco Mrs. Warnock's Frank Revelation of her girlish love and self-sacrifice lifted a burden from Alan's heart and mind he had been interested in her and attracted towards her from that first summer noon tide when he studied her thoughtful face in the village church and when he lingered among the villagers graves to hear her play his sympathy had grown with every hour he spent in her society and he had been deeply grateful for the friendship which had so cordially included him and the girl he loved it had been very painful to him to believe that this sweet-mannered woman belonged to the fallen ones of the earth that her graces were the graces of a Magdalen most painful to think that she was no fitting companion for the girl who had so readily responded to her friendly advances the cloud was lifted now he felt ashamed of all his past doubts and suspicions he respected Mrs. Warnock for her refusal to meet his father in the beaten way of friendship he was touched by the devotion which had brought her creeping to his windows under the cover of night to look upon the face of her beloved he resolved that he would do all that in him lay to atone for the wrong his thoughts had done her that he would be to her as a second son and that he would cultivate her son's friendship in a brotherly spirit he stopped in the corridor on the morning after that interview to study the portrait of the young man whose likeness to himself had now resolved itself into a psychological mystery and he could but see that it was a likeness of the mind rather than of the flesh a resemblance in character and expression far more than in actual appearance he is vastly my superior in looks thought Alan as he studied the lines of that boldly painted face he has his mother's finely chisel features his mother's delicate coloring there is a shade of effeminacy otherwise the face would be almost faultless and to mistake this face for that absurd mothered Alan catching the reflection in the Venetian glass that hung at right angles with the picture he heard the organ while the footman paused with his hand on the door waiting to announce the visitor the simpler music the weaker touch told him that the pupil was playing please don't stop he cried as he went in I want to hear if the pupil is worthy of her mis-vis Mrs. Warnock came to meet him and Suzette went on playing with only a smile and a nod to her sweetheart she is getting on capitally she has a real delight in music announced Mrs. Warnock how happy you are looking this morning I've had good news my son is on his way home I congratulate you he is coming home for his long leave I shall have him for nearly a year how happy you will be I've just been studying his portrait you are so like him oh only a rough copy a charcoal sketch on course paper most of said Alan with a curious laugh he was watching Suzette to see if she were interested in the expected arrival she played on her eyes intent alternately upon the page of music in front of her and upon the stops which she was learning to use there was no stumbling in the notes or halting in the time she played the simple legato passages smoothly and carefully and seemed to pay no heed to their talk Alan would have been less than human perhaps if his first thought on hearing of Geoffrey's return had not been of the influence he might exercise upon Suzette whether in him she would recognize the superior and more attractive personality no he thought ashamed of that jealous fear which was so quick to foresee arrival Suzette has given me her heart and it must be my own fault if I can't keep it women are our superiors that they are not so easily caught by the modeling of a face or the rich tones of a complexion and shall I think so meanly of my sweet Suzette as to suppose that my happiness is in danger because someone more attractive than myself appears upon the scene when we spend our first season in London as man and wife she will have to run the gauntlet of all the agreeable men in town soldiers and sailors, actors and painters ingenuous young adores and hoary headed flatterers the whole army of Satan that maketh war upon innocence and beauty no I'm not afraid she has a fine brain and a noble heart she is not the kind of woman to jilt a lover or betray a husband I'm safe and loving her he had need to comfort himself for the hour of trial was nearer than he thought he went to discone before luncheon on the morning after he had heard of Geoffrey's return expecting to find Suzette at the organ and to hear the latter part of the lesson he was not a connoisseur but he loved music well enough to love to hear his sweetheart play and to be able to distinguish every shade of improvement in her performance today however the organ was silent the youth who blew the bellows was chasing a wasp in the corridor and the room into which Allen was ushered was empty the ladies are in the garden sir here no thanks I'll go and look for the ladies the autumn morning was bright and mild and one of the French windows was open Allen hurried out to the garden and looked down the Cyprus avenue the long perspective of smooth shaven lawn was empty there was no one loitering by the fountain they were in the summer house the classic temple where Mrs. Warnock had sunk into unconsciousness at the sound of his father's name where he had lived through the most exciting experience of his life he could distinguish Mrs. Warnock's black gown and Suzette's terracotta frock a cloth frock from the Salisbury tailor which he had greatly admired but there was another figure that puzzled him an unfamiliar figure in gray a man's figure never had the grass walk seem so long or the temple so remote yes that third figure was decidedly masculine there was no optical delusion no stranger no petticoat hidden behind the marble table as he drew nearer he saw that the intruder was a young man sitting in a lounging attitude with his arms resting on the table and his shoulders leaning forward to bring him nearer to the two ladies seated opposite he felt that it would be undignified to run but he walked so fast and as eagerness to discover the identity of the interloper that he was in an undignified perspiration he arrived Alan, poor Alan, how you have been running exclaimed Suzette I was vexed with myself for losing the whole of your organ lessons said Alan shaking hands with Mrs. Warnock and gazing at the stranger as out of ghost yes it was Jeffrey Warnock even his hurried reflections during that hurried walk had told Alan that it must be he and none other no one else would be admitted to the familiarity of the garden and summer house Mrs. Warnock had no casual visitors no intimate friends except Suzette and himself there has been no organ lesson this morning Alan, Mrs. Warnock told him her face radiant with happiness Suzette and I have been surprised out of all sober occupations and ideas this son of mine took it into his head to come home nearly a fortnight before I expected him he arrived as suddenly as if he had dropped from the skies he did not even telegraph to be met at the station a telegram would have taken the edge off the surprise mother said the man in grey standing up tall and straight but slenderly built Alan felt himself a course gladiatorial sort of person beside this elegant and refined looking young man nor was there anything effeminate about that graceful figure to which an envious critic could take exception soldiering had given that air of manliness which can coexist with a red paper figure and a girlish waist Jeffrey this is Alan of whom you know so much they tell me that you and I are very much alike Mr. Karoo said Jeffrey with a pleasant laugh and my mother tells me that you and I are to take kindly to each other and in fact she expects to see us by way of being adopted brothers I don't quite know what that means whether we are to ride each other's horses and make free with each other's guns or go haves in a yacht or a racehorse I want you to like each other to be real friends said Mrs. Warnock earnestly then don't say another word about it mother friendship under that kind of protecting influence rarely comes to any good but I'm quite prepared to like Mr. Karoo on his own account and I hope he may be able to like me on the same poor grounds he had an airy way of dismissing the subject which set them all at their ease and steered them away from the rocks and shoals of sentiment Mrs. Warnock who