 Jaws is back, baby. And this time, it's personal. Somehow. Someway. It's personal. As of recording, it's Shark Week. So I thought it would be appropriate to talk about a movie that's not only insulting to sharks, but also to film itself. Jaws, The Revenge, is the fourth and final installment to once again end on the sourest note possible. Let's fry this fish. Today's movie roast is produced by Colton Oakwist. He's been an awesome supporter of the channel, a great live stream moderator, my brother, and my friend. And believe it or not, YouTube can become a roast producer by heading over to patreon.com slash Adam Does Movies and signing up for the Mithril membership. Or joining right here via the YouTube join button. All right, let's dive in. John Williams' score once again kicks in. It's disgusting that they can use this score in such an atrocious film, but here we are. We have our standard Shark View heading through the ocean floor. Skiddy, dee dee, dee dee, do dee do dee, done done done done, do dee dee. Terrible Jaws title card kicks up and the excitement's gone before it ever really starts going and now we're having dinner with the Brodies. Lorraine Gary's back, baby. Reprising her role for the third time as Ellen Brodie. Okay brodie brodie brodie brodie what? I know you've been loving this Shark right here. We're now at the Police Precinct with the youngest son who took up the badge like his old man, who's prominently displayed in the background, a very comically large photo of him. Yeah, he's dead. He's been killed off unceremoniously in between films. Because of course, Sean takes out one of the patrol boats to unlodge some debris from a nearby buoy. Suddenly, he's viciously attacked. And by viciously attacked, I mean, there are several shots that are very frantic and you have no idea what's going on, blood sprayed, maybe one close-up of teeth, and then that's it. Sean falls to the floor, starts throwing a fit, and then decides, hey, I better hang out near the edge of the boat some more. And wouldn't you know it? Peek-a-boo, shark pops up, takes him out again. The dipshit goes down in two rounds. Skidding, dun, dun. Another brody bites the dust, and another one's gone, and another one's gone. Another brody bites the dust, and I'm gonna get to you. Another brody bites the dust. Look out. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. After quickly confirming the kill, Ellen mourns with her family. Wise little girl points out that Uncle Sean is dead and then immediately discredits herself by asking, he gonna come home soon? He's dead, you dumb bitch. What do you think? Sorry, all right, she's a little, she's young. That's not her fault. It's the parents. Ellen's eldest son, Michael, consoles her outside before she kind of shoves him off and is like, listen, man, the shark's been after the family the whole time, man. Get your head out of the sand, man. He's been meticulously waiting and plotting this. He's got a vendetta against our family. I'm at a loss. I don't even know what this means. They killed the Great White in the first film, and then again in the second one, and then they're not even in the third movie. And so I guess maybe there was some bad altercation with a third Great White with the Brody family. Is this a kid? Is this a disgruntled son of one of the first sharks that they killed? I don't know. I have no idea, but Ellen seems to think that's what's happening here. She did point out that Brody didn't die from a Great White but was in fact scared of one the whole time. So fear really got to him in the end. Some beautiful character assassination going on. Michael yells at her, not to believe all that voodoo mumbo jumbo. The voodoo thing was kind of an odd thing to say if you don't know the history of this film and the fact that it's based off a novel where a witch doctor puts a curse on the family and this shark is an apparition, a ghost of sorts that's haunting the family. Oh, it's fantastic. That makes more sense than what we have. Well, let's keep going. At the funeral, Ellen reminisces about once being in a good Jaws movie and how great it was. We get our first flashback, presented an ugly browno vision. What, why? Why the coloring here? Ellen's now on a boat with her family, ugly crying her heart out. They're headed to the Bahamas for a holiday. Now she's on a plane, flown by Michael Cain. That was a fun rhyme, I guess. Fun fact about Michael Cain here, he made $1.5 million for a seven day shoot in the Bahamas. Poor bastard, wonder how he survived it. His character name is Hogi and he's gonna show the granddaughter what it's like to be close to death as he goes up and down with the plane. Seems like kind of poor timing. Seeing as the Brody's just left a funeral for one of their family members, but you do you, Hogi. Ellen wakes up from a fever dream where she's attacked by a shark. So she has some PTSD for sure. She's trying to deal with things and it's not going well. Her son, Michael's out at sea doing science stuff. He was given a grant to study snails or slugs or who gives a shit, it doesn't matter. We're introduced to his buddy Jake, a fellow crew member who's super annoying and I hope gets eaten by a shark very quickly. All right, Michael's back with his mom, Ellen, who's once again yelling at him to switch jobs because it's that easy. It's that easy, mom, to just quit what you're doing on YouTube after trying to build up an audience for over a decade and just start something new. Let's