 So today we're going to talk about the nine classy behaviors Men always notice and find wildly attractive in women or in a woman and let me just say this These are those men who are emotionally grown up. So let me be clear. This isn't for those dysfunctional type of men This isn't for those clinical Men who have clinical issues. This is for those emotionally grown up men now before we get into this I think it's really important to address the elephant in the room and that is Dating in our current environment can keep a person Disillusion frustrated or worse giving up hope and I was actually giving up hope of finding a suitable partner that believing that a Suitable partner exists. So I'm gonna read to you a blog I wrote that will illustrate this and then we're gonna dive into these Excuse me classy behaviors. I Said dating in our current environment can leave a person disillusioned frustrated or worse giving up hope that a suitable partner exists The minute we connect with another human being we make ourselves vulnerable to misalignment Which is just really a nice way of saying we're not a fit for each other After many encounters that go nowhere One can look back and say there's no one for me Now one can listen to those rah-rah coaches that will tell you that you know, all you have to do is love yourself And let me be honest here. I've said that myself But the reality is loving oneself is is rather hard to do The fact is dating is very vulnerable Let me reframe that dating is a very vulnerable act and Given we are swimming in a sea of Dysfunctionality Excuse me in the dating marketplace. It's no wonder many prefer choosing not to engage in the process Genuinely connecting with another human being at a heart-centered level is no small feat and Anyone who suggests finding a life mate is effortless has some swap land to sell you as well Because it takes a lot of courage To put oneself out there and more importantly loving oneself through all the disappointments loving oneself through all the disappointments So this is was on my Instagram and my Facebook post today, and it goes with the following mean Dating today is like the Hunger Games. It's challenging brutal and a fight to the death The death of our dreams and our hopes Preparing oneself for through personal development self-help and spiritual work can put the odds forever in your favor by working on yourself Just saying that's my meme I posted today So Loving oneself self-love, you know, there's an interesting book Look at this cover Love yourself like your life depends on it. This is only 60. This is 59 pages and it's all double-spaced. Look at that a lot of white space. Okay Love yourself like your life depend upon it. I cannot even figure out how to pronounce this person's name Why does this relate to classy behaviors? Ladies, I've observed most women abandon Their sovereignty and give their power away to men they give their power away to men And let me tell you something to that wounded man to that man who's got clinical issues that sociopath that narcissist They are highly attracted to women who don't actually feel good about themselves This is why I'm such a big proponent of personal development self-help and spiritual work not because this work Is going to attract a life made in you What it's going to do is most importantly Hopefully own your sovereignty because as I said before women oftentimes give their power away to men And I think this is almost conditioning way back to cave people days 200,000 years ago where women were more dependent upon men for their survival and today most women have are fully capable of Financially taking care of themselves at least here in the United States for the most part that you are not dependent upon men for your sovereignty But Jonathan men are supposed to be the provider protectors They're supposed to do all that work and all I'm supposed to do is be the nurturer and submit to him Folks you can adopt that you can adopt that traditional role that traditional model You have a one and fifth you have a one out of two chance that that relationship is going to be end That relationship will end and you are on your own and if you're in your in your second or third marriage You have a sixty five to seventy five percent chance of it ending. So let me be clear Dependency on anyone or anything Will directly affect your emotional well-being so coming back to this post I'm sharing about dating it is very it is It is challenging to navigate the emotions of Engaging with another human being being even being vulnerable as if just even writing an email to someone Or a text message to someone can be a very vulnerable act and I will tell you there are coaches out there that will trivialize this There are those motivational and empowerment coaches that can tell you to you can push through through anything through willpower You know a simple text message can be an incredibly vulnerable thing And the fact is as many people this pushing through it through willpower is actually emotionally devastating I Can't tell you how many times even a miscommunication on a text message with someone caused me to recoil To go the other direction to not want to communicate with them Because the reality is is we weren't meant to meet through these environments We were meant to meet face-to-face and get a full flavor of a person And yet this is the medium that we're we are so accustomed to and it isn't going to change You know, I wish