 The gentlemen program stuck with Don Vestler, his orchestra. The orchestra opens from the motion... And now for that self-made man that could have done a better job, Jack Benny. Hello again, this is Jack Benny, the hotel clerk, remember? And for once you're right, Don, you might be kidding, but I am a self-made man. Nobody helps me. You're looking. Well, say, this is all of Rembrandt's paintings weren't good either. Are you a self-made man, Don? No, the stock brought me. Hmm. I made pork. Go for myself. Let me get a few of them in tonight, Don, just for a change. Fair. After all, you're the comedian. Well, remember that. I'll try. But by the way, thank you. I tried to get in touch with you. Where were you? Well, Don, I sort of relaxed today. I went around so all the time. You know, I'm a real movie fan. You are? Yes, sir. I can watch pictures all day. You know, about 11 o'clock this morning, I went over and saw College with them with Joe Penner and Lanny Ross. Well, they were with me this morning. No, Don, I mean, they were in the picture. See, then I had lunch, and right after lunch, I went in to see the gay divorcee. You mean Peggy Joyce? Then later on, I went over to see what people we did, and Don asked me if I was a busy dean. It was Tagney. I won't, Jack. You're the comedian. Thanks. You'd be surprised how much better I feel already. Well, anyway, it was 4 o'clock, so I dropped in on the merry widow with Chevalier, then I left Chevalier and saw it today. With Jello? Yes, Don. It was a double feature. Thanks. Well, anyway, it was time to broadcast, so I came here, and like Eddie Cander, I am ready to kid million. Boy, am I hot tonight. Thank you, folks. What are you thanking for, Mary? That applause was for me. Oh, I thought it was my reception. Oh. Certainly is a fickle public here today and gone tomorrow. Well, were you all day, Mary, and am I sorry I asked you? I was over on Wimpole Street visiting the Barrett. What? The Barrett's a Wimpole Street. Do you hear me? Oh, well, how are the Barrett's? It's awful, Jack. The old man Barrett is getting so mean, all his daughters had to leave Wimpole Street. I see. They couldn't bear it. Do you hear me, folks? You certainly are the comedian tonight. What's funny about that, Jack? Mary, the Barrett's a Wimpole Street. They couldn't bear it, please. I still don't get it. Well, hello, everybody. Here I am, fit as a fiddle and look like a saxophone. Ah. The other self-made comedian has arrived. Oh, thanks, Jack. Do you really think so? Absolutely, Frank. You are, without a doubt, a real comedian. Well, of course, I can sing in a pinch. Yes, and that pinch is very important. Don't lose it, you know? Says you. Says I. Says me. Now, listen, I don't change the subject. I saw a picture this afternoon, too. Mary, you ask him what picture I can. Uh, what picture was it, Frank? I saw Imitation of Life with Don Besta. Well, he's a good imitation. He means I went with him to see the picture. That's right. Go ahead and spoil a joke. Well, I'm a comedian, too. Yes, Don, you're also very funny. But I am. I guess I can lead an orchestra in a pinch. Get ready, Don. The pinch will be here any minute. Says you. Says I. Says who? Says me. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Five minutes of our time gone and we're not getting any place. Same old arguments every week. You know, fellas, what this program needs is new talent. People with specialties, not pinches. They marry. Call up Jake Ginzel, the agent. Jake Ginzel? Who's he? He handles all kinds of radio talent. See if he can rock somebody over here and liven up this program a little. His number is Lackawanna 7460. All right. Hello, operator. Give me Brian 0499. Mary, that's the wrong number. What's the difference as long as he answers? Oh, all right. Hello. Is this Columbus 2593? Mary. Hello. Is that you, Jake? Say, Jake, this is the yellow program. Mary, tell him the six delicious flavors. Wilkins, keep out of it. Say, Jake, Jack Benny wants a new talent. He has something different. You know, novelties to the air. Ask him what he's got, Mary. What have you got, Jake? He says he's got singers, dancers, musicians, jugglers. Tell him to mix them up. Mix them up, Jake, and send them right over. Goodbye. Thanks, Mary. We'll get some real talent up here without pinches. Play, Jake. I mean Don. Don Bester and his orchestra. They married. Did any of that talent get here yet? Not yet, Jack. Say, Don, I hear you're doing fine at Lowe State having a big week. Yes, Jack. Thanks. How's everything up in Boston with your show? Oh, fine. I'm having a lot of fun in Boston. And besides, I'm learning to speak English. What do you mean? Well, I was at a party the other night and told a story about my aunt. And somebody corrected me. You see, in Boston, Don, it's your arms. You see, they use the broad A there. Well, that's the proper English, Jack. Whenever I go to Boston, I ask for a room and a boss. Oh, well, you can have your boss. I took a bath this morning. You look just as good as you do. You know, Jack, I love the way they talk in Boston. That's