 Who here is pro-casual sex? Today, I am so excited to bring to you guys this conversation I had, this candid conversation on casual sex that I did in partnership with an app called Pure, which is exclusively for people interested in finding someone to hook up with, not necessarily to couple up with. So it's been a while for me since I have been in the casual sex market, mind you I did do it years ago, but I wanted to find people who had some relevant and relative experience to share with you guys. And so I invited six beautiful women into my home and had a very naked conversation where some cool things were said like this. But I do love all manner of men, I'm attracted to gay men, bisexual men, trans men, most interesting thing, I'm very attracted to masculinity. Yo, and we had some funny side conversations on random things like dick pics, like this. I actually really like dick pics, I like them. I'm not like solicited. I'm not solicited. I'm not dick pic pro. Are we like split evenly right now? No way. But mostly we just talked honestly about our experience, our triumphs, our struggles as sexual women. So I want you guys to officially meet these women and hear how they define sex. My name is Mae. I guess I define sex as just an activity where two people are really vulnerable with each other. To me over the years it's become something that's not as much of a big deal. And it was always a big deal and now I just kind of see it as just another way to get to know someone. Hi, my name is Mia. Sex to me is exploring someone deeper than the surface because I think when you have an intimate relationship with someone, you would never see that side of them. If you're just talking to them or even touching them with clothes on, I think it's such a deep bonding experience with someone. Yeah. I'm Shezza and sex is simply the most integral part of the human experience. I guess to me that's how I look at it. I feel you on so many levels with that answer. Because the only thing I can think of is that it's a gift from God. Anyway, I'm Chelsea and I have a lot of sex moments. I'm Lori and I guess sex is like to me the most carnal, enjoyable thing that we do in our lifetime. Maybe it's like eating good food. Yeah. And I think it's something that we should do as much as possible while we still can. You know, of course as much as it makes us comfortable too. So yeah, that's what I think. I'm Colleen and what they said. But also I think for me, sex is the closest thing and I'm magic. So magic. Sex is magic. I think that sex is up to the individual to define what it is, what it includes. I think sex is expansive, open, it's limitless. What I define sex now is so different than how I defined it two years ago or even, you know, five years ago for that matter. So next up, I asked the ladies to define casual sex or if it even needed a separate definition at all. But this question in general though led to like my most favorite portion of the entire conversation. I shouldn't, I don't draw lines. Like it's not casual sex, it's just sex. And it could become a relationship, but maybe it won't. It doesn't matter. That's, you know, and I feel like that makes it more, you know, because like calling it casual sex almost gives the other kind of sex something, you know. And other things. It others it and it's really just sex at the end of the day. If it's a situation where you're not in a partnership having sex, to me it's really good if we can both hold our shit together enough to completely let go in this moment and respect each other. And I feel like even with me just recently, I was in a casual relationship with someone and I found myself thinking like, oh, like when is he going to ask me to be his girlfriend? You know, like when are we going to define this? And you shouldn't have to have that thought. Like people push it on you. Like, oh, you're having sex with this guy. You should definitely talk about what this is. And you should just have sex if you want to just have sex. And it's so ridiculous to expect to know whether you want to have a relationship with him just because you love him. Yeah. I mean, yes, it's very intimate. You need to know what they're like in bed, but like there's so much more about them. Like they could be the best thing that ever happened in your bedroom. That doesn't mean you have to be with them. I don't know about this one because this is a thing that a lot of I think women share amongst each other. This idea that soul ties, that when you invite someone into your body, like you are intrinsically tied to that person. Does that feel true to you? It does not feel true to me. It's never felt true to me either. I've always thought that was kind of a weird thing. Like, no, I've been hurt more by friendships than any of the people I've had sex with. Like my partnership right now is completely platonic and that's the one that gets in my head. Like these dudes that I'm not here having sex with not so much, you know what I mean? So it's, I don't think so. I think it gets put on us so much though that we start to believe that and that's all it takes. If you believe it, that's all it takes. I mean, there is like a biological truth to that where it's like oxytocin is released. There are certain things that chemically would bind together with someone. As long as you're aware of that, it's fine. Like my first Friends Benefits relationship is my current relationship. But that prior to him, I wrote an article saying oh, Friends Benefits don't work. It doesn't make any sense because the way the woman gets pleased is by somebody who is like prioritizing her pleasure. Unless a man cares for you, he's not going to do that. And I ended up with like a long-term relationship. I got into that and then I was like, I want to fuck someone new. Like it was just like, that was an idea in my mind and then I was auditioning dudes. Like I would bring them over and make out and be like, ah, not you. You know, it's not good. And then when I found the right one, I was like, you. And then we engaged in a long-term, successful Friends Benefits where like, that was clear that that's all that that was. And it was so freeing and positive, that sex of my life and all of those things. But like, it was a matter of me having to control my biology because I knew the choice that I made was more powerful than the choice my body wanted to make. I find there's an intimacy bond when you have it and it's usually asked about some of the two hours I find where after you, there's something that does feel a little, but I also feel that way about Cheetos. Yes! And you have a