I could tell you just go do what you love just go do what you love go do things like painting Go do an art class go to a meet-up group and you'll meet your soulmate there Look it I get this happens For people it does It's like a broken clock. It happens twice a day, but the reality is is it's rarely happening organically The only way you're going to shift that organically is if you are in an environment where everybody is single And they're interacting with one another. In fact, I'll be hosting a live event at the end of March And I'm going to start curating singles events So people with men and women alike 50 50 men 50 women at least there's a better chance when you're in a pool of people Instead of just randomly Hoping you meet someone at the grocery store and you're probably going what the heck does this have to do with this topic? It's because I think we have to recognize that Are it isn't about finding the right guy? If you're a woman and it's not about finding the right, you know gal if you're a man This is about finding the relationship within yourself. So these nine classy behaviors aren't going to be simple things like You know brush your teeth or wear nice clothes You know, we're going to go deeper into the emotional attributes that are actually attractive to that Emotionally grown-up man. Okay, and I'm hoping raise your hand say John or hit that like button If you say Jonathan, I want an emotionally grown-up man or write that in the chat box. Okay Okay, so these are the behaviors that are classy for both men and women alike that both Emotionally grown-up men and emotionally grown-up women appreciate in The gender that they're going after. Okay, so the first one This is simple actions matching words You know in our current dating environment, it saddens me how trivial we treat people How dismissive we treat people particularly when it comes to our actions and our words Whether you're a man or woman, this is this is commensurate no matter what gender is Out in the dating marketplace We see human beings who say one thing and they do another because the truth is is we trivialized people I Say we I'm sure you don't think you do but I'm sure there have been times. I know I've done it I've been dismissive I've trivialized because when they're a total stranger you have nothing invested in them See our actions matching words has more value when we have something to gain or something to lose and I'm here to invite everyone to Operate from a place of integrity or at least do your best to operate integrity and I get as I started this broadcast by saying look We can feel disillusion. We can feel frustrated. It can be brutal. It can be the hunger games out there All I'm offering you is putting the odds more in your favor so actions consistently matching words I'm sure you'd agree with that number two be generous and kind you know Believe it or not, I'm gonna tell you as a man I've gone on what feels like thousands of dates and that's not the actual number But it just feels that way. Can anyone relate to that? It feels like you've met a lot of different people. I Can tell you there have been a lot of times where women have been rather selfish and It doesn't sit well with me and I'm sure you've experienced men who haven't who have been selfish Being generous and kind See I think the reason why early dating we are not seeing this is because everybody's defensive. They've got their walls up They're trying to protect themselves and what's happening is the minute you have a wall up you have lost your capacity Okay, you have a propensity. Let me put it that way to be less generous and kind because there's a wall up I'm here to offer that you operate from a place of generous and kindness with no walls up in the early stage of dating and if you have a wall up then go tear that wall down and then revisit dating when that Tear down that wall mr. Gorbachev Hey, has anyone seen the movie atomic blonde with Charlize Theron? It is of anyways, it's about the the fall of the Berlin Berlin wall But that's what we need to do We have to drop our walls because without it We won't as much as we think we're generous and kind the wall is blocking What's innately already inside of most of you so? generous and kind number three They communicate clearly without being right You are Ladies and men they could they communicate clearly without being right, you know, we we are rather Selfish and righteous here in the United States. I can't speak for other parts of the world But there's this almost belief that we're almost at a war with with the opposite sex. I'm right and you're wrong. I See this habitually Ladies I am going to I'm gonna suggest to you there are always two sides to a story Particularly in a relationship and believe me or believe it or not the truth lies somewhere in the middle So learning to communicate clearly without being right now, I'm not suggesting I'm right here I'm just offering perspective you make up the choice Okay But the same time I think a classy behavior that quality or high a grown emotionally grown-up men notice and Appreciate is a woman that can communicate clearly without being right number four They don't use people They are clear about commitment. I think this is where I I've seen this with a lot of men and women as well They are not clear about right up front the standard. They're looking for And I know a lot of women that use men for a free meal You know that let me just tell you