 Act 1 of The Rocket, by Arthur Wing Pinero This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. The Rocket. Characters Lord Letton-Haw Read by Adrien Stephens The Chevalier Walk-In Shore Read by Rob Marland John Mabel Read by Todd Jocelyn Hammersmith Read by Thomas Peter Clemall Waiter at the Bellevue Read by Alan Mapstone Bingle Lady Hammersmith's Servant Read by Adam Bielka Chatwood Waiter at the Lord Gordon Read by Son of the Exiles Lady Hammersmith Read by T.J. Burns Rosaline Fabriquette Read by Sonia Florence Read by Jan Broder Jargette Read by Avayee Stage Directions Read by Michael Maggs The Rocket Act 1 Rising Garden of the Bellevue Hotel Dinosaur Muse Act 2 Midair At Lady Hammersmith's Importment Square Act 3 Coming Down Like a Stick The Lord Gordon Dover A month elapses between Acts 1 and 2 The action of Acts 2 and 3 Occurs on the same day The Rocket Act 1 Rising Scene Gardens of the Hotel Bellevue Dinosaur Muse Grasscloth On the Right Tree Wings On the Left Hotel Front With Door Leading Into Hotel Upstage Open Iron Railings Running From Right to Left With Gate In Centre Roadway Beyond On Cloth at Back View of Muse River Crossed by Bridge Right Centre Upstage Large Chair Downstage Table and Two Chairs Left Centre Upstage Table with Cloth and Breakfast Set Shrubs in Tubbs, etc. To Fill Spaces Music at Rise of Curtain Clemore, a waiter, is discovered Wiping Table Left Centre Upstage Lord Ledenhall Strolls on from Left Upstage Entrance Ledenhall is a fair youth of the Masha type Forpish and affected Ledenhall To Clemore I say, waiter, castle Are we, Monsieur? Oh, I say, look here full Palaeon glaze, don't you? You speak English, eh? Yes, sir Bien, that's all right Sitting right, lazily What's going on this deadly, lively little place? Big pardon, Monsieur? What's going on here? Isn't there any fun? How do people contrive to amuse themselves at dinnernt? Oh, they go to see all the pretty places Grotte Ardaine Château d'Ardaine Montagne Pauvache Crève Côte-Ivoire Ballon du Boch Les Caverns-Werner Chaleur Elle est beau de la laisse Le Fonds de Lève Jardin de Montefar Wait, wait, wait I'm a little mixed Now go ahead Zenzer is de Roche à Père Saint-Hubert Oh, thank you I won't trouble you further Clemore going Isn't there any enjoyment to be got at hand? Something without much exertion, don't you know? The Grande Citadelle Up there Pointing off left How many steps shall I have to mount to get up there? Eight-hundred, sir Leidenhall, rising Here I say you can go Clemore crosses to hotel as Jocelyn Hammersmith strolls on at back from right and looks in at the gates Jocelyn Hammersmith is a good looking fellow of about twenty-one I shall get back to town Clemore turning Oh, pardon, monsieur Do you play z'billiard? I should rather think I do play z'billiard but I can't play billiard all by myself If you will permit me, sir I shall have the liberties this afternoon Get out Perhaps you would prefer to play with Sir Chevalier walking shore No, thank you Sir Chevalier has played with me I haven't any more twenty-pound notes to be swindled out of Clemore goes out at hotel entrance Jocelyn, who has entered stops up at back left centre Jocelyn, aside Here is a chance to get to the hotel To Leidenhall I beg your pardon Will you play a hundred up with me? Leidenhall turns fixing his eyeglass and rises I shall be very pleased if you can spare me half an hour Hello W-w-w-what's the matter? It's Lord Leidenhall Don't you remember me? Oh, yes, perfectly They shake hands W-w-what's your name? Hammersmith Jocelyn Hammersmith You recollect our meeting last autumn Oh, yes, I should rather think I did They shake hands again W-w-w-where was it? At Biritz Oh, yes, of course it was I met you and Lady Hammersmith at the casino How's your wife? My mother, not my wife Yes, yes, I mean your mother, your father's wife They stroll downstage My father is dead Yes, of course he is now, but he wasn't always Shaking hands again Well, I'm delighted to see you again Certain I should Set myself only this morning Someday or another, I know I shall fall across that fellow Kensington No, no, not Kensington, Hammersmith Ah, yes, yes, I mean Hammersmith They're very close together Where are you staying? Brings out case Jocelyn, pointing off right There, the Ted Door, best hotel in Dinong Where are you? Here, the Bellevue, best hotel anywhere When did you arrive? Last Tuesday morning, and you? Last Tuesday night Simultaneously, they produce cigar cases Have a cigar? Take a weed They exchange cigars and light up and go behind tables What are you doing abroad? Well, I'm so to speak to put it plainly I'm looking for a wife Dear me, has she run away from you? No, no, I'm not married I'm going to settle down half-rug and slippers and all that sort of thing I understand, looking for a sweetheart, you mean Yes, I can't let things remain as they are at present Do you know what people are calling me and fellows like me in London just now? No You'd never guess, John is Pauses, sighs and sits with elbow on table Isn't that beastly? Are they hitting us off in punch and all comic papers? The consequences that boys and common persons are very nasty to us in the streets Isn't that beastly? The young Charlie Backshot, who is one of my set, was so worried And cut up that he wrote his mother And threatened to blow his brains out on a postcard Turns to Jocelyn in chair Dear me, would that hold them? No, no, I mean he wrote on a postcard And then his mother, old Lady Backshot, sent him seventy pounds So he promised to live on, don't you know? But that isn't so shocking as the case of Augustus Fremantle, who's had eaten with me What's he done? He's gone on the stage And they forced him to play a masher in a nasty opera-boofy Beastly, isn't it? So a lot of us have made up our minds to marry and retire from public life As I couldn't find any suitable party in London What? Not in old London? Well, I did ask two or three, but they declined, I suppose, because of seeing the objectionable pictures in punch, which is a paper that oughtn't to be allowed in a respectable household So I came abroad to look about me, but I can't stand the beastly exertion Now, what do you think? Rising What? Lettenhall, coming over to Jocelyn They actually take punch at this hotel, now isn't that beastly? Come along, old Chappy, we'll have our game Lettenhall is going into hotel when Jocelyn stops him One moment, Lettenhall, you won't mind my putting a question to you, will you? Steps back to right centre Lettenhall returns to him My dear Chappy There's a Mr Walkinshaw, Chevalier Walkinshaw, he calls himself, staying in this hotel Yes Do you see anything of him? I've seen everything of him, except his money Two or three steps to left Do you know anything? Lettenhall looks vacantly at hotel, then in front During this, Jocelyn's foot on chair I know that the proprietor of this hotel sends in the Chevalier's bill for the Chevalier's eggs and bacon every morning I know that the Chevalier borrowed twenty pounds of me the first day I came, on the strength of knowing my uncle I expect I know his uncle, I've a certain sense that he's an old hand on the continent They call him The Rocket The Rocket? Why? Turns to him Lettenhall returns, looking into her hotel Well, he's got a pretty daughter, don't you know? Jocelyn, turning away Yes, I know A very pretty daughter? Yes, you said that Her name's Florence Jocelyn, to himself Yes, her name's Florence And he drags her about from place to place, dresses her up smartly to make a good figure at the table, de-hote, then leads her to the piano where she sings, as well as any of the girls at the agility theatre When the game's up at one place, he moves on to another What game? Up to him The game of looking for a rich husband Turns to him Jocelyn, indignantly Oh, what a shame Yes, isn't it beastly, that's why they call him The Rocket? When his girl marries Coyne, he'll go up in the world There's nobody here just now, so they're going on to spar in a day or two Looking at Jocelyn, who is shading his eyes with his hands What's the matter, old chappy? Oh, nothing, the sun's in my eyes, that's all Takes corner, right, and turns, and goes to him One word more, from what you have seen of the Chevalierna's daughter, do you think this girl is old man's confederate or his victim? I think she's deadly unhappy, never smiled the other night when I told her an amusing story at the dinner table about Hodgkin's son of the Blues and his new horse, a most amusing story, confederate or victim, oh, I should say the latter can't help herself Jocelyn, taking Lettenhall by the hand, warmly Thank you, thank you Why, Hammersmith, I believe you're hit Aside I shall get my twenty pounds No, no, I only pity the girl Oh, I beg pardon Aside I shan't get my twenty pounds John Mabel enters