had been on the verge of weeping smiled again and led Jeffrey off to look at the gardens and all the improvements which had been affected during his three years absence leaving the lovers to follow or not as they pleased the lovers stayed in the summer house feeding that mother and son would like to be alone and mother and son strolled on side by side looking like brother and sister tenderly slipping her arm through her sons directly they were really alone and out of sight in the old quadrangular garden walled around by dense hedges of cliff islets our garden laid out in a geometrical pattern and with narrow gravel paths intersecting the flower beds the glory of all gardens was over there were only a few lingering dahlias and prim asters lifting up their gaudy disc to the sun and beds of marigolds of different shades from paler shella to deepest orange my dearest how glad I am to have you I begin to live again now that you have come home and I'm very glad to be at home mother answer to her son smiling down upon her fondly protecting me but with that light tone which marked all these said but it seems to me you have been very much alive while I have been away with this young man of yours who is almost an adopted son my heart went out to him Jeffrey because of his likeness to you a dangerous precedent you might meet half a dozen such likenesses in a London season it would hardly do for your heart to go out to them all he would be coming home with a large family by adoption there is no fear of that I don't go into society and I don't think if I did I should meet anyone like Alan Carew Jeffrey could but note the tenderness and her tone as she spoke Alan's name and who is this double of my mother and what is he and how does he come to be engaged to that dainty dark-eyed girl you like says that yes I like her she is a nice winning thing not startlingly pretty but altogether nice I like the way that dark silky hair of hers breaks up into tiny curls about her forehead and she has fine eyes India has made you critical Jeffrey not India but a native disposition mother dearest in India we have often to put up with second most in the way of beauty faded carnations tired eyes hollow cheeks but the young women have generally plenty to say for themselves they can talk and they can dance they are educated for the marriage market before they are sent out his mother laughed and hung on to his arm admiringly in her opinion whatever he said was either wise or witty all his impertinent says were graceful his ignorance was better than other people's knowledge you have not neglected your violin I hope Jeffrey no mother my good little strad has been my friend and comrade in many a quiet hour while the other fellows were playing cars or telling stale stories I should be very glad to play the old burial duets again your fingers have not lost their coming I know I've played a great deal while you were away I've had nothing else to think about except Alan Karoo he is not made much difference he comes and goes as he likes especially when Suzette is here I sit at my organ or piano and let them wonder about and amuse themselves what an indulgent chaperone I knew what the end must be Jeffrey I knew from the first that they were in love with each other at least I knew from the very first that he was in love with her you were not so sure about the lady a girl is too shy to let her feelings be read easily but I could see she liked his society they used to roam about the garden together like children they were too happy not to be in love does being in love mean happiness mother don't you think there is a middle state between indifference and passion a cordial comfortable sympathetic friendship which is far happier than love it has no cold fits of doubt no hot fits of jealousy from your account of these young people I question if they were ever really in love your Karoo looks essentially commonplace I don't give him credit for much imagination you will understand him better and by dearest the mother was looking up at the newly regained son admiring him and beginning to fancy that she had done him an injustice in thinking that Alan resembled him he was much handsomer than Alan and there was something picturesque and romantic in his countenance and bearing which appealed to a woman's fancy a look as of the loveless as endorses of old the courtiers and soldiers who could write a love song on the eve of a bloody battle or dance a minuet at midnight and fight a duel at dawn his manner to his mother was playful and protecting he had not the air of thinking her the wisest of women but no one could doubt that he loved her the summer house was empty when they went back to it and there was a pencil note on the marble table addressed to Mrs. Warnock Alan is going to see me home in time to give father his tiffin and I Mrs. Warnock would like to have the day to yourselves I shall come from my Oregon lesson tomorrow at 11 unless you tell me to stop away ever dear Mrs. Warnock your own Suzette pretty tactful soul of course we want to be alone said Jeffrey reading the note over his mother's shoulder first you shall give me the best lunch that this comb can provide and then we will drive round and look at everything and we will devote the evening to the burial up to town by an early train tomorrow running away from me so soon Jeffrey now mother it's base in gratitude to say that I've hardly given myself breathing time since I landed at Brindisi because I wanted to push home to you first of the very first I shall only be in London a day or two I want to see what kind of horses are being sold at Tatterstalls and I may run down to look at the bell whose hunters remember I haven't a horse to ride there are your old hunters Jeffrey three dear old crocs admirable as pensioners not to carry eleven stone to hounds no mother I'm afraid there's nothing in your stables that will be good for more than a cover hack Mrs. Warnock sighed faintly in the midst of her bliss she had a womanly horror of hunting in all his perils and in her heart of hearts was always on the side of the fox but she knew that without hunting and shooting disco manner would very soon Paul upon her son will a taunt and jack of all trades though he was music alone passionately as he loved it would not keep him contented Alan and Suzette strolled home under the bright blue sky these late days in October were the Indian summer of the year a season in which it was a joy to live especially in a land where the smoke from domestic hearths curling upward here and there in silvery reeds from wood fires only suggested homeliness not filth and fog they sauntered slowly homeward through the rusty glanes and their talk was naturally of the new arrival is he the kind of young man you expected him to be asked Suzette there was no occasion to be more specific in one's mention of him there could be one young man in their thoughts today I don't know that I had formed any expectations about him oh Alan that can't be true you must have thought about him everybody telling you of the likeness remember what you told me in our very first dance how dreadfully bored you had been about him and how glad you were that I didn't know him my being bored and I was horribly was no reason why my imagination should dwell upon him if I thought of him at all I thought of him just as he is the image of his portrait by Malay and a very good looking and well set up young man so much better looking than my humble self but I wonder at any one seeing a likeness between the two faces is he better looking Alan I know I like your face best I'm glad of that since you will have to put up with my face for a lifelong companion Alan how grumpily you said that did I Susie I'm afraid I'm a brute I'm beginning to find out disagreeable depths of my character she looked at him with a puzzle there so sweetly innocent so free from any backward searching thought that made him happy again he took up the little hand hanging loose at her side and kissed it let us drop in upon Aunt Mornington and ask her for lunch he said as they came within sight of Marsh House I don't feel like parting with you just yet Susie quite impossible I must be at home for father's titan I forgot that sacred institution well Susie do you think it's possible the general might ask me to share what we saw me hanging about we could go to the links afterwards so that you might have the pleasure