right, Mary. You were there, too. Did you have any trouble with the boss and bath? No, I took a shower and everything was all right. Well, that was smart. You know, I played in Boston a few weeks ago, and I can't say I had any trouble. You can't? No. You see, I just walked into the restaurant, ordered harmonies, and everybody understood me. Oh, sure. And you know why? I like their bacon, beyonds, and ketchup. Don't you like that? I have no complaints to make about Boston. Up there, jello is jello and it tastes twice as good as ever before. Again, we're getting no plates. What kind of a program is this tonight? There's somebody at the door, see what it is, Mary. Come in. Who is it? Jake sent me. Well, thank heaven I'm glad you got here. Well, what do you do? Fine, and how do you do? No, no, I said what do you do? What's your specialty? Well, I tell jokes and juggles. Jokes and juggles, that's a nice combination. Have you had any experience on the air? Yeah, I fell out of a balloon once. Well, don't worry, that can't happen here. Well, anyway, let's hear your jokes. That's what we need on this program. See, that's why I sent for you a real good joke. All right, my father's hair only grows on one side of his head. What side is that? The outside. That's fine. That's fine, that's very good. We can use you on one side of this program. What side is that? The outside. Yeah, that come out of my own head. You must have used a fine comb. What else can you do? I sing, too. You sing? Have you got a good voice? They tell me I'm a second Frank Parker. Oh, you're a second Frank Parker. Jack's having trouble with the first one. Now! Am I modified? Hot shot, shot, shot, shot. Well, now look, do anything, will you, and get it over with. Yeah, I'm in a hurry, too. What are you in such a hurry for? I drive a truck and a pinch. Oh, you too, eh? Go ahead, get started. What do you want to do first? I'll juggle. I'll juggle five plates at one time. Wait a minute, what good is juggling on the radio? How can they see you? Well, you tell jokes and nobody can see you. I know, but listen, I mean, how can they appreciate your juggling? Nobody will believe you. I'll take an oath I'm doing it. Oh, well, that squares things, yeah. Go ahead, juggle your five plates. By the way, what's your name? W.C. Jones. What's the W.C. stand for? Fields. Oh, W.C. Fields, I get it. Well, get started. Do you want a little music with this? Yeah. Don, give him a little juggle music. Don, I said juggle music, not jungle music. Oh, pardon me. Ladies and gentlemen, five plates and very, very good too. Such jugglers. He is now juggling four plates. I mean three plates, eh? Well, even three plates isn't bad. Ah, how marvelously he handles one plate. Faster, just a minute. Boy, give me that plate, will you? Here. Now stick out your head. He is now juggling no plates. Carry him out, boys, as there's no plates like home. How's the new talent, Jack? Don't worry, you didn't start out so good either. And now, folks, come in. Who are you? Jack sent me. I can imitate a dog. And in a pinch, I can do a rooster. Mary, slam that door, will you? And now, ladies and gentlemen, Frank Parker, number one, will sing One Night of Love. Is that right, Parker? Yes, but I can sing Blame It on My Youth in a pinch. All right, all right, sing. Mary, Mary, what are you laughing at? I don't know, I'm tired. Well, that was Frank Parker singing Blame It on My Youth. And now, my anxious public, we are continuing our series of breast-stopping, tear-jerking, hair-raising dramas. And for the first time on any air, we are presenting that thrilling play of the Mexican border, the Rose of Rio Grande Street. This play had a longer run than a 20-cent pair of ladies' stockings. It ran three days in Trenton, and then the cast ran from there to Philadelphia. And unlike ABC's Irish Rose, they are still running. This play will go on immediately after the next number. Parker, you get some cactus plants and some big sombreros. Mary, you go out and get 10 cents worth of Mexican dialect. Where can I get that, Jack? Any chili parlor, Mary. Play, Don, and give us a chance to get to Mexico. That was Don Besser and his hot tamales playing la cocorochia, or cucaracha. And now for our play of the Mexican border, the Rose of the Rio Grande. Atmosphere, Don. Now, Rose of the Rio, you are to me my only daughter, and I am to you your father. That sea-signor, sea-signor. Sea-signor. You must never to leave this rancho, and if somebody tack you away, I kill him. Carambo Carracho Ricardo Cortez. Ah, it is my sweet heart outside my window. Ah, gringo, eh? Hey, what you do down there? Jake Bentley. Jake, eh? I fix him tarantella pronto taranto Montreal. No, papa, it is Sr. Franco Parqueiro. He is my loafer. What do you mean, loafer? I love him and he loves me. Chiquita, you shall never marry gringo so long as I leave. The quicker you leave, the better. Hmm, three o'clock Mexican standard time. Chiquita, I am very tired. I will go to my room and take one big nap. Okay, Sr. Chutz. Oh, Carioca, Carioca. Ah, come on, Sr. Rita. I have terrible headache. Bring