 Your coca-cola bottler presents Claudia Claudia based on the original stories by Rose Franken Brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles coca-cola Relax and while you're listening refresh yourself Have a coke and now Claudia Good morning, mr. Naughty. You want a new car? Yeah, can you get it down right away? We're in a hurry, okay? Mr. Naughton's car coming Sounds like a quick lunch counter hamburger coming up the way these fellows handle cars It's a wonder the fenders don't look like hamburgers David if you're late Why don't you go right down to the office and let me take a driver's test alone? How would you get there drive? Of course, it's only a couple of blocks away, but you haven't got a license But I can drive you've got to have a license before you drive That's as silly as which came first the egg of the chicken. I failed to see any connection with the case in hand silly There's every connection look you can't drive before you have a license and you have to know how to drive before you can get a license naturally Well, then how does anyone learn how to drive if they have to have a license first? They get a learner's permit Why didn't they give me one because you told me you knew how and if you insisted on getting your license right away Of course, why not Lord is your car mr. Naughton did you put gas in it? She's just on the half a full well I haven't time this morning, but always fill it up with gas before I take it out with you. Okay Claudia Are you absolutely sure you know how to drive well enough to take this license test? I know how to drive well enough to drive You don't have to know how the engine works. They're all about those thingamajigs Do you and you have to know about some of the thingamajigs? Oh, well, you better tell me then Say David, what sort of driving do they test you on? What do you mean? What sort of driving? I mean plane driving or fancy driving? I do plane driving. All right. Now. Let me get this straight What kind of driving do you call fancy driving? Well? Driving backward is fancy driving. I don't think I drive backward too awfully well I am assuming that when you say driving backwards you're talking about backing into a parking spot Assuming whenever you're nervous you get stuffy to hide it David. I don't see what you're nervous about you don't huh I Can back a little it's not something you do a little like like dancing Oh, well, what I mean is I I don't always get the hang of it. That's just fine. Listen Backing a car is one of the things they're bound to test you on well show me I can't show you how we're driving along in the middle of traffic I can only tell you a cardinal rule what always turn the wheel in the direction. You don't want to go Huh, what do you mean? Huh? I mean why so the car will go in the direction. You do want it to go I See you sort of sneak up on it while it isn't looking. Hey David watch out for that truck now Don't teach me how to drive. I'm not. I just don't want us to get killed Say David, what's that little stick? What's that little stick you jiggle? What little stick that one there under the wheel? That's the gear shift you jiggle. It's oh Say listen, Claudia. Are you sure that you know how to drive? Oh, I've driven for years for years. How many years? Oh about seven or thereabouts according to my calculation that brings you to the age of 11 or thereabouts Thereabouts then when you were 11 years old your feet wouldn't have touched the floor They didn't how'd you know nearly assuming that you were a normal 11 year old in size anyway How did you drive if your feet couldn't touch the floor? Oh, I sat in George's lap He used his feet and I steered you sat in George's lap. Yeah, you stared You were 11 right? I guess there's no grounds for jealousy, but who was George? George's at Louisa's man down in the country Claudia, I know you must have been very cute sitting in George's lap steering at Louisa's car. Oh, I was I don't think that Technically comes under the heading of driving the car. Oh, don't be silly. I drove after that Using your own feet, of course using my own feet and without George helping you know all alone Anyway, about that time George is dead how Did he die Claudia? He just died no accident or anything The heart failure maybe no pneumonia It had nothing to do with my driving if that's what's in your mind. It was Now to return to this little stick When you drove did you ever shift gears? Oh? Is that what it's for in that louisa's car was in the middle of the floor for the past number of years It's been here That's not a good place for it now. We'll take that up later with the manufacturer In the minute in the meantime now all the all the positions are the same as they've always been even reverse I could always find reverse Good, and they'll start from there how Did you find reverse? Well, it always made a loud noise At louisa's car must have been a pretty wreck when you finished with it all George drew a diagram of where everything was where What was a 1 2 3 was and reverse he pasted it on the brake front? I suppose you mean the dashboard. That's what I said and after George died David you talk as if I were an idiot I didn't say I couldn't change gears I merely said it was difficult to do it sideways instead of on the floor Look, you're right. It is difficult It's more than difficult. It's complicated what that darling listen Why not postpone this test and I'll take you out someday for a little practice in the country How about you don't seem to have any confidence in me David think of all the people who drive it's so I'm thinking of them And wondering why there aren't more accidents Now what happens David almost anything can happen from here on out that guy's driving off I guess we're next I guess Which one of you has taken a test I am you going along in the backseat mister Sometimes wives get nervous with their husbands along. I'd much rather go