of seeing how wildly I can beat the air Susie laughed her assent through this proposition and general Vincent overtaking them five minutes afterwards on his useful hack sustained an Anglo-Indians reputation for hospitality by immediately inviting Alan to luncheon End of Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Sons of Fire by Maria Elizabeth Briden this LibriVox recording is in the public domain fate intervenes the return of Jeffrey Warnock made no essential difference in the lives of the lovers Susette continued her organ practice Alan continued his visits to the Manor House and Susette and Alan were much oftener Mrs. Warnock's companions than her only son whose restless temper did not allow of his remaining long in any one place and for whom not any of any kind was intolerable he stayed in London for a week buying horses and having brought home a string of four everyone supposed to be matchless he began hunting with the vigor of a man whose appetite for that British sport had been only sharpened by paper chases and polo in the tropics not content with the south serum he traveled up and down the line hunted with the vine from basing stoke and with the HH from Winchester he was up and away in the great November mornings after a 7 o'clock breakfast and seldom home in time for an 8 o'clock dinner on the days when there was no hunting he had he flung himself into the delights of the music room with all the art of musical fanatic and Alan and Suzette were content to listen and make astonishment to performances which were far above the drawing room amateur although marked by certain imperfections and carelessness which seemed inevitable in a player whose art was too fitful for the drudgery of daily practice these musical days were the bright spots and Mrs. Warnock's existence the chief bond of union between mother and son as if music were the only spell which could hold this volatile spirit within the circle of domestic love I like my mother to accompany me said Jeffrey I've played with some prodigious swells but none of them has had her sympathetic touch with an instantaneous comprehension of my spontaneities they expected me to be faultily faultless instead of which I play Dirk Berriot as Chopin used to play Chopin indulging every caprice as to time Jeffrey was occasionally present when one of the organ lessons was in progress he was interested but not so much so as to sit still and listen he carried Alan off to the billiard room or the stable before the lesson was half over what a happy little family we are he said laughingly one day as he and Alan were strolling stable words my mother's almost as fond of your fiancé as if she were her daughter your mother is a very amiable woman as well as a gifted woman gifted yes that's the word she is all enthusiasm there have been no spiritualists or supernatural people here lately I suppose no I'm glad of that my poor mother loses her head when that kind of people are in the way she is ready to believe in their nonsense she wants to believe she wants to see visions and to dream dreams she has secluded herself from the world of the living and she would give half her fortune if she could bring the dead into her drawing room poor dear mother how many weary hours she has spent waiting for materializations that have never materialized I've never been able to convince her that all her spiritualistic friends are pretenders and comedians she tells me she knows that some are charlatans but she believes that their theories are based upon eternal truths she pukes my skepticism with an appeal to the witch of Endor I dare not shock her by confessing that I have my doubts even about the witch of Endor he had a way of making light of his mother's fancies and eccentricities which had in its gaiety no touch of disrespect gaiety was the chief characteristic of his temperament as it was with Suzette a new element of mirthfulness into the life at disco manner but with this happy temperament there was the drawback of an eager desire for change and movement which disturbed the atmosphere of a house whose chief charm to Allen's mind had been its sober quiet its atmosphere of old world peace Allen studied this young man's character closely studied him thought of him much more than he wanted to think of him and vainly struggled against an uneasy feeling that in every superiority of this new acquaintance there lurked a danger to his own happiness he is handsomer than I am, mused Allen in one of his despondent moods he has a gay temper Suzette's own temper which sees all things in the happiest light I sit and watch them listen to them and feel myself worlds away from them both and yet if she were free tomorrow he could never love her as I love her there at least I am the superior he has no such power of concentration as I have to his frivolous nature no woman could ever be all in all these despondent moods were luckily not of long duration on Suzette's part there had not been the faintest sign of wavering and Allen felt ashamed of the jealous fears which fell ever and anon like a black cloud across the sunny prospect of his life however valiantly he might struggle against that lurking jealousy there were occasions upon which he could not master it and his darkest hours were those during which he sat in the music room at home and heard Suzette and Jeffrey playing the concertant duets for violin and piano it seemed to him as the violinist bent over the pretty dark head to turn a leaf or to explain a passage in the piano score that for these two there was a language which he knew not a language in which mind spoke to mind and perhaps heart to heart who could keep the heart together out of the question when that most eloquent of all languages was making its impassioned appeal every long-drawn legato chord upon the strad every delicate diminuendo of the sighing strings the tremulous bow so lightly held in the long lice and fingers sounded like an avowl I love you I love you I love you I love the violin how can you care for that dumb senseless brute yonder while I am telling my love in heavenly as sounds and strange that thrill along every nerve and tremble at the door of your heart how can you care for that dumb dog or care how you hurt him by your inconstancy possessed by these evil fancies Alan started up from his seat in a remote window and began to pace the room in the midst of a de barrio sonata to which Suzette had been promoted after a good deal of practice in less brilliant music what's the matter old fellow asked Jeffrey noting that impatient promenade was I out of tune no you were only too much in tune how do you mean I don't understand is it likely you can me or are you right Alan impetuously you have a language which I have not a sense which is lacking in me you and Suzette are in a paradise whose gate I can't open don't think me an envious churlish kind of fellow if I sometimes grudge you your happiness but my dear Alan you are fond of music you like listening no I don't I have had too much listening too much of being out of it put on your hat Suzette and come for a walk I'm tired to death of your de barrio Mrs. Warnock was sitting a little way from the piano reading she looked up wonderingly at this outburst never before had Alan been guilty of such rough speech in her presence never before had he spoken if our music has not the good fortune to please you I would suggest that there are several rooms in this house where you would not hear it said Jeffrey laying down his fiddle all the brightness had faded from his countenance leaving it very pale Suzette looked from one to the other with an expression of piteous distress the two young men stood looking at each other Alan flushed in fiery waxed in stern with an anger which was stronger than the occasion warranted they were sufficiently alike to make any ill will between them seem like a brother's quarrel you are very good but I would rather be out of doors are you coming Suzette not till I have finished the sonata she answered quietly with a look which reproved his rudeness and then began to play Jeffrey took up his fiddle and the performance was resumed as if nothing had happened Mrs. Warnock rose and went to Alan will you come for a stroll with me Alan she asked taking up the warm Indian shawl which lay on a chair near the window it is not too cold for the garden he could not refuse such an invitation as this though it tortured