just start over at him. It's time to give up, it's not working. Wait, what was I talking about? As luck wouldn't have it, our shark friend from the beginning of the film that killed one of the Brody family members already has swan his ass to the Bahamas. He's going on vacation. That's right, he tracked down the Brody family from New York to the Bahamas, swimming just over 1,000 miles to find them because everybody knows that sharks have that ability. They just take in the scent of a person and then boom, it's locked in the data bank and they can just swim all across the ocean, finding them with ease. These are shark things. These are things sharks can do. Hogi's back in the mix, interrupting a beautiful sandcastle build. Very nice structure here. It's probably for the best though, as Ellen had just heard a shark growl. At that very moment, Michael picks up the binocs and he spies with his little eyes, Hogi putting the moves on the old lady. Ellen reiterates to Hogi that she is 100% positive that the shark from their past is back to kill them all. What shark she's referring to, I certainly don't know because again, the ones I'm familiar with blew the fuck up. Jake's underwater collecting a paycheck and I'm hoping the shark shows up to collect a Jake. We'll find out. And there he is. And oh my God, this is awful. This is genuinely embarrassing to watch. While this fugly puppet blob is ramming into a boat, Ellen's shark sense is tingling. She knows something's up and the reason she knows is because she's a strong female lead. And for the Jaws franchise, it's about time. Jake unfortunately survives the attack and Michael wants to keep this whole thing under wraps, especially from his mom who's preoccupied trying to get a Hogi inside of her. And no, I'm not referring to the sandwich. Meanwhile, Michael's wife is hoping to get a Hogi inside her as well as she flicks off her underwear right into her husband's face. This woman only exists in the film to be very frisky. Michael of course can't resist and he takes her right there. His mom meanwhile, gives Hogi a crisp handshake for the night. Michael Cain seems upset here. Hopefully the $1.5 million can console him later. We're now at a casino birthday party where Hogi just lost a bunch of money. That's okay, he has it to burn. During this sequence, we're treated to a mother-son dance where Ellen informs Michael she's done with the shark. That fish has failed and she's ready to move on with her life. But Michael's not. Back on the boat, Jake is super eager now to study the great white shark and he convinces Michael that they can spend a few days doing this. We then for some reason spend more time with Michael's hot wife as she scolds him for not taking out the trash. The takeaway here is she's once again, sexually frustrated. So they make sweet, fiery, passionate love right there in a welding room. Hot. Hot. This elegantly transitions to the crew, chumming for the shark. I'm chumming, I'm chumming. This is the opportune time for Jake to be taken up by the shark. Come on, you dumb-ass fish, he's right there. And so is the shark. The fin comes up. What is this shot? Look at this shit. This is real, this is real life? That looks like a blow-up. Did they forget they were filming on the day? Had intern Ben go over to the pool house, grab whatever flotation device he could find, blow it up and then just push it off to sea? Jake is able to successfully stick the rubber dildo with a tracking device. Presumably so the team is able to fully comprehend how a great white shark is able to conceive of who killed his family members, hold the vendetta for several decades and then track them across the ocean where he then can easily pick them off. It's truly impressive and bewildering at the same time. Hopefully they can get some data on this. Mrs. Brody's over the moon, chatting it up with Carla in her sex-welding dungeon about Hoagie. Cut to Michael who's now also woken from a fever dream about the shark and probably about signing up for this film which in turn was career suicide. We have a cringy callback scene in the kitchen where Michael's channeling the old man playing peek-a-boo with the little one. I hate this. It also really bothers me that right now Jake is at his place sleeping soundly in the comfort of his own bed instead of the belly of a shark. The next morning, calamity hits. Michael is attacked in his little yellow submarine but he might be singing a different tune once this affair is over. He swims into a sunken ship while the shittiest looking shark model I've ever seen slowly approaches. Michael suddenly forgets how to swim and slowly falls to the floor. We now have one single shot in this flick that looks pretty cool. Clearly the entire budget went to this one moment of the shark breaking through the side of the hull. That's it, that's it. Much like Eminem, Michael's not afraid to take a stand. He's going back in. Sometime goes by and it looks like he got himself quite the collection of seashells. Could have saved himself a lot of time and trouble and just headed on over to the local gift shop and picked some out of the bowl, but this works too. Beach day at the Bahamas is in full swing. Swimming, boating and even a sculpture contest. What else is going on at the beach today? Oh yeah, Thea decides to get on the banana boat and then is swiftly attacked by a fucking shark. Thankfully, the shark gets confused for once and eats a woman that looks nothing like her. This sends