hurriedly, appearing at back from right He is a white-haired man, about fifty-five, with a bronzed face and gentle manner Mabel, outside gate Is that you, Hammersmith? Jocelyn, turning Yes Then I found you at last Jocelyn, introducing Lettenhall This is Lord Lettenhall, Mr. Mabel How are you? Beastly hot, isn't it? Mr. Mabel and I made each other's acquaintance on the boat coming from Namur about a week ago. We're both staying at the tit door I'll stroll on the bridge for five minutes. I'll be back for the billiards. I'll make it Paul if your friend will join us Thanks Lettenhall goes off through gates, off left You've left our hotel so very early the last two or three mornings that I've seen little or nothing of you, Mr. Hammersmith I didn't know you had a friend here Jocelyn, embarrassed Lettenhall, oh, yes So you are not likely to hurry away from Denant? No, I've been thinking I ought to have In that case, then we part company, because I start for England tonight Has anything happened? Thank heaven, yes Jocelyn goes upstage and crosses to Clemore when he enters Garçon Enter Clemore from hotel Ah, oui, monsieur Une bouteille de vent rouge Ah, oui, monsieur Clemore re-enters hotel I am disappointed at losing your companionship Is your mind made up? Yes, I can't return yet, but we shall meet in London nevertheless How and when, my dear Hammersmith Jocelyn takes out a card and writes on it Easily settled. Would you call on my mother when you are in town and report me all well? She'll welcome you for my sake, and you'll always know where to find me Gives card Mabel reading Lady Hammersmith, Portman Square My father was an alderman of the City of London, and Sheriff, the year somebody did something or other somewhere in the city He wasn't spared to be Lord Mayor, poor old dad That's my only consolation Mabel, pocketing card I'll not fail to present this Thank you, Hammersmith Offering his hand Jocelyn, taking it My Christian name is Jocelyn, Mr. Mabel I take the hint Clemore re-enters with wine and glasses, and places them on table, left centre, down stage Jocelyn, placing money on salver Thank you Merci, Monsieur Clemore goes out Jocelyn comes down to chair left of table You'll take some wine Mabel, coming right of table Thank you Jocelyn pours out wine and hands glass to Mabel Mr. Mabel, you confided to me when we first met that you were in search of someone very dear to you, someone you had lost Today you say you have received news Let me drink Godspeed and good fortune to you They put their glasses together Thank you When I told you I was looking for someone dear to me I did not tell you whether that someone was a man or a woman, a boy or a girl No I like you, Jocelyn, and I'll let you into my secret Holding up his glass Drink to my discovering Florence Jocelyn, starting Florence What's the matter? Nothing, only I know Florence So do I, a dozen But not my Florence Drink, my Florence Jocelyn, aside, drinking and looking towards hotel My Florence Jocelyn puts down glass and sits, thinking Everything spells Florence Mabel goes from table to centre I have let you so far into my secret that I'm inclined to tell you the rest Puts foot on chair I shall respect your confidence, Mr. Mabel This Florence I'm in search of is my own flesh and blood My daughter Your daughter? Why, Harold? How did I lose her? I'll tell you During the recital he paces up and down occasionally pausing by Jocelyn My young wife died seventeen years ago when our only child was about three months old At that time things had gone wrong with me I was a poor man, almost a beggar But surely after my wife's death a chance came to me of employment in India a hundred and fifty miles up country from Bombay There was only one obstacle to my accepting this tempting offer My little baby, who had been christened Florence Why not have taken your child with you? What, to share the dangers of a hard life in what was little better than a jungle? Fiddledy-deed, no For the child's sake as well as my own I determined to place it under the care of my only relative my brother Joshua I left the child in Joshua's keeping with as much money as I could scrape together and quit at England Fortune favoured me in India From time to time I sent remittances to my brother Joshua who reported that my child was flourishing But after about ten years his letters suddenly ceased He had died, poor fellow, I suppose Heaven above only knows As soon as I could get leave from my employers I hurried back to England but no trace could I find of my brother or my child Three months I wasted in a fruitless search when there came a letter from India warning me that my post would be filled up unless I returned immediately There was no help for it So I placed a matter in the hands of a detective and quit at England once more And what did the detective discover? Nothing Detectives never do Meanwhile fortune still favoured me in India I became a partner in my firm and made money As soon as possible I sold my share in the business and here I am I am not yet an old man I have health and strength I am rich and childless Sits right of table There is the sound of an air played softly upon the piano from hotel left Jocelyn rises and goes up left looking into hotel Florence playing How pretty she looks this morning After a pause he comes down right centre You are still searching for your missing brother and child, Mr Mabel Mabel takes his arm That is now the one object of my life I have scoured London, Paris, Brussels whenever I hear of one bearing my name to that spot I bend my steps And what takes you to London now? Mabel rises The news that at a boarding school in the suburbs there is a Florence Mabel a girl of the age of my child I cling to the slenderest read Very likely this journey will end as all my other journeys have ended in bitter disappointment Still I wander on never resting till I find her Business of pocketbook and pipe The piano ceases Jocelyn puts his hand onto Mabel's shoulder I hope from the bottom of my heart Mr Mabel you will be successful Sir, I know I shall be If my child is on earth one day I will meet her If she is in heaven some day she will come to meet me Florence runs on out of hotel and pauses upstage right centre She is very pretty, dressed lightly Florence in an undertone to Jocelyn Jocelyn Jocelyn turns up sharply and unperceived by Mabel seizes her hand My dear Florence The waiter told me you were here In another moment I should have come on the bridge to look for you Seeing Mabel Who is that? A friend of mine such a good old fellow Coming down centre Mr Mabel, let me introduce you to Miss Walkinshaw who was staying in the Soto with her father Florence comes down right Mabel bows Miss Walkinshaw's name is Florence Mabel, crossing to Florence Every Florence is dear to me, Miss Walkinshaw It is my daughter's name Mabel crosses to Jocelyn laying his hand kindly on Jocelyn's shoulder Ah, my boy There's another friend in Donaut you haven't told me about Jocelyn hangs his head No wonder you leave our hotel so very early in the morning I am sure you can spare me so I'll get my baggage down to the station at once Liddenhall strolls on through gate and over to left centre Oh, I say, what about that pool, Hammersmith? Jocelyn, going to him I shall have to ask you to let me off, Liddenhall Oh, that is beastly of you, old chappy They talk together, upstage, left centre Mabel crosses to Florence Goodbye, Miss Walkinshaw May I say Florence? It is a very sweet name to me Florence, holding out her hand Yes, oh yes Mabel, taking her hand Goodbye, Florence No, not goodbye I think it very likely that we shall meet in London Why? Mabel, smiling and looking round at Jocelyn Because I am going to be an occasional visitor at the house of Lady Hammersmith Florence, taking away her hand Oh, Mr. Mabel Mabel goes up centre Jocelyn, turning and going to Mabel and calling to him Lord Liddenhall would like to be your travelling companion back to London, Mr. Mabel I shall be delighted, we shall meet at dinner, Jocelyn Oh, certainly Mabel goes through gates and off right I'll send my potmanteau down to the station at once Taking Jocelyn's arm Do come and play the game of a hundred up No, no, I can't Releasing himself Fifty then, only fifty, you've nothing to do, old chappy Florence comes out from tree Catch his sight of Florence Oh, beg pardon, I didn't see Miss Walkinshaw, how rude she must think me I'm so awfully short-sighted, isn't it, beastly He goes off rapidly into hotel Jocelyn crosses to Florence Lord Liddenhall says you are going away from dinner Yes, to-morrow to Spa Will the gnaw be rather dull to you when we are gone? I don't know I shan't be here to find out You are going home to your mother, I suppose No, I am journeying to Spa too Getting slowly to her chair I'm so glad, I mean, why are you going