him to leave those two alone at the piano he opened the window wrapped Mrs. Warnock shawl and followed her to the lawn Alan why were you angry just now she asked why perhaps I better tell you the truth I am miserable when I see the woman I love interested and enthralled by an art in which your son is a master and of which I know hardly the ABC I ask myself if she can care for a creature so inferior as I am if she can fail to receive his superiority jealous Alan oh I am so sorry it was I who proposed that they should play duets it was not Jeffrey's idea I thought it would encourage Susette to go on practicing you don't know the delight the pianist feels in accompanying a violin I think I can imagine it Susette takes very kindly to the concertant practice since I first knew her she is such a talent for music it never occurred to me that you could object it never occurred to you that I could be a jealous fool you might just as well say that for no doubt you think it yes I think you are foolish to be jealous, Susette is as true as steel and I don't believe Jeffrey has the slightest inclination to fall in love with her not at this moment perhaps but who knows what tender feelings that strains may bring however Susette will be leaving the neighborhood I hope in a few days leaving us you hope yes my mother has written to invite her to fendike she is to see the white farm and get acquainted with all our selfish neighbors who declare themselves dying to see her while I am shooting my father's pheasants you are both going away then I shall miss you sadly you will have Jeffrey one day out of six perhaps he will be hunting or shooting all the rest of the week we shall not be away very long I don't suppose general Vincent will spare us his daughter for more than a fortnight or three weeks Susette told me nothing about the invitation she has not received the letter yet the post had not come in when she left home I met the postman on my way here and read my letters as I came along DeBario has been too absorbing to allow of my telling Susette about my mother's letter to me shall we go back unless that sonata is interminable it must have come to an end before now Mrs. Warnock turned immediately she saw Alan's uneasiness and sympathized with him they went back to the music room where there was only silence Susette had left the piano and had put on her hat and jacket she was still standing in front of the music stand turning the leaves of the offending sonata goodbye dear Mrs. Warnock said Susette kissing her friend now Alan I am quite ready Alan and Jeffrey shook hands at parting but not with the usual smiling friendliness how could you be so dreadfully rude Alan Susette said with a pained voice as they walked away from the house you were quite hateful I know that I am astounded at my own capacity for hatefulness I shall play no more concertant duets though I have enjoyed them more than anything in the way of music it was only the most advanced pupils at the Sacré-Cœur who ever had accompanying lessons and such happiness never fell to my share I should be very sorry to interfere with your happiness but I think Susette if you cared for me have as much as I care for you you would understand how it hurts me to see you so completely in sympathy with another man and happy with a happiness which I cannot share why should you not share our happiness Alan you are fond of music I know fond of music yes but I am not a musician I cannot make music as that young man can I cannot speak to you as he speaks to you in that language and yours and not mine I am standing outside your world I feel myself thrust far off from you while he is so near Alan cried Susette with a smile that was a pale shadow of her old sportiveness can you actually be jealous I am afraid I can jealous about a man who is nothing to me except my dear friend's son you know how fond I am of Mrs. Warnock the only real friend I have made since I left the convent and you ought to understand that I like her son for her sake and I have been pleased to take my part in the music they both love but that is all over now I will not allow myself to be misconstrued by you Alan there shall be no more duets they were still in Mrs. Warnock's domain in a wooded drive where the leafless branches over arched the way and the scene was lonely enough and sheltered enough to allow Alan taking a sweetheart to his breast and kissing her in a rapture of penitent love my darling forgive me if I did not know the pricelessness of my treasure I should not be so full of unworthy fears we won't stop the duets forever Susie I must get accustomed to the idea of a gifted wife who has many talents which I have not but I hope your musical studies of disco may be suspended for a month or so when you go home you will find a letter from my mother inviting you to Thendike she is very fond of you already and she wants to know more of you so that you may really be to her the daughter she has been wishing for ever since I was born you will go won't you Susie if the good general will spare you and I think he will be there too yes I am to be there but you shall not see too much of me ours is a shooting county and I shall be expected to be tramping with my gun nearly every day I think you will like Thendike the house is a fine old house and the neighborhood is pretty after a fashion just as some parts of Holland and Belgium are pretty sleepy contented prosperous useful he walked home with her and stayed to luncheon so as to secure general Vincent's consent upon the spot this was obtained without difficulty the general having had to dispense with his daughter for at least three-fourths of her existence was not dependent upon her for society though he liked to see the bright young face smiling at him across the table at his luncheon and his dinner and he liked to be played to sleep after dinner or to have Suzette as a listener when he was in the mood for talking the greater part of his life was spent out of doors hunting shooting fishing golfing so that he could afford to be amiable upon this occasion yes yes Suzette accept the invitation by all means the change will do you good Lady Emily is a most estimable person and it is only right that you should become better acquainted with her I'm very fond of her already said Suzette then I am really to go Alan Lady Emily suggests Saturday three days from now well you are ready I suppose said her father you have the frogs and things that are necessary yes father I think I have frogs enough unless you are dreadfully fashionable in Suffolk Alan the less said about our fashion the better if you have a stout cloth skirt short enough to keep clear of our mud that is all you need trouble about I suppose I should be allowed to escort Suzette general well yes I don't see any objection to your taking care of her on the journey but I have very lax notions of etiquette I must ask my sister Susie will take her maid of course and Susie's maid is a regular dragon Alan walked homeward with a light step and a light heart the idea of having Suzette as a visitor in his own home growing every day nearer and dearer to his parents was raptured no more concertant duets no more long drawn sobbings and signs on the stratovarious he would have his sweetheart all to himself to paste the level metopads and saunter by the modest river and loiter and lingered by rustic mills and bridges which Constable may have painted and in that atmosphere of homely peacefulness he might draw his sweetheart closer to his heart winner more completely than he had won her yet and persuade her to consent to a nearer date for their marriage than in the fall summer of the coming year he counted much on home influences on his mother's warm hearted affection for the newly adopted daughter a telegram sir said the servant who opened the door startling him from a happy daydream he came nearly an hour ago Alan tore open the envelope and glanced carelessly at the message expecting some trivial communication your father is dangerously ill come at once I'm writing to postpone Miss Vincent's visit Emily Karoo end of chapter 12 chapter 13 of Sons of Fire by Mary Elizabeth Braden this LibriVox recording is in the public domain before the night befallen across the highway a sudden end to a happy daydream a hurried preparation and a swift departure Alan had just time to write to Suzette while his servant was packing a portmanteau and the dog