me two castanets. I feel like dancing a fantango. Ah, fantango, fantango. What is the Sr. Papa doing? The scenery, scenery. Ah, fantango, fantango, fantango. He makes me sleep. He always happens to sleep. Ah, if you see him again, my hony, Carioca quick, he thank you a lot for too. See, Sr. Rita, I show you. And tell my Dave Caballero to come up down stairs. See, Sr. Rita. Come in, white grass. Quiet, my love. You will wake up the Sr. Papa. Ah, Rose of the Buick Rio, I love you. Ever since I have come to Mexico, I can't eat, I can't sleep. He can't even get a job. Who was that, Rose? Papa, he always talking he sleep. Ah, Sr. Rita Rose, for the last time, will you marry me? I would like to, yes. But are you rich? You mean rich? Rich, rich, as long as you're wealthy. Well, I own plenty of oil. Yeah, it's in his hair. Papa, he's still talking he sleep. I don't care for you sleeping. Where did he say my oil was? In your hair, your hair. What was that? Hair, what's on a monkey's face? Look in the mirror and find out. I wish I could dream of an answer. Don't wake up Papa. Ah, Rose, for the last time, will you marry me? No, no, Papa hates gringos. He will kill you. He will, eh? Well, there's nothing left for me to do then, but steal you and take you across the Rio Grande. Oh, I am so afraid. Afraid of what? Afraid that you will change your mind. Ah, Rose, my beautiful black-eyed Susan. Ah, Frank, my Mexican hair was popped. Hmm. Come, Rose, let us away. Where is your horse? Outside. Come along, Rose. It is seven o'clock. Chiquita, Chiquita. Rose, where are you? Oh, you know, your daughter has just a look with Franko. They are a grind across the Rio Grande. Oh, you know talk, eh? Well, I find them. Nobody can say this to me. The great Rudy Villa. Come on, you peons, follow me. We are headed for the Rio Grande. Get it up. Not that way, men. That is the Hudson River. This way. Look, Rose, we're being followed. Get these horses. They are hard. We should have taken a taxi. Get the axe. After four hours, we must hurry. Now, Cavaliers, we must cross the Rio Grande. Come on. Stay under me, horse. I can't swim. Ah, here we are. We make it all right. They will not get away from us. Get up. I think they stop in this cabine. We shall see what we shall see. Carlos, you go back in the cabine. C.C., Senor. Either way, you watch the road. Sanchez, you come with me. And Lopez, you play the piano. C.C., this is Lopez speaking. All right. Frank, it is a senior papa. And he is some type of hombre between my friends. No. Don't worry, Rose. I have a pretty tough gang myself. Come on, men. Make a fight to the finish. Come out of that cabine. Don't do it, Franco. Stand by, men. Don't worry. We will have faith in us. That was best of all. Come on out, or I will shoot. Little man, what now? Well, I guess we better go out. We just moved in here. And I don't want to cause any trouble. Ah-ha, another victory for me. People are friends. People are vagus. Time for the Mexicans we got here. Say you feel my daughter. What is your name? Don Franco Parker. And you gats? Who are you? Don Jose Betz. What's the Jose for? In a pinch. Say you tough guy over there, what they call you? Don Jello Wilson. That's three Don and one to go. I see you in New York, eh? What you do here? I'm selling Jello. Jello is just as good to pop off a Mexican meal as any other kind of a meal. You said him, big boy. Hey, just one minute. Who is that hombre hiding behind you? Hey, tell me, who are you? Jake Sensen. For heaven's sake, what are you doing in Mexico? Are you a Mac? Sure, Mac Flatterman. So you're a Mexican, eh? What else? What you do down here? I just came down for a bowl of chili. Say I tell my friend, are you from Mexico? What? Are you from Mexico? Mexico and I'm from Brooklyn. I know that. That must have didn't fool me. Hey, who are these three fellows with you, these hombres? They're my brothers and we're all Mexicans. Oh, the four Mex brothers, eh? Yes, yes. Pedro, Penzo, twice as richo, and Jello. Oh, you gotta brought their Jello, eh? Ah, senor, stop clowning. I would like to marry your daughter Rose. I love her too much like anything. Oh, you go on Mexican too, eh? Well, you will have to ask her yourself because she will have to leave with you, not me. Then the rest is a cinch. Ah, Rose of Grand Street, for the last time. Will you marry me? I am healthy, young, and rich. No, never. I will marry Jello. Jello? Why? Because Jello is twice as rich. Hooray! That's all I want to know. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Play Don Emmanuel Umberto Bestaro. That was the last number of the eighth program in the new Jello series. Well, folks, I hope you all enjoyed our little Mexican play and we'll be with you again next Sunday night. Mary, where are you going now? I'm going straight home, Jack. Come on, then. I'll take you home. All right, Jack, we're not on horseback. I can still feel it ride across the Rio Grande. Good night, folks. The selection of lovers just around the corners from the Motion Picture have a heart. This is the national broadcasting company. WJZ, New York.