to Spa? Jocelyn, taking her hand Because I can't, I won't be far away from you Walkinshaw is heard calling from the hotel Florence, Florence, Flo, Flo Florence crosses to hotel There's Papa All right, Papa To Jocelyn Tell me quickly, why won't you let me out of your sight? Because I can see nothing but you when you're away, I'm quite blind But you've known me only a few days It takes only a few seconds to fall in love But Jocelyn, are you quite sure you are in love with Papa too? Jocelyn, embarrassed That's rather a difficult question to answer You see, dear, I'm sure Papa will never consent to my marrying Anybody he could not love has his own child And who would not be devoted to him in return He has said so a hundred times I hope I should never fail in proper respect to him But at present I know so little of your father Ah, Jocelyn, you had better let us go to Spa alone Papa's a little peculiar, but my first duty is to him And I have promised to make his comfort my constant thought Sits in chair, right off left table Walk in shore, from within Florence, flow, flow, flow Jocelyn leaves Florence and looks in at hotel window Jocelyn to himself There he is at breakfast How utterly selfish and unfeeling he looks Returning to Florence Florence, if I tell you that I will always love you very dearly That I will be faithful and tender to you And that I will help you to keep your promise to your father Will you marry me? Florence rises and crosses to right Jocelyn follows her Yes, a hundred times yes Do you think Papa will consent? Jocelyn, aside Papa To Florence Leave that to me dear Looking into her face Of what are you thinking? Florence, looking up to him I'm thinking I've had such a hard bit of time ever since I can remember That I wonder there is anything left in my nature with your loving Putting her arms around him Thank you for believing in me dear As they are embracing the chivalier comes out of the hotel He is a shriveled up yellow gentleman With a grand air and half foreign appearance Died moustache, curled up, and whiskers etc His garments are seedy He wears a soiled jacket and hat Florence The lovers separate Florence, I'm shocked Mr. Hammersmith, I'll speak to you presently Florence, come here Florence advances and Jocelyn crosses right Sets left centre The word disgust doesn't sufficiently express my sentiments I have lived to see my child kissing a young man in broad daylight It is quite time you beddied me Florence, laying her hand on his sleeve Oh, Papa, don't When you know Don't touch me, don't touch me Wiping her touch from his sleeve with an old silk handkerchief Discovering a hole in the sleeve By the by, there is a hole in the sleeve of my coat Gift of the celebrated Boulanger See that you repair it before you retire to rest My own flesh and blood kissing other flesh and blood in broad daylight Ah Covering his face with handkerchief Jocelyn, explain to Papa A praise said, don't distress yourself Let me tell you All control, raising his head It would have been bad enough, sir, in the dark, behind the door But under the broad heavens Oh heavens Florence, leave us Go, go, go Read some good book Or see if some of my gloves want stitching Yes, Papa You see, sir, what an obedient, domesticated girl you have wronged Jocelyn, aside to Florence Don't go far away, Florence, dear I can explain everything in five minutes Florence goes to hotel entrance Jocelyn and she kiss their hands to each other Walk inshore, hearing the sound, looks up What, again? Discovering his mistake Oh Florence goes into hotel Now, sir Now, sir Mr. Hammer Smith Unfortunately, the days of dueling are extinct All you would suffer for the blow you have dealt a man old enough to be Your elder brother You have snatched at the brightest jewel in a doting father's crown Hammersmith takes a cigar case You have I'll trouble you for a cigar, Mr. Hammer Smith Your last, pardon me One moment, if you please He takes a cigar from Hammersmith's case and lights it Jocelyn, aside How is it possible for such a man to be the father of such a daughter? My reproof, young man, will not be so confoundedly mild as this weed Not to waste time in idle provocation In other words, not to curdle the cream of this lovely morning What the devil do you mean? Simply this, Mr. Walkinshaw Chevalier, if you please, young man I was not aware that my distinguished services to the late empire of France had been so forgotten I haven't forgotten them I beg your pardon, I have not heard Not heard? Not heard? I blushed to have even alluded to my exploits It would ill become me to recount them All the trumpet of my fame is at the world's mouth I say to the world, blow it Proceed, sir Chevalier, I will conceal nothing from you I admire your daughter Sir, the world admires my daughter But I have not yet discovered the world in the act of kissing my daughter under the broad heavens Jocelyn stands with hands on chair If I had, I should have felt inclined to have slapped the world's face The world hasn't asked your daughter's hand in marriage and been happy enough to win her consent Chevalier, I love Florence Walk in shore rises and goes to Jocelyn You love my child You have the courage to look me in the face and tell me you love my flesh and blood I love your daughter That is a nice way of putting it Yes, sir Who are you, sir? What is your family? Did they come over with the conqueror? Did they fight at Hastings? An uncle of mine once fought at Brighton at an Easter Monday review That is the only military achievement in our history My father is dead He was an alderman of the city of London and a tea dealer A tea dealer? Oh, shame, shame Sinks into chair Don't spare me, don't spare me Proceed, what did he die worth? The £40,000 £40,000 Yes, sir £40,000 Young man cannot buy pure blood and long descent Did you sell the business? My mother did Port, is the old woman alive? Sir I say, sir, is your poor, dear mother still living? Yes, I am happy to say Do your duty to her, sir And you will die happy What did it fetch? What did what fetch? It, the tea business £3,500 £43,500 Oh, money, money You fall in strange places Thank heaven, I never bid for thee with offerings of fragrant sushong or simple koo-gong Would your mother consent to the marriage? My mother would do anything to promote my happiness Be kind to her, sir Obey her lightest wish, the glance of her eye The whisper of her voice Remember, a man can never have more than one mother And she oughtn't to live in the house after he's married Go, sir, fetch my child Do I understand, then, so that you consent? The daughter of the Chevalier-Walkinshaw And the son of a tea-dealer The arms of the Walkinshaws crossed with a pair of scales and a pigtail Chinaman Motto, given away with a pound of tea Go, sir, fetch my child My heart is broken Chevalier, I'm the happiest man in the world Jocelyn goes quickly into the hotel Walkinshaw, looking after him If you're not, I am Mr. Hammersmith at last The very son-in-law I could have wished for Rising Rich and mild, like a good Stilton, at last I am in clover I shall ride in his carriage, smoke his cigars, drink his wine My daughter married My daughter I always knew I should make money out of her I mean, I knew I should be rewarded for my tender loving care And now I am going up in the world Up like a rocket above the clouds Above the stars He cuts capers in ecstasy as Lord Leddenhall comes out of the hotel Leddenhall, pausing centre Hello, what's the matter with the Chevalier? Walkinshaw pulls himself together in confusion Ah, my dear Lord Leddenhall You see me in spirits Leddenhall aside Rather earlier in the day than usual Yes, I am exultant Triumphant I have conquered man's greatest enemy Himself Yes, sir, I have made a great, almost noble sacrifice I have stifled my parental yearnings And consented to the marriage of my daughter to Mr Joslyn Hammersmith Congratulate you Aside Poor Hammersmith, what a father-in-law To Walkinshaw By the way, I'm going away this evening You couldn't let me have that twenty pounds before I start, could you? Twenty pounds? What? Haven't you had it? No Now you're really joking You have not had that twenty pounds No I instructed the landlord to pay you yesterday and charge me in the bill It must have slipped his memory People are so forgetful about money matters It shall be said, right Lord Leddenhall, immediately Clemore and Joliet, a buxom waiting woman Come out of the hotel carrying Leddenhall's luggage Clemore with hat, box and rugs Joliet with a portmanteau To the railway station, Milord? Yes Seeing Joliet But can't you get a man to help you? Pardon, Milord, all the men are to the Dégénée Oh, could found it I can't let a woman carry my boxes, what a beastly shame Takes box from Joliet Allow me No, no, Milord Oh, but I insist Oh, merci, merci, Milord Look