something ladies. This is not cool. This is not cool I Somewhere I read in the younger generation 30% of women who are actively dating are just doing it for a free meal That's using someone You know, that's a perfect example of using someone and even if you're not I Actually spoke to another woman. This is another example She says I'm not ready to be in a relationship, but I'm just going out to have a good time Usually and she says the men always pay and I'm like wait a minute You clearly know you're not ready for a relationship You pretend to be ready for a relationship, but you clearly know it but you always but in the backing mind You go well, I can always change my mind, but if you go in with that kind of intent you will use people And I'm gonna tell you that's a classless act and I've seen so many women do this and I see men do this I remember early after my divorce I was a train wreck, but I thought I was ready for a relationship and then the times I knew I wasn't ready for a Relationship I wasn't dating in fact quite frankly many of you know, I have a significant relationship that ended seven months ago I'm not gone on one day. I'm still processing. I'm still grieving I've got myself my my toes in the water And I hold space that I will connect with someone But I I really have only communicated with one person and it's only because they recognize me professionally anyway, okay number five They have their act together Emotionally physically spiritually they have their act together particularly When I say emotionally and physically they don't need drugs or alcohol to get through the day You know, there's a lot of people that use drugs and alcohol throughout the day just to get by through the day because emotionally and they actually dating is a It's kind of a self-medication for people Just that brief encounter that brief interaction with another human being Causes many people to put themselves out in the dating marketplace. Well, let me tell you something One of the most classy behaviors and things men find very attractive is a woman who has her act together Emotionally physically spiritually in her life. Okay. She's not in constant chaos By the way, ladies, you can't stand men who are in constant chaos There is nothing attractive about a person that's going through a lot of emotional up-evil in their life or physical up-evil for example a divorce a divorce is an incredibly traumatic experience dealing with a with a contentious ex-spouse You know if that's what you're dealing with it's going to make it very problem by the way Guys are not attracted to women who have contentious ex-spouses you ladies will be well Let me reframe that emotionally grown-up men And emotionally grown-up women are not attracted to somebody who has a contentious relationship with an ex-spouse An emotionally dysfunctional person will look past that and go well, you know, I see the potential So let me hang my hat on this person But you know that phrase, you know, you're buying, you know, you're buying the cow You're buying you're not just buying the cow. You're buying the farm. You're buying the manure. You're buying everything else associated with it If you're choosing somebody who doesn't have their act together number seven number seven They are introspective and work on themselves to grow beyond their limitation wounds and traumas. I'm repeat that they are introspective and work on themselves To grow beyond their limitations wounds and traumas folks if you follow my channel, you know I'm a big proponent a personal development self-hubbing spiritual work It's why I wrote a book called what the heck a self-love anyway And I continually promote book after book one particular book It's called the Hoffman process the Hoffman process This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and adult traumas an introspective person is aware That they they are aware that they can be triggered they can be get defensive they can judge and they look inward and Always go and ask and say to themselves. I'm the common denominator here and So an introspective person wants to grow past their negative patterns their limiting beliefs in their life to grow past their Limitations their wounds and traumas and by the way a trauma or wound doesn't have to be like an abusive parents or Physically abusive or emotional abuse if you could have had a minor trauma that could have ripple effects in your life And so something that's a really classy behavior is that person that's working on themselves whether it's a man or woman, okay, I Think this is a classy behavior a woman who is a nurturer But protective and empathetic a nurturer protective and empathetic now For the man for the woman who seeks the man. He's a protector. He's a nurturer and empathetic I think protection and nurturing go hand in hand When you're with a partner who You know for being protective of them is a very classy thing to do being a nurturer for them I don't care if you're a man or woman. It's the capacity to do both but being empathetic Isn't just about the capacity to feel someone's feelings It's the capacity to genuinely care about someone's feelings. So being protective nurturing and empathetic and last but not least number nine They believe demonstrating trust is paramount in their life and trust isn't just in relationship about fidelity trust is I Have this other person's best interest at hand There is nothing classier than actually having someone else's best