cart horse was being harnessed for the drive to the station he loved his father too well to have room for any selfish thoughts about his own disappointment but he tried to be hopeful that his mother's alarm had exaggerated the evil and that the word dangerously was rather the expression of her own panic than of the doctor's opinion it was only natural that she should summon him the only son to his father's sick bed the illness must be appalling in its suddenness for in her letter written on the previous day she described him as in his usual health the suddenness of the attack was in itself enough to scare a woman of Lady Emily's temperament Alan telegraphed from Liverpool Street and was met at the quiet little terminus where the tiny branch line came to an end on the edge of a meadow and a hundred yards from a rustic road the journey to Cambridge had been of the swiftest the twenty miles on the branch line of the slowest a heartbreaking journey for a man whose mind was wracked with tears he was dark when he arrived but out of the darkness which surrounded the terminus there came the friendly voice of a groom and the glare of carriage lamps ah is that you more is my father any better his heart sank as he asked the question with agonizing dread of the reply no sir I'm afraid he ain't no better the doctor from Abbey Town is coming again tonight will you drive sir no give me home as fast as you can for God's sake yes sir I brought your old bay man she's the fastest we've got poor old Kitty good to the last is she get on they were bowling along the level road behind Bay Kitty the first hunter Alan had bought on his own account in his old college days when his liberal allowance enabled him to indulge his taste in horse flesh Kitty had distinguished herself in a small way as a steeple chaser before Alan picked her up at Tattersaw and she was an elderly person when he came into his fortune so he had left her in the home stables as a general utility horse Kitty carried him along the road at a splendid pace and hardly justified in patients even in the most anxious heart his mother was waiting in the porch when he alighted his mother he said as he kissed her and let her into the house why do you stand out in the cold you are shivering now not with cold Alan poor mother is he very ill is it really so serious it could not be more serious Alan they thought this morning that he was dying they told me to be prepared for the worst the sentence was broken by sobs she hit her face on her son's breast and sobbed out her grief unchecked by him only sued by the gentle pressure of his arm surrounding and as it were protecting her from the invincible enemy doctors are such a lawless mother they often take flight too soon not in this case Alan I was with him all through his sufferings I saw him struggling with death I knew how near death was in those dreadful hours it is his heart Alan you remember Dr. Arnold's death how we have cried over the story in families biography it was like that he was suffering yesterday he was sitting in his library plastered and thoughtful among his books we dined together last night he was cheerful and full of interesting talk and this morning at daybreak he was fighting for his life it was terrible but the danger is past mother this drug goes over please God and he will be well again never never again Alan the doctors hold that little hope of that the awful agony may return at any hour his deep seated we've been living in a fool's paradise oh my dear son I never knew how fondly I've loved your father till today I thought we should grow old together go down to the grave hand in hand dear mother hope for the best I cannot think remembering how young a man he seemed the other day I'd be cherished I cannot think that we are to lose him tears were streaming down Alan's cheeks tears of which he was unconscious he dearly loved the father and his affection had made his childhood and youth so smooth and easy the father who had entered into and understood every youthful desire every unexpressed feeling who in his tenderness and forethought had been as sympathetic as a loving woman oh Alan you will find him aged by ten years since those happy days at beachhurst one day of suffering has altered him it seems as if some invisible writing the lines of disease and death have come lines I never saw till this day mother we won't despair we are passing through the valley of the shadow of death perhaps but only passing through the fight may be hard and bitter but we shall conquer the enemy we shall carry our dearest safely over at the dark valley may I see him I will be very calm and quiet I'm so longing to see him to hold his dear hand we ought to wait for the doctors Alan they both warned me that he must be kept as quiet as possible he is terribly exhausted they will be here at eleven o'clock it might be safer to wait till then yes I will wait who is with him now a nurse from Abbey town hospital and is he out of pain and at rest he was sleeping when I left him sleeping heavily worn out with pain and under the influence of opium well he must wait there was nothing else to be done mother and son waited patiently almost silently through the slow hours between eight and eleven they sat together in Lady Emily's morning room which was next to the sick man's bedroom there was a door of communication and though this was shut they could hear if there were much movement in the adjoining room Lady Emily mooted the question of dinner for the traveler she urged him to go down to the dining room and take some kind of meal after his journey but he shook his head with the first touch of impatience he had shown since his arrival you will wear yourself out Alan she remonstrated no mother there is plenty of wear in me I almost hate myself for being so strong and so full of life while he is lying there tears ended the sentence at last the hands of the clock which mother and son had both been watching pointed to eleven and the hour struck with slow and silvery chime then came ten minutes of expectancy and then the cautious tread of the family practitioner and the consulting physician coming upstairs together Alan and his mother went out to the corridor to see them a few murmured words only and the two dark figures vanished through the door of the sick room and mother and son were alone once more waiting with aching hearts and strained ears for every sound on the other side of the closed door the doctors were some time with the patient and then they went downstairs and were closeted together in the library for a time that seemed long to those who waited for the result of their consultation those anxious watchers had followed them downstairs and were waiting beside the expiring fire in the hall waiting in for the voice of fate the dining room door was open a table laid for supper with glass and silver shining under the lamp light and the glow of a blazing fire suggested comfort and good cheer and seemed to accentuate the gloom in the hearts of the watchers what were they talking about those two in the closed room yonder Alan wondered was their talk all of the sufferer upstairs and the means of staving off the inevitable end or did they wander from that question of life and death through the futilities of everyday conversation and so lengthened out the agony of those who were waiting for their verdict at last the door opened and they came out into the hall very grave still but less gloomy than they had looked in the morning he is better decidedly better than he was twelve hours ago said the physician we have tidied over the immediate peril and he is out of danger questioned Alan eagerly he is out of danger for the moment he may go on for some time without a recurrence of this morning's attack but I am bound to tell you that the danger may recur at any time what has happened must be regarded I am deeply grieved to be obliged to say it as the beginning of the end there was a silence broken only by the wife's stifled psalms my God how sudden it is and you say it is hopeless said Alan stunned by the sentence of doom to you the thing is sudden but in reality the mischief is a work of many years the evil has been there suspected by your father but never fully realized he consulted me ten years ago and I gave him the best advice the case allowed prescribed a regimen which I believe he carefully followed a regimen assisted chiefly in quietness and