alive, waiter Leddenhall follows Clemore through gates off left Joliet goes to table left centre Walking shore surveys her admiringly Walking shore aside Nice little body that Joliet Pity, I'm in déchabil Joliet Coming to him Joliet You're the prettiest girl in Dinant, upon my word you are Joliet, cut scene I am leaving for London soon, Joliet We may never see each other any more, Joliet Joliet puts out a hand, as if for money Chevalier takes it Yes, Joliet, my only child is about to desert me I shall be alone in the world, quite alone Give me a kiss, Joliet Walking shore kisses Joliet, as Jocelyn and Florence enter from hotel Oh, papa, how can you Joliet runs round at back into hotel Walking shore pacing up and down, discomforted Don't speak to me, don't speak to me My mind is disturbed I'm not responsible for my actions Papa, I'm ashamed of you Walking shore pausing You presume to lecture your father You were kissing Joliet Less than twenty minutes ago I caught you kissing Mr. Hammersmith Are they young to absorb the delights of life? Oh, selfish, selfish He sits upstate right centre Florence sits right of table, left centre Chevalier, I have told Florence of the favourable light in which you are inclined to regard me We came to thank you, papa, but we didn't expect to find You didn't expect to find me distracted with grief At the thought of losing the flower I had reared so tenderly Oh, papa Mr. Hammersmith, I resign possession of all that makes life tolerable to me You shall accompany us to Spa tomorrow We will dip into its gayities for a few days And then move on by easy stages to London Where you shall present me to your honoured mother In short, Mr. Hammersmith, I consent to your marriage with my child on one condition What is that, sir? It is this, sir, that in wedding my daughter You accept as a solemn charge the welfare of my declining years Yes, sir, it will be your proud privilege to love me To honour me, to comfort and keep me in sickness and health Rises On my part, you may rely on my advice, guidance, and counsel in all things Taking Jocelyn's hand I will stick to you, Jocelyn, through thick and thin If I have any preference it is for the thick, but I will stick to you, Jocelyn I am very much obliged, you Chevalier You are quite welcome, Jocelyn Jocelyn, looking at Florence I could wish Florence a better husband, but I couldn't wish myself a better wife Walking sure, inquiringly And your father-in-law? Men should never pay compliments to men, Chevalier Clemol enters through gates and goes to clear table left centre Walking sure, embracing Florence At length I am rewarded for my devotion to my child Oh, papa, I'm so happy It is early in the day, but we will drink champagne to our good fortune One sip, just one little sip Clemol? Yes, Chevalier? Mr. Hammersmith orders a magnum of pomade immediately Yes, Chevalier Clemol goes out Jocelyn crosses to Florence right centre As Leadenhall enters at back from left Through gates and comes down left centre Walking sure, slapping him on the back Ah, my dear lord Leadenhall You are just in time to drink to my dear girl's happiness Very pleased I'm sure Miss Walking sure, Hammersmith, warmest congratulations Thanks, Leadenhall Thank you, Lord Leadenhall By the by, has the landlord paid you that twenty pounds? No I'm very angry with him Music Jocelyn? Yes I've mislaid my pocketbook Shows pocketbook to audience You haven't such a thing as five hundred francs about you Jocelyn, taking out pocketbook Would English notes do? Perfectly, dear boy, perfectly A twenty or two tens It's immaterial in what way good is done Two tens Walking sure takes notes Remind me of this if it should slip my memory There you are, my dear Lord Leadenville Two tens are twenty Gifts notes God bless you, my boy, God bless you When in town, lock me up Turning to Jocelyn By the way, Jocelyn, where does your dear mother reside? My mother? 90 Portman Square, why? Walking sure, to Leadenhall Number 90 Portman Square is my address for the future Come often, delighted to see you always Shaking Leadenhall warmly by the hand Clement and Georgette enter with champagne and glasses as the curtain falls End of Act One Act Two of The Rocket by Arthur Wing Pinero This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Act Two Midair Scene Room in Lady Hammersmith's house, Portman Square Upstage centre a back Window looking out into square Upstage left door, passage backing Upstage right, opening, showing conservatory with plants, flowers, etc. Downstage right, door, passage backing Downstage left, fireplace with lighted fire Left centre, a sofa, right centre, an ottoman Upstage centre, a writing table and chair, waste paper basket, etc. Other articles of furniture to fill spaces Pictures, flowers, ornaments, etc, etc. Everything rich and tasteful Music at Rise of Curtain Jocelyn is discovered sitting at back, smoking cigar and looking moodily into fire Bingle, a servant, comes out of the conservatory and crosses to door left Bingle Yes, Mr. Jocelyn Where is my mother? Do you know? In the library, Mr. Jocelyn Say I'm here, will you? Yes, Mr. Jocelyn Bingle turns and goes out door right Jocelyn to himself Confound it. I wish I could find courage to put my foot down once and for all. But for Florence's sake I would too. I always knew that my papa-in-law, that is to be, would make life pretty hard for me, but to think that my dear old mother can make such a simpleton of herself. Poor mother. It is my fault for bringing the old vagabond into the house. Lady Hammersmith enters right. Lady Hammersmith is a woman of about 50, dressed in a juvenile fashion, showy, made up, dyed hair, etc. Lady Hammersmith, with a simper Do you want me, my child? Jocelyn, rising Yes, mother, if you can spare me five minutes Good, gracious. The child is smoking. You naughty boy Jocelyn, throwing cigar away I beg pardon. I forgot where I was. Sit here, mother She crosses and sits languidly on sofa To remind you that I am not quite a child is one of my objects and asking you to see me Ah, I know. I suppose you will be a man very soon. I was married so young I am already old enough to be going to be married myself, mother Turns, crosses to right and sits on Ottoman And I am old enough to presume to offer you very serious advice Your advice? A bit of a boy's advice A bit of a boy's advice on a subject of importance to both of us Looking at his watch If you let me, I'll get it over now. Florence will be here soon. It's near her time Florence? Bashfully And the Chevalier? He is to return to town today Aside Juice take him So he tells me in his letter He has been staying at the house of a friend of his Enjoying some early shooting He has been staying at the house of a friend of mine The Chevalier has an unpleasant habit of inviting himself to my friend's houses He is so popular So charming Such an air Such a voice He is perfect Jocelyn rises and advances center Yes, mother, he may be A combination of every quality that is noble and attractive But he must not be allowed to make you ridiculous in the eyes of your friends and the world By encouraging you and the belief that it is the duty of a woman of fifty to take a second husband Lady Hammersmith Rising Jocelyn Fifty Fifty, mother, you know you're fifty if you're a day Jocelyn, if I die tomorrow and you put fifty on my tombstone, I'll be a ghost Depend upon it, mother, I shall tell the truth upon your tombstone as I do now Though I hope it may be many years before my veracity is put to the test Lady Hammersmith crosses to Ottoman and sits hysterically Jocelyn crosses to her Besides, mother, dear, what if you are fifty? Oh Oh, sixty, mother Oh A woman is like port wine, the older she grows the more Um, what's the word not crusty? Jocelyn I beg pardon, mother, the more precious that's it, the more precious she becomes And more honoured to a woman if she keeps a young heart in her old age But to encourage the attentions of such a man is that walking shore Goes to fireplace Lady Hammersmith, Rising Such a man, what have you to say against the Chevalier? You discovered him, you brought him here to me, to my house You allowed him and his daughter to be my guests for a fortnight And afterwards placed them in lodgings within a half a mile of this house Be careful, Jocelyn You are dependent on me for every penny you spend Now and in the future And as true as I'm your mother If the Chevalier isn't the high-minded gentleman I take him to be You shan't marry his daughter Now, what have you to say against the Chevalier? Rises and goes up to desk Jocelyn follows her Jocelyn aside He is a devil of a mess, I can't tell her what I think of him To Lady Hammersmith My dear mother, don't excite yourself unnecessarily And I see such a man as the Chevalier, I mean such a frivolous old gentleman He's not frivolous, he