interest without compromising yourself You do not this is not about compromising yourself having someone's best interest, but I'm gonna tell you we build trust through through caring about another person's best interest and These are the nine classy behaviors men and women Notice and find wildly attractive and I'm talking about that emotional grown-up person and not that person who's dysfunctional or have clinical issues folks, I recognize we are in a Difficult dating environment if you need some support you see this link right here to schedule a discovery call with me There's links below. I Invite you to schedule a call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you my whole area of expertise is to talk about discernment which will amplify your Intuition so you can recognize those people who's on the same page with you much sooner rather later And as I said earlier, it's the hunger games out there and my job is to forever put the odds in your favor But a bump bump Hey, if you found value in this conversation post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts as always if you if you cared for this video Please hit this like hit the like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell And if you want to connect with me directly check out those links below the schedule a discovery call with me to find My group called midlife love mastery To find me on Instagram to get the books. I recommend as well All right, it's time for Q&A if you have a question Write the word question and then post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker super chat There's a little dollar sign in the chat box all the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of My son Conor Asley. That's a picture of him right there He's my son who passed away over five and a half years ago in his honor We donate to causes like the Hoffman process Insight Institute and also Scholarships to private coaching as well. So hit that little dollar sign our goal tonight is $50. We would appreciate some love tonight Also, if you'd like to speak to me live, I'm putting a link to the to To so you can join the hot seat if you'd like to talk to me live So again, if you have a question post the question there after so I want to share with everyone Something I posted in my private group called midlife love mastery Bear with me a second while I pull this up and again, there's a link below to join my group So hopefully I can find this Okay, so Bear with me one second It's good, but this was a very vulnerable post that I had about my feelings about Our current dating environment and I hope you can appreciate this Let me just find it's just gonna take a second it was a rather personal share Oh, I hopefully I can find okay in full transparency My heart is just not into dating Dating is not only a vetting process, but also a search process This means you have to put yourself out there to be found and therein lies the rub Connecting with various people Engaging with them via text and within minutes. You can feel I feel a misalignment or worse a disconnect In those moments, I want to abandon all communication which feels rude These starts and stops starts and stops starts and stops are exhausting which causes me to recoil and In the in the pullback I feel like giving up and yet throwing in the towel goes against my true desires People ask me all the time. Is there a better way? Sure, you can go out in public and do what you love and just like the broken clock It rarely works and you can do the law of attraction, but look if you work from home like me It's you're hoping that someone knocks on your front door Anyways, this was a vent and why I'm sharing this with everyone is I suspect you feel the same way I don't think we were meant to do all of these Starts and stops starts and stops starts and stops This is why we have to become better detectives early on first by operating in those nine classy Behaviors I talked about is going to better prepare you when you genuinely love yourself You won't feel as look it. I'm just venting for a moment I'm back on the saddle again, but I'm just venting for a moment Because I know everyone can relate to this. There's nothing easy about Finding a life partner that's really an emotional grown-up Especially when we're swimming in a sea of Dysfunctionality, so I'm just merely here to say I get it I mean I get it and I wish I could blow smoke up your ass and sell you some swap land, but I'm not going to do that Okay, so if you have some questions for me post some questions or join me live Oh, by the way, I want to thank Beach Lover for the $10 super sticker Thank you so much and I want to give props to Margaret for the $8 super sticker and roller girl for the $2 super sticker That means we're $20 and poultry flowers just gave us $5. That means we're only $25 away from our goal And we have a question from Gigi In your experience, where do you see online dating going Wall Street experts thinks the apps are losing subscribers? You know there sir, I think bumble just laid off I think I think out of 1400 employees. I could be wrong on the numbers here. They just laid off 300 employees That's bumble. I don't think dating apps are going away They still represent the number one place people are meeting. I Think what would be better if people just put together better profiles? They would have greater success I'm gonna tell you I look at women's profiles habitually and they're pathetic and