than wait. Will it make you nervous claudia? Who me nervous? Why should it make me nervous? All right. Come on. Let's get going Claudia that button puts the top down. Oh does it? Oh, yes Well, it'll be much pleasanter with the top down. Don't you think that's the windshield wipers lady It's a nice day. Remember you just put the top down Claudia That's the radio button. I know that's the radio Really these new cars have so many buttons and gadgets on them so wonder how anybody gets it started If you want to start the motor you just press this knob lady Nothing happens inspector. You press that knob when you want to light a cigarette. Oh, sorry. That's my mistake Oh, this is it Claudia take your foot off the accelerator I am Anybody think you think I didn't know I think I didn't know how to drive. Well, anyway lady. You got us started And just drive up the street a couple of blocks, huh? No Well pretty soon lady. There are more people waiting to take their tests. All right Up the street. Yes, lady up the street Just plain driving as plain and as careful as you can make it. I was just wondering Claudia Claudia that I know reverse I I just wanted to check it to see if it was still there. It don't have a habit of moving Now Are you ready lady? We've been ready. All right. All right Here we go. I I think the thing a magic grab quick Oh The thing a magic grab so quick and then it shook my teeth out What's the matter with it? David it didn't do that this morning when you drove it over here No, darling. It did. Maybe the car ain't lady broke. Oh, that's a western express. Are you from the west? Yeah, west 49th street, but I've been to the movies The lights changed lady stop You sure stopped sudden Who you said to stop you were so quick it took the rest of the words out of my mouth I was going to say stop at the intersection I'm practically there, but you messed up the traffic behind you claudia the lights changed again. Go ahead Are you ready? You won't catch me twice lady. I'm holding on for dear life. All right You sure fooled me that time never a dull moment See the car is working better now. Sure. That's it. It's the car Now very slowly lady come to a stop. Oh park the car between those two cars there Park it. Yeah park it. You know like you were going to get out and leave it I'm not though. Am I no no you ain't getting out quite yet Neither are my worst luck Then why should I park it? This is a driving test lady. See the inspector wants to know if you can park the car Oh Certainly better get started Go on park. All right. I am Lady I said between those two cars you went ahead of them from here to the corner is completely empty I thought you said this was a driving test. It is. That's why I told you to park the car between those two cars Just to see if you know how but no good driver would go into a cramped little space like that with a whole empty block in front of him Really, you know, you have to use your common sense when you drive you make it hard for the other car to get out too Okay, lady You park the car Now wait for the lights to go red and turn the car around Around yeah around you mean All the way around the inspector means all the way around plotting you mean Like I'd forgotten something or what look you got me. So I don't know what I mean Yeah, I don't think it's good to make circles even in a big street like this I didn't say turn it around like that. I just said turn it around To me. You're not making sense. I mean just Turn and go back the way you came Oh, that's different You had me puzzled for a minute. I had you puzzled. Claudia just relax and think of george's laugh and relax Oh, no, that would mix my feet up. Say buddy. You nuts too could be could be all right. We're going to turn now Are you ready that expression gives me the willies lady They say it when planes go off when they fire guns and usually just before somebody gets hurt Hey, hold on a minute. Wait the bus gets out of the way before you try it The way you say try it sounds as if you don't expect me to be able to make it My philosophy is don't expect nothing expect the worst I only get money for this job soldiers get medals for less Or clear let's go And don't close your eyes like that We made it Of course there was nothing to it No, what'll I do drive you back to where we started from? No, no, no sense tempting providence twice No lady just draw up right along here someplace and I'll walk the rest of the distance But there's no trouble officer. Thanks lady. This will do a little walk is just what I need Here we are safe and sound Do I get my license now or do you mail it to me lady? Please listen to reason but I passed the test didn't I I did everything you asked me to without bumping a fender either There are worse things than bumping fenders Claudia, but she didn't do any of them today worse luck She's got us there Buddy look Your wife will get her license. I can't help myself, but You seem like a nice smart fella And this is a cute little car now Maybe just a little more experience before you let her loosen traffic. Huh? I promise officer as I love my fellow countrymen I promise All story material used on this broadcast of claudia was under the supervision of rose franken and william brown meloni At refreshment stands at lunch rooms at service stations You'll find coca-cola now ice cold and ready for your enjoyment And when you shop at your favorite food store to pick up your supply of coca-cola to take home Pause for a moment and refresh yourself at the familiar red cooler Every day monday through friday claudia comes to you transcribed with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles coca-cola So listen again tomorrow at the same time And now this is joe king saying or a war and remember Whoever you are whatever you do Wherever you may be When you think of refreshment think of coca-cola Or ice cold coca-cola makes any pause the pause that refreshes