has addressed the most beautiful poetry to me Of his own composition Poetry, if you're so unwise to marry again, surely some sedate well balanced Some man old enough to be my father May and December, look at my friend Rosaline Fabriquette Thanks, I'd rather not A giddy French woman A light-hearted young widow My case exactly Three weeks ago Rosaline happened to call upon me when Lord Leddenhall, a perfect infant, was here Leddenhall fell head over heels in love with her, and this morning I have had a letter from her To say she's going to bring him here for my congratulations They're positively engaged to be married Jocelyn rising Good gracious, Leddenhall must be mad, when are they to call? Bingo enters door left Lord Leddenhall and Madame Fabriquette Lady Hammersmith rising There's your answer Jocelyn goes upstage Lady Hammersmith advances to meet Rosaline and Leddenhall Rosaline is a fashionably dressed French woman of about 35, speaking with a slight French accent Leddenhall is helplessly carrying a little white dog, parasol, and two or three small parcels Rosaline, kissing Lady Hammersmith on both cheeks Oh my dear Matilda How good of you to call How do you do, Lord Leddenhall? Shaking hands Thanks, I'm beastly fit Crossing to Jocelyn, right centre Ah, Hammersmith Jocelyn bows to Rosaline and shakes hands with Leddenhall Glad to see you, Leddenhall Do sit down, Rosaline, my child and I were just talking about you Rosaline sits left centre and Lady Hammersmith beside her, right Jocelyn was so pleased to hear the news He says he considers Lord Leddenhall the most fortunate of men Jocelyn is always so delightful To Leddenhall Adolfus What's the matter, Rosy? You are squeezing the little dog Upon my word I'm not Rosy Lady Hammersmith to Rosaline I'm dying to hear all about it Lady Hammersmith and Rosaline talk in whispers Leddenhall to Jocelyn I say, Hammersmith, are you fond of dogs? Very I'm not, this one bit my leg last week as a beastly I always care it to please Rosaline, but he's a beastly beast They sit on Ottoman right So you found the woman at last, Leddenhall Yes, old Chappy, the very woman, strangely enough, met her first in this house When I was calling upon your mother, look at her, ain't I lucky? Awful flair of hidden family, of course My father would have it, I'd better hang myself My mother, who was present, said yes, or her It wasn't a beastly They stroll up stage Rosaline, to Lady Hammersmith Ah, yes, Adolfus is a very good fellow, and so fond of the little dog Of course I shall be present at the ceremony You look divine in pearl grey And my dear Rosaline, what do you think? You'll never guess Tell me, my dear Lady Hammersmith, simpering and looking dine Oh, I don't like to Come, come, we are old friends Well, what do you say when I tell you There is some probability of my very soon following your example Marrying again Hush, it's a disagreeable subject with Rosaline Bashfully Yes, marrying again Oh, my charming Matilda The two ladies kiss again effusively Lady Hammersmith, to Rosaline Rosaline, wouldn't Lord Leddenhall like a cigarette in the billiard room? Rosaline, rising Yes, that he would Come along then, Hall Rosaline rises and crosses Adolfus, take care of the little dog Wouldn't hurt him for the world, Rosie, upon my soul Rosaline goes out, is followed by Leddenhall, right door A squeal is heard, Rosaline rises in dismay Leddenhall puts his head in door It's all right, tail caught in doorway, shan't occur again He disappears Rosaline, to Lady Hammersmith Oh, he's spoiling the tale Forgive me, dear, but I am so anxious about my pet Sets on Ottoman, right Lady Hammersmith rises and crosses to her And so am I about mine He's been away for the last two or three days shooting And who is the happy old gentleman? Old gentleman? Old gentleman? The suitor for my hand is the Chevalier Walkenshaw The Chevalier is mellow, nothing more The Papa of Joslin's fiancée? Yes, widower Such a dear, delightful, middle-aged man You must meet him, Rosaline Now that you're engaged to Leddenhall, there can be no danger Not that the Chevalier has eyes for any woman, but his Matilda Is he rich, dear? Lady Hammersmith on sofa, left He has estates in France, dear Though, since the fall of the empire, he has never visited them Or even danged to claim his rents He is so noble But he has money invested in English securities, he tells me And he gives me such charm in presence I long to see him, and when shall you make him happy? Lady Hammersmith, looking down As soon as I can overcome my reserve and name the day And how long is Leddenhall to wait? Until I can get conclusive evidence of my husband's death Good gracious, Rosaline You told me you smoothed your husband's dying pillow So I did But he caught up again after that and went out for a walk And never came back How many years ago is this? Five or six He was an Englishman, living abroad He treated me badly and we hated each other So after a few months' misery, he disappeared altogether I hope he is an angel, but I am not certain And there is no way of finding out I wonder you still care to bear that wretch's name I don't Fabriquette is my maiden name, and I want to forget I ever had another But more than everything, I want to find out if this husband of mine is alive and kicking Rises and crosses to left Rosaline, how can you? Well dear, he was always kicking when he was alive She crosses right Bingle enters A gentleman, my lady Who is it, Bingle? Mr. Mabel What's the matter? Rosaline's sinking on sofa Lady Hammersmith runs to Rosaline Rosaline, you are ill Rosaline faintly Matilda Yes? If I faint away, don't put any water on my face I won't, I won't my darling Soothingly I wouldn't like him myself Bingle, don't show him up here Rosaline, rising and crossing to Lady Hammersmith Rising herself Yes, do show him up here I want to see him I will see him Bingle, show Mr. Mabel up here at once Goes to door left, then centre Yes, my lady Exit Bingle Rosaline, do you know this man? That is what I want to find out Let me see him Matilda Mabel was the name of my husband Lettenhall is heard off Is this the way? Straight on, the door before you Matilda, Adolfo's Lettenhall does not suspect I may not be a free woman Suppose this man proves to be my husband What shall I do? Keep them apart, keep them apart Oh As Lady Hammersmith runs to door to lock it Lettenhall enters, followed by Rosaline I'm quite ready, Rosaline, if you want to finish your shopping Lady Hammersmith goes to Rosaline Yes, dear Keep the other man away till I can get rid of Adolfo's As Lady Hammersmith goes to door left, Bingle announces Mr. Mabel Mr. Mabel enters Rosaline, not looking at him, buries her face in her hands Bingle goes out Mabel bows and shakes hands with Lady Hammersmith There is a slight pause Mr. Mabel, I've been expecting you to call to tell me the result of your search after your missing daughter How do you do, Mr. Mabel? Here's your old travelling companion, Lord Lettenhall Mabel shakes hands with the young men as Lady Hammersmith speaks to Rosaline Look at him, quick Rosaline removes her hands from her eyes and looks round Is that the man? No, that is not the monster Sinking back, relieved Mabel, turning to Lady Hammersmith My visit to the boarding school at Highgate, Lady Hammersmith, resulted in such a heartbreaking disappointment that I've not had the courage to open my lips on the subject even to the kind of friend as yourself Did you find the child who bears your name? Oh, yes, but the Florence Mabel there proved to be no belongings of mine I never thought my name was so common till I began to search for my treasure Mr. Mabel, this is an old friend of mine, Madame Fabriquette Mabel and Rosaline bow Singularly enough, she once knew some one of your name in Paris In Paris? Rosaline grips Lady Hammersmith's arm Ah, an acquaintance merely Five or six years ago, wasn't it Rosaline? Lady Hammersmith crosses upstage to right centre Jocelyn and Leadenhall join her and stand talking Mabel comes to Rosaline Forgive me, Madame, but I am most anxious to discover the whereabouts of my brother of whom I lost all trace about the time Lady Hammersmith mentions Can you help me by recalling the Christian name of the man you once knew in Paris? It is so long ago, and I knew him so slightly As if trying to think No, I have no recollection Oh, pray try Take time Was his name Joshua Mabel? Ah, you do remember? Yes, I think, I am not certain, but I think that was his name Thank heaven, some real clue at last Will you describe his appearance to me? No, no, I forget A smooth-shaven face? Rosaline, shuddering No, a moustache curled up and whiskers His appearance might have altered since we parted seventeen years ago Will you tell me where this man lived? I do not know that, I never knew He will not find him, he is