careful living I told him as much as it was absolutely necessary to tell taking care not to frighten him you did not tell me that he was a doomed man lady Emily said reproachfully my dear lady to have done that would have been to lessen his chance of cheerful surroundings to run the risk of sad looks where it was most needful he should find hopefulness besides at that stage of the disease one might hope for the best even for a long life under favorable conditions and now what is the limit of your hope asked Alan I cannot measure the sands in the glass another attack like that of today would I fear be fatal it is a wonder to me that he survived the agony of this morning and you have told us that agony may return at any hour nothing you can do can prevent its recurrence I fear not but we shall do the uttermost may I see him not till tomorrow he is still under the influence of an opiate let him rest for tonight undisturbed by one agitating thought his frame is exhausted by suffering Mr. Travers will be here again early tomorrow and if he finds his patient as I hope he will find him then you and lady Emily can see him for a few minutes but I must beg that there be no emotional talk and then he may be kept very quiet all tomorrow I will come again early on Saturday mother and son hung upon the physician's words he was a man whom both trusted and even in this great straight the idea of other help hardly occurred to either yet in the desire to do the uttermost Alan Bench to say if you would like another opinion I would telegraph for anyone you might suggest among London specialists a specialist could do nothing more than we have done the battle is fought and won so far and when the fight begins again the same weapons will have to be used the whole College of Physicians could do nothing to help us when the doctors went into the dining room the physician to fortify himself for a 10 mile drive the family practitioner to prepare himself for the possibilities of the night Alan went in with them at his mother's urgent request and tried to eat some supper but his heart was heavy as lead he thought of Mrs. Warnock remembering that pale face looking out of the autumn night so intense in it searching gaze the dark grey eyes seeming to devour the face they looked upon his father sitting unconscious all the while knowing not how near love was the romantic love of his younger years the love which still held all the elements of poetry the love which had never been vulgarized or outworn by the threat and jar of daily life he would die perhaps without ever having seen the face of his early love without ever having heard the end of her history die perhaps believing that she had given him up easily because she had never really cared for him the son had thought that in some wise his duty to keep those two apart for his mother's sake but now at the idea that his father might die without having seen his early love or heard her story from her own lips it seemed to him that he had acted cruelly and treacherously towards the parent he loved there was a further improvement in the patient next morning and Alan spent the greater part of the day beside his father's bed there was to be very little conversation but Alan was told that his mother might read aloud provided the literature was of an unemotional character so at his father's request Alan read Chaucer and the quaint old English verse with every line of which the patient was familiar had a soothing and cheering influence on the tired nerves and brain there was progress again the day after and the physician and local watch dog express themselves more than satisfied the patient might come downstairs on Sunday might have an airing outside of the garden should there be any sunshine on Monday but everything was to be done with precautions that too plainly indicated his precarious condition do you take a more hopeful view than you did the other night Alan asked the physician after the consultation alas no the improvement is greater than I expected but the substantial facts remain the same there was deep seated which may culminate badly at any time I should do wrong to conceal the nature of the case or its worst possibilities from you it is best you should be prepared for the end for Lady Emily's sake especially in order that you may lighten the blow for her and the end is likely to come suddenly most likely better perhaps that it should so come your father is prepared for death he is quite conscious of his danger better that the end should be sudden if it spare him pain yes better so but it is a hard thing my father is not 48 years of age in the prime of life with a fine intellect it is a hard thing yes it is hard very hard it seems hard even to me who have seen so many partings I think you ought to spare your mother as much as you can spare her the agony of apprehension let her have her husband's last days of sunshine and peace but it is best that you should know you are a man and you can suffer so much better this morning might he not go on for years with the care which we shall take of him he might but it is scarcely probable we were to have had a young lady visitor here today said Alan was some hesitation the lady who is to be my wife her visit had been postponed on account of my father's illness but I am very anxious that she should know more of my father and mother and I have been wondering if next week we might venture to have her here and sympathetic and I know her society would be pleasant to my father I would not risk it Mr. Karoo if I were you you think it might be bad for my father I think it might be hazardous for the young lady where a fatal end to come suddenly you would not like the girl you love to be subjected to the horror of the scene to be haunted perhaps for years by the memory of that one tragic hour there is no necessity for her presence here you can go and see her yes can risk being absent of my father's dying hours but that risk then the risk of her unhappiness should the end come while she were in the house yes I suppose that is so but I can't help hoping that the end may be far off the doctor pressed his hand in silence and nodded goodbye as he stepped into his carriage it was not for him to forbid hope even if he knew that it was futile end of chapter 13 chapter 14 of sons of fire by Mary Elizabeth Braden this LibriVox recording is in the public domain while leaves were falling finally as he loved his betrothed wife Alan felt that affection and duty alike forbade him to leave his father while the shadow of doom hung over the threshold while there could be no assurance from day to day that the end would not come before sundown there had been enough in the physician's manner to crush hopefulness even in the most sanguine breast and it was in vain that Alan tried to argue within himself against the verdict of learning and experience he knew in his inmost heart that the physician was right the ordeal through which George Carew had passed had changed him with the change that too probably foreshadows the last change of all in the hollow eyes the blue vein forehead and pale lips in the inert and semi-transparent hands in the far-off look of the man whose race is run and who has nothing more to do with active life than the sign manual of the destroyer he had need to cherish and garner these quiet days in his father's company to hang fondly on every word from those pale lips to treasure each thought as a memory to be hereafter dear and sacred whatever other love there might be for him upon this earth even the love of her whom he had made his second self depended for all future gladness no claim could prevail against the duty that held him here by the sight of the father whose days were numbered I am so glad to have you with me Alan Mr. Carew said in the grave voice which had lost none of its music though it had lost much of its power it seems selfish on my part to keep you here away from that nice girl your sweetheart but though you are making a sacrifice now no no no interrupted Alan it is no sacrifice I'd rather be here than anywhere in the world thank God that I am here that no accident of distance has kept me from you dear boy you are so good and true but it is a sacrifice all the same this is the springtime of your life and you ought to be with the girl who makes your sunshine it is hard for you too to be parted and I should like her to be here only this is a house of