men's profiles are ridiculously pathetic I'm gonna say on average less than one out of a hundred. Do I see a really good quality profile? That's complete concise well done It's like if I work for a company I had to review resume after resume after resume after resume after resume and I just saw nothing But people that just you know, it's like they went to the job interview with in their pajamas I Think I don't think there's gonna be something magical that's gonna revert us back to Organic way of meeting either. I think you have to listen Finding a life mate is gonna require some Herculean effort First to be emotionally grown up to be in a relationship and then putting yourself out there to be seen I'm here to say you have to be willing You have to be willing to do a lot of work if you're not willing to and we are a spoon-fed here in the United States of Self-serve easy McDonald's type of environments self-serve kind of environment So I think the human beings who do genuinely make heroic effort will get to have better results That's just my opinion Gigi. So thank you Bump bump bump bump bump bump Let's keep going Power of chi just wrote question in your opinion. What does toxic positivity mean? Where you have experienced it recently? Hey Google What does toxic pass a positivity mean? Just want to hear what you Google So I think people who don't honor your pain and Try to gaslight it or spiritually bypass someone's pain could be perceived as toxic Positivity, I think that is quite possible and happens I think it's important to acknowledge people's pain and not to Again spiritually bypass someone with some rhetoric that you know, you can just magical thinking is going to change everything Have I experienced it yeah, but I mean not enough to make a big deal like I don't need to put a fucking label on it Okay, so some people are just you know Some people are trying to help and they don't do it in the best way, you know I don't like the way we label things toxic. Okay, it might be uncomfortable It might be annoying and that sort of thing and you by the way and it's and you can speak up and say look I don't want to hear it anymore. That's you can stand in your power, too so But that's just my 10 cents on that one power of cheese So by the way folks if you want to ask me questions like this I'm happy to do things outside of the dating realm but yeah Nw says, how do you deal with the text from no contact? I want him regret How do you deal with a text from no contact? I want him to regret and W I don't understand your question. So thank you for trying, but I just don't understand the question Barbara says I think apps should do away with algorithms and simply spray everyone that paid and show them all up Rather than filter through 100,000 resumes than just a handful of algorithms You know one way you can bypass that is do a search Okay, you do a search bite bite one year in other words You you pick an age like 49 and you do a five mile search and you'll probably find 20 people that fit that category and then you go to 50 and you go through 20 people that fit that category I think you can actually bypass the algorithms by being really Succinct, I believe I'm assuming that will work But I don't know if the algorithms are intentionally avoiding people You know, I don't know that but I think do searches by hey Just do at age 49 50 51 52 do a five mile radius and then or Expand it to a hundred miles and they're like that's that's just some ideas I have to work around some of the algorithms But I get it Barbara you're a recruiter so you think along the same lines as I do so I get it so thank you Jane Spitfire says I miss the classy behaviors. You're just gonna have to go back and watch I started about the seven minute mark if you want to follow back then, okay? Power of Jesus. Thank you for your opinion. Oh, here's the seven or the nine It's or here's five of them anyway Actions matching words be generous and kind communicate clearly without being right. Don't use people have their act together Healed from past relationships. Oh, I forgot to see I said healed from past relationships They're introspective and work on themselves. They are protective and they believe demonstrating trust. You know what folks I actually missed one of these They have healed from past relationships. That was number six six seven six I forgot to include that. I am so sorry in the original nine. Okay, so they have healed from past Relationships I kind of touched upon that with the With the person that has a contentious X But I forgot to include that so I know in my previous one. I did eight that was number six on the list So, thank you Sunshine Labardi says did you ever think about having your own dating site? Sure I think about it all the time if someone wants to hand me one million dollars to make it happen I will gladly create a dating site if someone wants to hand me that money and they can have all the half of the proceeds Mary Ann says question. I'm curious about your upcoming event Is it going to be a seminar a dinner a dance? Tell me about yes So I am hosting a live event. It's a singles mixer. It's going to be at a restaurant They have a section in the restaurant that can fit about 50 60 people It's going to be open to both men and women I will do about an hour and a half of Conversation starting at 7 p.m. At night That's going to take us till about 8 30 and then it's going to be a mixer where people can interact with one