dead for certain Pray ask me nothing more She attempts to pass him, he stays her Only one question, but one Did you know, did you ever hear, of any child in whom he had an interest? A niece, my daughter, who wasn't trusted to his keeping No Did you never hear of his visiting any school in Paris, London, Brussels, anywhere? Think before you answer me No Stay, I think I do remember Do remember Him going every two or three weeks to a pension Kept by a Madame Meryon in the Rue Combon in Paris Where he said he gave lessons to the pupils in English Mabel, making notes A school in the Rue Combon? Yes, I pray you please ask me no more, I have told you all Thank you madam, thank you, you have been a true friend to me Rosaline, Lady Hammersmith Rosaline and Lady Hammersmith come down right centre I have news of my lost brother and child This good lady has described a Joshua Mabel she once knew in Paris It must be he Forgive my excitement, I must start off at once Rosaline, pray let me have a railway guide if you have one I'll fetch a Bradshaw Rosaline goes off quickly, all right Lady Hammersmith to Mabel But surely you'll lunch with us before you go Thank you, Lady Hammersmith, but I shall neither eat nor rest till I am at my journey's end Bless you for all your kindness to a solitary old man Jocelyn re-enters with Bradshaw Here's a Bradshaw Lady Hammersmith joins Rosaline and Leddenhall upstage Jocelyn joins Mabel down centre What do you want? My eyes are younger than yours Jocelyn crosses and sits on sofa The next train to Dover Jocelyn refers to Bradshaw I know the boat doesn't leave Dover till ten o'clock tonight, but I shall be calmer when I'm out of London If I feel faint I can get something to eat at the Lord Gordon Here you are Trains from Victoria Twelve forty-five Now you can't catch that Mabel referring to his watch Yes, I can just do it Shaking Jocelyn by the hand Goodbye my boy, wish me luck He goes up to the group at back Jocelyn goes left centre Throwing Bradshaw on the sofa Goodbye, Lady Hammersmith I trust I shall return a happier man Madame Fabriquette, if I do find my brother I shall owe everything to you Rosaline bows Rosaline, aside, biting her lip And I shall owe something to you Leddenhall advancing to Mabel, right centre Goodbye, Mr. Mabel I hope you'll be successful this time Must be very beastly always to be looking for something and never finding it He worried me when I was looking for a woman after my own heart I've found her now Rosaline, aside Yes, or lost her I congratulate you Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye Mabel goes towards door when Bingle enters Miss Wackenshaw Florence enters Florence, dear You met Mr. Mabel at Dinoy, I think you told me Florence, shaking hands with Mabel Oh, yes Yes, when Mr. Mabel prophesied That he should meet Florence in Portman Square Florence, gently Have you found your Florence yet? No Taking her hand But I think I'm red hot, as the children say When we next meet, I hope you will have regained your daughter Mabel, patting her hand And when I do find her, I hope she may not be very unlike you, my child Goodbye Mabel goes out, followed by Bingle Rosaline comes to Florence on her left Lady Hammersmith on Florence's right You met Lord Leadenhall at Dinoy, too Leadenhall, bowing How do you do, Miss Wackenshaw? Lady Hammersmith, pointing to Rosaline And this is Madame Fabriquette, a very dear friend of mine Rosaline bows to Florence Leadenhall joins her to Florence And tell me When do you expect the dear Chevalier? Rosaline turns away impatiently Oh, Papa travelled from Scotland last night Lady Hammersmith, languishingly Is he in London? Yes, and will follow me here almost immediately How delightful Rosaline, aside Confound him Florence and Jocelyn come down left and sit on couch Rosaline, you and Lord Leadenhall must meet my very dear friend, the Chevalier I insist on your bold lunch in here I know the Chevalier will stay to lunch He always does We shall be very pleased Delighted At what time is luncheon? Half past one Then Adolfus can drive me into Regent Street, for we have not finished all our shopping Crossing to door left Adolfus, have you all the parcels? I think so, Rosie Up to door left And Adolfus, you are not squeezing the little dog Oh, no, Rosie Half past one punctually The Chevalier can't bear waiting Very well Au revoir, good people Come along, Adolfus Yes, Rosie Rosaline goes out door left, followed by Leadenhall Poor dear Rosaline How charming she still is Though she does begin to age terribly At one time we used to be taken for sisters Crossing to door right Ah, I must tidy myself before the Chevalier comes Amuse yourselves children while I'm gone I shall be back soon She goes out door right Rosaline and Florence rise and come down and send her Thank goodness we are left alone for a few moments They kiss Another They kiss again You look awfully worried today, Rosaline It's nothing, darling Perhaps it was through being obliged to trot at my company manners When I'm longing to talk to you Puts his arm round her She breaks from him and they sit on Ottoman Flo, please me by having lunch in your hat So that we can get out the moment it's over Yes, do you know dear I'm afraid you and Papa have not got on very well together lately Oh, pray don't think that, pet I can't help it Rosaline, are you quite certain you understand Papa? Rosaline, drawing long breath Yes dear, quite certain Bingle enters, door left The Chevalier Wackenshaw Florence and Josaline rise Here is Papa Wackenshaw enters with a cough of importance He is much changed Plumper, rosier and expensively if rather extravagantly dressed Ah, my dear Rosaline, don't go Bingle, don't go Rosaline Josaline goes to him in an undertone I've no change, give Bingle a shilling for my cab there Josaline bites his lip, gives money to Bingle Bingle goes off left Ah, Florence, my child You must have walked quicker than I rode Riding is more a luxury than a necessity But in the days of the Empire I had my own carriages Is the old lady in? Pulling himself together Is Lady Hammersmith at home? Lady Hammersmith enters, door right My dear Lady Hammersmith Chevalier They meet centre Wackenshaw kisses her hand The sky has been overcast since I left London Why is it? Why is it that the sun seems to shine upon me only in Portman Square? Spouting I've travelled east, I've travelled west, I've travelled everywhere But there's one spot I love the best That spot in Portman Square Oh, in other climbs I've sought delight But darkness veils the skies For nowhere is the sun so bright as in Matilda's eyes Wackenshaw leads Lady Hammersmith to Sofa where they sit Florence, with a stamp of impatience, rises and joins Josaline Upstage by writing table A few lines composed during my journey from Scotland Aren't I to allow you to call me Matilda? Would you curb the poet's licence? Florence to Josaline I wish Papa wouldn't be so silly, even I don't like Papa's poetry Oh Josaline, how angry you look Wackenshaw produces a small jewel case containing bracelet To Lady Hammersmith My dear Lady Hammersmith, accept this to remind you of my sufferings During our separation Lady Hammersmith, opening case Ah, what a lovely bracelet Florence, Josaline, look here Florence and Josaline come down Look at the beautiful bracelet the Chevalier has given me It is indeed beautiful, Lady Hammersmith Chevalier, you are too lavish Wackenshaw, seeing Josaline at his right Josaline, my boy, a word with you He rises, takes Josaline's on and leads him to the Ottoman right Florence sits by Lady Hammersmith Josaline, during the last few days my expenses have been, shall I say, stiffish? I will Referring to memorandum on his shirt cuffs I have made a memorandum Journey and expenses to Scotland, 13 pounds Weeks bored and lodging A light week, my being away, six pounds What's this? 35 pounds, rather a large item, partly rubbed out Reading Bait for old girl Sir? A bracelet for Lady Hammersmith, 35 pounds, total 54 pounds Make it 60, my boy, and it'll put me through this week Josaline, in an undertone How long do you expect me to bear this? To bear what? This imposition Imposition? Take care, sir Imposition? I can produce vouchers for these amounts I don't deny that, but why am I to pay them? You, you don't pay them, though old Lady pays them Lady Hammersmith pays them My mother makes me a handsome allowance, it's true, but she doesn't know she is paying your bills Then so much the better for her, but what's all this fuss about? 