 Hello everyone, welcome to another Narc Survival Live video. I'm just in the hotel room today. And in this one, we are going to be talking about how the narcissist only pretends to move on. And as you may know, this is a topic that I've spoken about before. But I'd like to go a bit deeper into it in this one. So they act like they've just left you. They think the grass is greener on the other side. They found the next shiny new toy. A bigger better deal. Something greater than you. Or at least that's what they want you to believe. So now they've moved on. Or at least they want you to think that. They want you to think that they're not thinking about you anymore. As if they're just gone. Now they're out of the picture. They've left you behind. When in actuality, they can't just move on like that. It's not that simple. At times they may wish that it was, but it really isn't at all. And I'll explain how. You see, when they met you, they manipulated you. They strung you along. They give you lies and future faking. So they never fully attached to you. There was never an actual connection. Or even a relationship. Because a relationship is the way in which two people connect. You may have connected to them, but they did not connect to you. You may have fully attached to them, but they did not fully attach to you. And then because they don't fully attach to their targets, they do not fully detach as well. Which means that they can't just move on. And the reason why is because the relationship was not reciprocal. There wasn't an equal exchange. It's like a contract or an agreement. Even if it's unspoken or unwritten, however it may be, there was something that was understood between two parties. An agreement that was made. And you kept your end of the bargain, but they didn't keep theirs. So it was never resolved. Which means that they are still attached to it. And because of that, it causes them to develop an obsession. It's like they become addicted to you. But they can't just leave things alone. And you may not realise it, but a lot of times they are still watching you. They're talking to your family or friends behind your back. They're stalking you on social media. And I've experienced this myself many times in the past. Narcissistic exes. They didn't keep up their end of the bargain. I ended up doing all of the work and the relationship. And they could never fully detach from me. They were always thinking about me, Hoover and me, stalking me. And I used to wonder why. To think this relationship, this thing that you had with me, it was never so important before. You were very lazy. You didn't put in any of the work to keep me. And now as soon as I go, or even if the narcissist goes, now they're pulling out all the stops. Now you're extremely important to them. And yet they betray it as though you weren't good enough or you didn't do enough of them. When in actuality, the opposite is true. They didn't do enough for you and that's why they're still attached and they're very obsessed to you. Because they already know that the situation they had with you was very unfair. They know they did you wrong. They know that you deserved better treatment. And that's why it's like they need you now. Even if it's just to use you again. Because it resurfaces the shame. They're constantly thinking about it. It's occupying their minds all of the things they did to you. It resurfaces their shame. And they try to push it away or project it onto you by becoming obsessed with you. Because a lot of times this is unconscious behaviour as well. So that's really what is going on. That's why they're so obsessed with you and they can't leave you alone. Because when they had you, when they had the opportunity, they took you for granted. It wasn't reciprocal. They didn't give you the love and the respect that you deserved. Instead they just looked at you as an ATM. Or just a sex object. They never saw the real person within. So they overlooked you. They treated you less than what you actually deserved. And that is why they are still stuck on you. Because whether they know it or not, it may be unconscious. But deep down they know that. They know that it was their fault. They know that they messed up. And that's why it plays on their conscience. Because if you know you did all you could, you tried your best, you gave it your best effort, then it's very easy for you to let that go. And I know that myself and my own past relationships, I gave it my all. I gave everything I had. And it's very easy for me to forget about the people who did me wrong. They never play on my mind. But when is the other way around? When you were the one who did someone else wrong and it was unfair, yes that will continuously affect you. It may even keep you awake at night. But for narcissists it's even worse because a lot of times it's unconscious. So the shame is buried beneath them. And there's a lot of things that they experience in daily life that resurface their shame. And it's like for no reason at all they become very angry. They lash out at people. And you may have experienced this with them as a result of what they did to their exes. They may have been very abusive to you because they treated their ex unfairly. They didn't give them the treatment they deserved. The fair treatment and equal exchange. They didn't reciprocate. It was just their ex doing all of the work. So this is it. This is why they can't just move on. They can't just forget about you. And yet they betray it as though they have just moved on. They're not thinking about you anymore. They've left you behind. When in fact it's like whatever the narcissist does or says the exact opposite is true. However they treat you it's the exact opposite. Whatever they say or do to you unknowingly it's you doing that to them. And do you want to even aware of it? It's playing on their minds and then they're projecting it onto you. Which is why you may notice that at the end they may say that you are obsessed with them or you're stalking them. Even if you're just looking for closure, validation, you're looking for an answer, an explanation for their behaviour. They will still find a way to twist it on you because they are projecting and they do this a lot. They're trying to deflect their shame because yes they already know that they are wrong. They know that they are very bad people and this is why they cannot move on. And why they continue to abuse, stalk and harass you. They can't leave things alone. And yet you may think that it's because you've continued to do something wrong and maybe you weren't aware of it but in actuality they do respond to the things that they have done wrong when fairly to you because that energy has to go somewhere. It's traumatised them and they are responding to it because if you look back at the things they've done to you I'm sure some of those things are very traumatic and when they do those things to you they are absorbing the trauma from it and a lot of times it's affecting them far more than it's affecting you. And to know that you've only got to look at them and the way that they behave they're