break. Yes! And you know those Cheetos are in there, right? Yeah! After a while, like you go cold turkey and you're okay. Well, I want to say, like going back to the Friends Benefits thing, I don't know if this is like super logical of me, but I just had this experience like a few weeks ago. And I find that if I can have a friend and I can look at this friend that I have really good sex with and I can look at him and say like, there is a characteristic about you that I know and like a long-term partnership would not work out. I can relate to you in the compartmentalization aspect of it because the same way relationship wise, that is not always good. Sex wise, chemistry wise, a little bit of adventure. Perfect. And then it puts me in a position where like, I don't have to judge you for being a fuck boy. You don't have to judge me. You know, for being a free-spirited woman or whatever, society has told us to think about each other because I'm no longer putting the pressure that just because I'm having sex with this person, now we got to think about being in a relationship. Because really honestly, the dudes that I find always beautiful and attractive and intriguing, I find those things in them because of some characteristics that just wouldn't make them good partners. And that's okay. You don't have to be a good partner. You know what I mean? You don't have to be that. You need to be a good sexual partner. Yes. That's what your role is. A good sexual partner. I was like a career or a good job. You hire people for the given role. I wouldn't give the CEO responsibilities to the male boy. If you're the male boy, that's what I hired you for. And I'm happy as long as you're satisfying those needs. So in a world where this kind of mindset is absolutely not applauded, I was curious, how did these women come to embrace it? Growing up in the South, growing up in Texas, it's the one place where people won't practice but will still call themselves a Christian. And so having that on me, I just went through a lot of struggle with how I felt about sex. Because I was a horny kid. You know what I mean? I started masturbating so young and watching porn so young and humping teddy bears and fantasizing about any and everything, all of it. And I grew up with life-putting on me that maybe that wasn't a good idea and if relationships wouldn't work out, then I would think maybe it's because we had sex too fast and it's completely ignoring the fact that I just wanted to be having sex and there was nothing wrong with that. I grew up in a household where I was essentially taught first of all, no boys until college or whatever and sex is purely for the enjoyment of the man and every man is just out to take advantage of every woman. That's the kind of feeling that grew up. And my only, but I sort of instinctively always felt like that can't be right. I lost my virginity with a guy when I was 14 and we were in love, you know? We stayed together for three years but ever since that part opened, when I discovered sex, I was like, wow, there's so many different people I can have sex with, like, there's not just this guy. So, yeah, that's how I experienced sex for myself. I just really wanted to experience other people. That's why I really love to embrace the hashtag How Is Life because it normalizes this idea that women who are open and sexual are hoes but it's this idea that being a woman who's free is it that's life and that's beautiful. One of my favorite parts of online dating is that no longer is it a solo sport. It can absolutely be a thing that you do with a group of friends. Taking my friend's phone and swiping for them is one of my favorite activities and so I wanted to bring that spirit to these group of women. So I had everyone download the app and try it for the very first time on camera. Now, Pure is an app designed for awesome people who are interested in hooking up. Now, what's cool about it is that it is a one-hour experience. You put out a request saying that you're down for a hookup. They find people in your area, you match and then you have an hour to chat. If you guys don't come to an agreement in that hour, the conversation disappears and aside from that, everything disappears. They don't log any information about their users and best of all, it's available on the Android and on iPhone worldwide. But because it is a city app, it's most active in certain cities like London, Moscow, New York and Los Angeles. And what do you guys know? We just so happen to be in Los Angeles. Well, I do want to try the app right now. So for you guys at home, if you want to try along with us, it's free for women, which we all happen to be cis women. So let's go ahead and look at you guys today. I already did this yesterday. This is my trap photo. Should I put a sexier photo then? No, I think it's whatever it means. Whatever you want. Oh wow, I just got one. You just got what? I just found the same thing. So when it says he's down for a meeting, does that mean they like you? Yeah, they put yes. Would you yes anybody here? I would yes. I appreciate this guy. Is he keeping it real? Yeah. You know what I mean? I just need to know what to expect. He's got some class. Is it just an hourly thing? At the bottom, this is my request. You can cancel your request. So you can play delete now. So if you say me too, what happens? Are we meeting? No, then the chat opens up. I'm going to chat with this guy. Now, if you are sitting at home thinking could casual sex play a positive role in your sex life? I asked the ladies to provide some advice just for you. Once I started just being in the moment and remembering or visualizing this golden crown on my head that I'm appointing and I hold the power then I stop giving other people power. So that has been very liberating to where it's like, yeah, you can give me head. That'll be great. Yeah. All right. Thank you. That's great. I feel like especially nowadays we just have to say fuck the system and fuck what everyone thinks especially with the man that is running our country right now just do what you want and I know that's so hard for a lot of women to do especially when you have so many people coming at you like, oh, that's wrong. Don't do this. Be a woman. But no, I am being a woman. I'm being my type of woman. I think that at the same time I agree with all that but also women have to be very real with themselves because I do have a sort of come into the thinking in the older age. I have a lot of friends who are still very inhibited and I think there are people that really can't handle it and I think that if you really think you