gloom God knows what might happen to chill that young heart it is better that you and I should be alone together prepared for the worst and in the days to come in the far off days you will be glad to remember how your love lightened every burden for your dying father the son other words of hope declared his belief that heaven would grant the dear patient renewed strength but the voice in which he spoke the words of cheerfulness was broken by sobs my dear Alan don't be downhearted I am resigned to the worst that can happen I won't say I'm glad that the end is near that would be base in gratitude to the best of wives to the dearest of sons and to providence which has given me so many good things this world and this life have been pleasant to me Alan and it does seem hard to be called away from such peaceful surroundings from the home where love is even though through all that life there has run a dark thread I think you have known that Alan I think that sensitive nature of yours has been conscious of the shadow on my days yes I have known that there was a shadow a stronger character would have risen superior to the sorrow that has clouded my life Alan I have no doubt that some of the greatest and many of the most useful men the world has known have suffered just such disappointment as I suffered in my early manhood and have risen superior to their sorrow you remember how Austin Caxton counsels his son to live down a disappointed love how he appeals to the lives of men who have conquered sorrow you thought the wing was broken tut tut was but a bruised feather but in my own case Alan the wing was broken I had not the mental stamina I had not the power of rebound which enables a man to rise superior to the sorrow of his youth I could not forget my first love I gave up a year of my life to search for the girl I loved who had forsaken me in a foolish spirit of self sacrifice because she had been told that my marriage with her would be social ruin she was little more than a child in years quite a child in ignorance of the world and of the weight and measure of worldly things we were both poorly used Alan another was a good woman and a woman who would do nothing which she could not reconcile to her own conscience and her own ideas of piety she acted conscientiously after her own narrow notions in bringing about the parting which blighted my youth and she thought me a wicked son because for two years of my life I held myself aloof from her and in all that time a trace of your lost love none I advertised in English and continental newspapers veiling my appeal in language which would mean little to the outside world though it would speak plainly to her I wandered about the continent Italy, Switzerland all along the Rhine and the Danube to every place that seemed to offer a chance of success I had reason to believe that she had been sent abroad and I thought her exile would be fixed in some remote district out of the beaten track it may be that my research was conducted feebly I was out of health for the greater part of my wanderings and I had no one to help me another man in my position might have employed a private detective and might have succeeded where I failed I was summoned home by the news of my mother's dangerous illness and I returned remorseful and unhappy at the thought that she might die unforgiving and unforgiving my resentment banished I recalled all that my mother had been to my childhood and boyhood and I felt myself an ungrateful son thank God I was home in time to cheer her sick bed and to help towards her recovery by the assurance of my unaltered affection I found that she too had suffered and I discovered this strength of maternal love under that outward hardness and allied with those narrow views which had wrecked my happiness in my gladness that her recovery from a long and dangerous illness I began to think that the old heart wound was cured and when she suggested my marriage with our dear Emily my amiable playfellow of old I cheerfully fell in with her views the union wasn't every respect suitable and for me in every respect advantageous your mother has been a good and dear wife to me and never had man less reason to complain against fate but there has been the lingering shadow of that old memory Alan and you have seen and understood so it is well you should know all Alan cheerfully acknowledged the trust confided in him when I'm gone if you care to know the story of my first love you will find it recorded in a manious grit which was written some years ago heaven knows what inspired me to go over that old ground to write of myself almost as I might have written of another man it was the whim of an idle brain I felt a strange sad pleasure in recalling every detail of my brief love story in conjuring up looks and tones the very atmosphere of the common place surroundings through which my dear love and I moved no touch of romance no splendor of scenery no gayative race course or public garden made the background of our love a dull London street a dull London parlor were all we had for a paradise and God knows we needed no more you will smile at a middle-aged man's volley in lingering fondly over the record of his own love story instead of projecting himself in an ideal world and weaving a romance of shadows if I had been a woman I might have found a diversion for my empty days and writing novels in every one of which my girlish love and I would have lived again and loved and parted again under various disguises but I had not the feminine love of fiction it pleased me to write of myself and my love in sober truthfulness you will read with a mind in touch with mine Alan and though your father's folly there will be no scornfulness in your smile my dear, dear father God knows there will be no smile on these lips of mine if I am to read the story after our parting God grant the day for that reading may be far off I will do nothing to hasten it Alan your companionship has helped much to renew my pleasure in life you can never know how I missed you when this house ceased to be your home it was different the short terms the short distance between here and Cambridge made parting seemed less than parting but when you had a house of your own and half a dozen counties divided us I began to feel that I have lost my only son you had but to summon me I know I know but I could not be so selfish as to bring you away from your pleasant surroundings the prettier country the more genial climate your hunting your falconry your new neighbors a sick man is a privileged egotist but even now I feel I am wrong in letting you stay here and lose the best part of the hunting season to say nothing of that other loss which no doubt you feel more keenly the loss of your sweetheart's society you need not think about it father for I mean to stay please regard me as a fixture if you keep as well next week as you are today I may take a run to Wilts just to see how Suzette and her father are getting on and to look round my stable but I shall be away at most one night go tomorrow Alan I know you are dying to see her then perhaps tomorrow you really are wonderfully well are you not so well that I feel myself an imposter when I'm treated as an indelible I may go then but it will only be to hurry back said Alan his heart beat faster at the thought of an hour with Suzette an hour in which to look into the frank bright face to see the truthful eyes looking up at him in all confidence and love to be assured that the three weeks absence had made no difference that not the faintest cloud had come between them in their first parting yes he longed to see her with a lover's heart sickness deeply tenderly as he treasured every hour of his father's society he felt that he must steal just as much time from his home duty as would give him one hour with Suzette he poured over time tables and so planned his journey as to leave Fendike in the afternoon of one day and to return in time for lunch in the day after this was only to be effected by leaving Matchum at Daybreak but a young man who was in the habit of leaving home in the half-light of September dawn to ride ten miles to a six o'clock meet was not afraid of an early train he caught a fast evening train at Salisbury and was at Matchum soon after eight he'd written to General Vincent to announce his intention of looking in after dinner apologizing in advance for a so-later visit his intention was to take