35 pounds for a bracelet Hush, I tell you, it's cheap, it'll melt down for the money Damn it, you've got it in the family, what more do you want? I want you to understand that you don't swindle my mother any longer Swindle Buttoning up his coat Swindle, you have said enough My daughter and I leave London tomorrow Chevalier Yes, sir, if these slight pecuniary advances, which it should be your pride as well as pleasure to make, are in your opinion extorted by a swindler, I will take precious good care you don't marry the swindler's daughter Rises Stop a minute, I may have been a little hasty Yes, sir, you have I, I, wait a minute, wait a minute Goes upstage to writing table Walkenshaw, aside Me beggar, the girl's too good for him Jocelyn, upstage Mother, I want to speak to you Lady Hemsmith goes to Jocelyn, passing Walkenshaw with a smirk Walkenshaw joins Florence on sofa Jocelyn, upstage to Lady Hemsmith I've been a little extravagant lately, Mother I hardly know how the money goes Can you spare me a check today? Lady Hemsmith sitting at desk For how much, child? Well, Mother, I thought about sixty pounds Sixty pounds? Jocelyn I'll not trouble you again for a long time if I can help it Lady Hemsmith writes check and gives it to Justin Walkenshaw on sofa To Florence Now you're looking dull, Flo Flo, you're looking dull If you knew how your poor dad lived on your smiles Isn't Jocelyn kind to you? Jocelyn is too good Then you're jealous about the bracelet You shall have one next week No, Father, no You shall, I'll spoil you, that I will Pinching her cheek You shall have one with your dad's name cut in it No, no, I won't take it My puppet shall have a bracelet I'll tell Jocelyn to give you one Lady Hemsmith, upstage Florence, dear, will you help me cut some flowers for the luncheon table? Yes, dear Lady Hemsmith Florence rises and goes off with Lady Hemsmith into conservatory Jocelyn comes down to Walkenshaw, thrusting check under the nose of Walkenshaw, who is thinking Take that Walkenshaw, starting Eh? Taking check To himself Thought it struck me Looking at check Sixty, the bare sum, me beggar The girl's too good for him To Jocelyn Thank you, we are friends again, I suppose I forgive you I freely forgive you And now just one word You take my money You live upon me because you know how dearly I love your daughter Florence Very well To that I submit Cannot help myself For if I refused to maintain you, you would take Florence from me and she's all the world to me But I will not allow you to persist in your absurd attentions to my mother Walkenshaw, rising Allow me to say, sir No, at any cost I will prevent it Then let me tell you Lady Hemsmith enters from conservatory Politics again, I suppose Ha ha, you two will never agree Jocelyn, to Walkenshaw Sh No, sir, I shall not sh I decline to sh Let me tell you, young man, that it would be more to your credit, sir, if you were as tenderly and Devotedly attached to your mother as I am I, sir, adore Lady Hemsmith Lady Hemsmith Coming down centre Oh Chevalier Volcanoes may lie dormant They are not extinct The heart of the Chevalier Walkenshaw is a volcano Beware the eruption Beware the eruption Florence, unperceived, appears in conservatory Mother, one word from you will put an end to the attentions which this Gentle amaze you, I insist upon your speaking that word Really, Jocelyn, are you to settle my love affairs or am I? I forbid this folly My mother guided and protected me when I needed it Passes Lady Hemsmith to write I intend to repay her now You think you held me tightly by my love for Florence But even I, with all my love, cannot sacrifice one woman for another So if it must come to it, out you go Exit Florence You turned me out of Lady Hemsmith's house I believe, sir, Lady Hemsmith is more than one and twenty Lady Hemsmith sinks on Ottoman with a sob She's fainting Jocelyn goes above Ottoman, leaning over his mother Walkenshaw to left of Ottoman Waving Jocelyn away I claim the privilege of restoring this lady to consciousness Stand away, sir I shall not Nobody shall bite this lady's fingers but myself Take me away Take me away Come, mother Raising her Lean on me Lean on me Lady Hemsmith leans heavily on Walkenshaw He staggers Not quite so much Hold up Oh dear, I shall never hold up again Jocelyn opens door right to Walkenshaw Mr Walkenshaw, when I meet you alone I shall kick you I shall make no appointment with you, sir Whatever, no appointment Jocelyn and Walkenshaw assist Lady Hemsmith off right and go off with her Florence comes into room from conservatory Looking after them Poor poor Jocelyn Oh what have I brought upon him? How foolish of Lady Hemsmith But after all she is but a woman And like me my father's victim I have been blind but I see everything now She goes to door right and closes it I cannot sacrifice one woman for another No Jocelyn and you shall not I will tie your hands no longer And you shall be free to teach my father the lesson he deserves She crosses to sofa But where shall I go? I have no one to turn to No one She sits and listlessly takes up the railway guide Which is still lying on the sofa I seem to have been all over the world without making one friend But the man I'm running away from Turning the pages London, Brussels, Paris, Paris Would not good all the matter merely on My old school mistress in the rural Cambor help me? I was always a favourite with her She might receive me kindly, advise me, perhaps employ me as a governess If I sat here for an hour I could think of no better plan Yes, I'll go to Paris to Madame Merlion She rises with railway guide in her hand and goes up to writing table Let me see I can leave here this evening and sleep at Dover I'll telegraph for some rooms at a hotel She sits hastily and writes To the manager Lord Gordon Hotel Dover Stop She refers to timetable A boat crosses from Dover to Calais at ten o'clock tonight Why not travel to Dover at once? If I pause on my journey I may get faint-hearted and then Oh Jocelyn, I won't send the telegram She scrunches the paper in her hand and throws it down Coming down Where are the Dover trains? Turning over the leaves One advantage of my old life, even Bradshaw can't puzzle me Here they are, twelve forty-five, oh that's gone Half past two Looking at her watch One o'clock now I've time to run home, pack a few things and be at Victoria's Station at half past two I shall reach Dover at five o'clock and can rest at the Lord Gordon if I'm tired She goes to door Her right a few words of good-bye to Jocelyn and send them by a messenger Poor Jocelyn Covering her face with her hands And poor me Jocelyn, heard without Take that Someone is coming, if that should be Jocelyn She moves towards door left as Walkenshaw, much deranged, enters rapidly through door right Which he locks after him Father, what's the matter? Walkenshaw, in a frenzy Matter, I've been insulted and I won't sit down under it He attempts to sit but rises quickly I've been kicked and I won't sit down on it What are you going, nuisance? Florence, laying a hand on her heart I can't stay till luncheon, I'm going to our lodgings I've got a pain here Have you? Well, so have I, I've got a pain everywhere I'll have the law, I'll have everything I can lay my hands on She shall smart for it I'm smarting for it Go away, you worry me Attempts to sit but gets up quickly and kneels on Ottoman Florence, at door left Goodbye, Father Looking round the room, faltering Goodbye, Jocelyn, goodbye She goes out There is a knocking at door right Walkenshaw starts and listens Walkenshaw, in a tremble What's that? Knocking repeated He's after me, the villain I'll teach him what's what I'll teach him not to shake his fist in my face I'll teach him not to wipe his boots on my clothes Knocking again, louder Is that you, Jocelyn, my boy? Lady Hammersmith outside door right No, it's Matilda Walkenshaw relieved He unlocks door and admits Lady Hammersmith who is in tears Oh Chevalier, my dear Chevalier That dreadful boy I believe he actually kicked you Believe? I'll swear he actually did If you hadn't turned away at that moment It wouldn't have happened Don't mention it, Matilda It's a painful subject Goes to sit on the head of the sofa But jumps up quickly as if hurt Oh, a nice way to train up a child Don't be angry with me I'm sure I wish he'd never been born Sits on Ottoman right You should have thought of that before It's too late now What are you going to do? Lady Hammersmith sitting on Ottoman What can I do? Oh Chevalier, pray advise me Matilda, listen to the dictates of a heart still fresh and young Love on, love on to the end Chaslin won't let me I'm frightened of him Turn him out of the house He won't go Walkenshaw leaning over her Matilda, I have a plan Will you hear it? How can I say no to you? He bends over and whispers in her ear Ha ha, you tickle my ear so I can't understand you He whispers again, she starts up Elopement Why not? A romantic end to a romantic attachment Of course we can't help it getting into the papers Lady Hammersmith, eagerly Do you think you will get into the papers? Of course Romance in high life Flight of a young widow and so on