always very angry, very miserable, they're always lashing out at you, they're always making false accusations because these are all of the effects, the psychological effects and the traumas that they're experiencing as a result of what they have done to you and that is why they cannot move on because the shame is constantly resurfacing within them and that shame has to go somewhere they try to put on to you but the more they do that they're just absorbing even more trauma and it's just building it up even more within them and the older they get the more bitter and resentful they become and to a lot of them they just completely turn against the opposite sex they just say they hate all women, they hate all men, whatever it is and one might look at them and think that they've experienced some bad situations when in fact the opposite is true they were the perpetrators they did all of these bad things to people and that is why they're miserable that is why they've experienced so much trauma that is why they're so obsessed, they're stalkers that is why they hate everyone because they didn't keep up their end of the bargain in their past relationships and the crazy thing is that a lot of them don't even know it because a lot of times it is unconscious so that's really what's going on and that is also the reason why they do pretend to move on because after everything they've done to you it's like they're so bitter and resentful that they just want to show you you're nothing you never meant anything, they could do so much better without you it's the seragans, there's pride, there's audacity they're just trying to prove a point and when they do that a lot of times they prove the exact opposite they kind of show just how special you actually are because most people they're not just going to walk out and slam the door in a huff they're not going to walk out like that as though you're nothing it's just so unrealistic so that should really reveal a message to you about how great you are and a lot of these things they're doing it comes from childhood trauma mommy issues or daddy issues but a lot of people get it wrong they mistake it, they assume that they or rather you must have been this image of their mother or father and now they're taking it out on you because you treated them wrong just as they experienced childhood trauma from their parents but actually you are this exact opposite image of their narcissistic parent you're the exact opposite because they experienced abuse and neglect they were treated bad you as an empath you gave them the best treatment they ever could have had and that is where they end up hating and despising you that is why they're so envious and jealous is because they're looking at it like you're too late where were you 10, 20 years ago and unconsciously it's like where were you at my childhood in place of my parents that's exactly what they're thinking but it's unconscious so you were the exact opposite of what their narcissistic parent was enchanted and how they treated them because they experienced abuse and neglect they were treated bad but remember you treated them good you gave them the best treatment they could have ever wished for you went above and beyond for them but it was never good enough and it never could be good enough because they're already damaged they've already experienced the trauma they've already got mummy or daddy issues so now you come along and it's just nothing that you can do to fix it because the damage is already done and in fact the better you are the more they just hate you because you're this exact opposite image of what they had in childhood and they were waiting for that for such a long time and it never came so now they want to reverse the roles they want to be on the other end of it and they want to show you no I don't need you I never needed you I can do it on my own or I can find better than you I can find someone way better who will give me far better treatment and yet they show no gratitude or appreciation for you despite everything that you have done they will never be satisfied and never be happy because it's just far too late for them the damage was already done a long time ago and that's why they never show any appreciation for you because of their childhood trauma and that's how they're able to go out and just slam the door like you meant nothing they could just walk away and so they're trying to show you they're trying to prove a point to you that you're nothing and they can find someone way better and everything you did for them you could have been with them for years and you did everything you cooked, you cleaned you bought them everything, you gave them a home but did they ever say thank you they were so arrogant it's like they felt they're just entitled to it and as though they don't owe you anything you owe them a living because you're unknowingly taken on from their narcissistic parents and they never treated them right they never did anything for them and you come along you're like this mother figure or father figure this exact opposite image of everything their narcissistic parent was to them and now they expect the world from you they expect you to give them everything everything they never had and more these are just the effects of childhood trauma and now it's like you can never do enough there's nothing that you can do to fix them because these mummy or daddy issues are still there and they're always going to be there because they never accept where they are in life it's all about blaming someone else they never go with them, they never self reflect they never even think to parent themselves they never think to do any of that but this is just how it goes and this is why it is very important for us as well to heal our childhood traumas we have to go with them, we have to process these emotions I've been through it myself many years ago it's like I was just hoping that someone would come along and save me give me the love that I needed rather but then at some point I realised that I needed to give that love to myself and then that changed everything for me I started to experience real self love and I didn't need any external validation it's something we should all do at its end paths it's a lot easier for us to do it because we can self reflect, we can take accountability so yeah just to finish this with a healing message I'm just going to go now insert my bed, do some work I've got some good videos coming up over the next few days so if you enjoyed this video please do give it a thumbs up down below we've got 133 live viewers but only 21 thumbs ups so please do that down below show some support to the community and let me know your thoughts in the comments section as well I read your comments every day share the video, subscribe if you'd like to book a one on one with me you can do that on my website which is NarcSurvivor.co.uk and check out my Instagram as well it's NarcSurvivor YouTube and Instagram I have new pictures and videos of my travels every day on there other than that that's it for this video but as always I will talk to you in another one very soon