another my goal is to do this once a month in Los Angeles as I Mean the pro I don't get to keep any of the money because it's going to the person who's putting it on for me I'm doing it because I want people to start connect kind of like Like speed dating in a way, but it's not speed dating because you get to interact with people whom you wish to Okay, so thank you Mary Ann. I appreciate that Amy. Thank you for the $5 super sticker That means we only have 20 more dollars to go for tonight. They hit our $50 goal Julie angle is in the house Jonathan this may be random, but why are women stand-offish with me and men have no problem talking to me, especially in the workplace? okay, I vague I I remember I Didn't study this, but I I posed I I posed a question in my Facebook some years ago I did a poll and this seems to be very this seems to be an interesting Dynamic between women and women I Believe women probably on some Subconscious or instinctual level believe that they're in competition with each other For resources, so they're very competitive in the work environment and since men aren't competing with them in the same way Men can be very generous to the women in the workplace and vice versa I believe there's some underlying instinctual or subconscious Competition going on between women women you ladies can be fucking brutal to one another I mean the cattiness I've witnessed over the year God. I've watched movies where this happens So I mean that's just my understanding I am not a behavioral scientist or an expert to give you the real concise reason, but that's just my rough thoughts on that So thank you, Julie for that question Okay, and MJ just pointed out I forgot that at six seven and eight So I forgot to include nine. So again, I forgot to include they healed from their past relationship. So thank you Oh, there you go. You added it right there. So there you go. Thank you so much Power cheese said the last guy I dated wouldn't shut up about this X is X is oh my god. I Can't tell you how many times I've gone on a first or second or third date with someone who they just wouldn't shut up about their past Relationships. Oh that red flag red. No, that was deal breaker deal breaker deal breaker deal breaker I get it whether it's a man or woman someone who's hung up on their past Clearly isn't ready But they think they are because they want to see the problem is we humans, you know Like there's a hole inside of us when our relationship ends and we want to fill that hole immediately We've got to do our best to fill our that hole with our own self-love Mel Stiller says my personal experience has taught me something very important never jump from the flames into the fire Amen to that. Amen to that Power cheese says oops here we go power cheese says It's very true Jonathan women compete with other women in the workplace. Yeah, why ladies? Why is that? Shouldn't be in competition. You should be on the same side Mel says Women are extremely competitive. It could be very nasty to each other. It's kind of ironic. I mean Isn't it isn't it kind of sad and why I say humans are rather dysfunctional That's a perfect example Sally Question wait, so you want someone to hand you all the money to start up a dating site And they only get half the profit wouldn't you be working as the employee and manager and get 50%? By the way, I just was off the cuff ripping. So yeah But if someone wants my expertise, I don't know And that's why I'm not gonna do it because I don't expect it Hey, does anyone want to join the hot seat tonight join the hot seat? It'd be fun to have someone on live Gigi said brutal a neighbor bought 14 of her friends to my house because her husband stared at Me too long at a party. The beaches are over 65. I don't understand that. Okay Men respect each other more brotherhood You know men can be by the way men can be ridiculously Competitive as well. I just think in the workforce They're not nasty about it, but men can be ridiculously competent competitive as well. I Mean, you know, it's one of the reasons why well anyway I'm you know, it's just it's just a fact of life You know, there is a component of human basic need for Survival and within that oftentimes people are very myopic To their actions towards other people. That's just my rough perception on that. Okay Light how or excuse me Sherry says lighthouse men compete against each other as well. It's more about image status and money Yeah, exactly Mel says but it's true Jonathan if you want your reputation to be destroyed hang out with women for a few minutes And you'll get your wish. I don't get that one. But thank you Okay, Barbara says I'm a woman and things are actually changing both professionally and in the working It was because we had limited resources. We're slowly gaining more resources from From even men and competition is balancing out. Okay, that's good to hear Julie says men are territorial very true statement. We men can be very territorial Sherry says I see men bullying and competing at work. Yeah, that happens that happens Lighthouse seems to think that men protect each other more than women, you know, I'm I'm grateful I'm not in the day-to-day work environment because I got it Okay, I had a colleague of mine. We went out to line. I had a I had a referral for The the to do business with these two people and I brought one of my Contemporaries and we would all be able to work with these two people but I went to the bathroom And