can't you shouldn't try until you're right. There are women who will be like, you know what? I will try the sexual liberation thing and then they will fall in love with the first guy they sleep with and it can be sometimes even more damaging than it is. You just said everything that I wanted to say because that is it. You just know yourself. You know if you're somebody who... you might really want to experience sex only with one person in the context of this very intimate relationship. There is nothing wrong with that as long as you're constantly honoring your desires. You know what I mean? And it's just... the only advice I would give is constantly question whether your feelings are your own. I will be like, I'm this way and I'm this way and then two years later I'm doing something that's more I never would do. That's cool too though because that could have been your truth two years ago. Exactly. And I'm more open. To yourself that space, that flexibility. Just saying like, yeah, casual sex is a no for me right now and then two years later and I've been that person. The same existed in all spectrums and I'm proud of that and I'm proud of my contradictions. And to me that's what freedom is as a woman. In a 2013 paper by Social Science Research it found that 28% of men and 4% of women said that they would lose respect for women but not men who hooked up frequently. So there's no denying that there is a stigma and probably will continue to be one. And I want to know how do women who enjoy casual sex combat that? It's a stigma and it's a taboo for women to even just be talking about sex which is silly to me. But to get through that I try to be, I'm just transparent with that individual. Yeah, I think I find the stigma not directly to me but I find that in my circle of friends I feel like I'm kind of the only person that is super open with having sex maybe on the first date, maybe after three dates. I feel like my friends wait and they are more the type of people that are like, I want a relationship and therefore I'm not going to have sex right away. And when I'm like, oh yeah, well I like him and I don't know what I'm doing but we decided to just have sex. He came and visited me and we just talked and they're like, wait, why? Don't do anyone. Think about that first and I'm like, these are my friends. I feel kind of alone in that space a lot of the time. I find it kind of ironic when I feel that from other women because I had this, as I became more like sexually open I would talk to my friends about it and I had this repetition about my girlfriends of being like, oh, because you don't, you just are pro-sex everything and you're just have sex and on the first date and all this other stuff but I had sex ultimately with fewer people sometimes than they did but they didn't see it that way because I didn't have to be like, and it's like for me when I really feel a connection with someone which is very rare but for them it's like, well, you bought me dinner three times and you fulfill the requirement so why not try it. So it's very, it's almost like I felt that people who projected that stigma onto me were more obsessed with sex even than I was. Absolutely. I would consider myself demisexual and so and sometimes I borderline asexual to be honest like when I'm just not like I can go years and like not even think about it and not date and not do any of that and then sometimes I'm really, really, really horny and it just depends if I meet someone and that connection is there and that chemistry is there then I want to bang you let's do this kind of you know and I respect your humanity and all that good stuff but you don't have to be my partner and that's the only place for me that the stigma gets on my nerves is with because this is a partner situation for this moment right and if you are wrestling with my humanity after this because really you're wrestling with your own like if you don't respect me for having sex with you too soon it's because you think you're dirty and that has nothing to do with it and I don't have time for that. Alright, so last but definitely not least you should never have a conversation about sex whether it's with seven women or just one person without discussing safe sex Alright guys, so we are finished playing right now are we finished playing right now? I'm going back to Jack later How do you address or broach the topic of safe sex when it comes to casual sex? I have I keep condoms with me if you look in my wallet I have them in different purses there's at least one if there's two they have two different sizes not for the discriminate not for the discriminate but I mean it's there so there's never like why I don't have one because I always have one I think that's that's really important for me as a standard it doesn't even have to be much of a conversation like we aren't having sex if there is no common person in the period I'm very nope, not my body and there are also ways to ask about it without making an interview sometimes because like people who are ignorant about their sexual health it comes out so easily I'm shocked the things that some people say like I've had and this was like just a friend but my friend was like oh I mean I've never had contact with you know the sex industry so why should I get tested we're gonna exchange body fluids that conversation should be the easiest part yes exactly and it's not that's easy I've finally gotten to the point of being brave enough to not give oral sex until I know that person has been tested and I feel like that got took me a while to be able to have that conversation but I'm like okay I'm not gonna just touch anything and I'm not gonna do it and so I'm like really like psycho conscious about that thing but like it just it makes me feel better at the end of the day and I'm like I let that person know like you'll get tested I'll get tested like it doesn't even bother me that I'm not gonna give it or you don't have to give it to me like I can wait thank you to all of the amazing women who took part in this discussion if you go on the info box below there is their links, initiatives and blogs down there also in the info box is a download link to the app as well as more information if you're still not quite convinced if it is for you remember it is free for women hi and also in the info box I put some suggested questions that you guys can use to spark your own conversation on casual sex amongst your friends but let's not wait till then let's start the conversation right here right now I wanna know what are your thoughts on casual sex when it comes to your sex life