Oh Chevalier, you are too daring Give me a week to think A week? In a week your dutiful son will be locking you up in your own room And pushing thin dry toast under your door To sustain your wretched existence When do you propose to take me? Now, almost immediately But I have no companion, I can't go away alone Get somebody, cook, housemaid, policeman, anybody Majestically That is, if you cannot trust yourself with me, Matilda Lady Hammersmith, sitting Where shall we fly to? Let me decide that, let me decide that Aside, tapping his forehead Where shall we fly to? Somewhere abroad I'm not so afraid of the authorities abroad In case of accident, Paris Paris Haven't been to Paris for five or six years Not since I was last married Nasty thoughts, nasty thoughts I wonder whether I really am a widower Hmm, nasty thoughts, nasty thoughts How they worry one He walks upstage to writing table, still thinking Lady Hammersmith, or not a man, to herself Who would go with me? Whom can I trust? I wonder whether Rosaline Rises and crosses to left and sits on sofa Rosaline, no one better And she'll be here directly, I'll propose it Walk inshore, coming down Matilda Dearest Sits on sofa left I've hit on a spot And I am a friend Walk inshore, aside Hang the friend To Lady Hammersmith What do you say to Paris? Paris, lovely The last time I visited Paris was with the poor alderman Walk inshore, aside My predecessor The poor alderman and Mr Cook Now I'm going with you and... Certainly not Mr Cook, Matilda Too many cooks spoil the broth In Paris you will find my name still honoured by the adherence of the old empire We can be married quietly at the little English church in the Avenue Mabouf Oh Pull yourself together, Matilda, and listen We will cross the channel tonight Tonight Walk inshore, going up to writing table I'll telegraph to the manager of the Lord Gordon Hotel to prepare dinner He sits and writes rapidly From walk inshore to manager, Lord Gordon Hotel Dover Soup, salmon, chicken, champagne, mums the word Puts telegram in pocket I'll send this myself Seeing railway timetable refers to it Dover trains, dover trains Leaves Victoria, twenty past four reaches Dover before seven Good Rising Matilda, be ready to leave this house at half past three Taking check out of his pocket I'll call it my bankers and cash my check for sixty pounds on our way to the station Lady Hammersmith, rising Oh Chevalier You are sure you will always estimate me at my true worth Matilda, you're marrying you, I consider I am marrying a fortune Jocelyn, outside door right In the drawing room I'll write, I'll find her myself Jocelyn, he's so violent, how shall we meet him? How shall we meet him? We will think over that question downstairs, Matilda He goes off hastily, door left, with Lady Hammersmith Jocelyn enters quickly, door right Mother Looking round Where can she be poor soul, I hope my temper hasn't frightened her He looks into the conservatory Not here, I'll go downstairs As he goes towards door left, Bingle enters, carrying a letter A messenger has just left this for you, Mr. Jocelyn Jocelyn, taking a letter Thank you Bingle goes out Florence's hand, why, what can this mean? He opens letter and reads Good heavens Sits on sofa, reading My dear, dear Jocelyn, I have discovered, I hope not too late, that my father is attempting to profit by her engagement, in a manner which shocks and degrades me In order that I may not cripple you in the discharge of your duty, I am about to quit England My destination is a secret, and you are now as free to deal with my father as if you had never known your poor unhappy Florence Rises Gone What must she think of me to imagine that I would allow her to sacrifice herself in such a way? There is but one thing to do Fall right once Going to door Let me think Don't what spot is most likely she would turn her steps He sits thinking at writing-table Where are her friends? She has an un-poor child that she has told me Shut up in a Parisian boarding school till within two years ago, and then pushed about from pillar to post by her drastically father Stop, I've often heard her mention the old proprietors of that same school in the Ooh, confounded, I forget the street Snatches up telegram and sits at desk Madame Confounded, I forget the name It seems likely she would seek out this old woman now And if she had started for Paris, would she travel by New Haven, Dover or Fexton? He catches sight of paper in his hand Unfolds it and reads it What's this? Reading Florence will control to the manager Lord Gordon Hotel, Dover Nothing more Rising I am right so far, she has started for Paris Dover was in her mind when she sat at this table, but she evidently changed it Or she would not have destroyed this telegram Yes, Fexton is the place I'll follow her to Fexton And if she's not there Well, I can but push onto Dover after all I'll throw a few things into my potmanteau and be off at once He goes out door right hastily Directly he has gone, Lady Hammersmith enters door left Yes Chevalier, dear Chevalier She crosses to right centre As you say, nothing but the firmest treatment will succeed with our son Our son, as he is to be Looking round and not seeing Walkenshaw She goes left centre and calls Chevalier may cased, Jocelyn may be out Chevalier Walkenshaw enters door left Rather pale and nervous Matilda? Is he here? No I think I saw him leave as we entered Shall I send for him? No, I'm not sure that a personal encounter would be advisable It might, I don't say it would, but it might Disturb the future relationship of father and son You see, Matilda, I am anxious that Jocelyn should not see my temper I very nearly lost my temper when he kicked me just now Thank goodness I controlled myself sufficiently to enable me to withdraw from the road With dignity Matilda, you would better begin to pack To pack? Yes Matilda, to pack, P-A-C-K Aside Stupid old girl To pack You make me blush Going to door left I wish my friend would return so that I may shield myself in her arms Jocelyn, outside, door right Bingle, Bingle, are you there? Jocelyn Walking shore, in a fright Matilda, control yourself Do as I do He runs off into conservatory Lady Hammersmith follows him as Jocelyn enters door right, carrying a small bag Jocelyn excitedly Bingle's never here when she's wanted Bingle enters door left Oh, there you are If you please sir, madame Faberket has come back Jocelyn throws Bingle the bag Put that in a handsome Rosaline enters, Bingle goes out Jocelyn, to Rosaline I'm so sorry that I'm obliged to go out Would you ask my mother not to eat luncheon for me My hat and coat Jocelyn hurries out door right As Lady Hammersmith enters from conservatory Lady Hammersmith, as she enters Seeing Rosaline Oh my darling, how late you are Where is Lord Lennon all? He permitted a little dog to slip on your doorstep And he is now running after him all round the square I want to ask you a great favour before he returns Sits on ottoman I want you to be a real true friend And accompany me to Paris To Paris, when? Today, this evening What for so soon? Oh, I, I, I can't tell you Then how can I understand? Well, then I am going to elope Rosaline rises and goes to centre Elope? Who are you going to run away with? The dear Chevalier is going to run away with me Jocelyn has been so violent And he says he won't allow the Chevalier to be madly in love with his mother There was such a scene in the library Jocelyn fired a pistol several times A pistol? Yes, dear But the Chevalier, who never lost his nerve, Bobbed down and escaped with the slight injury to the back And so, we are determined to run away and be married in Paris And we want you, my dear, dear friend, to go with us You will, won't you, dear? Of course I will That is, if you will permit Adolfos to go with us to take care of the little dog Certainly, my dear, the more the merrier at my wedding Besides, it will be a jolly holiday for me Lady Hammersmith kissing Rosaline Oh, thank you, thank you And you won't regret it when you make the acquaintance of the Chevalier Lady Hammersmith goes to conservatory and calls Chevalier, Chevalier, I want you Here's the friend I spoke of Make haste Comes right centre The dear man is in the conservatory, behind the palm trees He is so anxious not to do my child an injury Naturally That is why he did not take the hatchet from him in the library The hatchet? And no, no, I mean the gun Walk inshore enters from conservatory Coming centre, sees Rosaline My wife, the devil Going right, sees Jocelyn, who enters door right, turns back and rushes off door left Knocks against Lettenhall, who has just entered with Dog Rosaline goes down right, turns and looks after the Chevalier Lady Hammersmith centre, calling after the Chevalier Chevalier, Chevalier Music as the curtain descends quickly End of fact two