I was gone maybe five minutes, let's say and when I came back He and I we wrapped up the lunch and we came back to the office And I got a text message from or a call from one of the women. She said hey Jonathan I want to let you know what happened your colleague Through you under the bus. He was critical of you. He complained about you. He judged you and And I'm like and she goes because you and I are friends. I'm letting you know what he did And I'm thinking to myself. What a fucking asshole, you know I'm doing you a favor by introducing you to someone you could network with and you threw me under the bus Now there are some things I could say about this that would be politically Incorrect, so I'm not gonna say what I believe happened, but what a fucking asshole Anyway, so yes men do it as well Mel says survival has to do or competition has to do with survival of the species exactly Mel Sally says Mel you almost said but Jonathan Folks hey, do we have any questions the answer no he was not he was married with children, okay? So I don't think it had anything to do with that Julie says okay Jonathan, what if a random guy that? Random guy that us as a mutual friend would send a dick pic lol never responded hardly at all total turnoff to me Yeah, I think guys who send dick pics and sending naked pictures to one another. It's just just Not a classy thing to do although I've been criticized that my profanity isn't a classy thing But I'm here to say that Explosives are used to enhance the sentence and I recognize for some of you that my profanity or cursing is offensive to you I get that and you know it and I recognize that I can't please everyone. I can't please everyone I Just use it for a fact Okay, I use it for a fact and if it bothers you I understand if you don't want to watch my videos Okay, and I do it for a little bit do it for the humor as well So and as Sharon says f them all, okay? Thank you Ariel says what do you think of making a dating app with only video profiles? hmm Okay, I've got something personal to share with you guys ladies, okay my Ex-wife and I met through a video dating service now. Let me give you a little bit of the backstory. Okay, so this was 1990 was January of 1990 and Back then there used to be a company called great expectations that You would go into their office. You pay thousands of dollars. You would record a video It would be put into a library There would be like a little profile of picture of you with a little essay and then a person would come in Oh, they would match you up with you know You would review the profiles and pick people you want to meet and you'd watch a video of theirs Sure enough my now ex-wife Aaron had we this was a new company that opened up in Gardena, which is the city next to Redondo Beach okay, and and they put out all these flyers all over Redondo Beach video dating service This is 1990. Okay, and So I looked through a few of the profiles I put in my request for someone what turns out she saw my profile and put a record Oh, no, I saw her profile and put a request. I'd like to meet her So then she had to physically drive to the location View the profile watch the video and then agree whether or not she'd meet me and it turns out I recognized her See it used to be she She used to be she worked as a cocktail waitress at Cheesecake Factory now She was also at the same time. She was putting herself through college She had a job as an accountant and this was her side hustle to make some extra money And I knew her because the bartender there was a old high school friend of mine So anyway when I saw her profile, I said hey, I recognized you and she remembered who I was and So we had a date. We went to El Toritos on the pier I can actually see it right there. All the blinds are down right now, but El Toritos like right there I think it was January 20th 1990 somewhere around that time And we had a first date that turned into a second date that turned into a third date that turned into a fourth date We eventually started hanging out with my friends, you know, it was interesting I don't think we slept together for quite some time by the way dating was so different back in the 1990s It wasn't about getting laid. It was actually about getting to know someone. It was vastly different than today Because there used to be you know, you had to jump through more hoops Visit to get into to sleep with someone you had to be in relationship with someone to sleep with someone Except for one night stands you meet someone at a bar. You're drunk and two people go home together. Okay Anyway, that is how I met My now ex-wife we met through a video dating service Back in 1990. I was up mid late late 20s back then Anyway, I hope you appreciate that little story Beach lover says oh great expectations. That's how I met my husband 35 years ago way to go Okay, Amy is in the house Five months relationship transition to friends for me But not for him do not want do not want to block him, but he won't accept Don't know what to do. I need to move on to better match you know This is the tough thing when you still have feelings for someone and maybe you even wish to get back together with them I think that's what you're saying is You're blocking him I don't know what to do. I need to move on Wait five months who transits friends for me and not for him So if he doesn't want to be friends, it's because he I'm sorry Maybe he's dealing with the pain and he needs to have you know