a hasty meal dress and drive to Marsh House but at Beechhurst he found a note from the general inviting him to dinner postponed till nine o'clock on his account so he made his toilet in the happiest mood and arrived at Marsh House ten minutes before the hour he found Suzette alone in the drawing room and had her alter himself for just those ten minutes which he had gained by extra swiftness at his toilet for half those minutes he had the gentle fluttering creature in his arms the dark eyes full of tears the innocent heart all tenderness and sympathy why would not you let me go to you Alan she remonstrated I wanted to be with you and Lady Emily in your trouble I hope you don't think I'm afraid of sickness or sorrow where those I love are concerned indeed dearest I give you credit for all unselfishness but I was advised against your visit the hazard was too awful what hazard Alan the possibility of my father's sudden death oh Alan my poor poor boy is it really as bad as that how sad for you and you love him so dearly I know I hardly knew how dearly till this great terror fell upon me nothing less than my love for a father whom I must lose too soon whom I may lose very soon would have kept me from you so long Suzette and now I am only here for a few hours to see you to hear you to hold you in my arms and to assure myself that there is such a person to make quite sure that the Suzette who was in my thoughts by day in and all my dreams by night is not a brilliant hallucination the creature of my mind and fancy I am very real I assure you full of human faults I hope you have a stray failing or two lurking somewhere amongst your perfections but I have not discovered one yet ah Alan love would not be loved if he could see tell me all your news Susie what have you been doing with yourself your letters have told me a good deal dear bright letters coming like a burst of sunshine into my sad life but they could not tell me enough I suppose you've been often at discone yes I've been there nearly every day Mrs. Warnock has been ill and depressed she will not own to being ill and I could not persuade her to send for the doctor but I don't think she could be in such low spirits if she were not ill poor soul she is so sympathetic Alan she has been as keenly interested in your poor father's illness as if he were her dearest friend she has been so eager to hear about his progress I'm going to read the passages in your letters which refer to him she is so tender hearted and enters so fully into other people's sorrows and you have been much with her and have done all in your power to cheer her no doubt I've done what I could we have made music together but she has not taken her old delight in playing or in listening to me she has become dreamy and self absorbed I'm sure she is out of health and her son who's company she was pining all the summer has not he been able to cheer her spirits I hardly know about that Mr. Warnock is out hunting all day and every day he has increased his stud since she left and hunts with three packs of hounds he comes home after dark sometimes late for dinner in his mother spend the evening together and no doubt that is her golden hour and as Warnock given up his violin practice he plays for an hour after dinner sometimes when he is not too tired and your musical mornings have there been no more of those no more constantant duets Alan I told you that there should be no more such duets for me you might have changed your mind not after having promised I considered that a promise conscientious soul and you think me a jealous brute no doubt I don't think you a brute but a jealous idiot my dearest I don't think I'm all together wrong a wife or a betrothed wife should have no absorbing interest outside her husbands or her sweetheart's life and music is an absorbing interest a chain of potent strength between two minds when I heard those impassioned strains on the fiddle and your tender imitations on the piano question and answer question and answer forever repeating themselves and breathing only love oh Alan what an ignoramus you are do you suppose musical people ever think of anything but the music they are playing they may not think but they must feel they can't help being born along on that strong current no no they have no time to be vaporish or sentimental they have to be cool and business like every iota of one's brain power is wanted for the notes one is playing the transitions from key to key so subtle as to take one by surprise the changes of time the syncopated passages almost take one's breath away hark there is my aunt father asked her in to support me uncle moornington is in London and she is alone at the grove I think we could have done without her Susie mrs moornington's resident voice was heard in the hall while she was taking off her fur cloak and the lady appeared a minute later in a serviceable black velvet gown with diamonds twinkling and trembling in her honniton cap she was so beautiful and hearty as usual you poor fellow I'm very glad to see you she said shaking hands with Alan I hope your father is better of course he is though or you wouldn't be here it's five minutes past nine Susie and as I am accustomed to get my dinner at half past seven I hope your cook means to be punctual oh here's my brother and dinner is announced thank goodness general Vincent welcomed his future son-in-law and the little party went into the cozy dining room with a feast in the glow of crimson shaded lamps which reflect her soft white gown and her pretty white neck with rosy lights conversation was so bright and cheerful among these four that Alan's thoughts reverted apprehensively now and again to the quiet home in Suffolk and the dark shadow hanging over it he felt as if there were a kind of trees and against family affection in this interlude of happiness in yet he could not help being happy with Susie of a wintry morning he would be on his way back to his father after dinner Mrs. Mornington established herself in an armchair close to the drawing room fire and had so much to say to her brother about match and sociology that Alan and his sweetheart seated by the piano at the other end of the room were as much alone as if they had been in one of the disco copses no better friend than a piano to lovers who want to be quiet and confidential Suzette sat before the keyboard and played a few bars now and then like a running commentary on the conversation he will say all that is kind and nice to Mrs. Warnock for me Alan said after a good deal of other and tenderer talk yes I will tell her how kindly you spoke of her but the best thing I can tell her is that your father is better she's been so intensely interested about him I felt very sorry for her since she went away Alan why because I cannot help seeing that her son's return has not brought her the happiness she expected she's been thinking of him and hoping for his coming for years empty desolate years for until she attached herself to you and me she had really no one she cared for strange was it not that she should take such a fancy to you and then extend her friendly feeling to me yes it was strange undoubtedly but I believe I owe her kindly feeling entirely to my very shadowy likeness to her son no doubt that was the beginning but I'm sure she likes you for your own sake you are only second to her son in her affection and I know she is disappointed in her son I hope he is not unkind to her unkind no no he is kindness itself his manner to his mother is all that it should be affectionate caressing deferential but he is such a restless creature so eager for change and movement clever and amiable as he is there is something wanting in his character the want of repose I believe he hardly ever rests and there is no rest where he is he excites his mother and he doesn't make her happy perhaps it is better for her that he is so seldom at home she is too highly strong to endure his quiet spirit you like him though don't you Suzette in spite of his fault oh one cannot help liking him he is so bright and clever and he has all his mother's amiability only like her he is just a touch of eccentricity but I hardly like to call it that a German word expresses it better he is uber spot he is what our American friends call a crank said Alan believed to find his sweetheart could speak so lightly of the man who caused him his first acquaintance with jealousy end of chapter 14