Ellen into full-blown Ripley mode as she commandeers a boat and takes off after the creature. She heads out stag. Now the hunter becomes the hunted. Ooh, I can't wait for this movie to be over. Hogi and the boys get in his Cessna to catch up with the Mrs. After 10 seconds, Ellen spots the shark and says, come and get me, you son of a bitch. Which I imagine is a nod to what her husband said in the first film, which they will also bring up later. At some point, you would think the Brody's would realize standing near the edge of the boat, not a good look. An even worse idea, as the shark already pops up. Hi, but he doesn't even snap at her. It's just a tease. Oh, he should point out in this shot, it appears the Great White was animated by a child's claymation project. Hogi, now shot out of a cannon, smashes into the water with the Cessna, the boys get out, Hogi's still in the plane, but uh-oh, stinky, the shark's headed right to him. That's right, Jaws. Now, hankering for a Hogi, waddles his fat ass over to the plane and starts teething on the side of the wing. Some of the folks seem pretty concerned, but I think deep down, Michael wants this to happen. Never trusted the guy. You can't replace my father. Upon seeing this, Ellen has another one of her world famous fits, but thankfully it's short-lived. Hogi made it out of the plane, and Michael's there to help him psych, punches him in the chest, Hogi goes backwards, the shark takes off down the water, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, just chews the shit out of him. In Michael's mind. Now really, Hogi gets on the boat, he's fine. Jake has a genius plan to get a device inside of the shark because he points out sharks will eat anything, they're dumb creatures. But then Ellen counters with the right hook saying it's not food this shark's after. It's revenge. She didn't say that part, but she showed up. With only 10 minutes left, dreams really can come true. As Jake successfully gets the device inside of the shark along with his own body. That's right, Jake is gonzo, baby. It's going down, I'm yelling timber. Jaws, now doing his patented roar that all sharks do, swims away with Jake still kicking and flailing under the water. Vintage Jaws. I should once again point out the shark looks like an absolute ass here. Michael freaks out in this moment yelling, Jake. The shark slowly saunters off, num, num, num, num, num, num, num, num, num, num, num. Jake is dead. They completely gave up on making this look like a shark. It's now just a giant rubber blob, slowly bouncing up and down in the ocean. Absolutely insulting. Michael is frantically trying to get the flashlight device working. Ellen is steering the ship, Hogi's being Hogi and the shark can be seen in the distance roaring its heart out. As all sharks do. Hogi's starting to lose his shit and he tries to reach up for the ship wheel but Ellen's not having it. She smacks it away. She's like, stupid ass. God, Hogi, you suck. After some shock therapy, we're treated to the funniest scene in the film. Ellen has another ugly brown flashback of Brody saying, smile, you son of a bitch, even though she wasn't there. This prompts her to ram the boat into the shark's gut, which naturally makes the fish explode on impact as all sharks do. Blood and guts rain from the sky and the crew goes overboard. We get a shot of the shark, now ripped in a half, sinking to the bottom of the dark sea below. Michael resurfaces in what has to be two feet of water because he torpedo shoots upwards, like, you can't do that unless you are touching the floor or swimming super, unless he had like a jet pack underwater. He's not shooting up that high. At Bear Min, at least this movie killed off one annoying character. Bye bye, Jake. I will not be, fuck my ass. He's alive. How? How? He was underwater for well over 10 minutes. Where was he hiding? Was he hiding inside the shark's belly? And when it exploded, he's like, like a fucking cartoon character? Finally, this movie starts to wrap up as Ellen gets on Hogi's bang plane and they leave the island behind. Michael says he's going to be okay and they all live happily ever after. Jake meanwhile bled out in the hospital after several days of pain and anguish. He will not be missed. That's in my head cannon. He's fine too, I assume. Well, that's Jaws the Revenge, the final nail in a coffin of another film franchise that should have stopped at one. This movie has nothing going for it. It looks terrible, the characters are lame. It has an incredibly nonsensical and stupid plot and somehow this movie had three times the budget of the original, yet somehow looks 10 times worse. Truly remarkable stuff here. Let me know if you saw this movie years ago or just recently for the first time. Sound off in the comments below. Please like the video if you had some fun. Subscribe if you haven't as I post tons of movie roasts, movie reviews, everything movie related every single week on this channel. And if you could go even further, share this video around with friends and family. Tell them about the show. If you really like it, become a Patreon. At patreon.com slash adamdoesmovies, there's different tier levels, one of which, Mythroll and Up, lets you pick one of these bad movies off of my letterbox to count and I will do it give you a producer shout out like my buddy, my friend, my brother, Colt & Oakwiss did. Alright that's the roast stay out of the deep end friends and I'll see you next time. Let's get...