Space from any friendship because being friends with someone requires sometimes being rather being you see It's one thing to be a social friend with someone It's another thing to be an intimate friend and when you've been physically intimate with someone It's very difficult to transition that because a lot of times there's an emotional Dependency going on so he's sounds like he's created a clear wall that he just doesn't want to go there And I guess your job is to accept that Grieve it and then move on accept it grieve it move on Mel Stiller says eons ago in the age of dinosaurs I met my husband number one at a family barbecue many moons later. I met number two I was out with friends and we went to a bar guess which marriage lasted longer. I Don't know which marriage lasts longer. Please. Let us know met Mel Power cheese says how do you how do you? Income decompress and recharge your social dating battery after dealing with so many dates with draining women Well First off, I haven't the the the speed dating I used to do or serial dating was years ago I mean today I am very selective on whom I'm whom I will communicate with and My hope is that I'm that being selective That so I'm actually interacting with so few people in fact as I said before I haven't gone on a date with anyone Because no one has sparked my fancy enough to want to go on a date with them Again, most dating profiles are so poorly done that I'm I'm rather not interested in many of them So how do you recharge your batteries? You know, I've hold a vision It's like the law of it's not the law of attraction. It's the law of assumption Assumed this person is in my life. I Just already assumed it. I'm just holding space for when she enters in the front door not literally figuratively So I just hold space that that it's I already make the assumption that that person is in my life Okay, that's how I I recharge my battery Sally says do you have do you have dances in America in UK growing up? We used to meet and go dancing at clubs now at a certain age places to do that aren't there Aren't any life was better in the 80s. I love the 80s going out to bars and go dancing. Yes, you can still go dancing But they're not the same as they used to be There aren't as many bars where you go dancing at least locally here where That was called a nightclub which had dancing associated with it. So yeah But they do exist. Okay, they do exist Julie says that's true. Jonathan now everyone wants to get laid. I get it. I get it. I get it. Oh Barbara says bumble and hinge. I forgot to mention that do allow you to put videos up on your site I don't believe match.com allows that but I do I know for certain bumble and hinge For certain allow that okay Disco tax. Yes, Amy says I love the 80s Oh Mel gave us the answer marriage number one lasted longer have two sons in ten years He decided to walk out and play footsie with another woman. So Well Does lasting longer mean anything? I don't know Does it matter if someone was married 30 years or three years that big like they still ended? Anyway, I'm gonna repeat those nine classy behaviors because I screwed up in the original one Okay, and we're gonna wrap up for tonight number one their actions match their words consistently number two They are generous and kind number three. They communicate clearly without wanting to be right Number four, they don't use people. They are clear about the type of commitment. They seek number five They have their act together number six. They have healed from past relationships number seven They are introspective and work on themselves to grow beyond their limitations wounds and traumas number eight They are protective nurturing and empathetic and number nine They believe trust is paramount in their life and those are the classy behaviors That men and women will notice and find incredibly attractive if you're an emotionally grown-up man and emotionally grown-up woman Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know if it is post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts on all this as always if you found value in this video Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel hit that notification bell So you can be notified of new videos Also, if you want to connect with me schedule a discovery call. There's links below to Schedule a call with me to join my group called midlife love mastery to find me on Instagram to get all the books I recommend and my dating vows as well. We're gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off Give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow give it or them a hug of love There's hugs are a great source of love and let's face it We could all use more love in our lives and Amy wants to remind us Trust is paramount exactly beach lover says good job. J. A. Margaret says, thank you Beach wait Sally says Thanks, Jonathan Net detective says hugs power cheese says, thank you Phyllis says live. Yes live chats are good. I Want to thank all of you that donated to the Connor as a scholarship fund I am so grateful for all of you. You are wonderful human beings to be so generous with me and Mostly importantly that I am grateful that I can help make a difference in many of your lives So thanks for putting up with my profanity and expletives every now and again I am truly grateful and I just want to give you all a big gigantic hug of appreciation Thanks a bunch wishing you all a super duper wonderful fantastic evening